Don't Be Jealous

[Editor's Note:  We were piecing together a solid introduction on responsible blogging, but a funny thing happened on the way to print . . . actual work.  What's that about?  So, we have had to scrap that introduction in the short term and move on with a quicker, more efficient opening.  But responsible blogging is a subject I take very seriously and is something I will definitely touch upon in the near future.  In the meantime, you have settle for another topic near and dear to my heart . . .]

I think it is safe to say that we all love vacations.  There are few things in this world better than spending an extended period of time without the worries and stresses of our everyday lives.  And, of course, who does not love the pre-vacation countdown?  And how about the direct correlation between days left until vacation and work productivity?  Well, today marks single digits remaining until the Chief and the Better Half head off on a much needed vacation.  That is right, they are official t-minus nine days and counting.  We do not want to make you jealous of where they are going [Editor's Note: *cough* *cough* Hawaii *cough* *cough* . . . boy, I hope I'm able to kick this cold before vacation . . .], so we will just leave it at that.  And, of course, a vacation for the Chief means a vacation for the rest of the GameTime, TBD© office because we are equal opportunity vacationers.  Sounds good, right?  But rest assured, dear readers, no matter where the Chief is, he is always trying to find ways to improve things around here to make it even better for you.  In fact, he is already holding "staff" meetings to cover what he hopes we will be able to accomplish on behalf of our little slice of the world wide web pie while the office is dark.  And I imagine he will be traveling with his prized journal, the holder of his creative genius, so that he can finally crank out the first original pieces of GameTime, TBD© content this year.  Believe you me, nothing gets the Chief's creative juices flowing like sipping cocktails and catching some rays on the white-sand beaches of the Big Island some tropical destination that shall remain nameless.

But let us not get too far ahead of ourselves.  Nine days means we still have two Fridays and, thus, two Link Dumps to get through.  After all, as our work productivity slowly works it way towards zero, we need something to keep us entertained.  And, more importantly, you, our dear readers, still have a Friday afternoon to get through without going postal on your boss and/or co-workers.  That is why we are here.

So, while we prepare for the next staff meeting, and while the Chief finalizes what restaurants he and the Better Half are going to be enjoying, here are some things you might have missed from this past week:

• What is wrong with this sentence:  "Marisa Miller is a fairly attractive young lady."?
• Speaking of Marisa, it is good to know she prefers the four-point stance when playing football.
• A brief follow-up to last week's M-F-K:  Mike Fisher's wife now cheers for the Nashville Predators.
• So, this guy is pretty much the anti-Lenny Dykstra of entrepreneurial professional athletes then?
• A classy move by a hockey player saves a dumb* fan ten dollars. [Editor's Note:  *everyone knows setting your beer on the dasher boards is just asking for trouble. EVERYBODY!]
• An estimated 111 million people watched the Super Bowl. That means an estimated 111 million people saw A-Rod get fed popcorn like the little [censored] he is.  His response? To be a little [censored].
• Ballsy move by Mike McCarthy before the Super Bowl even kicked off.
• Well, that is a huge weight of my chest.  Baseball Prospectus has finally figured out what baseball game Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron went to.
• A perfect record we should all applaud.
• For the record, this is not an NCAA violation.  Common sense would have told you that, but that is one thing the NCAA seems to be lacking.
• Who knew saying something like "Well, you guys don't go out and play [racial slur deleted] basketball." would get you canned?  Everyone but this guy.
• One day, Disney will write a movie "based" on a true story.  Of course, in that movie the double-amputee pitcher does not get cut from his high school baseball team.
• Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys . . . soccer players make way more.

If you are not following us on Twitter [Editor's Note: Shame. On. You.], then you missed the news that the Chief rocked the Surf City Half Marathon last weekend, setting a new personal best of 1:57:20.  Well, he ran with a camera and for this week's video portion of the Link Dump we proudly present one hour and fifty-seven minutes of running . . . just kidding.  Though, from what we hear, it would be a pretty entertaining video.  As the Chief put it: "I found this runner who was looked in on my target pace and ran about five yards behind the whole race.  The runner also happened to be an attractive female, so that was nice.  I was a category five creeper for the entire run."  Good work, Chief!  To celebrate, funny videos:

• You need a YouTube account, the language will get you fired, and females who do not read this site regularly are likely to be offended . . . must be a winner.
• If this does not get excited for the next Lions’ season (if there is one) then I do not know what will.  No, seriously.
• Thank you, Captain Obvious.  
• You got served.  Oh, it is on.
• Is this the worst miss in the history of . . . well . . . ever?
• There is only one way to follow up a miss like that . . .
• Poor form, a little rough on the landing; may have to settle for the bronze.
• The saga of Harry Baals.
• Hey Jennifer, call me.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Fun (?) in the Sun

Well, we are t-minus two days from the Chief embarking on his third half marathon in a little over seven months.  He will be running the Surf City Half Marathon on Sunday down in sunny Huntington Beach, California.  And while he is not necessarily an "elite" runner, the Chief's competitive streak has been well documented on GameTime, TBD©.  So, as you can imagine, he is taking these final two days (a little too) seriously.  For example, a buddy of his who is an avid racer, including an Iron Man, once told him the key to race-day hydration is extra hydration two days prior to the race (that would be today).  So, upon entering the GameTime, TBD© office this morning, the Chief announced he would be peeing clear by noon.  [Editor's Note:  TMI? Probably.  Would you expect anything less from us?  Absolutely not.]  He informed me that today's Link Dump was completely up to me because he was going to "be drinking straight outta the Pure water machine all day."  That is putting a lot of power in my hands.  But, with great power comes great responsibility.  So here we go.

Over the past two Link Dumps, we have featured two of our favorite things as the introduction:  (1) hockey, and (b) hot chicks.  Since then, we have seen hockey viewing and our readership both increase.  Coincidence?  We think not.  And this got me thinking: "How do we build on this momentum?"  By combining the two!  Ain't that right, Boom?  

So it is with great pleasure I present to you, Marry-[Censored]-Kill:  Hockey WAG Edition.  I briefly consider M-F-K: Kings Ice Crew Edition, but realized I did not want to alienate our non-Los Angeles readership.  I must admit, it was both fun and educational preparing this introduction.  For starters, being a WAG (a common acronym for "wives and girlfriends") is much different than being a Puck Bunny; nothing good comes from calling someone a puck bunny.  And, as it turns out, there are a lot of hockey players pulling in top-notch tail.  Of course, some of the top-notch tail is more well known than others, so we focused on those women with more notoriety.  Then we narrowed down the contestants to current WAGs only, no ex-WAGs allowed (sorry Kournikova, you're out).  And after lengthy deliberations (read: Google image searches), we found our three.  So readers of GameTime, TBD©, we ask you, who would you marry, [censored], and kill:  (1) Melanie Collins (ESPN's Pageviews 2.0 and girlfriend of Phoenix forward Scottie Upshall); (b) Willa Ford (singer/model and wife of Detroit forward Mike Modano); or (iii) Carrie Underwood (singer and wife of Ottawa forward Mike Fisher)?  Have fun.

While you debate the merits of these hockey WAGs, we are going to go check on the Chief to make sure his hydration is going well.  And just in case we are not back by the time you finish (hey-oh!), here are some things you might have missed from the past week:

• Askmen.com tells the world something readers of GameTime, TBD© already know:  Blake Lively is hot.
• It turns out the New York Islanders' marketing team is about as good as the hockey team.
• Hope the snow storm did not make you late to last night's Boston Bruins-Dallas Stars game.
• If your office Super Bowl squares do not turn out well (like mine), invite everyone to play a little Super Bowl Bingo.
• "You can make it with some loser you found on the Internet anytime … the Super Bowl is only once a year."  That about sums it up.
• When a quarterback in your league takes illegal funds, you drag your feet.  But when a school dares to use attractive women during national signing day, you take immediate action.  That is the SEC for you.
• Three stars for football skills, five stars for illegal procedure.
• "America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In [Allen], Texas, there is another society which has it's own laws. Football is a way of life."
• Everyone should feel bad for Cal Ripken, Jr. now.  [Editor's Note: here's the card.]
• Sometimes people from the South make it too easy.
• It is still real to me, damn it.

This is your "Hydration Watch 2011" update:  although the Chief still insisted on having his morning coffee, he has managed to consume eight cups of water this morning.  However, we have yet to receive confirmation that his "pee clear before noon" mission has been a success.  We will keep you updated throughout the day as this story progresses.  In the meantime, here are some videos for you to enjoy:

• Your "Sad, But True" fact of the day: we all know someone who does this dance a little too well.
• Who wants to see Bill Simmons have a fangasm over Blake Griffin?  Of course you do.
• I will go ahead and say The Weather Channel is the perfect place for Jim Cantore to be working.
• Speaking of weathermen, let us remember that they are paid to predict the weather, not count.
• What were you saying about injuries?
• In case you "happened" to miss that Croatia vs. Slovakia mens' doubles tennis match this past week, here is the highlight.
• One and done.  [Update: apparently it's one and done for 4-6 weeks...]
• Not the best time to lose an edge there, ref.
• And, of course, no Link Dump is complete without JKL's latest installment of TWIUC.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Bank Error In Your Favor

[Editor's Note: for those of you who don't follow hockey too closely, you might not be aware that the Kings have started 2011 with a 1-5 record and have lost seven of eight dating back to late-December.  Needless to say, this has gotten the Chief in a bit of a tizzy.  His first draft of his New Year's Resolution post had to be scraped because we couldn't post something that essentially read: [censored].  We promise it's coming soon.]

There is a saying we have used frequently around these parts: "It's a competition and the Chief is in it."  Yes, those of you who have grown to love the Chief know that he is just a leeeeeeeeee-ttle bit competitive.  But what you may not know is that his competitive side is not restricted strictly to athletic competition; no sir.  If there is an activity which only ends once there is a clear-cut winner and loser, you can bet your life savings on the Chief's competitive spirit rearing its sometimes-ugly head.  Take, for example, one of the Chief's favorite board games, Monopoly.  He does not just want to have the most money when all is said and done, he wants to humiliate his opponents by having them mortgage their kids to pay off rent at his hotels.  This is a man who has researched the mathematical statistics associated with the game and has created what he believes to be the perfect strategy to effectuate a victory the likes of which we have not seen since Sherman marched to the sea.  Believe you me, if you land on New York Avenue before he does, do not buy it, lest you want to be cursed at and threatened with physical harm.  And, of course, you have not truly lived until you have seen his "Bank Error in Your Favor" dance.  Seriously, it can be like salt in the wounds.

So, what does this anecdote have to with today's Link Dump?  Pretty much nothing.  Except that today there was, in fact, a banking error in the Chief's favor.  For roughly eight hours, the Chief was pretty much the highest paid attorney (at least base salary wise) in the state of California.  That is, apparently, what happens when someone throws an extra zero at the end of a salary.  Of course, it did not take to long for the firm's CFO to figure this all out considering the firm was suddenly running low on its cash supply.  And while the Chief has generously given the necessary authority for payroll to reverse the transaction, he is still in possession of the original payroll direct deposit confirmation and intends to frame it.

Additionally, it means that we have decided to give a little "bank" error in your favor and provide you with an extended Link Dump with more stories and videos to help you get through your Friday afternoon:

• We dabble in celebrity gossip every now and then, especially when it involves an attractive female.  Well, would you look at that (headline).
• Apparently we should be attending more basketball games at University of Oregon's new Matthew Knight Arena.
• Man, Reebok totally gets it.  When I see Erin Andrews on the set of College Gameday or Good Morning America [Editor's Note: she's on GMA?], the first thing I think is "I wonder what shoes she trains in?".  Yes, that is exactly what I think. or
• This might come as a shock to many of you, but the folks here at GameTime, TBD© could be considered what some of you might call "comic book nerds".  [Editor's Note: I know, right?]  That being said, is this really happening?
• It is time to play "What famous athlete is this person related to?".  You can find your answer here.
• Freddie Mitchell, fresh off his successful retelling of his one career highlight, continues to put the word [censored] in class.
• We were sad to see that Kris Benson retired from baseball on Monday.  Why, you ask, would be we sad to see an average pitcher retire?  Because now we are less likely to see his wife, Anna Benson, in the news.
• While Ryan Howard may strike out at the plate quite often, he sure knows how to hit those random interview references out of the park.
•  Is there anything Ken Griffey's rookie card can not do?
• In case you were wondering, yes, average basketball players make far too much money in the NBA.
• ESPN has confirmed that excessive Duke ball washing will continue until at least 2015.
• Remember when the National Enquirer turned out to be right about Tiger "the Potent Putter" Woods?  They should have quit while they were ahead.
• Apparently the Philadelphia Union's new sponsor has resulted in many of their female fans feeling alienated.  I know, we were shocked to learn the Union had many female fans too.
• How dare someone destroy such a fine piece of art in what we are sure is a classy joint.

Oh man, nothing like a Saved by the Bell-related news story to raise your spirits as you head into the weekend.  You know what also helps raise our spirits?  Funny videos.  Well, would you look at that:

• What do you get when Will Arnett, Jimmy Fallon, and Horatio Sanz get together?  Pure genius.
• I am sure it is just pure coincidence that Wes Welker made ten foot references at a press conference this week . . . pure coincidence.
• 'Cuz a basketball court to the face is bad for your health.
• Wait, Dora wants to what like animals?
• Count it!
• "Katuse puhastus" is Estonian for FAIL.
• Ever wonder what it would be like to walk around a store on your phone telling someone else what the other shoppers are doing?
• We close with my two favorite commercials that are currently on television: (1) you know we love us some eTrade baby (wait, what?); and (b) "Well that's a problem, cause I like Johnny."

Have a great weekend everyone!

Run (Not as) Fat Boy, Run!

What? Where am I? What day is it?

Yeah, it has been one of those weeks around the GameTime, TBD© "office". But do not worry, we are not here to make excuses. Unlike Notre Dame, who only plays like champions five to six Saturdays per year [Editor's Note: that's probably a little generous these days, no?], we play like champions all day, every day. And since it is Friday, and we are playing like champions, we have got to do what we do . . . and that is your weekly source of entertainment, our Link Dump. And what a week in sports it was.

Let us see [*flipping through sports sections*] . . . [*dead silence*] . . . ah, yes here we go. The Kings signed Ilya Kolvachuk have made no progress on on the Kolvachuk front. [expletive deleted.]

The Yankees lost two members of their family this week with the passings of Bob Shepard and George Steinbrenner. [*awkward silence*]

The National League won home field advantage at the World Series by beating the American League . . . wait a second, the All Star Game was this week? [*shrugs shoulders*] Oh well.

Ah, here we go the Golden State Warriors were sold to . . . hahahaha . . . hahahahaha . . . someone was willing to pay $450 million for the Golden State Warriors? Are we sure that was not for the entire Golden State? I think that is all California is worth these days.

My goodness. This was, quite possibly, the most boring week in the history of sports. Can anyone find anything entertaining that happened this week related to sports? What is that you say? The ESPYs were this week and it was actually somewhat entertaining? Well, of course it was, Seth Meyers was hosting and he called on all his Saturday Night Live friends to help him out. He was even able to make a joke connecting Cheech and Chong, LeBron making his television special a charity event, and the infamous Greg Oden (that's not a bong, it's for my) schlong photo all while talking about the epic (this one goes to) eleven-hour John Isner/Nicolas Mahut Wimbledon match. It went a little something like this:

That match was so long that the ballboys became ballmen. That match was so long Greg Oden took a picture of it and sent it to his girlfriend . . . You may not care for that joke but all the proceeds from it went to the Boys and Girls Club of America. That match was so long that the only guys who ever spent more time on grass together were Cheech and Chong.

That, my friends, is one well put together joke. And, as it turns out, the ESPYs were not the only entertaining thing that happened in sports this week. Here are some of the other things that you might have missed:

• We start off with a non-sports related article. A long, but amazing, read on the day The Price is Right got beat.
• Well established GameTime, TBD© favorite Marisa Miller was out and about not once, but twice this week.
  
• Speaking of lovely ladies, Erin "Pageviews" Andrews finalized her new deal with ESPN/ABC this week, setting up a classic showdown between Erin and Kirk Herbstreit for the "Most Attractive Woman on the Set of College Gameday With the Least Amount of College Football Knowledge" title.
• Now you can watch Michigan home games with 109,900 of your closest friends.
• Here is a status update from the University of Florida.
• We here at GameTime, TBD© have long been a proponent of requiring all schools have a live version of their mascot at all home games. That is why this article makes us said.
• Pacers screw Indianapolis; refuse to cuddle after.
• This story has it all: sports, the United States still screwing over Native Americans, the British being whinny wankers (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence), and a touch of World/American History.
• It appears time we start protecting baseball players from themselves, as evidenced by this and this.
• Speaking of injuries, gentlemen, if you make it past paragraph six (6), you are a better man than I.

So, as you can see, it was indeed a slow week in sports. But there were some good things in there, right? Right? Oh well. On a happier note, while the sports was busy letting us down, the video Gods were busy blessing us with a wide variety of videos to choose from. But we figured why bother, post them all.

• Do not forget to stretch before your weekly aerobics lesson. [Editor's Note: I feel better already.]
• In a very un-ESPN-like move, ESPN poked fun at itself at the ESPYs.
  
• Dude Perfect (yeah, those basketball "dudes" are still sponsored by GMC) came out to Los Angeles for . . . the donut shot?
• Cheerleader fail . . . twice . . . live on the news.
• Who comes up with products like this and, more importantly, who buys them?
• Ichiro, a female fan, and the greatest reaction in player-runs-into-fan history. Also, props to TSN in Canada for this great highlight.
• And last, but certainly not least, the video that has been making the network rounds this week from some guy who is definitely high on . . . err . . . life, and the inevitable music tribute that followed. Double rainbow all the way! [Editor's Note: sound is a must for both of these very safe for work and very entertaining videos. You. Are. Welcome.]
  

Have a great weekend everyone!

Happy Birthday America!

Long weekends are the best, are they not? You usually get to leave early from the office, and then you get that extra day off, and then the following week is shorter as well. It is a win-win-win in our book. But even with the early departure, we know that work still has to get done. And if work has to get done, that means you all are in need of at least some entertainment to get you through your Friday. Which is why, of course, we here at GameTime, TBD© started our weekly Link Dump.

It is well documented that the Chief is a big fan of the 4th of July. His parties are, well, legen . . . wait for it . . . dary, and, if his invitation to this year's festivities is any indication (it's hard not to get excited for party when the invitation starts "Setting aside the fact the Declaration of Independence wasn't officially signed until August 2, 1776, that ID4 was released to some theaters on July 2 (wait, what?), and Zach Morris voted for Kelly Kapowski over Stacy Corroci at the Miss Malibu Sands pageant, that special time of year is right around the corner." . . . but I digress), we are in for another great one. After all, America deserves to celebrate its 234th birthday in style.

That being said, their are whispers floating around the office that the Chief is not as ready for the party as he usually is, that he is distracted. To those whispering I say, "Well, duh". Everyone knows the lone wild card in the Chief's 4th of July party planning is that July 1st marks the start of the free agency signing period in the NHL. Usually, the start of free agency serves as only a minor distraction to the Chief, just a blip on the radar. But not this year. Everyone knows the biggest name on free agent market is Ilya Kolvachuk, a player who is a legitimate threat to score every time he steps on the ice. He is the type of player the Kings have not had since Ziggy Palffy was in his prime, and the type of player they avoided trying to invest to heavily in during the rebuilding process (which, the Chief readily admits was both frustrating and the right decision). Well, the rebuilding process is over, the Kings are one of the up-and-coming franchises in the league, and for the past week the news has all been about how the Kings are the front runner in the Kolvachuk sweepstakes. Do you know what that kind of hype does to a die-hard Kings fan?

Well, if you were here in the GameTime, TBD© office yesterday, you would have see what that type of hype does. A man who has steadfastly opposed Twitter and a GameTime, TBD© twitter account, was *this* close to opening an account yesterday so that he did not have to keep searching for and refreshing the twitter pages of various NHL insiders. He was following not one, not two, but three live chat feeds for the better part of the day. It was ugly. Worst of all, nothing happened, and we are back at it today. Have you ever tried to get a man to approve a set of links to be published on his blog at a time like this? Mark my words, practically impossible.

But rest assured, dear readers, approve them his did. Of course, that was immediately followed by a string of expletives when Kevin Allan of the USA Today posted "Kings apparently were bridesmaid on Hamhuis and Paul Martin on Day 1. They wanted one of the big name D Men." on his twitter page. Seriously people, we are at DEFCON 2 here; I am worried we may see a grown man cry by the end of the day and we can not say for sure whether they will be tears of joy or tears of sadness. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and ask, "Is this really my life?" Do not answer that. Rather, just enjoy these things you might have missed from the past week:

• The GameTime, TBD© family would like to send its congratulations (and a video camera) to Kyle Boller, who is marrying anti-gay marriage/pro-solo sex tape family values Carrie Prejean today in San Diego.
  
• Marisa Miller attended the Eclipse premiere for God knows what reason, but at least she looked good doing it . . . and managed to give some oogling teenager his first . . . er . . . "man moment".
• There is a porn star participating in the 2010 World Series of Poker. Insert poke-her pun here.
• It should not be hard to spot the reason this Q&A with Erin Pageviews is getting posted. Here is a hint, it is not because of the pictures.
• Rumor has it we finished a close second in the voting. At least we lost out to one of the best around.
• Only in Canada do parents attempt to profit from their inability to pass along athletic genes to their children.
• "No, you stay classy, anonymous Phish fan who took cell phone pics of a bottomless teenager." [Editor's Note: (1) the girl is of-age, and (b) there is a story associated with the link.]
  
• MLB has found a way to legalize gambling on baseball while also screwing over its fans. Bravo to you, Bud Selig.
• He pulled a hammy doing what?
• Early candidate for "Best Name of 2012 College Recruiting Class" has committed to Tulane; hopes to be drafted by Green Bay.
• "But I feel very comfortable with it and it also helps my physical performance." [Editor's Note: that's what she said!]
• What? No Kobayashi? What has Major League Eating come to? [Editor's note: nice picture choice Wall Street Journal.]

We usually head to lunch not long after the Link Dump goes live, and normally the Chief is very opinionated about where we go. Well, you can throw that out the window today: "I don't care where we go, as long as it has ESPN News on." This from the guy who has been driving the anti-ESPN bandwagon for past two years. NHL free agency, it is fantastic. Speaking of fantastic, here are some clips for your viewing enjoyment:

• It would not be Friday without some vigorous thrusting. [Editor's note: that's what she said (sometimes it's just too easy)!]
• Might as well get our other weekly tradition out of the way now. Here is your weekly dose of mocking of FCC.
• From the YouTube description: "A cinematic study on the social phenomenon that is 'Man Smacks.' The application of 'Man Smacks,' in simple English, allows two men to embrace each other affectionately while preserving their desire to be perceived as heterosexual."
• This will come as a surprise to exactly no one: we are nerds. Thus, we are posting the trailer for the last Harry Potter movie(s). That is all.
• "There are no grenades in Miami." Oh, Jersey Shore, welcome back.
• I will never drive a minivan. Oh, it is a Swagger Wagon? Nevermind then.

Happy Birthday America! Please be safe. Have a great weekend everyone!

Runnin' Down A Dream

Things are a bit crazy right now here at the GameTime, TBD© offices. We are going to be dark all next week on account of a vacation, and so we are frantically trying to finish up some last minute work so that we can shut things down at a reasonable hour today. But do not think for one second that a vacation next week is going to stop us from getting you a Link Dump this week. It does mean, however, that our short, pithy introduction is going to be even shorter and pithier today. And it goes like this:

It is amazing how much things can change over the course of a forty-five minute drive into work. I got up extra early this morning so I could get to the gym, get home, get showered and shaved, and be ready for work in time to watch the first half of the (now-infamous) United States versus Slovenia World Cup match. Then I would get in my car and listen to the second half on the radio while I drove (because, you know, as ESPN has told us all throughout the World Cup, this game is available on ESPN, ESPNRadio, and ESPN3.com). Well, after the first half, I was all set to write an introduction about how it is just another disappointing run for the US at the World Cup. But now, thanks to that forty-five minute drive, I get to complain about ESPN instead, which is even better.

You see, listening to the game on ESPNRadio apparently means listen to the game streaming over the internet via ESPNRadio, NOT listen to the game on your local ESPNRadio affiliate. No sir. In case you did not know, the Lakers won the NBA Championship last night, and our local ESPNRadio affiliate here in Los Angeles also happens to be the home station of Los Angeles Lakers basketball. So what was on ESPNRadio here in Los Angeles this morning? "Twenty-four hours of Lakers' championship coverage." That right there is their words, not mine. So, while most of you [Editor's Note: if you have been fastidiously avoiding all mention of the final results of the US/Slovenia game, please skip to the next paragraph] were enjoying the United States' dramatic comeback/subsequent referee hose job (when is a win a draw? well, apparently we learned that today), I was frantically surfing the radio searching for at least some score updates. Thankfully, my boy Dan Patrick came through, like he always does, with "World Cup-dates" after every commercial break. As if I was not over ESPN enough already, maybe next time they will make sure all their affiliates are on board or be a little more specific as what "listen to the game on ESPNRadio" means. (Side note: and, as if I needed one more reason to hate 710ESPN here in Los Angeles . . . I don't even think die-hard Lakers fans want 24 hours of coverage).

Welcome back to those of you who skipped ahead to avoid learning the results of the game. Even with all that venting, I am still a little fired up. So, in order to avoid possibly saying something that will get me in trouble, I am just going to dive into the stuff you came to see:

• Erin Pageviews is ready to play the field. What a . . . err . . . nevermind. [Editor's Note: SUCK IT, ESPN! . . . yup, still bitter.]
• FIFA is, perhaps, the only organization in the world that would be angry about a group of thirty hot, Dutch blonds showing up at their event.
• Speaking of hot blonds associated with the World Cup, my money is on Clancy . . . but you knew this already.
  
• "Because nothing says good old fashioned Christianity than beating a loved one to death over a remote control."
• BleacherReport, a GameTime, TBD© favorite, has really gone the extra mile this time: Comparing Tiger Woods' Mistresses to His Rivals.
• Gentlemen, listen closely: compassion and cash go a long way with women and groupies. Who knew?
• Instrument of torture? Utah executes a guy by firing squad and you want to call the vuvuzela an instrument of torture?
• "Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill."
• I smell Lifetime original movie.
• A lot has been going in the NFL . . . the what? . . . over the past few weeks. I will let Deadspin summarize it all for you.
• So let me get this straight, the whole team was suspended and then two players were suspended on top of that? Suspended from what at that point?
• "Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend . . ."

Man, I know that last one is not really sports related, but still . . . damn. Also, anything that gives me the opportunity to throw in an Old School reference is deserving of a spot in the Link Dump. Speaking of deserving of a spot, here are some videos that fit that description quite nicely:

• Admit it, after four weeks, your Fridays are not bearable until you have had the chance to watch this.
• Speaking of great, entertaining music videos, OK Go made another one.
• Ron Artest is crazy. If you could possibly need any more proof of this, check out Ron-Ron's post-game interview from last night.
• I am going to say this is fifty percent real, fifty percent fake, and one hundred percent awesome.
• Oh Jimmy, I love when you [censored] the FCC.
• Your "Marisa Miller Link of the Week" comes courtesy of a banned Guitar Hero commercial. [Editor's Note: insert "Marisa Miller can bang my drum any day of the week" joke here . . . wait, what?]

Have a great weekend everyone!

I . . . Was . . . Ruh-ning

Announcer Voice: "Hailing from Redondo Beach, California, he measures in at six feet, two inches and weighs a svelte 230 pounds. He runs a popular sports blog out of his mom's basement office. Wearing bib number [censored], please welcome Th-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ef!" [*fanfare, fanfare, fanfare . . . trumpets, trumpets, trumpets . . . applause, applause, applause*]

That is right, my friends, in just under ten weeks [Editor's Note: TEN WEEKS?!?!?!?!?!], the Chief will hit the streets in his first official half marathon. I do not know how it happened exactly, but one Monday, a little over a month ago, the Chief walked into the office and declared "I'm running the San Francisco Half Marathon." At first there was laughter; it was just the Chief trying to lighten the mood around the office on a Monday. The look on his face, however, made it clear this was not a joke. The laughter was not because we thought he could not do it. This is a guy who can accomplish anything he actually sets his mind to. It is just . . . well . . . the things he normally sets his mind to do not involve running 13.1 miles. Beat Goldeneye in a single night? Sure. Tackle the "Century Club"? Naturally. Create a moderately successful blog focusing on hot chicks and sports? Consider it done. But, run a half marathon? Get out of here.

Well, as it turns out, he was serious about it, and is now seriously preparing to pound major pavement on July 25th. He has spent the last month working on his overall fitness (something he has been doing most of the year) and this week he started his official ten-week training program. His goal is to finish in under two hours, which translates to just over nine-minute miles. He did run cross country in high school, so that is not a completely unrealistic goal. But high school was ten years ago [Editor's Note: TEN YEARS AGO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!] and about fifty pounds. Regardless, we are behind him one hundred percent and we hope sincerely hope all our dedicated readers will get behind him as well . . . except, of course, for all of our hot female readers. The Chief would like you to stay in front of him . . . you know, as motivation. Especially my Better Half . . . wait, what?

Anyways, we think he can do it. And we will do what ever we can to make sure he keeps pushing through all the ups and downs of training. That means we better get started on finding ways to keep him motivated (A video remix of Forrest Gump running to Flock of Seagulls? Sure, why not?). So while we start our search for motivation (and, please, feel free to email us with anything you think might help), here some news stories you might have missed from the past week:

• We lead off with a hot girl from Massachusetts [Editor's Note: They exist?] with a sports connection. What could be better?
• Finally, someone was willing to write a well thought out piece about performance-enhancing drugs . . . to which the average person will respond: "Oh yeah? Well, Barry Bonds still sucks."
• At this point, it appears Armstrong is the only person in the Tour de France NOT using PEDs. Interesting . . .
• Daniel Nava [Editor's Note: who?] is hopelessly devoted to Erin Andrews. GameTime, TBD©, on the other hand, is just hopelessly devoted to pageviews.
• The sad truth that baseball games take far too long was recently scientifically proven as true as only such things can be scientifically proven: an amazing bet amongst friends.
• It is always nice to see a local sports team support the other local teams of the other sports. And then there is Pittsburgh. First there was the unsolicited offer to buy. Then there was the article by someone who has never heard of the concept "proportional response". And now its the public/other journalists turn to respond. You stay classy, Pittsburgh.
• Huh, a country enforcing its own immigration laws with little-to-no uproar. Weird.
• "They call it importing." As Mike Florio astutely points out, the Government would probably call it something else.
• Golf Cart 1, NFL Lineman 0.
• Anyone who thinks you can capture Gus Johnson's greatness in a non-live situation is sorely mistaken. Yeah, I am talking to you EA Sports.
• Dear Fellow Australian Rules Footballers, It is cool if you are gay, but please keep it to yourself . . . forever. Sincerely, Dude Rocking Bleached Hair With A Dark Beard.
• Shrimp with a fake gun versus giant rugby player with a chair. Who you got? [Editor's Note: with video goodness.]
• Snap into a SlimJim a second wedding.
• Guerdwich Montimer was truly committed to his lie.

You know, all this PED talk has got us thinking: maybe we should consider a little HGH/blood doping regimen for the Chief during his training. What do you think? Do you think they drug test amateur runners for inconsequential half marathons? Okay, we are just kidding . . . but seriously . . . kidding . . . seriously. You know what we think? You will enjoy this regimen of entertaining videos:

• If your coffee was not enough to get you going on this Friday . . .
• "Dude Perfect" (those basketball trick shot "dudes" from Texas A&M) now has corporate sponsorship. Really?
• This Nike commercial for the World Cup has been described as "bloated, overwrought, meta-referential, but sorta awesome". Indeed.
• Preteen? Wipes out on skateboard. Board? Snaps in half, jabbing him in a tender area. Balls? "[F-bomb]ing bleeding!" [Editor's Note: Language is, obviously, NSFW. If you want to see just how (un)supportive this kid's friends are, feel free to check out the full version. Maybe he should have stopped after the second try, no?]
• A week old, but still funny.
  
• WHAT?!?!?! No new "Week In Unnecessary Censorship"? What are we to do? Go with an old one? Good call.
• Wasted guy versus flip flops. Who you got?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Time To Let It Out

The Chief can not decide whether he should be happy or insulted that nothing came into the GameTime, TBD© inbox inquiring about our weekly gift to the World Wide Web last week. While we are sorry we were not able to get you a Link Dump last week, Kristen Bell seemed to ease your pain nicely. But for the record, the Chief does actually agonize over the things that go on around these parts of the Internet, which is why you get the following Link Dump introduction this week:

As the deposition I [Editor's note: The Chief] was stuck on last Friday pushed on to its tenth (of 12.5 . . . happy Friday to you to) hour, I decided to zone out for a bit and take a look at some of the more recent GameTime, TBD© posts. That is when it hit me: I have really done a solid job of avoiding posting original material on here lately.

My Better Half is always trying to get me to open up more about how I am feeling, and probably for good reason. I have always played it pretty close to the chest when it comes what is going on with the big guy. I have been working on that and, while progress may be slow, it is progressing. But now I realize this same pattern of behavior has spilled over to the pages of GameTime, TBD©. You see, I started this blog for two reasons: (1) as a creative outlet from my otherwise not-so-creative-outlety job (a little mental stimulation is good for the soul), and (b) to provide the world with a little west coast regarding sports and chicks . . . but mostly sports and mostly my Los Angeles Kings. In previous years (3.5 and counting!), I was pretty successful at doing so. But that changed this year and I think I have figured out why. In previous years, the Kings were bad. And let us be honest, we are talking Whitney-Houston-Recent-Australia-Performance bad. So it was easy to make light of the situation, crack a few jokes, and tell everybody that next year is going to be different. Well, the problem is, the ever illusive "next year" has finally arrived. I have waited eight years for the "next year" to actually get here, and now that it has I have held everything in. As sad as it sounds, I have been living and dying with every game, waiting for the shoe to drop. And I have been afraid that if I start talking about it, the dream might end. But now I realize that is not fair to you, the avid reader, me, the man aging twenty years in one hockey season, or my Better Half, who nobly sits next me during every game. I also realize that I should not be afraid of what is going on, but rather, I should embrace it. So I vow to stop holding it in and finally let it out . . . as only I can (which means some pop culture references, a lot of crazy talk . . . oh, and a bunch of hot chicks). And I promise it will start with something new being produced this weekend. You. Are. Welcome.

Well, clearly I have got a lot of work to do, so I best be getting to it. So, while I go saddle up my horse (that's what she said), here are some things you might have missed from the past week or two:

• Olympians have been shown to be much more satisfied with a bronze than a silver, even though it is clearly the Jan Brady of medals.
• Note to self: Steve Williams, not a good wingman (ladies, I'm just joking . . . but seriously . . . joking . . . seriously).
• "I haven't seen Tiger since the late '90s", but that check he sent me last week to write this sure was nice.
• Bill Simmons compared Tiger's eventual comeback to that of Muhammad Ali. Want to see how it turned out?
• Here is a golf story about a girl named Kandi (yes, with a "K") and it somehow does not involve Tiger. Go figure.
• "As I stood there looking like a Roy Orbison impersonator in my specially polarized glasses, I made a mental note to call my wife and apologize for the money we'll be dropping on 3-D televisions in the next few years."
• Highlights of this story include: "DUI", "Chevrolet Equinox", "bike patrol officer", "cited and released", and "Oregon Cheerleader" . . . who can be seen here on the left.
• Kansas to Kentucky: We see your Ashley Judd, and raise you one "adult" film star.
• Perhaps the Oregon cheerleading team should steal a play out of the Texas A&M-Commerce (Casino?) football playbook.
• I do not buy it. I am fairly confident Erin Andrews is plenty used to spinning and turning in heels. [Editor's Note: Hey-OH!]
• Can someone please tell me what exactly "digital insertion with their fingers" means?
• When sports stars talk about money, it is usually just as funny as you would expect.

I always hear that "admitting you have a problem" is the first step to recovery, and I have got to tell you, I think they are right. I am super geeked right now. Just thinking about all the things I have to talk about has really got the blood flowing. Just in case those stories were not enough to get your blood flowing, these videos should help do the trick:

• My favorite part of the NFL offseason went down on Monday. Have a look.
• Wind 1, Team 0.
• Our boy from Tweet Boxx is back, but now he is laying down the law in his office. [Editor's Note: strong language.]
• I am sure by now you all know ESPN got pranked by Howard Stern's Captain Janks at Scott Van Pelt's expense. On the off chance you have not actually seen it yet, here you go.
• I think, for once, I am actually going to side with the coach.
• Douchy McDoucherson has come out of retirement . . . and he is douchier than ever.
• As my friend Barnicle put it: "It's like the best Mouse Trap game ever."

Have a great weekend everyone!

Back With A Bang

[Editor's Note: We apologize to those of you who show up every Friday more for the fantastically witty introductions. Today's Link Dump will have a shorter introduction because (1) the Chief was stuck in court all morning and unable to finalize everything in a timely manner; (b) we have more links of note than normal; and (iii) it's the start of a long weekend and we expect that most of you do not need that much entertainment before your inevitable early departure from work.]

On Wednesday, my buddy Pong and I had the following gchat conversation:

Me: So, the college football season kicks off tomorrow.
Pong: Check is in the mail.

With the sports book account re-upped to its normal level, college football season is officially back. Putting my annual quest for supplemental income aside for the time being, it did not take long for the 2009 college football season to get the entire Blogosphere moving at the speed of sound. In fact, all it took was a right cross (and a bad Ali impersonation) from LeGarrette "Roll Me a Fatty" Blount (pronounced "blunt" for those of you not understanding the reference) at the end of last night's Oregon/Boise St. game (I would love to include a link to a video at this point, but ESPN has forced any and all posters of the video to remove it from YouTube . . . so I refuse to link to ESPN's version of the video out of principal). So now everyone from print media, television media, and the blogs is weighing on what punishment should be handed down to young Mr. Roll Me a Fatty. So, I figured GameTime, TBD© might as well jump on the bandwagon and throw in our two cents. After watching the events unfold, then rewinding the DVR and watching them a few more times, we feel: (1) it was nice of Boise St. head coach Chris Petersen to tee up his own player like that; the shot could not have been any easier from Blount; (b) while I do not condone Blount's actions, it does kind of seem like Boise St.'s Byron Hout got what he deserved; and (iii) it is funny that fans are always tough guys from behind the barricade, right up until that point when the player is about to cross over the barricade; suddenly those fans can not flee fast enough.

Does Blount deserve to be punished? Yes, of course he does. Criminally like some people are suggesting? Probably not. I expect that Blount will be sitting out at least the next three to four games, and I will be disappointed in both the University of Nike Oregon and the Pac-10 if it is anything less than that. Considering Blount was suspended by the school during the preseason, I would not be surprised if he was asked to sit out the rest of the season. Especially now that Coach Kelly laid an egg in his first game as a head coach in front of a national television audience.

Well, that is all we really have to say about the topic. More importantly, it is time for us to go make our picks for the weekend. So, while I go figure out what spreads I like (Penn St. -27.5 versus Akron in College Station? Yes please.), here are some things you might have missed to help get you to that long weekend a little faster:

• It looks like I will be seeing a match-up of Top 20 teams next week in Tennessee after all.
• College football sideline reporters are hired based on talent alone . . . talent, of course, being defined as blond hair and a healthy set of sweater kittens.
• A collection of fantastic team photos. Thank you, Deadspin.
• America's Sideline Princess returned to work last night, and Zennie Abraham (who?) is just a little suspicious about the timing of everything.
• If you can read Part I and Part II of Simmons's recounting of his most recent trip to Vegas without making comparisons to your group of friends, well then good sir, you are a better man than I.
• Looking for a way to liven up your fantasy football draft? Here is one suggestion for you.
  
• Having to sign a quarterback just for a preseason game so that your one healthy quarterback does not have to take every snap because he is your team's future? Only the Lions.
• Allow me to introduce you to the scapegoat for the 2009 Dallas Cowboys' season.
• As it turns out, Daniel Synder's bad decisions extend beyond player personnel.
• 2009 has been a great year for the Jagodzinski family.
• Apparently quarterback greatness is not hereditary.
• Headed to a game at Boise St. this season to see the blue turf? Make sure to wear the proper gang colors.
• Please UConn, think of the children.
• I am sorry, they are going to do what?
• When tackling a 14-year-old girl with a gun, recruiters would like you to remember to keep your head up and drive through your opponent.
• Where does Roger Federer stay during the U.S. Open? Why, the Roger Federer suite of course. Wait, what?
• I guess it is time to cross chess off the list of "Things People Do Better When Drunk".
  

We had to throw those last couple links in there to make sure you did not think we spent the whole week reading about football. Oh wait, that is exactly how we spent the whole week. Regardless, we will keep the football to minimum in these clips selected for your viewing pleasure:

• Those guys who make all those videos of crazy basketball shots went to summer camp this past summer. What did they do at summer camp? Made a video of crazy basketball shots.
• Unfortunately, the punching bag Blount used to train for this upcoming season does not make an appearance during this tour of the Ducks' home locker room. Looks like it is tough playing for the University of Nike Oregon.
• Fat chick + mechanical bull = predictable ending.
• Narcolepsy is not something to be joked about. Okay, maybe just this once.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Howdy Strangers

I know, I know. We have been MIA for a few weeks now and that means many of you have had to struggle through your Friday afternoons. My sincerest apologies for that on behalf of the entire GameTime, TBD© team. That is why I decided not to let anything stand in the way of this week's Link Dump.

With football season right around the corner, I am sure most of you are in full-fledged Fantasy Football mode. I did the responsible thing year and limited myself to three leagues, but it seems I have taken on a consulting role for a few of my friends' teams as well (wait a sec . . . I do work and don't get paid for it? . . . how'd this happen?). Do not fear, I am not about to recap all of my drafts or tell you why I like or dislike picks I have made. No, I am going to do the much more sensible thing and talk about something that is likely to have me sleeping on the couch for the next week or so. Ready?

Chicks are ruining sports. Yes, that is a broad generalization; so, as they like to say, if the shoe fits, wear it. We needed a twelfth team owner for my firm's Fantasy Football league this year and, as it turns out, one of our female associates expressed interest in the opportunity. Our league commissioner [Editor's Note: NOT ME] had a pseudo-interview with this young lady, who we shall call Poncherello, to make sure she had basic football knowledge and was aware of the commitment. All seemed to be copacetic and things were progressing as normal. Then it came time for the all-important team naming process. I . . . nay . . . everyone I know who plays Fantasy Football takes this process very seriously. For my firm league, I always try to make reference to my beloved Lions because I take a lot of heat for my support of, perhaps, the worst franchise in all of sports (save for the Clippers).

As you are all aware, the Lions did not take my advice and hired Jim Schwartz as their new head coach. While I am not thrilled with the hire, I plan on withholding judgment on Mr. Schwartz until later in the season. The hire did, however, make the naming of my team extremely easy. For my name, I looked no further than one of my all-time favorite movies: Spaceballs. Thus, my team was named "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine". All was quiet on the western front for a few days after I submitted my name, but eventually I was summoned to the principal's commissioner's office. Apparently a not-be-named owner of the league had taken offense to my team name. Although the commish refused to disclose the offended team owner, sources close to me confirmed that it was none other than Poncherello.

Seriously? You are going to join a Fantasy Football league and get offended by a team name that, while admittedly a sexual innuendo (in-her-end-OH!), is tame by Fantasy Football team naming standard? Just Google "fantasy football team names" (here, I did it for you) and see what is out there. And you think "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine" is offensive? Look, I think it is great that more and more women are becoming huge sports fans (my Better Half included). But why do women feel the need to try to change or behavior when it comes to sports? If I want to yell at the television, I am going to yell at the television. If I want to throw back a couple beers with the guys during a game, I am going to throw back a couple beers (and I won't care if you want to sip a cosmo or appletini during the game). So, please, ladies, stop trying to change the way we enjoy sports.

So, while I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find a new team name, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:

• Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
• While we were out of commission, GQ went ahead and had features on Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. You. Are. Welcome.
• If you manage to get past Carrie Milbank's picture, may I call your attention to reasons one and three.
• NHL goes Socialist . . . it was only a matter of time with Bettman.
• Honey, cancel our trip to Delaware.
  
• If Jim Harbaugh ever goes missing, I know the first place to look.
• We have a new leader in the clubhouse for the "Father of the Year" award.
• As much as I love Fantasy Football (yes, I know, only three leagues this year), even I think this is a little (read: a lot) ridiculous.
• If I were Wade Phillips, I would be trying to figure out more ways to get this guy on the field, and fewer ways to make myself look like an idiot.
• The Ninth Circuit thinks that anonymous 2003 drug test should be kept anonymous. What a concept.
• Chris Carpenter fixes John Smoltz in five minutes, joins Tebow in stroll across water.
• I will take "Things You Don't Expect to Hear at a Charity Golf Tournament" for one thousand, Alex. Answer: "I'll show you the size of my tee."

Alright, I am having trouble coming up with a new Lions-related team name. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I am leaning towards "Never Underestimate the Power of the Schwartz", but I am still open to other ideas. Perhaps, these clips, carefully selected for your viewing pleasure, will help:

• This girl needs to be a star . . . immediately.
• "That's as consistent as gravity." I guess Andy Roddick has a personality after all.
• Deron Williams and Kyle Korver are hosting a charity dodgeball tournament. What better way to promote the event than with two funny promos. [Editor's Note: videos to the right.]
• 'Cause soccer cleat in your mouth is bad for yo' health.
• I have watched and re-watched this knockout several times and I still can not decide if it is the greatest knockout or greatest phantom punch of all time. (Also, why do people always feel the need to rush the ring after an awesome knockout?)
• Sorry folks, it is the last episode of Tweet Boxx, Season One.
• Yes, that is Lori Laughlin; yes, that is "Send Me an Angel"; and, yes, this was an actual 80s movie about bmx biking.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[UPDATE: In light of the theme of this week's introduction, I think it only appropriate to add this late-arriving story. Hats off to you Ms. Rampone.]