Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Deuces are Wild

With the exception of the Chief's little "experiment", we do not really care too much about the baseball season.  That being said, being from Los Angeles, one of the few things we truly enjoy about the long season is listening to a game being called by the legendary Vin Scully.  Sure, he might have lost it a bit in these last few seasons, but there is something about the way he seems genuinely excited to be at the ballpark everyday.  And of course, there are all his predictable catch phrases.  Though he is no Jim Brockmire when it comes to catch phrases, if there are two balls, two strikes, and two outs in the inning, you know Vin is going to drop "The deuces are wild".  And if there is a runner on third, you can bet he will ask "Begs the question, how many wild pitches has [insert pitcher here] thrown?"  It is like clockwork; and we love it.
A significant percentage of our readership has recently contacted us regarding the content of our site.  While these readers continue to appreciate their Friday entertainment, they are concerned that (1) there has not been a lot of any original content recently, and (b) there has been a heavy dose women.  As it turns out, we have a solid female readership that actually enjoys our perspective on things other then women.  Who knew?  So all this begs the question, what ever happened to that blog dedicated to sports and life?
Well, the Chief dropped a tablet of truth this morning and here it is: the Chief feels like he has lost his "voice" and has gotten a little gun shy.  And once he got that feeling that his "voice" was gone, he fell back on one of the easier topics to cover: attractive women.  When dealing with attractive women, writing takes a back seat.  All you have to do is link to a picture and let it do all the work.  It was a quick and easy solution for the guy who lost his confidence.  Sure, he had to try and find a way to make the ladies relevant to the here and the now, but, as you can see, that was not really that difficult.  Having taken a good, hard look at himself in the mirror this morning, the Chief decided it was time to get back in the saddle.  And there is no day like today, the start of the Los Angeles Kings' first-round playoff series, to do just that.  You did not actually think we were going to spend an entire post talking about baseball, did you?
I am a firm believer that patterns play an integral role in the sports world, and when you look at the Kings over the last two weeks of the regular season, you see one: the deuces are wild.  Heading into to the final two weeks of the season, the Kings were on a tear, having gone 19-4-5 over a span of twenty-eight games and surged into contention for home-ice in the opening round of the playoffs.  In game twenty-six of that the stretch, they lost Justin Williams, their second-leading scorer, to a dislocated shoulder.  Two games later, they lost Anze Kopitar, their leading scorer, to torn tendons in his ankle, which required surgery.  Two games, top two offensive weapons gone, in the tightest playoff race the Western Conference had seen in recent memory.  Yup, that is pretty much the worst thing that could happen to the Kings.
Over the final two weeks of the season, the Kings played seven games against Western Conference opponents, the final five against division rivals.  Over those seven games without their top two scores, the Kings scored more than two goals once.  They did manage to win three of those games thanks to solid goaltending from the two Jonathans, Quick and Bernier.  When the Kings finally clinched a playoff spot with their April 6th win over Phoenix, they had two games left and needed only two points to clinch the fourth seed in the West and secure home-ice advantage in the first round.  Sadly, the Kings lost both of the games by scoring a combined two goals and dropped to seventh in the Western Conference heading in the playoffs.
That brings us to today, when the Kings begin their opening-round playoff series against the second-seeded San Jose Sharks at HP Pavilion.  Like most Kings fans, my dreams of a deep playoff run were crushed when it was announced that Kopitar needed surgery and was out indefinitely.  And sliding all the way down to seventh did nothing to ease my fears of not advancing to the second round.  For starters, the Sharks have quietly been one of the best teams in the league all season.  Their offense is led by two thirty-goal scorers, including Patrick Marleau who has absolutely destroyed the Kings throughout his career.  More over, the Sharks had the second-ranked power play during the regular season, going off at a 23.5% efficiency.  Ouch.
But while I began my outline of this post expecting to write about the absolutely dismantling the Kings were going to face at the hands of the Sharks, the numbers (other than all those twos) started to tell a little different story.  For starters, the Kings did post their second-straight forty-win season and reached the playoffs for the second straight year after an eight-year drought.  And, it was announced yesterday that Williams will be back for tonight's game, a much needed boost to the Kings stagnant offense (though, I would have also liked to see the Kings recall über-prospect Brayden Schenn after his QMJHL team was eliminated from the playoffs, but that doesn't seem to be happening now).  That being said, Williams will have to pick up his offensive production against the Sharks, having registered only two assists in the four games he played against San Jose this season.  More importantly, it turns out the Sharks had done an impressive job shutting down Kopitar this season, holding him to four assists in the five games he played.  Against the Sharks, the Kings have been led offensively by captain Dustin Brown (4 goals, 1 assist) and veteran winger Ryan Smyth (2 goals, 1 assist), both of whom are healthy and ready to go.  And while the Sharks may have the second-best power play and sixth-best offense in the league, the Kings have the fourth-best penalty kill and sixth-best defense in the league.  And though the Kings ranked only twenty-first on the power play (16.2%), the Sharks ranked twenty-fourth (79.4%) on the penalty kill.  They say that special teams are an important part of winning a playoff series, and San Jose's strengths and weaknesses on special teams match up perfectly to those of the Kings.  When compared to the other Western Conference playoff teams, the Shark's offense-first mentality may just be the ideal match-up for the Kings and their defense-first mentality.
So where do all these numbers leave us?  There is no denying that the Kings are facing an uphill battle just to advance to the second round this year.  While the return of Williams should help a struggling offense, they still lack a true offensive leader with Kopitar out.  But if the Kings can manage to light lamp more then once a game, and play responsibly in the defensive zone (staying in position, clean breakouts of their zone, and not taking silly penalties), it is not too far fetched to see Jonathan Quick take care of business in net and lead the Kings past a team with a long history of playoff failures.  Surprising the Sharks and taking game one tonight would be a big step in that direction.
And while my heart still only sees the Kings raising Lord Stanley's Cup come June, my brain tells a different story. It says the Sharks take the series in six.  However, win or lose, you can expect this series will take at least two years off my life.
Go Kings Go!

Friday, April 08, 2011

In the Dark, There Is Light

As you may recall from last week's Link Dump, the Chief decided to run a little "investment" experiment with the Red Sox.  Something about betting on them to win every game I think.  In that gem of a post, he provided the following commentary:  "Worst case scenario, Red Sox start the season in a slump and early profits are not high enough to offset the losses and the nest egg dries up."  For those of you following along at home, the Red Sox have yet to win a game.  Ouch.
But the night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promised the Chief, the dawn is coming.  For starters, the "brain trust" is out today, so the Chief has already lined up wings, beer, The Masters, and the late innings of the Red Sox/Yankees game during his lunch hour.  By my calculation, that right there gives the Chief more wins than the Red Sox.
And then we thought we would help cheer up the Chief a little more with one of his favorite things: attractive women.  The Chief's dad is a very successful businessman and his role model (bare with us, we're getting to the ladies).  One strategy the Chief learned from his dad, and which he has incorporated into his running of this website, is how to make people feel like they are making decisions while actually doing what he wants.  He is sneaky like that.  It goes like this: (1) the Chief asks you your opinion on what should be done; (b) the Chief "thinks about" the options he was presented; (iii) the Chief chooses his idea.  To top it off, he is so polite about it, you do not even realize he has totally disregarded everything you said until much later.  So, what does this have to do with attractive women you ask?  Simple.  In our March Madness Link Dump, we mentioned Esquire magazine was asking its readers to help it select 2011's "Sexiest Woman Alive".  It is the second straight year they have run this NCAA tournament-style bracket.  So, in April of 2010, the readers voted Brooklyn Decker the Sexiest Woman Alive.  Not our top choice, but we would hardly complain.  And what did Esquire do? They stole a play straight out of the Chief's playbook and, in November of 2010, declared Minka Kelly the Sexiest Woman Alive.  So, this year, when they ran the 2011 "Sexiest Woman Alive" bracket, they made the slight change of asking readers to help determine "your" (the reader's) Sexiest Woman Alive, meaning that, come November, we can expect them to tell us who they think the Sexiest Woman Alive is.  So, even though 30 Rock hottie Katrina Bowden pulled off the upset over defending champion Decker, we can expect someone new in November.
Now, about those attractive women.  If you have not already noticed, what we did right there is list three women; three women that, within the last twelve month, have all been named the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire.  And when there are three women in play, there is only one thing for us to do.  That is right, dear readers, it is time for GameTime, TBD©'s next installment of M-F-K: the Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Edition.  So, we would like to know who of these sexy ladies you would marry, [censored], and kill: (1) Brooklyn Decker; (b) Minka Kelly; and (iii) Katrina Bowden.

While the Chief mulls over his options, here are some things you might have missed from the previous week:
  • Some people have a lot of extra time on their hands.  We here at GameTime, TBD© appreciate when they put that extra time to good use.
  • Now THIS is customer service.
  • New season, new foods to take years off your life.
  • Troy Tulowitzki continues to be baseball's MVP of walk-up music.
  • If you are a fan of the giveaways, mark these dates on your calendar.
  • That trial regarding the former NL West outfielder (no, not that trial, the other trial) is getting a little weird.
  • Speaking of extra time, when you are a back-up hockey goalie, you have a lot of extra time on your hands during games.  It is good to see Marty Turco putting his time to go use as well.
  • For those of you worried about how Aaron Rogers would handle the NFL lockout, he seems to be doing okay; after all, he has a date with Destiny . . . [Editor's Note:  hardy-har-har]
  • We always try to give you at least one feel-good story each week.  This week, it is the story of a ring large enough to be a bracelet.
  • If arrest lasts longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention. 
Ok, the Chief has "mulled" it over and believes the answer is clear.  He loves him his blonds and fears what diseases Derek Jeter might be incubating within his jock; talk about tainted goods.  So, Minka must go.  Also, as you may recall from our last M-F-K installment, the Chief has an unnatural fear of large boobs and the damage they might cause in the throes of passion.  While he is willing to offer Brooklyn a ride, he is worried about long-term brain damage from constant blows to the head . . . wait, what? [Editor's Note: concussion and bedroom sports, it's time to get serious].  So, Brooklyn gets the [censored] of her life and is shown the door.  Which leaves him with Katrina.  I mean, just look at that butt.  How could you not want to come home to that every night? [Editor's Note: truth be told, I already do.]  Winner, winner, chicken dinner.  Speaking of winners . . . 
  • You. Are. Welcome.
  • Rest assured, ladies, these men DO NOT speak for everyone.
  • You can always count on The Onion to tell it like it is should be.
  • I know I railed against April Fools jokes last week, but this one was actually worthy of being shared. 
  • This commercial is only made better by the fact the Red Sox currently sit winless.
  • And the whiff.
  • Floor remains undefeated in epic battle with human heads.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, April 01, 2011

All In The Name Of Science

Well, it is with great sadness that I, the Chief, must announce this is final Link Dump and post that will ever grace the pages of GameTime, TBD©.  Sadly, things back in the real world have gotten a little too complicated and we are going to have to close up shop, for good.
APRIL FOOLS!  Hahahahaha; oh man, that was classic.  You should have seen all of your faces.  Man, I kill myself sometimes.
Sadly, that is far from the lamest April Fools joke we have heard/seen today.  Even more sad, we did not even have to try to make it better than some we have seen.  Look, if you are still in college or younger, feel free to pull as many April Fools pranks as you would like.  But please, people, let us put April Fools Day onto that list of things people should no longer care about once they grow up.  Besides, we have more important things to talk about . . . WINNING.
So, I was pretty confident that the Chief's degenerate gambling ways were behind him, but one weekend-long run in Vegas, followed by a dinner with a fellow recovering degenerate gambler, has brought us to this:  The Chief's 2011 "Investment" Experiment.  You may recall last October we alerted you to the epic journey of one man, who bet on his beloved Pirates to lose, every game, to the tune of a 9.8% return on his "investment" over the course of the season.  Well, with the baseball season upon us (Opening Day was yesterday . . . you know, just in case you live in a cave and the only website your iPhone allows you to visit is this one), and that got the Chief thinking about running a little experiment of his own.  Now, for starters, the Chief cares about baseball only to the extent he has a player on his fantasy baseball team.  He does not have one favorite team that he follows at all costs.  Also, unlike the guy who "loves" his Pirates so much he could stomach to bet on them to lose every game, the Chief is an eternal optimist, who believes his team will always triumph (see, e.g., his beloved Kings, no way he could bet on them, he freaks out enough already).  Lastly, what is the fun of betting on someone to lose every game?  Would you not enjoy it more if you could turn a profit by betting on someone to win every game?
And that brings us to the details of the Chief's newest "investment" experiment.  Two guys, two hundred dollars each, betting twenty dollars that the Boston Red Sox will win every game this year.  Yes, that is one hundred and sixty-two (162) individual bets, all in the name of science.  How did these two groundbreaking scientists decide on the Red Sox you ask?  Well, for starters, the Chief wanted a team that he could tolerate that was expected to win significantly more games than they lose this year.  So that eliminated the New York Yankees.  Then, because they are only making a single straight wager every game, the Chief had to figure out what winning team was likely going to have the best average odds over the course of the season.  Looking at the Phillies and Red Sox (the only other two teams expected to win a statistically significant number of games more than they lose), the Red Sox play in the much more competitive American League East, and the American League in general seems to more competitive across the board.  So it was decided that the Boston Red Sox would be the guinea pig for this little experiment.  So, for example, today the Chief has the Red Sox money line (-125) versus the Texas Rangers in their season opener ($20 to win $16).  But to ensure that the average odds stay as close to minus-110 as possible (other gamblers understand this), when the Red Sox face lesser opponents or a team's fifth starter, the Chief will consider taking the run line over the money line.  Yes, that means that, in theory, the Red Sox could win but the Chief will still lose, but we are talking about science her people . . . and WINNING.
Should be a wild ride.  Worst case scenario, Red Sox start the season in a slump and early profits are not high enough to offset the losses and the nest egg dries up.  Best case scenario, the Red Sox set a new major league record for wins (currently 116 by the 2001 Seattle Mariners and 1906 Chicago Cubs).  The most likely result, however, is that Red Sox do as expected and the Chief is able to eek out a five to ten percent profit over the course of the season.  And it all starts today at 1:05 p.m. (PST).  So, while we go enjoy the start of the Chief's experiment, here are some things you might have missed from the week that was (and we promise, no April Fools links):
  • Kate Upton is modeling for Guess? I guess I am okay with that.
  • You know it is baseball season when [spins wheel]: Dodgers fans show just how classless they truly are.
  • You know it is baseball season when [spins wheel]: the Washington Nationals can notanything right, even on Opening Day. do
  • Let us take a look at the New York Mets payroll . . . for players no longer on team.  And, just for kicks, here is a closer look at what they still owe Bobby Bonilla.
  • Pitcher's perfect game is good enough for a mention in the seventh paragraph . . . of an eight-paragraph story.
  • What? A BCS Bowl is corrupt and abusing the money it receives?  Get right out of town.  I hope the BCS committee does the right thing when all is said and done.
  • I wonder if he regrets titling his autobiography "Touched"?
  • Congrats to all of you who took Wichita State in your NIT brackets.  [Editor's Note: the what?]
  • From "Tomorrow Night's Mantra: Keep Your Cool and Respect Yourself" to "Dear TEAM CHI OMYGOD", this story will make your day.
  • Thirteen-year-old has already perfected the "I never knowingly . . ." defense.  Sounds like he is ready for the big leagues.
  • This story is the perfect bookend to the way we started this Dump . . . maybe not.
If there is one thing you do not want read right before you settle in for start of your "investment' experiment, it is probably something like this:  "[Texas starter] CJ Wilson was 3-0 with an 0.86 ERA in his three starts against Boston last year. The Red Sox hit only .157 against him with 20 strikeouts and only two runs in 21 innings."  And so it begins.  So, how about those videos now:
Have a great weekend everyone!

    Friday, March 25, 2011

    Does Size Really Matter?

    Hello friends.  Well, sadly, actual work has once again reared its ugly head, and that has left the writers here at GameTime, TBD© without enough time or oversight to bring you your weekly dose of entertainment, also known as the Link Dump.  But what would a Friday be without a little entertainment and, more importantly, a heated debate amongst friends?
    As most of you know, the Chief is a legs and butt man.  A woman with a nice set of stems will drive him wild.  This developed mostly out of (1) his love for petite women, and (b) his fear of the damage that can be caused by a set of large knockers.  Do not get me, he is not about turn a blind eye to what a woman has going on up top (after all, a lot of them paid good money for those), but he has an unnatural fear of getting knocked unconscious by an arrant boob shot to the head.  [Editor's Note: seriously, try as you might, you will never be able to convince me that a set like these couldn't kill a man.  I mean, I could think of worse ways to go, but still . . .].  Plus, a nice pair of legs and a shapely butt usually tend to indicate that the woman takes care of her body, so you are likely to find the rest of her very appealing as well.
    Well, if we are talking about the Chief's preference in women, and we do not have enough time for a full Link Dump, that can only me one thing.  That is right, dear readers, it is time for GameTime, TBD©'s next installment of M-F-K: the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee ("IBTC") Edition.  So, we would like to know who of these "IBTC" members you would marry, [censored], and kill:  (1) Kristen Bell; (b) Keira Knightley; and (iii) Natalie Portman.
    We asked the Chief to provide us with his analysis, so here we go.  Three beautiful women, all with great legs and butts [Editor's Note: boy, researching for this post was really tough . . .], and a top half proportionate to their body?  You can not really go wrong here.  That being said, those of you who know my preference in women, and know my Better Half, know that I will be marrying Kristen Bell.  No point in trying to pretend otherwise.  As part of our inevitable prenuptial agreement, I would negotiate a clause requiring her to walk three feet in front of me at all times just so I could constantly be checking her out her backside.  I mean, is that not why we gentlemen live by the motto "ladies first"?  Personally, I think the Japanese culture got it backwards by making women walk behind their husbands.  You can not enjoy the view that way.
    As for which one I [censored] and which one I kill, that is a bit trickier.  If you had presented this scenario to me a couple of years ago, it would have been simple, Natalie Portman gets to taste the goods and Keira Knightley meets an untimely end.  Natalie Portman was my first celebrity crush, dating all the way back to her roll as Matilda in The Professional.  [Editor's Note: we're only 6-months apart age wise, so that isn't as creepy as it sounds . . . I hope.]  The funny thing is, while Natalie Portman has peeked career-wise over the past few years, her curb appeal has dropped a little in my book.  First, she went all boy haircut on us, and then she decided to go and get herself knocked up.  Keira Knightley, on the other hand, is the model of consistency.   The movie she is in might not be is not very good, but she is going to look good doing it and her accent rocks.  All that being said, you know I am loyal to a fault.  I wish I knew how to quit you Natalie Portman.  [Editor's Note: her being in like eleventy billion movies this year isn't helping, that's for sure.]  So, dear Keira, as good as you looked as pirate, it is time for you to walk the plank while Natalie walks my plank (Hey-OH!).
    So, with that, we must cut things short and get back to life in the real world.  We hope you are able to enjoy your Friday afternoon and the heated debate we know you are about to have with those around you.  But with all this talk of legs and boobs, we thought we would leave you with one more relevant video, compliments of Spring Break 2011: "She's top heavy guys, she's top heavy."
    Have a great weekend everyone!

    Wednesday, March 16, 2011

    Rise and FIRE!

    Can you smell that?  The sweet, sweet aroma of March Madness is in the air.
    That is right, the productivity of American workers is slowly grinding to a halt as we are a mere twenty-three hours away from the tip-off of the NCAA Tournament.  Okay, so I guess the Tournament technically started last night, but let us be honest, no one is really counting these play-in "first" round games as part of the tournament.  Chances are you, like me, have joined one or two (or twenty) pools and did not even have to pick the first four games unless you expected one of the teams to advance past their next opponent.
    More importantly, this means over the next two days we all get to pretend we are actually working while, in actuality, we are following the games from the (dis)comfort of our desk chairs.  I mean, if unrest in the Middle East and a potential nuclear meltdown in Japan can not stop Obama from filing out a bracket for ESPN, who are we expected to focus on normal work?  Some of you are doing the smart thing and just taking the two days off, or maybe just Friday.  Heck, even my Better Half said she was considering taking Friday as a sick day so she could stay home, watch the games, and BBM-trash talk me about how her bracket is better than mine.  I mean, if the Tournament is going to get her to ditch work, it has to make you consider just how important it is.
    But that also made the Chief realize that that makes today practically Friday.  So he sent up the GameTime, TBD© signal and called for a special, Tournament edition of the Link Dump. When you think about it, it makes sense.  I mean, we are even closing up shop early on Friday to head to Vegas to catch some of the action.  Thankfully, part of the GameTime, TBD© family is headed out first thing tomorrow morning, so we will have legal action on all of the Thursday and Friday games.
    Now, we were very tempted to dedicate this entire Link Dump to the greatness that is Gus Johnson, since Gus Johnson and the NCAA Tournament go hand-and-hand.  But as it turns out, there is actually some other Tournament-related news out there that we thought you might enjoy and some non-Gus Johnson related videos from the week that should help make your Hump Day [Editor's Note: Hey-OH] go by a little faster.  But rest assured, our dear readers, that there is plenty of Gus Johnson to go around:
    • I will get this out the way: Gus Johnson is the voice of March.
    • Jimmer Fredette is wildly popular in the New York prison system . . . wait, what?
    • If you are finding it difficult to make bracket number thirty-seven seem different from bracket twenty-three, here are some strategies to help you out.
    • A look at March Madness by the numbers.  Congratulations to you on being part of the 8.4 million.
    • Speaking of "by the numbers", here is a bracket filed out using the median salary of graduates from each of the teams.
    • There is nothing like a good drinking game to help ensure you are passed out by the late games.
    Of course, around this time of year every website and their mother runs their own gimmicky NCAA-style bracket.  If you have not noticed, Esquire is picking the "Sexiest Woman Alive" (even though last October they declared Minka Kelly the sexiest woman alive . . . did I miss something? Is Minka dead? Was she severely disfigured in a horrific acid accident in the last 5 months?) and Spike is helping Captain Morgan find the "Ultimate Morganette" from a pool of only the "classiest" of ladies.  Attractive women NCAA-style brackets are a dime a dozen this time of year.  So we thought we would draw your attention to some other notable brackets:
    • Black Lab, FTW!
    • I am not positive, but I do not think this will really be much of a competition.
    And then there are the videos.  Oh, the videos.  Let us face it, there is nothing quite like a Gus Johnson-called dramatic ending.  And while listening alone is fun, watching is even better.  But do not fear, we have not gone with a complete tribute to Gus Johnson because not even March Madness can stop funny things from happening:
    • Like everything great in life, even the NCAA Tournament ends with a montage, every year, always to "One Shining Moment".  So here you go, fifteen years of "One Shining Moment".
    • "Sorrentine . . . FROM THE PARKING LOT!"
    • "Heart. Break. City."  Yes, it is the greatest 40.8 seconds in NCAA-tournament history (I might be biased), and it was called by G.J.
    • Not convinced? Here is how it looked from UCLA's band section.  How has someone not mixed this with Johnson's call yet?
    • While we are certain to have many memorable fan reactions during this year's Tournament, it may be tough to match this.
    • The best anti-bullying PSA? Looks to me like a perfect visual representation of a one-versus-sixteen match-up.  [Editor's Note: all kidding aside, it's time parents start taking some initiative and talk to their kids about bullying.  For the record, that's the bullier getting the short end of the stick.]
    • It is about this time of year that a guy figures out just how great his significant other is.  Hopefully you chose wisely.  [Editor's Note: like me!]
    • Worried that the NCAA Tournament is going to take its toll on your Diet? Jimmy K is here to help!
    We hope you enjoy the NCAA Tournament and we wish you the best luck in all of your pools or with all the action you decide to lay . . . and also your bets.  Ba-ZING!

    Friday, March 11, 2011

    Bite Your Tongue

    I am not going to lie, I was a little stressed out this morning during my train ride into the GameTime, TBD© office.  The Chief usually wants to know what the Link Dump introduction subject matter is going to be first thing in the morning so he has the necessary time to research the topic before making the final edits and sending the post "to print".  Well, so many things happened this week, I was having trouble picking one.  Do I go with commentary on college basketball officiating or the latest controversy in the NHL regarding dangerous hits?  What about UCLA's complete failure to show up last night versus a lesser opponent?  To be honest, I was leaning towards the UCLA introduction.  For starters, officiating is an issue I could beat to death, revive, then beat to death again, and I would still feel unsatisfied and the Zdeno Chara hit might be a little too heavy for a Friday afternoon.  Plus, under those two topics, I am liable to say something that finally puts GameTime, TBD© on the map . . . for all the wrong reasons.  So I thought it best to bite my tongue and go with UCLA because, after all, in reliving the nightmare that was last night's game, at least I would get to reference Oregon's cheerleaders.  But then a funny thing happened while I was standing in line at Starbucks waiting to get my morning coffee . . .
    I am always amazed by what people are willing to talk about while out in public.  As you know, one of the the Chief's biggest pet peeves is when people talk on their cellphones in elevators.  It is not just because he is stuck in a tiny cube and forced to listen to someone yakking away that drives him nuts; it is often the conversation the people are having.  You might recall the time he was forced to listen to a woman discuss her friends . . . errr . . . "exploits" from the previous evening (which include such classic lines as "And he just thought you'd let him stick it there the first time?").  Nasty.  Or there was the girl on the treadmill next me telling her friend all about how she was going to seduce the father of the kids she served as part-time nanny for.  Charming.  And I can not even begin to go into the ridiculous conversations I hear on the train.  I wish I could claim I was a compulsive eavesdropper, but unfortunately people just talk loud.
    Which brings me to this morning, in the lonnnnnnnnnnnng line at Starbucks, where I had to listen to the woman in front of me talk to her co-worker about her ex-husband's mission to buy their child's love.  Any thing that child wants, his father buys him: video games, sports equipment, clothes, blah, blah, blah.  And she did not think it was fair because he was the big-shot executive with all the money.  How could she compete?  After about five minutes (did I mention it was a lonnnnnnnnng line?), I almost felt like I was entitled to give my opinion on the subject.  It was, after all, your classic tale of man bones secretary, wife finds out, man hires better divorce attorney, you know the rest.  For what it is worth, I thought perhaps the husband felt guilty about the trouble he brought on his family and was trying to make it up to his kid, albeit with material things.  But before I could get there, I got Captain Over Share's opinion (and I quote): "Do you think he found out I've been sleeping with Steve and is now trying to turn [our son] against me?  I mean, I know he's good friends with Steve, but Steve promised he wouldn't say a thing." You stay classy, random woman at Starbucks.
    Look people, I am very familiar with the "these are all strangers, I'll never see them again, so what do I care what they hear?" line of reasoning.  But strangers or not, there is such a thing as common courtesy.  And I want to hear about your personal life about as much as you want to hear about mine.  There is so much going on in the world to talk about, why not save the personal stuff for the privacy of your office or your car? So please, random people of the world, learn to bite your tongue . . . or you might find your exploits being posted on a random blog for all my avid readers to enjoy.
    Speaking of things for my avid readers to enjoy:
    • In non-sports related news, apparently the internet has made it more difficult for people to hide their "I used to be a porn star" pasts.
    • Your "No duh!" link of the week: apparently we should be paying more attention to women's surfing.  [Editor's Note: for the sake of . . . ummm . . . journalistic integrity, we have confirmed that, yes, Alana Blanchard doesn't mind showing a cheek or two while surfing.]
    • Oh, NCAA, if there is one thing you do so well, its hypocrisy.  [Editor's Note: read both the main article and then the supplement reaction from the author.]
    • Come on, Bill James, you can never completely eliminate the human element from an equation.  [Editor's Note: or, as long-time friend of the program Ballgame put it, the "crapping the bed" element.]
    • Wow, it sucks to be from the Ohio Valley Conference.
    • “[Stanford] accommodates athletes in the manner that they accommodate students with disabilities.”
    • Apparently it has been a rough spring training for players' rides.  [Editor's Note: anyone else think we should start using the word "purloined" more often?]
    • Well, I am glad we got that all cleared up.
    •  For all those people out there who think it is crazy for the NBA to talk contraction, I present you with this:  Blake Griffin is able to sell out a New Jersey Nets game while Kobe and Lebron play to a half-full arena in Miami.
    • Maybe he liked the view?
    • I think Aston Villa should change their mascot to the "Hermit of the Holte End".
    • He must be crazy. A love-hate relationship with the McRib?
    It feels good to be back up and running at full capacity post-vacation.  We were planning to spend part of this Link Dump apologizing for our lack of a full Dump last week, but word on the street is that Ms. Upton was a sufficient apology.  Should we be offended?  While we debate this in the privacy of our office, here are some videos to help you make that final push to the weekend:
    • WINNING!
    • Tom Brady proudly invites you to "Dance Party, U.S.A."!
    • Worst. Sportscast. Ever.  At least have the common decency to drop a catch phrase that will live forever, fellas.
    • If being stuck in the office all day has got you down, here is a four-minute walk across the Appalachian Trail.  If nothing else, it is a beautiful look at the longest foot trail in America.
    • Call the travel, ref!
    • This is fantastically fake (I hope) . . . but also a reminder to be careful when stealing someone's parking spot (you know, like put your top up).
    • Nothing like an awesome mash-up to get our weekend started off on the right foot.
    • Someone could create a video of Jennifer Aniston sitting on a park bench reading and I would probably still post it here.  But, thankfully for you, SmartWater made a funny video with "Jen" Aniston instead.  [Editor's Note: and, yes, I would have gladly auditioned for the role of "Nut Shot Guy" . . . too much?]
    Have a great weekend everyone!

      Friday, March 04, 2011

      Site News: What Happened to that Vacation?

      [Editor's Note: as you all know by now, anytime the words "Site News" appear in the title, bad news is coming . . . ]
      A funny thing happened last week: we went on vacation. It. Was. Marvelous.  Eighty-one and sunny in late-February?  Yes, please.  But you know what was crazy?  Apparently the rest of the world felt the need to keep on working.  Did they not get the memo?  Vacation.  [Editor's Note: well, apparently the LA Metro maintenance workers got the memo because my 20-minute delay on the train ride into this office this morning certainly didn't help our chances of getting anything of substance prepared for you.  Seriously, though, don't they know I have readers to entertain? . . . but I digress . . . ]
      So, while we were on vacation, enjoying the sun, a cocktail or two (or twenty), and thinking of new and great ways to improve GameTime, TBD©, the rest of the world was acting out in pure jealousy.  Ever wonder what the Leaning Tower of Pisa looks like in person?  Well, I could have saved you the expensive plane ticket to Italy.  The stack of work waiting for me when I returned defied the laws of physics.  That said, I have been forced to spend the week catching up on more work than I care to admit, all while putting out the fires that manage to pop up on a weekly.  If ever there was a week I really wanted to win the lottery, this is it.
      Unfortunately, that means we will not be able to provide you with the one thing you look forward to most every Friday.  What? No, calm down people.  The weekend will still get here.  And to be honest, I am a little insulted (yet, also flattered that you think we here at GameTime, TBD© have that much power). No, no.  We are unable to provide you with a full Link Dump.  Epic. Fail.
      But you also know by now that we are never willing to leave you completely empty-handed.  That is right, per usual, we hope to make it up to you with a hot chick and some funny videos.  We figured that by now you were tired of picture after picture of attractive blonds like Marisa Miller, Kristen Bell, and Blake Lively, so we decided to mix things up this week and go with a picture of . . . well . . . attractive blond Kate Upton, the blog-o-sphere's consensus pick as the hottest new addition to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:

      Seriously though, any one else think their guidance counselor failed them by not mentioning fashion photographer as a career option?
      As for the videos, we obviously have many to catch up on, seeing as with missed a whole week.  So you can bet that next week there will an extra long video portion of the Link Dump.  But for now, we hope these seven will do:
      • In case you were wondering, America's dominance over Canada extends all the way to soccer.
      • As if this course was not crazy of enough for a BMXer, the throw in a dog.
      • Remember that dude who got dumped by his girlfriend after he let her get hit by a ball at an Astros's game last summer?  It was probably for the best.
      • Anyone else think The Onion managed to hire actual pedophiles for this news piece?
      • Holy cheerleader spazz out, Batman!
      • Any guess at who the slowest runner at the NFL combine was?
      • It is the new workout we should all be doing, especially with those who are already doing it.
      Have a great weekend everyone!

      Friday, February 18, 2011

      Music to My Ears

      The sounds of waves crashing along the beach is music to my ears.  And in two short days I will be listening to the most beautiful symphony ever composed while enjoying a cocktail (or ten) on the beaches of the Big Island.  Okay, now I am just bragging and that is not fair to you, my dear readers.  So I apologize.  But hey, since we are on the subject of music, let us talk a little more about it.  That is right, since I am in such a good mood, I have decided to present to you another edition of "Funny Things from the Chief's Past You Might Not Have Known".
      Most of you who have gotten to know me recently probably only see the current image of the Chief:  sports fan, college golfer, frat guy, fun-loving partier, the work-hard-play-hard type of guy.  Nothing wrong with that.  And though we have hinted at it in the past, it is time you know something else.  Have you ever watched an episode of Glee?  I have, all of them.  And, for the most part, I have enjoyed them all.  Confused?  It is okay; it is only natural.  But it is time you that Glee is essentially the reincarnation of my high school experience.  That is right, I was a member of a nationally-ranked high school show choir and I loved it . . . jazz hands and all.  I am just going to go ahead and give you a moment to let that sink in  . . .
      . . .
      To be honest, most of you would be shocked with home competitive things get with show choir (remember, it's a competition and the Chief's in it).  And it was a great way to meet to incredibly attractive girls.  I mean, without it, I would not have joined the college glee club and met my Better Half.  And it certainly did not prevent me from lettering in three sports at the same time.  In fact, it was encouraged.  But my love for music extends well beyond show tunes and cheesy arrangements of current pop hits (though I still have a soft spot in my heart for them)  In fact, during high school I went through a pretty big Nine Inch Nails phase.  I did not dress the part, but I certainly loved everything Trent Reznor produced (which, most recently, includes the score to The Social Network . . . wild, right?)  And to this day, Alice in Chains and Stone Temple Pilots remain two of my all-time favorite bands.  Jar of Flies is one of the few albums I can listen to start-to-finish without wanting to skip a track, and you have not lived until you have seen STP play an all-acoustic set with a giant lava lamp as the back drop.  And that is why I also wanted to draw your attention to this: KROQ's Locals Only Playlist.  If you could all take the time to scroll down to the voting section and type in "Motor Gun Hotel - Pay the Price" in the "Other" box, it would be greatly appreciated.  You see, MGH is a fantastic local band I have gotten to know over the past few years.  It is comprised of a talented guitarist, a phenomenal bassist, and an awesome female drummer.  That is it.  Three members that, together, knock out song after song that sound eerily like a cross between Chains and STP.  I encourage you to check out some of their performances on YouTube.   It is certainly not the "untz, untz, untz" music many of your prefer (myself included these days), but it certainly is worth a listen as you get ready to cut loose this weekend.
      So, please go and vote for Motor Gun Hotel so we can get them more airtime down here in Southern California.  And then, once you have voted, come on back and enjoy the entertaining links we have lined up for you.  Or, if you are a strictly untz-untz person, just go ahead and start reading the links now:
      • We should all strive to live the like great Ron Swanson.
      • A must-read for HIV deniers, teleporters, Randy Quaid, train-wreck enthusiasts and fans of quality reportage.  So really, a win for all.
      • Ladies, if your man wrote you a poem for Valentine's Day, I hope he is more of a wordsmith than C.J. Leslie.
      • What? Potential corruption in the BCS? Get right out of town . . .
      • With baseball right around the corner, let us make sure we are not getting ripped off at the stadiums.
      • Whenever ever I start working some place new, I always like to make sure I criticize my new boss right out of the gates.  You know, to make a good first impression.
      • A heart-warming story about a giant insurance company acting like . . . well . . . a giant insurance company. 
      • Ability to receive pictures on cell phone and being under eighteen considered a plus
      • Is this what the Spice Girls meant by "girl power"?
      • Normally, when you read a team shot seven-percent from three-point range, it is not followed with "on one hundred and three attempts."
      • You did not think China restricted its age falsification program to Summer Olympic events, did you? [*shaking head*]
      Jimmer Fredette.  [Editor's Note: every now and then I randomly yell out "JIMMER!"  It's fun and always freaks out the people around you.  Try it, you'll feel great afterward, I promise.]  Well, Jimmer-mania has carried over into this NCAA season, and his play has been deserving of the praise.  So we get this week's video portion of the Link Dump started with Jimmer . . . JIMMER!:
      • Would someone please teach me, teach me how to Jimmer?
      • Jimmer Fredette breaks ankles with his crossover.
      • Three-and-a-half minutes of Blake Griffin dunking?  Yes please.
      • Yeah, I like to shoot a little stick.  [Editor's Note: that's what she said . . . wait, what?]
      • Apparently the trick shot craze has spread to quaterbacks and douches soccer goalies.
      • If you are not watching Tosh.0 on Comedy Central, shame. on. you.
      • The current vote stands at Fake: 2, Real: 0.  You be the judge.
      • Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy now has two memorable press conferences.  You all remember the first.  And here is the second.  
      • If you do not know who Keenan Cahill is, you should.
      • Even though we will be dark next, I can guarantee JKL will bring you another quality "Unnecessary Censorship", just like he has this week.
      Just a friendly reminder that we will be on vacation all next week.  Look for new and exciting things to start popping up on GameTime, TBD© come March.  In the meantime, have a great week everyone!

      Friday, February 11, 2011

      Don't Be Jealous

      [Editor's Note:  We were piecing together a solid introduction on responsible blogging, but a funny thing happened on the way to print . . . actual work.  What's that about?  So, we have had to scrap that introduction in the short term and move on with a quicker, more efficient opening.  But responsible blogging is a subject I take very seriously and is something I will definitely touch upon in the near future.  In the meantime, you have settle for another topic near and dear to my heart . . .]
      I think it is safe to say that we all love vacations.  There are few things in this world better than spending an extended period of time without the worries and stresses of our everyday lives.  And, of course, who does not love the pre-vacation countdown?  And how about the direct correlation between days left until vacation and work productivity?  Well, today marks single digits remaining until the Chief and the Better Half head off on a much needed vacation.  That is right, they are official t-minus nine days and counting.  We do not want to make you jealous of where they are going [Editor's Note: *cough* *cough* Hawaii *cough* *cough* . . . boy, I hope I'm able to kick this cold before vacation . . .], so we will just leave it at that.  And, of course, a vacation for the Chief means a vacation for the rest of the GameTime, TBD© office because we are equal opportunity vacationers.  Sounds good, right?  But rest assured, dear readers, no matter where the Chief is, he is always trying to find ways to improve things around here to make it even better for you.  In fact, he is already holding "staff" meetings to cover what he hopes we will be able to accomplish on behalf of our little slice of the world wide web pie while the office is dark.  And I imagine he will be traveling with his prized journal, the holder of his creative genius, so that he can finally crank out the first original pieces of GameTime, TBD© content this year.  Believe you me, nothing gets the Chief's creative juices flowing like sipping cocktails and catching some rays on the white-sand beaches of the Big Island some tropical destination that shall remain nameless.
      But let us not get too far ahead of ourselves.  Nine days means we still have two Fridays and, thus, two Link Dumps to get through.  After all, as our work productivity slowly works it way towards zero, we need something to keep us entertained.  And, more importantly, you, our dear readers, still have a Friday afternoon to get through without going postal on your boss and/or co-workers.  That is why we are here.
      So, while we prepare for the next staff meeting, and while the Chief finalizes what restaurants he and the Better Half are going to be enjoying, here are some things you might have missed from this past week:
      • What is wrong with this sentence:  "Marisa Miller is a fairly attractive young lady."?
      • Speaking of Marisa, it is good to know she prefers the four-point stance when playing football.
      • A brief follow-up to last week's M-F-K:  Mike Fisher's wife now cheers for the Nashville Predators.
      • So, this guy is pretty much the anti-Lenny Dykstra of entrepreneurial professional athletes then?
      • A classy move by a hockey player saves a dumb* fan ten dollars. [Editor's Note:  *everyone knows setting your beer on the dasher boards is just asking for trouble. EVERYBODY!]
      • An estimated 111 million people watched the Super Bowl. That means an estimated 111 million people saw A-Rod get fed popcorn like the little [censored] he is.  His response? To be a little [censored].
      • Ballsy move by Mike McCarthy before the Super Bowl even kicked off.
      • Well, that is a huge weight of my chest.  Baseball Prospectus has finally figured out what baseball game Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron went to.
      • A perfect record we should all applaud.
      • For the record, this is not an NCAA violation.  Common sense would have told you that, but that is one thing the NCAA seems to be lacking.
      • Who knew saying something like "Well, you guys don't go out and play [racial slur deleted] basketball." would get you canned?  Everyone but this guy.
      • One day, Disney will write a movie "based" on a true story.  Of course, in that movie the double-amputee pitcher does not get cut from his high school baseball team.
      • Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys . . . soccer players make way more.
      If you are not following us on Twitter [Editor's Note: Shame. On. You.], then you missed the news that the Chief rocked the Surf City Half Marathon last weekend, setting a new personal best of 1:57:20.  Well, he ran with a camera and for this week's video portion of the Link Dump we proudly present one hour and fifty-seven minutes of running . . . just kidding.  Though, from what we hear, it would be a pretty entertaining video.  As the Chief put it: "I found this runner who was looked in on my target pace and ran about five yards behind the whole race.  The runner also happened to be an attractive female, so that was nice.  I was a category five creeper for the entire run."  Good work, Chief!  To celebrate, funny videos:
      • You need a YouTube account, the language will get you fired, and females who do not read this site regularly are likely to be offended . . . must be a winner.
      • If this does not get excited for the next Lions’ season (if there is one) then I do not know what will.  No, seriously.
      • Thank you, Captain Obvious.  
      • You got served.  Oh, it is on.
      • Is this the worst miss in the history of . . . well . . . ever?
      • There is only one way to follow up a miss like that . . .
      • Poor form, a little rough on the landing; may have to settle for the bronze.
      • The saga of Harry Baals.
      • Hey Jennifer, call me.
      Have a great weekend everyone!

        Friday, February 04, 2011

        Fun (?) in the Sun

        Well, we are t-minus two days from the Chief embarking on his third half marathon in a little over seven months.  He will be running the Surf City Half Marathon on Sunday down in sunny Huntington Beach, California.  And while he is not necessarily an "elite" runner, the Chief's competitive streak has been well documented on GameTime, TBD©.  So, as you can imagine, he is taking these final two days (a little too) seriously.  For example, a buddy of his who is an avid racer, including an Iron Man, once told him the key to race-day hydration is extra hydration two days prior to the race (that would be today).  So, upon entering the GameTime, TBD© office this morning, the Chief announced he would be peeing clear by noon.  [Editor's Note:  TMI? Probably.  Would you expect anything less from us?  Absolutely not.]  He informed me that today's Link Dump was completely up to me because he was going to "be drinking straight outta the Pure water machine all day."  That is putting a lot of power in my hands.  But, with great power comes great responsibility.  So here we go.
        Over the past two Link Dumps, we have featured two of our favorite things as the introduction:  (1) hockey, and (b) hot chicks.  Since then, we have seen hockey viewing and our readership both increase.  Coincidence?  We think not.  And this got me thinking: "How do we build on this momentum?"  By combining the two!  Ain't that right, Boom?  

        So it is with great pleasure I present to you, Marry-[Censored]-Kill:  Hockey WAG Edition.  I briefly consider M-F-K: Kings Ice Crew Edition, but realized I did not want to alienate our non-Los Angeles readership.  I must admit, it was both fun and educational preparing this introduction.  For starters, being a WAG (a common acronym for "wives and girlfriends") is much different than being a Puck Bunny; nothing good comes from calling someone a puck bunny.  And, as it turns out, there are a lot of hockey players pulling in top-notch tail.  Of course, some of the top-notch tail is more well known than others, so we focused on those women with more notoriety.  Then we narrowed down the contestants to current WAGs only, no ex-WAGs allowed (sorry Kournikova, you're out).  And after lengthy deliberations (read: Google image searches), we found our three.  So readers of GameTime, TBD©, we ask you, who would you marry, [censored], and kill:  (1) Melanie Collins (ESPN's Pageviews 2.0 and girlfriend of Phoenix forward Scottie Upshall); (b) Willa Ford (singer/model and wife of Detroit forward Mike Modano); or (iii) Carrie Underwood (singer and wife of Ottawa forward Mike Fisher)?  Have fun.
        While you debate the merits of these hockey WAGs, we are going to go check on the Chief to make sure his hydration is going well.  And just in case we are not back by the time you finish (hey-oh!), here are some things you might have missed from the past week:
        • Askmen.com tells the world something readers of GameTime, TBD© already know:  Blake Lively is hot.
        • It turns out the New York Islanders' marketing team is about as good as the hockey team.
        • Hope the snow storm did not make you late to last night's Boston Bruins-Dallas Stars game.
        • If your office Super Bowl squares do not turn out well (like mine), invite everyone to play a little Super Bowl Bingo.
        • "You can make it with some loser you found on the Internet anytime … the Super Bowl is only once a year."  That about sums it up.
        • When a quarterback in your league takes illegal funds, you drag your feet.  But when a school dares to use attractive women during national signing day, you take immediate action.  That is the SEC for you.
        • Three stars for football skills, five stars for illegal procedure.
        • "America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In [Allen], Texas, there is another society which has it's own laws. Football is a way of life."
        • Everyone should feel bad for Cal Ripken, Jr. now.  [Editor's Note: here's the card.]
        • Sometimes people from the South make it too easy.
        • It is still real to me, damn it.
        This is your "Hydration Watch 2011" update:  although the Chief still insisted on having his morning coffee, he has managed to consume eight cups of water this morning.  However, we have yet to receive confirmation that his "pee clear before noon" mission has been a success.  We will keep you updated throughout the day as this story progresses.  In the meantime, here are some videos for you to enjoy:
        • Your "Sad, But True" fact of the day: we all know someone who does this dance a little too well.
        • Who wants to see Bill Simmons have a fangasm over Blake Griffin?  Of course you do.
        • I will go ahead and say The Weather Channel is the perfect place for Jim Cantore to be working.
        • Speaking of weathermen, let us remember that they are paid to predict the weather, not count.
        • What were you saying about injuries?
        • In case you "happened" to miss that Croatia vs. Slovakia mens' doubles tennis match this past week, here is the highlight.
        • One and done.  [Update: apparently it's one and done for 4-6 weeks...]
        • Not the best time to lose an edge there, ref.
        • And, of course, no Link Dump is complete without JKL's latest installment of TWIUC.
        Have a great weekend everyone!