Is This Thing On?

Testing . . . testing . . . one, two, three.  Are we on?  Okay, good.

With the holiday season upon us, things start to get crazy.  Office is closed; people work shorter days; people take longer weekends; in general, work productivity begins to decline.  The GameTime, TBD© office is no exception.  As such, things have been dark around here for the past few weeks. [Editor's Note: as evidenced by our November 19th post (from which, I might add, we learned a large proportion of our male readers find Blake Lively and her . . . um . . . "large proportions" quite satisfying) and the subsequent Thanksgiving weekend break.]  But we are up and running at full steam this week.

However, you will fins this Link Dump is dominated by entertaining videos.  Unfortunately, sports-related news have been dominated this past week by LeBron's return to Cleveland and the Cam Newton pay-for-play scandal.  And you know that we pride ourselves on finding you the non-mainstream articles; the stuff you will not find on the front page of ESPN.  So when not one, but two stories are dominating the news cycle, those obscure stories we love so much become harder to find.  That being said, The Chief would like to take a brief moment to comment on the Cam Newton pay-to-play scandal.

When the Chief was in law school, he was a staff writer for, and then Editor-in-Chief of, the Entertainment Law Review at his school.  The Review focused on legal issues related to . . . shockingly . . . the field of entertainment, which included sports.  As a staff writer, the Chief devoted many hours and even more pages crafting a defense of the NCAA for its rulings on the eligibility of former-USC receiver Mike Williams and former-Colorado kick-returner/Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom (both had been ruled ineligible by the NCAA for various reasons).  As such, the NCAA's recent ruling with regard to Cam Newton left him a little disappointed.  For those of you not completely familiar with the scandal, allegedly Cam Newton's father, with the help of another individual (known in the recruiting world as "a runner"), sought money (allegedly upwards of $180k) from Mississippi St. to secure a commitment from his son.  Mississippi St. was Cam's number one choice because his former quarterback coach was now coaching there.  As the allegations go, Mississippi St. said "No thanks." and Cam's father told him he was not going there and that is how Cam ended up at Auburn.  Yes, we find it very suspect that all of these allegations have arisen as Auburn approaches a national championship and Cam a Heisman trophy, but now that they are out there, would we not expect the NCAA to do the right thing? [Editor's Note: don't answer that . . .]

Without boring you with too many specifics, various NCAA bylaws declare a student-athlete ineligible if he or she, or his or her relatives and friends, accepts money, travel, or other benefits from someone marketing his or her athletic talents (see, e.g., the Reggie Bush scandal).  Auburn found Cam Newton violated these rules, declared him ineligible, and then immediately sought reinstatement from the NCAA.  The NCAA reviewed the facts and found Cam's father (a pastor nonetheless) and this runner had inappropriately sought money for Cam's services in violation of the bylaws.  HOWEVER, it also found that there was no evidence that Cam had knowledge of this, applied a safety-net provision of the bylaws, and declared Cam eligible to play.  And that, my dear readers, is where the NCAA loses all credibility in this ruling.  He had no knowledge?  Common sense would tell you he knew what was up.  Do not believe me?  Imagine you have your heart set on going to one school and one school only (let's call it . . . oh, I don't know . . . Mississippi St.).  You tell your dad it is your dream to go to this school and he says that sounds good.  Then, a few months later, completely out of the blue, your dad says you can not go to the school you dreamed of, but instead you have to go to another specific school (let's call School B . . . um . . . Auburn . . . that sounds like a fun word).  So, Mr. NCAA, am I supposed to believe that, when presented with this exact situation, Cam did not question his father or get the least bit suspicious?  This is a boy who dreamed of being reunited with his quarterback coach.  And I am expected to believe that when his father said that was not going to happen Cam did not want to know why?  Give me a break.  Logic, common sense, basic reasoning skills; these are the only things everyone needed to use to know that Newton should be declared ineligible.  Unfortunately, logic, common sense, and basic reasoning are three things the NCAA lacks . . . especially when it could result in a non-BCS team wining the national championship.

Deep breaths.  Deep breaths.  Sorry, we got a little fired up there.  So, while we go for a short walk, maybe grab some lunch, and take a few deep breaths, here are some none-LeBron and non-Cam Newton stories you might have missed from this past week:

• It is good to see that Marisa Miller is already in the holiday gift-giving mood.  First, she went on Conan in this dress.  Then, she went on The DP Show and said that, if she was in an experimenting mood, she would not mind spending some quality time with Jessica Biel.  Yeah, good luck getting that image out of your head anytime soon.
• Deadspin's Drew Magary hits the nail on the head with his "Hater's Guide to Taylor Swift".  I think he should start writing songs . . .
• In case you were confused with your United States geography, Dallas-Fort Worth is located in the east-to-northeast portion of the country.  So much for those funny southern jokes we like to make.
• Soon, all college girls will be able to justify the "Freshman 15".
• As if we needed another reason to prove the BCS system sucks, Nevada cost itself only about $1 million by beating Boise St. last week.
• Deplorable does not even begin to describe this crime.
• Mediocre hockey players serve as proof to what we already new: hot chicks love money.
• Okay, we lied, one link related to LeBron's return to Cleveland.
• Only with the Los Angeles Clippers does this sort of thing happen.
• Man sues former NBA player for coming onto his court and taking it to the hole.
• If you can get past all the grammatical errors [Editor's Note: did I mention I'm an editor?], here is a look a MJ's new crib.
• Just go ahead and add "pools w/ observation windows" to the list of places I am afraid to swim.
• If you are not too busy on this fine Friday afternoon, here is a look at some of the funnier things associated with the WWE.

I am not going to beat around the bush, we have some pretty fantastic videos lined up for you this week.  It helps that we have been out of commission for a while so that we a couple extra weeks worth of videos for you.  So, with that:

• What is the most adventurous thing you have done lately? Quadruple flip from a ninety-nine foot rope swing?  You win.
• Every once in a while, Saturday Night Live actually pulls something out of the funny bag.  We like to save you the trouble of having to watch the other eighty-eight minutes of the show.
• Only in the South is a beer bong interrupted by this kind of unidentified flying object.
• Around Christmas time, Oprah surprises one lucky audience by being part of her "Favorite Things" episode, during which she gives everyone in attendance a crap load of her . . . well . . . favorite things of the year.  And the audience goes nuts . . . literally.
• I am sure you all have seen this interception a thousand times by now, but it still remains the most impressive interception I have ever seen.
• I am going to go out on a limb and say that is not her first time doing that . . .
• I do not know how Jimmy Kimmel does it week-in and week-out, but his "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship" always gets me.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Runnin' Down A Dream

Things are a bit crazy right now here at the GameTime, TBD© offices. We are going to be dark all next week on account of a vacation, and so we are frantically trying to finish up some last minute work so that we can shut things down at a reasonable hour today. But do not think for one second that a vacation next week is going to stop us from getting you a Link Dump this week. It does mean, however, that our short, pithy introduction is going to be even shorter and pithier today. And it goes like this:

It is amazing how much things can change over the course of a forty-five minute drive into work. I got up extra early this morning so I could get to the gym, get home, get showered and shaved, and be ready for work in time to watch the first half of the (now-infamous) United States versus Slovenia World Cup match. Then I would get in my car and listen to the second half on the radio while I drove (because, you know, as ESPN has told us all throughout the World Cup, this game is available on ESPN, ESPNRadio, and ESPN3.com). Well, after the first half, I was all set to write an introduction about how it is just another disappointing run for the US at the World Cup. But now, thanks to that forty-five minute drive, I get to complain about ESPN instead, which is even better.

You see, listening to the game on ESPNRadio apparently means listen to the game streaming over the internet via ESPNRadio, NOT listen to the game on your local ESPNRadio affiliate. No sir. In case you did not know, the Lakers won the NBA Championship last night, and our local ESPNRadio affiliate here in Los Angeles also happens to be the home station of Los Angeles Lakers basketball. So what was on ESPNRadio here in Los Angeles this morning? "Twenty-four hours of Lakers' championship coverage." That right there is their words, not mine. So, while most of you [Editor's Note: if you have been fastidiously avoiding all mention of the final results of the US/Slovenia game, please skip to the next paragraph] were enjoying the United States' dramatic comeback/subsequent referee hose job (when is a win a draw? well, apparently we learned that today), I was frantically surfing the radio searching for at least some score updates. Thankfully, my boy Dan Patrick came through, like he always does, with "World Cup-dates" after every commercial break. As if I was not over ESPN enough already, maybe next time they will make sure all their affiliates are on board or be a little more specific as what "listen to the game on ESPNRadio" means. (Side note: and, as if I needed one more reason to hate 710ESPN here in Los Angeles . . . I don't even think die-hard Lakers fans want 24 hours of coverage).

Welcome back to those of you who skipped ahead to avoid learning the results of the game. Even with all that venting, I am still a little fired up. So, in order to avoid possibly saying something that will get me in trouble, I am just going to dive into the stuff you came to see:

• Erin Pageviews is ready to play the field. What a . . . err . . . nevermind. [Editor's Note: SUCK IT, ESPN! . . . yup, still bitter.]
• FIFA is, perhaps, the only organization in the world that would be angry about a group of thirty hot, Dutch blonds showing up at their event.
• Speaking of hot blonds associated with the World Cup, my money is on Clancy . . . but you knew this already.
  
• "Because nothing says good old fashioned Christianity than beating a loved one to death over a remote control."
• BleacherReport, a GameTime, TBD© favorite, has really gone the extra mile this time: Comparing Tiger Woods' Mistresses to His Rivals.
• Gentlemen, listen closely: compassion and cash go a long way with women and groupies. Who knew?
• Instrument of torture? Utah executes a guy by firing squad and you want to call the vuvuzela an instrument of torture?
• "Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill."
• I smell Lifetime original movie.
• A lot has been going in the NFL . . . the what? . . . over the past few weeks. I will let Deadspin summarize it all for you.
• So let me get this straight, the whole team was suspended and then two players were suspended on top of that? Suspended from what at that point?
• "Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend . . ."

Man, I know that last one is not really sports related, but still . . . damn. Also, anything that gives me the opportunity to throw in an Old School reference is deserving of a spot in the Link Dump. Speaking of deserving of a spot, here are some videos that fit that description quite nicely:

• Admit it, after four weeks, your Fridays are not bearable until you have had the chance to watch this.
• Speaking of great, entertaining music videos, OK Go made another one.
• Ron Artest is crazy. If you could possibly need any more proof of this, check out Ron-Ron's post-game interview from last night.
• I am going to say this is fifty percent real, fifty percent fake, and one hundred percent awesome.
• Oh Jimmy, I love when you [censored] the FCC.
• Your "Marisa Miller Link of the Week" comes courtesy of a banned Guitar Hero commercial. [Editor's Note: insert "Marisa Miller can bang my drum any day of the week" joke here . . . wait, what?]

Have a great weekend everyone!

Better Late Than Never

Well, we finally got settled into our new digs and they look . . . well . . . exactly like the old ones, only, there is a lot more noise because more people are around. Hmm; I miss the island of solitude our old office provided. Can someone please remind me why we did this? Oh, right, because it was "strongly recommended" by the boss. Nevermind.

If the NHL wanted to gain some fans, they should have done whatever it took to broadcast last night's Los Angeles Kings versus Pittsburgh Penguins match up. It was one of the best hockey games I have ever seen. I was there with 18,116 of my closest friends (what can I say, I'm huge on Facebook) and Dad (I can neither confirm nor deny the truth a wager was made in which I bet one of my kidneys against whether Dad would be paying for playoff hockey tickets this season . . . don't let me down boys, I'm kinda attached to Larry and Ralph). The game featured goals on both of the teams first shots of the game, solid two-way action for the first two periods, and a third period in which the Kings absolutely took it to the defending Stanley Cup champions in a 5-2 rout. The Penguins, like several other teams (including Detroit, Philadelphia, New York, and Montreal), have a large contingency of fans no matter where they play. Not since the 2000-2001 season have I heard Kings fans drown out visiting fans like they did last night. It was the way Staples Center should be for every home game (is there an echo in here?)

Last night was not the first time I was reminded of the 2000-2001 time frame this week. I am sure you all have heard by now that the twenty-fifth ranked Orangemen of Syracuse lost to the mighty Division II Dolphins of Le Moyne on Tuesday in a college basketball exhibition game. You might not have heard, however, that UCLA tried desperately to match Syracuse's feat against NAIA "powerhouse" Concordia on Wednesday but eeked out a win in the final seconds. Well, I generally do not put too much stock into exhibition games . . . except when they occur during the 2000-2001 season and, through the transitive property of victories, result in my Occidental Tigers being crowned the National Champions of Division I basketball. In early November 2000, the gritty Tigers traveled up the I-5 to face off against Division I opponent Cal State University at Northridge (the Matadors) on their home court (the Matadome . . . yup, you read that correctly). Well, Oxy squeaked out a close victory that triggered a chain of events the likes of which have never been seen. On November 21, 2000, the Matadors traveled to UCLA and defeated the then-fifteenth ranked Bruins, 78-74. On February 3, 2001, UCLA swung by Maples Pavilion and knocked off the top-ranked Cardinal of Stanford, 79-73 (ah, Steve Lavin, your coaching never ceased to amaze me), who, on December 21, 2000, had defeated the number one ranked Duke Blue Devils, 84-83. This story, of course, would not have a point unless those Blue Devils (Duke SUCKS) had not gone and beat Arizona 82-72 on April 2, 2001 to win the Division I National Championship. So, you see, Oxy beat CSUN, who beat UCLA, who beat Stanford, who beat Duke, who won the National Championship. And that, my friends, is how the Occidental Tigers became the 2000-2001 NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Champions. I think we should hang a banner.

Did I lose you there? I would not be surprised. If someone had told me that story I probably would have followed it up with my traditional response: "Cool story Hansel." If you know me, you know that is not usually a good thing. Anyways, I am sure you all loved it and have totally bought into my "transitive property of victories" theory. If you have not, kindly show yourself the door. If you have, here are some other things you might find interesting:

• Up for a challenge (and some chicks)? Try your hand at this cheerleader uniform quiz.
• Speaking of uniforms, this list is supposedly the "12 Hottest Female Sports Uniforms". However, boobs and/or nudity did not make the list, thus throwing all credibility out the window.
• Speedskating just got a whole lot more popular, satirical.
• What do you get when you place a large group of professional athletes in a city for one whole week? Answer.
• Can you imagine a world in which Gus Johnson is replaced by Dick Vitale? Welcome to your new reality.
• Dear UCF, Please find enclosed a check for $3 million. Xoxo, Michael Jordan. P.S. Sorry about my son.
  
• Aw, nobody wants to play with them.
• Sing it with me: I was gonna win the Cy Young, but then I got high.

One thing I appreciate on The Dan Patrick Show is when DP takes the time give shout outs to all the new stations that have started carrying his show. I think that is a classy move. So I decided we are going to start giving shout outs to our new dedicated fans. This week's shout outs go to BF, Q, and Cow who, after being featured in last week's Link Dump, have all become loyal GameTime, TBD© readers. Welcome aboard ladies. For you, and the rest of my dedicated readers out there, here are some clips for your viewing pleasure:

• Now that is how you earn your indefinite suspension.
• Reebok attempts to sell women's shoes by marketing to men. I am listening . . .
• Bruce Lee even plays ping pong like a bad @$$.
• Oh Magic 8 Ball, do not fail me now.
• This has to be a joke, right?
• Matti Hoyla (who?) exits the ice in style.
• I can not say I am surprised he is playing in a semi-pro league after that play.
• With the Winter Olympics less than one hundred days away, this video has started making the rounds. Certainly gets me fired up.

Have a great weekend everyone!

And Just Like That . . .

[Editor's Note: When I was Editor-in-Chief of the Loyola of Los Angeles Entertainment Law Review, I used to mock people who started things with a block quote . . . actually, a quote of any kind, I don't discriminate. So, I decided to use this handy Editor's Note to keep from having to mock myself. That's right, this comment adds nothing of substance to this post. Totally just wasted your time. You can thank me later. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.]

Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. . . [edited for content and length; this is, after all, a family-friendly environment] . . . He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in. He kills people that owe them money. And like that, *poof*, he's gone.

This time of year always reminds me of that classic monologue from The Usual Suspects. With the end of the NCAA tournament, comes the end of the greatest four-to-five month stretch of sports. Just. Like. That. Now, if, like me, you love golf, you still have The Masters to prolong the end of this rush, if for only a week. And, yes, if the Kings were not still rebuilding we would have at least a few more weeks of hockey to look forward to, instead of three days. But let us face the facts, for most mainstream sports fans, with North Carolina cutting down those nets on Monday night came the start of a long summer. Yes, I realize "America's Pastime" is only just beginning its season, but there are one hundred and sixty-two games in a baseball season, which means I have about ninety games to go before it starts to get even remotely interesting. I even joined a Fantasy Baseball league to see if that would help me enjoy the game more. You know what I learned? I am turrible at Fantasy Baseball. In fact, you might call me the Detroit Lions of Fantasy Baseball.

So, as the "dog days" of summer slowly creep closer and closer, I am sure more than a few of you are asking "How am I going survive?" Well, my dear friends, you have come to the right place yet again. This is exactly the reason why I first created GameTime, TBD©. For the more avid readers, you may recall a few weeks back we hinted at some new things to come over here in our little corner of this whole world wide web thing. So for those avid readers who have been waiting on pin and needles to know more, and for those of you who have stumbled upon GameTime, TBD© for the first time, here are some things you have to look forward to help you get through those warm summer days (or, for all of our southern hemisphere fans, those cold winter days):

• The Obvious: with hockey season coming to an end, you can expect the masterpiece that is The Chief's end-of-season review. He claims it is going to be epic . . . no, wait . . . EPIC! He will also, of course, recap what is inevitably going to be a debacle of an NFL draft for the Detroit Lions.
• The Not-So-Obvious: A wise man once said, "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal outright." So, we have decided to steal an idea from the "classic" Dodgeball. You see, there is nothing The Chief loves more than picking a random topic and researching it (that is hyperbole of course). As such, GameTime, TBD© is introducing an "Obscure Sports" segment. Every few weeks (read: whenever The Chief feels like researching a new topic), we will post about a sport that you may have heard of but actually know nothing about (cricket, the biathlon, lawn bowling, etc.), or may not have heard of at all (anybody down for a spirited game of bozkashi?), all for your entertainment. If you have a sport you think is worthy, do not be afraid to drop us a line.
  
• The Sexy: we have been told that increasing viewership is as simple as typing the letters E-R-I-N A-N-D-R-E-W-S. While simply drooling over Erin Andrews would make us just like every other sports blog (though clearly still more fantastically-awesome), it might not hurt to have a little extra "T&A" around these parts. Once, while my Better Half and some of her friends were trying to sell tickets to a Glee Club concert at our alma mater, I mentioned it would probably be easier if they just dressed a little more seductively and started making out because . . . you know this . . . sex sells. Although they did not follow my advice (at least for the purpose of selling tickets), maybe it is about time I do. So, while we vow to keep this dog and pony show classy, it is time we send for some reinforcements. Ever wonder who the final three ladies are in The Chief's "Celebrity 5" list? You will soon find out. And, yes, Erin Andrews name just might find its way into a few more posts.
• The New Folks: my Better Half's debut was very well received around these parts and, while she has promised to provide her insights again, that got us thinking . . . more guest correspondents. The Chief has a lot of friends who are (1) well educated, (b) well informed, and, most importantly, (iii) very sarcastic (that's usually what he looks for in people). He is currently in the process of extending invitations to those people he feels might enjoy the opportunity to speak their mind on topics consistent with the tone of GameTime, TBD©.
• The Scoop: thus far, GameTime, TBD© is one-for-one in its quest to break new and exciting sports news. While batting 1.000 is nice, and some might want to just go out on top (that's what she said . . . ba-ZING!), that is not our style. We will continue our quest to the first on the scene, before the news hits.
• The Usual: Rest assured that, just because it is the summer, athletes will not stop doing stupid things. We also know that Fridays during the summer are some of the hardest days to get through. So our weekly Link Dump will still be going strong, week in and week out.

We are really excited about where things are headed. As always, we thank our avid readers for their continued support. If you are new here, and like what you see, feel free to stick around. The door is always open.

Oh, and just for the record . . . Erin Andrews.

This Just In . . .

. . . to GameTime, TBD©. We do not know how many of you are listeners of The Dan Patrick Show (broadcast in the Los Angeles area on AM570), but today DP let slip that a big announcement is forthcoming tomorrow (Friday, March 13th) regarding his show.

Sources close to The Chief of GameTime, TBD© have confirmed that in a little over six hours (9:00 a.m. EST, 6:00 a.m PST), USA Today and DP will announce that an exclusive agreement has been reached between The Dan Patrick Show and DirecTV to broadcast the show on DirecTV's original content channel, Channel 101, more commonly referred to as "The 101 Network".  While final details of the agreement could not be officially confirmed, it is believed that a studio is currently being prepared for the production of The Dan Patrick Show near DirecTV's El Segundo, California headquarters, where most of DirecTV's original content is produced.  All signs point to DP heading West, where he belongs.  We do not know if "Chris in Syracuse" or the other follicles are current customers of DirecTV, but we are guessing they soon will be (that's assuming that CIS recovers from the marathon that was tonight's 6-OT Syracuse/Connecticut game sometime soon).

Stay tuned to GameTime, TBD©, The Dan Patrick Show, and USA Today as the remaining details of this exciting news are announced (and for recommendations on where DP and crew can carry on the "Beer and Wings" post-game celebration tradition . . . Stick and Stein anyone?)

Some Things Never Change

This just in: the University of Southern California is playing THE Ohio State University tomorrow. Oh? You knew that already? Weird.

[Editor's Note: before I proceed, I should probably go ahead and remind everyone that, well, I hate USC, and I'm not that big of fan of ESPN either.]

There are some things in this world that will never change: the sky is always blue; the air conditioning in my office is always too cold, even for me; plaintiffs attorneys and defense attorneys will never get along; doctors and teachers on television will always be hotter than real doctors and teachers; and secretary sprawl syndrome will always negatively impact the life of many promising young women, just to name a few. So, a big college football match-up right around the corner, set for primetime on ABC, can only mean one thing: an ESPN media assault the likes of which have not been seen since the allied forces invaded Normandy. Ha, who am I kidding. It was only a month ago that ESPN became the Brett Favre channel; all Brett Favre, all the time. They attached Rachel Nichols to his hip: "Let's go to Rachel Nichols with a Brett Favre update." "Thanks John. I am here in Mississippi and I can confirm to you that Brett Favre just went to the bathroom. He finished his morning coffee about two hours ago, so he is right on schedule." Now that was insightful (side bar: turns out that Green Bay president Mark Murphy is not a big fan of ESPN management. So, throughout the whole Favre drama, he leaked false information to ESPN and told other media outlets the truth. While John Clayton and Chris Mortensen were reporting on the "latest developments", other outlets were reporting that Favre had been traded to the Jets; ESPN was the last to report the biggest story of the summer. Classic, but I digress).

It really was not a surprise to me, then, that the headline on ESPN.com for a great majority of the week was somehow related to the USC/OSU game (oh no, Beanie Wells is a game time decision . . . everybody panic), or that SportsCenter spent half it shows breaking down how the teams match-up by position (also highlighted in the match-up were the direction in which the grass at USC grows vs. the grass at OSU and the type of chalk the schools use to paint the field . . . okay, I made those two up, but would you have been surprised?). Throw in Tom Brady's knee injury and I think SportsCenter showed about three minutes of actual highlights . . . total . . . all week. Now, I do not have plans to watch much, if any of the game, but I am rooting for a blowout. With the amount of money the network has invested in this game, a blowout will ensure that by the second quarter the only people watching the game are in Columbus and Los Angeles, and, by the third quarter, only one of those cities will be left.

Since ESPN will never change how it covers sports (90% of its coverage dedicated to three or four topics), I encourage you to look elsewhere for your sports information. And since GameTime, TBD© will never change in its goal to help get you through your Friday afternoon, here are some things you might have missed (or did miss if you were watching ESPN):

• Here is the breakdown of the USC/OSU game that ESPN did not want you to see.
• Back in 2006, a store out here in Los Angeles offered free furniture if UCLA beat USC; and they did. This is almost as funny.
• Looking for some weekend entertainment in the Phoenix area? Unfortunately, it is time to cross "female applesauce wrestling" off your list options.
• Avid reader Nosh inquires: do you think this guy plays any sports? I have 23,000 reasons to think probably not.
• The headline says it all: The Most Valuable Player in Sport is . . . this Doctor.
• Romosexuals of the world rejoice, Tony is your Good Samaritan of the week.
• It is good to see that Terrell Owens has moved on from his issues with Philadelphia and Donovan McNabb.
• Chad not-so-Ocho Cinco.
• I am just going to throw out a random dollar value: $382.47. Hey, I think I could write for CNBC Sports.
• All good things (myself included) were created in England. So much for America's pastime.
• With Michael Phelps set to host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, here is a look at the 10 best performances by an athlete hosting SNL. [Bonus: with videos, and we're not even in the video section yet. Who loves you, baby?]
• Actual quote: "I heard that on the day of Bolt's 100 metres, no one here was killed. Even murder took a holiday for him." Is there anything the Olympics can not do?

The athletes who have hosted SNL are not the only athletes to show off the other talents they possess. For your weekly viewing enjoyment, we take a look at those other athletes of have sought different avenues to express themselves; some good, some not so good:

• Nobody puts Papelbon in a corner.
• My friends and I like joke that Greg Oden is actually the lead singer of a 50's Motown group Greg & The O'Dens (shoo bee do bee do wah, waHHHHHH).
• This Russian decided to mix his two talents, drinking vodka and high jumping, together. [Editor's Note: there are two different links there, each a different angle of the jump.]
• Okay, this video might not be an athlete showing off another talent, but Christopher Walken was "on" the Dan Patrick Show this morning, and he reminded me of my favorite music video of all time.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[Update: It turns out that Le Anne Schreiber feels the same way about ESPN as I do . . . and she works for them!]

Oops . . . My Bad

I may need to start hiring myself a staff, like a research assistant or something. When I was editor-in-chief of law review, I had a full staff under my control. I should have started this blog back then and made all of them do the dirty work. Unfortunately, I run this site for free, no revenue, so I think "hiring" someone might be a little difficult. Any volunteers?

You might be asking yourself why I am talking crazy all-of-the-sudden; allow me to explain. As you all know, I like to end my weekly Link Dump with funny videos. I like to think these videos help you get through your Friday afternoon with some good laughs and a smile. Some are disturbing, some ridiculously funny, and many make fun of people hurting themselves (like when skateboards fight back).

A few weeks ago, I was going to post a video that showed a cricket player taking a ball to the face while practicing the "hook shot" with a "bowling machine" (actual cricket terms . . . seriously). And because I am incredibly witty and humorous, I was going to post it under the tag line "Practice makes ouch" (you see it's like practice makes perfect only I replaced perfect with ouch . . . cause the guy gets hurt . . . get it? It's funny). Since your curiosity is now piqued, I guess I should let you watch the video. Why should I feel bad for that you ask? Well, it turns out that the video is of an accomplished professional cricket player from England named David Fulton. Apparently the injury he suffered was so severe that he missed the first eight weeks of the 2003 season and, when he stepped down from his captaincy in 2006, he admitted that the injury was still causing him problems. I would have felt pretty bad for making light of that.

With all that being said, I must be the bearer of bad news. There will be no official Link Dump this week. I am heading out town this afternoon for a fun and relaxing weekend in Tahoe with a large group of friends (commonly referred to as "Bachelor Party" . . . or so I hear). Since I will be on the golf course for most of tomorrow morning and early-afternoon, I will not have the time to get you the information you need to get through the afternoon. I sincerely apologize. But rest assured, my dear readers, I am not going to leave you empty handed. Here are a couple videos for your viewing enjoyment, a day early:

• What do you get when you mix John Daly, Kid Rock in overalls, and a tallboy? Exactly what you would expect.
  

I have taken the liberty of embedding the next video so you do not have to go to another window. Before you dive in, be warned that it does contain some "adult" language. So if you are at work, be careful (read: close your door). But I promise you, it is worth it.



Have a great weekend everyone!

Coffee with Kurt

I am, admittedly, not the biggest fan of the NBA. When it comes to basketball, I prefer the college ranks to the pros. Having followed the ramblings here at GameTime, TBD©, I know that is not hard for most of you to believe. But living in the greater Los Angeles area, and with the NBA Finals set to tip off tonight with the Lakers at the Boston Celtics, it is hard not to get swept up in all the hoopla surrounding the team.

While I wish it was the Los Angeles Kings that had hoisted the Stanley Cup last night, it is exciting anytime your city gets the opportunity to win a championship of any sport. I enjoy the way such an event seems to really bring an entire area together, if only for a few weeks. Will I watch the Finals? Yes. Will I buy one of those Lakers window flags? Hell no! (seriously, those are the most annoying things ever. Do you really need one? for your rear windows? for all four windows? Ugh, I get annoyed just thinking about them . . . but I digress.) But here is the funny thing, I have actually been rooting for the Lakers over the last three to four months more than I ever have, and it is not just because they are winning (as evidenced by my undying support of the Kings, I clearly don't often root for the front runners).

You see, on most week days for the past three to four months I have had the opportunity to share coffee with former-Laker "great" and current-assistant-coach Kurt Rambis. Well, share might be a bit of an overstatement; we go to the same Starbucks at the same time. The first few times I noticed him (a 6' 8" white guy kinda sticks out in a crowd), I was kind of star struck. When I was younger, and a bigger fan of The League than I am today, Rambis was one of my favorites. He was not the most talented player, but he worked hard night-in and night-out, epitomized team play, and I respected that. Plus, I loved the 80's porn mustache [editor's note to Jeff Kent: grow it back buddy, it's about the only thing you had going for you] and the black thick-rimmed glasses; what a combo.

So one morning, after a Lakers' victory the previous night, I finally got the courage to talk to Kurt (yeah, we're on a first name basis). I simply introduced myself and said that I wanted to congratulate him on a nice victory. Here was the great thing, he did not just say thanks or shrug me off. Instead, he responded with something to the effect of "Well, it was nice to get the win, but there are certainly some things we have to work on." Then, he proceeded to talk with me for about five minutes about the Lakers' inability to close out on the outside shooter on defense and their problems with slashing point guards. He talked about how their offense was good enough to overcome these deficiencies on most nights, but that it was something they definitely needed to address to be successful come playoff time. Needless to say, it was one of the best sports experiences I have had recently.

Since that time, I have had several other conversations with Kurt while he waits for his lattes. He is always willing to share some insights into the game and the team which has allowed me to enjoy the NBA more than I used to. He also always gets two lattes. I keep meaning to ask him: is that for the Mrs. or does Phil make you get him a coffee every morning? I think it is best that I just let that one go for now (until we're actually on a first name basis). Instead, I will just sit here and wonder what will happen once the season is over. Will he still need coffee at 8:15 a.m.? I hope so.

Albom may have had his Tuesdays with Morrie, but I get my coffee with Kurt. Now, when do I get my dinner and drinks with Dan (Patrick that is)?

Oh Happy Day!

When you are sick, which I have been for the last five days (and, therefore, my humor might be a little off), you look for ways to feel better. Having an amazing Better Half usually helps, especially when they are willing to (1) dote on you all day long, (b) go get you copious amounts of medicine, and (iii) turn the other cheek when you make a bonehead remark because your brain has lost its ability to filter things. My Better Half definitely helps me feel better when I am sick (and hopefully I do the same for her . . . though, let's be honest, I likely make things worse and that's why she's the Better Half). But here is the thing, during the week my Better Half cannot be there for me 24/7. After all, she has a job and I have job and our jobs do not involve us working at the same location.

Believe you me, there are few things in this world worse than being stuck in an office, staring at a computer screen, while you hack up your left lung (only because you spent all weekend hacking up your right lung). Dreading the thought of spending an entire day in the office today with nothing to keep me preoccupied (and hacking up whatever body part comes after my lungs), I first had to stop by the doctor's office to get a much needed prescription for legal drugs. While on my way to the good doc's office, I listened to The Dan Patrick Show, as I have done every morning since it returned last October (a post regarding my unnatural man crush on Dan Patrick is forthcoming). When I tuned into the show, Dan happened to be interviewing a woman and, well, I was confused. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Dan interviewing a woman; there are many female athletes, coaches, and reporters worthy of being interviewed. My first thought was that it was the Rutgers University women's basketball coach talking about how her team got hosed last night. But it was not. Oh, no, it was someone much more important than that . . . Marisa Miller (I'll admit, her interview voice is MUCH different than her bedroom voice so I didn't recognize her at first . . . but I digress).

I had asked my Mother to get me a new subscription to Sports Illustrated for Christmas because Mr. Patrick had announced that he would begin writing for them after the Super Bowl. Because it had been a few years since I last had a subscription to SI, I totally forgot about the added yearly bonus of the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue (do I have to forfeit my man card now?). Well, apparently the 2008 Swimsuit Issue "drops" today (holler) and Ms. Miller is the cover girl (which can be seen here . . . yowzers). While I am fairly certain it would be inappropriate for me to peruse SI's swimsuit website while at work, that does not have to stop me from doing a little research about the history of the issue (and its transition into soft-core porn . . . seriously, is that even a swimsuit on the cover? . . . I think David Letterman said it best when he asked Ms. Miller: "How would that suit hold up in choppy surf?" Short answer: not well).

Well, Sports Illustrated first published a Swimsuit Issue in 1964, featuring a bikini-clad Babette March (Babette March? It's almost too good to be true . . . I can't even make this stuff up). The Swimsuit Issue is widely credited as the publication that helped make the bikini (which had been "invented" in 1946 and had yet to catch on) a legitimate piece of apparel. The 2008 issue marks the seventh appearance by Ms. Miller, but only her first cover. Who has the most covers you ask? Why, it is Elle MacPherson. Nicknamed "The Body" (she stands at 6' 0" tall and is rumored to run a 4.7 forty . . . scouts at the NFL combine are drooling over her "talent"), MacPherson has appeared on five covers, spanning twenty years. She is often referred to as the greatest SI swimsuit model of all time. But I would disagree . . . and, surprisingly, so would my Better Half (she's a HUGE Heidi Klum fan).

While the Swimsuit Issue has grown more scandalous over the years (it has even led some to believe, myself included, that the bikini is now comprised of only the lower half of the bathing suit), it continues to garner complaints from customers and conservatives. You will, however, hear no such complaints coming from my home. You see, my Better Half gets home from work before I do and always gets the mail. This means she will have first crack at the Swimsuit Issue. And while you may be thinking that by "first crack" I mean "throw it away," that is not the case; no sir. Rather, I mean she gets the first chance to peruse the issue. By the time I get home, she will be ready to provide me with a comprehensive review of not only the actual swimsuits (cause, you know, guys check out the issue for the swimsuits . . . and read Playboy for the articles), but her "likes" and "dislikes" of each model. You read that right; I will be "forced" to listen to my incredibly beautiful Better Half explain why she thinks one swimsuit model is more attractive than another swimsuit model (Lord, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but please let me know so I can keep doing it). Believe you me (wow, twice in one post), there are few things in this world more sexy than a woman who is so confident in her own beauty that she is willing to discuss other beautiful women [so ladies, what have we learned in the last week? First, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive); and second, having enough confidence in yourself to talk about other attractive women with your significant other is uber sexy . . . write that down . . . you know, I think I really am changing the world here].

So for now, I am stuck here in my office hacking up my liver. As it turns out, it is not a lot of fun. But at least I have something to look forward to while I do it.