Oh, hello there. We sincerely apologize for GameTime, TBD© being inexplicably silent last Friday. We do not really have a good excuse for our error unless you count outright stupidity as a good excuse. The Chief was up in San Francisco to celebrate one of his buddy's thirtieth birthday (welcome to the "Dirty Thirties" Coov) and apparently got the "publish post" and "save now" button confused after putting the final touches on the Link Dump. As such, the post sat silently somewhere in the Internet world instead of being proudly displayed for the world to see. Since that stuff is now outdated (except, of course for some of the video clips), we move on as if nothing happened. Oh, wait, nothing did happen . . . so I guess we just move on.
What do you all have planned for the President's Day/Valentine's Day weekend? Valentine's Day falling on a long weekend is really a lose-lose for us men. Not only are women amped up for Valentine's Day, but now they want a whole weekend out of it. Yes, I am taking my Better Half away for the weekend because she deserves a quiet, romantic weekend of just the two of us. Just the two of us and twenty-four-hour-a-day coverage of THE OLYMPICS! Put your patriotic cap on, cause it is time to celebrate America's dominance in all thing sports for the next two weeks (except the biathlon . . . which is funny when you consider we are one of the few countries that pretty much encourages people to own guns).
As I am sure you recall from my ramblings about the 2008 Summer Olympics, I love me some me Olympics. And my love for the Olympics has grown even more since NBC started using its family of networks for round-the-clock coverage back during the 2000 Summer Olympics. I mean who does not want to stay up until two in the morning watching Team Equestrian Jumping on Bravo? More importantly, during CNBC's mid-day coverage of the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, I truly discovered the sport of curling, and my life has never been the same because of it. I scheduled my "studying" around all things curling that year, and it was worth it. I mean, it is chess on ice with brooms; UH-Mazing! How can you not love a sport in which the object is to "put the stone in the house"? Short-track speedskating? Giant Slalom? Who cares. Kari Erickson was trying to skip the women's team to the first United States medal in curling . . . ever. While she might have fallen short, she paved the way for skip Pete Fenson to lead his men's team to a bronze medal at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, which I watched, because I had yet again conveniently scheduled my law school "studying" around NBC's Coverage yet again. While the Winter Olympics might not garner the same excitement as the Summer Olympics (not having any snow in Vancouver isn't helping this year's Olympics any), I still get equally excited. Though it may sound like I am waxing poetic, here is why: because for two weeks, no matter how terrible things are with economy, or what is going on in the Middle East, or what evil empire I am denying insurance coverage to, we set aside our differences and celebrate accomplishments of people from around the world. It is when Bob Costas puts on his sweater, sits by the fire, and tells us about the hardships that many of these athletes have overcome to make it. And maybe, just maybe, this will be the year he lets us in on the secret of why Americans suck at the Biathlon (seriously people, it's skiing and shooting . . . what's the big deal?).
So, while I check out the event schedule for the next two weeks, and plan my "work" accordingly, here are some Olympic and non-Olympic related things you might have missed from the past week.
- Marisa Miller was here, there, and everywhere during last week's Super Bowl festivities in Miami, and the world is a better because of it.
- If you are a guy and you live under a rock, you might have missed that Brooklyn Decker is this years Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl, officially giving her one more SI cover than her husband. Ouch.
- I hope those people enjoyed their flight to Vancouver.
- Excuse me? A what mating with a what? I do not think any drug testing is necessary for that guy.
- Why God, why?
- The Cincinnati Probation Officers are having a productive off-season.
- The Colts forgot to bring protection with them to Miami, at least according to their boss.
- In case you have trouble understanding Payton Manning's faces, here is a complete guide for you.
- Like the rest of the world, NCAA looks to ensure no one gets hurt feelings; looks to tackle boo-boos next.
- Of course, they are just bitter that the gravy train might not be so full in the near future.
- Screamin' A.'s arrogance never ceases to amaze me.
- Man who secretly videotaped Erin Andrews in the nude in her hotel room upgraded from "amateur stalker" to "professional nut job".
Oh man, it looks like it is going to be a busy two weeks. Just look at Saturday alone. Medals are up from grabs in alpine skiing, freestyle skiing, ski jumping, short-track and long-track speedskating, and . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . the BIATHLON! Great, just what we need, manish-looking women armed and loaded the day before Valentine's Day. Who thought that was a good idea? You know what I think is a good idea? You enjoying these video clips we have collected for your viewing pleasure:
Have a great weekend everyone!
[Editor's Note: the (lack of) material contained in this post is borderline-NSFW. Is that a bad thing?]
It will probably come as no surprise to our avid readers, but the fine folks here at GameTime, TBD© are exhausted from a long and emotional week. And while we wish we could just pack it in and take another week off, duty calls and we will answer.
Is it just me, or is there bad news lurking around every corner? My office building installed mini television monitors in the elevators so that every morning we can be regaled with the wonder that is the state of our economy. Believe you me, nothing gets me more excited for the coming day than reading headlines about record unemployment rates and the falling stock market. And then there is President Obama's daily urging of the Senate to pass his stimulus package as soon as possible. While it was nice of President Obama to take time out of his first primetime press conference to give us his opinion on the A-Roid situation, I think he should have stuck to the more important issues (por ejemplo: President Obama, your economic stimulus package (1) fails the test of bipartisan politics you touted during your campaign, and (b) does not actually stimulate anything. When exactly will the U.S. become a socialist government? January 20, 2009? But that was three . . . oh hell). Look, I love that we have a President who is passionate about sports (breaking news into the GameTime, TBD© sports desk: so was President Bush). Sports are, after all, a pretty integral part of almost every one's lives. And I agree that the government needs to do something sooner rather than later. But I, for one, do not mind if the Senate wants to take a little extra time to make sure the plan will actually stimulate the economy before saddling the American people with an $820 trillion (I find it more persuasive if you write the number out: $820,000,000,000,000) bill.
Then yesterday came word from some federal judges that California needs to reduce its prison population by up to 40%. As an attorney, I believe that prisoners still have rights and need to be treated within the bounds of the U.S. Constitution. But as a citizen of the State of California, I am not to found of the thought of two-fifths (or roughly 58,000) of our inmates being released from prison before they have fully paid their debt to society. I do not know about you, but the idea of a prison colony sounds pretty good right about now. Australia seemed to work out well for the British. Otherwise, I will just add this to the growing list of reasons GameTime, TBD© is considering relocating its primary place of business outside of the Golden State.
To top it all off, I know there are more than a few gentlemen out there who woke up this morning and looked at their calendars, only to discover that Valentine's Day is a mere four (4) days away. Now ladies, I know a lot of you out there say that Valentine's Day is not that big of deal, but we men know that deep down inside you like the thought of your man being a little extra romantic on this day and you are expecting more than just some flowers and a dinner out. If Valentine's Day was not such a big deal, why would we have to listen to single women whining about not having anyone to share the day with (and why would those single women hook up with the first dude who makes them feel special [read: buys them their first drink] that night?). Not to pat myself on the back, but I am rock star; since Valentine's Day falls on President's Day weekend this year, I seized the opportunity to plan a special get-a-way weekend for my Better Half and I. She does not know where we are going yet, but she is looking forward to our first weekend away without family since the Honeymoon. Unfortunately, not all of you out there are a rock star, so the thought of Valentine's Day being right around the corner only adds a little to your stress level.
Has all this stress left you in need of an escape? Well my dear readers, you have come to the right place. Whether you are stressed about all that is going on the world, feeling under the weather, tired of the long and cold winter, or just bored in your office because it is just another, GameTime, TBD© has the cure for what ails you. After all, it is the second Tuesday of February and that can only mean one thing: the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue "drops" today. I am sure that most of you are already aware of this, as there is a nary a sports-related website out there not talking about it. So it seemed only right that GameTime, TBD© get in on the action. And while we have not had a chance to see the actual issue, SI's swimsuit-dedicated website has proven more than sufficient to provide the necessary research for this, the first ever GameTime, TBD© Swimsuit Model Rankings and Award show. The rules are simple: I have reviewed the profiles of each of the nineteen (19) professional models, ranked them from least attractive to most attractive, and, like all beauty pageants, given special awards to each. This is obviously subjective (i.e., blonds will always do better with me), likely derogatory towards women (do word on how my Better Half will feel about this), and clearly superficial and meant in good fun. So, without further ado, let us get to the rankings:
19. Melissa Haro (winner of the least attractive "Sometimes Even a Swimsuit Model Requires a Brown Bag" award) - a man chin and death stare are enough to put Ms. Haro at the bottom of my list. This was the easiest decision of the rankings. No hard feelings I hope.
18 - 11. Cintia Dicker, Lucia Dvorska, Jessica Hart, Julie Henderson, Damaris Lewis, Ariel Meredith, Hilary Rhoda, and Anne V (alphabetical order; winners of the honorable mention "Maybe Next Year You Should Go Naked" award) - it is a regular elementary school science fair here at GameTime, TBD©: everyone gets an award. I expected more out of some of these veteran models, and feel bad for those rookies who failed to make a quality first impression. Maybe next year ladies.
10. Jessica White (winner of the "Luckily, Knowing How to Properly Tie Bikini Top Not a Prerequisite" lifetime achievement award) - this was Ms. White's sixth appearance in the Swimsuit Issue, making her the first African-American model to reach that number. She might not have made it this far if it was required that she know how to properly tie a top as there are several pictures where she has difficulty keeping her top tied on, and sometimes it was not even present. Oh the nerve of her..
9. Jessica Gomes (winner of the "Too Good to Be True" award for best discovery story) - Ms. Gomes was apparently discovered at the age of 13 after appearing on the Australian show . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . Bush Patrol. I can not make this stuff up. Well, I am a sucker for accents, and I can only imagine that her Australian accent would do the trick. And who does not like a woman who patrols bush, even if she likely does not have much of her own (ba-ZING!).
8. Irina Shayk (winner of the "Thank God the Cold War is Over" award for best appearance by a Russian) - time to increase your holdings in publicly-traded Russian mail-order bride companies. Perhaps things would have turned out differently if Russia had used women like Ms. Shayk as spies during the Cold War; I can only imagine what information she could have uncovered.
7. Jarah Mariano (winner of the "Thank You Sir, May I Have Another" award for best sophomore performance) - To be honest, I thought this was Ms. Mariano's first appearance. Turns out, I was wrong. As an L&A man, I could not help but notice the strides she has taken to improve. Well played.
6. Daniella Sarahyba (winner of the "Give the Yourself a Hug" award as most improved model) - I was quite surprised to discover that this was Ms. Sarahyba's fifth appearance. So what made her stand out so much this year? She must have gained some self-confidence and learned to embrace her body. Whatever it is, I salute you Daniella. Go ahead, give yourself a hug.
5. Kim Cloutier (winner of the "Maybe Canada Ain't So Bad After All" award for best performance by a model from our neighbor to the north) - whenever I hear the name Cloutier, I usually have flashbacks to this, or this. Thankfully, now I can have flashbacks to this. While she was in the running for the "Rookie of the Year" award, Ms. Cloutier ultimately lost out because she does not know how to properly use a hammock (but don't anyone go and teach her the right way).
4. Tori Praver (winner of the "Say Cheese" award for best spread without a smile) - proof that a sultry look does not require a smile. Not that I think anyone would complain about her spread, but I am just saying, I like a good smile and I would like to know Ms. Praver has one before I move her up the list.
3. Esti Ginzburg (winner of the "Milk Does Do a Body Good" award as Rookie of the Year) - I never thought water wings could look so good (I also never thought that knowing how to swim would be optional for a swimsuit model). She took to heart what she learned in that milk ad as an eight year old, and it shows. Anybody interested in checking out the sights in Naples, Italy with me?
2. Bar Refaeli (cover model; winner of the "You Can't Stop Them, You Can Only Hope to Contain Them" award for best rack) - while it is tough to live up to last year's cover model (can anybody?), Ms. Refaeli certainly gives it the old "college try". She serves as proof that even "A-List" celebrities can out kick their coverage. I think the best rack award speaks for itself ( a little baby oil never hurt . . . is SI accepting applications for next year's oil-applier-guy position?), so long as she can find a top that can contain those sweater kittens.
1. Brooklyn Decker (winner of the "Still Second Fiddle to Marisa Miller" award as top model for 2009 and the "Next Stop, South America" award for best adapted world map) - I was caught off guard when there was no Marisa Miller this year and, thus, had to "settle" on Ms. Decker as the top model for 2009. Though, if I were Andy Roddick, I probably would not be winning many majors if I knew I had this waiting for me at home either. And while we may never know if "the carpet matches the drapes", for some odd reason, I am okay with that. After all, Ms. Decker has the ability to make things appear out of nowhere (I swear there is an island in the background, no?).
Still stressed? I told you you came to the right place. Now get out there and finish planning the perfect Valentine's Day for your better half. I know I have.
When you are sick, which I have been for the last five days (and, therefore, my humor might be a little off), you look for ways to feel better. Having an amazing Better Half usually helps, especially when they are willing to (1) dote on you all day long, (b) go get you copious amounts of medicine, and (iii) turn the other cheek when you make a bonehead remark because your brain has lost its ability to filter things. My Better Half definitely helps me feel better when I am sick (and hopefully I do the same for her . . . though, let's be honest, I likely make things worse and that's why she's the Better Half). But here is the thing, during the week my Better Half cannot be there for me 24/7. After all, she has a job and I have job and our jobs do not involve us working at the same location.
Believe you me, there are few things in this world worse than being stuck in an office, staring at a computer screen, while you hack up your left lung (only because you spent all weekend hacking up your right lung). Dreading the thought of spending an entire day in the office today with nothing to keep me preoccupied (and hacking up whatever body part comes after my lungs), I first had to stop by the doctor's office to get a much needed prescription for legal drugs. While on my way to the good doc's office, I listened to The Dan Patrick Show, as I have done every morning since it returned last October (a post regarding my unnatural man crush on Dan Patrick is forthcoming). When I tuned into the show, Dan happened to be interviewing a woman and, well, I was confused. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Dan interviewing a woman; there are many female athletes, coaches, and reporters worthy of being interviewed. My first thought was that it was the Rutgers University women's basketball coach talking about how her team got hosed last night. But it was not. Oh, no, it was someone much more important than that . . . Marisa Miller (I'll admit, her interview voice is MUCH different than her bedroom voice so I didn't recognize her at first . . . but I digress).
I had asked my Mother to get me a new subscription to Sports Illustrated for Christmas because Mr. Patrick had announced that he would begin writing for them after the Super Bowl. Because it had been a few years since I last had a subscription to SI, I totally forgot about the added yearly bonus of the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue (do I have to forfeit my man card now?). Well, apparently the 2008 Swimsuit Issue "drops" today (holler) and Ms. Miller is the cover girl (which can be seen here . . . yowzers). While I am fairly certain it would be inappropriate for me to peruse SI's swimsuit website while at work, that does not have to stop me from doing a little research about the history of the issue (and its transition into soft-core porn . . . seriously, is that even a swimsuit on the cover? . . . I think David Letterman said it best when he asked Ms. Miller: "How would that suit hold up in choppy surf?" Short answer: not well).
Well, Sports Illustrated first published a Swimsuit Issue in 1964, featuring a bikini-clad Babette March (Babette March? It's almost too good to be true . . . I can't even make this stuff up). The Swimsuit Issue is widely credited as the publication that helped make the bikini (which had been "invented" in 1946 and had yet to catch on) a legitimate piece of apparel. The 2008 issue marks the seventh appearance by Ms. Miller, but only her first cover. Who has the most covers you ask? Why, it is Elle MacPherson. Nicknamed "The Body" (she stands at 6' 0" tall and is rumored to run a 4.7 forty . . . scouts at the NFL combine are drooling over her "talent"), MacPherson has appeared on five covers, spanning twenty years. She is often referred to as the greatest SI swimsuit model of all time. But I would disagree . . . and, surprisingly, so would my Better Half (she's a HUGE Heidi Klum fan).
While the Swimsuit Issue has grown more scandalous over the years (it has even led some to believe, myself included, that the bikini is now comprised of only the lower half of the bathing suit), it continues to garner complaints from customers and conservatives. You will, however, hear no such complaints coming from my home. You see, my Better Half gets home from work before I do and always gets the mail. This means she will have first crack at the Swimsuit Issue. And while you may be thinking that by "first crack" I mean "throw it away," that is not the case; no sir. Rather, I mean she gets the first chance to peruse the issue. By the time I get home, she will be ready to provide me with a comprehensive review of not only the actual swimsuits (cause, you know, guys check out the issue for the swimsuits . . . and read Playboy for the articles), but her "likes" and "dislikes" of each model. You read that right; I will be "forced" to listen to my incredibly beautiful Better Half explain why she thinks one swimsuit model is more attractive than another swimsuit model (Lord, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but please let me know so I can keep doing it). Believe you me (wow, twice in one post), there are few things in this world more sexy than a woman who is so confident in her own beauty that she is willing to discuss other beautiful women [so ladies, what have we learned in the last week? First, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive); and second, having enough confidence in yourself to talk about other attractive women with your significant other is uber sexy . . . write that down . . . you know, I think I really am changing the world here].
So for now, I am stuck here in my office hacking up my liver. As it turns out, it is not a lot of fun. But at least I have something to look forward to while I do it.
