If you are an avid reader of this fine website (and really, who isn't?), then you know that we here at GameTime, TBD© have generally tried to avoid talking about Tiger Woods and his little "situation". The Chief was of the opinion, and still is of the opinion, that something of that magnitude should not be speculated on. Do we have our theories on what really happened that night? Of course we do. But The Chief said early on that we would not talk about it until we heard something concrete from the source. Finally, we got that today and, now, the bar is open.
First things first: I do not, for one second, believe I ever "knew" Tiger Woods. With all the press and media coverage (whether wanted or unwanted) celebrities, athletes, and politicians get these days, a lot of people begin to feel like they really know all the famous people out there. News flash: you do not. You know what they are willing to show in public. Do not get me wrong, infidelity is a big . . . nay . . . HUGE no-no to me. And yes, my common decency does allow me to feel disappointed that a man who has prided himself character and integrity got himself into such a situation. But Tiger does not now, and never has owed me an apology, and he has never owed one to anyone else other than his family, Elin's family, and maybe some close friends. I appreciate what he said today, and I do believe he was as sincere and sorry as he came across as being, but it is just ridiculous that he even had to hold this press conference in the first place. The only thing I care about hearing from Tiger is (1) when he is returning to golf, (b) how much he is paying Elin to stick around, and (iii) which girl was best (kidding . . . but seriously . . . I'm just joking . . . seriously though . . .).
Which brings me to point two: now that he has had this press conference, there are still some things I am skeptical about:
(1) If Tiger is truly as angry about the rumors/lies he claims people have been spreading, why wait two and a half months to speak up? Clearly, some sort of physical altercation occurred that night, and all signs point to Elin coming out the winner. Tiger can protect her now, then, and forever, but a simple release on his website would have done that and could have done that from the very start. So no, Tiger, I do not believe your teeth look brand new simply because you have had impeccable dental hygiene over the past few months.
(B) You are in therapy (which, don't get me wrong, is great), because you got caught. We are not stupid. If the National Enquirer never runs its story, Elin never goes all Buster-Douglas-versus-Mike-Tyson on you, you are still playing golf, and probably on your second round of skanks, having played through the first eighteen holes. Sure, you may have realized the error in your ways. But have some respect for our common sense. Do not try to make me believe you would have magically come to this realization had you not gotten caught. All celebrities, athletes, and politicians play this card and it drives me nuts. Well, all except one: Michael Vick. He admitted in an interview to DP that, had he not gotten caught, he would probably still be doing the things he was doing. Now that is a man.
(III) I am not trying to open a can of worms here, but was anyone else thrown off by the performance-enhancing drugs denial? Yes, I know a story about PEDs snuck into the press cycle about a month ago, but it just struck me as odd that, in the middle his "I'm sorry I'm a man and I like sex" apology, Tiger would issue such a strong denial and then move on. I am not about to accuse the man of using them (doing so is the third rail of sports blogging), but his statement regarding PEDs really caught me off guard.
Before we get to the reason you are all really here (yes, I've accepted the fact you're here for the links and not my words of wisdom), I have one last thing to touch on. Why is it that only famous people have sex addictions? Or, more specifically, married famous people. Derek Jeter plows through more tail in the average off season than Tiger Woods has in the past few years, yet Jeter is the man and Tiger is in therapy. I understand the obvious point of Tiger being married and Jeter being single; really, I get it. But find me a man who says he does not like sex and I will gladly call him a liar to his face. I am sure my Better Half is going give the business tonight (baZING) about the actual medical side of addictions and why, yes, it is possible, but I can not help but feel a little suspect about the whole thing when the only time I hear about sex addiction is when someone famous gets caught straying from his marriage.
With that, I hope we, as a society (but mostly the media) can all move on now. To show you just how ready and willing I am to move on, here are two three Tiger-related and several non-Tiger-related things you might have missed from the week:
- "Why don't you try reading the rules, Skankapotamus."
- In case you missed it, Tiger had a second press conference immediately after the first.
- Look at that, Bill Simmons did not buy it either.
- "Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmmm, capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!"
- Taking a brief time out for a serious note: the GameTime, TBD© family's thoughts and prayers go out to a great NBA coach and his family.
- Askmen.com put together a list of the "Top 10 Las Vegas Sporting Experiences". The list loses all credibility at Number 8, which clearly is Number 1.
- Mark McGwire would like you to remember he is not here to talk about the past.
- Attempted first-degree murder, five counts of arson, assault and battery, communicating threats, three counts of misdemeanor child abuse, injury to personal property, identity theft AND resisting a public officer? [*commencing slow clap*]
- Apparently robbing two people and swimming naked is a crime. Go figure.
- No, no Tony, tell us how you really feel.
- It takes a certain kind of person (white trash?) to wear a Cowboys jersey around Philadelphia the week after Dallas knocked the Eagles out of the playoffs; a type of person the TSA at Philadelphia airport would call a terrorist.
- T.O. likes to do his little on thing on the catwalk.
- Ladies, I hope you are ready for the most uncomfortably loud mani-pedi ever.
Is it just me, or is it kind of ridiculous how worked up everyone is getting over NBC's coverage of the Winter Olympics? Yes, I understand, for the first time in eight years, everything is happening in a very convenient time zone. But should we not be used to everything being taped delayed? Is it really that big of deal? I knew the results of the amazing 4x100 freestyle relay race at the 2008 Summer Olympics before I saw it, but that did not change how excited I got watching it. Do I wish I could ditch work and spend all day watching the Olympics? Of course, I do. But I can not. And most of the people complaining probably can not either. And to prove to you just how entertaining taped-delayed video can be, here are this week's clips for your viewing pleasure:
- Happy Friday! [Editor's Note: Is that the Sanchize?]
- How on Earth did this song not go big?
- Does anyone know when the funeral services are for the staffer who failed to tell Oprah about the birth mark?
- Last week, it was a great moment from The Price is Right. This week: Jeopardy.
- Word to the wise: When a (possibly racist) 67-year-old man wearing an "I AM a motherf****r" t-shirt gives you guff on an Oakland bus, just let it go. [Editor's Note: language is super NSFW.]
- Did you know Johnny Weir has his own television show? UH-mazing!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Oh, hello there. We sincerely apologize for GameTime, TBD© being inexplicably silent last Friday. We do not really have a good excuse for our error unless you count outright stupidity as a good excuse. The Chief was up in San Francisco to celebrate one of his buddy's thirtieth birthday (welcome to the "Dirty Thirties" Coov) and apparently got the "publish post" and "save now" button confused after putting the final touches on the Link Dump. As such, the post sat silently somewhere in the Internet world instead of being proudly displayed for the world to see. Since that stuff is now outdated (except, of course for some of the video clips), we move on as if nothing happened. Oh, wait, nothing did happen . . . so I guess we just move on.
What do you all have planned for the President's Day/Valentine's Day weekend? Valentine's Day falling on a long weekend is really a lose-lose for us men. Not only are women amped up for Valentine's Day, but now they want a whole weekend out of it. Yes, I am taking my Better Half away for the weekend because she deserves a quiet, romantic weekend of just the two of us. Just the two of us and twenty-four-hour-a-day coverage of THE OLYMPICS! Put your patriotic cap on, cause it is time to celebrate America's dominance in all thing sports for the next two weeks (except the biathlon . . . which is funny when you consider we are one of the few countries that pretty much encourages people to own guns).
As I am sure you recall from my ramblings about the 2008 Summer Olympics, I love me some me Olympics. And my love for the Olympics has grown even more since NBC started using its family of networks for round-the-clock coverage back during the 2000 Summer Olympics. I mean who does not want to stay up until two in the morning watching Team Equestrian Jumping on Bravo? More importantly, during CNBC's mid-day coverage of the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, I truly discovered the sport of curling, and my life has never been the same because of it. I scheduled my "studying" around all things curling that year, and it was worth it. I mean, it is chess on ice with brooms; UH-Mazing! How can you not love a sport in which the object is to "put the stone in the house"? Short-track speedskating? Giant Slalom? Who cares. Kari Erickson was trying to skip the women's team to the first United States medal in curling . . . ever. While she might have fallen short, she paved the way for skip Pete Fenson to lead his men's team to a bronze medal at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, which I watched, because I had yet again conveniently scheduled my law school "studying" around NBC's Coverage yet again. While the Winter Olympics might not garner the same excitement as the Summer Olympics (not having any snow in Vancouver isn't helping this year's Olympics any), I still get equally excited. Though it may sound like I am waxing poetic, here is why: because for two weeks, no matter how terrible things are with economy, or what is going on in the Middle East, or what evil empire I am denying insurance coverage to, we set aside our differences and celebrate accomplishments of people from around the world. It is when Bob Costas puts on his sweater, sits by the fire, and tells us about the hardships that many of these athletes have overcome to make it. And maybe, just maybe, this will be the year he lets us in on the secret of why Americans suck at the Biathlon (seriously people, it's skiing and shooting . . . what's the big deal?).
So, while I check out the event schedule for the next two weeks, and plan my "work" accordingly, here are some Olympic and non-Olympic related things you might have missed from the past week.
- Marisa Miller was here, there, and everywhere during last week's Super Bowl festivities in Miami, and the world is a better because of it.
- If you are a guy and you live under a rock, you might have missed that Brooklyn Decker is this years Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl, officially giving her one more SI cover than her husband. Ouch.
- I hope those people enjoyed their flight to Vancouver.
- Excuse me? A what mating with a what? I do not think any drug testing is necessary for that guy.
- Why God, why?
- The Cincinnati Probation Officers are having a productive off-season.
- The Colts forgot to bring protection with them to Miami, at least according to their boss.
- In case you have trouble understanding Payton Manning's faces, here is a complete guide for you.
- Like the rest of the world, NCAA looks to ensure no one gets hurt feelings; looks to tackle boo-boos next.
- Of course, they are just bitter that the gravy train might not be so full in the near future.
- Screamin' A.'s arrogance never ceases to amaze me.
- Man who secretly videotaped Erin Andrews in the nude in her hotel room upgraded from "amateur stalker" to "professional nut job".
Oh man, it looks like it is going to be a busy two weeks. Just look at Saturday alone. Medals are up from grabs in alpine skiing, freestyle skiing, ski jumping, short-track and long-track speedskating, and . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . the BIATHLON! Great, just what we need, manish-looking women armed and loaded the day before Valentine's Day. Who thought that was a good idea? You know what I think is a good idea? You enjoying these video clips we have collected for your viewing pleasure:
Have a great weekend everyone!
It was a banner night in the GameTime, TBD© house last Friday night. My Better Half flew the coop and head off to San Diego for a "girls weekend", leaving me all alone as the king of my castle. Unfortunately, the plans for my big group orgy fell through, so that left my calendar pretty open. As you know, I was fully prepared to watch Coco host The Tonight Show for the last time, but how I was going to pass the time before it started was a complete mystery. Well, as life often does, the answer became clear the minute I got home.
For starters, my Better Half had ever so nicely sorted the dirty laundry in the bedroom. Now, I am not nearly as smart as she is, so it took me a while to decipher the code, which, as it turns out, was "Do the laundry." But laundry is not something that requires constant attention (unless sitting in your garage and watching a machine shake is entertaining to you . . . but then, I'd assume you're not reading this blog . . . but I digress), so I needed something to pass the time while the washing machine worked its magic. And that is when I saw it, right there on my DirecTV channel guide: the season finale of Jersey Shore. One word: UH-MAZING! I had never watched any of the season, but had heard plenty about it from the likes of BFF and Barnicle, one of my oldest friends. Barnicle had even hosted a Jersey Shore season finale viewing party the night before. As the show progressed, I could literally feel the brain cells in my head dying off. Then, out of nowhere, J-Woww (an actual character nickname) described her ideal man as a "juice-head gorilla", and when she went to the beach to find her some man meat, she inquired "Where are all the juice-head gorillas?" And that was when it happened, my IQ took a fifty point hit; that, and I was hooked. So hooked, in fact, I stuck around for Jersey Shore: The Reunion. I mean, who does not need to learn about the art of fist pumping? This is serious people, the beat wants to fight you so you have to beat the beat up. To think, for the longest time, I thought this was a big spoof; now I know it is real.
What I am trying to say is this: if I seem M.I.A. for the next week or so, do not be afraid. It just means my daily G.T.L. schedule has gotten the best of me. Speaking of which, I am running a little late on the daily schedule. So, while I head out to get my G.T.L. on, here are some things you might have missed to keep you entertained (and smart) for the rest of the afternoon:
- If you had Ray Maualuga in the "Next Cincinnati Bengal to Get Arrested" pool, you may collect your winnings now. Pays double if you also had "DUI in a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire."
- If you see this man in or around the Miami area on February 7, 2010, please contact your local police station. He may be rocking out a great set list.
- "Saintsmania" has permeated the city? EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES (or just take the week off).
- "This is not Detroit, man. THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL." Yes, I am offended (not really).
- I heard his wife had already bought the shears.
- Three words I never thought I would write together: transgender sodomy lawsuit.
- If you are lucky, this man will be playing for your NFL team come next season. Congratulations.
- The SEC is not a fan of fans who love their schools in moments of great triumph.
- Talk about one of your all-time backfires. [Editor's Note: Make sure to watch the video as well, and then check out what happened while the news reporter was filming his intro to the story.]
- This is a story of a cursed high school hockey rink.
- Not too long ago, Charlie Davies was lucky to be alive. Now, it is possible he will be back with the national team in time for the 2010 World Cup.
- Meanwhile, this guy probably will not make it to South Africa this summer.
- It always comes full circle with sex offenders.
- I am sorry, Jim Nantz said what?
Seriously people, one week of G.T.L. and I am feeling swolle' and looking good. All I need is some 'roids so I can complete my transformation to juice-head gorilla; just the man my Better Half has always wanted. Now, I just need to get my hair cut so I can load it up with twenty pounds of gel. I do not want it flopping around while I am out at the clubs beating up the beat. So, while I try to find my local Guido Cuts, you should enjoy this collection of clips for your viewing pleasure:
- I hope, for your sake, your college does not have to play the mighty Nanooks of Alaska, Fairbanks this season.
- With the Olympics right around the corner, I have found myself wondering what it would be like to compete in the Skeleton. Oh look, the answer.
- A decently funny Lonely Island spoof. Never thought it could happen.
- I am sorry, they have tremendous what?
- I am thankful there are people out there with may too much free time on their hands.
- Perhaps all celebration music should be this great. Oh yeah, nice goal too.
- And, yes, we can not have a post about Jersey Shore without one or two shockingly accurate representations of what the show is all about.
Have a great weekend everyone!
You may have noticed over the past few weeks a few Editor's Notes relating to the speed of the Internet around these parts. When we joke about the 14.4 or 28.8 modems being down and out, we do not necessarily feel like we are joking. There have been discussions around the actual office about bandwidth issues because people are leaving their Internet windows up all day (who on Earth would do such a thing?). Our "experienced" and "professional" IT department (if you can call one person a department), has assured the firm on countless occasions that there is plenty of bandwidth and that everyone else is the problem.
Now, I agree with him that everyone leaving an Internet window open all day will cause continuous traffic across whatever fiber lines they have running through here. But I spent enough summers working at Dad's company to know that a single browser window open on someone's computer should not take use back to the days when we anxiously waited to hear those precious, precious words: "You've got mail!" (YES!) Especially when I pass along the following tale . . .
Last week, one of the firm's managing partners up and quit. He took his team and went to greener pastures. That, in turn, resulted in several support staff members having to be let go because we did not have a need for them anymore (isn't it nice when you can finally fire people you've been dying to fire, and then point the finger at someone else?). So as of today, we are leaner by about ten employees. Which, in theory, should mean ten fewer Internet windows up and running all day and, thus, there should be, on average, more bandwidth available to the entire firm. Yet somehow, the entire network has been running even SLOWER this week. I should have worked from home today before heading out to Palm Springs to be with my buddies. As unreliable as our Verizon DSL is, it sure beats a dial-up modem. Sure, I am leaving early for the long weekend, but I still have my duties (hehe . . . duties) to you, my loyal GameTime, TBD© readers, to attend to.
So, while I check in with the guys who are already in Palm Springs to make sure we have enough sunscreen and beer to get us through the weekend, here are some things you might have missed to get your Memorial Day weekend off on the right foot:
- Where was this when I was in college?
- It is Vancouver. What did you expect the Olympic torch to look like?
- And in related news (related in a very loose sense of the word), coaches, athletes, and prostitutes (wait, what?) are all getting the necessary training for the Olympics.
- Please, Roger Goodell is far too busy dealing with Michael Vick to worry about such trivial problems.
- Hey look, Ryan Leaf is back in the news. For a second there, I was getting worried he had turned over a new leaf (See what I did there?).
- A foursome with Anna Rawson? Yes please.
- Q: What do Callaway and Lance Armstrong have in common? A: Their ball doesn't conform to industry standards. (Editor's Note: great writers steal outright.)
- Would you look at that, something exciting actually happened at a Royals' game.
- No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to her illness (Editor's Note: too soon?).
- No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to his illness (ba-ZING!).
- You might think a six-page exposé on Professional Bull Riding is a little excessive, but then you get this: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement." God bless groupies.
- I am sure this was all just one big misunderstanding.
So, I took Dad and Grandma to the Mets/Dodgers game Monday night. Yes, the one where the Mets committed five errors and the Dodgers still needed eleven innings to finish them off. I only bring it up now because it makes for a smooth transition to our video section. You see, Albert Clifford Slater threw out the first pitch of that game (if you could call it a throw). And while I do not know how that pitch will affect his scholarship to Iowa, it certainly does allow for a Saved by the Bell-themed video section:
Have a great long weekend everyone!
