Rise and FIRE!

Can you smell that?  The sweet, sweet aroma of March Madness is in the air.

That is right, the productivity of American workers is slowly grinding to a halt as we are a mere twenty-three hours away from the tip-off of the NCAA Tournament.  Okay, so I guess the Tournament technically started last night, but let us be honest, no one is really counting these play-in "first" round games as part of the tournament.  Chances are you, like me, have joined one or two (or twenty) pools and did not even have to pick the first four games unless you expected one of the teams to advance past their next opponent.

More importantly, this means over the next two days we all get to pretend we are actually working while, in actuality, we are following the games from the (dis)comfort of our desk chairs.  I mean, if unrest in the Middle East and a potential nuclear meltdown in Japan can not stop Obama from filing out a bracket for ESPN, who are we expected to focus on normal work?  Some of you are doing the smart thing and just taking the two days off, or maybe just Friday.  Heck, even my Better Half said she was considering taking Friday as a sick day so she could stay home, watch the games, and BBM-trash talk me about how her bracket is better than mine.  I mean, if the Tournament is going to get her to ditch work, it has to make you consider just how important it is.

But that also made the Chief realize that that makes today practically Friday.  So he sent up the GameTime, TBD© signal and called for a special, Tournament edition of the Link Dump. When you think about it, it makes sense.  I mean, we are even closing up shop early on Friday to head to Vegas to catch some of the action.  Thankfully, part of the GameTime, TBD© family is headed out first thing tomorrow morning, so we will have legal action on all of the Thursday and Friday games.

Now, we were very tempted to dedicate this entire Link Dump to the greatness that is Gus Johnson, since Gus Johnson and the NCAA Tournament go hand-and-hand.  But as it turns out, there is actually some other Tournament-related news out there that we thought you might enjoy and some non-Gus Johnson related videos from the week that should help make your Hump Day [Editor's Note: Hey-OH] go by a little faster.  But rest assured, our dear readers, that there is plenty of Gus Johnson to go around:

• I will get this out the way: Gus Johnson is the voice of March.
• Jimmer Fredette is wildly popular in the New York prison system . . . wait, what?
• If you are finding it difficult to make bracket number thirty-seven seem different from bracket twenty-three, here are some strategies to help you out.
• A look at March Madness by the numbers.  Congratulations to you on being part of the 8.4 million.
• Speaking of "by the numbers", here is a bracket filed out using the median salary of graduates from each of the teams.
• There is nothing like a good drinking game to help ensure you are passed out by the late games.

Of course, around this time of year every website and their mother runs their own gimmicky NCAA-style bracket.  If you have not noticed, Esquire is picking the "Sexiest Woman Alive" (even though last October they declared Minka Kelly the sexiest woman alive . . . did I miss something? Is Minka dead? Was she severely disfigured in a horrific acid accident in the last 5 months?) and Spike is helping Captain Morgan find the "Ultimate Morganette" from a pool of only the "classiest" of ladies.  Attractive women NCAA-style brackets are a dime a dozen this time of year.  So we thought we would draw your attention to some other notable brackets:

• Black Lab, FTW!
• I am not positive, but I do not think this will really be much of a competition.

And then there are the videos.  Oh, the videos.  Let us face it, there is nothing quite like a Gus Johnson-called dramatic ending.  And while listening alone is fun, watching is even better.  But do not fear, we have not gone with a complete tribute to Gus Johnson because not even March Madness can stop funny things from happening:

• Like everything great in life, even the NCAA Tournament ends with a montage, every year, always to "One Shining Moment".  So here you go, fifteen years of "One Shining Moment".
• "Sorrentine . . . FROM THE PARKING LOT!"
• "Heart. Break. City."  Yes, it is the greatest 40.8 seconds in NCAA-tournament history (I might be biased), and it was called by G.J.
• Not convinced? Here is how it looked from UCLA's band section.  How has someone not mixed this with Johnson's call yet?
• While we are certain to have many memorable fan reactions during this year's Tournament, it may be tough to match this.
• The best anti-bullying PSA? Looks to me like a perfect visual representation of a one-versus-sixteen match-up.  [Editor's Note: all kidding aside, it's time parents start taking some initiative and talk to their kids about bullying.  For the record, that's the bullier getting the short end of the stick.]
• It is about this time of year that a guy figures out just how great his significant other is.  Hopefully you chose wisely.  [Editor's Note: like me!]
• Worried that the NCAA Tournament is going to take its toll on your Diet? Jimmy K is here to help!

We hope you enjoy the NCAA Tournament and we wish you the best luck in all of your pools or with all the action you decide to lay . . . and also your bets.  Ba-ZING!

There's Never Any Time

It has been one crazy week. My Better Half and I are getting ready to move tomorrow morning, which means I have spent all week packing up the "old" place. I also thought it would be a good time to get a lump of scar tissue removed, which means I am down to one arm during this whole process. So, between those two tasks and, of course, actual work (wait, what?), it has been a crazy week. That has left me feeling like there is no time, like there is never any time, and like I will never get into Stanford. Oh well, my college years were pretty solid as is, I guess I will just have to live with it. But rest assured, my dear readers, that, come hell or high water, at least once a week I will still have time for you. For no person should be forced to endure a Friday without a Link Dump brought to you by the fine folks here at GameTime, TBD©.

And what a week it was. The most valuable player of the week had to be the American justice system, which, in its infinite wisdom, allowed Dante Stallworth to plead out his DUI-Manslaughter case and sentenced him to thirty days in prison. So, just to recap: killing dogs, two years; killing a human being, thirty days. Now, do not get me wrong, I can not stand the thought of what Michael Vick did. He deserved what he got. But how can we be surprised that people have lost a little faith in our justice system (and think that athletes get a free pass) when something like this happens? Yes, I understand that Stallworth had to pay the family a sizable chunk of change for their civil suit, but that does not change the fact he killed someone, accidentally or not. The dude had a blood alcohol level of .12 . . . at 7 a.m. the next morning. His thirty-day sentence is fifteen days less than Paris Hilton was sentenced to back in 2007 for a simple probation violation. Sure, he will also have to spend two years under house arrest, wearing one of those nice little ankle bracelets (can I get that with diamonds? a Nike logo?), but I would hardly call that "hard time".

What I have to keep reminding myself, however, is that this was a plea bargain. Stallworth agreed to plead guilty for a reduced sentence that was offered to him by the district attorney and agreed to by the presiding judge. Michael Vick did the same thing. So, really, we should be asking the district attorney and judge why they would think this was justice being served; why thirty days for the taking of a person's life is equivalent to two years for animal cruelty of the worst kind. And that is what leaves me scratching my head.

Enough negative talk. It is Friday; a day we are supposed to be happy about. So while I go track down some Tylenol to take the pain away (where the stitches are, I'm no pill popper), here are some things you might have missed:

• Have we already forgotten that Matt Millen was the worst GM in the history of the NFL?
• Mr. Irrelevant now officially Mr. Making-It-Rain.
• Someone needs to turn Ryan Leaf's life into a movie . . . seriously.
  
• Need a deal on a new car? Call Ed O'Bannon.
• Since Meyer's arrival, you may have noticed that Florida football, while winning lots of games, has had a few (read: 24) run-ins with the law. Now meet their attorney; a guy who puts the word a** in class.
• This guy has a weird way of showing his appreciation for Bill Simmons. [Editor's Note: If you'd prefer to skip the Lakers/Kobe ball-washing, feel free to jump straight to point 4.]
  
• Are you graduating? Are you graduating? There's no graduating! THERE'S NO GRADUATING IN BASEBALL!
• Ump lets high school players experience life as a Washington Nationals' player.
• The rights to Mel Hall acquired by state of Texas, and for good reason.
• Women . . . loud grunts and groans . . . I am sure there is a joke in here somewhere. [Editor's Note: and here's a game to keep you occupied for a little bit.]
• I hope this guy remembered his swim trunks and his flippie-floppies.
• "But I guess I'd rather be alive than play soccer."

It is always nice to end on a happy note . . . which is why we have videos, and some good ones at that if may take a moment to toot my own horn. There were a lot of candidates this week, and instead of trying to narrow them down, we have decided to let you have all of them (go big or go home, right?). Say good-bye to your afternoon, cause you have some watching to do:

• Models . . . on a roller coaster . . . in their underwear. You. Are. Welcome.
• I really would have thought this tragic news would have gotten more national attention.
• You should not laugh at this. Unfortunately, you will.
• Your "FAIL" videos of the week brought to you by a referee and a news anchor.
• I always felt Gus Johnson would make an excellent golf announcer.
  
• I watched this video at least five times before I believed it was real.
• SVP proving, once again, he is too good for the Evil Empire.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Is This Really Necessary?

I am not sure if a Link Dump is really necessary during the first Friday of the NCAA Tournament, but Miller Lite goes down shockingly easy when UCLA goes through one of its second-half scoring droughts, all my partners are out of the office, and my March Madness on Demand is running a little slow because my firm uses the office equivalent of a 28.8 dial-up modem ("Welcome" . . . pause . . . pause . . . pause . . . "You've got mail." Yes!).

Before I proceed to your weekly news update and dose of entertaining videos (we're video heavy this week too!), I would like to focus your attention on a little something that was posted late last night. Do yourself a favor and check it out before you dive into the Link Dump. Other than that, I do not have much of an introduction for you because . . . well . . . I want to get back to the games. So here are some non-NCAA-basketball-related things you might have missed:

• ESPN paid someone to tell them exactly what we have been telling them free-of-charge.
• Oh, and do you remember that Rick Reilly story we linked to last week about the blind kid shooting free throws? Seems like Mr. Reilly failed to give credit where credit was due . . . you know, like to the guy who first wrote the story three weeks ago.
• "I've never won a medal for pole dancing before. Normally, they just hand me an envelope of money."
• "But I’m sure any straight male that had been in that situation with us would’ve realized pretty fast it wasn’t anything even remotely sexy." I am going to disagree, John. Circle gets the square.
• Lane Kiffin would like you to know it is all part of his master plan. I do not care what his master plan is, so long as Mrs. Lane Kiffin plays a key role.
• Mike Leach is better than you, and he knows it.
  
• Apparently I would be facing multiple felony counts in the state of Washington . . . but I have a feeling my jail cell would not be too empty.
• I know I would be pretty upset too if I had to call a Memphis game in about thirteen hours.
  
• The Florida Marlins seek to show Ray Kinsella that even if you do build it, people will not come.
• Next week, Jessica will ask President Obama to give her presidential lessons as well. Though, he might actually have time.
• "You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain." Unfortunately, this is not a repeat.
• Things seem to be going really well over there in Iraq.

Wow, what an uplifting way to end the news portion of the Link Dump. You. Are. Welcome. As I mentioned before, we are video heavy this week, but I have a feeling you are not complaining. In case watching sixteen basketball games over the course of twelve hours starts to get a little unnerving, here are some other things that might help to take the edge off:

• Hey Cindy, I will bracket your tolo . . . err . . . maybe not. [Editor's Note: might want to keep the speakers low on this one.]
• If you watch this video closely, you just might see "The Hoodie" showing a little personality. Go figure.
• And, if you watch this video closely, you just might see a nice pair of headlights. That is live television ladies and gentlemen . . . and my Better Half was worried about typing the word nipples.
• Todd Helton offers up Best Man, services during honeymoon.
• Um . . . yeah . . . I . . . uh . . .
• No Dick, you will not support the smaller conferences.

Have a great weekend everyone!

No Tricks, Just Treats

I do not know about you all, but I am burned out right now. They are calling the upcoming Presidential election the most important election ever. And to prove it, news outlets are shoving every last little bit of information they can down our throats. And now we have got this "Joe the Plumber" guy out there campaigning too. If you were at the gym at 6:00 a.m. this morning (and seriously, who doesn't love being at the gym at 6:00 a.m.?), you got to see legendary coach Mike Ditka make an appearance at a McCain/Palin rally where Palin was speaking. Here is the thing, I agree that this is an important election . . . in my lifetime for sure, and for at least the last fifty years . . . but I am exhausted from all of this coverage. At this point in time, I do not care so much about who wins, but rather that it will finally be over. That is why Halloween could not have come at a better.

If asked me what my favorite holiday is, I would have to go with Thanksgiving and Christmas because it is a time when my whole family is able to get together and we always have a good time when that happens (see, e.g., every family wedding). And while that answer might seem like the political answer, it is the truth. But believe-you-me, Halloween will always hold a special place in my heart. I mean, how can you not love the one holiday that allows young women between the ages of 18 and 24 to dress up in as little clothing as physically possible without fear of derogatory words and phrases being thrown their way? Thankfully I am still young enough (a spry 27) that it is appropriate (and, in the spirit of all-things GameTime, TBD©) for me to appreciate these things without getting in too much trouble with my Better Half . . . after all, she is amongst those that enjoy the opportunity to let their hair down on this day of ghoulish tomfoolery.

I do not know what you all have planned for the evening, but I hope it allows you to escape from everything that is going on in the world, if only for a night. The GameTime, TBD© household will be throwing an epic shin-dig (which has been deemed a "Politics Free Zone") and I am using it as an excuse for me to leave the office early. So while I get ready to take off early, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:

• Rick Reilly is not the only one still in awe of John Wooden, and he did not even coach during my lifetime.
• Not that I needed an excuse to watch more college basketball, but this certainly will help.
  
• Mike Singletary's impressive first week as the 49ers head coach just keeps getting impressiver (yes, I did just make that word up . . . that's what we lawyers do, make stuff up).
• Apparently the Redskins have really mastered their home field advantage.
• Daly being Daly.
• In 2014, Alabama could be a pretty cool place to live.
• Remember when Tyler Hansbrough could have been a Top 5 pick after his freshman year? No, that is not a joke . . . stop laughing . . . seriously . . . you might hurt his incredibly fragile body. (I hope this doesn't affect their rankings).
• Your a high school football coach and the opposing quarterback is unstoppable. What do you do? Why, cheap shot him while he is doing his other duties (hehehe . . . duties) as the place kicker, of course.
• Today's episode of "Dude, Time to Move On" is brought to us by James McMahon.
• Andrew Bynum has 57.4 million reasons to be happy he just turned twenty-one and I have 57.4 million reasons to wonder where I went wrong (I'll tell you: it's when Dad taught me to throw a baseball right-handed even though I'm left-handed . . . curse you!)
• Trying to read between the lines here, but it looks like Wayne Huizenga will not be voting for Obama.
• I am in the market for a new snowboard. I wonder if Burton has anything I might enjoy?

It is going to be difficult to follow-up last week's collection of videos I prepared for your viewing pleasure (admit it, you had "Flea Market Montgomery" stuck in your head all weekend . . . I blame myself). To try to follow that up is a daunting task, but I will try my best. So here are some clips for you to enjoy:

• I love me some Chinese game shows.
• Fat Guy Dancing! Fat Guy Dancing!
• If you are interested in quality commercial acting, do not watch this video. If you are interested in Marisa Miller strutting her stuff in short shorts then you probably can not click that link fast enough.
• Somewhere A-Rod is wondering why Kobe got to be the lead singer of their band.
  
• Do as Borat says . . . oh, and what everyone else says too!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Working Towards the Weekend

As the clock quickly works its way towards the end of the week and "Selection Sunday", three things are apparent: (1) I am uber-excited for this years tournament (is that really any different from previous years?); (b) only an absolute hose job by the selection committee will keep UCLA from a number 1 seed out west; and (iii) Elliot Spitzer has a lot more time now to share with his high-price "escorts" (ba-zing!).

In any other year, I would say that this Sunday kicks off the best three-week stretch of the year, but I am getting married in August and spending two weeks in Tahiti on my honeymoon. So, for 2008, March Madness will have to settle for the second-best three-week stretch of the year (read: my Better Half is the most devoted GameTime, TBD© reader and I value my life). Or if I was smart, which I clearly am, I would simply add the Pac-10 Tournament into the March Madness mix and call it the best four-week stretch of the year, leaving my wedding/honeymoon to run unopposed in the "Best Three-Week Stretch of the Year" category. Everyone is a winner here at GameTime, TBD©.

With my Better Half spending St. Patrick's Day weekend in Vegas for a bachelorette party (not hers), I have plans for a weekend packed full of basketball, green beer, a fantasy baseball draft, and brackets (apparently I am also supposed to clean the apartment and put together that bookcase we bought two weeks ago, but that doesn't sound quite as enjoyable). To help you get to your weekend plans a little sooner, here are somethings you might have missed:

• CBS would like you to enjoy Billy Packer for the 34th consecutive year . . . proving once again that CBS has no clue what their viewers want (read: give us more Gus Johnson).
• And what fun would March Madness be without Joakim Noah making a fool of himself?
• If you missed out on the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards twenty-plus years ago and are still bitter, please raise your hand.
• Dear Mr. Costas, we here at GameTime, TBD© are extremely insulted by your comments. How dare you lump us together with people from Albuquerque.
  
• Bud Selig is living proof that it pays (well) to run baseball into the ground.
• She better feel obligated to put out on their first date; that is way nicer than a dinner at Chili's. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not believe a woman should ever feel obligated to "put out" . . . on the first date . . . but it sure is nice when you do.]
• Woman shows "de facto husband" who The Boss is by stabbing him to death because he hates Springsteen. [editor's note: she won't be putting out on any first dates for a while.]
• Abraham and his amazing, Technicolor $5 bill.
• If you are one of the people out there who think this mother put her child in danger, GameTime, TBD© is officially revoking your right to think. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not actually believe we have the power to revoke your right to think, we're just drunk on the power of the "editor's note" today.]

While I normally do my best to have a theme for the video clips, today I bring you two totally unrelated videos for your viewing pleasure:

• When dance-offs go horribly wrong . . . with mascots.
• Only in Canada.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Back in Business

And we are back! I know things have been dark over here at GameTime, TBD© for a couple of weeks, and I apologize. Unfortunately, I am only one man and so, when my firm sent me off to the (deep) South for two weeks, I was unable to fulfill my editorial duties. While I had fully intended to drop one of my famous "Top 10" lists on you today (I saw a man die in a casino in Biloxi, Mississippi while he was playing Blackjack . . . I can't make this stuff up . . . remind me never to die in casino, it's surreal), but I went to the UCLA basketball game last night and this happened. Not that I necessarily needed reminding, but March Madness has arrived, and its arrival means GameTime, TBD© will be in overdrive for the next month as the Bruins set out in search of their 12th NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship.

March Madness also means the return of my favorite announcer of all time, Gus Johnson, but that is for a later date. Right now I have got to bear down and get ready for all of the conference tournaments next week. I have got to discover which mid-major school has the best shot of making a run in the "Big Dance" because I do not want to get beat by my Better Half in our family's NCAA Tournament Pool. So while I go looking for next week's schedule . . . er . . . I mean work . . . here are some things you might have missed this week:

• The uprising against the evil four-letter empire continues; keep fighting the good fight (oh, and I still love Dan Patrick)!
• While avoiding the obvious pun, hitting golf balls at a rare bird is not the brightest of ideas.
• Did you known there was going to be an All-American Football League? Apparently you were not alone.
• Apparently the legal system works a little differently in Japan.
• I think it is time for Brazil to rethink their legal education system.
• I will be the first to admit that my break-ups have not always been the classiest, but I think this one may out class them all.
• Another week, another Britney Spears pregnancy rumor. White-trash-redneck trifecta now in play.
• At 23 years of age, I was in my first year of law school.
• Apparently French women are the new sexual predators. Their secret weapon? Body odor.

As for your viewing pleasure, I have combed the internet, searching far and wide, for something entertaining. What did I find? Two videos; both of which are shocking:

• Streaking never ends well for the streaker, especially during cricket matches (warning: pale man ass and a possible junk sighting).
• This video is NOT for the faint of heart. If you believe it is normal for a leg to bend like that, find out if the skier enjoyed having his lower leg amputated (I barely got through this one).

Okay, that was kind of depressing. I feel bad. So here is a bonus video to make you feel better (hint: this video will not make you feel better if you are a Gonzaga basketball fan). March Madness is back! Have a great weekend everyone!