Full On Double Awesome All The Way

[Editor's Note: if you don't get the title, you don't remember some of the best stuff this site has provided you. You should be ashamed of yourself. But, because I'm a nice guy, here it is again.]

There is nothing quite like the Friday before a holiday weekend. For all we know, our avid readers could have decided to skip town early. Why have a three-day weekend when you could make it four? Regardless, we do not do this just for our avid readers. We created GameTime, TBD© to make the world [wide web] a better place, one post at a time.

Not to brag, but I can not even begin to tell you how awesome this weekend is going to be . . . but do not think that will stop me from trying. So awesome is this weekend going to be, I think it deserves a name. Henceforth, Labor Day weekend 2010 shall be known as the "Weekend of Awesomeness". [Editor's Note: Wow, someone drank the creative juice this morning.] When bestowing on something a nickname as awesome as "Weekend of Awesomeness", some explanation is necessary. Allow me.

The first, and perhaps most obvious, reason this weekend is going to rock: the return of college football. For all intents and purposes, my Better Half has the next fourteen Saturdays all to herself. Thankfully, she will choose to spend some of those Saturdays with me, and not bankrupting our family on an entirely new wardrobe and hanging out with her best girlfriends, but for the most part I will be spending my Saturdays (1) glued to the couch, (b) at the Rose Bowl, or (iii) both (1) and (b) between now and the first week of December. Try as she might to convince me to do something else [Editor's Note: oh, she has her ways . . .], I need only point to section II, paragraph 4, sub-paragraph (G)(ii), clause 5 of our only slightly technical prenuptial agreement, which I am confident she read as thoroughly as our Congress reads legislation before voting on it, that states: "the Better Half hereby agrees that, beginning with the first week of college football season and lasting until the later of (1) UCLA's last game or (2) the National Championship game, the Chief shall be excused from performing any and all marital duties on each and every Saturday during the above defined period and any and all necessary travel days to accommodate UCLA's football schedule . . . ." It, of course, goes on to list the penalties for violation of this provision, but there is no need for bedroom talk here. [Editor's Note: If only Frank McCourt had asked me to draft his Marital Property Agreement . . . but I digress . . .] So if you need to reach me on a Saturday over the next four months, you should probably just try to get in touch with my Better Half instead.

The return of college football, while enough to make this a "Weekend of Awesomeness", is not the sole reason we are amped for this weekend. In fact, I will be taking my UCLA watching on the road to Chicago, to hang out with my Better Half and BFF. If you have been to Chicago, no further explanation is necessary. If you have not, well, sucks to be you. We are taking the red-eye out tonight and will be spending the weekend hanging with the BFF, her boyfriend, and her adorable baby girl. Throw in rubbing elbows with some professional athletes [Editor's Note: MLS players are considered professional athletes, right?], staying with Agman and his wife, and fulfilling one of my life-long dreams of finally getting two chicks in bed at the same time to see a baseball game at historic Wrigley Field, and you can see just why Labor Weekend 2010 is the official "Weekend of Awesomeness".

Regardless of how awesome my weekend is going to be (did I mention it's going to be awesome?), we still have to get through the rest of this Friday together. So while I go make sure I have all my travel documents ready, here are some things you might have missed to help you pass the time:

• This is not the first time Rachel Uchitel has been black-balled in the past year. [Editor's Note: Hey-OH!]
• It is good to see that the Nitty Lion mascot is already in mid-season form.
• Instead of the normal cupcake opponent that many major schools schedule for the first week of the season, LSU gets UNC's second team.
• If you are attending the Colorado-Colorado State football this weekend, make sure you leave the sizzurp outside.
• This kid's dreams of earning a Division I football scholarship end on account of being an adult.
• I feel like a 2.5 karat diamond would stick out on a football field, no?
• No, no Terry, tell us how you really feel.
• Did not respond to the lawsuit? I would have thought its lawyers knew "truth" is a defense to a libel claim.
• Gary Bettman wants players to stop accepting those ridiculous deals being offered by his GMs and owners. Cause, you know, it is the players' fault.
• "Well I can think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo, live or stuffed; preferably stuffed for safety sake. And three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge [and throw in a 25-acre fire.]"
• Here is a story for all you golfers to remember the next time you "forget" about that ball you hit out of bounds.
• Kid Rock is still alive? AND singing?
• When people have too much time on their hands, *stuff* gets weird.

Still with us or totally jealous of how awesome our weekend is going to be? Look, it is only natural. We do not blame you. So, to help ease the pain, here are some videos to help you get throw those last minutes of your pre-holiday-weekend Friday:

• One good Billy Madison reference deserves another.
• We are suckers for any sort of trick-shot compilation. This week? Super Cool Bowling Awesome.
• A lot of people felt the need to get punchy this week [Editor's Note: we can neither confirm nor deny they heard about the "Weekend of Awesomeness" immediately prior to the events you are about to see]: (1) finally, an MLB fight that does not suck (Gaby Sanchez, for the win); (b) mullet-wearing fan of "the U" believes he can fly (Spoiler Alert: he can't); and (iii) New York tool versus the rest of the U.S. Open crowd (who you got?).
• Sean Penn goes between two ferns.
• Is Roger Federrer the new Peyton Manning of commercials? [Editor's Note: Don't you dare talk about my man crush like that; Roger Federrer will never match this, this, or this, just to name a few.]
• Epic. Football. Fail.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Some Things Never Change

This just in: the University of Southern California is playing THE Ohio State University tomorrow. Oh? You knew that already? Weird.

[Editor's Note: before I proceed, I should probably go ahead and remind everyone that, well, I hate USC, and I'm not that big of fan of ESPN either.]

There are some things in this world that will never change: the sky is always blue; the air conditioning in my office is always too cold, even for me; plaintiffs attorneys and defense attorneys will never get along; doctors and teachers on television will always be hotter than real doctors and teachers; and secretary sprawl syndrome will always negatively impact the life of many promising young women, just to name a few. So, a big college football match-up right around the corner, set for primetime on ABC, can only mean one thing: an ESPN media assault the likes of which have not been seen since the allied forces invaded Normandy. Ha, who am I kidding. It was only a month ago that ESPN became the Brett Favre channel; all Brett Favre, all the time. They attached Rachel Nichols to his hip: "Let's go to Rachel Nichols with a Brett Favre update." "Thanks John. I am here in Mississippi and I can confirm to you that Brett Favre just went to the bathroom. He finished his morning coffee about two hours ago, so he is right on schedule." Now that was insightful (side bar: turns out that Green Bay president Mark Murphy is not a big fan of ESPN management. So, throughout the whole Favre drama, he leaked false information to ESPN and told other media outlets the truth. While John Clayton and Chris Mortensen were reporting on the "latest developments", other outlets were reporting that Favre had been traded to the Jets; ESPN was the last to report the biggest story of the summer. Classic, but I digress).

It really was not a surprise to me, then, that the headline on ESPN.com for a great majority of the week was somehow related to the USC/OSU game (oh no, Beanie Wells is a game time decision . . . everybody panic), or that SportsCenter spent half it shows breaking down how the teams match-up by position (also highlighted in the match-up were the direction in which the grass at USC grows vs. the grass at OSU and the type of chalk the schools use to paint the field . . . okay, I made those two up, but would you have been surprised?). Throw in Tom Brady's knee injury and I think SportsCenter showed about three minutes of actual highlights . . . total . . . all week. Now, I do not have plans to watch much, if any of the game, but I am rooting for a blowout. With the amount of money the network has invested in this game, a blowout will ensure that by the second quarter the only people watching the game are in Columbus and Los Angeles, and, by the third quarter, only one of those cities will be left.

Since ESPN will never change how it covers sports (90% of its coverage dedicated to three or four topics), I encourage you to look elsewhere for your sports information. And since GameTime, TBD© will never change in its goal to help get you through your Friday afternoon, here are some things you might have missed (or did miss if you were watching ESPN):

• Here is the breakdown of the USC/OSU game that ESPN did not want you to see.
• Back in 2006, a store out here in Los Angeles offered free furniture if UCLA beat USC; and they did. This is almost as funny.
• Looking for some weekend entertainment in the Phoenix area? Unfortunately, it is time to cross "female applesauce wrestling" off your list options.
• Avid reader Nosh inquires: do you think this guy plays any sports? I have 23,000 reasons to think probably not.
• The headline says it all: The Most Valuable Player in Sport is . . . this Doctor.
• Romosexuals of the world rejoice, Tony is your Good Samaritan of the week.
• It is good to see that Terrell Owens has moved on from his issues with Philadelphia and Donovan McNabb.
• Chad not-so-Ocho Cinco.
• I am just going to throw out a random dollar value: $382.47. Hey, I think I could write for CNBC Sports.
• All good things (myself included) were created in England. So much for America's pastime.
• With Michael Phelps set to host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, here is a look at the 10 best performances by an athlete hosting SNL. [Bonus: with videos, and we're not even in the video section yet. Who loves you, baby?]
• Actual quote: "I heard that on the day of Bolt's 100 metres, no one here was killed. Even murder took a holiday for him." Is there anything the Olympics can not do?

The athletes who have hosted SNL are not the only athletes to show off the other talents they possess. For your weekly viewing enjoyment, we take a look at those other athletes of have sought different avenues to express themselves; some good, some not so good:

• Nobody puts Papelbon in a corner.
• My friends and I like joke that Greg Oden is actually the lead singer of a 50's Motown group Greg & The O'Dens (shoo bee do bee do wah, waHHHHHH).
• This Russian decided to mix his two talents, drinking vodka and high jumping, together. [Editor's Note: there are two different links there, each a different angle of the jump.]
• Okay, this video might not be an athlete showing off another talent, but Christopher Walken was "on" the Dan Patrick Show this morning, and he reminded me of my favorite music video of all time.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[Update: It turns out that Le Anne Schreiber feels the same way about ESPN as I do . . . and she works for them!]

Back in the Saddle

Check . . . check . . . check 1. Sibilance . . . sibilance. Check . . . check . . . check 2. Sibilance . . . sibilance. Okay, good. It looks like we have everything back up and running. It is good to be back in the saddle of GameTime, TBD©. I apologize that I had to go dark for such an extended period of time.

I was finally able to make an honest woman out of my Better Half and what does she do? That is right, she "forces" me to go off and spend two weeks with her in French Polynesia (Tahiti, Moorea, and Huahine). Oh, the humanity. I do not know how I survived two weeks of lounging around in the sun with a beautiful woman, drinking beer, without a care in the world. Oh, and my wife was there too (sorry for the obvious joke, I'm a little rusty). French Polynesia is truly a beautiful place; we did not want to leave. Take my advice, if you are planning a vacation and want to go someplace tropical, you can not go wrong with the Society Islands.

So after two great weeks, I was relaxed and in a good place physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I was ready to get back to my responsibilities to you, the avid GameTime, TBD© reader. Well, unfortunately it only took work about .01 seconds to knock those good vibes right out of me, a feeling I know to which Milorad Cavic can totally relate. I never realized how much work can pile up on a desk in two weeks. And while I still have a few piles to get to, I was not going to let work keep me from finally getting back to something I love so much: GameTime, TBD© and its weekly link dump. Sure, I might have taken a little detour to the UCLA-Tennessee game; had a chance encounter with my hero, Dan Patrick (I haven't washed my right hand since Monday); sat through two fantasy football drafts; and made a few wagers on college foo . . . err . . . I mean . . . found a source of supplemental income, but here I am, back in the saddle and ready to let you know about some of the things you might have missed over the past week:

[Disclaimer: with the start of college football and the NFL, all of this week's links are related to football, and I'm not talking about that strange style of football they play in Europe.]

• In preparing for the Detroit Lions' season, I discovered that things might be looking up . . .
• . . . but then I remembered that Matt Millen is still our team president . . .
  
• . . . and our new runningback's underwear was stolen by the guy he is replacing. Oh the joys of being a Lions fan.
• FanIQ dares to ask the question: which cheerleaders are better, NCAA or NFL? (Though I question FanIQ's choice of the USC Song Girls as California's representative as opposed to GameTime, TBD© favorite Brianna and the UCLA cheerleaders.)
• Under the category of "shocking", Tennessee fans are not too pleased with phat Phil.
• Two stadiums, eight miles apart; its a fifty-fifty chance that the skydivers pick the right stadium. Let us see how it turns out.
• I used to idolize The Sports Guy; he is after all the reason I started this blog. But then he kind of got too big for himself and lost touch with who he really is. It is nice to see him return to form, if but only for a minute, in his NFL predictions.
• And what would football season be without mentioning Ryan Leaf? After reading this article ask yourself this: do I feel better about Ryan Leaf or sorry for myself?

As for your viewing entertainment, I am taking a risk and blending sports with politics. Okay, I guess it is not really a risk since sports and politics have mixed well for many years now. So, in honor of my party choosing a former-sportscaster as its vice-presidential candidate, here are some great moments in sportscasting history, with a little weather mixed in for fun:

• There is a theory that, in this day-and-age, once something is put on the internet it can never be completely destroyed. Therefore, my sincerest apologies to the Republican Party; try as you might, this Sarah Palin sportscast is not going anywhere. And trust me when I say, we are all better off because of it.
• Somewhere my Better Half is laughing because she knows I probably would have reacted the same way.
• Your first time never goes the way you dreamed it would.
• Brian Collins would like to remind you that "Boom Goes the Dynamite".

It really is good to be back. We will get the ball rolling on some new original content here shortly. In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!

Behind Enemy Lines

Yesterday I ventured to a place I rarely go, a place that haunts me in my nightmares: the University of Southern California (or, as girls from my high school used to call it, "that place Daddy went"). I have been to the USC campus three times since December of 2005: (1) USC's 66-19 drubbing of UCLA to end the 2005 football season; (b) Sis's graduation from the Marshall School of Business (don't even get me started; if she hadn't met her husband--more commonly known to GameTime, TBD© readers as my Brother-in-Law--while attending Marshall, I probably wouldn't be speaking to her anymore...okay, that's not entirely true, but you get the picture); and (iii) UCLA's 65-64 come-from-behind victory over USC at the Galen Center, capped off by Arron Afflalo's 15-footer with four seconds left while getting fouled by Nick Young.

You might be wondering, then, how I ended up on the USC campus on a Monday late morning/early afternoon when no sporting events were taking place at that time. I wish I could tell you that I was there checking out the disproportionate number of attractive young women that attend USC, the girls that will invariably be dressed as a "Sexy (interest profession/fairy tale character/superhero/etc. here)" come Halloween. Attractive women, however, were not the reason for my quest into the seventh circle of hell. [Speaking of attractive young women (other than My Better Half), my office is located right around the corner from the Fashinon Institute of Design and Merchandising, "FiDM" for short. In fact, my office overlooks the campus from about a block away. Many of the students at FiDM are attractive young women and you see them walking to and from classes during lunch, proudly displaying their FiDM shoulder bags. Well, I was in Ralph's picking up a sandwich for lunch today and there was a FiDM student walking around with an arm full of sugar-free Rockstar energy drinks and a bottle of water, and she was taking a few bites of samples available around the store. This is the problem with shows like The Hills; they make young women think that diet energy drinks and a few sample size bites of food constitutes a "healthy" diet. And these girls wonder why they get wasted after only two drinks?...but I digress].

Every Monday, the USC Athletic Department hosts an event entitled "Monday Morning Quarterback." It is a lunch followed by a meeting with Pete Carroll. Pete gives a little speech about his feelings on the last game, breaks down some game film, and then takes questions from the crowd. Those in attendance are mostly older alums who have probably donated tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars to the program. Several of the senior partners in my firm attend this event on a weekly basis and when they can not make it, they invite other attorneys to go in their place. I have been invited to attend on several occasions in the past but, as you can imagine, have had no desire to sit in the Galen Center for two hours and listen to a Pete Carroll love fest.

Well, I was invited to go yesterday and I could not say no. This was my chance to go after a USC loss. Not just any loss mind you, but a loss that all but guaranteed that USC will be playing in, at best, the Holiday Bowl and possibly the Las Vegas Bowl. This is a school that has grown accustom to playing in the Rose Bowl or the BCS Championship game; they are used to playing their bowl game after the new year begins, not before it. I just had to see how the alumni responded to that. Although I had to sit through about twenty minutes of USC marching band (I nearly slit my wrists with my car key...seriously...that damn song is worse than a Chinese torture chamber), it turned out to be everything I hoped for.

There was no standing ovation for Pete when he entered the arena; I was informed that that was a first. Although I had watched the game live, when Pete went over some of the game film it became abundantly clear that USC was not necessarily beat by a better team but, rather, were not prepared to play the type of game Oregon plays. When it came time for the question and answer portion, Pete was forced to deal with questions like "Is the offense becoming too predictable?", "Why did you go for it on 4th and 1?", "Why is the team struggling against the worst teams in the league?", and, my personal favorite, "Why are you getting out coached?" Pete, for the most part, gave cookie-cutter answers: dealing with too many injuries, thought they could make it on 4th and 1, the Pac-10 is competitive league top to bottom, blah, blah, blah. But those in attendance were clearly not satisfied with the answers and, had the MC not called an end to the event, would probably still be asking questions. I have never seen a man exit a building faster than Pete Carroll left the Galen Center.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed watching him face the firing squad, I should admit that I have a new level of respect for Pete Carroll (though, it's admittedly low since my prior respect was non-existent). USC fans have become spoiled with their school's recent football success. They forget what it was like during the latter years of John Robinson's tenure. So, I am not surprised that a few alumni have their granny panties in a bunch over two losses. I do not think they even remember that the last time USC lost two games was just last year. Yet Pete stood there and took it all square in the chest. I am jealous that USC fans get to attend an event like this and I wish UCLA did something similar. I would be there every week if they did. But I know that, even if UCLA did have an event like this, Karl Dorrell would not have come out after that loss to Washington State and answered those questions. Ironically enough, I am pretty sure he would have had to answer the same questions I just mentioned.

It is fun, however, watching USC fans struggle to come to terms with reality. Pete Carroll is not the great coach everyone thought he was. Pete had put together a great staff that made him look like a genius. But with most of the staff having moved on to bigger and better things, the true state of the USC program is becoming clear. And I have got to tell you, I like what I see.

So Bruin fans, I invite you to tune in and watch Karl Dorrell coach his last game as the UCLA head coach this coming Saturday at noon. As for you Trojan fans out there, you can tune in and watch Pete Carroll coach his last game as the USC head coach on Saturday, December 22nd when the Trojans take on the mighty Cougars of BYU in the 16th annual Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl.

Need a Lift?

One advantage to being a Los Angeles Kings and Detroit Lions fan is that no one ever accuses me of being a bandwagon fan. It is possible that someone could try and accuse me of being a bandwagon UCLA fan, what with their recent basketball success and all. But if you have read this blog over the past year, you know that my allegiances run deep. Outside of people who actually went to UCLA, I think there are few people who love UCLA as much as I do. I pride myself on being a loyal fan, in good times and bad.

I say this because I have always been annoyed by bandwagon fans, especially the USC bandwagon fans. Part of the problem with USC bandwagon fans is that they are mostly former Los Angeles Raiders fans. We all know how bad Raiders fans are, so it should come as no surprise that they are not any better as USC fans. Go to a Trojans game at the Los Angeles Coliseum and you will see that most of the cars have Raiders decals on them. I can guarantee that those cars did not make the trip to the Coliseum during the John Robinson era. During the last few years of Robinson's tenure as head coach, and even during Pete Carroll's first season, USC had trouble filling the Coliseum to half its capacity. Now, two national championships later, the Coliseum is packed for every home game and I am left to deal with the traffic as I drive to the Rose Bowl to watch my Bruins.

But the lug nuts on the USC bandwagon are starting to come undone. With three straight weeks of unimpressive play, including an embarrassing lose to the lowly Stanford Cardinal, USC is starring a four, hopefully five, loss season square in the eyes. Now, I know USC has been hit with the injury bug this season, but I do not buy that as an excuse. This is a program that has had a top-five recruiting class each of the last five years, including the number one ranked class from 2004 to 2006 (it's true . . . see for yourself). That means USC's second and third string players would be starters at most other college programs. This team is deep; they have competitions at practice every Tuesday for players to earn their playing time for the upcoming week. I do not buy the injury excuse.

The Trojans have looked sad all year. They looked unimpressive in their week-one victory over Idaho and struggled to beat Washington and Arizona, two of the bottom teams in the Pac-10. There "marquee" win this season is over Nebraska, a team that, at 4-3 and coming off a pounding at the hands of Oklahoma State, is not as good as everyone originally thought. USC still has to travel to Eugene, to Berkeley, and to Tempe to play three of the top programs in the nation (Cal, Oregon, and Arizona State respectively). Plus, you never know what will happen when UCLA "comes to town" in December. Trojan fans just need to face the truth: USC has not been the same since offensive coordinator Norm Chow left in 2005. It was Chow, not Carroll, who was the mastermind of that unstoppable offense. And, if USC goes 6-4 or 5-5 (gotta love the Las Vegas Bowl), there is a very real possibility that Pete Carroll will say yes to one of those NFL offers that come his way every year.

So, what are all of those Trojan bandwagon fans going to do if . . . no . . . when the wheels fall off? Well, since I am a the bearer of bad news, I thought it is only appropriate that GameTime, TBD© help find those poor, lost souls a new bandwagon to jump on.

While perusing Rolling Stone's 2007 "Hot List," I discovered that table tennis (better known as ping pong) is making a comeback in the United States. [I enjoy a good game of table tennis, so this might not be a bad thing. In fact, just the other day I was playing some ping pong with my good friend Forrest and he said, "You know BAP, when I was in China on the All-American Ping Pong team, I just loved playing ping-pong with my Flex-o-lite ping pong paddle." He had an extra one on him and he gave it to me. Let me tell you that he was right, that paddle is amazing . . . but I digress] USA Table Tennis (or "USATT" for short) is hoping that the world's most effective marketing tool, sex, will help sell their sport. USATT is hoping that Serbian-born Chicago resident Biba Golic will help the sport gain some notoriety in the upcoming year. Ms. Golic certainly is easy on the eyes, and I know that is something most Raider/Trojan fans enjoy. What could be better for the sport of table tennis then having a bunch of drunk, overweight men with "I love Biba" painted across their chests showing up at every tournament? Although it seems like a match made in heaven to me, I am guessing that most of the bandwagoners would be looking for another football team to get behind, not table tennis.

Well, thankfully for them, we at GameTime, TBC© know just the team. By traveling only a few miles northeast of Los Angeles, they will be able to find best college football team in all of Southern California, the Occidental Tigers. Now, in the interest of full and fair disclosure, I am an Occidental alum . . . but the facts do not lie. The Tigers have won thirty-one straight regular season games, twenty-four straight conference games, and nineteen straight home games. They have been coached by Dale Widolff for the past 25 years, and his 151-87-3 career record ranks as one of the best career winning percentages in Division III history. They have won the Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference ("SCIAC") title three years in-a-row, and four out of the last six years. The Tigers have made three straight Division III playoff appearances and Occidental is the only SCIAC school to register a playoff victory. The Tigers are 5-0 this year, 3-0 in league, and are ranked #17 in Division III (they were ranked as high as #6 in 2005). If they can get past Cal Lutheran on October 27th, they will likely run the table again and find themselves back in the playoffs.

If I were you, I would jump on that Tiger bandwagon now, before it gets too crowded. What's that you say? You don't know how to get to Eagle Rock? Don't worry, I do. Need a lift?