I believe the fine folks over at Deadspin put it best when the titled a post today "Detroit's Rod Marinelli Receives Least Surprising Firing Ever." I am going to get this out of the way up front: I am a Marinelli fan. The man coached the first ever 0-and-16 team in NFL history and not once this season did he try to make excuses. On top of that, he managed to get his team to come out and play hard every week. It might not have been pretty (what would you expect with the talent they had?), but they played hard . . . okay, will excuse the Tennessee and New Orleans games. Do I think Marinelli had to be fired? Yes. But that does not mean I do not think he is a decent coach who could have probably gotten some decent results with a team a little better off talent wise.
I am proud to say that I watched part, if not all, of every Lions game this season. I flew up to San Francisco to watch them live, I avoided sports scores the morning after my firm's Christmas party so I could watch their game against New Orleans (brutally hungover) taped delayed thanks to the wonder that is DVR, and kept delaying my family's second Christmas celebration so I could check up on their record-setting sixteenth loss to Green Bay yesterday. It did not matter how ugly it got, or how many times I had to tell my friends that one of their fantasy players was a good start because they were playing Lions, I was there to support the blue and silver. I know what you are saying to yourself right now, and yes I did once discuss how great it would be to see the Lions go winless. But here is the thing, I could not root for them to lose. Week-in and week-out, I still found myself rooting for them to win, trying to will them to victory. One-and-fifteen would have be infinitely better than 0-and-16. Just ask the 2007 Miami Dolphins.
1. Convince William Clay Ford He Should Stop Making Decisions - I believe Mitch Albom put it best in his Sunday column before the Lions' record-setting loss:
For decades [44 years to be exact], you have lorded over a franchise that has distinguished itself only through ineptitude. Blown chances. Stupid draft picks. The wrong coaches. Horrible general managers. We have tried to laugh it off. Shrug it off. Hope it off. But the fact is you had one player in the last 20 years anyone wanted to see, Barry Sanders, and he walked away from the game rather than continue working for you. Actually gave money back.
As is evident by Ford's moves on Monday, his decision making skills have not gotten any better. It is time that Ford realize owners are better off keeping their hands out of the day-to-day activities of a football organization, especially when their day job is falling apart at the same time.
2. Hire an Executive That Gets Football - More shocking than Ford's to decision to only fired Marinelli and four of eighteen assistant coaches yesterday, was his decision to remove the word interim from Martin Mayhew's title, making him the new General Manager of the Detroit Lions. Mayhew spent the last eight years as Matt Millen's assistant-General Manager and was only promoted to interim GM when Millen got canned three games into the season. With Mayhew calling the shots, I really do not see much changing next season. Mayhew was, after all, one of the "masterminds" behind the overwhelmingly successful XFL. If the team is not going to upgrade at the GM position, at least the Lions can hire an executive or "special consultant" that actually understands the game of football, much like the Dolphins did with Bill Parcells this past season. That seemed to work out pretty well for the Dolphins. Ironically enough, Parcells's services may become available once Huizenga's sale of the Dolphins is complete. I would not mind seeing Parcells working his magic in Detroit next season.
3. Hire a Head Coach With Experience - As I mentioned before, I liked Marinelli, I really did. But when you are trying to turn around a franchise, you need someone who has had success as a head coach in the past. I truly believe the Lions had that man in 2003 when they hired Steve Mariucci, but he was never given a fair shot because Millen was calling the shots. While I would love to see Mariucci brought back, I am pretty sure he does not want anything to do with the Lions (even if he is a Michigan native). That leaves several top candidates still available though. Brian Billick would be my top choice, and should be the Lions. Listening to Billick throughout this season (which he spent working for Fox as the BEST color commentator in the game), I realized this man has an incredible football mind. He had a great deal of success as the Ravens' head coach (including a Super Bowl victory), and I think an ideal candidate to change the mindset of the Lions' organization. Other people to consider would be the recently-axed Eric Mangini, Marty Schottenheimer, Bill Cowher (though he appears to be waiting until 2010 or heading back to the AFC), or even the previously mentioned Bill Parcells. While all of these candidates would have their work cut out for them, each one would instantly bring a winning attitude to an organization in desperate need of just that.
4. Hire Mike Nolan as Defensive Coordinator - This one's easy. Nolan was one of the architects behind the Baltimore Ravens defense. He was there during Billick's tenure and the two of them are said to have a good relationship and understand each other. Sure, he did not have much success as the 49ers head coach recently, but tell me this, how is that Baltimore defense doing? He wear a suit and tie along the Lions sideline anytime he wants, as long as its as DC and not Head Coach.
5. Hire an Offensive Coordinator that Understands Strengths and Weaknesses - I was never happy with the hiring of Jim Colletto as Offensive Coordinator, especially when he proclaimed the Lions would be a knock-down, drag-out run-oriented offense. It is like the man looked at our roster and said, "I don't think we can run the ball this year, let's make that the focus of our offense." This decision might have single-handedly caused our winless season. The run-first offense was working at the start of the season, this upset many of the players, including then-starter Jon Kitna. Kitna ends up getting in press war with some of the coaches and ends up on IR for the season. I know the running game improved later in the season and was actually what kept us close to winning a few games down the stretch, but our offensive line is bad and we had a rookie running back in the backfield. We need an OC who is better at recognizing his offense's strengths and weakness and will plan an offense accordingly. (Read: bring back Mike Martz).
6. Go With One of the Quarterbacks You Have - For the time being, the Lions are better off sticking with DaunteCulpepper or trying to patch things up with Jon Kitna. I say stick with Culpepper. His best years in Minnesota, not surprisingly, corresponded with the emergence of Randy Moss at wide receiver. Yes, I know Duante is a few years removed from total knee reconstruction and has lost a step or two, but he has an even better receiver in Calvin Johnson. With an entire offseason ahead of him (as opposed to the 6 days he got when he first signed in Detroit), Daunte will be much more comfortable with the Lions offense going into the season and will be in a better position to regain some of his old form. I know the Ravens and Falcons had success with a rookie quarterback this, but they are the exception, not the rule. Need I remind you of Joey Harrington? Which segues nicely to my next point . . .
7. Trade the #1 Overall Pick - The Lions have so many holes to fill right now, the answer is not going to be found at #1. Now, obviously the will need some of the big-name college stars to declare for the draft so that some other teams actually want the #1 overall pick, but that should happen. The Lions have two first round picks and five of the first eight-five picks in this years draft. If they are able to trade the #1 pick, the will move down in the first (still maintaining two first round picks) and pick up either a veteran that will help them or a sixth pick. That is a pretty good way to fill a lot of holes fast. Which, strangely enough, segues to my next point (unbelievable!) . . .
8. Do NOT Draft a Skill Position Player With Your First 5 Picks - That is right, avoid the quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers. You do not need them right now, and they are not going to help out the team as much as focusing on your offensive line, defensive line, linebackers, or secondary will. In fact, if you look at the roster, the Lions are already set at the skill positions with Calvin Johnson, Kevin Smith, and one of the previously mentioned QBs. So do not do it. Their most glaring weakness is on the defensive side of the ball, so at least three of the picks should be used there (I would go 4 defense, 1-2 offense if you trade the #1). And the Lions should also . . .
9. Focus on Non-Skill Position During Offseason - I really do not need to repeat what I just said above, only this one relates to the free agents they focus on signing during the offseason. Speaking of free agents . . .
10. Do NOT Overpay for One of the Big Name Free Agents - there are a lot of big name free agents available this offseason, especially on the defensive side of the ball. In order to convince any of them to come and play for Detroit, the Lions are going to have to offer a lot more money than other teams. Do not do it. It will hamper the teams ability to resign key players (Johnson) down the road and will also prevent them from filling as many holes as possible. I would much rather see the Lions fill two holes with above average players for the same price as filling one hole with a superstar (that's what she said . . . ba-ZING). Huge contracts never pan out in the long run; the player never performs up to expectations, you can not trade them because of the size of the contract, and you can not sign other players because of the salary cap. I know signing a superstar is the sexy choice, management will see it as a way to appease the fans after this awful season, but it is not the right thing to do in the long run.
Even though times are tough out there right now, we hope you all are able to enjoy the things to be thankful for. In case you are having a harder time than normal, here is a story from Rick Reilly to remind you that there are still great things going on out there, no matter what the media and our government is saying.
And for those of you still looking for the perfect gift to get that special someone for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday you might be celebrating, allow me to remind you of the greatest gift you could give:
Please, please, please have a happy, healthy, and safe holiday season. We will see you in 2009!
While I spend the rest of my afternoon searching for the perfect present, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through the rest of your Friday:
If only there was some place on this whole world wide web thing that had a complete collection of Marisa Miller photos . . .
There are some crimes that are so heinous, so unforgivable, that even I believe the death penalty is called for. Murdering a cheerleader? Check.
The Professional Cheerleader Blog (wow, the Internet really does have everything these days) would like you to know that the Chicago Luvabulls have been dominating the Miss Illinois USA pageant for the last couple of years.
With a name like Starr Spangler, I would have expected a different career path after her Dallas Cowboys cheerleading days came to an end (clearly I'm talking about singing our national anthem at sporting events . . . get your mind out of the gutter).
Gisele claims that size does not matter. Tom, is there something you would like to tell us?
Speaking of the Cowboys, T.O. is upset he did not get invited to the Romo-Witten slumber party.
Your team is 0-13 and you are tired of losing. Do you (1) suck it up and actually win a game, or (b) flick off the fans?
With the economy failing, the Big 3 about to go bankrupt, and increased tension in the Middle East, it is good to see Congressman Barton's head is in the right place.
Urban Meyer, tired of staring at Florida co-eds cheering on his team, admits his preference for catholic schoolgirls. Welcome to the club.
I do not know what "chutzpah" but means, but I am sure Senator Bunning is excited about being elected into its hall of fame.
Daly confuses fan's camera with one of his empty beer cans.
Barry Melrose, whose mullet was fired after only 16 games as head coach of the Tampa Bay Lightening, has moved on . . . clearly.
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that an NHLer's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not break multiple fingers in a freak snow blower accident.
Wow, three television/movie references in one Link Dump, that must be some new kind of record. Anyways, I have put together another excellent set of videos for your weekly viewing pleasure. I even intentionally went into the vault for a previously unused clip that goes well with Saturday Night Live's most recent gem of a digital short:
Just go ahead and let me know when we are back on the air. [warning: includes some strong language]
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of NFL defenders cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced by the realization that there is a second Barry Sanders. [That makes four!]
When I first saw this, I thought someone had videotaped my first year of law school with my buddy DJ.
Stepped outside, into the rain, looked at my phone, saw you rang . . .
I always thought it was nice that the Joker took the time to remind Lieutenant Eckhardt it is important to think to about the future. Of course, he followed up the advice with an immediate gun shot to the chest, so there was not a lot of time for Eckhardt to actually think about said future. But still, there is a lot to be said about planning for the future, so it was good advice nonetheless. In today's society, a society that strives on instant gratification, we often forget about the importance of looking towards the future. From time-to-time, I can be as guilty of this as the next person, and that is after four years of economic classes that pounded the importance of long-term planning down my throat.
Of course not all long-term planning is planning for the rest of your life. "Long-term" is a very subjective phrase. Long-term planning can be anywhere from a few hours, a few days, to many years (as with my career). My good friend Barney Stinson, for example, is a man who always seeks to accomplish his short-term goal (finding an attractive woman to hook up with) with his long-term plan in mind (how to escape in the morning undetected and without fear of future concentration). Barney's conquests are, in a word . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . legendary. His long-term planning may only be for ten to twelve hours in advance, but by making those necessary plans, he executes his game plan with near perfection.
But here is the best part about long-term planning: if you establish clear, reasonable goals and make smart decision with those goals in mind, it is possible to achieve what you thought might take many years much sooner. And that, my friends, is where we find the 2008-2009 Los Angeles Kings. Clearly, this young team still has a long way to go (as evidenced by Tuesday night's 6-1 drubbing at the hands of the Colorado Avalanche), but they have come along way already.
You may recall back in early October, I boldly predicted that the Kings would be contenders for a playoff spot late into the season but would ultimately fall short. What was I thinking? I am here today to amend that prediction: the Los Angeles Kings will be the eighth seed in western conference come playoff time. I know the Kings are currently one game under .500 (11-12-4 . . . personally I count that as 5 games under .500, they are overtime loses after all . . . but that's not the lingo of the league), and currently sitting eleventh in the west, so please allow me to explain.
The early months of Murray II's reign have been nothing short of fantastic. He has managed to convince this younger team that the key to winning is not just scoring a lot of goals, but playing defense in all three zones of the rink. As a result, the Kings rank among the league leaders in shots against per game and penalty killing, an area of their game that was abysmal over the past two season. Murray II is so confident in his young team, he managed to beat me to punch, calling his team a playoff team a full five days before I did so here today.
Everything has not as well as I predicted back in October. Jason LaBarbara struggled in his first ten games as the number one goaltender, and Brian Boyle was sent back down to the Monarchs to develop his game more. Thankfully, Erik Ersbery, last season's late surprise has risen to the challenge and established himself as the Kings' clear number one goaltender. And Boyle's time with the big club was not terrible, he just needs to learn to use his huge six foot six inch frame to his advantage. I am confident he will get a call up soon and will show that his numbers from the last month of last season were no fluke. While the Kings are certainly not lighting the lamp at a record pace, the return of Boyle's offense would only be an added bonus. Frolov continues to show prove that he is a 35 to 40 goal scorer, regardless of what the "experts" say, and Brown is on pace to set career highs in all categories for the fourth straight season. Kopitar just continues to do what Kopitar does (that is, of course, leading the team in scoring) and O'Sullivan has shaken off his slow start and is starting to regain his 2007-2008 scoring form (missing training camp during a holdout doesn't help). And I have to mention Kyle Quincey, a defenseman claimed off of waivers from the Detroit Red Wings. He has added much-needed depth to the defense, proving to be a top-four NHL defender, and brought some offensive punch to the blue line (leads the team in assists).
But the Kings' all-star for the first third of the season has got to be rookie defenseman Drew Doughty. Doughty, you may recall, was the Kings' first round pick (2nd overall) in the 2008 draft. He turned nineteen (you read that right, 19) two days ago. All he has done over the first 28 games is lead the Kings in average time on ice, play a solid two-way game, play significant roles on the power play AND penalty kill, and has put up a respectable ten points (3 goals, 7 assists). Did I mention this kid was only nineteen? It is crazy to think that he is only going to get better as the season goes on and the scoring touch he showed in the juniors will come around.
A real man is able to admit his mistakes and must I do that now. I wanted Dean Lombardi to take offense with the number two overall pick. I thought we needed someone who could make an instant impact, and I did not think a young defenseman could do that in the NHL. I thought the transition from juniors to the big league was much easier for an offensive player. Well, apparently there is a reason DL's master plan is working, and I am here blogging about it. DL has stuck to his rebuilding plan, never wavered, stared down angry season ticket holders, and put together an amazing group of young, talented players. He asked the fans to be patient for three to five years, and most were patient for one. Well, here we are, three years into DL's plan, and the future is nothing but bright for my favorite franchise. DL though in the long-term, put together a plan, made all his short-term decisions based on that plan, and we are now beginning to see the results of his plan sooner than we anticipated.
Do you think Lombardi knows anything about professional football? I know of an NFL team that is in need of some solid long-term advice . . .
But let us talk about someone who is lucky: my Dad. When Dad's number shows up on my caller ID at work, the conversation is usually going to involve one of three things: (1) whether I will be attending whatever sporting event it is he has tickets for, (b) I probably owe him some money for something, or (iii) I will never guess who he just met. Well, his name showed up on my cell's caller ID on Wednesday afternoon, and it was a category (iii) conversation. Now, you have to realize that my dad has flown well over five million miles in his career . . . and he is not a pilot. So most of his chance encounters with the rich and famous occur on airplanes. And Dad is the type of person who will recognize someone famous, but can not tell you who they are or why they are famous. Most famously, he sat across the aisle from Cindy Crawford on a flight, and it was my mom, of all people, who had to point this out to him. So when Dad said "BAP, you'll never guess who sat next to me on my flight to Austin (Austin . . . Austin, Massachusetts?)", it meant that he recognized the person and, therefore, the famous person must be sports-related.
Dad spent the 4-hour flight from Los Angeles to Austin breaking down game film and having a general discussion about life with Ben Howland. That is right, THE Ben Howland; the same Ben Howland that has coached UCLA to back-to-back-to-back Final Fours; the guy that has brought the magic back to Westwood (wait a sec, maybe I should be blaming Dad for UCLA's loss last night . . . maybe he was giving bad advice, or he distracted Howland from doing his job . . . nah, that's just silly). While poor Alfred Aboya was cramming his legs into his coach seat, Ben and Dad were talking about commutes, property values, and why Ben was concerned with the tough match-up Texas posed at almost every position in first class; I mean, he got to share a meal with this man! I mean, sure, I once flew on the same airplane as Andy Murray, and when I was in sixth grade, Tupac sat in front of me on a flight to Florida (and one of his bodyguards sat next to me . . . that was a treat). But it was not like I could spend the whole trip talking hockey with Murray (we were about 15 rows apart and he had, of course, just been fired by the Kings) and at the age of twelve, I was not a big rap fan, so I did not even know it was Tupac until I heard the stewardess (they're called flight attendants now) say his name. Dad, on the other hand, now gets to say that he has studied game film with one of the greatest game planners in the game.
Some people, like Dad, have all the luck. So, while I figure out a way to get Dad to Vegas (gotta strike while the irons hot), here are some things you might have missed to help you get through the rest of your week:
I forgot to record the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on Wednesday night, but I was not too concerned because I knew some perv would provide us with a Power Rankings of the models by Thursday morning. I was, of course, 100% correct in this assumption (though, I don't know if I can trust a guy who finds 11 VS models hotter than Miranda Kerr . . . at least his Top 5 is spot on).
Speaking of Victoria's Secret models, the people at Rumors and Rants would like to remind us that Marko Jaric has clearly out kicked his coverage.
And since we are talking about attractive women, a Hamburg soccer star intentionally disqualified himself from an upcoming match to attend his wife's 30th birthday. I would say he had two pretty large . . . . er, I mean . . . good reasons why.
Usually an attractive female athlete is all it takes to get me interested in an article (hey, you too? Weird). But when you add talk of free cows . . .
I have not figured out how, but I am sure the inadvertent whistle can somehow be blamed on Ed Hochuli.
Parents sue school after their daughters are kicked off of cheerleading squad for being awesome . . . no, actually, they are suing the school because they suck as parents. These articles frustrate me to no end.
In 2004, Michael Vick signed a $130 million contract with the Atlanta Falcons. So, how than is he bankrupt?
Rod Marinelli guarantees at least one win this season for my Detroit Lions. His motivating tool? The 2008-2009 team photo.
The most amazingly-awesome (awesomely-amazing?) hunting story you may ever read. It is about time the animals start fighting back.
For some stories, the witty tag lines write themselves. For others, like this one, a witty tag line could not be further from my mind.
It was quite a week for ridiculously entertaining videos. I have a reserve of unused clips that appreciate weeks like this because they remain unused, waiting for the right moment to be unveiled. I was even able to add a few clips to the bank, saved for a rainy day, because I was able to put together this cornucopia of entertaining (and perhaps slightly disturbing) clips for your viewing pleasure:
Kenny Mayne, perhaps one of two enjoyable hosts remaining at the Evil Empire, has his own webisode series called Mayne Street. If you have not seen any, this one is sure to get you hooked.
The scene: SUNY Geneseo (that's State University New York, at Geneseo) hosting SUNY Oswego (that's State University . . . eh, you get the point) in a powerhouse Division III matchup. Geneseo (in white) trails by two with 10 seconds left. Take it away boys . . .
Apparently, this is the perfect holiday gift for all your co-workers. [Bonus: for an extra laugh, clicked on the related video of Ellen.]
