When Fantasy Meets Reality . . .

. . . the Chief folds like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face . . . or something like that.

[Editor's Note: If you missed the Chief's 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview, which went up Tuesday, do yourself a favor and check it out.]

Between Monday and Wednesday of this week, I was asked for my take on the Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh brewhaha roughly eleventy billion times.  Needless to say, it was a perfect topic for the Link Dump introduction.  But by Wednesday I was a little tired of talking about it (yes, they're both to blame; no, it wasn't that big of deal, let's move on . . . oh, and Harbaugh's a jag-bag . . . now we'll move on).  So, I am not going to lie, I was kind of hoping something would come up between then and now that I could talk about instead.

And, as usual, the blog-o-sphere Gods came through in the clutch.

We have often discussed the Chief's "Top 5" here on GameTime, TBD©.  For the uninitiated, the Chief's "Top 5" is a list comprised of the five female celebrities the Chief would have a "hall pass" from my Better Half if the "opportunity" ever arose.  [Editor's Note: Don't worry, she has her list too; we're an equal opportunity household.]  While the list changes slightly from time to time (the bottom two slots usually rotate to the newest "it girl"), the top three have remained the same for quite some time:  (1) Marisa Miller (naturally), (b) today's Link Dump introduction (cliff hanger!!!!), and (iii) Kelly Ripa (I can't explain it, there's just something there).  I am sure our more avid readers already know who our mystery woman is; I mean she has shown up on this site once or twice before.  For those of you who do not, shame on you.

With the Chief desperate for a new introduction topic to magically fall into his lap, imagine what his surprise when, on Wednesday afternoon, not only did a new topic fall into his lap, the topic involved his "Top 5".  On Wednesday afternoon, the GameTime, TBD© office received a tenant notice email from the building managers, as we do from time to time (wow, twice in one post?).  Usually the email is about fire drills, elevator maintenance, protest alerts, lame things like that.  But this email was different, for this email read:

We have been informed that filming for the upcoming movie Underworld IV, staring Kate Beckinsale, will  be taking place this Thursday, October 20, 2011 from 6pm until 6am Friday morning.  The film crew has secured a City permit for the closing of the alley. This closure will affect the parking ally entrance and exit.  Once again the alley will close at 6pm on Thursday and all access to the parking structure will be from Figueroa Street.

If you read past the first line of that email then, congratulations, you got farther than the Chief did.  The Chief was clearly focused on one thing: this woman, number two on his list, was possibly going to be in the alley right behind the GameTime, TBD© offices.  There was an immediate call for an Underwold movie marathon (slightly weird) as part of an office slumber party (slightly more weird) all so the Chief could possibly make a move on a married woman filming scenes for a movie directed by her husband (good luck with that).  Thankfully, the Chief realized that the email did not state she WOULD be part of the filming, so he relented on the plans.  But it should surprise absolutely no one that, all day yesterday, the Chief could "feel her presence", like he was a jedi knight or something.

Now that the night has passed, the Chief is on a mission to verify that Ms. Beckinsale was not here yesterday to put his mind at ease about a "missed opportunity".  So, while we humor the poor guy by going to talk with some of the production crew still cleaning up the alley, here are some stories you might have missed from the week that was:

• Sometimes almost being traded can be a miracle in disguise.  Just ask Jerome Harrison.
• Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc . . . 
• Looks like Green Bay wide-receivers should have some pretty sweet entertainment centers by the end of the season.
• Allow me to be the first to welcome Bill Simmons aboard the Los Angeles Kings bandwagon.  At least I think that is what he is trying to say in this article about the NHL that seems to be about the NBA.
• What do you get when a newspaper, owned by a church that believed in black racial inferiority until 1978, writes an article about a predominantly black sport? This.
• Dwight Gooden confirms what we already knew/expected about Dwight Gooden.
• "Vegas loves long shots" . . .  except when said long shots are about to cost them some money.
•  There is always someone else to blame, right Charlie?
• Who knew getting drunk and throwing pointy objects at a wall could be so lucrative?  Having already mastered one of those, maybe I should consider a career change.  I mean, how hard is it to throw pointy objects?
• This is why I do not play professional sports.  [Editor's Note: right, that's why . . .]

We like to track our pageview data to see what topics tend to get us the most traffic and, surprising to some, our Kings season preview picked up a decent amount of traffic.  It should be interesting to see how Ms. Becksinsale stacks up (she certainly is stacked) against the Kings when this Dump goes to print.  Speaking of things to see (smooth transition as always), here are some videos to help your Friday afternoon fly by:

• Ever wonder what a squash ball hit 175 mph would do to a guy's back?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, we do now.
• Being the topper that I am, it is safe to say that when my yet-to-be-conceived child (don't want the 'rents to get the wrong idea) is old enough, we will crush this impressive Hot Wheels track.  [Editor's Note: eh, who am I kidding, I will probably do it this weekend.]
• I do not know about you, but I sure hate when someone posts video of me doing an awesome skateboard trick without my knowledge.
• The song in this video is terrible, the brunette dressed up as a referee in said video is not.  That is all.
• It is questions like this that prevent me from ever being able to go on Family Feud.
• Dirt Bike: 1, Random Chick: 0.
• I am guessing that crocodile will reconsider going after the full-grown adult elephant next time.
• Note to self, dinosaurs on steroids are scary.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Hot Chick Friday

It is one of those sad Fridays when we here at GameTime, TBD© have actual "work" getting in our way. And with the likelihood of not having enough time to provide you with your weekly dose of fun and flare commonly known as the Link Dump, we are forced to appeal to the masses (and by masses we, of course, mean mostly our male readers and those female readers who don't mind checking out an attractive woman while thinking "yeah, if I swung that way I'd hit it" . . . we L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E those female readers, they're our favorite . . . but I digress) by posting a picture of hot chick and hoping you will find it in your hearts to forgive us.

The Chief pointed out that you are probably expecting a picture of Marisa Miller or Kate Beckinsale. And who would blame you? They are two of The Chiefs favorites, having proudly held down the top two spots of his "Celebrity 5" list for the last few years. But he decided to mix things up today, deciding instead to finally introduce to one of the remaining three on his list. So, without further adieu, we proudly present to you Kristen Bell, number three on The Chiefs "Celebrity 5" (and rumored to have made my Better Half's "Celebrity 5" . . . reason number eleventy billion why my Better Half is better than yours).



We offer Ms. Bell as our humble apology. As always, if the storm ends early, we will do our absolute best to get at least some links up. In the meantime, we hope Ms. Bell helps provide at least a little enjoyment to your Friday.

In the event we are unable to get back to you later today, we wanted to remind you, have a great weekend everyone!

P.S. Let's get fired up. Happy Friday!

It Has All Been Building to This . . .

. . . three days, 63 holes (I'm such a slut), lots of money. Last year, I was invited to a golf tournament started by one of the partners of my firm and his friends, which has lasted about twenty years now. It runs Saturday through Monday, in which you play eighteen holes on Saturday, twenty-seven on Sunday, and eighteen more on Monday (if you can still swing your club by that point . . . HEY-OH!). The whole thing is handicap adjusted, and matches you and a teammate (this year I'm bringing my good buddy Coop, Coop-a-loop) for all the money. Even better, we get to play three great courses: Rancho San Marcos (Saturday), Alisal Ranch (Sunday), and Sandpiper (Monday). Do not be jealous . . . okay, be a little jealous.

I have been looking forward to this weekend for the past fifty-one weekends. You see, it was at this tournament last year (my first invite) that I discovered my swing had too many flaws to make it in the long run. My game went all David Duval circa-2002 on me and I pretty much embarrassed myself and my buddy Hizzle the whole weekend. I realized my swing had become a house of cards, and the more I tried to fix it myself, the more hitches and hiccups I put that served as little more than temporary patches. I never thought about giving up the game, and for the first time in a long time, I did not just go by a new club to make me feel better. I found myself a golf teacher and, over the past five months, I have torn my swing down and built it back up. I may not be scoring as well as I would like to heading into this weekend (my handicap is the highest it has been in over a decade), I know that comes mostly from only having played two rounds in the past three months. As I get out there more, I know more scores will come down as I remember all of my course management skills. However, I am confident going into this weekend because my ball striking (Matt Holliday knows a thing or two about ball striking) is back to where it was in college and I am hitting the ball longer and straighter (for the most part) than I may ever have. Since the tournament is handicap adjusted, the scoring will take care of itself. Yes, my short game still needs a lot . . . nay . . . A LOT of work (hence the not scoring well), but that will come with more time spent on the course (and less time putting from the rough . . . HEY-OH!). More importantly than all that though, I have remembered how much fun golf actually is; I remember why I fell in love with the game in the first place. So now I have focused, confident, and ready to hand it to three challenging course (read: get it handed to me), all with a smile on my face.

Are you still with me? I know that is not the most entertaining Link Dump introduction we have ever written here at GameTime, TBD©, but what can I say, I am excited. If you made it this far, we appreciate you sticking around and would like to reward you. Here are some things you might have missed:

• Friday Night Lights, the best show you (or anyone else for that matter) are not watching, returns October 26th on DirecTV's The 101. A cast easy on the eyes does not hurt either.
  
• Speaking of easy on the eyes, Esquire went and did this. Gentlemen, you. Are. Welcome.
• [We interrupt our Link Dump for some non-sports-related news.] What do you do when you have your Miss Teen Louisiana crown striped after a pot bust (note to self, remember to not leave identifying items behind when pulling the old dine-and-dash trick)? This of course. [We now return to our regularly scheduled Link Dump.]
  
• Let me see, that is three more medals for the United States and one gold for New Zealand.
• Last night was a tough night for St. Louis fans all around.
  
• Mike Hamrick is just living the dream.
• You were not the only one to miss the major storyline in this past Monday's MNF game.
  
• Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
  
• Good news Romosexuals, Tony can count to four.
  
• Ron Artest politely asks blog writer [Editor's note: not me] to fellate a certain unmentionable.
  
• The Nationals should give this guy season tickets or something.
• "They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore." "Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?" "Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my [arm] off."
• Sometimes the headline writes itself.
  
• If you thought the Madden Curse was bad, wait until you read about the Lakefront Marathon Curse.

Well, it is hard to deny, I am in a great mood right now. I have a three-day weekend ahead of me just so I can golf. It does not get much better than that. But since I know not all of you are as lucky as I am right now, I feel it is only appropriate we provide you with only the finest videos for your weekly viewing enjoyment. Let us say we call it a special gift to you, our dedicated readers, because the Chief is feeling it today.

• With playoff baseball finally here, it is time we enjoy one of the best calls in the history of the game.
  
• Sixty yards in the air, between two defenders, nothing but victory.
• "Tasing on my butt." That's what she said.
  
• Come for the public service announcement, stay for the attractive female celebrities groping each other.
  
• Wow, just wow.
  
• Question: what is pole dancing without a sturdy pole? Answer: Hilarious (yes, I am a terrible, terrible human being).
  
• I support The Fun Theory, and so should you.
  
• And, he is out.

Have a great weekend everyone!