It has arrived. Let the games begin. I hope you all got your fifteen brackets filled out and ready to go. For those of you stuck at work, we are here to help:
Gus Johnson not your cup of tea? You work for some Communists who might have blocked streaming video? Well, how about a gallery of Marisa Miller squeezing her rack into some bikinis? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry my Better Half is not available for a running diary of all the days action. She is somewhere in the air between Los Angeles and Chicago on her way to visit BFF.
Enjoy the first day of games everyone; especially those men who got snipped this week just so they could stay at home for these two days. God bless your commitment.
Showing posts with label March Madness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label March Madness. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Oh the Madness!!!
[Editor's Note: we've been having some technical difficulties with the site over the past couple of days and few things are still not back to normal. If anything appears out of the ordinary or is not working properly, we apologize. Hopefully we'll be back up a running properly soon . . . and hopefully this Link Dump works properly.]
So, Selection Sunday is right around the corner and all the major sports media outlets have there Cinder-Bracket-Bouble-Ology-Watch-Ella stories running at full speed. As always, I am uber-excited for the tournament, especially after (knock on wood) the Bruins complete their magical run to the tournament this weekend (nothing says dominant conference like your conference tournament champion getting a 14 seed). As usual, I will be spending some of the opening weekend in Las Vegas with my friendsgoing to some shows placing bets on random five-twelve match-ups.
But as excited as I am for Selection Sunday and the start of the Tournament, there is one thing about this time of year that gets me annoyed: all the other bracket-type features websites and blogs run this time of year. I can not tell you how many emails we get around this time of year or how many links pop up on our favorite sites directing us to some bracket trying to determine "The Greatest Sports Movie of All Time" (Caddieshack), or "The College with the Hottest Chicks" (decent), or "The Best Celebrity Couple", or, of course "The Hottest Woman" (ok, I can get behind that one . . . that's what she said . . . ba-ZING). Even How I Met Your Mother had an episode based on a bracket (but that one was totally awesome, no complaints here). I mean, look, if Sports Illustrated wants to decide the "Hottest Swimsuit Photo of All Time", you are not going to see me complaining (though, let's agree to disagree on the result . . . a fair choice, but I think a little swayed by Ms. Decker's current popularity . . . plus, the bracket lost all credibility once the editors decided to leave out this picture). But why does it have to be in bracket form and why does it have to in March? Is March "Bracket Appreciation March"? Did Congress declare March "National Bracket Month"? I mean, it is only a matter of time before someone starts up "The Best Non-NCAA Tournament Bracket" bracket (hmm . . . I could be onto something, maybe I should copyright that or something . . . anyone know a good attorney?). And then, it is only a matter of time until the whole world comes to an end, which is kind of a bummer.
I do not normally say something like this, but it should let you know just how tired of this I am: please do not send me any links to brackets. I spend a decent amount of times on sports websites and blogs, so there is a good chance (read: I guarantee) I have seen it already. I know, I know, I am not one to chastise my readers, but a man can only take so much. I hope you understand where I am coming from on this one though, and can find it in your heart to stick around as a GameTime, TBD© fan. Maybe these will help:
So, Selection Sunday is right around the corner and all the major sports media outlets have there Cinder-Bracket-Bouble-Ology-Watch-Ella stories running at full speed. As always, I am uber-excited for the tournament, especially after (knock on wood) the Bruins complete their magical run to the tournament this weekend (nothing says dominant conference like your conference tournament champion getting a 14 seed). As usual, I will be spending some of the opening weekend in Las Vegas with my friends
But as excited as I am for Selection Sunday and the start of the Tournament, there is one thing about this time of year that gets me annoyed: all the other bracket-type features websites and blogs run this time of year. I can not tell you how many emails we get around this time of year or how many links pop up on our favorite sites directing us to some bracket trying to determine "The Greatest Sports Movie of All Time" (Caddieshack), or "The College with the Hottest Chicks" (decent), or "The Best Celebrity Couple", or, of course "The Hottest Woman" (ok, I can get behind that one . . . that's what she said . . . ba-ZING). Even How I Met Your Mother had an episode based on a bracket (but that one was totally awesome, no complaints here). I mean, look, if Sports Illustrated wants to decide the "Hottest Swimsuit Photo of All Time", you are not going to see me complaining (though, let's agree to disagree on the result . . . a fair choice, but I think a little swayed by Ms. Decker's current popularity . . . plus, the bracket lost all credibility once the editors decided to leave out this picture). But why does it have to be in bracket form and why does it have to in March? Is March "Bracket Appreciation March"? Did Congress declare March "National Bracket Month"? I mean, it is only a matter of time before someone starts up "The Best Non-NCAA Tournament Bracket" bracket (hmm . . . I could be onto something, maybe I should copyright that or something . . . anyone know a good attorney?). And then, it is only a matter of time until the whole world comes to an end, which is kind of a bummer.
I do not normally say something like this, but it should let you know just how tired of this I am: please do not send me any links to brackets. I spend a decent amount of times on sports websites and blogs, so there is a good chance (read: I guarantee) I have seen it already. I know, I know, I am not one to chastise my readers, but a man can only take so much. I hope you understand where I am coming from on this one though, and can find it in your heart to stick around as a GameTime, TBD© fan. Maybe these will help:
- If you had the Hartford Courant in the "First Paper to Run Article About How NCAA Office Pool Will Turn You Into a Degenerate" pool, please collect your winnings to the right.
- I was under the impression Tiger did not have much of an image left to manage.
- Jim Schwartz goes all ex-boyfriend-stalker crazy to land himself a top free agent; no complaints here.
- Yes Dan, you are just an idiot.
- Lethargy rehab? Is nothing safe from rehab theses days?
- When you are used to playing in hockey hotbeds like Raleigh and Nashville, things in D.C. can be scary.
- The Canada Post puts out amber alert on hockey cards.
- So, about that time you had sex with your sister . . .
- I do not know what is sodder, the fact Florida State has a "Sod Cemetery" or that someone bothered to asterisk each of the vacated wins.
- The Pinstripe Bowl? Is that really something we need?
- This year's MLB pre-season "race remarks taken out of context" are brought to you by [*spins wheel*]: Torii Hunter.
- Looks like Nails has gotten himself caught in yet another [legal] pickle.
- It must be a contract year.
- Some quick math tells me that is 1,050 per prostitute for the entire event, or thirty-five per prostitute per day. Gross.
- Nothing says "It's baseball season" like a bench-clearing brawl with not one, but two felony assaults.
- While Jimmy Fallon might have fallen short on his Saved by the Bell reunion efforts, he certainly knocked this one out of the park.
- And then he topped off the week with this reunion.
- My Better Half and I are visiting my Bro and SIL at the end March and we plan on seeing a Boston Bruins hockey game. We better also see this.
- Real bears playing hockey. Enough said.+
- This was an inexcusable omission from last week's Link Dump. Rest assured, we have addressed the issue and "taken care of it".
- Look at that, Heidi Montag (at least I think that's Heidi Montag) did something almost funny.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A Woman Can Only Take So Much
Around "the office", there has been a lot of talk about when, or even if, my Better Half would make her GameTime, TBD©. As I am sure you all recall, during this time of year we are usually in some exotic location (Sacramento, Boise, Anaheim, etc . . . how exotic) following March Madness live and in person (redundant much?). Unfortunately, this year, my Better Half being in grad school and our inability to obtain tickets through the NCAA's lottery system has forced me to follow March Madness at work. So I, the Chief, came up with a brilliant idea: sit my Better Half in front of the television for twelve (12) straight hours watching nothing but basketball and, here is the kicker, record her thoughts in the form of a running diary for the avid readers of GameTime, TBD© to enjoy. So without further adieu, the "folks" here at GameTime, TBD© are pleased to present for your enjoyment, the ramblings . . . err . . . thoughts of a not-so-avid-sports fan forced to watch nothing but basketball all day. With the exception of the infamous "[Editor's Note:]" everything from here on out are her words. Enjoy!
The Chief [Editor's Note: that BAP fella] has been talking about my GameTime, TBD© debut for a while now, and has decided to make today, Day 1 of the 2009 Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament, that day. The assignment is to watch the entire day of games and record my thoughts (oh the luxuries that come with being a full time graduate student). I am sure the Chief chose this day and this project thinking he and the avid readers could have a good laugh at my expense. Well, here’s a warning: my profound insights may just blow your mind.
9:22AM: The Chief called to wake me up. I am late for my first assignment (apparently the staff of GameTime, TBD© doesn’t care that today is also my first day of Spring Break).
9:25AM: The television says Memphis-0, CS North-2. Who is CS North? Ah, Northridge! I am not awake yet. I think that kid in the white uniform has blue shoes on. I am a huge fan of accessories. I need my glasses . . .
9:28AM: Have glasses and have just figured out that the black uniforms are Northridge, and the white uniforms are Memphis. The CBS commentators have just informed me that Cheech Marin went to CSN (not a lot else to talk about so far.) CSN-9, Memphis-4.
9:30AM: They keep talking about field goals, but I thought that was a football thing. Whatever the basketball thing is should have a different name in order to cut down on the confusion.
9:35AM: I really hope they don’t play the same commercials all day . . . wow, that CSN cheerleader is really spastic . . . and her belly is hanging out . . . not good.
9:43AM: The commentator just “told” the Memphis player to “get in there big fella.” [Editor's Note: that's what she said!] I wonder how the player would respond if he actually heard that?
9:55AM: That good Northridge player just did a slam dunk (verb: slam dunked?). That’s always entertaining. And I really feel like it’s an accomplishment. More so since he’s a student, and not a professional. I have a difficult time being impressed by professional basketball players, even when they slam dunk. Sure, I could never do it, which is why I don’t get paid to play basketball. It is a professional basketball player’s job to put the ball in the basket. When I go back to work full time, no one is going to cheer for me for doing my job. I’m just saying….well done Northridge player. [Editor's Note: I've been a proponent of finding ways to cut down on excessive celebration in sports. As my Better Half pointed out, it's their job. In the meantime, I'll just keep celebrating every time I file a motion or attend a deposition. I might get some weird looks around the office, but it sure spices things up.]
10:03AM: #4 on Memphis is huge! [Editor's Note: that's what she said . . . sometimes it's just too easy.]
10:15AM: Half time! That kid in the Capital One commercial is really cute. Jack-in-the-Box and Burger King are both gross. I need an internship.
10:30AM: CBS just switched to LSU v. Butler. I don’t feel invested in this game. Though, the players do appear to be moving faster than in the CSN v. Memphis game, so that’s more entertaining.
10:44AM: I really don’t understand the ranking. Memphis does not appear to be that much better than CSN.
11:07AM: Something exciting must be happening because people are going nuts on the TV. I don’t know for sure because I’m currently distracted by Facebook (I haven’t logged on in weeks and I need to catch up on my correspondence) [Editor's Note: 11:07am before the first check out? I'm impressed. I had the under in the office pool at 10:03am.]
11:38AM: …and I’m back…and it’s a commercial.
11:40AM: Wow! It’s a totally different game. Whoops! Northern Iowa-6 Purdue-11
11:43AM: Purdue player slam dunked. Bravo sir.
11:50AM: “Maggie” from the Chevy Traverse commercial is really annoying. But more importantly, I really like the purple shoes that the Northern Iowa players are wearing. Next year my bracket will be based solely on fashion (the uniforms and shoes of the players). Of course it will require more research on my part, but it will be nothing compared to the amount of research some people do when making brackets. I didn’t use any methodology in making my picks this year….my bracket feels empty.
12:10PM: The commentator just said something about an “easy deuce.” They should really watch their language on CBS.
12:13PM: How is that a foul? Just don’t get in his way and you won’t fall over, kid-with-red-hair!
12:25PM: They just switched to Maryland and Cal! I am really having trouble keeping up and . . . yikes! That cheerleader is not attractive. [Editor's Note: must be Cal . . .]
12:55PM: Entertaining first half. Good hustle Maryland and Cal. Let’s take this time to check in on the Wife’s bracket. Memphis win? Check. BYU win? NO! LSU win? Check. Okay, 2 out of 3 so far. Not bad.
1:03PM: Northern Iowa bringing it with a 6-0 run. Do it Purple Shoes!!!!!!
1:31PM: Purdue wins. Pshh. Barely. Switched back to Maryland v. Cal (51-50 Cal)…only to go to a commercial! Note to Chief, this is why I don’t like watching sports at home. As soon as I get engaged, the Man rips away the game and crushes me with advertising.
1:42PM: Come on Cal! Get it in gear. I mean, that kid on Maryland has a faux hawk. A FAUX HAWK! He can’t even commit to a full and true Mohawk. If you don’t beat him, how will you live with yourselves?
2:01PM: I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am currently tied with President Obama in bracket play (but am tied for 11th at school . . . shameful). [Editor's Note: did I forget to mention my Better Half is a socialist in the intro? My bad. I don't have the resources to fully vet my candidates . . . but I digress.]
2:05PM: Cal, this is go time. You call yourselves THE University of California? Well, EARN IT!
2:08PM: Cal . . . I just . . . [sigh] . . . B-rock has pulled into the lead. I have fallen to 12th at school. But thank you, North Carolina. Thank you for playing basketball today. Cal, maybe you should take all the extra time you have now to watch some tapes and pick up some tips on FINISHING. (I think I need to take a lunch break…I’m getting a little cranky).
2:15PM: Uh, CBS just switched to “The Price is Right.” And GameTime staff is texting me about someone named Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims Jr. What is going on? Did I have a stroke?
2:25PM: Nope, no stroke. Just a break between Session 1 and Session 2 games. I should have remembered. Whew. It turns out Kickingstallionsims is someone that plays for Alabama St. I’m going for a run.
4:09PM: And we’re back (got back from my run just in time). Michigan v. Clemson, and so far I like Clemson because #1 and #18 have orange shoes (I told you, I like accessories).
4:13PM: Nice block Clemson! Swat that ball.
4:15PM: A dunk for Clemson, but I’m not fully impressed. Two reasons: One, there was no one near him, so there wasn’t that cool visual of him jumping over people. Two, he did the hang-on-to-the-basket-and-swing thing. Don’t gloat buddy. Now, if he would have used the momentum from his swing to do a back flip or at least a flying kick in the air, then that would have been impressive. [Editor's Note: she's always been a go big or go home type of girl.]
4:24PM: #45 has orange shoes too! Oh, the Clemson cheerleader outfits are very unfortunate . . . maybe it’s a strategic thing: divert the attention of the opposing team with bright, shiny spandex?! It’s not working so far. Mich-11, Clem-9
4:40PM: Switched to Gonzaga v. Akron. WHAT is Akron’s mascot? A kangaroo? (google search shows that yes, it is a kangaroo. Named Zippy.)
4:56PM: I wonder why that Akron guy is wearing a sleeved shirt under his jersey? I know that most guys wear undershirts while playing to protect from chaffing [Editor's Note: chaffing? I'm not sure that's entirely accurate . . . ], but it looks like all of the other undershirts are sleeveless. I knew a guy in high school who wore a short-sleeved shirt under his basketball jersey because he didn’t want his parents (or coach) to find out about his nipple rings (can I say nipple on GameTime, TBD©? [Editor's Note: while my Better Half struggles with issues of decency, allow me to take this opportunity to direct you to pictures of one of Louisville's cheerleaders. Nipple, nipple, nipple.]). Akron guy, are you hiding nipple rings? Embarrassing tattoos? Are you insecure with your body? You should love yourself.
5:22PM: I am really enjoying the “Become legendary” commercials. I have no idea what they’re selling, but they’re funny. You know what’s not funny? Any joke attempted by the CBS commentators. Likening that Zags block to a Senate filibuster? Really?
5:33PM: Greg Gumbel’s hair is fascinating. He switched it over to American v. Villanova. Oh! And the only make-up on that Nova cheerleader’s face is the fake wildcat-paw-print tattoo. Yikes!
5:36PM: Just switched to Minnesota v. Texas. I really don’t like the Minnesota uniforms. I feel like they should be able to do so much more given that their mascot is the Golden Gophers. But I’d like to give a shout out to the Texas player that has an armband. [Editor's Note: I hate you A.J. Abrams!] I’m sure it serves some purpose, but I just appreciate that you have brightened it up with an orange accent. It’s good to have pride in your team and in yourself.
5:53PM: I think players should be able to punch the ball out of the hoop through the bottom of the net. It would be so much harder to get points and it would be exciting. Like when you’re on a co-ed team for beer pong and you can blow the ball out of the cup. You get rewarded for moving quickly. Plus, it adds intensity to the game. [Editor's Note: 'cause that's why guys let girls blow the ball out the cup . . . ] I think I’ll write a letter about it to the NCAA officials (oh yeah, it’s back to Akron v. Gonzaga . . . Akron 44, Zags 41).
5:58PM: Akron had to call a timeout because a player’s contact lens fell out and needed to be cleaned. How embarrassing.
6:03PM: CBS just played a portion of “The Humpty Dance” while showing stats on today’s games (I don’t understand the choice, but they flashed a picture of “The Humpty Dance” album cover). One of the commentators said, “Wow, the Humpty Dance. Really takes me back to my wedding night.” Seriously, CBS, clean it up!
6:24PM: Chief [Editor's Note: that's Chief Kickingstallionsims to you young lady] just got home. I’m sure he’s anxious to edit my content.
6:30PM: Bracket update: I am in last place of my school bracket! How is that possible? Well, I actually know how it’s possible. And normally I wouldn’t care, but after an ENTIRE day of basketball, I feel like I deserve better. Oh, and the Chief’s pleased with the content. [Editor's Note: very!]
7:05PM: UCLA tips off against VCU. This game should be entertaining for three reasons: 1) This is the first time I’ve ever attended a school that has made it to the Division I tournament; 2) I am not watching the game alone, and; 3) the Chief gets so into it. It’s really amusing. [Editor's Note: I think she meant 1), b), iii) . . . but I'll let it slide just this once.]
7:14PM: The Chief is relieved that UCLA took both their stunt team AND dance team to the tournament. He’s a huge fan of the choreography. [Editor's Note: right, and were I to have a subscription to Playboy, it'd be for the articles.]
7:19PM: The Chief is impressed that I can recite the entire Miller Light commercial (what he doesn’t realize is I’ve seen it 26 times today).
7:32PM: Hey, VCU player, watch out for the rim! [Editor's Note: she's talking about Larry Sanders, starring Garry Shandling, who tried to dunk by slamming it into the bottom of the rim. It's only funny if you've heard Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas talk about his 7-foot, 7-inch wing span for the last 30 minutes.]
7:47PM: VCU brought both their stunt team and dance team too. The dance team looks sassy. If the game ends in a tie, there should be a dance team dance off to settle it.
7:55PM: I’m officially bored with this assignment. The Chief is threatening to call me a quitter, so I won’t sign off . . . just take a break. [Editor's Note: I can't quit you!]
8:00PM: That didn’t last long . . . watching Illinois v. Western Kentucky. 4 out of the 5 Illinois guys on the court have orange shoes on. That fifth guy is distracting---he draws focus. They should just make the orange shoes mandatory.
8:27PM: I feel like the commentators are biased. They’re obsessed with this Maynor guy. How about some props for Shipp? Or some love for my boy Dragovic for shaving off that funky beard? [Editor's Note: hey, hey, hey . . . leave my Nik out of this.]
8:31PM: If I see one more Lipitor ad I am going to throw something. And the new Geico commercials are weird. A stack of $5 bills with eyes? Where’s the Australian gecko? And the more ads I see for “Knowing,” the more stupid it looks.
8:40PM: Aboya looks like he’s wearing body oil. I mean, I know he’s sweating. But he looks unnaturally shiny.
8:42PM: I am so over this. UCLA is not playing very well, and Grey’s Anatomy and The Office both start in 18 minutes. Of course, there’s no way the Chief is going to let me change the channel. Even though I’ve been working so hard all day . . . (cue the violins)
8:46PM: Seriously, I think one of the commentators wants to make-out with that Maynor guy. (the Chief is growling at UCLA . . . )
8:48PM: The Resident Evil 5 game looks intense. I want it.
9:03PM: The VCU band has a full size Yoda figurine, and a few of the ladies have stripped to their bikinis. Can’t make this stuff up folks.
9:04PM: The Chief is yelling profanity at the officials. I think his head might explode. So, Bruins, I’m calling in a favor. Forget that I’ve watched 10 hours of basketball today. Forget that I am missing my favorite show right now. Please pull away and finish with a commanding lead so that my husband’s head won’t explode. Thanks.
9:11PM: I want to punch Maynor in the head (I think all this basketball is getting to me).
9:14PM: Shot clock violation? Seriously?!
9:17PM: One point is all it takes. Thank you UCLA.
Well, friends. It’s been a pleasure, but I have decided I would rather be called a quitter than have to watch any more basketball. So, goodnight, take care, and thanks for reading.
The Chief [Editor's Note: that BAP fella] has been talking about my GameTime, TBD© debut for a while now, and has decided to make today, Day 1 of the 2009 Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament, that day. The assignment is to watch the entire day of games and record my thoughts (oh the luxuries that come with being a full time graduate student). I am sure the Chief chose this day and this project thinking he and the avid readers could have a good laugh at my expense. Well, here’s a warning: my profound insights may just blow your mind.
9:22AM: The Chief called to wake me up. I am late for my first assignment (apparently the staff of GameTime, TBD© doesn’t care that today is also my first day of Spring Break).
9:25AM: The television says Memphis-0, CS North-2. Who is CS North? Ah, Northridge! I am not awake yet. I think that kid in the white uniform has blue shoes on. I am a huge fan of accessories. I need my glasses . . .
9:28AM: Have glasses and have just figured out that the black uniforms are Northridge, and the white uniforms are Memphis. The CBS commentators have just informed me that Cheech Marin went to CSN (not a lot else to talk about so far.) CSN-9, Memphis-4.
9:30AM: They keep talking about field goals, but I thought that was a football thing. Whatever the basketball thing is should have a different name in order to cut down on the confusion.
9:35AM: I really hope they don’t play the same commercials all day . . . wow, that CSN cheerleader is really spastic . . . and her belly is hanging out . . . not good.
9:43AM: The commentator just “told” the Memphis player to “get in there big fella.” [Editor's Note: that's what she said!] I wonder how the player would respond if he actually heard that?
9:55AM: That good Northridge player just did a slam dunk (verb: slam dunked?). That’s always entertaining. And I really feel like it’s an accomplishment. More so since he’s a student, and not a professional. I have a difficult time being impressed by professional basketball players, even when they slam dunk. Sure, I could never do it, which is why I don’t get paid to play basketball. It is a professional basketball player’s job to put the ball in the basket. When I go back to work full time, no one is going to cheer for me for doing my job. I’m just saying….well done Northridge player. [Editor's Note: I've been a proponent of finding ways to cut down on excessive celebration in sports. As my Better Half pointed out, it's their job. In the meantime, I'll just keep celebrating every time I file a motion or attend a deposition. I might get some weird looks around the office, but it sure spices things up.]
10:03AM: #4 on Memphis is huge! [Editor's Note: that's what she said . . . sometimes it's just too easy.]
10:15AM: Half time! That kid in the Capital One commercial is really cute. Jack-in-the-Box and Burger King are both gross. I need an internship.
10:30AM: CBS just switched to LSU v. Butler. I don’t feel invested in this game. Though, the players do appear to be moving faster than in the CSN v. Memphis game, so that’s more entertaining.
10:44AM: I really don’t understand the ranking. Memphis does not appear to be that much better than CSN.
11:07AM: Something exciting must be happening because people are going nuts on the TV. I don’t know for sure because I’m currently distracted by Facebook (I haven’t logged on in weeks and I need to catch up on my correspondence) [Editor's Note: 11:07am before the first check out? I'm impressed. I had the under in the office pool at 10:03am.]
11:38AM: …and I’m back…and it’s a commercial.
11:40AM: Wow! It’s a totally different game. Whoops! Northern Iowa-6 Purdue-11
11:43AM: Purdue player slam dunked. Bravo sir.
11:50AM: “Maggie” from the Chevy Traverse commercial is really annoying. But more importantly, I really like the purple shoes that the Northern Iowa players are wearing. Next year my bracket will be based solely on fashion (the uniforms and shoes of the players). Of course it will require more research on my part, but it will be nothing compared to the amount of research some people do when making brackets. I didn’t use any methodology in making my picks this year….my bracket feels empty.
12:10PM: The commentator just said something about an “easy deuce.” They should really watch their language on CBS.
12:13PM: How is that a foul? Just don’t get in his way and you won’t fall over, kid-with-red-hair!
12:25PM: They just switched to Maryland and Cal! I am really having trouble keeping up and . . . yikes! That cheerleader is not attractive. [Editor's Note: must be Cal . . .]
12:55PM: Entertaining first half. Good hustle Maryland and Cal. Let’s take this time to check in on the Wife’s bracket. Memphis win? Check. BYU win? NO! LSU win? Check. Okay, 2 out of 3 so far. Not bad.
1:03PM: Northern Iowa bringing it with a 6-0 run. Do it Purple Shoes!!!!!!
1:31PM: Purdue wins. Pshh. Barely. Switched back to Maryland v. Cal (51-50 Cal)…only to go to a commercial! Note to Chief, this is why I don’t like watching sports at home. As soon as I get engaged, the Man rips away the game and crushes me with advertising.
1:42PM: Come on Cal! Get it in gear. I mean, that kid on Maryland has a faux hawk. A FAUX HAWK! He can’t even commit to a full and true Mohawk. If you don’t beat him, how will you live with yourselves?
2:01PM: I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am currently tied with President Obama in bracket play (but am tied for 11th at school . . . shameful). [Editor's Note: did I forget to mention my Better Half is a socialist in the intro? My bad. I don't have the resources to fully vet my candidates . . . but I digress.]
2:05PM: Cal, this is go time. You call yourselves THE University of California? Well, EARN IT!
2:08PM: Cal . . . I just . . . [sigh] . . . B-rock has pulled into the lead. I have fallen to 12th at school. But thank you, North Carolina. Thank you for playing basketball today. Cal, maybe you should take all the extra time you have now to watch some tapes and pick up some tips on FINISHING. (I think I need to take a lunch break…I’m getting a little cranky).
2:15PM: Uh, CBS just switched to “The Price is Right.” And GameTime staff is texting me about someone named Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims Jr. What is going on? Did I have a stroke?
2:25PM: Nope, no stroke. Just a break between Session 1 and Session 2 games. I should have remembered. Whew. It turns out Kickingstallionsims is someone that plays for Alabama St. I’m going for a run.
4:09PM: And we’re back (got back from my run just in time). Michigan v. Clemson, and so far I like Clemson because #1 and #18 have orange shoes (I told you, I like accessories).
4:13PM: Nice block Clemson! Swat that ball.
4:15PM: A dunk for Clemson, but I’m not fully impressed. Two reasons: One, there was no one near him, so there wasn’t that cool visual of him jumping over people. Two, he did the hang-on-to-the-basket-and-swing thing. Don’t gloat buddy. Now, if he would have used the momentum from his swing to do a back flip or at least a flying kick in the air, then that would have been impressive. [Editor's Note: she's always been a go big or go home type of girl.]
4:24PM: #45 has orange shoes too! Oh, the Clemson cheerleader outfits are very unfortunate . . . maybe it’s a strategic thing: divert the attention of the opposing team with bright, shiny spandex?! It’s not working so far. Mich-11, Clem-9
4:40PM: Switched to Gonzaga v. Akron. WHAT is Akron’s mascot? A kangaroo? (google search shows that yes, it is a kangaroo. Named Zippy.)
4:56PM: I wonder why that Akron guy is wearing a sleeved shirt under his jersey? I know that most guys wear undershirts while playing to protect from chaffing [Editor's Note: chaffing? I'm not sure that's entirely accurate . . . ], but it looks like all of the other undershirts are sleeveless. I knew a guy in high school who wore a short-sleeved shirt under his basketball jersey because he didn’t want his parents (or coach) to find out about his nipple rings (can I say nipple on GameTime, TBD©? [Editor's Note: while my Better Half struggles with issues of decency, allow me to take this opportunity to direct you to pictures of one of Louisville's cheerleaders. Nipple, nipple, nipple.]). Akron guy, are you hiding nipple rings? Embarrassing tattoos? Are you insecure with your body? You should love yourself.
5:22PM: I am really enjoying the “Become legendary” commercials. I have no idea what they’re selling, but they’re funny. You know what’s not funny? Any joke attempted by the CBS commentators. Likening that Zags block to a Senate filibuster? Really?
5:33PM: Greg Gumbel’s hair is fascinating. He switched it over to American v. Villanova. Oh! And the only make-up on that Nova cheerleader’s face is the fake wildcat-paw-print tattoo. Yikes!
5:36PM: Just switched to Minnesota v. Texas. I really don’t like the Minnesota uniforms. I feel like they should be able to do so much more given that their mascot is the Golden Gophers. But I’d like to give a shout out to the Texas player that has an armband. [Editor's Note: I hate you A.J. Abrams!] I’m sure it serves some purpose, but I just appreciate that you have brightened it up with an orange accent. It’s good to have pride in your team and in yourself.
5:53PM: I think players should be able to punch the ball out of the hoop through the bottom of the net. It would be so much harder to get points and it would be exciting. Like when you’re on a co-ed team for beer pong and you can blow the ball out of the cup. You get rewarded for moving quickly. Plus, it adds intensity to the game. [Editor's Note: 'cause that's why guys let girls blow the ball out the cup . . . ] I think I’ll write a letter about it to the NCAA officials (oh yeah, it’s back to Akron v. Gonzaga . . . Akron 44, Zags 41).
5:58PM: Akron had to call a timeout because a player’s contact lens fell out and needed to be cleaned. How embarrassing.
6:03PM: CBS just played a portion of “The Humpty Dance” while showing stats on today’s games (I don’t understand the choice, but they flashed a picture of “The Humpty Dance” album cover). One of the commentators said, “Wow, the Humpty Dance. Really takes me back to my wedding night.” Seriously, CBS, clean it up!
6:24PM: Chief [Editor's Note: that's Chief Kickingstallionsims to you young lady] just got home. I’m sure he’s anxious to edit my content.
6:30PM: Bracket update: I am in last place of my school bracket! How is that possible? Well, I actually know how it’s possible. And normally I wouldn’t care, but after an ENTIRE day of basketball, I feel like I deserve better. Oh, and the Chief’s pleased with the content. [Editor's Note: very!]
7:05PM: UCLA tips off against VCU. This game should be entertaining for three reasons: 1) This is the first time I’ve ever attended a school that has made it to the Division I tournament; 2) I am not watching the game alone, and; 3) the Chief gets so into it. It’s really amusing. [Editor's Note: I think she meant 1), b), iii) . . . but I'll let it slide just this once.]
7:14PM: The Chief is relieved that UCLA took both their stunt team AND dance team to the tournament. He’s a huge fan of the choreography. [Editor's Note: right, and were I to have a subscription to Playboy, it'd be for the articles.]
7:19PM: The Chief is impressed that I can recite the entire Miller Light commercial (what he doesn’t realize is I’ve seen it 26 times today).
7:32PM: Hey, VCU player, watch out for the rim! [Editor's Note: she's talking about Larry Sanders, starring Garry Shandling, who tried to dunk by slamming it into the bottom of the rim. It's only funny if you've heard Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas talk about his 7-foot, 7-inch wing span for the last 30 minutes.]
7:47PM: VCU brought both their stunt team and dance team too. The dance team looks sassy. If the game ends in a tie, there should be a dance team dance off to settle it.
7:55PM: I’m officially bored with this assignment. The Chief is threatening to call me a quitter, so I won’t sign off . . . just take a break. [Editor's Note: I can't quit you!]
8:00PM: That didn’t last long . . . watching Illinois v. Western Kentucky. 4 out of the 5 Illinois guys on the court have orange shoes on. That fifth guy is distracting---he draws focus. They should just make the orange shoes mandatory.
8:27PM: I feel like the commentators are biased. They’re obsessed with this Maynor guy. How about some props for Shipp? Or some love for my boy Dragovic for shaving off that funky beard? [Editor's Note: hey, hey, hey . . . leave my Nik out of this.]
8:31PM: If I see one more Lipitor ad I am going to throw something. And the new Geico commercials are weird. A stack of $5 bills with eyes? Where’s the Australian gecko? And the more ads I see for “Knowing,” the more stupid it looks.
8:40PM: Aboya looks like he’s wearing body oil. I mean, I know he’s sweating. But he looks unnaturally shiny.
8:42PM: I am so over this. UCLA is not playing very well, and Grey’s Anatomy and The Office both start in 18 minutes. Of course, there’s no way the Chief is going to let me change the channel. Even though I’ve been working so hard all day . . . (cue the violins)
8:46PM: Seriously, I think one of the commentators wants to make-out with that Maynor guy. (the Chief is growling at UCLA . . . )
8:48PM: The Resident Evil 5 game looks intense. I want it.
9:03PM: The VCU band has a full size Yoda figurine, and a few of the ladies have stripped to their bikinis. Can’t make this stuff up folks.
9:04PM: The Chief is yelling profanity at the officials. I think his head might explode. So, Bruins, I’m calling in a favor. Forget that I’ve watched 10 hours of basketball today. Forget that I am missing my favorite show right now. Please pull away and finish with a commanding lead so that my husband’s head won’t explode. Thanks.
9:11PM: I want to punch Maynor in the head (I think all this basketball is getting to me).
9:14PM: Shot clock violation? Seriously?!
9:17PM: One point is all it takes. Thank you UCLA.
Well, friends. It’s been a pleasure, but I have decided I would rather be called a quitter than have to watch any more basketball. So, goodnight, take care, and thanks for reading.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Now You Know . . . And Knowing Is Half the Battle
I know more than a few people out there (some avid readers, some not . . . their loss) whom are headed out to San Antonio, Texas because some colleges are finishing up some stupid tournament that no one really cares about (okay, that's a lie; I'm just jealous that they're going and I'm not). So, for all you Bruin faithful headed out to cheer on our team in person, I thought I would help you get prepared for the weekend. Here is everything you have "ever" wanted to know about the great city of San Antonio, Texas (what's that? You've never wanted to know anything about San Antonio? Well, keep reading and maybe you'll learn something new).
For starters, San Antonio is the second largest city in all of Texas, and the seventh largest city in the United States (of America . . . if you were confused and thought you might be headed to a foreign country). Located in Bexar county, San Antonio is "in the northern part of South Texas" (I am a little confused here . . . when did we split Texas into two states? I just counted and there are still only 50 stars on the American Flag. Did we revoke someone's statehood? I bet it was New Jersey. Stupid public school/pricey-private-college education . . . a lot of good you did me).
What is now San Antonio was originally a Coahuiltecan Indian village until Spain sent missionaries to colonize the native people some 300 years ago. In 1718, the Franciscans constructed a mission, San Antonio de Valero, to convert, educate, and serve as the economic core for the settlement. In 1731, Spain sent settlers from the Canary Islands to further establish their colonial presence and over the next few years, built four more missions along the river. A lack of military support and raids by neighboring Comanche and Apaches weakened Spain's control of the original mission and, in 1794, Mission San Antonia de Valero was secularized and became a Spanish military installation . . . a little place people like to call The Alamo.
You might remember The Alamo from its leading roll in the critically acclaimed performance of the Texas Revolution. It was not but 170 years ago (1836), that 189 Texas fighters (wait, we had war planes in 1836?) held off Antonia Lopez de Santa Anna and his 4,000-plus lackies for 13 days. Most famous among them was, of course, Davy Crockett, a great American folk hero and the owner of a very fancy Double Tree resort and vineyard in Santa Barbara, California where my sister and brother-in-law held their wedding reception. He has aged quite well for having been born sometime around 1786 and does not show much evidence of "dying" at the Battle of the Alamo.
When packing for your trip, do not forget to pack your shorts and, if you are not cool enough to live in Southern California, your sunscreen. The average daily temperature for San Antonio in April is 80 degrees. The record high in April was 101 degrees, set back in 1996. As for that sunscreen, I would not be expecting much rain. San Antonio averages only 2.6 inches of rain during the month of April.
For all of you Bruin fans looking for something to do on Sunday between UCLA games (or if you're a Memphis fan waiting for an afternoon flight home), San Antonio's "Hot Spot" is the River Walk, which works its way through Downtown San Antonio and has many restaurants and bars for you to celebrate (or drown your sorrows) at. If drinking is not your thing (though, you probably don't read GameTime, TBD© then), there is also SeaWorld San Antonio, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and the Fairmont Hotel (built in 1906, the Fairmont stands as one of the heaviest buildings ever moved intact . . . in 1985 it was moved over four days to its current location 3 blocks south of The Alamo for the bargain price of only $650k). Unfortunately, with the Final Four being played at the Alamodome, the San Antonio Spurs will be playing at the Portland Trail Blazers, so I am unable to list Evan Longoria (not to be mistaken with Tampa Bay Rays' prospect Eva Longoria) as a local attraction. If your name is Matt Leinart, and for some reason you are reading GameTime, TBD©, I would like to let you know that your local attractions are likely to be found at the University of Texas at San Antonio or Trinity University (and I hear that ITT Tech and University of Phoenix have some hot co-eds at their San Antonio campuses, so check them out too Matty).
If you are lucky, maybe you will be able to spot one of San Antonio's finest (Henry Cisneros, Alberto Gonzalez, Oliver North, and Tommy Lee Jones), or their FINEST (Lara Flynn Boyle . . . oh wait, it turns out she's just married to some San Antonio businessman . . . but I feel like that's enough, don't you?), at the Final Four. I mean, it is not very likely that they will just give up their seats to you and you will end up in a picture in Sports Illustrated, but you never know (right Jimbo?).
So there you have it; everything you need to know about the great city of San Antonio. Well, actually, I cannot say I have ever actually been to San Antonio, but it seems great. Mostly I am just hoping that everyone gets to see the Bruins play twice in San Antonio. Thankfully Florida is not around this year, but my friends all say that if John Calipari were smart (which, thankfully, he's not), he would pay for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, Corey Brewer, and Taurean Green to come sit courtside during the UCLA/Memphis game on Saturday (tip off at 6:07 EST). You can rest assured that I will securely glued to my couch by then with all throwable objects moved a safe distance away.
I hope all you travelers have a safe and fun trip to San Antonio, regardless of which team you are rooting for. But if you are not having a good time, do not bother me, I will be busy celebrating the UCLA Bruins' 12th National Championship.
For starters, San Antonio is the second largest city in all of Texas, and the seventh largest city in the United States (of America . . . if you were confused and thought you might be headed to a foreign country). Located in Bexar county, San Antonio is "in the northern part of South Texas" (I am a little confused here . . . when did we split Texas into two states? I just counted and there are still only 50 stars on the American Flag. Did we revoke someone's statehood? I bet it was New Jersey. Stupid public school/pricey-private-college education . . . a lot of good you did me).
What is now San Antonio was originally a Coahuiltecan Indian village until Spain sent missionaries to colonize the native people some 300 years ago. In 1718, the Franciscans constructed a mission, San Antonio de Valero, to convert, educate, and serve as the economic core for the settlement. In 1731, Spain sent settlers from the Canary Islands to further establish their colonial presence and over the next few years, built four more missions along the river. A lack of military support and raids by neighboring Comanche and Apaches weakened Spain's control of the original mission and, in 1794, Mission San Antonia de Valero was secularized and became a Spanish military installation . . . a little place people like to call The Alamo.
You might remember The Alamo from its leading roll in the critically acclaimed performance of the Texas Revolution. It was not but 170 years ago (1836), that 189 Texas fighters (wait, we had war planes in 1836?) held off Antonia Lopez de Santa Anna and his 4,000-plus lackies for 13 days. Most famous among them was, of course, Davy Crockett, a great American folk hero and the owner of a very fancy Double Tree resort and vineyard in Santa Barbara, California where my sister and brother-in-law held their wedding reception. He has aged quite well for having been born sometime around 1786 and does not show much evidence of "dying" at the Battle of the Alamo.
When packing for your trip, do not forget to pack your shorts and, if you are not cool enough to live in Southern California, your sunscreen. The average daily temperature for San Antonio in April is 80 degrees. The record high in April was 101 degrees, set back in 1996. As for that sunscreen, I would not be expecting much rain. San Antonio averages only 2.6 inches of rain during the month of April.
For all of you Bruin fans looking for something to do on Sunday between UCLA games (or if you're a Memphis fan waiting for an afternoon flight home), San Antonio's "Hot Spot" is the River Walk, which works its way through Downtown San Antonio and has many restaurants and bars for you to celebrate (or drown your sorrows) at. If drinking is not your thing (though, you probably don't read GameTime, TBD© then), there is also SeaWorld San Antonio, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and the Fairmont Hotel (built in 1906, the Fairmont stands as one of the heaviest buildings ever moved intact . . . in 1985 it was moved over four days to its current location 3 blocks south of The Alamo for the bargain price of only $650k). Unfortunately, with the Final Four being played at the Alamodome, the San Antonio Spurs will be playing at the Portland Trail Blazers, so I am unable to list Evan Longoria (not to be mistaken with Tampa Bay Rays' prospect Eva Longoria) as a local attraction. If your name is Matt Leinart, and for some reason you are reading GameTime, TBD©, I would like to let you know that your local attractions are likely to be found at the University of Texas at San Antonio or Trinity University (and I hear that ITT Tech and University of Phoenix have some hot co-eds at their San Antonio campuses, so check them out too Matty).
If you are lucky, maybe you will be able to spot one of San Antonio's finest (Henry Cisneros, Alberto Gonzalez, Oliver North, and Tommy Lee Jones), or their FINEST (Lara Flynn Boyle . . . oh wait, it turns out she's just married to some San Antonio businessman . . . but I feel like that's enough, don't you?), at the Final Four. I mean, it is not very likely that they will just give up their seats to you and you will end up in a picture in Sports Illustrated, but you never know (right Jimbo?).
So there you have it; everything you need to know about the great city of San Antonio. Well, actually, I cannot say I have ever actually been to San Antonio, but it seems great. Mostly I am just hoping that everyone gets to see the Bruins play twice in San Antonio. Thankfully Florida is not around this year, but my friends all say that if John Calipari were smart (which, thankfully, he's not), he would pay for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, Corey Brewer, and Taurean Green to come sit courtside during the UCLA/Memphis game on Saturday (tip off at 6:07 EST). You can rest assured that I will securely glued to my couch by then with all throwable objects moved a safe distance away.
I hope all you travelers have a safe and fun trip to San Antonio, regardless of which team you are rooting for. But if you are not having a good time, do not bother me, I will be busy celebrating the UCLA Bruins' 12th National Championship.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Bracket Bust(er)s
Well, it is Wednesday, March 19, 2008, and that can only mean two things: (1) I have been getting writing cramps in my hand from all the brackets I have been filling out, and (b) tomorrow marks the beginning of a three week lull in my productivity with a corresponding three week bump in GameTime, TBD© activity. If you are anything like me, you have probably entered four or five different pools (maybe more . . .) by now. You have probably read analysis from the so-called "experts", tracked all of their picks, and taken a peak at the Las Vegas Sports Consultants rankings, all in a quest to determine this years NCAA champion (sorry to burst your bubble, it's going to be UCLA . . . change your brackets while you still can).
There is no denying that filling out a bracket takes both time and energy. Every game creates new match-up issues and raises new questions. The answers, we have been led to believe, lies in the quality of the talent a school is able to put on the floor. Most, if not all, of you pick your brackets in this manner. For as long as I can remember, I have been guilty of using this method, and do you know where it got me? Absolutely nowhere; in the past few years I have won this many pools . . . if you were sitting next to me right now you would see I am holding up a goose egg. Do not get me wrong, I have had my share of second place finishes but I cannot recall ever winning.
So, as I started looking at my empty brackets, the various teams, and all the potential match-ups, the light finally went on. The key is not the talent a school puts on the court, but the “talent” a school puts off the court. You heard me right; my bracket for the 2008 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament will not be picked based on the players on the court, but the cheer/dance teams patrolling the sidelines.
As I began my initial research, I discovered that the strides made by the mid-major conferences on the court have not been matched by corresponding strides off the court. It all fits. A mid-major might get one or two hotties on the sideline sufficient to make a miracle run to the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, but they will never have a full squad able to match that of a powerhouse and that, my friends, is why a mid-major will never win a championship.
By now I am sure you are all dying to know just how my bracket played out and do not want to disappoint my avid readers. So, without further ado, I present to you GameTime, TBD©’s official NCAA bracket, played out by the real “talent”:
EAST REGION
The East region features four of the most prolific scoring teams in the nation and I am willing to wager their cheer/dance teams do not have much trouble scoring either. The top-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels have a group of girls that easily get them past play-in game winner Mt. St. Mary’s and second round opponent Arkansas, who easily defeated an Indiana squad that gave me nightmares during last years tournament and did nothing to improve this year (though, it turns out Indiana has two squads, one of which is called the “Cream Squad” . . . this was almost good enough to get them into the second round . . . but then the memories came rushing back).
North Carolina’s Sweet 16 opponent is Notre Dame, who easily defeats 2006 Cinderella, George Mason, in one of the most lopsided 5-12 match-ups in the history of the tournament. Notre Dame’s second round opponent, Washington State, is no match for the Fighting Irish’s blondes (if you know me, you know I’m partial to those petite blondes); those Pullman winters have taken a toll on the Cougs. North Carolina seemingly has the game in hand by halftime, but the second half tells a different story. The Notre Dame cheerleading squads take to the sideline in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms and it is game, set, match. The Irish dance their way to the Elite 8.
With a trip to the Final Four on the line, Notre Dame’s Elite 8 opponent is Tennessee. After breezing by American (who I don’t even think has a team) in the first round, Tennessee’s quantity and quality easily handle a surprisingly strong South Alabama, who upsets Butler in the first round. In the Sweet 16, Tennessee runs into the National Champion squads from Louisville. Louisville easily defeats Boise State and Oklahoma (first and second round respectively) on reputation alone, setting up this powerhouse match-up with Tennessee. In what turns out to be one of the closest games in the entire tournament, this one comes down to the last shot. Ultimately, Louisville’s reliance on the three-ball (blondes, brunettes, and red heads) proves to be its Achilles heel and Tennessee advances.
The Tennessee/Notre Dame Elite 8 match-up, hyped by most experts as the game to determine the eventual national champion, turns out to be a dud. Poor planning on the part of the selection committee forces Notre Dame to play their Elite 8 game on a Sunday. Half of their cheerleading squad, being the good Catholic girls they are, opts to attend mass instead of the game. With a depleted squad, Notre Dame is no match for the deep bench of Tennessee, your East Region champion.
MIDWEST REGION
In an attempt to prove their run to the ACC championship game was no fluke, Clemson University comes out blazing in the Midwest region. As it turns out, the Midwest is the easiest, and most controversial, region in the entire tournament and Clemson dances it way to the Final Four.
Although most experts believe Clemson will fall victim to the 5-12 upset, their three squads have no problem leading the Tigers to victory over Villanova. Clemson also easily handles Vanderbilt, who barely survived an upset scare at the hands of Siena in the first round. While preparing for a potential match-up against Kansas in the Sweet 16, Clemson gets a pleasant surprise: Kansas becomes the first top seed eliminated when it is upset by UNLV, led by their “Rebel Girl” dance team. UNLV (and its group of future strippers . . . more on that in a minute) easily runs by Kent State in the first round (I didn’t even bother researching their team once I saw the UNLV squads) and then catches Kansas on an “off” night, beating the high-scoring Jayhawks at their own game.
With a trip to the Elite 8 on the line, the Clemson/UNLV game is over before it began. An anonymous tip to the NCAA Infractions Committee reveals that several of the UNLV Rebel Girls have already signed with an agent in preparation for the upcoming Las Vegas Strip Club Entry Draft (as it turns out, UNLV has several potential lottery picks on their squads). This development leaves UNLV down a third of their squad and the proper southern girls of the Clemson squad help the Tigers easily advance to the Elite 8; class always beats trash.
Clemson’s opponent in the Elite 8 is the first of three Cinderella stories in this year’s tournament: Kansas State. Kansas State’s first round opponent, USC, has always underachieved when it comes to spirit squads, and their basketball team shall do the same. I have been on that campus far too many times and am intimately aware of their “talent pool.” The fact that they cannot field a decent (or smart) squad year-in and year-out is a disappointment. KSU’s squad, showing off its “diversity”, handles Wisconsin [whose one decent looking (after two beers) cheerleader is (surprisingly) enough to squeak the Badgers by Cal State Fullerton] in the second round. Kansas State also has no problem dispatching of Davidson in Sweet 16.
Davidson was the beneficiary of the first ever second round bye after both UMBC and potential champion Georgetown were disqualified during their first-round match-up. UMBC looked to be in strong position to pull off the 15-2 upset (ala Richmond over Syracuse) when it was discovered that Georgetown was masquerading the Georgetown College cheer squad as its own. Unfortunately, UMBC’s superstar (middle row, far right) was unable to contain her “assets” and her Janet Jackson moment results in their disqualification as well. While Davidson’s lone star is able to handle Gonzaga, the bye is not enough to help them get past Kansas State.
Like all fairy tales, however, Kansas State’s Cinderella run comes to an abrupt end in the most lopsided Elite 8 game of the tournament. No matter what Kansas State throws at Clemson, the Tigers quality and depth is just too much for KSU and they punch their ticket to San Antonio.
SOUTH REGION
The Memphis Tigers complained all season long that they were not getting enough respect. The University of Oregon shows them why they never deserved it. After being one of the last few teams to make the tournament, the Ducks become one of the greatest Cinderella stories in NCAA history. The South also becomes the most memorable region by having the only game actually decided by the basketball teams. The 3-14 match-up of Stanford and Cornell, which will forever be known as the “hoofer” game (you’ll thank me later for the lack of thinks here), is played in an empty arena. Stanford advances in what turns out to be a good basketball game
Two days after nearly becoming the first one seed to lose to a sixteen seed (UT-Arlington? Really?), Memphis is steamrolled by the hottest squad in the Pac-10 (the best conference in the nation . . . you would know this if you owned a computer Billy Packer). Oregon’s first round game against Mississippi State was over before it began, and Oregon completes the most impressive three-game stretch in tournament history with a dismantling of Michigan State in the Sweet 16. The Spartans had been riding high after a tight victory over Temple (in the closest game of the opening round) and a much easier match-up against Pittsburgh in the second round. Unfortunately, the Spartans dance team is no match for the mighty Ducks.
Things get tough for the Ducks in the Elite 8, however, where they run into the Texas Longhorns. Texas has an equally dominating run to the Elite 8. There is no threat of a 15-2 upset here as Texas routs Austin Peay in, perhaps, the most lopsided game in tournament history. The second round is not much different as Texas simply overpowers St. Mary’s (who pulled off a surprising victory over Miami in the first round thanks to a strong showing by its two stars) with its size. Texas continues it roll, as the three Longhorn squads easily outlast Marquette’s triple threat in the Sweet 16. Marquette’s magical run ends after beating Kentucky in the opening round (if only Ashley Judd was a Wildcat cheerleader) and being the beneficiary of playing Stanford in the second round (see above).
With a trip to San Antonio on the line, Texas and Oregon square off in the most memorable (and visually appealing) game of the tournament. Forty minutes is not enough time for this one to be decided. In the end, the Ducks prove what all knowledgeable college sports fans already know, the West Coast is stronger than any “expert” gives them credit for and the Pac-10 truly is the best conference in the land. Oregon’s Cinderella run continues.
WEST REGION
There is always one region in the tournament that sees most of the higher seeds fall early on; this year, it is the West Region. Tenth-ranked Arizona, eleventh-ranked Baylor, twelfth-ranked Western Kentucky, thirteenth-ranked San Diego, fourteenth-ranked Georgia, and fifteenth-ranked Belmont (Duke has never been known for its ladies and Belmont has a surprisingly cute team . . . Duke sucks!) all pull off opening-round upsets. UCLA and BYU are the only higher seeds to advance and they are forced to square off in the second round.
Once UCLA gets past BYU in the second round (I would have expected more out the Mormons, who usually put forth strong squads), it is smooth sailing to the Final Four for the Bruins. Western Kentucky is a one hit wonder, falling to San Diego in the second round, but the Toreros’ magic run comes to an end against UCLA in the Sweet 16. Unfortunately for the Bruins, a familiar foe awaits them.
With Duke out of the picture (did I mention Duke sucks?), and the prospect of playing the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 on a near-home court, Arizona finally shows it is the team we always expected it to be. While Belmont’s “cute” team might have been enough to get past Duke (seriously though, Duke sucks), elite “talent” is needed to get past the Wildcats. Elite “talent” is something Belmont lacks, and they fall to Arizona in the second round. Arizona’s Sweet 16 opponent, Georgia, is a bit of an anomaly. The Bulldogs were hit-and-miss during the regular season, winning only four games in the SEC, but then they matched that total with a stunning four-game run in the SEC tournament. While a hit-and-miss squad might be enough to get past Xavier and Baylor, consistency is needed to take down Arizona, especially in Phoenix.
With Arizona and UCLA squaring off for the West region championship, the Pac-10 is guaranteed two teams in the Final Four. Unfortunately for Arizona, local knowledge is not enough to get past the Bruins, who are playing at the top of their game. With their new superstar, UCLA is just too much for Arizona. UCLA is able to keep the tempo to its liking and our new star makes a case for the Most Outstanding Player award. It is three in a row for the Bruins; San Antonio, here we come.
FINAL FOUR
A controversial tournament only gets more controversial when half the Oregon squad is declared ineligible after testing positive for performance “enhancers”.
While the media and “experts” sit around and declare UCLA the “luckiest team in the history of college basketball,” Tennessee and Clemson meet in one of the most memorable Final Four games in recent history. When you get this deep into the tournament, experience is key, and that is what Tennessee has (at least just from the look of things . . . ZING!). In the second semifinal match-up, a demoralized Ducks squad puts its best foot forward, and it is still a pretty good foot. While half of Oregon’s squad may be good enough to beat any other school, UCLA, led again by the Most Outstanding Player, is just too much. Oregon keeps it close for thirty minutes, but falls short in the end and UCLA advances to its second championship game in the last three years.
With the championship on the line, UCLA and Tennessee are too good to be affected by the quality of the sideline “talent” (unless, of course, Erin Andrews is there . . . right Bruce?) Darren Collison, Russell Westbrook, and Kevin Love show everyone just how good a team that wins the Pac-10 regular season and tournament titles is; UCLA is bringing number twelve back to Westwood.
You heard it here first.
There is no denying that filling out a bracket takes both time and energy. Every game creates new match-up issues and raises new questions. The answers, we have been led to believe, lies in the quality of the talent a school is able to put on the floor. Most, if not all, of you pick your brackets in this manner. For as long as I can remember, I have been guilty of using this method, and do you know where it got me? Absolutely nowhere; in the past few years I have won this many pools . . . if you were sitting next to me right now you would see I am holding up a goose egg. Do not get me wrong, I have had my share of second place finishes but I cannot recall ever winning.
So, as I started looking at my empty brackets, the various teams, and all the potential match-ups, the light finally went on. The key is not the talent a school puts on the court, but the “talent” a school puts off the court. You heard me right; my bracket for the 2008 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament will not be picked based on the players on the court, but the cheer/dance teams patrolling the sidelines.
As I began my initial research, I discovered that the strides made by the mid-major conferences on the court have not been matched by corresponding strides off the court. It all fits. A mid-major might get one or two hotties on the sideline sufficient to make a miracle run to the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, but they will never have a full squad able to match that of a powerhouse and that, my friends, is why a mid-major will never win a championship.
By now I am sure you are all dying to know just how my bracket played out and do not want to disappoint my avid readers. So, without further ado, I present to you GameTime, TBD©’s official NCAA bracket, played out by the real “talent”:
EAST REGION
The East region features four of the most prolific scoring teams in the nation and I am willing to wager their cheer/dance teams do not have much trouble scoring either. The top-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels have a group of girls that easily get them past play-in game winner Mt. St. Mary’s and second round opponent Arkansas, who easily defeated an Indiana squad that gave me nightmares during last years tournament and did nothing to improve this year (though, it turns out Indiana has two squads, one of which is called the “Cream Squad” . . . this was almost good enough to get them into the second round . . . but then the memories came rushing back).
North Carolina’s Sweet 16 opponent is Notre Dame, who easily defeats 2006 Cinderella, George Mason, in one of the most lopsided 5-12 match-ups in the history of the tournament. Notre Dame’s second round opponent, Washington State, is no match for the Fighting Irish’s blondes (if you know me, you know I’m partial to those petite blondes); those Pullman winters have taken a toll on the Cougs. North Carolina seemingly has the game in hand by halftime, but the second half tells a different story. The Notre Dame cheerleading squads take to the sideline in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms and it is game, set, match. The Irish dance their way to the Elite 8.
With a trip to the Final Four on the line, Notre Dame’s Elite 8 opponent is Tennessee. After breezing by American (who I don’t even think has a team) in the first round, Tennessee’s quantity and quality easily handle a surprisingly strong South Alabama, who upsets Butler in the first round. In the Sweet 16, Tennessee runs into the National Champion squads from Louisville. Louisville easily defeats Boise State and Oklahoma (first and second round respectively) on reputation alone, setting up this powerhouse match-up with Tennessee. In what turns out to be one of the closest games in the entire tournament, this one comes down to the last shot. Ultimately, Louisville’s reliance on the three-ball (blondes, brunettes, and red heads) proves to be its Achilles heel and Tennessee advances.
The Tennessee/Notre Dame Elite 8 match-up, hyped by most experts as the game to determine the eventual national champion, turns out to be a dud. Poor planning on the part of the selection committee forces Notre Dame to play their Elite 8 game on a Sunday. Half of their cheerleading squad, being the good Catholic girls they are, opts to attend mass instead of the game. With a depleted squad, Notre Dame is no match for the deep bench of Tennessee, your East Region champion.
MIDWEST REGION
In an attempt to prove their run to the ACC championship game was no fluke, Clemson University comes out blazing in the Midwest region. As it turns out, the Midwest is the easiest, and most controversial, region in the entire tournament and Clemson dances it way to the Final Four.
Although most experts believe Clemson will fall victim to the 5-12 upset, their three squads have no problem leading the Tigers to victory over Villanova. Clemson also easily handles Vanderbilt, who barely survived an upset scare at the hands of Siena in the first round. While preparing for a potential match-up against Kansas in the Sweet 16, Clemson gets a pleasant surprise: Kansas becomes the first top seed eliminated when it is upset by UNLV, led by their “Rebel Girl” dance team. UNLV (and its group of future strippers . . . more on that in a minute) easily runs by Kent State in the first round (I didn’t even bother researching their team once I saw the UNLV squads) and then catches Kansas on an “off” night, beating the high-scoring Jayhawks at their own game.
With a trip to the Elite 8 on the line, the Clemson/UNLV game is over before it began. An anonymous tip to the NCAA Infractions Committee reveals that several of the UNLV Rebel Girls have already signed with an agent in preparation for the upcoming Las Vegas Strip Club Entry Draft (as it turns out, UNLV has several potential lottery picks on their squads). This development leaves UNLV down a third of their squad and the proper southern girls of the Clemson squad help the Tigers easily advance to the Elite 8; class always beats trash.
Clemson’s opponent in the Elite 8 is the first of three Cinderella stories in this year’s tournament: Kansas State. Kansas State’s first round opponent, USC, has always underachieved when it comes to spirit squads, and their basketball team shall do the same. I have been on that campus far too many times and am intimately aware of their “talent pool.” The fact that they cannot field a decent (or smart) squad year-in and year-out is a disappointment. KSU’s squad, showing off its “diversity”, handles Wisconsin [whose one decent looking (after two beers) cheerleader is (surprisingly) enough to squeak the Badgers by Cal State Fullerton] in the second round. Kansas State also has no problem dispatching of Davidson in Sweet 16.
Davidson was the beneficiary of the first ever second round bye after both UMBC and potential champion Georgetown were disqualified during their first-round match-up. UMBC looked to be in strong position to pull off the 15-2 upset (ala Richmond over Syracuse) when it was discovered that Georgetown was masquerading the Georgetown College cheer squad as its own. Unfortunately, UMBC’s superstar (middle row, far right) was unable to contain her “assets” and her Janet Jackson moment results in their disqualification as well. While Davidson’s lone star is able to handle Gonzaga, the bye is not enough to help them get past Kansas State.
Like all fairy tales, however, Kansas State’s Cinderella run comes to an abrupt end in the most lopsided Elite 8 game of the tournament. No matter what Kansas State throws at Clemson, the Tigers quality and depth is just too much for KSU and they punch their ticket to San Antonio.
SOUTH REGION
The Memphis Tigers complained all season long that they were not getting enough respect. The University of Oregon shows them why they never deserved it. After being one of the last few teams to make the tournament, the Ducks become one of the greatest Cinderella stories in NCAA history. The South also becomes the most memorable region by having the only game actually decided by the basketball teams. The 3-14 match-up of Stanford and Cornell, which will forever be known as the “hoofer” game (you’ll thank me later for the lack of thinks here), is played in an empty arena. Stanford advances in what turns out to be a good basketball game
Two days after nearly becoming the first one seed to lose to a sixteen seed (UT-Arlington? Really?), Memphis is steamrolled by the hottest squad in the Pac-10 (the best conference in the nation . . . you would know this if you owned a computer Billy Packer). Oregon’s first round game against Mississippi State was over before it began, and Oregon completes the most impressive three-game stretch in tournament history with a dismantling of Michigan State in the Sweet 16. The Spartans had been riding high after a tight victory over Temple (in the closest game of the opening round) and a much easier match-up against Pittsburgh in the second round. Unfortunately, the Spartans dance team is no match for the mighty Ducks.
Things get tough for the Ducks in the Elite 8, however, where they run into the Texas Longhorns. Texas has an equally dominating run to the Elite 8. There is no threat of a 15-2 upset here as Texas routs Austin Peay in, perhaps, the most lopsided game in tournament history. The second round is not much different as Texas simply overpowers St. Mary’s (who pulled off a surprising victory over Miami in the first round thanks to a strong showing by its two stars) with its size. Texas continues it roll, as the three Longhorn squads easily outlast Marquette’s triple threat in the Sweet 16. Marquette’s magical run ends after beating Kentucky in the opening round (if only Ashley Judd was a Wildcat cheerleader) and being the beneficiary of playing Stanford in the second round (see above).
With a trip to San Antonio on the line, Texas and Oregon square off in the most memorable (and visually appealing) game of the tournament. Forty minutes is not enough time for this one to be decided. In the end, the Ducks prove what all knowledgeable college sports fans already know, the West Coast is stronger than any “expert” gives them credit for and the Pac-10 truly is the best conference in the land. Oregon’s Cinderella run continues.
WEST REGION
There is always one region in the tournament that sees most of the higher seeds fall early on; this year, it is the West Region. Tenth-ranked Arizona, eleventh-ranked Baylor, twelfth-ranked Western Kentucky, thirteenth-ranked San Diego, fourteenth-ranked Georgia, and fifteenth-ranked Belmont (Duke has never been known for its ladies and Belmont has a surprisingly cute team . . . Duke sucks!) all pull off opening-round upsets. UCLA and BYU are the only higher seeds to advance and they are forced to square off in the second round.
Once UCLA gets past BYU in the second round (I would have expected more out the Mormons, who usually put forth strong squads), it is smooth sailing to the Final Four for the Bruins. Western Kentucky is a one hit wonder, falling to San Diego in the second round, but the Toreros’ magic run comes to an end against UCLA in the Sweet 16. Unfortunately for the Bruins, a familiar foe awaits them.
With Duke out of the picture (did I mention Duke sucks?), and the prospect of playing the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 on a near-home court, Arizona finally shows it is the team we always expected it to be. While Belmont’s “cute” team might have been enough to get past Duke (seriously though, Duke sucks), elite “talent” is needed to get past the Wildcats. Elite “talent” is something Belmont lacks, and they fall to Arizona in the second round. Arizona’s Sweet 16 opponent, Georgia, is a bit of an anomaly. The Bulldogs were hit-and-miss during the regular season, winning only four games in the SEC, but then they matched that total with a stunning four-game run in the SEC tournament. While a hit-and-miss squad might be enough to get past Xavier and Baylor, consistency is needed to take down Arizona, especially in Phoenix.
With Arizona and UCLA squaring off for the West region championship, the Pac-10 is guaranteed two teams in the Final Four. Unfortunately for Arizona, local knowledge is not enough to get past the Bruins, who are playing at the top of their game. With their new superstar, UCLA is just too much for Arizona. UCLA is able to keep the tempo to its liking and our new star makes a case for the Most Outstanding Player award. It is three in a row for the Bruins; San Antonio, here we come.
FINAL FOUR
A controversial tournament only gets more controversial when half the Oregon squad is declared ineligible after testing positive for performance “enhancers”.
While the media and “experts” sit around and declare UCLA the “luckiest team in the history of college basketball,” Tennessee and Clemson meet in one of the most memorable Final Four games in recent history. When you get this deep into the tournament, experience is key, and that is what Tennessee has (at least just from the look of things . . . ZING!). In the second semifinal match-up, a demoralized Ducks squad puts its best foot forward, and it is still a pretty good foot. While half of Oregon’s squad may be good enough to beat any other school, UCLA, led again by the Most Outstanding Player, is just too much. Oregon keeps it close for thirty minutes, but falls short in the end and UCLA advances to its second championship game in the last three years.
With the championship on the line, UCLA and Tennessee are too good to be affected by the quality of the sideline “talent” (unless, of course, Erin Andrews is there . . . right Bruce?) Darren Collison, Russell Westbrook, and Kevin Love show everyone just how good a team that wins the Pac-10 regular season and tournament titles is; UCLA is bringing number twelve back to Westwood.
You heard it here first.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Working Towards the Weekend
As the clock quickly works its way towards the end of the week and "Selection Sunday", three things are apparent: (1) I am uber-excited for this years tournament (is that really any different from previous years?); (b) only an absolute hose job by the selection committee will keep UCLA from a number 1 seed out west; and (iii) Elliot Spitzer has a lot more time now to share with his high-price "escorts" (ba-zing!).
In any other year, I would say that this Sunday kicks off the best three-week stretch of the year, but I am getting married in August and spending two weeks in Tahiti on my honeymoon. So, for 2008, March Madness will have to settle for the second-best three-week stretch of the year (read: my Better Half is the most devoted GameTime, TBD©
With my Better Half spending St. Patrick's Day weekend in Vegas for a bachelorette party (not hers), I have plans for a weekend packed full of basketball, green beer, a fantasy baseball draft, and brackets (apparently I am also supposed to clean the apartment and put together that bookcase we bought two weeks ago, but that doesn't sound quite as enjoyable). To help you get to your weekend plans a little sooner, here are somethings you might have missed:
In any other year, I would say that this Sunday kicks off the best three-week stretch of the year, but I am getting married in August and spending two weeks in Tahiti on my honeymoon. So, for 2008, March Madness will have to settle for the second-best three-week stretch of the year (read: my Better Half is the most devoted GameTime, TBD©
With my Better Half spending St. Patrick's Day weekend in Vegas for a bachelorette party (not hers), I have plans for a weekend packed full of basketball, green beer, a fantasy baseball draft, and brackets (apparently I am also supposed to clean the apartment and put together that bookcase we bought two weeks ago, but that doesn't sound quite as enjoyable). To help you get to your weekend plans a little sooner, here are somethings you might have missed:
- CBS would like you to enjoy Billy Packer for the 34th consecutive year . . . proving once again that CBS has no clue what their viewers want (read: give us more Gus Johnson).
- And what fun would March Madness be without Joakim Noah making a fool of himself?
- If you missed out on the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards twenty-plus years ago and are still bitter, please raise your hand.
- Dear Mr. Costas, we here at GameTime, TBD© are extremely insulted by your comments. How dare you lump us together with people from Albuquerque.
- Bud Selig is living proof that it pays (well) to run baseball into the ground.
- She better feel obligated to put out on their first date; that is way nicer than a dinner at Chili's. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not believe a woman should ever feel obligated to "put out" . . . on the first date . . . but it sure is nice when you do.]
- Woman shows "de facto husband" who The Boss is by stabbing him to death because he hates Springsteen. [editor's note: she won't be putting out on any first dates for a while.]
- Abraham and his amazing, Technicolor $5 bill.
- If you are one of the people out there who think this mother put her child in danger, GameTime, TBD© is officially revoking your right to think. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not actually believe we have the power to revoke your right to think, we're just drunk on the power of the "editor's note" today.]
- When dance-offs go horribly wrong . . . with mascots.
- Only in Canada.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Back in Business
And we are back! I know things have been dark over here at GameTime, TBD© for a couple of weeks, and I apologize. Unfortunately, I am only one man and so, when my firm sent me off to the (deep) South for two weeks, I was unable to fulfill my editorial duties. While I had fully intended to drop one of my famous "Top 10" lists on you today (I saw a man die in a casino in Biloxi, Mississippi while he was playing Blackjack . . . I can't make this stuff up . . . remind me never to die in casino, it's surreal), but I went to the UCLA basketball game last night and this happened. Not that I necessarily needed reminding, but March Madness has arrived, and its arrival means GameTime, TBD© will be in overdrive for the next month as the Bruins set out in search of their 12th NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship.
March Madness also means the return of my favorite announcer of all time, Gus Johnson, but that is for a later date. Right now I have got to bear down and get ready for all of the conference tournaments next week. I have got to discover which mid-major school has the best shot of making a run in the "Big Dance" because I do not want to get beat by my Better Half in our family's NCAA Tournament Pool. So while I go looking for next week's schedule . . . er . . . I mean work . . . here are some things you might have missed this week:
March Madness also means the return of my favorite announcer of all time, Gus Johnson, but that is for a later date. Right now I have got to bear down and get ready for all of the conference tournaments next week. I have got to discover which mid-major school has the best shot of making a run in the "Big Dance" because I do not want to get beat by my Better Half in our family's NCAA Tournament Pool. So while I go looking for next week's schedule . . . er . . . I mean work . . . here are some things you might have missed this week:
- The uprising against the evil four-letter empire continues; keep fighting the good fight (oh, and I still love Dan Patrick)!
- While avoiding the obvious pun, hitting golf balls at a rare bird is not the brightest of ideas.
- Did you known there was going to be an All-American Football League? Apparently you were not alone.
- Apparently the legal system works a little differently in Japan.
- I think it is time for Brazil to rethink their legal education system.
- I will be the first to admit that my break-ups have not always been the classiest, but I think this one may out class them all.
- Another week, another Britney Spears pregnancy rumor. White-trash-redneck trifecta now in play.
- At 23 years of age, I was in my first year of law school.
- Apparently French women are the new sexual predators. Their secret weapon? Body odor.
- Streaking never ends well for the streaker, especially during cricket matches (warning: pale man ass and a possible junk sighting).
- This video is NOT for the faint of heart. If you believe it is normal for a leg to bend like that, find out if the skier enjoyed having his lower leg amputated (I barely got through this one).
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