. . . to The Chief, otherwise you might end up as the centerpiece of GameTime, TBD©'s weekly Link Dump introduction. It is the day before Halloween; a day to rejoice in the upcoming slew of slightly to moderately-intoxicated college and young professional women who will throw all signs of normal decency to the wind. A day when women to let out their inner-skank for one night of glory. Who knew a slutty [insert profession here] could look so good? We could have spent the introduction regaling in the greatness that is Halloween . . . but no. Instead, we have to spend it putting someone in their place.
When a guy starts dating a new girl, there is one moment we all fear: meeting her friends. I believe this moment ranks higher than, say, going to the first family gathering or having her mother call your dorm room at 8:00 a.m. on a weekday morning trying to track her daughter down (not that I would know how that feels . . .). For a guy, meeting the friends is never easy because we know, as soon as we leave, we are going to be analyzed in more ways than you ever thought possible. Not even a coroner will dissect us as thoroughly as her friends are about to. In some strange way, it is her friends that will decide whether your relationship is merely a trade deadline acquisition or a long-term contract extension. But here is what the women seldom understand: as important of role as your friends play in deciding whether we are a keeper, your friends help us decide if you are a keeper because, if we can not stand your friends, we will never want them around, and that is probably a deal breaker.
I got lucky. My Better Half has some pretty spectacular friends that I have really gotten to know and call friends of my own now (I promise, I did not do anything wrong last night and I am not in trouble). Sure, she had her share of nut-job friends, but they were nice enough to weed themselves out over time. But her closest friends, BFF (really girls? is that best you could do?), Anime (what? she lives in Japan . . .) Fitty Cent (old joke) COW (sorry A, blame the Better Half, she wanted everyone to know you're a citizen of the world, so you get COW), and Q (no, not that Q) have become an equally important part of my life (marriage, go figure . . . just kidding . . . but seriously . . .). I have been realizing just how close I have gotten to some of My Better Half's friends more recently as Q and I started up a friendly back-and-forth regarding my Dodgers and her newly-beloved Phillies. Since I am not that big of baseball fan, it was all in good fun. I even went so far as to say (actual text) "even though I hate the Yankees, I hope the Phillies lose [Game 1]". Well that did not go so well for me, and that is when things got taken too far. In what I am hoping was only a momentary lapse of judgment, Q did the unthinkable: see attacked the Los Angeles Kings [*dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn*]. The fair-weathered Philadelphia fan (that's right, she's a bay area transplant . . . she sold out her bay-area teams for the greener pastures in Philly . . . once the teams started winning . . . convenient) went and got personal. Can you even name half the Phillies line-up? Do you know who the Eagles play on Sunday? Do you even know how long periods are in a hockey game? I will give you a hint: less than five days. You call yourself a fan? I just hope there was enough room on the bandwagon for you to get a comfortable seat. Who's your daddy now, Q?
Whoa, sorry about that; might have gotten a little carried away right there. But let this be a lesson to all you out there. Tread lightly when dealing with the Chief. There is a reason the old saying "there's a competition and [the Chief's] in it" came along. He rarely lets someone get the better of him. You have been warned, Q. And no, I do not know if one day we can be friends Q. Buts that is mostly because I do not know how you are going to feel when the Yankees win the World Series, when the Giants beat the Eagles on Sunday (but Donovan will still have a good game . . . my Fantasy Football season is depending on it), and when my Kings trounce "your" Flyers on November 18th. Oops . . . it got away from me again. While I take a breather and try to cool myself down, here are some things you might have missed:
- Marisa Miller + $3 million bra = win.
- In case you live in a box and have not heard, this lady offered sex for World Series tickets. Where is the harm in that?
- Nobody bites Tim Wakefield's wife (*googling Wakefield's wife* . . . hello you in the middle) and lives to tell about it. NOBODY!
- The end of the aluminum bat is near.
- After discovering the economy had grown 3.5% in the third quarter, Congress decided there was nothing else left to fix with the country and moved on to more important things, like the NFL.
- The NBA put the kibosh on Tim Donaghy's book. But that does not stop Deadspin from having excerpts.
- Remember in 1999 when Rick Pitino said Antoine Walker would never have to worry about money again? Just add that to the list of things Pitino got wrong in Boston.
- A revelation no one was surprised by.
- Raise your hand if you have never used the "I got really drunk and don't remember what happened" excuse. Anyone? I did not think so.
- Lost by a thread . . . literally.
- "It was an innocent mistake. [Male] Parents have been very understanding."
Alright, things seemed to have calmed down a little. It looks like the worst is behind us . . . for the time being. But let us not focus on the negative. Let us focus on the positive: tomorrow is Halloween and that means half-naked women. We are in a good mood today and we want to make sure you are too. So we are heavy on the videos for your viewing enjoyment today. You. Are. Welcome.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Yes, I am leading with a photo of Marisa Miller. And I know what you are thinking: "That's not a good sign." Work will be preventing us from providing you with your Friday entertainment, otherwise known as GameTime, TBD©'s Link Dump. I thought this might be the case, but was hoping to find a way. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. Rest assured, we will not send you away empty-handed. First, hopefully you noticed The Chief finally got around to posting that Kings season preview on Wednesday. Also, if you have a few minutes, feel free to check out the "Top 100 Most Searched-for Hotties on the Net" based on AOL's search engines. Finally, here are a few clips for your viewing pleasure (just in case Marisa up there wasn't providing enough):
Have a great weekend everyone!
[Editor's Note: Fore score and, roughly, seven years ago, The Chief set out to write a season preview for his beloved Los Angeles Kings. One draft turned into two, two turned in five, and I think he lost all sense of reality somewhere around draft thirty-seven. Yes the season is now nine games old, but that has not stopped him. So, finally, we present to you the Kings' season preview . . . yes, some references maybe a little dated, but do not blame the messenger.]
It has been a while since we have been able to provide our avid readers with some original content; the type of witty banter you have all grown to love. Lucky for you, a perfect storm of events occurred and have left me with some time. So I thought I would take advantage of this opportunity to get back into the saddle.
For those regular readers out there (you're still there right? Hello? Testing . . . testing . . . 1, 2, 3. Is thing on?), you know how big a fan of Saved by the Bell I am. For those of you stumbling across my little corner of the worldwide web for the first time, I will sum it up for you in one word: ginormous. I could not get enough of it growing up . . . hell . . . I still can not get enough. I do not care how many times I have seen an episode, if Preppy, Screech, Kelly, Lisa, "I'm So Excited", and Abnormally Cruel are on the screen, I am watching. I watched the high school years on Saturday mornings (yes, even their second senior year) and the college years when it went primetime (would you look at that . . . Professor Zolaski is in this episode of NCIS I'm watching . . . told you too much time . . . the perfect storm). When Zack and Kelly finally got hitched, I was watching (in my brother's dorm with him and his roommates).
I was such a big fan, I even tuned into SBTB: The New Class. Believe you me, it takes a big fan to sit through those episodes. The story lines were not as enjoyable, the "escapes" never as funny, and the women not as attractive (though Natalia Cigliuti certainly has grown up nicely . . . how you doin'?). Regardless, I was there. Every Saturday morning. Still a fan. What can I say, I am loyal to a fault.
My loyalty to the Los Angeles Kings is much the same. Not long after my family moved to Southern California, a guy named Gretzky rolled into time. You may have heard of him. His golden locks were not all that different from Zack Morris's hair (pre-The College Years . . . MPG, what were you thinking?). With "The Great One" in town, life was good for us Kings fans (Malibu Sands good), culminating with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals. But then Bruce McNall got into some legal trouble, had to sell the team, Gretzky got traded for three hockey sticks and a bag of peanuts, and the new class arrived. And for a while, things were not so great. Yet there I was, a fan nonetheless; still telling Mom before every season "They're going to be good this season; this is their year." No matter how bad it got (oh, it got bad), I was still going to or watching games. There was a glimmer of hope during the reign of Murray I (we already had a better Bayside, I just didn't know it 'til now), but he was the scapegoat for poor decision made at the top. And then there were the wasted Crawford that make me nauseous just thinking about them. But Dean Lombardi had a plan (a reunion if you will), has stuck to that plan, and last year saw the promising beginning of Murray II's reign. Though they faded at the end of the season, a sign of a young team, the Kings were in the playoff hunt for much of the year and showed improvement. That is why, when asked that annual question by Mom, I joyfully proclaimed "They're going to be real good this year; I guarantee playoff hockey."
The 2009-2010 NHL season is going to be a good one for the Los Angeles Kings. They have a lot to build on from last season. Murray II brought a defense-first mentality and the results were impressive. Last year the Kings allowed the fourth fewest shots per game (28.1), and ranked eleventh in goals-against-average (2.76 per game) and goals allowed (226). Their penalty kill, which finished dead last in 2007-2008, improved to seventh overall (82.9%) [Editor's Note: never mind that they're dead last after 10 games thus far this season]. But with the defensive focus, the offense struggled and registered the third-fewest goals in the league (207 or 2.52/game). Most notably, however, the Kings were the third youngest team in league last season. They have a nucleus of players under the age of twenty-six: Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, Drew Doughty, Jack Johnson, Jonathon Quick, Wayne Simmonds, Oscar Moller, and Matt Greene, just to name a few. The biggest surprise of the year was clearly Drew Doughty, the Kings first-round pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft (2nd overall). He registered twenty-seven points (6 goals, 21 assists) in eighty-one games played. Paired with veteran Sean O'Donnell, Doughty showed marked improvement throughout the year. With this core of young players returning, there is plenty of reason to be optimistic . . . but there is more.
Lombardi made two crucial off-season acquisitions I believe will dramatically improve this team. The first, a trade with the Colorado Avalanche that brought Ryan Smyth (yes, with a "y") over to Los Angeles. Smyth gives the Kings something they have not had for a long time (ever?), a player who makes his living in front of the net, making life miserable for the opposing goaltender. His presence should open up the ice more for players like Kopitar, allowing him to use his phenomenal offensive skills more consistently. [Editor's Note: would you look at that, 16 points (8 goals and 8 assists) through 10 games for Kopi . . . and Smyth's 14 points (6 goals and 8 assists) aren't too shabby either.] Additionally, he will provide an important veteran leadership role for the forwards, much like O'Donnell has done for the defense. Speaking of defense, the second acquisition of importance was the signing of Rob Scuderi, who helped lead the Pittsburgh Penguins to its Stanley Cup victory last season. [Editor's Note: "This is Rob Scuderi. I didn't come to L.A. to finish second." Love that attitude.] Scuderi adds another veteran defensive-minded defenseman to compliment the Kings' arsenal of young, offensive-minded defensemen. [Editor's Note: single-handedly saved two goals last night against the Stars.] Mark my words, these two acquisitions will be the most-talked about acquisitions in the league by the time the season comes to an end.
As for last year's breakout player, I may or may not have missed the mark a little bit. Okay, I was way off. Brian Boyle did not even finish the season with the Kings, shipped off to the Rangers in a trade deadline move. That is a little embarrassing on my part. I hope to do better this season, but my breakout pick is a little risky. Look for Teddy Purcell to be the breakout player for the Kings this season. Purcell has good size (6' 3", 202 lbs), great speed, and great hands. Purcell has scored in buckets for the Kings' minor league affiliate in Manchester the past two season, but his scoring touch has not transferred to the NHL during is brief stints with the Kings over that time. I see that changing this season and I am predicting a twenty-plus goal season for Purcell. [Editor's Note: 2 goals, 1 assist through 10 games . . . it's a start.] Of course, there is always the chance he will not perform and either be sent back to Manchester or shipped off to another team. So this goes out to you Teddy: do not prove me wrong, please.
Last, but certainly not least, is the big question going into every season for the past ten years: what will the Kings' goaltending be like. It has been the position that has plagued the Kings the most of my years as a fan. Well, I am happy to stay it is not as big of a question this season. Last season, Jonathan Quick came out of nowhere to post a respectable 21-18-2 record in forty-four games, with a 2.47 goals-against-average and .914 save percentage. Quick was one of the main reasons the Kings stayed in the playoff hunt late into the season and comes into this season as the clear cut number one goalie. He will be backed up by Erik Ersberg, who managed an 8-11-5 in twenty-eight games with a 2.65 goals-against-average and .900 save percentage. Together they are a pair of goalies capable of keeping the Kings in every game. And do not think I have forgotten about Jonathan Bernier, the Kings' first-round selection in 2006 (11th overall), who has all the makings of a franchise goalie and will get a full season of experience down at Manchester after spending the previous seasons in junior hockey. Do not be surprised if the Kings move Ersberg sometime during the season and we see Bernier serving as back up. This will be his team sooner than later.
Which brings us to the final question: where will the Kings finish the season? Will it be another season of SBTB: The New Class or will we finally get the original cast reunion we have been waiting for? As I told Mom, the Kings' are going to be real good this season, [Editor's Note: 6-4-0 through 10 games, tied for 1st in the Pacific with Dallas and Phoenix . . . What? The Coyotes? . . . It's early.] and that means I will be seeing all of you at the Staples Center in mid-to-late-April when the Kings are busy eliminating the some poor, unsuspecting team from the Stanley Cup playoffs. Will they finally raise the Cup this season? Don't be silly, baby steps . . . that comes next year.
Well dear avid readers of GameTime, TBD©, I am happy to report the golf game is in great shape. Admittedly, I fell apart over the final five (5) holes on Monday, but I was exhausted. A man can only swing his club some many times per hole and sixty-three holes in one weekend is a lot of work (that's what she said!). All-in-all, in was a very profitable weekend for my buddy Coop and I, and I am confident my game will be back to where it should be sooner rather than later.
So, with the successful revival of my golf game, I decided to look for other facets of my life that could use a little retooling. The first thing I stumbled across was my physical fitness. It is not like I am terribly out of shape, but I have added a few pounds since the end of summer. That being said, I think my physical fitness level peaked back during my sophomore year of college (9 years ago? Really? Man, I'm old). Money Bags and I were working out in some fashion almost everyday (MB had this diabolical sprint workout he loved to do . . . me, not so much . . . but it certainly made me faster). As I see, every year since then, there has been a small slip in my fitness level. No more. I have officially started "The Streak" (currently standing at 2), which will be the number of days in a row I am able to work out (gym, I'll be kicking your [censored] after work . . . put it on the bulletin board). When the first streak ends, I will simply start a new one, trying to best the previous. Hopefully by Christmas I will be well on my way back to where I want to be.
I have also noticed I have been slipping in the "creative writing" aspect of GameTime, TBD©. You, my passionate readers, expect more out of me and I, quite frankly, have been letting you down. Yes, I know the Kings season is six games old, and my season "preview" has gone through roughly thirty-two drafts, but I will get it to you this weekend. GameTime, TBD© will not simply be Link Dump after Link Dump any longer. I plan on setting aside some time a couple nights per week to write the pieces you have come to expect. So, well I get started on a list of topics to write about (please, feel free to email or comment on topics you'd like to know my prospective on), here are some things you might have missed from this past week:
- We start with Marisa doing what she does best.
- A 5k race series "bringing fitness, beer and flirting together for a big finish line party"? Sign me up.
- I have been struggling in my NFL Pick 'Em Pool this year. Hopefully The Sports Guy's week 6 preview can help.
- I know a trap when I see one; so does Michael Vick.
- Were you, like me, shocked to discover Michael Sims-Walker was not playing even though you had him in your starting Fantasy Football line-up? He had his reasons.
- I do not know what is more interesting, the allegations in this lawsuit or the background of two of the attorneys involved. You decide.
- Baseball likes them young.
- Remember when Woodrow Wilson was President? Me neither. But he remembers the last time La Salle-Peru beat Geneseo.
- Chris Bosh now owns the Internet.
- Justice, Pitino style: "Any time you defy a police officer, it's serious. They will be punished and are being punished right now. But no, they will not miss game time."
- "Cool heads kept fight from escalating after 'powder puff' contest." Yep, you read that correctly.
- I am going to go out on a limb and say he will probably soon be her ex-boyfriend.
- Dear Torrie Wilson, Just wanted to let you know such abominations are fine by us. Best wishes, your GameTime, TBD© crew.
Before proceeding to our weekly video selection, a quick GameTime, TBD poll: would you prefer future post only relate to sports, or would you like to see a broad spectrum of topics covered? Think it over, discuss it amongst yourselves, and let me know. In the meantime, enjoy these videos as the rest of your week slowly comes to an end:
- Oh look, Douchey McDoucherson is back. The South must be so proud.
- I have been on an Office Space kick this week. You. Are. Welcome.
- Josh McDaniels is fast becoming the most entertaining coach in the NFL. Do not believe me? See for yourself.
- In a strange twist, the boy's friend was arrested for animal abuse shortly after the incident (just kidding . . . but seriously).
- Personal foul, late hit out of bounds, by the skirt. Fifteen yards, to be assessed on the kickoff. Play results in a touchdown.
- Hitler's back, and he is none-too-pleased with Balloon Boy.
Have a great weekend everyone!
. . . three days, 63 holes (I'm such a slut), lots of money. Last year, I was invited to a golf tournament started by one of the partners of my firm and his friends, which has lasted about twenty years now. It runs Saturday through Monday, in which you play eighteen holes on Saturday, twenty-seven on Sunday, and eighteen more on Monday (if you can still swing your club by that point . . . HEY-OH!). The whole thing is handicap adjusted, and matches you and a teammate (this year I'm bringing my good buddy Coop, Coop-a-loop) for all the money. Even better, we get to play three great courses: Rancho San Marcos (Saturday), Alisal Ranch (Sunday), and Sandpiper (Monday). Do not be jealous . . . okay, be a little jealous.
I have been looking forward to this weekend for the past fifty-one weekends. You see, it was at this tournament last year (my first invite) that I discovered my swing had too many flaws to make it in the long run. My game went all David Duval circa-2002 on me and I pretty much embarrassed myself and my buddy Hizzle the whole weekend. I realized my swing had become a house of cards, and the more I tried to fix it myself, the more hitches and hiccups I put that served as little more than temporary patches. I never thought about giving up the game, and for the first time in a long time, I did not just go by a new club to make me feel better. I found myself a golf teacher and, over the past five months, I have torn my swing down and built it back up. I may not be scoring as well as I would like to heading into this weekend (my handicap is the highest it has been in over a decade), I know that comes mostly from only having played two rounds in the past three months. As I get out there more, I know more scores will come down as I remember all of my course management skills. However, I am confident going into this weekend because my ball striking (Matt Holliday knows a thing or two about ball striking) is back to where it was in college and I am hitting the ball longer and straighter (for the most part) than I may ever have. Since the tournament is handicap adjusted, the scoring will take care of itself. Yes, my short game still needs a lot . . . nay . . . A LOT of work (hence the not scoring well), but that will come with more time spent on the course (and less time putting from the rough . . . HEY-OH!). More importantly than all that though, I have remembered how much fun golf actually is; I remember why I fell in love with the game in the first place. So now I have focused, confident, and ready to hand it to three challenging course (read: get it handed to me), all with a smile on my face.
Are you still with me? I know that is not the most entertaining Link Dump introduction we have ever written here at GameTime, TBD©, but what can I say, I am excited. If you made it this far, we appreciate you sticking around and would like to reward you. Here are some things you might have missed:- Friday Night Lights, the best show you (or anyone else for that matter) are not watching, returns October 26th on DirecTV's The 101. A cast easy on the eyes does not hurt either.
- Speaking of easy on the eyes, Esquire went and did this. Gentlemen, you. Are. Welcome.
- [We interrupt our Link Dump for some non-sports-related news.] What do you do when you have your Miss Teen Louisiana crown striped after a pot bust (note to self, remember to not leave identifying items behind when pulling the old dine-and-dash trick)? This of course. [We now return to our regularly scheduled Link Dump.]
- Let me see, that is three more medals for the United States and one gold for New Zealand.
- Last night was a tough night for St. Louis fans all around.
- Mike Hamrick is just living the dream.
- You were not the only one to miss the major storyline in this past Monday's MNF game.
- Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
- Good news Romosexuals, Tony can count to four.
- Ron Artest politely asks blog writer [Editor's note: not me] to fellate a certain unmentionable.
- The Nationals should give this guy season tickets or something.
- "They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore." "Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?" "Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my [arm] off."
- Sometimes the headline writes itself.
- If you thought the Madden Curse was bad, wait until you read about the Lakefront Marathon Curse.
Well, it is hard to deny, I am in a great mood right now. I have a three-day weekend ahead of me just so I can golf. It does not get much better than that. But since I know not all of you are as lucky as I am right now, I feel it is only appropriate we provide you with only the finest videos for your weekly viewing enjoyment. Let us say we call it a special gift to you, our dedicated readers, because the Chief is feeling it today.
Have a great weekend everyone!
The chief is indisposed at the moment with actual work . . . go figure. He was hoping to be able to prepare everything at the same time, but that does not seem possible. We sincerely apologize for not being able to bring you your weekly dose of entertainment. Check back later, however, as we are hoping to have our Kings' season preview up soon as opening night is tomorrow night.
Hope you all have a great Friday and an amazing weekend!
It is funny to think how much relationships change over time. Take my relationship with my Bro, for example. Growing up we had your typical older/younger brother, where he asserted his "rights" as older brother quite frequently (you know, as a lawyer, I've read the Constitution and Bill of Rights cover-to-cover, more than once, and I still don't see these "rights" he claims to have had . . . I think I've been duped . . .). As we have grown older, things have changed. For starters, I eventually out grew him, so that took care of the physical advantages he might have had, and although he remains perhaps the smartest person I know, my minds not to shabby, so we are able to have some great conversations now. As it turns out, older brothers can make pretty good friends. The same goes for my Better Half. Our relationship has certainly changed over time, and not just the change in title from girlfriend to fiancée to Mrs. GameTime, TBD©. I am sure you can imagine that, over the course of seven years together, things change. Yet in those seven years, one thing still remains the same (okay, two, yes I still love her like crazy): I still have the uncanny ability to get that "What the hell are you talking about?" look whenever I want. Case-in-point:
Last night, not long after she had gotten back from catching up with some of her school friends, I proposed a toast, which I tend to go from time to time. She was, I can only imagine, expecting sweet and romantic; instead, she got "To Arthur Guinness, the man who revolutionized the world of real estate." Since you all, my avid readers, are of the same sound mind as me, I am confident you know that yesterday was the 250th Anniversary celebration of the founding of the Guinness brewery at St. James' Gate, Dublin. My Better Half probably knew this too. But having just returned from her "Let's Save the World" club reunion, she was caught a little off guard and, just like clockwork, out popped her famous "What the hell are you talking about?" look (speaking of popping out, a belated congratulations to Nosh and Gosh on the arrival of their incredibly adorable son Mosh). You might find this hard to believe, but I have enjoyed a Guinness or two in my lifetime and, like all things in life I enjoy, I have done a little research on the history of the Guinness brewery. While I will spare you the details on the brewing process, here's one interesting fact for: when Arthur Guinness leased the St. James' Gate brewery to begin brewing his now world famous porters and stouts (mostly stout now-a-days), he signed a . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . 9,000-year lease for £45 per year. Put another way, as of 2008, it would cost you £6,244.83 to purchase something that cost £45 in 1759, or $9,956.76 (US). I cannot even rent a decent apartment in Southern California for $10,000 per year, and some poor schmuck (Mark Rainsford) leased their property to a multi-national company for just that amount. And they have still got it for another 8,750 years.
Well, needless to say, my toast last night had its desired effect. And now, reliving this story, has got me craving another pint (or two) of Guinness (in a bottle . . . BRILLIANT). So, while go track down some people to take a "lawyer's" lunch, here are some things you might have missed from the past week:
- Need help with your picks for this Sunday? Here is a story about a twitter feed that just might help . . . provide you with hours of entertainment. What? You thought it was going to help you with your picks?
- Does this mean we can finally start the Matt Leinart is an NFL bust debate?
- Because the eighty uniform combinations Oregon already had just were not enough.
- Tiki Mayben really knows how to dish the rock.
- It was love at first excessively-large bar tab.
- Raise your hand if your top young prospect is not a murder suspect. Hand down Giants.
- Rest in peace Tiger Stadium, rest in peace.
- Insurance contracts say the darnedest things.
- Muammar al-Qadaffy-duck's secret identity has finally been revealed.
- Actual quote: "This will make me the chief of my tribe." [Editor's Note: men, prepare to squirm]
- Now you (yes, you) can scratch (and sniff?) the Nature Boy. Wooooooo! [Update: Now with a commercial.]
- Well, that really did not go as planned.
- This week's "Stupid Cops" award goes to (*spins wheel*): the fine folks at the Polk County Sheriffs Department, Lakeland, Florida.
Well, I have rounded up my crew and we are ready to have at it. What can I say, it is Friday and we have all worked too many hours. Unfortunately, it looks like you are still in need of some entertainment, which is why we picked out these clips for your weekly viewing enjoyment:
- Would you look at that, something exciting did happen at the Lions' game last Sunday.
- Rainn Wilson and Dwight Howard debate some serious topics. [Editor's Note: poor sound quality, sorry.
- "I don't want to make fun of him, just a little humor" . . . that we will broadcast on national television.
- He is the second-coming of Eric Metcalf. Finally!
- Stage diving into opponent's band ends . . . well . . . just the way we like it.
- In Russian soccer news: I wonder how this guy's "re-education" is going?
Have a great weekend everyone!
Girls from Orange County, California are, on average, hotter than normal. Trust me, I married one. This class of "hotter than normal" girls can be broken down further into two sub-classes: (1) classy hot (see, e.g., my Better Half), and, well, (b) USC hot (read: sluts). A portion of my morning commute takes me past USC, and it is about this time of year that this second class of OC girls begins filling the crosswalks around the campus. Personally, I have always equated destroyed-denim miniskirts, skimpy tank tops with daddy's high school graduation gifts hanging out, and Ugg boots as early-summer outfits; these girls call them uniforms for 8:00 a.m. classes. And while these "uniforms" may be the only redeeming quality of USC as a whole, they are also the first sign that summer is over . . . and that bums me out.
I must say that I had a pretty awesome summer. With the exception of an extended rehabilitation from what should have been a simple surgical procedure, I can not think of anything to really complain about. We had great weather pretty much all summer long down here in Southern California (what else is new); I became an uncle twice over; I had a great 4th of July party/weekend with many of my friends; I got to travel for work a couple of times; I started getting my golf game back to form; my Better Half and I celebrated our first anniversary; we took an awesome vacation with my family to Aruba; and I completed my first (mini) triathlon. No, it was not the same kind of fun my friends and I used have back at the Malibu Sands Beach Club; it was more of an adult fun (*wink*), but it was fun nonetheless.
And I was not the only person to have a great summer. No sir. Just look at the summer young Matthew Stafford had:
Wait, what? Seriously? I have got to believe this decision was not actually made by Jim Schwartz. I am pretty sure his phone rang on the 6th and the conversion went something like this:
"Hey Marty [Lions' GM Martin Mayhew], how's it going?"
"Hi Jimmy, things are going well."
"Good to hear, good to hear. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I just got off the phone with Willie [Lions' owner William Clay Ford], and we both wanted to let you know how happy we are you decided to make Stafford the starting quarterback. This situation has [former-first round bust] Joey Harrington written all over it, and we couldn't be more excited."
"Um, Marty, I haven't made it public yet, but I'm going to name [veteran-quarterback] Daunte [Culpepper] the starter tomorrow. I would think you guys wouldn't want a Harrington repeat."
"Don't be silly Jimmy. We've been watching the games too and you know we can't afford to have $78 million on the sidelines in this economy . . . err . . . I mean, you know we have the best chance of winning with Stafford out there."
"Well, I guess I would have to dis. . ."
"Sorry to cut you off there Jimmy, but I've got to run. Send our congrats to Stafford."
You have got to feel bad for Schwartz. This guy is doing everything he can to right this ship, to change the culture of the organization, to [insert cliche of choice here], and it is likely his first major decision was not even one of his own. Sure, it did not help that Daunte needed eight stitches in a toe before the final preseason game, but we are talking about a team in search of its first win in over a season. As you all know, the Lions have lost 17 games in a row [Update: 18 19] (final game of 2007 season and all of the 2008 season). Here is a brief look at the Lions 2009 schedule and my predicted outcome:
Week 1: at New Orleans - LOSS (fantastic offense vs. poor defense, it's a no-brainer)
Week 2: vs. Minnesota - LOSS (when the schedule first came out, I had this as a win . . . then Favre happened)
Week 3: vs. Washington - TOSS UP (could this finally be the week? I would have this as a win with Daunte at the helm)
Week 4: at Chicago - LOSS (while the Lions might win a game this season, it won't be in the NFC North)
Week 5: vs. Pittsburgh - LOSS (did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?)
Week 6: at Green Bay - LOSS (I think the Lions are oh-for-Barry-Sanders's-retirement at Lambeau Field)
Week 7: BYE (a bye is a win in my book)
Week 8: vs. St. Louis - WIN (a bad team, after a bye week, at home? Finally!)
Week 9: at Seattle - TOSS UP (will Matt Hasselbeck still be alive for this game? That will be the key)
Week 10: at Minnesota - LOSS (any chance Favre will be watching this game in his Wranglers?)
Week 11: vs. Cleveland - WIN (I'm glad we drew the AFC North this season)
Week 12: vs. Green Bay - LOSS (here's hoping the entire starting 22 of the Packers eats too much turkey the night before Thanksgiving . . . hey, they could be that stupid)
Week 13: at Cincinnati - TOSS UP (at least one thing is certain, a Bengal or two will have been arrested by this point in the season and that can't hurt our chances)
Week 14: at Baltimore - LOSS (unless the o-line is much improved this season, Stafford might lose his life here)
Week 15: vs. Arizona - LOSS (since 1997, all but 2 of the defending Super Bowl losers have failed to make the playoffs the following season . . . I'm just saying)
Week 16: at San Francisco - TOSS UP (Frank Gore will be running on stumps by this point in time, but that could still be good enough to beat the Lions . . . sad, but true)
Week 17: vs. Chicago - TOSS UP (this is the Lions' one shot to steal an NFC North game . . . assuming the Bears have clinched a playoff birth by then)
So there you go. I had the guts to call two, TWO, for-sure wins this entire season. If they can squeak out wins in fifty percent of the games I have labeled as a "toss up" (5 of them), then we are looking at a 4-and-12 or 5-and-11 (not to brag, but the Vegas over/under on Lions wins is 4.5). More importantly, if the Lions do not win that week three match-up against the Washington Redskins (Insert Name Here), it is likely their losing streak will reach . . . dear lord! . . . twenty-three games. Yes sir, in the modern era of football, we might witness a team go nearly a season-and-a-half without a win. That is nearly 22 months, or 679 days, between wins; and that is assuming they are able to beat the Rams in week eight.
My point here is this: if you were the Lions, and you were trying to turn this franchise around, would you not focus on just getting wins in 2009 season? They are not going to contend for a playoff spot, and everyone knows it. And for every Peyton Manning or Matt Ryan out there, there is a Ryan Leaf, Akili Smith, or JOEY HARRINGTON. Are we not supposed to learn from history so we do not repeat the mistakes of our past? Having seen some of the preseason action, I have soften my stance on Stafford being a bad pick; the kid has got talent and the potential to be a franchise quarterback. Still, he needs time to develop and the Lions need wins. But can we really be surprised the team is in this situation when they are run by the same guys who run Ford Motor Company? Anyone interested in going in with me on an NFL franchise? All we need is $872 million.
Regardless, summer is coming to an end (boooooo) (bah . . . hehehe), and football season has finally arrived (yay). Things are looking up for the Lions, the Bruins look to be competitive again, and the NHL and College Basketball are right around the corner. I guess it truly is that special time year.
[Editor's Note: We apologize to those of you who show up every Friday more for the fantastically witty introductions. Today's Link Dump will have a shorter introduction because (1) the Chief was stuck in court all morning and unable to finalize everything in a timely manner; (b) we have more links of note than normal; and (iii) it's the start of a long weekend and we expect that most of you do not need that much entertainment before your inevitable early departure from work.]
On Wednesday, my buddy Pong and I had the following gchat conversation:
Me: So, the college football season kicks off tomorrow.
Pong: Check is in the mail.
With the sports book account re-upped to its normal level, college football season is officially back. Putting my annual quest for supplemental income aside for the time being, it did not take long for the 2009 college football season to get the entire Blogosphere moving at the speed of sound. In fact, all it took was a right cross (and a bad Ali impersonation) from LeGarrette "Roll Me a Fatty" Blount (pronounced "blunt" for those of you not understanding the reference) at the end of last night's Oregon/Boise St. game (I would love to include a link to a video at this point, but ESPN has forced any and all posters of the video to remove it from YouTube . . . so I refuse to link to ESPN's version of the video out of principal). So now everyone from print media, television media, and the blogs is weighing on what punishment should be handed down to young Mr. Roll Me a Fatty. So, I figured GameTime, TBD© might as well jump on the bandwagon and throw in our two cents. After watching the events unfold, then rewinding the DVR and watching them a few more times, we feel: (1) it was nice of Boise St. head coach Chris Petersen to tee up his own player like that; the shot could not have been any easier from Blount; (b) while I do not condone Blount's actions, it does kind of seem like Boise St.'s Byron Hout got what he deserved; and (iii) it is funny that fans are always tough guys from behind the barricade, right up until that point when the player is about to cross over the barricade; suddenly those fans can not flee fast enough.
Does Blount deserve to be punished? Yes, of course he does. Criminally like some people are suggesting? Probably not. I expect that Blount will be sitting out at least the next three to four games, and I will be disappointed in both the University of Nike Oregon and the Pac-10 if it is anything less than that. Considering Blount was suspended by the school during the preseason, I would not be surprised if he was asked to sit out the rest of the season. Especially now that Coach Kelly laid an egg in his first game as a head coach in front of a national television audience.
Well, that is all we really have to say about the topic. More importantly, it is time for us to go make our picks for the weekend. So, while I go figure out what spreads I like (Penn St. -27.5 versus Akron in College Station? Yes please.), here are some things you might have missed to help get you to that long weekend a little faster:
- It looks like I will be seeing a match-up of Top 20 teams next week in Tennessee after all.
- College football sideline reporters are hired based on talent alone . . . talent, of course, being defined as blond hair and a healthy set of sweater kittens.
- A collection of fantastic team photos. Thank you, Deadspin.
- America's Sideline Princess returned to work last night, and Zennie Abraham (who?) is just a little suspicious about the timing of everything.
- If you can read Part I and Part II of Simmons's recounting of his most recent trip to Vegas without making comparisons to your group of friends, well then good sir, you are a better man than I.
- Looking for a way to liven up your fantasy football draft? Here is one suggestion for you.
- Having to sign a quarterback just for a preseason game so that your one healthy quarterback does not have to take every snap because he is your team's future? Only the Lions.
- Allow me to introduce you to the scapegoat for the 2009 Dallas Cowboys' season.
- As it turns out, Daniel Synder's bad decisions extend beyond player personnel.
- 2009 has been a great year for the Jagodzinski family.
- Apparently quarterback greatness is not hereditary.
- Headed to a game at Boise St. this season to see the blue turf? Make sure to wear the proper gang colors.
- Please UConn, think of the children.
- I am sorry, they are going to do what?
- When tackling a 14-year-old girl with a gun, recruiters would like you to remember to keep your head up and drive through your opponent.
- Where does Roger Federer stay during the U.S. Open? Why, the Roger Federer suite of course. Wait, what?
- I guess it is time to cross chess off the list of "Things People Do Better When Drunk".
We had to throw those last couple links in there to make sure you did not think we spent the whole week reading about football. Oh wait, that is exactly how we spent the whole week. Regardless, we will keep the football to minimum in these clips selected for your viewing pleasure:
- Those guys who make all those videos of crazy basketball shots went to summer camp this past summer. What did they do at summer camp? Made a video of crazy basketball shots.
- Unfortunately, the punching bag Blount used to train for this upcoming season does not make an appearance during this tour of the Ducks' home locker room. Looks like it is tough playing for the University of
Nike Oregon. - Fat chick + mechanical bull = predictable ending.
- Narcolepsy is not something to be joked about. Okay, maybe just this once.
Have a great weekend everyone!
I know, I know. We have been MIA for a few weeks now and that means many of you have had to struggle through your Friday afternoons. My sincerest apologies for that on behalf of the entire GameTime, TBD© team. That is why I decided not to let anything stand in the way of this week's Link Dump.
With football season right around the corner, I am sure most of you are in full-fledged Fantasy Football mode. I did the responsible thing year and limited myself to three leagues, but it seems I have taken on a consulting role for a few of my friends' teams as well (wait a sec . . . I do work and don't get paid for it? . . . how'd this happen?). Do not fear, I am not about to recap all of my drafts or tell you why I like or dislike picks I have made. No, I am going to do the much more sensible thing and talk about something that is likely to have me sleeping on the couch for the next week or so. Ready?
Chicks are ruining sports. Yes, that is a broad generalization; so, as they like to say, if the shoe fits, wear it. We needed a twelfth team owner for my firm's Fantasy Football league this year and, as it turns out, one of our female associates expressed interest in the opportunity. Our league commissioner [Editor's Note: NOT ME] had a pseudo-interview with this young lady, who we shall call Poncherello, to make sure she had basic football knowledge and was aware of the commitment. All seemed to be copacetic and things were progressing as normal. Then it came time for the all-important team naming process. I . . . nay . . . everyone I know who plays Fantasy Football takes this process very seriously. For my firm league, I always try to make reference to my beloved Lions because I take a lot of heat for my support of, perhaps, the worst franchise in all of sports (save for the Clippers).
As you are all aware, the Lions did not take my advice and hired Jim Schwartz as their new head coach. While I am not thrilled with the hire, I plan on withholding judgment on Mr. Schwartz until later in the season. The hire did, however, make the naming of my team extremely easy. For my name, I looked no further than one of my all-time favorite movies: Spaceballs. Thus, my team was named "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine". All was quiet on the western front for a few days after I submitted my name, but eventually I was summoned to the principal's commissioner's office. Apparently a not-be-named owner of the league had taken offense to my team name. Although the commish refused to disclose the offended team owner, sources close to me confirmed that it was none other than Poncherello.
Seriously? You are going to join a Fantasy Football league and get offended by a team name that, while admittedly a sexual innuendo (in-her-end-OH!), is tame by Fantasy Football team naming standard? Just Google "fantasy football team names" (here, I did it for you) and see what is out there. And you think "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine" is offensive? Look, I think it is great that more and more women are becoming huge sports fans (my Better Half included). But why do women feel the need to try to change or behavior when it comes to sports? If I want to yell at the television, I am going to yell at the television. If I want to throw back a couple beers with the guys during a game, I am going to throw back a couple beers (and I won't care if you want to sip a cosmo or appletini during the game). So, please, ladies, stop trying to change the way we enjoy sports.
So, while I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find a new team name, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:
- Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
- While we were out of commission, GQ went ahead and had features on Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. You. Are. Welcome.
- If you manage to get past Carrie Milbank's picture, may I call your attention to reasons one and three.
- NHL goes Socialist . . . it was only a matter of time with Bettman.
- Honey, cancel our trip to Delaware.
- If Jim Harbaugh ever goes missing, I know the first place to look.
- We have a new leader in the clubhouse for the "Father of the Year" award.
- As much as I love Fantasy Football (yes, I know, only three leagues this year), even I think this is a little (read: a lot) ridiculous.
- If I were Wade Phillips, I would be trying to figure out more ways to get this guy on the field, and fewer ways to make myself look like an idiot.
- The Ninth Circuit thinks that anonymous 2003 drug test should be kept anonymous. What a concept.
- Chris Carpenter fixes John Smoltz in five minutes, joins Tebow in stroll across water.
- I will take "Things You Don't Expect to Hear at a Charity Golf Tournament" for one thousand, Alex. Answer: "I'll show you the size of my tee."
Alright, I am having trouble coming up with a new Lions-related team name. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I am leaning towards "Never Underestimate the Power of the Schwartz", but I am still open to other ideas. Perhaps, these clips, carefully selected for your viewing pleasure, will help:
- This girl needs to be a star . . . immediately.
- "That's as consistent as gravity." I guess Andy Roddick has a personality after all.
- Deron Williams and Kyle Korver are hosting a charity dodgeball tournament. What better way to promote the event than with two funny promos. [Editor's Note: videos to the right.]
- 'Cause soccer cleat in your mouth is bad for yo' health.
- I have watched and re-watched this knockout several times and I still can not decide if it is the greatest knockout or greatest phantom punch of all time. (Also, why do people always feel the need to rush the ring after an awesome knockout?)
- Sorry folks, it is the last episode of Tweet Boxx, Season One.
- Yes, that is Lori Laughlin; yes, that is "Send Me an Angel"; and, yes, this was an actual 80s movie about bmx biking.
Have a great weekend everyone!
[UPDATE: In light of the theme of this week's introduction, I think it only appropriate to add this late-arriving story. Hats off to you Ms. Rampone.]
