In the Dark, There Is Light

As you may recall from last week's Link Dump, the Chief decided to run a little "investment" experiment with the Red Sox.  Something about betting on them to win every game I think.  In that gem of a post, he provided the following commentary:  "Worst case scenario, Red Sox start the season in a slump and early profits are not high enough to offset the losses and the nest egg dries up."  For those of you following along at home, the Red Sox have yet to win a game.  Ouch.

But the night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promised the Chief, the dawn is coming.  For starters, the "brain trust" is out today, so the Chief has already lined up wings, beer, The Masters, and the late innings of the Red Sox/Yankees game during his lunch hour.  By my calculation, that right there gives the Chief more wins than the Red Sox.

And then we thought we would help cheer up the Chief a little more with one of his favorite things: attractive women.  The Chief's dad is a very successful businessman and his role model (bare with us, we're getting to the ladies).  One strategy the Chief learned from his dad, and which he has incorporated into his running of this website, is how to make people feel like they are making decisions while actually doing what he wants.  He is sneaky like that.  It goes like this: (1) the Chief asks you your opinion on what should be done; (b) the Chief "thinks about" the options he was presented; (iii) the Chief chooses his idea.  To top it off, he is so polite about it, you do not even realize he has totally disregarded everything you said until much later.  So, what does this have to do with attractive women you ask?  Simple.  In our March Madness Link Dump, we mentioned Esquire magazine was asking its readers to help it select 2011's "Sexiest Woman Alive".  It is the second straight year they have run this NCAA tournament-style bracket.  So, in April of 2010, the readers voted Brooklyn Decker the Sexiest Woman Alive.  Not our top choice, but we would hardly complain.  And what did Esquire do? They stole a play straight out of the Chief's playbook and, in November of 2010, declared Minka Kelly the Sexiest Woman Alive.  So, this year, when they ran the 2011 "Sexiest Woman Alive" bracket, they made the slight change of asking readers to help determine "your" (the reader's) Sexiest Woman Alive, meaning that, come November, we can expect them to tell us who they think the Sexiest Woman Alive is.  So, even though 30 Rock hottie Katrina Bowden pulled off the upset over defending champion Decker, we can expect someone new in November.

Now, about those attractive women.  If you have not already noticed, what we did right there is list three women; three women that, within the last twelve month, have all been named the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire.  And when there are three women in play, there is only one thing for us to do.  That is right, dear readers, it is time for GameTime, TBD©'s next installment of M-F-K: the Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Edition.  So, we would like to know who of these sexy ladies you would marry, [censored], and kill: (1) Brooklyn Decker; (b) Minka Kelly; and (iii) Katrina Bowden.

While the Chief mulls over his options, here are some things you might have missed from the previous week:

• Some people have a lot of extra time on their hands.  We here at GameTime, TBD© appreciate when they put that extra time to good use.
• Now THIS is customer service.
• New season, new foods to take years off your life.
• Troy Tulowitzki continues to be baseball's MVP of walk-up music.
• If you are a fan of the giveaways, mark these dates on your calendar.
• That trial regarding the former NL West outfielder (no, not that trial, the other trial) is getting a little weird.
• Speaking of extra time, when you are a back-up hockey goalie, you have a lot of extra time on your hands during games.  It is good to see Marty Turco putting his time to go use as well.
• For those of you worried about how Aaron Rogers would handle the NFL lockout, he seems to be doing okay; after all, he has a date with Destiny . . . [Editor's Note:  hardy-har-har]
• We always try to give you at least one feel-good story each week.  This week, it is the story of a ring large enough to be a bracelet.
• If arrest lasts longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention. 

Ok, the Chief has "mulled" it over and believes the answer is clear.  He loves him his blonds and fears what diseases Derek Jeter might be incubating within his jock; talk about tainted goods.  So, Minka must go.  Also, as you may recall from our last M-F-K installment, the Chief has an unnatural fear of large boobs and the damage they might cause in the throes of passion.  While he is willing to offer Brooklyn a ride, he is worried about long-term brain damage from constant blows to the head . . . wait, what? [Editor's Note: concussion and bedroom sports, it's time to get serious].  So, Brooklyn gets the [censored] of her life and is shown the door.  Which leaves him with Katrina.  I mean, just look at that butt.  How could you not want to come home to that every night? [Editor's Note: truth be told, I already do.]  Winner, winner, chicken dinner.  Speaking of winners . . . 

• You. Are. Welcome.
• Rest assured, ladies, these men DO NOT speak for everyone.
• You can always count on The Onion to tell it like it is should be.
• I know I railed against April Fools jokes last week, but this one was actually worthy of being shared. 
• This commercial is only made better by the fact the Red Sox currently sit winless.
• And the whiff.
• Floor remains undefeated in epic battle with human heads.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oh the Madness!!!

[Editor's Note: we've been having some technical difficulties with the site over the past couple of days and few things are still not back to normal. If anything appears out of the ordinary or is not working properly, we apologize. Hopefully we'll be back up a running properly soon . . . and hopefully this Link Dump works properly.]

So, Selection Sunday is right around the corner and all the major sports media outlets have there Cinder-Bracket-Bouble-Ology-Watch-Ella stories running at full speed. As always, I am uber-excited for the tournament, especially after (knock on wood) the Bruins complete their magical run to the tournament this weekend (nothing says dominant conference like your conference tournament champion getting a 14 seed). As usual, I will be spending some of the opening weekend in Las Vegas with my friends going to some shows placing bets on random five-twelve match-ups.

But as excited as I am for Selection Sunday and the start of the Tournament, there is one thing about this time of year that gets me annoyed: all the other bracket-type features websites and blogs run this time of year. I can not tell you how many emails we get around this time of year or how many links pop up on our favorite sites directing us to some bracket trying to determine "The Greatest Sports Movie of All Time" (Caddieshack), or "The College with the Hottest Chicks" (decent), or "The Best Celebrity Couple", or, of course "The Hottest Woman" (ok, I can get behind that one . . . that's what she said . . . ba-ZING). Even How I Met Your Mother had an episode based on a bracket (but that one was totally awesome, no complaints here). I mean, look, if Sports Illustrated wants to decide the "Hottest Swimsuit Photo of All Time", you are not going to see me complaining (though, let's agree to disagree on the result . . . a fair choice, but I think a little swayed by Ms. Decker's current popularity . . . plus, the bracket lost all credibility once the editors decided to leave out this picture). But why does it have to be in bracket form and why does it have to in March? Is March "Bracket Appreciation March"? Did Congress declare March "National Bracket Month"? I mean, it is only a matter of time before someone starts up "The Best Non-NCAA Tournament Bracket" bracket (hmm . . . I could be onto something, maybe I should copyright that or something . . . anyone know a good attorney?). And then, it is only a matter of time until the whole world comes to an end, which is kind of a bummer.

I do not normally say something like this, but it should let you know just how tired of this I am: please do not send me any links to brackets. I spend a decent amount of times on sports websites and blogs, so there is a good chance (read: I guarantee) I have seen it already. I know, I know, I am not one to chastise my readers, but a man can only take so much. I hope you understand where I am coming from on this one though, and can find it in your heart to stick around as a GameTime, TBD© fan. Maybe these will help:

• If you had the Hartford Courant in the "First Paper to Run Article About How NCAA Office Pool Will Turn You Into a Degenerate" pool, please collect your winnings to the right.
• I was under the impression Tiger did not have much of an image left to manage.
  
• Jim Schwartz goes all ex-boyfriend-stalker crazy to land himself a top free agent; no complaints here.
• Yes Dan, you are just an idiot.
• Lethargy rehab? Is nothing safe from rehab theses days?
• When you are used to playing in hockey hotbeds like Raleigh and Nashville, things in D.C. can be scary.
• The Canada Post puts out amber alert on hockey cards.
  
• So, about that time you had sex with your sister . . .
• I do not know what is sodder, the fact Florida State has a "Sod Cemetery" or that someone bothered to asterisk each of the vacated wins.
• The Pinstripe Bowl? Is that really something we need?
• This year's MLB pre-season "race remarks taken out of context" are brought to you by [*spins wheel*]: Torii Hunter.
• Looks like Nails has gotten himself caught in yet another [legal] pickle.
• It must be a contract year.
• Some quick math tells me that is 1,050 per prostitute for the entire event, or thirty-five per prostitute per day. Gross.

I know what you are thinking right about now: "It's the week before the NCAA tournament. Here comes the 'UCLA comeback versus Gonzaga' video clip". Do not be silly. That clip is worthy of its own post each and every year and you can rest assured that post will come next Wednesday. In the meantime, here are some crazy-entertaining non-NCAA Tournament clips for your viewing pleasure:

• Nothing says "It's baseball season" like a bench-clearing brawl with not one, but two felony assaults.
• While Jimmy Fallon might have fallen short on his Saved by the Bell reunion efforts, he certainly knocked this one out of the park.
• And then he topped off the week with this reunion.
• My Better Half and I are visiting my Bro and SIL at the end March and we plan on seeing a Boston Bruins hockey game. We better also see this.
• Real bears playing hockey. Enough said.+
• This was an inexcusable omission from last week's Link Dump. Rest assured, we have addressed the issue and "taken care of it".
• Look at that, Heidi Montag (at least I think that's Heidi Montag) did something almost funny.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Howdy Strangers

I know, I know. We have been MIA for a few weeks now and that means many of you have had to struggle through your Friday afternoons. My sincerest apologies for that on behalf of the entire GameTime, TBD© team. That is why I decided not to let anything stand in the way of this week's Link Dump.

With football season right around the corner, I am sure most of you are in full-fledged Fantasy Football mode. I did the responsible thing year and limited myself to three leagues, but it seems I have taken on a consulting role for a few of my friends' teams as well (wait a sec . . . I do work and don't get paid for it? . . . how'd this happen?). Do not fear, I am not about to recap all of my drafts or tell you why I like or dislike picks I have made. No, I am going to do the much more sensible thing and talk about something that is likely to have me sleeping on the couch for the next week or so. Ready?

Chicks are ruining sports. Yes, that is a broad generalization; so, as they like to say, if the shoe fits, wear it. We needed a twelfth team owner for my firm's Fantasy Football league this year and, as it turns out, one of our female associates expressed interest in the opportunity. Our league commissioner [Editor's Note: NOT ME] had a pseudo-interview with this young lady, who we shall call Poncherello, to make sure she had basic football knowledge and was aware of the commitment. All seemed to be copacetic and things were progressing as normal. Then it came time for the all-important team naming process. I . . . nay . . . everyone I know who plays Fantasy Football takes this process very seriously. For my firm league, I always try to make reference to my beloved Lions because I take a lot of heat for my support of, perhaps, the worst franchise in all of sports (save for the Clippers).

As you are all aware, the Lions did not take my advice and hired Jim Schwartz as their new head coach. While I am not thrilled with the hire, I plan on withholding judgment on Mr. Schwartz until later in the season. The hire did, however, make the naming of my team extremely easy. For my name, I looked no further than one of my all-time favorite movies: Spaceballs. Thus, my team was named "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine". All was quiet on the western front for a few days after I submitted my name, but eventually I was summoned to the principal's commissioner's office. Apparently a not-be-named owner of the league had taken offense to my team name. Although the commish refused to disclose the offended team owner, sources close to me confirmed that it was none other than Poncherello.

Seriously? You are going to join a Fantasy Football league and get offended by a team name that, while admittedly a sexual innuendo (in-her-end-OH!), is tame by Fantasy Football team naming standard? Just Google "fantasy football team names" (here, I did it for you) and see what is out there. And you think "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine" is offensive? Look, I think it is great that more and more women are becoming huge sports fans (my Better Half included). But why do women feel the need to try to change or behavior when it comes to sports? If I want to yell at the television, I am going to yell at the television. If I want to throw back a couple beers with the guys during a game, I am going to throw back a couple beers (and I won't care if you want to sip a cosmo or appletini during the game). So, please, ladies, stop trying to change the way we enjoy sports.

So, while I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find a new team name, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:

• Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
• While we were out of commission, GQ went ahead and had features on Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. You. Are. Welcome.
• If you manage to get past Carrie Milbank's picture, may I call your attention to reasons one and three.
• NHL goes Socialist . . . it was only a matter of time with Bettman.
• Honey, cancel our trip to Delaware.
  
• If Jim Harbaugh ever goes missing, I know the first place to look.
• We have a new leader in the clubhouse for the "Father of the Year" award.
• As much as I love Fantasy Football (yes, I know, only three leagues this year), even I think this is a little (read: a lot) ridiculous.
• If I were Wade Phillips, I would be trying to figure out more ways to get this guy on the field, and fewer ways to make myself look like an idiot.
• The Ninth Circuit thinks that anonymous 2003 drug test should be kept anonymous. What a concept.
• Chris Carpenter fixes John Smoltz in five minutes, joins Tebow in stroll across water.
• I will take "Things You Don't Expect to Hear at a Charity Golf Tournament" for one thousand, Alex. Answer: "I'll show you the size of my tee."

Alright, I am having trouble coming up with a new Lions-related team name. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I am leaning towards "Never Underestimate the Power of the Schwartz", but I am still open to other ideas. Perhaps, these clips, carefully selected for your viewing pleasure, will help:

• This girl needs to be a star . . . immediately.
• "That's as consistent as gravity." I guess Andy Roddick has a personality after all.
• Deron Williams and Kyle Korver are hosting a charity dodgeball tournament. What better way to promote the event than with two funny promos. [Editor's Note: videos to the right.]
• 'Cause soccer cleat in your mouth is bad for yo' health.
• I have watched and re-watched this knockout several times and I still can not decide if it is the greatest knockout or greatest phantom punch of all time. (Also, why do people always feel the need to rush the ring after an awesome knockout?)
• Sorry folks, it is the last episode of Tweet Boxx, Season One.
• Yes, that is Lori Laughlin; yes, that is "Send Me an Angel"; and, yes, this was an actual 80s movie about bmx biking.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[UPDATE: In light of the theme of this week's introduction, I think it only appropriate to add this late-arriving story. Hats off to you Ms. Rampone.]

Working for the Weekend

Things have been buzzing around "the office" since the Chief announced his new plans for GameTime, TBD©. For starters, several drafts of his Kings' season review have been written, and each one gets nastier and nastier, but you will be shocked when you see who he is taking it out on.

Additionally, the Chief has already set up at least one meeting this weekend to talk "terms" with a possible guest contributor. A source close to the negotiations has informed us that multi-post guest run is all but done. Apparently the last sticking point revolves around the language of a "No Trade" clause and the possibility of an exclusivity clause. We hear that both sides are confident the deal will get done this weekend though. We anticipate this will be the first of many guest contributors.

Meanwhile, the actual office is awfully quiet today because it is the weekend of the executive retreat, which means there are exactly ZERO partners here today. Sure, an occasional call comes through asking for a quick response to a client, but for the most part, this is our snow day. In fact, I am going to cut this introduction short so I can go figure out where some of us are going to go for lunch (and by lunch, I mean the better part of the afternoon). Do not be jealous, I am sure you all have days like this too. No? Bummer.

Well, regardless, here are some things you might have missed:

• BAP: The wives and girlfriends (commonly known as WAGs) of soccer players are hot. Crowd Response: How hot are they? BAP: Glad you asked. [Editor's Note: May we recommend nos. 84, 61, 50, 48, 40, 38, 28, 9, 7, and the entire Top 5.]
• Seriously, what does he have that I do not? [Editor's Note: that's a rhetorical question people.]
• Cheerleading coach fired for doing the Lord's work. I am sure the parents had the best interest of the team at heart, and were not bitter because their children did not make the team, not at all.
  
• I thought boobs were supposed to be a part of Spring Break.
• I will give this one last try: Dear Detroit Lions, please take Aaron Curry with the first pick.
• Good to see USC is still producing those top-notch, classy athletes.
• Jack Plummer, high school football assistant-coach.
• It may be long, but this Todd Marinovich story is a must read.
• Whatca gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania goes all Pez dispenser on you?
• Surprise, surprise, the NCAA is not fond of something it does not own the rights to. Weird how that works.
• No, no Heath, tell me how you really feel.
• "The beer lines are slower because they insist on pouring it for you, but the only place you'll find a quicker ladies room is at a Rush concert -- I know from experience."
• That would have been one helluva team party.
• Alright people, you really let us down by not bringing this to our attention sooner.

I told the Chief that we should have saved some of last weeks videos for later, just in case, but he was too amped up and did not listen. So, be forewarned that this weeks selection of videos for your viewing enjoyment are not quite as epic. Good? Yes. Epic? You tell us:

• Now, why on Earth would Kanye be upset about this?
• Congratulations Jeff Schultz, you just made YouTube. [Editor's Note: do yourself a favor and keep your speakers off for this one, those guys are lame.]
• "Oh snap, epic Pwnage!"
• "She misses one more backhand and it will be twenty lashings. Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
• Wait, what did he just say?
• "All the same in the back of a dark van, my friend."
  
• Lindsay is single and ready to mingle.
  

Have a great weekend everyone!

You've Come to the Right Place

[Editor's Note: the (lack of) material contained in this post is borderline-NSFW. Is that a bad thing?]

It will probably come as no surprise to our avid readers, but the fine folks here at GameTime, TBD© are exhausted from a long and emotional week. And while we wish we could just pack it in and take another week off, duty calls and we will answer.

Is it just me, or is there bad news lurking around every corner? My office building installed mini television monitors in the elevators so that every morning we can be regaled with the wonder that is the state of our economy. Believe you me, nothing gets me more excited for the coming day than reading headlines about record unemployment rates and the falling stock market. And then there is President Obama's daily urging of the Senate to pass his stimulus package as soon as possible. While it was nice of President Obama to take time out of his first primetime press conference to give us his opinion on the A-Roid situation, I think he should have stuck to the more important issues (por ejemplo: President Obama, your economic stimulus package (1) fails the test of bipartisan politics you touted during your campaign, and (b) does not actually stimulate anything. When exactly will the U.S. become a socialist government? January 20, 2009? But that was three . . . oh hell). Look, I love that we have a President who is passionate about sports (breaking news into the GameTime, TBD© sports desk: so was President Bush). Sports are, after all, a pretty integral part of almost every one's lives. And I agree that the government needs to do something sooner rather than later. But I, for one, do not mind if the Senate wants to take a little extra time to make sure the plan will actually stimulate the economy before saddling the American people with an $820 trillion (I find it more persuasive if you write the number out: $820,000,000,000,000) bill.

Then yesterday came word from some federal judges that California needs to reduce its prison population by up to 40%. As an attorney, I believe that prisoners still have rights and need to be treated within the bounds of the U.S. Constitution. But as a citizen of the State of California, I am not to found of the thought of two-fifths (or roughly 58,000) of our inmates being released from prison before they have fully paid their debt to society. I do not know about you, but the idea of a prison colony sounds pretty good right about now. Australia seemed to work out well for the British. Otherwise, I will just add this to the growing list of reasons GameTime, TBD© is considering relocating its primary place of business outside of the Golden State.

To top it all off, I know there are more than a few gentlemen out there who woke up this morning and looked at their calendars, only to discover that Valentine's Day is a mere four (4) days away. Now ladies, I know a lot of you out there say that Valentine's Day is not that big of deal, but we men know that deep down inside you like the thought of your man being a little extra romantic on this day and you are expecting more than just some flowers and a dinner out. If Valentine's Day was not such a big deal, why would we have to listen to single women whining about not having anyone to share the day with (and why would those single women hook up with the first dude who makes them feel special [read: buys them their first drink] that night?). Not to pat myself on the back, but I am rock star; since Valentine's Day falls on President's Day weekend this year, I seized the opportunity to plan a special get-a-way weekend for my Better Half and I. She does not know where we are going yet, but she is looking forward to our first weekend away without family since the Honeymoon. Unfortunately, not all of you out there are a rock star, so the thought of Valentine's Day being right around the corner only adds a little to your stress level.

Has all this stress left you in need of an escape? Well my dear readers, you have come to the right place. Whether you are stressed about all that is going on the world, feeling under the weather, tired of the long and cold winter, or just bored in your office because it is just another, GameTime, TBD© has the cure for what ails you. After all, it is the second Tuesday of February and that can only mean one thing: the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue "drops" today. I am sure that most of you are already aware of this, as there is a nary a sports-related website out there not talking about it. So it seemed only right that GameTime, TBD© get in on the action. And while we have not had a chance to see the actual issue, SI's swimsuit-dedicated website has proven more than sufficient to provide the necessary research for this, the first ever GameTime, TBD© Swimsuit Model Rankings and Award show. The rules are simple: I have reviewed the profiles of each of the nineteen (19) professional models, ranked them from least attractive to most attractive, and, like all beauty pageants, given special awards to each. This is obviously subjective (i.e., blonds will always do better with me), likely derogatory towards women (do word on how my Better Half will feel about this), and clearly superficial and meant in good fun. So, without further ado, let us get to the rankings:

19. Melissa Haro (winner of the least attractive "Sometimes Even a Swimsuit Model Requires a Brown Bag" award) - a man chin and death stare are enough to put Ms. Haro at the bottom of my list. This was the easiest decision of the rankings. No hard feelings I hope.

18 - 11. Cintia Dicker, Lucia Dvorska, Jessica Hart, Julie Henderson, Damaris Lewis, Ariel Meredith, Hilary Rhoda, and Anne V (alphabetical order; winners of the honorable mention "Maybe Next Year You Should Go Naked" award) - it is a regular elementary school science fair here at GameTime, TBD©: everyone gets an award. I expected more out of some of these veteran models, and feel bad for those rookies who failed to make a quality first impression. Maybe next year ladies.

10. Jessica White (winner of the "Luckily, Knowing How to Properly Tie Bikini Top Not a Prerequisite" lifetime achievement award) - this was Ms. White's sixth appearance in the Swimsuit Issue, making her the first African-American model to reach that number. She might not have made it this far if it was required that she know how to properly tie a top as there are several pictures where she has difficulty keeping her top tied on, and sometimes it was not even present. Oh the nerve of her..

9. Jessica Gomes (winner of the "Too Good to Be True" award for best discovery story) - Ms. Gomes was apparently discovered at the age of 13 after appearing on the Australian show . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . Bush Patrol. I can not make this stuff up. Well, I am a sucker for accents, and I can only imagine that her Australian accent would do the trick. And who does not like a woman who patrols bush, even if she likely does not have much of her own (ba-ZING!).

8. Irina Shayk (winner of the "Thank God the Cold War is Over" award for best appearance by a Russian) - time to increase your holdings in publicly-traded Russian mail-order bride companies. Perhaps things would have turned out differently if Russia had used women like Ms. Shayk as spies during the Cold War; I can only imagine what information she could have uncovered.

7. Jarah Mariano (winner of the "Thank You Sir, May I Have Another" award for best sophomore performance) - To be honest, I thought this was Ms. Mariano's first appearance. Turns out, I was wrong. As an L&A man, I could not help but notice the strides she has taken to improve. Well played.

6. Daniella Sarahyba (winner of the "Give the Yourself a Hug" award as most improved model) - I was quite surprised to discover that this was Ms. Sarahyba's fifth appearance. So what made her stand out so much this year? She must have gained some self-confidence and learned to embrace her body. Whatever it is, I salute you Daniella. Go ahead, give yourself a hug.

5. Kim Cloutier (winner of the "Maybe Canada Ain't So Bad After All" award for best performance by a model from our neighbor to the north) - whenever I hear the name Cloutier, I usually have flashbacks to this, or this. Thankfully, now I can have flashbacks to this. While she was in the running for the "Rookie of the Year" award, Ms. Cloutier ultimately lost out because she does not know how to properly use a hammock (but don't anyone go and teach her the right way).

4. Tori Praver (winner of the "Say Cheese" award for best spread without a smile) - proof that a sultry look does not require a smile. Not that I think anyone would complain about her spread, but I am just saying, I like a good smile and I would like to know Ms. Praver has one before I move her up the list.

3. Esti Ginzburg (winner of the "Milk Does Do a Body Good" award as Rookie of the Year) - I never thought water wings could look so good (I also never thought that knowing how to swim would be optional for a swimsuit model). She took to heart what she learned in that milk ad as an eight year old, and it shows. Anybody interested in checking out the sights in Naples, Italy with me?

2. Bar Refaeli (cover model; winner of the "You Can't Stop Them, You Can Only Hope to Contain Them" award for best rack) - while it is tough to live up to last year's cover model (can anybody?), Ms. Refaeli certainly gives it the old "college try". She serves as proof that even "A-List" celebrities can out kick their coverage. I think the best rack award speaks for itself ( a little baby oil never hurt . . . is SI accepting applications for next year's oil-applier-guy position?), so long as she can find a top that can contain those sweater kittens.

1. Brooklyn Decker (winner of the "Still Second Fiddle to Marisa Miller" award as top model for 2009 and the "Next Stop, South America" award for best adapted world map) - I was caught off guard when there was no Marisa Miller this year and, thus, had to "settle" on Ms. Decker as the top model for 2009. Though, if I were Andy Roddick, I probably would not be winning many majors if I knew I had this waiting for me at home either. And while we may never know if "the carpet matches the drapes", for some odd reason, I am okay with that. After all, Ms. Decker has the ability to make things appear out of nowhere (I swear there is an island in the background, no?).


Still stressed? I told you you came to the right place. Now get out there and finish planning the perfect Valentine's Day for your better half. I know I have.