Road Game!

So, about a month-and-a-half ago, My Better Half casually mentioned she would be going to Las Vegas for work in late-November/early-December.  Naturally, I assumed she meant some mid-week conference at the MGM Grand or something.  Well, here I am, writing this Link Dump from the comfort of my Bellagio room while My Better Half learns the intricacies of health care accreditation twenty-three floors below.  Query: how early is too early to be playing Three Card Poker by yourself?  Road games rule!

Speaking of road games, while I was flying the friendly skies with Mike Tyson (#humblebrag), apparently Greg Popovich caused a little stir in the NBA by opting to rest his four best players at the end of the Spurs' second lengthy road trip of this young season.  Not content with having already ruined one professional sports league, David Stern did what David Stern does best and went off the deep end.  You see, David Stern is absolutely convinced he is the smartest person in all of sports . . . hell, he might believe he is the smartest person in the world . . . so he obviously knows what is best for everybody.  So he gets a little testy when someone does something that is actually smart, but goes against what he believes is smart.  So Stern felt the need to apologize to NBA fans (all five of them) and declared the Spurs organization will face "substantial sanctions" for Pop's actions.  No, admittedly, I am no NBA fan.  And I realize that Stern has built the "success" of the NBA around its individual superstars and the teams.  This, however, is just riDONKulous.

Davie, level with me, would you not rather have the Spurs, one of the more popular franchises in the league, ready to make a deep playoff run when all the games are nationally televised?  I think one regular season game is worth that cost.  Especially when you look at the scheduling you gave the Spurs.  It was to be their fourth game in five nights, and fifth game in seven.  Meanwhile, the Heat had been sitting at home since Saturday.  The Spurs have already played eleven games on the road; the Heat have played twelve games . . . total.  You have to think that type of scheduling is not good for one of the older teams in the league.  So do not act so surprised that one of the league's best coaches did the smart thing for the good of his team, which, last time I checked, is who is signing is paycheck.  And it seems a little disingenuous that you get upset over one regular season game when, for years, you have let franchises tank entire seasons to get a high lottery pick (see, e.g., the Cavaliers trying to get your beloved Bron-Bron). Look, if I go to an NBA game (don't ask me the last time that was), I want to see the best game possible, which implies the teams will play their best players.  But my tickets does not provide me an absolute guarantee that will happen; I get what I get.  I have seen some good teams get blown out by crappy teams with their entire roster, while the Heat needed a last-second three to beat the Spurs last night.  So, Davie, if you are going to run this league for another ten years (really?), I think you best get over yourself and learn to appreciate when a coach like Pop is honest.

Boy, I got a little fired up there.  If you did not notice, I am not exactly a big David Stern fan.  I do partially blame him for the problems of the NHL and, let us be honest, he is kind of a douche.  So, while I do some laps around the room to calm myself down, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your Friday afternoon:

• I have watched this gif roughly eleventy billion times and it never gets old.  You. Are. Welcome.
• Mike Fisher, just the latest casualty of the NHL lockout.  MAN DOWN!
• You see . . . I . . . uh . . . well . . . 
• Two years for teabagging?  How are Louisiana prisons not grossly overpopulated?
• Survey shows college basketball players are (1) liars, and (b) have terrible taste in women.
• Good thing that suspension is with pay.  Otherwise, how could he take Tulsa Minus-2.5 in the Conference USA title game?
• When we last spoke, we told you about Eric Berry's fear of horses.  Today, we top that.
• Nothing says exciting NBA basketball like Virginia Beach, Virginia.  Keep up the good work Davie.
• I think the real story here is that Michael Jordan is still wearing cargo shorts . . . in 2012.
• It is like always say, if you are going to get busted for a DUI, do it in style.  [Editor's Note: we never say that.]
• This should end well for every other Denver-area female high school swimmer.
• Go time!
• Everybody loves a good tease . . .
• What ever happened to beer pong being the sport of gentlemen?
• Yeah, this is happening!

Speaking of road games (is there an echo in here?), my Bruins shoot for a trip to the Rose Bowl tonight in the Pac-12 title game tonight at Stanford.  Not going to lie, I am more than a little nervous about this game after what went down six short days ago.  I think it is best I get up and try to work off some of this nervous energy (hey, is that a Three Card Poker table?) and maybe see which way the line has moved since last night.  As for you guys, hope these clips selected for your viewing enjoyment help get you through your Friday with a smile on your face:

• Nothing says own goal like IN THE FACE!
• Turns out the laws of physics are alive and well in pee wee football.
• Not gonna lie, the Will Arnett looks pretty yummy . . . and I bet the drink is good too.  [Editor's Note: if you haven't watched the 30-for-30 short on Arnold Schwarzanegger, do yourself a favor and check it out.]
• Who knew a name could be so hypnotizing?
• I will be honest, if this happened to me I would totally soil myself.  Yes, I am a wuss.
• As someone who has taken his fair share of tumbles on ice, I appreciate this video.

Have a great weekend everyone!

How Does This Work Again?

[*dusts off keyboard*]

How does one go about apologizing to his thousands hundreds dozens handful of loyal readers after inexcusably disappearing for over a year?

Well, for starters, I think I would say that if you are actually here reading this, I truly appreciate you sticking around all this time.  Then, I would let you know about how painful this past year was, both in terms of not being able to bring you the Pulitzer-worthy writings you had grown to love and expect from my little corner of the world wide web, and the actual reason I became so suddenly unavailable.  Finally, I would tell you how sorry I am, hope you can forgive me, and promise I am a changed man and that things will be better than they were before my indiscretion (cause, you know, apparently this is now also Lifetime's next drama about a lover scorned . . . don't worry, I didn't spend the last year trying to make up for sins committed against My Better Half; a wise man knows when he has massively out-kicked his coverage and does everything in his power not to screw that up.)

Long story short, people left our firm, which resulted in a little game I like to call "Shuffle the Associates."  Now, I work by a motto my father taught me: "Work Hard; Have Fun; Make Money."  The theory is, if you work hard, and have a little fun while doing it, you are going to be successful (make money).  Well, when the game came to an end, I end up being assigned to partner of firm whose motto, if he had one, would be: "Work Hard, Work Harder, You're Not Working Hard Enough, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH WORK?"  This might come as a surprise to you, but it turns out that is (1) not a fun environment to work in, (b) may cause some employees to resent you; and (iii) does not create a very productive work experience (shocking, right?).  While I never let it break me, it certainly did restrict my ability to enjoy the creative outlet that is GameTime, TBD©.  I kept fighting the good fight, grinding it out, and eventually I was able to find my way onto a team with a partner whose operating philosophy is more in line with mine.  In the words of William Wallace . . . FREEDOM!!!!!!!

Now, I can not guarantee it will be business as usual around these parts.  I have got to find my mojo again; and there will certainly be times when work gets in the way; but I love sharing my wisdom with you all too much to not make this happen.  So much has happened in the past year, I have plenty of ideas on how to make GameTime, TBD© better than ever, both in terms of user experience and content.  In just writing these first few paragraphs, I can already feel the excitement returning.  So stick around, it is bound to be a great show.

Well I finish getting things back up and running, reaching out to my contacts, and crafting my battle plan for continuing world domination, here are some things you might have missed from the past week to get you through your Friday afternoon.  That is right, my dear readers, it is Link Dump time:

• It is rivalry week here in Los Angeles, so naturally this and this happened.  GO BRUINS!
• Dear NCAA, Just a friendly reminder that your mission is to protect student athletes and their future.  Kthxbye.
• Somewhere Herm Edwards is reminding people "You PLAY. TO WIN. THE GAME."
• When do the owners cancel Gary Bettman's life?
• Surprising absolutely no one, this happened at a Cleveland Browns game.  Oh, Cleveland.
• Last time I checked a map, Cincinnati and Louisville were west of Philadelphia.  Did someone re-align the country again without telling me?   
• Hey bro, probably should have thought this one through a little more before going to print.
• Not very often you can say a team scored 104 points in a high school football game and did not run up the score.
• With Thanksgiving right around the corner, the end of the year is nearly upon.  And that means all those "Best of the Year" lists the Chief hates so much.  Like this one, that proves sports and innuendos go hand-in-hand.
• Speaking of Thanksgiving, that means it is time for Black Friday sales.  If you are headed to Williams Sonoma, here is some advice.
• In non-sports related news, do yourself a favor and check out the image.

I guess it is true what they say, some things in life truly are just like riding a bike.  You get back on and get going. [Editor's Note: that's what she said!]  It feels really good to be back in the driver's seat, so let us keep this party train moving forward.  First we tickled your brain, now we tickle your eyes . . . and may a few other places:

• When we last spoke, "model" Melanie Iglesias was flipbooking her way into your heart with some Halloween costumes.  As luck would have, she released a new flipbook today in an effort to untz-untz her way back into your heart.
• What, was Rebecca Black not available?
• I am sorry, what?
• Nice tats boss . . . oh, and that goal was pretty solid too.  [Editor's Note: speaking of tats, wow . . . just wow . . .]
• You see . . . I . . . uh . . . well . . .
• Exactly how does one break a rib and three vertebrae?  Oh, that does not look like fun.
• Current favorite word of the week: equinophobia.
• What do you get when cross the Galapagos Islands with the Miss Reef calendar girls?  One ass-tastic piece of art.

Man, it feels good to be back.  Have a great weekend everyone!

When Fantasy Meets Reality . . .

. . . the Chief folds like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face . . . or something like that.

[Editor's Note: If you missed the Chief's 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview, which went up Tuesday, do yourself a favor and check it out.]

Between Monday and Wednesday of this week, I was asked for my take on the Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh brewhaha roughly eleventy billion times.  Needless to say, it was a perfect topic for the Link Dump introduction.  But by Wednesday I was a little tired of talking about it (yes, they're both to blame; no, it wasn't that big of deal, let's move on . . . oh, and Harbaugh's a jag-bag . . . now we'll move on).  So, I am not going to lie, I was kind of hoping something would come up between then and now that I could talk about instead.

And, as usual, the blog-o-sphere Gods came through in the clutch.

We have often discussed the Chief's "Top 5" here on GameTime, TBD©.  For the uninitiated, the Chief's "Top 5" is a list comprised of the five female celebrities the Chief would have a "hall pass" from my Better Half if the "opportunity" ever arose.  [Editor's Note: Don't worry, she has her list too; we're an equal opportunity household.]  While the list changes slightly from time to time (the bottom two slots usually rotate to the newest "it girl"), the top three have remained the same for quite some time:  (1) Marisa Miller (naturally), (b) today's Link Dump introduction (cliff hanger!!!!), and (iii) Kelly Ripa (I can't explain it, there's just something there).  I am sure our more avid readers already know who our mystery woman is; I mean she has shown up on this site once or twice before.  For those of you who do not, shame on you.

With the Chief desperate for a new introduction topic to magically fall into his lap, imagine what his surprise when, on Wednesday afternoon, not only did a new topic fall into his lap, the topic involved his "Top 5".  On Wednesday afternoon, the GameTime, TBD© office received a tenant notice email from the building managers, as we do from time to time (wow, twice in one post?).  Usually the email is about fire drills, elevator maintenance, protest alerts, lame things like that.  But this email was different, for this email read:

We have been informed that filming for the upcoming movie Underworld IV, staring Kate Beckinsale, will  be taking place this Thursday, October 20, 2011 from 6pm until 6am Friday morning.  The film crew has secured a City permit for the closing of the alley. This closure will affect the parking ally entrance and exit.  Once again the alley will close at 6pm on Thursday and all access to the parking structure will be from Figueroa Street.

If you read past the first line of that email then, congratulations, you got farther than the Chief did.  The Chief was clearly focused on one thing: this woman, number two on his list, was possibly going to be in the alley right behind the GameTime, TBD© offices.  There was an immediate call for an Underwold movie marathon (slightly weird) as part of an office slumber party (slightly more weird) all so the Chief could possibly make a move on a married woman filming scenes for a movie directed by her husband (good luck with that).  Thankfully, the Chief realized that the email did not state she WOULD be part of the filming, so he relented on the plans.  But it should surprise absolutely no one that, all day yesterday, the Chief could "feel her presence", like he was a jedi knight or something.

Now that the night has passed, the Chief is on a mission to verify that Ms. Beckinsale was not here yesterday to put his mind at ease about a "missed opportunity".  So, while we humor the poor guy by going to talk with some of the production crew still cleaning up the alley, here are some stories you might have missed from the week that was:

• Sometimes almost being traded can be a miracle in disguise.  Just ask Jerome Harrison.
• Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc . . . 
• Looks like Green Bay wide-receivers should have some pretty sweet entertainment centers by the end of the season.
• Allow me to be the first to welcome Bill Simmons aboard the Los Angeles Kings bandwagon.  At least I think that is what he is trying to say in this article about the NHL that seems to be about the NBA.
• What do you get when a newspaper, owned by a church that believed in black racial inferiority until 1978, writes an article about a predominantly black sport? This.
• Dwight Gooden confirms what we already knew/expected about Dwight Gooden.
• "Vegas loves long shots" . . .  except when said long shots are about to cost them some money.
•  There is always someone else to blame, right Charlie?
• Who knew getting drunk and throwing pointy objects at a wall could be so lucrative?  Having already mastered one of those, maybe I should consider a career change.  I mean, how hard is it to throw pointy objects?
• This is why I do not play professional sports.  [Editor's Note: right, that's why . . .]

We like to track our pageview data to see what topics tend to get us the most traffic and, surprising to some, our Kings season preview picked up a decent amount of traffic.  It should be interesting to see how Ms. Becksinsale stacks up (she certainly is stacked) against the Kings when this Dump goes to print.  Speaking of things to see (smooth transition as always), here are some videos to help your Friday afternoon fly by:

• Ever wonder what a squash ball hit 175 mph would do to a guy's back?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, we do now.
• Being the topper that I am, it is safe to say that when my yet-to-be-conceived child (don't want the 'rents to get the wrong idea) is old enough, we will crush this impressive Hot Wheels track.  [Editor's Note: eh, who am I kidding, I will probably do it this weekend.]
• I do not know about you, but I sure hate when someone posts video of me doing an awesome skateboard trick without my knowledge.
• The song in this video is terrible, the brunette dressed up as a referee in said video is not.  That is all.
• It is questions like this that prevent me from ever being able to go on Family Feud.
• Dirt Bike: 1, Random Chick: 0.
• I am guessing that crocodile will reconsider going after the full-grown adult elephant next time.
• Note to self, dinosaurs on steroids are scary.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Second Verse, Same As The First

[Editor's Note:  yes, I know the NHL regular season is a week old now, but I know you all are still dying to know what lies ahead for the Los Angeles Kings this season, right? RIGHT?]

It seems like only yesterday (probably cause I was still blacked-out until yesterday) that my friends and my Better Half teamed up to secretly add multiple ounces of sake to my beer before boisterously declaring it was time for another round of sake bombs on what was (from what I remember) a truly epic thirtieth birthday celebration.  Sadly though, the big three-one is already right around corner (December 17th . . . *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*) and, as Father Time prepares to put another tick mark next my name, I find myself having more and more adult-like thoughts . . . and it scares me.

Though I refuse to admit it around my Better Half (so don't go telling on me), I do actually find myself thinking more and more about what it will be like to have kids.  And what emotion do these thoughts evoke the most?  Fear, pure fear.  It is not a general fear about having kids.  Nah, I am pretty down with that thought.  Rather, it is fear that arises from being a self-aware individual that knows his shortcomings and knows that many of these shortcomings fly directly in the face of what I know I can expect once I become a father.  Having had the privilege of watching my siblings and siblings-in-law raise multiple future hockey players and/or GameTime, TBD© writers, I have gained a general understanding of what goes into to raising a monster child.  Sadly, it means I have also gained an understanding of where the challenges are going to lie.  Most notably, while I am known for my patience, one thing I absolutely hate having to do is repeat myself.  Can not stand it; I get uber-frustrated uber-quickly when I have to repeat myself.  So, that should make years two through eighteen pretty fun when the time comes, right?

So, as a man who hates to repeat himself, imagine my frustration when I sat down to prepare my 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview and I realized I could pretty much regurgitate everything I wrote when previewing the 2010-2011 season.  I mean, do not get me wrong, it was a great preview.  Plus, as it turns out, I was pretty much spot on with everything I wrote.  To summarize, I stated that for the Kings' 2010-2011 season to be successful, they must (1) maintain their regular-season closing ability, (b) learn to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improve their five-on-five scoring.  I also predicted Jonathan Bernier would be the Kings' breakout player of the year.  So, how did the season play out?  Well:

• Regular-season closing:  like the year prior, the 2010-2011 Kings managed at least one point in every game they led after two periods, going 26-0-1 (.963 win percentage), which was third best in the league.  They also were able to go 16-9-3 in games that were tied after two periods (.571 win percentage).  The 2010-2011 Kings proved they could still close in the regular season.
• Playoff closing: after earning their second-straight trip to the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Kings showed they had learned nothing from the year before.  As evidence, look no further than their game three collapse against San Jose in which they blew leads of 4-0 and 5-3 in the second period alone.  Once they lost that one, it was pretty clear that a first-round exit was inevitable and out in six they were.
• Five-on-five scoring:  well, the Kings offense was far from pretty last year.  If it was not for their spectacular defense (6th overall, 4th-best penalty kill, fewest power-play goals allowed), the Kings would not have made the playoffs.  Their offense was offensive, finishing 25th in the league overall and 21st on the power play.  The Kings managed only 148 goals five-on-five last year (17th best in the league) and scored only 209 goals total.
• Breakout player:  I chose our back-up goalie as our breakout player because I thought he would reduce the burden on Jonathan Quick by serving as a productive back-up goalie.  Bernier started 22 games last season, posting an 11-8-3 record with a respectable 2.48 goals-against average and .913 save percentage.  This allowed Quick to play in eleven fewer games and post career bests in goals-against average (2.24) and save percentage (.918).

So, at the risk of ticking myself off, the keys to the Kings 2011-2012 season are (1) maintaining their ability to close in the regular season, (b) learning to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improving their five-on-five scoring.  [Editor's Note: is there an echo in here?]  Thankfully, the Kings have Dean Lombardi, the best general manager in hockey, who spent the entire offseason making sure the Kings would not have a repeat season.  To be fair, the Kings offense took a major hit when they lost Anze Kopitar to a broken ankle with seven games left in the season.  But those seven games did not stop them from being a top-twenty offense.  And DL did try to address the scoring issues before Kopitar went down by acquiring Dustin Penner from Edmonton for a pile of [expletive deleted] at the trade deadline (jury is still out on who got the better deal).  But to be extra sure the offense improves this season, DL went on a shopping spree, trading uber-prospect Braden Schenn and fan-favorite Wayne Simmonds to Philadelphia for stud-center Mike Richards, signing veteran-winger Simon Gagne, re-signing franchise-defenseman Drew Doughty, and adding veteran depth/locker room leadership with the under-the-radar signings of Ehtan Moreau and Trent Hunter.

When all was said-and-done this offseason, the Kings had added $114.6 million in salary.  Ironically, Philip Anschutz-owned AEG bought the Kings out of bankruptcy in 1995 for only $113.25 million.  The addition of Richard and Gagne should, assuming Penner got himself into shape this offseason (jury is still out on that), give the Kings something they have lacked since the Gretzky era: two legitimate scoring lines and depth down the middle with Kopitar, Richards, and Jarret Stoll.  To top it all off, the Kings still have the cap space to add yet another top-six winger before the trade deadline if necessary (Zach Parise should would look nice in a Kings uniform).  By re-signing Doughty, the Kings are returning the same defensive group that allowed only 2.39 goals per game last year.  Add to that the fact the Kings have two number one goaltenders again this year, and you have yourself the makings of a pretty exciting season . . . at least on paper.  I guess it should come as no surprise that some experts have the Kings making their second Stanley Cup Finals appearance in franchise history.

Which brings me to this year's breakout player, the guy who is going to play the biggest role in helping the Kings get over the hump.  It is probably cheating to pick Mike Richards, what, since he already has two thirty-goal seasons, has scored 349 points in six season, and was the captain of the Flyers the last two seasons.  So I am going to go out on a limb and say this years breakout player is Simon Gagne.  Sure, Gagne is a two-time forty-goal scorer, but he has spent the better part of the last two seasons battling through injury and trying to regain his scoring touch.  If healthy, he will find that scoring touch.  It helps that he is being reunited with Richards, his former linemate during part of his ten seasons in Philadelphia.  I expect Gagne to net at least twenty-five goals this season, and if he plays in seventy-plus games, thirty is not out of the question.  Production like that gives the Kings two productive scoring lines to contend with come playoff time.

Come playoff time?  You bet your [expletive deleted] the Kings are headed back to the playoffs.  Expectations are again high for the Kings and, as was previously noted, so are mine.  I am both excited and nervous for the eighty-two games [Editor's Note: 78 . . .] that lie ahead because, for the first time in a long time (ever?), it is not just my bias that believes the Kings have legitimate shot at a run for the Cup.  Anything thing less than a deep playoff run will be a disappoint to most of the fans, myself included, and could actually spell the end of reign of Murray II.  I think they have what it takes this year, which means, come May/June, I fully expect to see Commissioner Bettman handing Lord Stanley's Cup to Dustin Brown.

And if that were to happen, maybe I will have my own future-hockey player/GameTime, TBD© writer come March 2013 . . . wait, what?

Dear God, It's Beautiful!

[Editor's Note: the title of this post is to be read like this, not like you're in a church service.  That is all.]

College football started last weekend, the NFL officially kicked off last night, the NHL returns in a month, and it is still bikini season in Southern California.  Life.  Is.  Good.

Another little-known highlight of this time of year is watching the Chief's great debate over fantasy football.  I am not talking about him agonizing over which player to draft when (to be honest, I've always been impressed with his "just tell me who's been injured and I'll go from there" attitude when drafting).  No, the Chief's great debate is always over how many leagues he should join.  It is comical.  Every year around early-August, the first invite comes in and, invariably, the Chief announces "I'm cutting back this year; it's time."  So, it is time for us to ask the question: Chief, how did that "cutting back" go this year?

Survey says . . . [click].

On Wednesday, the Chief entered the GameTime, TBD© offices with quite the serious look on his face.  Asked what the problem was, the Chief merely shook his head in disgust and responded "I just agreed to join a sixth fantasy football league."  You read that right, his SIXTH (6th) fantasy football league.  So much for cutting back.  To be fair, up until Tuesday, the Chief had done a mighty fine job of limiting himself to the four leagues he considers most important: (1) the sixteenth season with his high school friends; (b) the big money "actual work" league that he has dominated for four years; (iii) a keeper league with GameTime, TBD© regulars Moneybags, Ballgame, and the rest of the extended-college crew; and (4) a league full of jackasses (true story).  Little did the chief know that, on Wednesday morning, Grantland was going to introduce the world to a new type of fantasy football:  The Bad Quarterback League.  I kid you not when I say that, within minutes of that article being posted, the Chief's email and gchat exploded with invitations to join a Bad Quarterback League ("BQL").  How could he possibly resist a new type of league?  I will not lie, the fact he was able to limit himself to only two BQLs is a bit of a miracle in-and-of-itself.  But, nevertheless, here we are, one day into the 2011 NFL season and the Chief is juggling six different teams.  Come December, the Chief is either going to be rolling in the dough, or having that awkward conversation with My Better Half about why her Christmas gift is going to be a little smaller than normal.

My oh my, it is going to be a stressful season for the Chief.  But if there is one thing you know to be true, the Chief will never root for a player when facing his beloved Detroit Lions, no matter what is on the line.  So, while help the Chief sort through his various rosters and make those final starting line-up decisions, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your Friday afternoon:

• This one goes out to all of you who are (1) fans of the Lions, and (b) fans of an attractive woman wearing practically nothing.  [Editor's Note: is underboob considered NSFW?]
• If you have not heard (what, do you live in a cave?), the Chief's man crush is missing a game for the first time in his career . . . and that is a tough break for Rick Reilly.
• Arian Foster might not care what you think about his fantasy stats, but the NFL certainly does.
• Do not know which teams to bet on this weekend?  When all else fails, look to the WAGs.
• Just when I thought you could not possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this . . . and totally one up yourself.  Thank you, Canada.
• Women set record for world's longest hockey game.  Ten days long? Man, that is a lot of periods.
• Ah yes, the old "Do you know who I am?" defense.  Never seems to work out like you expect it to.
• "Should Notre Dame's Coach Be Fired for Cursing?"  Yes, you read that correctly.
•  Your sports-related "Good Samaritan of the Week" award goes to these two college football players.
• Which, naturally, leads us to our sports-related "Not-So-Good Samaritan of the Week" award . . . look at that face, is anyone really surprised?
• Speaking of faces, look at this face.  It screams cheater, does it not?
• Single and ready to mingle in England?  Here is hoping that the two percent of your population that looks good in lingerie are also Newcastle United fans.

As if I did not feel bad enough for England already.  First they had to deal with the heartbreak of the Chief declining duel citizenship when he turned eighteen.  And now comes word that only two percent . . . TWO PERCENT . . . of their population looks good in lingerie?  Ouch.  Well, at least we have a collection of videos for you that look in anything and everything.  I guess things are looking up for our English readers:

• The Onion Sports Network prepares you for the first week of NFL action as only the Onion Sports Network can . . . with rape jokes.  Yikes.
• To help the Chief make it through the first week of football without Peyton Manning since 1998, here are three of his favorite Manning commercials:  (1) laser-rocket arm, natch; (b) oh, CUT cut; and (iii) taking a hike.
• New Era is almost making me want to buy hats again, thanks to its Rivalry campaign, which has now brought us John Krapulewski and proof that 9-1-1 for rich people actually exists.
• You would think getting to bang Brooklyn Decker whenever you want would give you a cheery disposition, no?
• Soccer fail?  Soccer fail.
• Who knew BMX biking was so exciting?  Apparently these guys.

Before we bid you all adieu, we wanted to take a moment to remember all those lost ten years ago this Sunday on September 11th, 2001. The Chief was unable to come up with any words he deemed worthy enough to honor those who died on that, so he decided to add one extra video to this week's Link Dump.  It is the opening moments of David Letterman's first show after the events that have changed our country forever.  We remember those who lost their lives and give thanks for those who managed to survive.

Please, have a great weekend everyone!

Down, But Not Out

Unfortunately, it looks like things will be dark at the GameTime, TBD© offices for the next couple of weeks.  Sadly, "actual work" is going to prevent us from getting you a Link Dump this week.  Plus, the end of summer comes next week in the form of Labor Day, and The Chief is off to Seattle to spend one final weekend with his friends celebrating the summer that was.  So we will be down for the next couple weeks.

But do not think for one second that we are going to send you off empty handed.  Usually at this point in time, we throw up a picture of an attractive female celebrity, usually blond, to help provide at least some of you (read: all male readers and those female readers that are awesome) a little pleasure for your Friday grind.  Well, a few of our readers commented that they felt uncomfortable reading our Link Dump because they did not know if, once the page loaded, there would be a huge picture of a scantily-clad hottie for all to see on their office computer.  So, as proof that we do take your feed back very seriously, and definitely do not want to negatively impact your ability to enjoy our site at all times, we will no longer be throwing up random pictures of scantily-clad attractive women, usually blond.  Instead, we will either provide you with a link to a picture of a scantily-clad attractive woman, usually blond, or embed a video of the same.

For our first go-round of this new strategy, we have a video.  Now, the video does not really need an introduction, but you are getting one nonetheless.  I had a dream last night and, while some of details of said dream are hazy at best, one part really stands out.  In my dream, My Better Half's entire wardrobe consisted of lingerie; and for some reason it was not seen as a sexual thing because it was just her wardrobe.  She was a kept woman in the dream, so she did not have to wear lingerie to work.  But, going to the grocery store? Cooking dinner? Going to the mall?  Nothing like a chemise and thigh-highs to get you through the day.  Now, anyone who knows us knows that I severely out kicked my coverage with My Better Half; certified smokeshow.  So in real life, this would not work because we would never leave our house.  But in dream land? I certainly am not going to complain.  And when I thought about what might have been the impetus for this dream (besides a general desire to see My Better Half in lingerie more often), I realized I had the video we are using to appease you all to thank.  Yes, it is two minutes and forty seconds of a behind-the-scenes look at a Sara Jean Underwood lingerie shoot (would you look at that, attractive female, usually blond . . . go figure).  You.  Are.  Welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oopsies

Two things:

(1) First and foremost, we would like to apologize for the complete radio silence last Friday here at GameTime, TBD©.  My Better Half and I celebrated our third anniversary last week (time flies when you're having fun) and as our gifts to each other we planned a group orgy trip to San Francisco for the Outside Lands music festival.  We flew up to San Francisco early Friday and, in all the excitement, I shirked my duties to you, our dear readers, and failed to provide you with any form of entertainment whatsoever.  If it makes you feel any better, the festival was totally uh-mazing.  It was highlighted by Muse on Saturday night, which was pretty much one of the best live shows I have seen.  I also got to see Majer Lazer, Arcade Fire, Phish, OK Go, The Arctic Monkeys, Deadmau5 (which My Better Half said sounded like one long song [shakes head]) and The Black Keys, who were, by far, the surprise performance of the weekend for me.  And it was all punctuated by the fact that I got to enjoy the weekend with My Better Half in celebration of three great years.

(B) Speaking of My Better Half, she and I dove into Season 2 of The Tudors this week (yes we're a little behind the times).  If you have not seen The Tudors, the show can essentially be broken down into two parts, (1) Henry VIII yelling, and (b) people getting it on (turns out people loved to do the nasty back then, who knew?).  Anyways, during a scene of the latter kind with Henry and Anne Boleyn, My Better Half said the following:  "Natalie Dormer (actress who plays Anne Boleyn) has an amazing rack."  I commented that I thought they looked kind of fake because they did not really move, to which My Better Half noted that it was more the position of her body preventing them from moving and they were definitely not fake.   [Editor's Note: reason no. 347,218,769 why My Better Half is better than yours . . . she's so confident in herself that she strikes up conversations about other chicks breasts.]

For the record, I am absolutely terrible at telling the difference between real and fake breasts.  Unless a woman is rocking sweater kittens pointing north of the border, I am just as likely to think someone is wearing a good push-up bra as I am to think they paid ten grand for the right to never wear a bra again.  I attribute this deficiency to two things: (1) my general lack of interest in strip clubs, porn, and the like; and, somewhat related, (b) never having seen a pair up close (to my knowledge) and/or felt a pair.  To be honest, it is somewhat embarrassing when I am totally oblivious and either my friends or My Better Half makes a comment and I am none-the-wiser.  This is a problem I would like to remedy.  So, if (1) you are a reader of GameTime, TBD©, (b) have fake breasts, and (iii) are cool with me feeling your fake rack in a totally platonic way, go ahead and drop us a line via Twitter or email.  Do not worry, I figure the whole scene will play out something like this (which will be followed by this interaction with one of my friends . . . naturally).

Well, our little corner of the world wide web is so popular, I imagine the offers from fake-breasted ladies should start rolling in any moment now.  So while we are off checking Twitter and our email, here are some things you might have missed from the week that was:

• Okay, so I am pretty sure you did not miss the news about "The U", but if you have not read the official Yahoo Sports report, I recommend you do so now.
• Now, that you are caught up on all the dirty details, this flowchart should make more sense.
• With people debating whether or not Miami should get the "death penalty" for its transgressions, I think it is time we check in with Southern Methodist University, the only school to actually receive the death penalty, and their new strip club-esque football locker room.
• Well, at least he was honest.
• The lawsuit ten years in the making has finally arrived.
• Would you look at that, intelligent life does exist inside the New York Islanders organization.
• "This is a beautiful story of modern reconciliation."
• Baseball players always manage to find interesting ways to injure themselves.  Today's culprit: sleep.
• Let this be a lesson to you children, think twice before speeding on your motorcycle with multiple loaded guns.
• Robbie Keane is bringing his talents to Los Angeles.  Of course, by "his talents", I meant these. [Editor's Note: fake, right?]
• If ever there was a good reason for workers to strike, I would think "when a barrel filled with chemical products exploded" is it.
• When future law students study the First Amendment, this should be an interesting topic of discussion.

Right, the offers will start rolling in any second now . . . [checks watch] . . . well, you know, it is Friday and I am sure most of you are just trying to get out early.  So I imagine they will come in this weekend, and then we can go from there.  In the meantime, here are some videos to help you get through the rest of your work week.  Just as a heads up, this is probably, time wise, the longest collection of videos we have ever posted.  Excited?  Here we go:

• Twelve minutes of girl fails?  Twelve minutes of [mostly-drunk] girl fails.
• As it turns out, some of the most famous lines/scenes in cinematic history were never scripted; go figure.  [Editor's Note: strong language, headphones/closing of office door advised.]
• Ages ago, we brought you "Batting Stance Guy" impersonating . . . well . . . batting stances.  As it turns out, he does some other pretty solid impersonations as well.
• Ah yes, the old "racket-to-balls" trick.  Gets them every time.
• Why use just words when you can look like an idiot instead?  Thanks, ESPN.
• I would not mind seeing a few more Swingers references around here, so might as well get the ball rolling on that one.
• Not shown: me doing everything Danny MacAskill does . . . blindfolded.
• I imagine the presidential primaries will be providing Jimmy Kimmel with plenty of unnecessary censorship opportunities.  Oh look, I am right.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Commence Operation: Game Changer

One of the reasons I chose to go with complete anonymity on GameTime, TBD© is that it allows me to talk more openly about things without embarrassing people too much.  Sure, many of my most avid readers are close friends, so the anonymity is somewhat wasted.  Yet my little corner of the world wide web is open to any and all comers, and I want them to be able to enjoy this site for not only our humor, but our willingness to open about life as well.  After all, it is "a look at sports and life".

Training for four half marathons over the past year has definitely taught me a lot of things.  After all, you can go crazy if you do not have something interesting to focus on during miles ten and beyond.  Sometimes I will just focus on another runner to help me keep pace (a "carrot" if you will).  Other times I focus on things going on in my life to distract me from my legs' constant questioning of "What did we do to you to deserve this?"  But while I have mastered the tricks necessary to get through my training, I have yet conquer, perhaps, the greatest hurdle:  the overwhelming disappointment I feel in myself when a run does not go as well as I thought.

Distance running is a fickle sport.  There are so many factors that contribute to the success, or lack thereof, for any given run.  Temperature, wind, the call of nature, road conditions, and other runners are just a few.  These are things that are out of a runners' control.  But I am a competitive person, so when a run does not go as well as I had planned, I tend to be consumed by thoughts of what I did or did not do that contributed to the outcome.

If you have not guessed it by now, the San Francisco Half Marathon did not go as well as I had hoped.  I will not lie, it was my slowest of the four.  And to top it off, around mile ten I got [censored] on by a bird.  And while my Better Half and my friends are great at making me feel better, the results have been eating away at me all week.  And that is how I have gotten to this point, the start of what I call Operation: Game Changer.  If I am going to be the runner I know I can be, some things have got to change.  For starters, I did battle through a little burn out during training this time around, so I am taking the six weeks I have between now and the start of the next training period to enjoy some new forms of physical activities.  For example, I did yoga with my Better Half this week (#WINNING), and it was great.  I can also take this time to throw some weight training back into the routine, which is always enjoyable.  Sure, I still need to run to keep my base up, but I am going to embrace the opportunity to freshen up my non-running days.  Most importantly, however, is that I am going to really focus on my nutrition and finally conquer some of my life-long weight issues.  Sure, my height and broad shoulders allow me to carry my weight without looking big, but the GameTime, TBD© family has not been blessed with best knees in the business.  I have been stuck in this 225 to 230 pound zone for far too long.  If I can get back to my "playing" weight, I figure the reduced stress on my joints is going to be good for a couple extra minutes alone.

My next half marathon is the Big Sur Half on November 20th.  I actually run that half as a training run for the Surf City Half Marathon that falls on Super Bowl Sunday.  But that will be my first marker of progress, and a run I am looking forward to more than ever.  Operation: Game Changer has officially commenced.

Okay, that was probably a little heavier than you were expecting for your Link Dump introduction.  So how about we me just go ahead and get to the more entertaining portion of our show?

• Look, Michelle, reputations come from somewhere.  So maybe you need to think about your role in all of this as well.
• Feel-good, stor-y (clap, clap, clap clap clap).
• Northwestern wants your help picking its new basketball court design.  Choice E, "Are These The Only Choices?", strangely absent.
• Matt Stairs retired on Wednesday, which is only news because it allows us to revisit the greatest quote in post-game press conference history.
• I do not remember this scene from Bull Durham.
• Perhaps a couple years in college would have done him some good.
• "Walker attempted to eat eight grams of marijuana before being arrested."
• Funny, I always thought "nude recreation" was a major offered at ASU.  After all, is that not how most of its female population spends the majority of their six years there?
• I am going to go out on a limb and guess that she is probably looking for some new representation at this point in time.

I am not going to lie, while I am glad the NFL lockout is over, it has made it a lot more difficult to find entertaining stories for the Link Dump.  The crazed coverage that all the sports media outlets are giving to the NFL is getting a little annoying.  However, while the NFL coverage has limited our access to entertaining stories, it has not limited our access to entertaining videos.  Hooray!

• I played soccer for twelve years, and was definitely above average [Editor's Note: #humblebrag].  That being said, I could not do this if you gave one thousand chances (I'm guessing).
• In these fifty-nine seconds, the womens' athletic movement is set back roughly two decades.  Impressive, no? 
• Oh, and this is not helping either.
• See . . . I . . . what I meant was . . . um . . .
• A double dose of Jimmy Kimmel for you this week: (1) the always enjoyable (at least to me) Unnecessary Censorship; and (b) an introduction to Tiger Woods's new caddy.
• After watching this waterslide fail, I guess I can not be too surprised about the grammar fail.
• The best three minutes of your day.  [Editor's Note: TWSS!]

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just One of Those Days . . .

Well, this happened last night and, not surprisingly, the Chief called in "sick" this morning.  He told us to close up shop earlier because it is Good Friday and "apparently that's some sort of holiday that people use as an excuse to leave work early."  Far be it from us to argue with a man telling us to go home early.

That being said, he demanded we not get too lazy and "make sure [we] send all of GameTime, TBD©'s avid readers off with a little treat for the holiday weekend."  I am not completely clear on what he meant by treat, but I am going to guess he meant this:

 

 Ah, Marisa, welcome back.  It has been far too long.  The picture was posted to her blog as a "sneak peek" of a recent photo shoot she did.  She does not reveal what shoot it was, but she casually mentions "I haven’t done something this sexy in a while."  Needless to say, we can not wait to see what the rest of the shoot looked like.  That being said, I am definitely going to try to convince my Better Half that she should be lounging around the house in high heels and her underwear from now on.  That should go well.

Also, our original intention with our "little treat" was to find a picture of an attractive female wearing a Kings jersey to remind the Chief that at least something good can come from wearing the uniform, but our search went about as well as Jonathan Quick stopped pucks over these past two games.  So, it you are an attractive female looking for more exposure, you should totally email or tweet us a picture of you in a Kings jersey and help make the Chief feel a little better.

Last, but certainly not least, do not think we would dare consider sending you off without at least a few clips for your viewing pleasure.  This is, after all, a civilized blog.  So:

• Esquire has put together a list of fifty songs all guys should know.  And to help you remember them, they enlisted Glee's Heather Morris to dance to them. So, now when you are asked what song was your favorite, you can respond "Huh? Songs?"
• Can you tell me how to get to Houston Street?
• I think Brian Wilson's beard ranks second on my list of "Most Distracting Things in the World".
• [*Mortal Kombat voice*] Flawless victory.
• Cause, you know, the blue blends right in with the ice . . .
• Note to self: Sarah Palin will not give sympathy BJs to the Democrats.

Have a great weekend everyone!

One Game Down, Down One Game

Here are some of things we learned from last night's opener of the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Shark's playoff series:

1. The Kings are down one game to none.
2. It is going to be a great series.
3. Thirty seconds into the game, My Better Half had the nerve to say: "They're good.  I mean, no offense, but that was a nice play."
4. According to random homeless guys in San Francisco, "75% of teams that have won the Stanley Cup lost game 1."*
5. There is a very real possibility that the Chief can not be friends with any of his friends/family members who are San Jose Sharks fans for the next two weeks, give or take a couple of days.  The real question is: will they want to be friends with him when it is all said and done? Mostly said though . . . 
6. Three twenty-two ounce beers with an alcohol-by-volume of 9.5% or more will render a grown man relatively useless the next day.

Indeed, the Chief walked into to work looking like a man whose team lost an overtime playoff game last night.  It truly was a sight to be seen.  When asked for comment on the game he responded: "Shhhhh, do you have to yell?  I'm right here."  I guess the body does not recover like it used to when you are an old man.  And then I had to do something I am not proud of.  I said: "Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!"

His first look made me think I was going to lose my job.  But then we caught a glimpse of the Chief we all know and love.  He chugged his venti coffee, took a deep breath, and gave us his analysis.  He was pleased with the Kings effort, blah, blah, blah.  Glad they did not get down on themselves after giving up that early goal, yada, yada, yada.  And then he touched the third rail, saying "there is no way that Jarret Stoll should be suspended for the second game", which is a rumor circulating on Twitter right now.  He claims to have watched the hit one hundred times since the game ended (we wouldn't doubt him), and he maintains that it was an unfortunate result of Ian White being in a bad position at the time of the hit.  It is unfortunate when a play like that ends in an injury, but Stoll is not a dirty player.  That being said, the NHL, like every other league, is trying to crack down on "hits to the head" and I would not be surprised if the league sat Stoll for a game.  The Chief acknowledged he would not be surprised if that happened either but maintained his position that it was not warranted and also pointed out that, "if Stoll is suspended for one game, then Sharks defenseman Jason Demers should sit for a game for his non-penalized hit on Ryan Smyth.  Last time I checked, leaving your feet is charging, and throwing an elbow at a player's head would seem to constitute a 'hit to the head' in my book.  The only difference I can see is that Smyth was not hurt on the play while White was."  Pretty impressive that the Chief can link to sources while talking, is it not?  Oh, and he makes a decent point too.

And to prove that the Chief we know and love is still in there, he finished with "Now, get that Link Dump done so we can go grab some beer and wings; I could really use a little hair of the dog."  Ask and ye shall receive:

• Allow us to introduce you to the sport of Hurling with such phrases as "fractured eye socket," "had the finger reattached," and "shattered one testicle, had to have half the second removed".
• "Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi." 
• Major League Baseball looks at the data and discovers that, apparently, high-definition television are not going anywhere anytime soon.
• Your "Uplifting Story of the Week": prognosis good for partially-paralyzed outfielder.
• Hmm . . . did I ever bet on a University of San Diego basketball game?
• But what happens to the statue when he has to return the Heisman in two years?
• NFL Network trades Joe Theismann and Matt Millen for Mike Mayock and an announcer to be named later. 
• Did you mean "train wreck", Matt?
• Want to miss the cut at the Masters?  This yardage book should help.
• Speaking of missing the cut, I am going to go out on a limb and say it will take an impressive second round out of Kevin Na for him to make the cut after this. 
• I would not mind having Sophie Horn in my next foursome . . . wait, what?
• Should be much easier for Mike Tyson to eat those children now.
• Clijsters got hurt how?
• British courts are not afraid to order gagging as part of affairs? Kinky.
• Taking the phrase "sex sells" to a whole new level.

So, anyone interested in joining us for beer, wings, and whatever sports happen to be on television right now?  Ha, trick question.  You are all too busy reading this Link Dump, enjoying those links above, and getting ready to enjoy the videos.  But, if you would like to join us, drop us a line . . . once you have watched these:

• Have you watched the intro video to Kate Upton's website?  No?  You. Are. Welcome.
• Am I supposed to be surprised an unmanned tractor wreaked havoc in a Walmart parking lot?  
• Good to see the Royals organization's ability to fail extends beyond just their baseball team.
• As the title of the video suggests, is this even human?
• If you missed the first episode of Norm McDonald's new sports show (conveniently titled "Sports Show with Norm McDonald"), then you missed this.
• And if you missed opening day at Wrigley Field, then you missed this.  Of course, you might just have been too drunk to remember.
• Sounds like Mayor Viaragosa has some interesting plans for Los Angeles moving forward.  

Have a great weekend everyone!


*No homeless people were hurt in the making of this blog.

Does Size Really Matter?

Hello friends.  Well, sadly, actual work has once again reared its ugly head, and that has left the writers here at GameTime, TBD© without enough time or oversight to bring you your weekly dose of entertainment, also known as the Link Dump.  But what would a Friday be without a little entertainment and, more importantly, a heated debate amongst friends?

As most of you know, the Chief is a legs and butt man.  A woman with a nice set of stems will drive him wild.  This developed mostly out of (1) his love for petite women, and (b) his fear of the damage that can be caused by a set of large knockers.  Do not get me, he is not about turn a blind eye to what a woman has going on up top (after all, a lot of them paid good money for those), but he has an unnatural fear of getting knocked unconscious by an arrant boob shot to the head.  [Editor's Note: seriously, try as you might, you will never be able to convince me that a set like these couldn't kill a man.  I mean, I could think of worse ways to go, but still . . .].  Plus, a nice pair of legs and a shapely butt usually tend to indicate that the woman takes care of her body, so you are likely to find the rest of her very appealing as well.

Well, if we are talking about the Chief's preference in women, and we do not have enough time for a full Link Dump, that can only me one thing.  That is right, dear readers, it is time for GameTime, TBD©'s next installment of M-F-K: the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee ("IBTC") Edition.  So, we would like to know who of these "IBTC" members you would marry, [censored], and kill:  (1) Kristen Bell; (b) Keira Knightley; and (iii) Natalie Portman.

We asked the Chief to provide us with his analysis, so here we go.  Three beautiful women, all with great legs and butts [Editor's Note: boy, researching for this post was really tough . . .], and a top half proportionate to their body?  You can not really go wrong here.  That being said, those of you who know my preference in women, and know my Better Half, know that I will be marrying Kristen Bell.  No point in trying to pretend otherwise.  As part of our inevitable prenuptial agreement, I would negotiate a clause requiring her to walk three feet in front of me at all times just so I could constantly be checking her out her backside.  I mean, is that not why we gentlemen live by the motto "ladies first"?  Personally, I think the Japanese culture got it backwards by making women walk behind their husbands.  You can not enjoy the view that way.

As for which one I [censored] and which one I kill, that is a bit trickier.  If you had presented this scenario to me a couple of years ago, it would have been simple, Natalie Portman gets to taste the goods and Keira Knightley meets an untimely end.  Natalie Portman was my first celebrity crush, dating all the way back to her roll as Matilda in The Professional.  [Editor's Note: we're only 6-months apart age wise, so that isn't as creepy as it sounds . . . I hope.]  The funny thing is, while Natalie Portman has peeked career-wise over the past few years, her curb appeal has dropped a little in my book.  First, she went all boy haircut on us, and then she decided to go and get herself knocked up.  Keira Knightley, on the other hand, is the model of consistency.   The movie she is in might not be is not very good, but she is going to look good doing it and her accent rocks.  All that being said, you know I am loyal to a fault.  I wish I knew how to quit you Natalie Portman.  [Editor's Note: her being in like eleventy billion movies this year isn't helping, that's for sure.]  So, dear Keira, as good as you looked as pirate, it is time for you to walk the plank while Natalie walks my plank (Hey-OH!).

So, with that, we must cut things short and get back to life in the real world.  We hope you are able to enjoy your Friday afternoon and the heated debate we know you are about to have with those around you.  But with all this talk of legs and boobs, we thought we would leave you with one more relevant video, compliments of Spring Break 2011: "She's top heavy guys, she's top heavy."

Have a great weekend everyone!