Howdy Strangers

I know, I know. We have been MIA for a few weeks now and that means many of you have had to struggle through your Friday afternoons. My sincerest apologies for that on behalf of the entire GameTime, TBD© team. That is why I decided not to let anything stand in the way of this week's Link Dump.

With football season right around the corner, I am sure most of you are in full-fledged Fantasy Football mode. I did the responsible thing year and limited myself to three leagues, but it seems I have taken on a consulting role for a few of my friends' teams as well (wait a sec . . . I do work and don't get paid for it? . . . how'd this happen?). Do not fear, I am not about to recap all of my drafts or tell you why I like or dislike picks I have made. No, I am going to do the much more sensible thing and talk about something that is likely to have me sleeping on the couch for the next week or so. Ready?

Chicks are ruining sports. Yes, that is a broad generalization; so, as they like to say, if the shoe fits, wear it. We needed a twelfth team owner for my firm's Fantasy Football league this year and, as it turns out, one of our female associates expressed interest in the opportunity. Our league commissioner [Editor's Note: NOT ME] had a pseudo-interview with this young lady, who we shall call Poncherello, to make sure she had basic football knowledge and was aware of the commitment. All seemed to be copacetic and things were progressing as normal. Then it came time for the all-important team naming process. I . . . nay . . . everyone I know who plays Fantasy Football takes this process very seriously. For my firm league, I always try to make reference to my beloved Lions because I take a lot of heat for my support of, perhaps, the worst franchise in all of sports (save for the Clippers).

As you are all aware, the Lions did not take my advice and hired Jim Schwartz as their new head coach. While I am not thrilled with the hire, I plan on withholding judgment on Mr. Schwartz until later in the season. The hire did, however, make the naming of my team extremely easy. For my name, I looked no further than one of my all-time favorite movies: Spaceballs. Thus, my team was named "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine". All was quiet on the western front for a few days after I submitted my name, but eventually I was summoned to the principal's commissioner's office. Apparently a not-be-named owner of the league had taken offense to my team name. Although the commish refused to disclose the offended team owner, sources close to me confirmed that it was none other than Poncherello.

Seriously? You are going to join a Fantasy Football league and get offended by a team name that, while admittedly a sexual innuendo (in-her-end-OH!), is tame by Fantasy Football team naming standard? Just Google "fantasy football team names" (here, I did it for you) and see what is out there. And you think "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine" is offensive? Look, I think it is great that more and more women are becoming huge sports fans (my Better Half included). But why do women feel the need to try to change or behavior when it comes to sports? If I want to yell at the television, I am going to yell at the television. If I want to throw back a couple beers with the guys during a game, I am going to throw back a couple beers (and I won't care if you want to sip a cosmo or appletini during the game). So, please, ladies, stop trying to change the way we enjoy sports.

So, while I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find a new team name, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:

• Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
• While we were out of commission, GQ went ahead and had features on Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. You. Are. Welcome.
• If you manage to get past Carrie Milbank's picture, may I call your attention to reasons one and three.
• NHL goes Socialist . . . it was only a matter of time with Bettman.
• Honey, cancel our trip to Delaware.
  
• If Jim Harbaugh ever goes missing, I know the first place to look.
• We have a new leader in the clubhouse for the "Father of the Year" award.
• As much as I love Fantasy Football (yes, I know, only three leagues this year), even I think this is a little (read: a lot) ridiculous.
• If I were Wade Phillips, I would be trying to figure out more ways to get this guy on the field, and fewer ways to make myself look like an idiot.
• The Ninth Circuit thinks that anonymous 2003 drug test should be kept anonymous. What a concept.
• Chris Carpenter fixes John Smoltz in five minutes, joins Tebow in stroll across water.
• I will take "Things You Don't Expect to Hear at a Charity Golf Tournament" for one thousand, Alex. Answer: "I'll show you the size of my tee."

Alright, I am having trouble coming up with a new Lions-related team name. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I am leaning towards "Never Underestimate the Power of the Schwartz", but I am still open to other ideas. Perhaps, these clips, carefully selected for your viewing pleasure, will help:

• This girl needs to be a star . . . immediately.
• "That's as consistent as gravity." I guess Andy Roddick has a personality after all.
• Deron Williams and Kyle Korver are hosting a charity dodgeball tournament. What better way to promote the event than with two funny promos. [Editor's Note: videos to the right.]
• 'Cause soccer cleat in your mouth is bad for yo' health.
• I have watched and re-watched this knockout several times and I still can not decide if it is the greatest knockout or greatest phantom punch of all time. (Also, why do people always feel the need to rush the ring after an awesome knockout?)
• Sorry folks, it is the last episode of Tweet Boxx, Season One.
• Yes, that is Lori Laughlin; yes, that is "Send Me an Angel"; and, yes, this was an actual 80s movie about bmx biking.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[UPDATE: In light of the theme of this week's introduction, I think it only appropriate to add this late-arriving story. Hats off to you Ms. Rampone.]