The Ringing In My Ears

Trivia Question: What was the first compact disc manufactured in the United States for commercial release?

To answer that question, my dear readers, I must also ask: how did you spend your Tuesday night? I would imagine most people did not do anything too exciting last night; it is early in the week, you are probably still a little tired from the past weekend, you are already longing for the upcoming weekend to get here, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think our general consensus is that your Tuesday night probably sucked. That, my friends, is why you need to go out there and find yourself an amazingly-awesome (awesomely-amazing?) Better Half.

Allow me to provide you with twenty-five reasons why my Better Half is (1) amazingly-awesome, and (b) better than your better half:

1. Thunder Road
2. Radio Nowhere
3. Lonesome Day
4. Gypsy Biker
5. Murder Incorporated
6. Magic
7. Atlantic City
8. Candy's Room
9. Reason to Believe
10. Prove It All Night
11. Because the Night
12. She's the One
13. Livin' in the Future
14. The Promised Land
15. Brilliant Disguise
16. The Ghost of Tom Joad
17. Last to Die
18. Long Walk Home
19. Badlands
20. Out in the Streets
21. Meeting Across the River
22. Jungleland
23. Born to Run
24. Dancing in the Dark
25. American Land

Confused? You should not be. If I asked you to name the only two great things that have come from New Jersey (besides those friends of mine who are from there . . . don't want to have Nosh whining in the comments section), what would they be? Bon Jovi (DING!). The Boss (DING!). Now, as you review the twenty-five reasons why my Better Half is amazingly-awesome (awesomely-amazing?), you may begin to notice that they look eerily similar to the set list from last night's Bruce Springsteen concert at the Honda Center in Anaheim. Although she is not the biggest Springsteen (wait, what? I might have to start rethinking this whole "til death do us part" thing . . .), my Better Half went out of her way to get me two tickets for Christmas this past December.

Some find it hard to believe that I am such a big Springsteen fan, considering his first album of commercial success, Born to Run, was released five years before I was born. In fact, my Better Half and I were probably the youngest people at the show, surrounded by people at least ten years our senior (not to mention some fabulously-awesome [awesomely-fabulous?] jean jackets). But when you love music as much as I do, I do not know how anybody would be surprised by this. I mean, sure we might not see eye-to-eye politically, and I might not be able to relate to the plight of the blue collar worker, but this is a man who has been musically relevant for over thirty years. He has had eight number one albums over his career (though, surprisingly, he has never had a No. 1 single on the Billboard charts), won eighteen Grammys, and he has even won an Academy Award.

As you can tell from the set list, the show mostly revolved around his most recent album, Magic. While I was not overly impressed with the album, the live versions did not disappoint. Sprinkle in some of his classic hits and a cameo from Tom Morello (of Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave fame) for "The Ghost of Tom Joad", and you have all the makings of a great show.

While it is hard to compare this show to the first time I saw The Boss in 2002, I will say this, I definitely enjoyed the company more (sorry Agman, I hope you understand). There are few things in this world I enjoy more than being able to share some of my favorites things with my Better Half. Who knows, maybe we will complete the "New Jersey Doubleheader" by catching Bon Jovi at Staples Center tonight.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot . . .

Trivia Answer: Born in the U.S.A.

Get Fired Up!

Let's get fired up the Final Four. Good luck UCLA . . . GO BRUINS!

Now You Know . . . And Knowing Is Half the Battle

I know more than a few people out there (some avid readers, some not . . . their loss) whom are headed out to San Antonio, Texas because some colleges are finishing up some stupid tournament that no one really cares about (okay, that's a lie; I'm just jealous that they're going and I'm not). So, for all you Bruin faithful headed out to cheer on our team in person, I thought I would help you get prepared for the weekend. Here is everything you have "ever" wanted to know about the great city of San Antonio, Texas (what's that? You've never wanted to know anything about San Antonio? Well, keep reading and maybe you'll learn something new).

For starters, San Antonio is the second largest city in all of Texas, and the seventh largest city in the United States (of America . . . if you were confused and thought you might be headed to a foreign country). Located in Bexar county, San Antonio is "in the northern part of South Texas" (I am a little confused here . . . when did we split Texas into two states? I just counted and there are still only 50 stars on the American Flag. Did we revoke someone's statehood? I bet it was New Jersey. Stupid public school/pricey-private-college education . . . a lot of good you did me).

What is now San Antonio was originally a Coahuiltecan Indian village until Spain sent missionaries to colonize the native people some 300 years ago. In 1718, the Franciscans constructed a mission, San Antonio de Valero, to convert, educate, and serve as the economic core for the settlement. In 1731, Spain sent settlers from the Canary Islands to further establish their colonial presence and over the next few years, built four more missions along the river. A lack of military support and raids by neighboring Comanche and Apaches weakened Spain's control of the original mission and, in 1794, Mission San Antonia de Valero was secularized and became a Spanish military installation . . . a little place people like to call The Alamo.

You might remember The Alamo from its leading roll in the critically acclaimed performance of the Texas Revolution. It was not but 170 years ago (1836), that 189 Texas fighters (wait, we had war planes in 1836?) held off Antonia Lopez de Santa Anna and his 4,000-plus lackies for 13 days. Most famous among them was, of course, Davy Crockett, a great American folk hero and the owner of a very fancy Double Tree resort and vineyard in Santa Barbara, California where my sister and brother-in-law held their wedding reception. He has aged quite well for having been born sometime around 1786 and does not show much evidence of "dying" at the Battle of the Alamo.

When packing for your trip, do not forget to pack your shorts and, if you are not cool enough to live in Southern California, your sunscreen. The average daily temperature for San Antonio in April is 80 degrees. The record high in April was 101 degrees, set back in 1996. As for that sunscreen, I would not be expecting much rain. San Antonio averages only 2.6 inches of rain during the month of April.

For all of you Bruin fans looking for something to do on Sunday between UCLA games (or if you're a Memphis fan waiting for an afternoon flight home), San Antonio's "Hot Spot" is the River Walk, which works its way through Downtown San Antonio and has many restaurants and bars for you to celebrate (or drown your sorrows) at. If drinking is not your thing (though, you probably don't read GameTime, TBD© then), there is also SeaWorld San Antonio, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and the Fairmont Hotel (built in 1906, the Fairmont stands as one of the heaviest buildings ever moved intact . . . in 1985 it was moved over four days to its current location 3 blocks south of The Alamo for the bargain price of only $650k). Unfortunately, with the Final Four being played at the Alamodome, the San Antonio Spurs will be playing at the Portland Trail Blazers, so I am unable to list Evan Longoria (not to be mistaken with Tampa Bay Rays' prospect Eva Longoria) as a local attraction. If your name is Matt Leinart, and for some reason you are reading GameTime, TBD©, I would like to let you know that your local attractions are likely to be found at the University of Texas at San Antonio or Trinity University (and I hear that ITT Tech and University of Phoenix have some hot co-eds at their San Antonio campuses, so check them out too Matty).

If you are lucky, maybe you will be able to spot one of San Antonio's finest (Henry Cisneros, Alberto Gonzalez, Oliver North, and Tommy Lee Jones), or their FINEST (Lara Flynn Boyle . . . oh wait, it turns out she's just married to some San Antonio businessman . . . but I feel like that's enough, don't you?), at the Final Four. I mean, it is not very likely that they will just give up their seats to you and you will end up in a picture in Sports Illustrated, but you never know (right Jimbo?).

So there you have it; everything you need to know about the great city of San Antonio. Well, actually, I cannot say I have ever actually been to San Antonio, but it seems great. Mostly I am just hoping that everyone gets to see the Bruins play twice in San Antonio. Thankfully Florida is not around this year, but my friends all say that if John Calipari were smart (which, thankfully, he's not), he would pay for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, Corey Brewer, and Taurean Green to come sit courtside during the UCLA/Memphis game on Saturday (tip off at 6:07 EST). You can rest assured that I will securely glued to my couch by then with all throwable objects moved a safe distance away.

I hope all you travelers have a safe and fun trip to San Antonio, regardless of which team you are rooting for. But if you are not having a good time, do not bother me, I will be busy celebrating the UCLA Bruins' 12th National Championship.

Bracket Bust(er)s

Well, it is Wednesday, March 19, 2008, and that can only mean two things: (1) I have been getting writing cramps in my hand from all the brackets I have been filling out, and (b) tomorrow marks the beginning of a three week lull in my productivity with a corresponding three week bump in GameTime, TBD© activity. If you are anything like me, you have probably entered four or five different pools (maybe more . . .) by now. You have probably read analysis from the so-called "experts", tracked all of their picks, and taken a peak at the Las Vegas Sports Consultants rankings, all in a quest to determine this years NCAA champion (sorry to burst your bubble, it's going to be UCLA . . . change your brackets while you still can).

There is no denying that filling out a bracket takes both time and energy. Every game creates new match-up issues and raises new questions. The answers, we have been led to believe, lies in the quality of the talent a school is able to put on the floor. Most, if not all, of you pick your brackets in this manner. For as long as I can remember, I have been guilty of using this method, and do you know where it got me? Absolutely nowhere; in the past few years I have won this many pools . . . if you were sitting next to me right now you would see I am holding up a goose egg. Do not get me wrong, I have had my share of second place finishes but I cannot recall ever winning.

So, as I started looking at my empty brackets, the various teams, and all the potential match-ups, the light finally went on. The key is not the talent a school puts on the court, but the “talent” a school puts off the court. You heard me right; my bracket for the 2008 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament will not be picked based on the players on the court, but the cheer/dance teams patrolling the sidelines.

As I began my initial research, I discovered that the strides made by the mid-major conferences on the court have not been matched by corresponding strides off the court. It all fits. A mid-major might get one or two hotties on the sideline sufficient to make a miracle run to the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, but they will never have a full squad able to match that of a powerhouse and that, my friends, is why a mid-major will never win a championship.

By now I am sure you are all dying to know just how my bracket played out and do not want to disappoint my avid readers. So, without further ado, I present to you GameTime, TBD©’s official NCAA bracket, played out by the real “talent”:

EAST REGION

The East region features four of the most prolific scoring teams in the nation and I am willing to wager their cheer/dance teams do not have much trouble scoring either. The top-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels have a group of girls that easily get them past play-in game winner Mt. St. Mary’s and second round opponent Arkansas, who easily defeated an Indiana squad that gave me nightmares during last years tournament and did nothing to improve this year (though, it turns out Indiana has two squads, one of which is called the “Cream Squad” . . . this was almost good enough to get them into the second round . . . but then the memories came rushing back).

North Carolina’s Sweet 16 opponent is Notre Dame, who easily defeats 2006 Cinderella, George Mason, in one of the most lopsided 5-12 match-ups in the history of the tournament. Notre Dame’s second round opponent, Washington State, is no match for the Fighting Irish’s blondes (if you know me, you know I’m partial to those petite blondes); those Pullman winters have taken a toll on the Cougs. North Carolina seemingly has the game in hand by halftime, but the second half tells a different story. The Notre Dame cheerleading squads take to the sideline in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms and it is game, set, match. The Irish dance their way to the Elite 8.

With a trip to the Final Four on the line, Notre Dame’s Elite 8 opponent is Tennessee. After breezing by American (who I don’t even think has a team) in the first round, Tennessee’s quantity and quality easily handle a surprisingly strong South Alabama, who upsets Butler in the first round. In the Sweet 16, Tennessee runs into the National Champion squads from Louisville. Louisville easily defeats Boise State and Oklahoma (first and second round respectively) on reputation alone, setting up this powerhouse match-up with Tennessee. In what turns out to be one of the closest games in the entire tournament, this one comes down to the last shot. Ultimately, Louisville’s reliance on the three-ball (blondes, brunettes, and red heads) proves to be its Achilles heel and Tennessee advances.

The Tennessee/Notre Dame Elite 8 match-up, hyped by most experts as the game to determine the eventual national champion, turns out to be a dud. Poor planning on the part of the selection committee forces Notre Dame to play their Elite 8 game on a Sunday. Half of their cheerleading squad, being the good Catholic girls they are, opts to attend mass instead of the game. With a depleted squad, Notre Dame is no match for the deep bench of Tennessee, your East Region champion.

MIDWEST REGION

In an attempt to prove their run to the ACC championship game was no fluke, Clemson University comes out blazing in the Midwest region. As it turns out, the Midwest is the easiest, and most controversial, region in the entire tournament and Clemson dances it way to the Final Four.

Although most experts believe Clemson will fall victim to the 5-12 upset, their three squads have no problem leading the Tigers to victory over Villanova. Clemson also easily handles Vanderbilt, who barely survived an upset scare at the hands of Siena in the first round. While preparing for a potential match-up against Kansas in the Sweet 16, Clemson gets a pleasant surprise: Kansas becomes the first top seed eliminated when it is upset by UNLV, led by their “Rebel Girl” dance team. UNLV (and its group of future strippers . . . more on that in a minute) easily runs by Kent State in the first round (I didn’t even bother researching their team once I saw the UNLV squads) and then catches Kansas on an “off” night, beating the high-scoring Jayhawks at their own game.

With a trip to the Elite 8 on the line, the Clemson/UNLV game is over before it began. An anonymous tip to the NCAA Infractions Committee reveals that several of the UNLV Rebel Girls have already signed with an agent in preparation for the upcoming Las Vegas Strip Club Entry Draft (as it turns out, UNLV has several potential lottery picks on their squads). This development leaves UNLV down a third of their squad and the proper southern girls of the Clemson squad help the Tigers easily advance to the Elite 8; class always beats trash.

Clemson’s opponent in the Elite 8 is the first of three Cinderella stories in this year’s tournament: Kansas State. Kansas State’s first round opponent, USC, has always underachieved when it comes to spirit squads, and their basketball team shall do the same. I have been on that campus far too many times and am intimately aware of their “talent pool.” The fact that they cannot field a decent (or smart) squad year-in and year-out is a disappointment. KSU’s squad, showing off its “diversity”, handles Wisconsin [whose one decent looking (after two beers) cheerleader is (surprisingly) enough to squeak the Badgers by Cal State Fullerton] in the second round. Kansas State also has no problem dispatching of Davidson in Sweet 16.

Davidson was the beneficiary of the first ever second round bye after both UMBC and potential champion Georgetown were disqualified during their first-round match-up. UMBC looked to be in strong position to pull off the 15-2 upset (ala Richmond over Syracuse) when it was discovered that Georgetown was masquerading the Georgetown College cheer squad as its own. Unfortunately, UMBC’s superstar (middle row, far right) was unable to contain her “assets” and her Janet Jackson moment results in their disqualification as well. While Davidson’s lone star is able to handle Gonzaga, the bye is not enough to help them get past Kansas State.

Like all fairy tales, however, Kansas State’s Cinderella run comes to an abrupt end in the most lopsided Elite 8 game of the tournament. No matter what Kansas State throws at Clemson, the Tigers quality and depth is just too much for KSU and they punch their ticket to San Antonio.

SOUTH REGION

The Memphis Tigers complained all season long that they were not getting enough respect. The University of Oregon shows them why they never deserved it. After being one of the last few teams to make the tournament, the Ducks become one of the greatest Cinderella stories in NCAA history. The South also becomes the most memorable region by having the only game actually decided by the basketball teams. The 3-14 match-up of Stanford and Cornell, which will forever be known as the “hoofer” game (you’ll thank me later for the lack of thinks here), is played in an empty arena. Stanford advances in what turns out to be a good basketball game

Two days after nearly becoming the first one seed to lose to a sixteen seed (UT-Arlington? Really?), Memphis is steamrolled by the hottest squad in the Pac-10 (the best conference in the nation . . . you would know this if you owned a computer Billy Packer). Oregon’s first round game against Mississippi State was over before it began, and Oregon completes the most impressive three-game stretch in tournament history with a dismantling of Michigan State in the Sweet 16. The Spartans had been riding high after a tight victory over Temple (in the closest game of the opening round) and a much easier match-up against Pittsburgh in the second round. Unfortunately, the Spartans dance team is no match for the mighty Ducks.

Things get tough for the Ducks in the Elite 8, however, where they run into the Texas Longhorns. Texas has an equally dominating run to the Elite 8. There is no threat of a 15-2 upset here as Texas routs Austin Peay in, perhaps, the most lopsided game in tournament history. The second round is not much different as Texas simply overpowers St. Mary’s (who pulled off a surprising victory over Miami in the first round thanks to a strong showing by its two stars) with its size. Texas continues it roll, as the three Longhorn squads easily outlast Marquette’s triple threat in the Sweet 16. Marquette’s magical run ends after beating Kentucky in the opening round (if only Ashley Judd was a Wildcat cheerleader) and being the beneficiary of playing Stanford in the second round (see above).

With a trip to San Antonio on the line, Texas and Oregon square off in the most memorable (and visually appealing) game of the tournament. Forty minutes is not enough time for this one to be decided. In the end, the Ducks prove what all knowledgeable college sports fans already know, the West Coast is stronger than any “expert” gives them credit for and the Pac-10 truly is the best conference in the land. Oregon’s Cinderella run continues.

WEST REGION

There is always one region in the tournament that sees most of the higher seeds fall early on; this year, it is the West Region. Tenth-ranked Arizona, eleventh-ranked Baylor, twelfth-ranked Western Kentucky, thirteenth-ranked San Diego, fourteenth-ranked Georgia, and fifteenth-ranked Belmont (Duke has never been known for its ladies and Belmont has a surprisingly cute team . . . Duke sucks!) all pull off opening-round upsets. UCLA and BYU are the only higher seeds to advance and they are forced to square off in the second round.

Once UCLA gets past BYU in the second round (I would have expected more out the Mormons, who usually put forth strong squads), it is smooth sailing to the Final Four for the Bruins. Western Kentucky is a one hit wonder, falling to San Diego in the second round, but the Toreros’ magic run comes to an end against UCLA in the Sweet 16. Unfortunately for the Bruins, a familiar foe awaits them.

With Duke out of the picture (did I mention Duke sucks?), and the prospect of playing the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 on a near-home court, Arizona finally shows it is the team we always expected it to be. While Belmont’s “cute” team might have been enough to get past Duke (seriously though, Duke sucks), elite “talent” is needed to get past the Wildcats. Elite “talent” is something Belmont lacks, and they fall to Arizona in the second round. Arizona’s Sweet 16 opponent, Georgia, is a bit of an anomaly. The Bulldogs were hit-and-miss during the regular season, winning only four games in the SEC, but then they matched that total with a stunning four-game run in the SEC tournament. While a hit-and-miss squad might be enough to get past Xavier and Baylor, consistency is needed to take down Arizona, especially in Phoenix.

With Arizona and UCLA squaring off for the West region championship, the Pac-10 is guaranteed two teams in the Final Four. Unfortunately for Arizona, local knowledge is not enough to get past the Bruins, who are playing at the top of their game. With their new superstar, UCLA is just too much for Arizona. UCLA is able to keep the tempo to its liking and our new star makes a case for the Most Outstanding Player award. It is three in a row for the Bruins; San Antonio, here we come.

FINAL FOUR

A controversial tournament only gets more controversial when half the Oregon squad is declared ineligible after testing positive for performance “enhancers”.

While the media and “experts” sit around and declare UCLA the “luckiest team in the history of college basketball,” Tennessee and Clemson meet in one of the most memorable Final Four games in recent history. When you get this deep into the tournament, experience is key, and that is what Tennessee has (at least just from the look of things . . . ZING!). In the second semifinal match-up, a demoralized Ducks squad puts its best foot forward, and it is still a pretty good foot. While half of Oregon’s squad may be good enough to beat any other school, UCLA, led again by the Most Outstanding Player, is just too much. Oregon keeps it close for thirty minutes, but falls short in the end and UCLA advances to its second championship game in the last three years.

With the championship on the line, UCLA and Tennessee are too good to be affected by the quality of the sideline “talent” (unless, of course, Erin Andrews is there . . . right Bruce?) Darren Collison, Russell Westbrook, and Kevin Love show everyone just how good a team that wins the Pac-10 regular season and tournament titles is; UCLA is bringing number twelve back to Westwood.

You heard it here first.

Working Towards the Weekend

As the clock quickly works its way towards the end of the week and "Selection Sunday", three things are apparent: (1) I am uber-excited for this years tournament (is that really any different from previous years?); (b) only an absolute hose job by the selection committee will keep UCLA from a number 1 seed out west; and (iii) Elliot Spitzer has a lot more time now to share with his high-price "escorts" (ba-zing!).

In any other year, I would say that this Sunday kicks off the best three-week stretch of the year, but I am getting married in August and spending two weeks in Tahiti on my honeymoon. So, for 2008, March Madness will have to settle for the second-best three-week stretch of the year (read: my Better Half is the most devoted GameTime, TBD© reader and I value my life). Or if I was smart, which I clearly am, I would simply add the Pac-10 Tournament into the March Madness mix and call it the best four-week stretch of the year, leaving my wedding/honeymoon to run unopposed in the "Best Three-Week Stretch of the Year" category. Everyone is a winner here at GameTime, TBD©.

With my Better Half spending St. Patrick's Day weekend in Vegas for a bachelorette party (not hers), I have plans for a weekend packed full of basketball, green beer, a fantasy baseball draft, and brackets (apparently I am also supposed to clean the apartment and put together that bookcase we bought two weeks ago, but that doesn't sound quite as enjoyable). To help you get to your weekend plans a little sooner, here are somethings you might have missed:

• CBS would like you to enjoy Billy Packer for the 34th consecutive year . . . proving once again that CBS has no clue what their viewers want (read: give us more Gus Johnson).
• And what fun would March Madness be without Joakim Noah making a fool of himself?
• If you missed out on the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards twenty-plus years ago and are still bitter, please raise your hand.
• Dear Mr. Costas, we here at GameTime, TBD© are extremely insulted by your comments. How dare you lump us together with people from Albuquerque.
  
• Bud Selig is living proof that it pays (well) to run baseball into the ground.
• She better feel obligated to put out on their first date; that is way nicer than a dinner at Chili's. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not believe a woman should ever feel obligated to "put out" . . . on the first date . . . but it sure is nice when you do.]
• Woman shows "de facto husband" who The Boss is by stabbing him to death because he hates Springsteen. [editor's note: she won't be putting out on any first dates for a while.]
• Abraham and his amazing, Technicolor $5 bill.
• If you are one of the people out there who think this mother put her child in danger, GameTime, TBD© is officially revoking your right to think. [editor's note: we here at GameTime, TBD© do not actually believe we have the power to revoke your right to think, we're just drunk on the power of the "editor's note" today.]

While I normally do my best to have a theme for the video clips, today I bring you two totally unrelated videos for your viewing pleasure:

• When dance-offs go horribly wrong . . . with mascots.
• Only in Canada.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Back in Business

And we are back! I know things have been dark over here at GameTime, TBD© for a couple of weeks, and I apologize. Unfortunately, I am only one man and so, when my firm sent me off to the (deep) South for two weeks, I was unable to fulfill my editorial duties. While I had fully intended to drop one of my famous "Top 10" lists on you today (I saw a man die in a casino in Biloxi, Mississippi while he was playing Blackjack . . . I can't make this stuff up . . . remind me never to die in casino, it's surreal), but I went to the UCLA basketball game last night and this happened. Not that I necessarily needed reminding, but March Madness has arrived, and its arrival means GameTime, TBD© will be in overdrive for the next month as the Bruins set out in search of their 12th NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship.

March Madness also means the return of my favorite announcer of all time, Gus Johnson, but that is for a later date. Right now I have got to bear down and get ready for all of the conference tournaments next week. I have got to discover which mid-major school has the best shot of making a run in the "Big Dance" because I do not want to get beat by my Better Half in our family's NCAA Tournament Pool. So while I go looking for next week's schedule . . . er . . . I mean work . . . here are some things you might have missed this week:

• The uprising against the evil four-letter empire continues; keep fighting the good fight (oh, and I still love Dan Patrick)!
• While avoiding the obvious pun, hitting golf balls at a rare bird is not the brightest of ideas.
• Did you known there was going to be an All-American Football League? Apparently you were not alone.
• Apparently the legal system works a little differently in Japan.
• I think it is time for Brazil to rethink their legal education system.
• I will be the first to admit that my break-ups have not always been the classiest, but I think this one may out class them all.
• Another week, another Britney Spears pregnancy rumor. White-trash-redneck trifecta now in play.
• At 23 years of age, I was in my first year of law school.
• Apparently French women are the new sexual predators. Their secret weapon? Body odor.

As for your viewing pleasure, I have combed the internet, searching far and wide, for something entertaining. What did I find? Two videos; both of which are shocking:

• Streaking never ends well for the streaker, especially during cricket matches (warning: pale man ass and a possible junk sighting).
• This video is NOT for the faint of heart. If you believe it is normal for a leg to bend like that, find out if the skier enjoyed having his lower leg amputated (I barely got through this one).

Okay, that was kind of depressing. I feel bad. So here is a bonus video to make you feel better (hint: this video will not make you feel better if you are a Gonzaga basketball fan). March Madness is back! Have a great weekend everyone!

When Things Go Horribly Right

Despite my continued illness, it has been a pretty good week. For starters, my Better Half and I had a great Valentine's Day yesterday, including a ridiculously large bouquet of flowers and nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. Plus, as I know you are all aware, Marisa Miller made the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As the cover model, Miller has become the de facto spokeswoman for the swimsuit issue, making appearances, giving interviews, and showing up just about everywhere you turn (including a three-story billboard in the middle of New York City). While I have to deal with a new building obstructing the view from my office, some schmuck in the Big Apple gets three-stories of Marisa Miller. Sometimes life just is not fair.

In case you are wondering, my Better Half was a little disappointed with year's swimsuit issue. First, she was not impressed with any of the bathing suits; though, she did promise me she would try out the coconut bikini bottoms on our honeymoon (bonus). Then, and I actually agree with her, she was not impressed with any of the models or their photo shoots (though, she did pick her favorite on the grounds she looked "young and innocent" . . . yowzers!). All and all, I did not really think the 2008 swimsuit issue lived up to its predecessors, or my expectations were a little high because there was a lot of Marisa on the cover. Maybe I will have to give it a second run through this weekend to make I am not overlooking anything. But for now, I just have to get to the weekend, and so do you. Here are some things you might have missed to help get you there faster:

• While most people would love finding a copy of the SI Swimsuit Issue on their office floor, this lady would prefer tea . . . TEA! What is the harm in having some NFL cheerleaders in thongs first thing in the morning?
• For all you traveling to Kentucky to catch the Tonya Harding boxing match, looks like your ticket is not worth much anymore.
• Looking to fill out the rest of their roster, Michigan football holds open tryouts for anyone interested in playing. Hey Michigan fans, still feel good about that Rick Rodriguez hiring?
• Apparently the author of this article does not that Rob Blake is known as the "King of Manhattan Beach."
• Having discovered everything there is to discover in the universe, NASA turns to the next best thing . . . swimsuits.
• Reggie Bush is apparently VERY interested in ensuring that this illegal benefits case he is dealing with goes away quietly . . . and in the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car.
• Parents are angry that public school achievement test is in English. In Chicago... you know, the one in Illinois... in the USA.

If you could tell for the articles I was able to find, it has been a pretty slow news week. Most of the world was focused on Clemens' hearing before Congress. Not that exciting. I tell you what is exciting though, these two clips I have for your viewing pleasure (well, at least for the viewing pleasure of my male readers). Since this week has essentially become the week in which we honor Marisa Miller, here is some more Marisa for you:

• What is the best way to train for the swimsuit issue? If you guessed boxing, please collect your prize on the way out.
• If I recall correctly, David Letterman has a bad heart. How did he possibly survive this then?
• As an added bonus (and for my female readers), here is a video of people getting their faces rearranged by a volleyball; and I have got to say, when it comes to comedy, a volleyball to the face is a close second to the nut shot.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oh Happy Day!

When you are sick, which I have been for the last five days (and, therefore, my humor might be a little off), you look for ways to feel better. Having an amazing Better Half usually helps, especially when they are willing to (1) dote on you all day long, (b) go get you copious amounts of medicine, and (iii) turn the other cheek when you make a bonehead remark because your brain has lost its ability to filter things. My Better Half definitely helps me feel better when I am sick (and hopefully I do the same for her . . . though, let's be honest, I likely make things worse and that's why she's the Better Half). But here is the thing, during the week my Better Half cannot be there for me 24/7. After all, she has a job and I have job and our jobs do not involve us working at the same location.

Believe you me, there are few things in this world worse than being stuck in an office, staring at a computer screen, while you hack up your left lung (only because you spent all weekend hacking up your right lung). Dreading the thought of spending an entire day in the office today with nothing to keep me preoccupied (and hacking up whatever body part comes after my lungs), I first had to stop by the doctor's office to get a much needed prescription for legal drugs. While on my way to the good doc's office, I listened to The Dan Patrick Show, as I have done every morning since it returned last October (a post regarding my unnatural man crush on Dan Patrick is forthcoming). When I tuned into the show, Dan happened to be interviewing a woman and, well, I was confused. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Dan interviewing a woman; there are many female athletes, coaches, and reporters worthy of being interviewed. My first thought was that it was the Rutgers University women's basketball coach talking about how her team got hosed last night. But it was not. Oh, no, it was someone much more important than that . . . Marisa Miller (I'll admit, her interview voice is MUCH different than her bedroom voice so I didn't recognize her at first . . . but I digress).

I had asked my Mother to get me a new subscription to Sports Illustrated for Christmas because Mr. Patrick had announced that he would begin writing for them after the Super Bowl. Because it had been a few years since I last had a subscription to SI, I totally forgot about the added yearly bonus of the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue (do I have to forfeit my man card now?). Well, apparently the 2008 Swimsuit Issue "drops" today (holler) and Ms. Miller is the cover girl (which can be seen here . . . yowzers). While I am fairly certain it would be inappropriate for me to peruse SI's swimsuit website while at work, that does not have to stop me from doing a little research about the history of the issue (and its transition into soft-core porn . . . seriously, is that even a swimsuit on the cover? . . . I think David Letterman said it best when he asked Ms. Miller: "How would that suit hold up in choppy surf?" Short answer: not well).

Well, Sports Illustrated first published a Swimsuit Issue in 1964, featuring a bikini-clad Babette March (Babette March? It's almost too good to be true . . . I can't even make this stuff up). The Swimsuit Issue is widely credited as the publication that helped make the bikini (which had been "invented" in 1946 and had yet to catch on) a legitimate piece of apparel. The 2008 issue marks the seventh appearance by Ms. Miller, but only her first cover. Who has the most covers you ask? Why, it is Elle MacPherson. Nicknamed "The Body" (she stands at 6' 0" tall and is rumored to run a 4.7 forty . . . scouts at the NFL combine are drooling over her "talent"), MacPherson has appeared on five covers, spanning twenty years. She is often referred to as the greatest SI swimsuit model of all time. But I would disagree . . . and, surprisingly, so would my Better Half (she's a HUGE Heidi Klum fan).

While the Swimsuit Issue has grown more scandalous over the years (it has even led some to believe, myself included, that the bikini is now comprised of only the lower half of the bathing suit), it continues to garner complaints from customers and conservatives. You will, however, hear no such complaints coming from my home. You see, my Better Half gets home from work before I do and always gets the mail. This means she will have first crack at the Swimsuit Issue. And while you may be thinking that by "first crack" I mean "throw it away," that is not the case; no sir. Rather, I mean she gets the first chance to peruse the issue. By the time I get home, she will be ready to provide me with a comprehensive review of not only the actual swimsuits (cause, you know, guys check out the issue for the swimsuits . . . and read Playboy for the articles), but her "likes" and "dislikes" of each model. You read that right; I will be "forced" to listen to my incredibly beautiful Better Half explain why she thinks one swimsuit model is more attractive than another swimsuit model (Lord, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but please let me know so I can keep doing it). Believe you me (wow, twice in one post), there are few things in this world more sexy than a woman who is so confident in her own beauty that she is willing to discuss other beautiful women [so ladies, what have we learned in the last week? First, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive); and second, having enough confidence in yourself to talk about other attractive women with your significant other is uber sexy . . . write that down . . . you know, I think I really am changing the world here].

So for now, I am stuck here in my office hacking up my liver. As it turns out, it is not a lot of fun. But at least I have something to look forward to while I do it.

It's Been One of Those Weeks...

Friday is finally here, and it did not come fast enough. Over the course of the last 24 to 48 hours I have started feeling pretty crappy. It is either a really, REALLY bad cold or, more likely, a case of bronchitis. I love me some bronchitis. I think I am due for a 15 round (we're going old-school, none of this wussy 12-round action boxers do now-a-days), knock down, drag out fight with bronchitis. It has been a couple years since our previous match-up, and that is about par for the course. If all goes like usual, I will take a couple heavy blows in the first few rounds (god, bronchitis loves his body blows), but I am all about stamina and will save my haymakers for the later rounds when I am likely to score the knockout.

To top the week off, it has been pretty slow in the news department. I mean, there were the obvious topics (Super Tuesday and the New York Giants), but you know I am not trying to find you the obvious. I am looking for the fun and obscure news articles. Besides, no one is surprised that ESPN is serving as Patriots apologists; after all, they spent the week leading up to the Super Bowl declaring the Patriots the best team ever (oh, and Kirk Herbstreit would like us all to know that Les Miles is the Michigan head coach). So, I have traveled to the ends of the internet and back again and I think I have come up with some good stuff. Enjoy!

• This is not really an article, but rather a link to some pictures of Marisa Miller attending the Sports Illustrated Super Bowl party. When you are feeling sick, a little Marisa Miller never hurts. Also, if you are not reading With Leather, you should. It is a great sports blog. Also, ladies, as noted in the post, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive).
• Now that I have sufficiently insulted most of my female audience (and I'm sure a phone call from my Better Half is forthcoming), I would like to alienate my South Korean readers, a country whose soccer players take dodging the military draft very seriously.
• Headline: "Ref almost blew whistle on Manning." Article: "never close to whistling the play dead." God bless solid journalism.
• Top-ranked high school running back signs with Colorado, where his uncle is a sophomore . . . just let that sink in for a moment . . . there you go.
• Speaking of Colorado, a Congressional representative is now taking a little heat because he stated the obvious . . . derogatory terms are usually not the best way to go though.
• Remember when Ronald Regan chose "Born in the U.S.A." as his campaign song without talking to The Boss or knowing what the song was about? This is kinda the same.
• Two galaxies are giving the Milky Way a gassy UFIA . . . I hate when our UFIA gets gassy.
• The United States is going to try a minor, for actions he committed when he was 15 year sold, for war crimes in Guantanamo Bay. . . this can only end well for us.
• I am sure you have all already read, heard, or seen this story, but it still amazes me every time I look at it. The picture is crazy.

I realize that I may have gotten a little loose with my humor this week. If I offended anyone, I do sincerely apologize (though it REALLY is awesome). I hope to make it up to you with these two clips for your viewing pleasure:

• I know Super Tuesday has come and gone, but the fellas over at Funny or Die would like you to know just how seriously the porn industry takes politics.
• The guy in this video is the whinny kid from Jurassic Park who says the velociraptor skeleton looks like a giant turkey. Seriously. Now imagine Bill Belichick saying that.

Have a great weekend everyone!

When the Cats Away . . .

It has been an incredibly long week for the authors . . . well, I guess that would actually just be author . . . of GameTime, TBD©. As yesterday (that would be Thursday I think) changed from morning to afternoon, I discovered that I had already billed fifty hours this week and still had a day and a half to go. My obvious first thought was to say F-U job and take Friday off, but I was busy for a reason and those deadlines were not going anywhere. Plus, My Better Half left yesterday afternoon to go visit her older sister in Virginia for the weekend, so playing hooky today would not have been all that fun . . . ah, who am I kidding, it would have been great. I would be writing this from my couch (couch, c-o-r . . . are you going to the mall today? That's what I was going to ask.), probably still in my boxers and taking a break from playing BioShock for hours upon end.

Let us face the facts, with My Better Half gone for the weekend, that is what my Saturday is going to be like: ten hours of uninterrupted BioShock time while still in my boxers (there's a nice image for everyone . . . ladies, feel free to stop by and check out the sexiness). I would say my Sunday would look much the same, but there is that little thing called the Super Bowl on Sunday afternoon. I guess I will have to settle for only five hours on Sunday then. It is nice when the cat is away, this mouse gets a chance to be the king of the castle for a few hours. But now I am getting ahead of myself; I still have a half of day of work and a post to finish. So, here are some things you might have missed this week:

• If you had the choice of bringing Gisele Bundchen or your hair stylist to the Super Bowl, which one would you choose? A VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL . . . or . . . some "dude" with scissors? That is what I thought.
• Excuse me, but do you know if your neighbor beats his wife? No? Well, he is a member of the KKK, right? Well, I am just trying to make sure he is qualified to be a MLB umpire.
• The New England Patriots have nothing on the Trinity squash team, who have won . . . wait a sec, does that say squash team?
• The fall of the Evil Empire has begun. Keep up the good work.
• Without a liquor license for the big game, why would anyone want to go to Hooters to watch the Super Bowl?
• Starbucks to close 1% of its stores in 2008. Hopefully I will still be able to get coffee from the 99 other Starbucks within walking distance of my home.
• When I read that the school was having problems with her "kinky twist", I was really expecting this article to go in a different direction. Bummer.
• Boyfriend moving in at the same time ex-husband is moving out. What could possibly go wrong?

For your afternoon viewing delight, I have two fun clips for you. Both of them come in at over 5 minutes, so they should keep you entertained for a little longer than normal:

• Fox Sports Net provides us with scientific proof that, yes, watching someone getting hit in the nuts is still damn funny.
• I have got to be honest, if given the opportunity, I would too.

Have a great weekend everyone!