Friday, October 28, 2011

Big Boy Work Day

As you all know by now, an early edition of GameTime, TBD©'s world-renowned (might be a slight exaggeration) Link Dump is never a good sign.  Unfortunately, the Chief is off doing "big boy" work today, so we are without our fearless leader.
But do not think you are going to be left completely empty-handed on this fine Friday.  Before heading out the door this morning, the Chief proclaimed: "It's Halloween weekend.  Make sure they at least get a pic of a celebrity in a sexy Halloween costume and some Halloween-related videos or something."  What a guy, right?  Always looking out you, our dear readers.
After significant "research", it turns out there are not a lot of A-list celebrities who have been photographed wearing your average "Slutty _______" costume.  That was quite upsetting.  We refuse to associate the likes of Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton with this classy establishment, so that has brought us to Annalyne McCord of [*googles Annalyne McCord*] the new 90210 fame.  Ms. McCord wins out because she rocked a sexy Batgirl for Halloween back in 2009 and, since we are comic book nerds (shocking, I know), that works for us.
As for the videos, well, we will just let them speak for themselves:
  • In non-Halloween fail-related news, (1) a trampoline-to-pool jump ends with predictable results, and (b) not exactly the type of impression you want to make at freshmen orientation.
  • Melanie Iglesias is "famous" for being a "model" and making "flipbook-style" videos of her changing in and out of clothing.  She was nice enough to make a "Halloween Edition" of the flipbook video, which is nice because she apparently considers bikinis to be acceptable "costumes".  [Editor's Note: new record for excessive quotation mark usage . . . go us!]
  • Some people have way too much time on their hands.  Thankfully, some of those some people use their time for awesomeness.
Have a great weekend everyone!  Ladies, do not forget to treat your men to that "Slutty ________" costume they have been not-so-subtly hinting at for the past month. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

When Fantasy Meets Reality . . .

. . . the Chief folds like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face . . . or something like that.

[Editor's Note: If you missed the Chief's 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview, which went up Tuesday, do yourself a favor and check it out.]
Between Monday and Wednesday of this week, I was asked for my take on the Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh brewhaha roughly eleventy billion times.  Needless to say, it was a perfect topic for the Link Dump introduction.  But by Wednesday I was a little tired of talking about it (yes, they're both to blame; no, it wasn't that big of deal, let's move on . . . oh, and Harbaugh's a jag-bag . . . now we'll move on).  So, I am not going to lie, I was kind of hoping something would come up between then and now that I could talk about instead.
And, as usual, the blog-o-sphere Gods came through in the clutch.
We have often discussed the Chief's "Top 5" here on GameTime, TBD©.  For the uninitiated, the Chief's "Top 5" is a list comprised of the five female celebrities the Chief would have a "hall pass" from my Better Half if the "opportunity" ever arose.  [Editor's Note: Don't worry, she has her list too; we're an equal opportunity household.]  While the list changes slightly from time to time (the bottom two slots usually rotate to the newest "it girl"), the top three have remained the same for quite some time:  (1) Marisa Miller (naturally), (b) today's Link Dump introduction (cliff hanger!!!!), and (iii) Kelly Ripa (I can't explain it, there's just something there).  I am sure our more avid readers already know who our mystery woman is; I mean she has shown up on this site once or twice before.  For those of you who do not, shame on you.
With the Chief desperate for a new introduction topic to magically fall into his lap, imagine what his surprise when, on Wednesday afternoon, not only did a new topic fall into his lap, the topic involved his "Top 5".  On Wednesday afternoon, the GameTime, TBD© office received a tenant notice email from the building managers, as we do from time to time (wow, twice in one post?).  Usually the email is about fire drills, elevator maintenance, protest alerts, lame things like that.  But this email was different, for this email read:
We have been informed that filming for the upcoming movie Underworld IV, staring Kate Beckinsale, will  be taking place this Thursday, October 20, 2011 from 6pm until 6am Friday morning.  The film crew has secured a City permit for the closing of the alley. This closure will affect the parking ally entrance and exit.  Once again the alley will close at 6pm on Thursday and all access to the parking structure will be from Figueroa Street.
If you read past the first line of that email then, congratulations, you got farther than the Chief did.  The Chief was clearly focused on one thing: this woman, number two on his list, was possibly going to be in the alley right behind the GameTime, TBD© offices.  There was an immediate call for an Underwold movie marathon (slightly weird) as part of an office slumber party (slightly more weird) all so the Chief could possibly make a move on a married woman filming scenes for a movie directed by her husband (good luck with that).  Thankfully, the Chief realized that the email did not state she WOULD be part of the filming, so he relented on the plans.  But it should surprise absolutely no one that, all day yesterday, the Chief could "feel her presence", like he was a jedi knight or something.
Now that the night has passed, the Chief is on a mission to verify that Ms. Beckinsale was not here yesterday to put his mind at ease about a "missed opportunity".  So, while we humor the poor guy by going to talk with some of the production crew still cleaning up the alley, here are some stories you might have missed from the week that was:
  • Sometimes almost being traded can be a miracle in disguise.  Just ask Jerome Harrison.
  • Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc . . . 
  • Looks like Green Bay wide-receivers should have some pretty sweet entertainment centers by the end of the season.
  • Allow me to be the first to welcome Bill Simmons aboard the Los Angeles Kings bandwagon.  At least I think that is what he is trying to say in this article about the NHL that seems to be about the NBA.
  • What do you get when a newspaper, owned by a church that believed in black racial inferiority until 1978, writes an article about a predominantly black sport? This.
  • Dwight Gooden confirms what we already knew/expected about Dwight Gooden.
  • "Vegas loves long shots" . . .  except when said long shots are about to cost them some money.
  •  There is always someone else to blame, right Charlie?
  • Who knew getting drunk and throwing pointy objects at a wall could be so lucrative?  Having already mastered one of those, maybe I should consider a career change.  I mean, how hard is it to throw pointy objects?
  • This is why I do not play professional sports.  [Editor's Note: right, that's why . . .]
We like to track our pageview data to see what topics tend to get us the most traffic and, surprising to some, our Kings season preview picked up a decent amount of traffic.  It should be interesting to see how Ms. Becksinsale stacks up (she certainly is stacked) against the Kings when this Dump goes to print.  Speaking of things to see (smooth transition as always), here are some videos to help your Friday afternoon fly by:
  • Ever wonder what a squash ball hit 175 mph would do to a guy's back?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, we do now.
  • Being the topper that I am, it is safe to say that when my yet-to-be-conceived child (don't want the 'rents to get the wrong idea) is old enough, we will crush this impressive Hot Wheels track.  [Editor's Note: eh, who am I kidding, I will probably do it this weekend.]
  • I do not know about you, but I sure hate when someone posts video of me doing an awesome skateboard trick without my knowledge.
  • The song in this video is terrible, the brunette dressed up as a referee in said video is not.  That is all.
  • It is questions like this that prevent me from ever being able to go on Family Feud.
  • Dirt Bike: 1, Random Chick: 0.
  • I am guessing that crocodile will reconsider going after the full-grown adult elephant next time.
  • Note to self, dinosaurs on steroids are scary.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Second Verse, Same As The First

[Editor's Note:  yes, I know the NHL regular season is a week old now, but I know you all are still dying to know what lies ahead for the Los Angeles Kings this season, right? RIGHT?]
It seems like only yesterday (probably cause I was still blacked-out until yesterday) that my friends and my Better Half teamed up to secretly add multiple ounces of sake to my beer before boisterously declaring it was time for another round of sake bombs on what was (from what I remember) a truly epic thirtieth birthday celebration.  Sadly though, the big three-one is already right around corner (December 17th . . . *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*) and, as Father Time prepares to put another tick mark next my name, I find myself having more and more adult-like thoughts . . . and it scares me.
Though I refuse to admit it around my Better Half (so don't go telling on me), I do actually find myself thinking more and more about what it will be like to have kids.  And what emotion do these thoughts evoke the most?  Fear, pure fear.  It is not a general fear about having kids.  Nah, I am pretty down with that thought.  Rather, it is fear that arises from being a self-aware individual that knows his shortcomings and knows that many of these shortcomings fly directly in the face of what I know I can expect once I become a father.  Having had the privilege of watching my siblings and siblings-in-law raise multiple future hockey players and/or GameTime, TBD© writers, I have gained a general understanding of what goes into to raising a monster child.  Sadly, it means I have also gained an understanding of where the challenges are going to lie.  Most notably, while I am known for my patience, one thing I absolutely hate having to do is repeat myself.  Can not stand it; I get uber-frustrated uber-quickly when I have to repeat myself.  So, that should make years two through eighteen pretty fun when the time comes, right?
So, as a man who hates to repeat himself, imagine my frustration when I sat down to prepare my 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview and I realized I could pretty much regurgitate everything I wrote when previewing the 2010-2011 season.  I mean, do not get me wrong, it was a great preview.  Plus, as it turns out, I was pretty much spot on with everything I wrote.  To summarize, I stated that for the Kings' 2010-2011 season to be successful, they must (1) maintain their regular-season closing ability, (b) learn to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improve their five-on-five scoring.  I also predicted Jonathan Bernier would be the Kings' breakout player of the year.  So, how did the season play out?  Well:
  • Regular-season closing:  like the year prior, the 2010-2011 Kings managed at least one point in every game they led after two periods, going 26-0-1 (.963 win percentage), which was third best in the league.  They also were able to go 16-9-3 in games that were tied after two periods (.571 win percentage).  The 2010-2011 Kings proved they could still close in the regular season.
  • Playoff closing: after earning their second-straight trip to the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Kings showed they had learned nothing from the year before.  As evidence, look no further than their game three collapse against San Jose in which they blew leads of 4-0 and 5-3 in the second period alone.  Once they lost that one, it was pretty clear that a first-round exit was inevitable and out in six they were.
  • Five-on-five scoring:  well, the Kings offense was far from pretty last year.  If it was not for their spectacular defense (6th overall, 4th-best penalty kill, fewest power-play goals allowed), the Kings would not have made the playoffs.  Their offense was offensive, finishing 25th in the league overall and 21st on the power play.  The Kings managed only 148 goals five-on-five last year (17th best in the league) and scored only 209 goals total.
  • Breakout player:  I chose our back-up goalie as our breakout player because I thought he would reduce the burden on Jonathan Quick by serving as a productive back-up goalie.  Bernier started 22 games last season, posting an 11-8-3 record with a respectable 2.48 goals-against average and .913 save percentage.  This allowed Quick to play in eleven fewer games and post career bests in goals-against average (2.24) and save percentage (.918).
So, at the risk of ticking myself off, the keys to the Kings 2011-2012 season are (1) maintaining their ability to close in the regular season, (b) learning to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improving their five-on-five scoring.  [Editor's Note: is there an echo in here?]  Thankfully, the Kings have Dean Lombardi, the best general manager in hockey, who spent the entire offseason making sure the Kings would not have a repeat season.  To be fair, the Kings offense took a major hit when they lost Anze Kopitar to a broken ankle with seven games left in the season.  But those seven games did not stop them from being a top-twenty offense.  And DL did try to address the scoring issues before Kopitar went down by acquiring Dustin Penner from Edmonton for a pile of [expletive deleted] at the trade deadline (jury is still out on who got the better deal).  But to be extra sure the offense improves this season, DL went on a shopping spree, trading uber-prospect Braden Schenn and fan-favorite Wayne Simmonds to Philadelphia for stud-center Mike Richards, signing veteran-winger Simon Gagne, re-signing franchise-defenseman Drew Doughty, and adding veteran depth/locker room leadership with the under-the-radar signings of Ehtan Moreau and Trent Hunter.
When all was said-and-done this offseason, the Kings had added $114.6 million in salary.  Ironically, Philip Anschutz-owned AEG bought the Kings out of bankruptcy in 1995 for only $113.25 million.  The addition of Richard and Gagne should, assuming Penner got himself into shape this offseason (jury is still out on that), give the Kings something they have lacked since the Gretzky era: two legitimate scoring lines and depth down the middle with Kopitar, Richards, and Jarret Stoll.  To top it all off, the Kings still have the cap space to add yet another top-six winger before the trade deadline if necessary (Zach Parise should would look nice in a Kings uniform).  By re-signing Doughty, the Kings are returning the same defensive group that allowed only 2.39 goals per game last year.  Add to that the fact the Kings have two number one goaltenders again this year, and you have yourself the makings of a pretty exciting season . . . at least on paper.  I guess it should come as no surprise that some experts have the Kings making their second Stanley Cup Finals appearance in franchise history.
Which brings me to this year's breakout player, the guy who is going to play the biggest role in helping the Kings get over the hump.  It is probably cheating to pick Mike Richards, what, since he already has two thirty-goal seasons, has scored 349 points in six season, and was the captain of the Flyers the last two seasons.  So I am going to go out on a limb and say this years breakout player is Simon Gagne.  Sure, Gagne is a two-time forty-goal scorer, but he has spent the better part of the last two seasons battling through injury and trying to regain his scoring touch.  If healthy, he will find that scoring touch.  It helps that he is being reunited with Richards, his former linemate during part of his ten seasons in Philadelphia.  I expect Gagne to net at least twenty-five goals this season, and if he plays in seventy-plus games, thirty is not out of the question.  Production like that gives the Kings two productive scoring lines to contend with come playoff time.
Come playoff time?  You bet your [expletive deleted] the Kings are headed back to the playoffs.  Expectations are again high for the Kings and, as was previously noted, so are mine.  I am both excited and nervous for the eighty-two games [Editor's Note: 78 . . .] that lie ahead because, for the first time in a long time (ever?), it is not just my bias that believes the Kings have legitimate shot at a run for the Cup.  Anything thing less than a deep playoff run will be a disappoint to most of the fans, myself included, and could actually spell the end of reign of Murray II.  I think they have what it takes this year, which means, come May/June, I fully expect to see Commissioner Bettman handing Lord Stanley's Cup to Dustin Brown.
And if that were to happen, maybe I will have my own future-hockey player/GameTime, TBD© writer come March 2013 . . . wait, what?

Friday, October 07, 2011

It's Back, And So Are We (Almost)

It has been exactly one hundred and sixty-five days--that is five months and twelve days for those of you not willing to count--since the San Jose Sharks end our beloved Los Angeles Kings 2010-2011 season in the first round of the playoffs.  And while some friends of the program [*cough* Ballgame *cough*] are too busy dancing around in fields of dandelions to notice, in a little over twenty-three minutes, the puck will drop on the Kings' 2011-2012 season and their first legitimate shot at a run for the Stanley Cup since a guy named Gretzky played here.
I know what you are thinking right about now: "A ten a.m. faceoff? The NHL has truly lost its mind."  Well, yes and no.  It is a ten a.m. faceoff because the game is being played in Stockholm, Sweden.  This is both cool and lame.  Cool, because it is fun to see the NHL share its talent with the world; lame, because it falls at the start of the work day here in California and, more importantly to our avid readers, in the middle of when the Chief should be putting the finishing touches on your weekly source of entertainment known as our Link Dump.
Well, needless to say, the Chief is far too preoccupied this morning with the expectations of the season to get around to a Link Dump for everyone, but at our "staff" meeting last night he made a few announcements that we are excited to share with you all today:  (1) the Chief's always entertaining season preview is in its final stages of preparation (blame Drew Doughty) and should be up and running sometime this weekend; (b) with expectations high for this year's team, the Chief has decided to it would be enjoyable for all of you to feel what he feels throughout the course of the season and will be writing weekly, if not more frequent, season updates for your enjoyment; and (iii) since he could not find the time to get you a Link Dump, the Chief at least was willing to find time to find a way (that's a lot of finding he did) to get you all somewhat interested in the start of the Kings season, with a little help from Kings Ice Girl Gabby.  It truly is summer all year long in Southern California.
The Chief also want me to reassure all of you that GameTime, TBD© is not about to become a Kings-only site; we will to our best to continue our Link Dumps and touch upon any major sports-related topic that may arise in the normal course of business.  For example, do not forget to tune in to Monday Night Football this coming Monday, when Jay Cutler may ACTUALLY die on the football field when his offensive line-less Chicago Bears travel to Detroit for the much anticipated (at least by the Chief) showdown with the Lions.
In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!