When Fantasy Meets Reality . . .

. . . the Chief folds like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face . . . or something like that.

[Editor's Note: If you missed the Chief's 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview, which went up Tuesday, do yourself a favor and check it out.]

Between Monday and Wednesday of this week, I was asked for my take on the Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh brewhaha roughly eleventy billion times.  Needless to say, it was a perfect topic for the Link Dump introduction.  But by Wednesday I was a little tired of talking about it (yes, they're both to blame; no, it wasn't that big of deal, let's move on . . . oh, and Harbaugh's a jag-bag . . . now we'll move on).  So, I am not going to lie, I was kind of hoping something would come up between then and now that I could talk about instead.

And, as usual, the blog-o-sphere Gods came through in the clutch.

We have often discussed the Chief's "Top 5" here on GameTime, TBD©.  For the uninitiated, the Chief's "Top 5" is a list comprised of the five female celebrities the Chief would have a "hall pass" from my Better Half if the "opportunity" ever arose.  [Editor's Note: Don't worry, she has her list too; we're an equal opportunity household.]  While the list changes slightly from time to time (the bottom two slots usually rotate to the newest "it girl"), the top three have remained the same for quite some time:  (1) Marisa Miller (naturally), (b) today's Link Dump introduction (cliff hanger!!!!), and (iii) Kelly Ripa (I can't explain it, there's just something there).  I am sure our more avid readers already know who our mystery woman is; I mean she has shown up on this site once or twice before.  For those of you who do not, shame on you.

With the Chief desperate for a new introduction topic to magically fall into his lap, imagine what his surprise when, on Wednesday afternoon, not only did a new topic fall into his lap, the topic involved his "Top 5".  On Wednesday afternoon, the GameTime, TBD© office received a tenant notice email from the building managers, as we do from time to time (wow, twice in one post?).  Usually the email is about fire drills, elevator maintenance, protest alerts, lame things like that.  But this email was different, for this email read:

We have been informed that filming for the upcoming movie Underworld IV, staring Kate Beckinsale, will  be taking place this Thursday, October 20, 2011 from 6pm until 6am Friday morning.  The film crew has secured a City permit for the closing of the alley. This closure will affect the parking ally entrance and exit.  Once again the alley will close at 6pm on Thursday and all access to the parking structure will be from Figueroa Street.

If you read past the first line of that email then, congratulations, you got farther than the Chief did.  The Chief was clearly focused on one thing: this woman, number two on his list, was possibly going to be in the alley right behind the GameTime, TBD© offices.  There was an immediate call for an Underwold movie marathon (slightly weird) as part of an office slumber party (slightly more weird) all so the Chief could possibly make a move on a married woman filming scenes for a movie directed by her husband (good luck with that).  Thankfully, the Chief realized that the email did not state she WOULD be part of the filming, so he relented on the plans.  But it should surprise absolutely no one that, all day yesterday, the Chief could "feel her presence", like he was a jedi knight or something.

Now that the night has passed, the Chief is on a mission to verify that Ms. Beckinsale was not here yesterday to put his mind at ease about a "missed opportunity".  So, while we humor the poor guy by going to talk with some of the production crew still cleaning up the alley, here are some stories you might have missed from the week that was:

• Sometimes almost being traded can be a miracle in disguise.  Just ask Jerome Harrison.
• Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc . . . 
• Looks like Green Bay wide-receivers should have some pretty sweet entertainment centers by the end of the season.
• Allow me to be the first to welcome Bill Simmons aboard the Los Angeles Kings bandwagon.  At least I think that is what he is trying to say in this article about the NHL that seems to be about the NBA.
• What do you get when a newspaper, owned by a church that believed in black racial inferiority until 1978, writes an article about a predominantly black sport? This.
• Dwight Gooden confirms what we already knew/expected about Dwight Gooden.
• "Vegas loves long shots" . . .  except when said long shots are about to cost them some money.
•  There is always someone else to blame, right Charlie?
• Who knew getting drunk and throwing pointy objects at a wall could be so lucrative?  Having already mastered one of those, maybe I should consider a career change.  I mean, how hard is it to throw pointy objects?
• This is why I do not play professional sports.  [Editor's Note: right, that's why . . .]

We like to track our pageview data to see what topics tend to get us the most traffic and, surprising to some, our Kings season preview picked up a decent amount of traffic.  It should be interesting to see how Ms. Becksinsale stacks up (she certainly is stacked) against the Kings when this Dump goes to print.  Speaking of things to see (smooth transition as always), here are some videos to help your Friday afternoon fly by:

• Ever wonder what a squash ball hit 175 mph would do to a guy's back?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, we do now.
• Being the topper that I am, it is safe to say that when my yet-to-be-conceived child (don't want the 'rents to get the wrong idea) is old enough, we will crush this impressive Hot Wheels track.  [Editor's Note: eh, who am I kidding, I will probably do it this weekend.]
• I do not know about you, but I sure hate when someone posts video of me doing an awesome skateboard trick without my knowledge.
• The song in this video is terrible, the brunette dressed up as a referee in said video is not.  That is all.
• It is questions like this that prevent me from ever being able to go on Family Feud.
• Dirt Bike: 1, Random Chick: 0.
• I am guessing that crocodile will reconsider going after the full-grown adult elephant next time.
• Note to self, dinosaurs on steroids are scary.

Have a great weekend everyone!