When Fantasy Meets Reality . . .

. . . the Chief folds like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face . . . or something like that.

[Editor's Note: If you missed the Chief's 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview, which went up Tuesday, do yourself a favor and check it out.]

Between Monday and Wednesday of this week, I was asked for my take on the Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh brewhaha roughly eleventy billion times.  Needless to say, it was a perfect topic for the Link Dump introduction.  But by Wednesday I was a little tired of talking about it (yes, they're both to blame; no, it wasn't that big of deal, let's move on . . . oh, and Harbaugh's a jag-bag . . . now we'll move on).  So, I am not going to lie, I was kind of hoping something would come up between then and now that I could talk about instead.

And, as usual, the blog-o-sphere Gods came through in the clutch.

We have often discussed the Chief's "Top 5" here on GameTime, TBD©.  For the uninitiated, the Chief's "Top 5" is a list comprised of the five female celebrities the Chief would have a "hall pass" from my Better Half if the "opportunity" ever arose.  [Editor's Note: Don't worry, she has her list too; we're an equal opportunity household.]  While the list changes slightly from time to time (the bottom two slots usually rotate to the newest "it girl"), the top three have remained the same for quite some time:  (1) Marisa Miller (naturally), (b) today's Link Dump introduction (cliff hanger!!!!), and (iii) Kelly Ripa (I can't explain it, there's just something there).  I am sure our more avid readers already know who our mystery woman is; I mean she has shown up on this site once or twice before.  For those of you who do not, shame on you.

With the Chief desperate for a new introduction topic to magically fall into his lap, imagine what his surprise when, on Wednesday afternoon, not only did a new topic fall into his lap, the topic involved his "Top 5".  On Wednesday afternoon, the GameTime, TBD© office received a tenant notice email from the building managers, as we do from time to time (wow, twice in one post?).  Usually the email is about fire drills, elevator maintenance, protest alerts, lame things like that.  But this email was different, for this email read:

We have been informed that filming for the upcoming movie Underworld IV, staring Kate Beckinsale, will  be taking place this Thursday, October 20, 2011 from 6pm until 6am Friday morning.  The film crew has secured a City permit for the closing of the alley. This closure will affect the parking ally entrance and exit.  Once again the alley will close at 6pm on Thursday and all access to the parking structure will be from Figueroa Street.

If you read past the first line of that email then, congratulations, you got farther than the Chief did.  The Chief was clearly focused on one thing: this woman, number two on his list, was possibly going to be in the alley right behind the GameTime, TBD© offices.  There was an immediate call for an Underwold movie marathon (slightly weird) as part of an office slumber party (slightly more weird) all so the Chief could possibly make a move on a married woman filming scenes for a movie directed by her husband (good luck with that).  Thankfully, the Chief realized that the email did not state she WOULD be part of the filming, so he relented on the plans.  But it should surprise absolutely no one that, all day yesterday, the Chief could "feel her presence", like he was a jedi knight or something.

Now that the night has passed, the Chief is on a mission to verify that Ms. Beckinsale was not here yesterday to put his mind at ease about a "missed opportunity".  So, while we humor the poor guy by going to talk with some of the production crew still cleaning up the alley, here are some stories you might have missed from the week that was:

• Sometimes almost being traded can be a miracle in disguise.  Just ask Jerome Harrison.
• Scam artists posing as famous athletes have been fooling the public for years: a pudgy sex offender pretending to be Vince Young, a petty thief claiming he was Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler posing as an NFL quarterback, etc . . . 
• Looks like Green Bay wide-receivers should have some pretty sweet entertainment centers by the end of the season.
• Allow me to be the first to welcome Bill Simmons aboard the Los Angeles Kings bandwagon.  At least I think that is what he is trying to say in this article about the NHL that seems to be about the NBA.
• What do you get when a newspaper, owned by a church that believed in black racial inferiority until 1978, writes an article about a predominantly black sport? This.
• Dwight Gooden confirms what we already knew/expected about Dwight Gooden.
• "Vegas loves long shots" . . .  except when said long shots are about to cost them some money.
•  There is always someone else to blame, right Charlie?
• Who knew getting drunk and throwing pointy objects at a wall could be so lucrative?  Having already mastered one of those, maybe I should consider a career change.  I mean, how hard is it to throw pointy objects?
• This is why I do not play professional sports.  [Editor's Note: right, that's why . . .]

We like to track our pageview data to see what topics tend to get us the most traffic and, surprising to some, our Kings season preview picked up a decent amount of traffic.  It should be interesting to see how Ms. Becksinsale stacks up (she certainly is stacked) against the Kings when this Dump goes to print.  Speaking of things to see (smooth transition as always), here are some videos to help your Friday afternoon fly by:

• Ever wonder what a squash ball hit 175 mph would do to a guy's back?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, we do now.
• Being the topper that I am, it is safe to say that when my yet-to-be-conceived child (don't want the 'rents to get the wrong idea) is old enough, we will crush this impressive Hot Wheels track.  [Editor's Note: eh, who am I kidding, I will probably do it this weekend.]
• I do not know about you, but I sure hate when someone posts video of me doing an awesome skateboard trick without my knowledge.
• The song in this video is terrible, the brunette dressed up as a referee in said video is not.  That is all.
• It is questions like this that prevent me from ever being able to go on Family Feud.
• Dirt Bike: 1, Random Chick: 0.
• I am guessing that crocodile will reconsider going after the full-grown adult elephant next time.
• Note to self, dinosaurs on steroids are scary.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Second Verse, Same As The First

[Editor's Note:  yes, I know the NHL regular season is a week old now, but I know you all are still dying to know what lies ahead for the Los Angeles Kings this season, right? RIGHT?]

It seems like only yesterday (probably cause I was still blacked-out until yesterday) that my friends and my Better Half teamed up to secretly add multiple ounces of sake to my beer before boisterously declaring it was time for another round of sake bombs on what was (from what I remember) a truly epic thirtieth birthday celebration.  Sadly though, the big three-one is already right around corner (December 17th . . . *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*) and, as Father Time prepares to put another tick mark next my name, I find myself having more and more adult-like thoughts . . . and it scares me.

Though I refuse to admit it around my Better Half (so don't go telling on me), I do actually find myself thinking more and more about what it will be like to have kids.  And what emotion do these thoughts evoke the most?  Fear, pure fear.  It is not a general fear about having kids.  Nah, I am pretty down with that thought.  Rather, it is fear that arises from being a self-aware individual that knows his shortcomings and knows that many of these shortcomings fly directly in the face of what I know I can expect once I become a father.  Having had the privilege of watching my siblings and siblings-in-law raise multiple future hockey players and/or GameTime, TBD© writers, I have gained a general understanding of what goes into to raising a monster child.  Sadly, it means I have also gained an understanding of where the challenges are going to lie.  Most notably, while I am known for my patience, one thing I absolutely hate having to do is repeat myself.  Can not stand it; I get uber-frustrated uber-quickly when I have to repeat myself.  So, that should make years two through eighteen pretty fun when the time comes, right?

So, as a man who hates to repeat himself, imagine my frustration when I sat down to prepare my 2011-2012 Los Angeles Kings Season Preview and I realized I could pretty much regurgitate everything I wrote when previewing the 2010-2011 season.  I mean, do not get me wrong, it was a great preview.  Plus, as it turns out, I was pretty much spot on with everything I wrote.  To summarize, I stated that for the Kings' 2010-2011 season to be successful, they must (1) maintain their regular-season closing ability, (b) learn to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improve their five-on-five scoring.  I also predicted Jonathan Bernier would be the Kings' breakout player of the year.  So, how did the season play out?  Well:

• Regular-season closing:  like the year prior, the 2010-2011 Kings managed at least one point in every game they led after two periods, going 26-0-1 (.963 win percentage), which was third best in the league.  They also were able to go 16-9-3 in games that were tied after two periods (.571 win percentage).  The 2010-2011 Kings proved they could still close in the regular season.
• Playoff closing: after earning their second-straight trip to the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Kings showed they had learned nothing from the year before.  As evidence, look no further than their game three collapse against San Jose in which they blew leads of 4-0 and 5-3 in the second period alone.  Once they lost that one, it was pretty clear that a first-round exit was inevitable and out in six they were.
• Five-on-five scoring:  well, the Kings offense was far from pretty last year.  If it was not for their spectacular defense (6th overall, 4th-best penalty kill, fewest power-play goals allowed), the Kings would not have made the playoffs.  Their offense was offensive, finishing 25th in the league overall and 21st on the power play.  The Kings managed only 148 goals five-on-five last year (17th best in the league) and scored only 209 goals total.
• Breakout player:  I chose our back-up goalie as our breakout player because I thought he would reduce the burden on Jonathan Quick by serving as a productive back-up goalie.  Bernier started 22 games last season, posting an 11-8-3 record with a respectable 2.48 goals-against average and .913 save percentage.  This allowed Quick to play in eleven fewer games and post career bests in goals-against average (2.24) and save percentage (.918).

So, at the risk of ticking myself off, the keys to the Kings 2011-2012 season are (1) maintaining their ability to close in the regular season, (b) learning to close in the playoffs, and (iii) improving their five-on-five scoring.  [Editor's Note: is there an echo in here?]  Thankfully, the Kings have Dean Lombardi, the best general manager in hockey, who spent the entire offseason making sure the Kings would not have a repeat season.  To be fair, the Kings offense took a major hit when they lost Anze Kopitar to a broken ankle with seven games left in the season.  But those seven games did not stop them from being a top-twenty offense.  And DL did try to address the scoring issues before Kopitar went down by acquiring Dustin Penner from Edmonton for a pile of [expletive deleted] at the trade deadline (jury is still out on who got the better deal).  But to be extra sure the offense improves this season, DL went on a shopping spree, trading uber-prospect Braden Schenn and fan-favorite Wayne Simmonds to Philadelphia for stud-center Mike Richards, signing veteran-winger Simon Gagne, re-signing franchise-defenseman Drew Doughty, and adding veteran depth/locker room leadership with the under-the-radar signings of Ehtan Moreau and Trent Hunter.

When all was said-and-done this offseason, the Kings had added $114.6 million in salary.  Ironically, Philip Anschutz-owned AEG bought the Kings out of bankruptcy in 1995 for only $113.25 million.  The addition of Richard and Gagne should, assuming Penner got himself into shape this offseason (jury is still out on that), give the Kings something they have lacked since the Gretzky era: two legitimate scoring lines and depth down the middle with Kopitar, Richards, and Jarret Stoll.  To top it all off, the Kings still have the cap space to add yet another top-six winger before the trade deadline if necessary (Zach Parise should would look nice in a Kings uniform).  By re-signing Doughty, the Kings are returning the same defensive group that allowed only 2.39 goals per game last year.  Add to that the fact the Kings have two number one goaltenders again this year, and you have yourself the makings of a pretty exciting season . . . at least on paper.  I guess it should come as no surprise that some experts have the Kings making their second Stanley Cup Finals appearance in franchise history.

Which brings me to this year's breakout player, the guy who is going to play the biggest role in helping the Kings get over the hump.  It is probably cheating to pick Mike Richards, what, since he already has two thirty-goal seasons, has scored 349 points in six season, and was the captain of the Flyers the last two seasons.  So I am going to go out on a limb and say this years breakout player is Simon Gagne.  Sure, Gagne is a two-time forty-goal scorer, but he has spent the better part of the last two seasons battling through injury and trying to regain his scoring touch.  If healthy, he will find that scoring touch.  It helps that he is being reunited with Richards, his former linemate during part of his ten seasons in Philadelphia.  I expect Gagne to net at least twenty-five goals this season, and if he plays in seventy-plus games, thirty is not out of the question.  Production like that gives the Kings two productive scoring lines to contend with come playoff time.

Come playoff time?  You bet your [expletive deleted] the Kings are headed back to the playoffs.  Expectations are again high for the Kings and, as was previously noted, so are mine.  I am both excited and nervous for the eighty-two games [Editor's Note: 78 . . .] that lie ahead because, for the first time in a long time (ever?), it is not just my bias that believes the Kings have legitimate shot at a run for the Cup.  Anything thing less than a deep playoff run will be a disappoint to most of the fans, myself included, and could actually spell the end of reign of Murray II.  I think they have what it takes this year, which means, come May/June, I fully expect to see Commissioner Bettman handing Lord Stanley's Cup to Dustin Brown.

And if that were to happen, maybe I will have my own future-hockey player/GameTime, TBD© writer come March 2013 . . . wait, what?

It's Back, And So Are We (Almost)

It has been exactly one hundred and sixty-five days--that is five months and twelve days for those of you not willing to count--since the San Jose Sharks end our beloved Los Angeles Kings 2010-2011 season in the first round of the playoffs.  And while some friends of the program [*cough* Ballgame *cough*] are too busy dancing around in fields of dandelions to notice, in a little over twenty-three minutes, the puck will drop on the Kings' 2011-2012 season and their first legitimate shot at a run for the Stanley Cup since a guy named Gretzky played here.

I know what you are thinking right about now: "A ten a.m. faceoff? The NHL has truly lost its mind."  Well, yes and no.  It is a ten a.m. faceoff because the game is being played in Stockholm, Sweden.  This is both cool and lame.  Cool, because it is fun to see the NHL share its talent with the world; lame, because it falls at the start of the work day here in California and, more importantly to our avid readers, in the middle of when the Chief should be putting the finishing touches on your weekly source of entertainment known as our Link Dump.

Well, needless to say, the Chief is far too preoccupied this morning with the expectations of the season to get around to a Link Dump for everyone, but at our "staff" meeting last night he made a few announcements that we are excited to share with you all today:  (1) the Chief's always entertaining season preview is in its final stages of preparation (blame Drew Doughty) and should be up and running sometime this weekend; (b) with expectations high for this year's team, the Chief has decided to it would be enjoyable for all of you to feel what he feels throughout the course of the season and will be writing weekly, if not more frequent, season updates for your enjoyment; and (iii) since he could not find the time to get you a Link Dump, the Chief at least was willing to find time to find a way (that's a lot of finding he did) to get you all somewhat interested in the start of the Kings season, with a little help from Kings Ice Girl Gabby.  It truly is summer all year long in Southern California.

The Chief also want me to reassure all of you that GameTime, TBD© is not about to become a Kings-only site; we will to our best to continue our Link Dumps and touch upon any major sports-related topic that may arise in the normal course of business.  For example, do not forget to tune in to Monday Night Football this coming Monday, when Jay Cutler may ACTUALLY die on the football field when his offensive line-less Chicago Bears travel to Detroit for the much anticipated (at least by the Chief) showdown with the Lions.

In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!

No Time; There's Never Any Time . . .

There is so much to talk about these days but, unfortunately, we do not have any time to talk about them . . . at least today.

First and foremost, we had an unexcused absence last week, and for that we apologize.  The Chief got hauled of to Chicago for actual work and, well, nothing happens around these parts without the Chief's say.  He was originally supposed to have time last Friday morning to finalize a short message but instead tried to catch an earlier flight home.  You can not blame a man for trying to get back to Southern California early, can you? 

What is that? You can?  Hmmm . . . I will make sure to pass that information along.

Unfortunately, actual work is also going to keep us from bringing you a full fledged Link Dump this week as well.  It is sad, really, because there is so much for us to talk about.  The Detroit Lions are back; the Los Angeles Kings played their first preseason game (hockey's back!); it is Bruce Springsteen's birthday today; the Boston Red Sox are in the middle of an epic end-of-season collapse which has decimated our once-promising experiment; we could go on and on and on.  But it was not meant to be today.  We. Are. Sorry.  Hopefully Marisa can cleanse us of our guilt (see what I did there?).

So, while we are not bringing you a full Link Dump this week, we thought we would at least provide you with some videos to help get you through your Friday.  Better than nothing, right?

• Take it from someone who has been there, nothing good comes from being the straight-gay friend.
• A look at what the Chief does in his spare time.  He is talented like that.  [Editor's Note: yes, I know a million other things ran through your head about what the Chief does in his spare time . . .]
• I knew Alec was hiding from his brothers!
• "Ain't no way, yo!"
• FIFA 12 is coming out soon for your preferred game system, and EA Sports has mercilessly abused my man crush on both Steve Nash and Landon Donovan to promote it.
• I have no idea what this event is, but at least Joey is okay.
• Keep your eye on the ball kid.  Well done.
• Last night was the 300th edition of JKL's "Unnecessary Censorship", and apparently someone in the audience really liked hearing Mr. Rogers fake swear.
• Secondary highlight of this video: "Craig Jams 4 Senataur (paid 4 by espn)"
• What better way to learn the rules of rugby than from scantily-clad/oiled-up ladies?  You. Are. Welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Never Mix Your Downers and Your Uppers

We have on good authority that the Chief has finally come to terms with end of the Los Angeles Kings' season and is finally ready to get things back up and running at full speed here in the GameTime, TBD© offices.  As such, we spent the better part of Wednesday and Thursday bouncing around ideas for the introduction for this week's Link Dump.  And, obviously, the topic we kept coming back to is the death of Osama bin Laden.  Now, we, like everyone else, are ready to never hear that man's name uttered ever again, but with his death, and the subsequent news coverage, we have all been reminded of just how far reaching the impact of September 11th was.  And, so we thought we would take this opportunity to share one of the many sports-related stories you may not have heard before.

Whenever someone attends their first Los Angeles Kings' game at the Staples Center, a lot of times you hear them ask this question: "Why is the Kings' mascot named Bailey?"  I am not surprised by the question; Bailey does seem like an odd name for a lion (the King of beasts) mascot.  I am more surprised with how few Kings fans actually know the answer.  So here we go:

Garnet "Ace" Bailey won two Stanley Cups with the Boston Bruins (1970 and 1972).  But his real impact in the NHL came from his career after his playing days, as a scout.  His keen eye for talent helped build the great Edmonton Oilers' dynasty of the mid-to-late 1980s.  During his time in Edmonton, he had become a mentor and close friend to the NHL's greatest ambassador, Wayne Gretzky.  In 1994, he was hired by the Kings to serve as their Director of Pro Scouting, a position he held until 2001.

On a warmer-than-average September morning in Boston, Massachusetts, Ace Bailey and fellow-Kings scout Mark Bavis meet at Logan International Airport in preparation for their flight to Los Angeles for the start of the Kings' training camp and the beginning of the season.  They board their flight with fifty-four other passengers, push back from the gate at 7:58 a.m., and officially depart for Los Angeles at 8:14 a.m.  Unfortunately, Bailey and Bavis will never make it to Los Angeles.  That is because, at the direction of Osama bin Laden, five hijackers will take over United Airlines flight 175 and, at 9:03 a.m., with the world watching live on television, fly the plane into the South Tower of the World Trade Center.

Since the President announced that the U.S. had finally tracked down and killed the most wanted in the world last Sunday, news organizations far and wide began tracking down both survivors and the families of those who lost their life in the attacks of September 11th, to get their response to news.  ESPN's Scott Burnside had the opportunity to catch up with the Bailey family, who have carried on Ace's legacy through a foundation helping children battling serious illnesses.  Burnside also took the time to catch up with current-Washington Capitals head coach Bruce Boudreau, who, at the time, was the head coach of the Kings' AHL affiliate in Manchester, New Hampshire and had his own connection to Bailey.  And for those of us who cheer on the Kings every season, we are reminded of Garnet "Ace" Bailey with the presence of a lion, the Kings' mascot Bailey.

I am not going to lie, there are exactly zero good ways to transition from a story of 9/11 to the entertaining part of the Link Dump, the links.  I will say this, if you have not been following this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs, you have been missing out on the best playoffs of recent memory, games that are head and shoulders ahead of anything the NBA can produce in terms of drama and excitement.  Seriously, I can not recommend strongly enough that you try to check out some of the action this weekend.  I promise it will be worth your time.  Speaking of worth your time:

• Men in green tights have not been this entertaining since Mel Brooks did his thing.  So, NHL, stop trying to ruin a good thing.
• Please add "Wayne Gretzky Rookie Card" to your "Things That Are Recession Proof" list.
• Flutie did it! Flutie did it!
• What? Police using racial profiling? Get right out of town.
• Just a friendly reminder that, while the First Amendment gives you the right to speak your mind freely, it does not protect you from the consequences of exercising that right poorly.
• Only with the Browns. 
• "We're not moving to Toronto." But Los Angeles sure is nice in the winter.
• Heartbreak city.
• For the talent portion of the competition, Miss Michigan will demonstrate her skill with a blade.
• Your "Horrible Person of the Week" award goes to . . . 
• Anyone know when Amazon.com will be accepting pre-orders for this one? 
• The biggest mover up my list of favorite sports is cricket; twenty-fifth and climbing.  [Editor's Note: make sure you enjoy the audio portion of the story.]

The video portion of the Link Dump is always an interesting process.  Some weeks the idiots stay home so we have to dig through our archives for yet-to-be-shown entertaining videos.  Other weeks it is like there is an idiot convention on the internet and every one is rushing to one-up each other with videos.  Well, thankfully for you, this week was the latter of the two:

• Nut shot + "I pooped myself a little" = #WINNING.  [Editor's Note: normally nut shots don't require sound to be entertaining . . . watch this one without sound first, and then discover how it is eleventy billion times funnier with sound.]
• I like a man who is not afraid to put his money kidney where his mouth is.
• At what point, exactly, does one come to the decision that it is a good idea to get in front of a snowmobile rolling down a hill?  1:35 apparently  . . .
• Security guard, FTW!
• Pull-up Bar 1, Jag-Bag Trainer 0.
• You have to be awfully confident in your job performance to pull off this office prank.
• Smashville, population camera guy.
• I thought I heard a Rebecca Black reference in Obama's speech last Sunday.
• Is it lazy of us to post Jimmy Kimmel's "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship" every week?  Probably.  Will we stop? [Censored] no!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Failville, Population Fail

It has been a pretty quiet week around the GameTime, TBD© offices, what with the Los Angeles Kings' season coming to an end this past night.  The Chief is clearly still in mourning.  Just not himself.  I mean, the "brain trust" is out for the day and he still says he has "things to get done for the end of the month."  Clearly, he is taking this harder than we expected.

And, well, all you people telling the Chief that there are plenty of seats available on the Canucks and/or Sharks' bandwagons are not doing us any favors.  I mean, really, you think the Chief is going throw his support behind the last two teams to eliminate his Kings from playoffs?  The Chief has asked one Ms. Kristen Bell to respond to these offers on his behalf:

That is correct, [censored] you.  Go Preds!

Now, if you have not figured it out by now, we will not be having a full Link Dump again this week.  Yes, that makes two in a row, a losing streak.  But we do, however, have a little story to share regarding an internet sensation that developed right under our noses.  If you head to YouTube and search "double dream hands", you are going to find a series of videos parodying a white guy doing a dance he calls "Double Dream Hands".  Some of you might have already done this and be well aware of what we are talking about.  That man is John Jacobson, and the dance is absolutely real.  How do I know this you ask?  

Well, you may recall that one time the Chief revealed that little secret about him being part of a nationally-ranked show choir back when he was in high school.  But the choir was not just about crushing opponents left and right in competitions across the country.  They also participated in many events for the children in the community, and donated their time to some charities.  One such charity is called America Sings!, which is a non-profit organization that puts on non-competitive choral festivals to help raise food, clothing, and money for disadvantaged children across the country.  Well, American Sings! was founded by a composer, arranger, choreographer, and 2008 Congressional candidate; one John Jacobson.    That is right, my dear readers, your beloved Chief has met, learned choreography from, and performed on stage with Mr. Double Dream Hands himself . . . on several occasions.  So, for your viewing pleasure, we present you two original John Jacobson productions:

• The dance that started it all, the original Double Dream Hands for all of you to learn and love.
• To easy? Well, now you can rock out with Double Dream Feet.  You. Are. Welcome.

The Chief informs us that they always learned the necessary choreography over the course of a sixteen-hour, two-day weekend event with Mr. Jacobson, months before America Sings! came to town.  Pretty much the ideal weekend for your average high school student, right?  Do yourself a favor and check out some of the YouTube parodies, they are pretty solid.  And check out the clips with Ellen Degeneres as well, classic.  But do not think those are the only things we have in store for your viewing enjoyment today.  In addition to Kristen Bell rocking the black-bra-under-white-shirt look (hot, right?), and John Jacobson making you want to stand up and dance in your office or cubicle (hot, right?), we have a few extra nuggets for you:

• I do not know about you, but I always feel good just getting past "ping, pong, rally, on."  So I guess that makes this pretty impressive.
• This interview pretty much confirms everything we expected about Hollywood screenwriters.
• Oh Martin, you will always be Ned Nederlander to me.
• I guarantee you this is not the first time Melanie Collins has been invited to watch someone do their business.
• You can bet the Chief was in need of necessary censorship on Monday night.

We will do our best to get the Chief back in shape by Monday.  In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!

Just One of Those Days . . .

Well, this happened last night and, not surprisingly, the Chief called in "sick" this morning.  He told us to close up shop earlier because it is Good Friday and "apparently that's some sort of holiday that people use as an excuse to leave work early."  Far be it from us to argue with a man telling us to go home early.

That being said, he demanded we not get too lazy and "make sure [we] send all of GameTime, TBD©'s avid readers off with a little treat for the holiday weekend."  I am not completely clear on what he meant by treat, but I am going to guess he meant this:

 

 Ah, Marisa, welcome back.  It has been far too long.  The picture was posted to her blog as a "sneak peek" of a recent photo shoot she did.  She does not reveal what shoot it was, but she casually mentions "I haven’t done something this sexy in a while."  Needless to say, we can not wait to see what the rest of the shoot looked like.  That being said, I am definitely going to try to convince my Better Half that she should be lounging around the house in high heels and her underwear from now on.  That should go well.

Also, our original intention with our "little treat" was to find a picture of an attractive female wearing a Kings jersey to remind the Chief that at least something good can come from wearing the uniform, but our search went about as well as Jonathan Quick stopped pucks over these past two games.  So, it you are an attractive female looking for more exposure, you should totally email or tweet us a picture of you in a Kings jersey and help make the Chief feel a little better.

Last, but certainly not least, do not think we would dare consider sending you off without at least a few clips for your viewing pleasure.  This is, after all, a civilized blog.  So:

• Esquire has put together a list of fifty songs all guys should know.  And to help you remember them, they enlisted Glee's Heather Morris to dance to them. So, now when you are asked what song was your favorite, you can respond "Huh? Songs?"
• Can you tell me how to get to Houston Street?
• I think Brian Wilson's beard ranks second on my list of "Most Distracting Things in the World".
• [*Mortal Kombat voice*] Flawless victory.
• Cause, you know, the blue blends right in with the ice . . .
• Note to self: Sarah Palin will not give sympathy BJs to the Democrats.

Have a great weekend everyone!

One Game Down, Down One Game

Here are some of things we learned from last night's opener of the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Shark's playoff series:

1. The Kings are down one game to none.
2. It is going to be a great series.
3. Thirty seconds into the game, My Better Half had the nerve to say: "They're good.  I mean, no offense, but that was a nice play."
4. According to random homeless guys in San Francisco, "75% of teams that have won the Stanley Cup lost game 1."*
5. There is a very real possibility that the Chief can not be friends with any of his friends/family members who are San Jose Sharks fans for the next two weeks, give or take a couple of days.  The real question is: will they want to be friends with him when it is all said and done? Mostly said though . . . 
6. Three twenty-two ounce beers with an alcohol-by-volume of 9.5% or more will render a grown man relatively useless the next day.

Indeed, the Chief walked into to work looking like a man whose team lost an overtime playoff game last night.  It truly was a sight to be seen.  When asked for comment on the game he responded: "Shhhhh, do you have to yell?  I'm right here."  I guess the body does not recover like it used to when you are an old man.  And then I had to do something I am not proud of.  I said: "Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!"

His first look made me think I was going to lose my job.  But then we caught a glimpse of the Chief we all know and love.  He chugged his venti coffee, took a deep breath, and gave us his analysis.  He was pleased with the Kings effort, blah, blah, blah.  Glad they did not get down on themselves after giving up that early goal, yada, yada, yada.  And then he touched the third rail, saying "there is no way that Jarret Stoll should be suspended for the second game", which is a rumor circulating on Twitter right now.  He claims to have watched the hit one hundred times since the game ended (we wouldn't doubt him), and he maintains that it was an unfortunate result of Ian White being in a bad position at the time of the hit.  It is unfortunate when a play like that ends in an injury, but Stoll is not a dirty player.  That being said, the NHL, like every other league, is trying to crack down on "hits to the head" and I would not be surprised if the league sat Stoll for a game.  The Chief acknowledged he would not be surprised if that happened either but maintained his position that it was not warranted and also pointed out that, "if Stoll is suspended for one game, then Sharks defenseman Jason Demers should sit for a game for his non-penalized hit on Ryan Smyth.  Last time I checked, leaving your feet is charging, and throwing an elbow at a player's head would seem to constitute a 'hit to the head' in my book.  The only difference I can see is that Smyth was not hurt on the play while White was."  Pretty impressive that the Chief can link to sources while talking, is it not?  Oh, and he makes a decent point too.

And to prove that the Chief we know and love is still in there, he finished with "Now, get that Link Dump done so we can go grab some beer and wings; I could really use a little hair of the dog."  Ask and ye shall receive:

• Allow us to introduce you to the sport of Hurling with such phrases as "fractured eye socket," "had the finger reattached," and "shattered one testicle, had to have half the second removed".
• "Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi." 
• Major League Baseball looks at the data and discovers that, apparently, high-definition television are not going anywhere anytime soon.
• Your "Uplifting Story of the Week": prognosis good for partially-paralyzed outfielder.
• Hmm . . . did I ever bet on a University of San Diego basketball game?
• But what happens to the statue when he has to return the Heisman in two years?
• NFL Network trades Joe Theismann and Matt Millen for Mike Mayock and an announcer to be named later. 
• Did you mean "train wreck", Matt?
• Want to miss the cut at the Masters?  This yardage book should help.
• Speaking of missing the cut, I am going to go out on a limb and say it will take an impressive second round out of Kevin Na for him to make the cut after this. 
• I would not mind having Sophie Horn in my next foursome . . . wait, what?
• Should be much easier for Mike Tyson to eat those children now.
• Clijsters got hurt how?
• British courts are not afraid to order gagging as part of affairs? Kinky.
• Taking the phrase "sex sells" to a whole new level.

So, anyone interested in joining us for beer, wings, and whatever sports happen to be on television right now?  Ha, trick question.  You are all too busy reading this Link Dump, enjoying those links above, and getting ready to enjoy the videos.  But, if you would like to join us, drop us a line . . . once you have watched these:

• Have you watched the intro video to Kate Upton's website?  No?  You. Are. Welcome.
• Am I supposed to be surprised an unmanned tractor wreaked havoc in a Walmart parking lot?  
• Good to see the Royals organization's ability to fail extends beyond just their baseball team.
• As the title of the video suggests, is this even human?
• If you missed the first episode of Norm McDonald's new sports show (conveniently titled "Sports Show with Norm McDonald"), then you missed this.
• And if you missed opening day at Wrigley Field, then you missed this.  Of course, you might just have been too drunk to remember.
• Sounds like Mayor Viaragosa has some interesting plans for Los Angeles moving forward.  

Have a great weekend everyone!


*No homeless people were hurt in the making of this blog.

Time to Tune In

Over the next three weeks, three of the "Big Four" sports leagues will play their annual All Star Game.  Yes, I know what your are thinking right now:  "Big Four?  I only count three."  Well, shame on you.  I still consider the NHL to be part of the Big Four of sports and so should you.  Sure, whenever I say I am going to a Kings game I am bound to hear jokes like "Why would you want to go to Sacramento?" or "Wait, it's hockey season?".  [Editor's Note: man, if I wanted to hear jokes that bad, I'd just hang around the GameTime, TBD© offices all day . . . oh, wait . . .]  Yes, hockey's popularity took a brutal hit as a result of the 2004-2005 Lockout and their inability to develop stars to build the league around until Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin arrived.  [Editor's Note:  which reminds me, the folks here at GameTime, TBD© would like to say happy belated-birthday to The Great One, who turned 50 this week.]  But now it is time for you all to start tuning back in.

And there is no better time to start than tonight, when the NHL kicks off its All Star weekend.  Why, you ask?  Well for starters, the league and players decided to go old school and will let the team captains pick their own squads.  We all remember what it was like back in elementary school when teams were picked of that game of basketball or soccer.  And now, tonight, we get to watch grown men twitch, fidget, and pray that they will not be the last one picked.  And then, come Sunday, you can watch what is, hands down, the best All Star Game amongst the Big Four.  NHL players actually look forward to the All Star Game; they actually appreciate the opportunity to give back to the fans.  They are not looking for excuses to get out of it, the league has not had to make the game worth home-ice advantage come Stanley Cup finals time to make it more competitive, and it is not a defenseless score-a-thon.  Sure, there will not be any fights or thunderous checks, and scoring will be a little higher than a normal game, but I would expect that from teams consisting of players like Ovechkin, Steven Stamkos, the Ginger Sedin twins, Patrick Kane, Rick Nash, and, of course, my boy Anze Kopitar.  [Editor's Note:  for the record, the Kings deserved to have at least 3 All Stars this year, but thanks to that December/January slump (don't get me started), they were left with one.]

You know you need your weekend quota of sports, and I know you have no intention of watching the Pro Bowl.  So do yourself a favor and tune in to the NHL All Star Game festivities this weekend.  Who knows, you might finally see what you have been missing all along.  But since the fun does not start until 5:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time tonight, we know you are in need of something to help you get through the rest of the work day.  Ask and ye shall receive:

• If the Packers win the Super Bowl, the Detroit Lions will be able to say they beat the eventual champion.  I think that, in and of itself, is deserving of this picture.
• Speaking of the Lions, a woman has accused a Detroit Lions player of trying to be the first to score in the postseason in over a decade.
• Speaking of the Super Bowl, all those strippers that were hit hard by the recession might want to make their way to Dallas.
• As friend of the program Ballgame put it: "It doesn't win you trophies, but it wins me Fantasy Football leagues."
• Because two football teams in Los Angeles worked so well the last time, right?
• And you thought American football was overly strict with its dress code/touchdown celebrations . . .
• Are you confused by the offside rule in Soccer?  Here is a helpful analogy that will clear things right up get you fired.
• Talk about excessive foreplay . . .
• Kevin Love wants to be an all star so badly, he started a website to help his chances. [Editor's Note: make sure you watch the "The Numbers" video.]
• I am not going to lie, when I read the words "scandalous photos" and "girls' locker room", my mind may have gone a different direction.
• What?  People gave up fancy gym memberships for more cost-friendly gym memberships during the greatest recession since the Great Depression?  Get right out of town.
• As an avid blogger and message board nerd, I can definitely relate to some of this story.
• In non-sports related news, I think they would have been better served going with the volleyball scene.

In reviewing the introduction, the Chief raised an excellent point: "You know, the readers might not know what channel Versus is on their cable/satellite provider."  Yes, that truly is a sad commentary on the state of the NHL's television deals.  And while we tried to find a comprehensive listing of the Versus channels, the best we could come up with is TV Guide's listing application.  Yes, that truly is a sad commentary on the state of Versus's website and marketing.  And now that you are all prepared for this weekend's festivities, here are some videos to help kill those last few hours of your work week:

• "I RIDE THE RIDE!  I RIDE THE RIDE!"  Que the viral video.  [Editor's Note:  need YouTube account.  Normally we'd share ours but it is linked to email and this blog, so that's a no-go.]
• So much fail in so little time.
• As impressive as this is, I am pretty sure the tornado-like winds blowing into his face might have played a role.
• Nothing like adding a little insult to injury.
• I think the real highlight of this video is not the stiff jab, but rather the one mother's shock over the ejection.  Ah, youth basketball.
• Must be nice to have teammates like that, right?
• Even in mini golf, the rules require that you play it as it flies.
• Wheel of Fortune is really starting to spice things up.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Well, Hello 2011!

Welcome back everyone!  Happy New Year!  We sincerely hope you all had a happy, healthy, safe and fun 2010 holiday season.  It was a banner year at the GameTime, TBD© household, with the whole family in town for some good, old-fashioned (read: drunk) fun.

And just when we thought we had finally worked off the hangover (apparently you don't recover as fast in your 30s as you do in your 20s . . . getting old sucks . . . but I digress), the Los Angeles Kings go out there and string together five straight losses.  Nothing gets the Chief in a salty mood faster than a prolonged slump by the Kings.  Mix that together with the Chief's re-focused attitude as to weight-loss and training and, well, things have been getting a little tense around the office.  In fact, unless you are an incredibly attractive blond (read: my Better Half), you might want to avoid him until the Kings win one.  On the plus side, we are four weeks away from the Chief's next go at a half marathon, and all signs point to him peeking at just the right time.  But we do not want to share too much right now as you will get all the juicy details in our first fully-original content post of the new year, our annual New Year's Resolution post, which should be up sometime early next week.

Aside from the Kings' winless start to 2011, things have been pretty crazy around the office here to start the year.  Between technical difficulties and actual work blowing up, it has not exactly been the calm start to the new year we had become accustom to around these parts.  Yes, of course this is all code for "short introduction to our first Link Dump of the year", but rest assured we are still bringing you the goods on this, the first of fifty-two Fridays of the 2011 calendar year.  So, we are just going to stop talking (typing?) now and get to the real reason you are here:

• There is nothing like getting the year started with some perfectly-timed sports photos.
• Speaking of photos, this photo pretty much captions itself . . .
• Yes, we live in Los Angeles.  But we still appreciate great sportswriters from other cities; writers like Steve Buckley of the Boston Herald.  That is why we recommend you take a look at his most recent piece.
• Thank you Captain Obvious.
• "The habitually upbeat Carroll became agitated, however, when reporters began to question whether he had a complete understanding of how the playoff system worked, and whether, by extension, he misunderstood the entire structure of the NFL."
• Rounding is a [censored].
• He might be out of football, but Freddie Mitchell still loves him some Freddie Mitchell.  
• Every now and then we try to do something for our female readers, like by introducing them to a real winner.
• Nantz goes up for the rebound and puts it back in.
• Those Russians sure know how to celebrate a victory . . . with vodka, lots and lots of vodka.
• This (attractive) female reporter has been banned from talking smack about CR7 . . . or, at least I think that is what we were supposed to take away from this overly-dramatic female-written soccer blog.  [Editor's Note: chicks . . . (sigh).]
• The Hooters' Golf Tour (yup, a real thing) would kindly like to remind you to not pull a Johnson.
• Not going to lie, we are a little disappointed none of you gave us the heads-up.  I mean, come on, we could have taken these two jagbags.
• We could not decide whether to count this as an article or video, so we decided to put it here as the last link in the article section before moving on to videos (sneaky, right?).  So, if you have some time to spare, here are the "50 Biggest NFL Playoff Fails" . . . video style.

 If you actually clicked on that last link, went through each of the fifty fails, and watched all the videos, we are guessing you are reading this sentence on Saturday.  That is the kind of dedication we like to see around these parts.  If you did not click on that link, or did click on the link and realized it was a little overwhelming (like we did), bookmark it and watch them over the next few days when you have some down time.  I mean, there really is nothing like fifty fails to make you feel better about yourself.  Oh, and speaking of fails:

• It is the best fails of 2010.  You.  Are.  Welcome.
• I know the year is only [counting on fingers] seven days old, but is it possible that we already have our soccer fail of the year?
• And our marathon running fail of the year?
• And since we are on this negative kick (I told you the Chief was headed for a dark place), here are one hundred great movie insults to make you feel better about yourself.
• And here is the coolest fail you will ever see, compliments of the NHL.  [Editor's Note: wow, turrrrrrible pun totally intended.]
• Let us take a turn towards Positivetown with some "sick" whiffleball pitches.
• And some "extreme" shepherding.
• And, of course, there is nothing like a "This Week In Unnecessary Censorship" to bring us down the home stretch.

Once again, Happy New Year!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Now I Know My "ABC"s

There are some people out there who consider it to be the greatest seven minutes in cinematic history.  Others, who are not willing to go that far, are at least willing to concede it is, perhaps, the greatest seven-minute cameo appearance in a movie.  After all, it is one of the most quoted monologues ever performed.  We quote it around the GameTime, TBD© offices at least once per week (the Chief more frequently), and the chances are you do the same.  It is entirely possible you quote it without even knowing it; you heard someone else quoting it once, liked what you heard, and quickly incorporated it into your repertoire.  We would not blame you.  Yet, sadly, there are those of you who have absolutely no clue what I am even talking about.  Shame.  On.  You.  Well, by now, you should know that we are not going to leave you hanging.  [Editor's Note: Who loves you? We do.  But a word to the wise: the language in that clip is definitely NSFW!  So, we advise you too watch it only if you (1) have headphones, (b) have an office door you can close, or (iii) have been looking for a good way to get fired and plan to go down swinging.]  It is important you watch that clip before proceeding.  We will wait . . .

. . .

"A, always; B, be; C, closing.  Always be closing.  Always . . . be closings."  I challenge any and all of you to come up with a movie quote more applicable to everyday life (seriously though, please do . . . if the Chief responds to one more of my questions with "Always be closing", I just might snap).  At work?  Obviously.  Right before you sink the game-winning shot in beer pong? Naturally.  Getting your buddy pumped up before heading out for the night?  You know it.  Any wingman worth his weight in gold knows a pregame speech that includes the phrases "brass balls" (wait, what?) and "always be closing" is guaranteed to get your buddy cocked, locked, and ready to rock.  Then all you have to do is make sure he does not trip over himself the rest of the night, which, assuming you do not ride the short bus to school, should not be too difficult. [Editor's Note: oh, if only that were true . . .]  And while I would love to regale you with tales of nights gone fantastically awesome and horribly wrong, (1) I am not one to kiss and tell, (b) you would not believe me even if I did tell you, and (iii) what I really want to talk about is Los Angeles Kings hockey.  That is right, my dear readers, it is your 2010-2011 Los Angeles Kings season preview.

Like with other sports, a hockey team's ultimate success or failure is usually directly correlated to its ability to close.  As proof, you need look no further than the last two seasons for the Kings.  [Editor's Note: Weird how that worked out, right?]  The 2008-2009 Kings finished twenty-sixth out of thirty teams in the NHL, and fourteenth out of fifteen teams in the Western Conference, posting a 34-37-11 record.  If we break that record down a little more, we find the Kings were 24-4-2 when leading after two periods (80% win percentage), 6-5-5 when tied after two (37.5%), and 4-28-4 when trailing after two periods (11.1%).  Much like their finishing position, the eighty percent win percentage was ranked twenty-fifth in the NHL.  While we generally try not to make any excuses around here, it is true that the 2008-2009 Kings were the second youngest team in the league with an average age of 25.658 years old (only Chicago was younger, at 25.470 years old).  More than a few games slipped away from this young team late in the game.  They were not closers.

So, what made the 2009-2010 Kings one of the biggest surprises of the season?  Even though they were still the second youngest team in the NHL at 26.290 years old (again behind Chicago at 26.243 years old . . . and, yes, Chicago did win the Stanley Cup), the Kings learned to always be closing.  The Kings finished sixth in the highly-competitive Western Conference, ninth overall, with a 46-27-9, and found the themselves in the playoffs for the first time in eight years.  Looking at the same stats as we did above, the Kings were 29-0-2 when leading after two periods (93.5% win percentage), 9-4-4 when tied after two (23.5%), and 8-23-3 when trailing after two (23.5%).  That is a double-digit percentage increase in each category.  Their ninety-three percent win percentage when leading after two was fifth best in the league, and they were one of only five teams to earn at least one point in every game they led after two (fun fact: Buffalo was the only team to be perfect when leading after two, going 30-0-0).  The Kings were better both offensively and defensively, ranking ninth in the league in both categories, and, with their new found ability to close, the Kings were winning the close games late, as opposed to losing. [Editor's Note: Do we thank the 2008-2009 Kings for that or all the girls in the South Bay bars?]

While the 2009-2010 Kings were closers during the regular season, they learned a hard lesson come playoff time: it is harder to close when the stakes are higher.  Closing during the regular season is like picking up the USC girl at the bar; two drinks and you are good to go.  Closing during the playoffs, however, it like picking up the UCLA girl; it is going to take all you have and then some, but, in the end, the victory is that much sweeter.  [Editor's Note: also, disease free . . .]  In the six games the Kings played against the Vancouver Canucks in their opening-round match up of the 2010 Stanley Cup playoffs, they were 1-2 when leading after two periods (33% win percentage), 1-1 when tied after two (50%), and 0-1 when trailing at two (0%).  That is correct; the Kings were leading or tied after two periods in five of the six games they played, and could not even force a game seven.

As the Kings begin their 2010-2011 campaign, I hope they continue to build on the lessons they learned way back in 2008-2009.  [Update: 1-1-0 when trailing after two periods early in the 2010-2011 season.]  If they do that, a return to the playoffs is definitely in the cards and they can then begin applying the lessons they learned last year.  But they will also face a new challenge this season: expectations.  With their success last season, big things are expected from the Kings.  They are returning the main nucleus of last years team, with the only notable departure being Alexander Frolov, who was known mostly for his consistently inconsistent play.  And while the Kings ultimately missed out on signing prized free agent Ilya Kolvachuk, I am part of the minority who thinks they are actually better off without him.  Do not get me wrong, having a legitimate fifty-goal scorer makes any team instantly better, and I would have loved to see Kolvachuk in the purple and black.  But had the organization signed him, they would have been handcuffed in their ability to re-sign their core players in the coming years.  The Kings, instead, were able to sign a solid defensive-defenseman in Willie Mitchell and partially replace Frolov's (lack of) scoring with Alexei Ponikarovsky, a four-time twenty-goal scorer.  Plus, Dean Lombardi still has the cap space to add a top-six forward as the season progresses, while also re-signing future-Norris trophy winner Drew Doughty, future-Hart trophy winner Anze Kopitar, and the rest of their young guns to the long-term contracts they deserve.  And it is this core group of players that will need to continue their improvement if the Kings are going to take that next step: a deep run in the playoffs and, at long last, a Stanley Cup championship.

There is no denying that, in order to improve on last season, the Kings will have to improve their five-on-five scoring.  While the Kings finished tied for ninth overall in scoring, they were nineteenth overall in five-on-five scoring.  And while they are now technically only the tenth youngest team in the NHL, some of that scoring burden will fall on a crop of prospects the Kings have been grooming in their farm system.  Do not be misled by the Kings average age of 27.337 years old; they feature nine rookies on their opening day roster.  Not all of the rookies will be around for the long-term, but rather are keeping roster spots warm for the likes of Scott Parse and Matt Greene, who will start the season on injured reserve.  But the Kings will be expecting some of these prospects to stick around for most of the season and for them to make a non-prospect-like contribution to the stat sheet.  Yes, Andrei Loktionov, Brayden Schenn, Kyle Clifford, and/or Jake Muzzin, I am talking to you.

And, of course, no Kings' season preview would be complete with my breakout player of the year prediction.  And I was obviously spot on with my last two picks of Wayne Simmonds and Jonathan Quick . . . Okay, okay, I did not pick Simmonds and Quick, and yes, my last two picks (Brian Boyle and Teddy Purcell) did not even finish the season as part of the Kings organization.  So, in order to salvage any sort of credibility I might have, I am going with, perhaps, the most obviously pick there is: goaltender Jonathan Bernier.  I know what you are thinking: "The back-up goalie?"  Please, hear me out.  Jonathan Quick was, by far, the biggest surprise of the 2009-2010 season for the Kings.  For the first in who knows how long, the Kings had a goaltender who was solid in net, night-in and night-out.  Quick posted a phenomenal 39-24-7 record for the Kings with 2.57 goals-against-average and .907 save percentage.  But Quick played in seventy-two games last season, was part of the U.S. Olympic team, a looked a little tired down the stretch.  Jonathan Bernier was long been considered the Kings "goalie of the future" and, but for Quick's breakout season, probably would have gotten his chance to prove it last year.  In a short, late-season call-up, Bernier went 3-0-0 with a 1.30 goals-against-average and .957 save percentage.  While Quick enters the season as the undisputed number one goaltender on the depth chart, having Bernier backing him up should reduce his workload.  And I expect Bernier to seize the opportunity and be the most productive back-up goaltender in the league.  Also, it helps that he just signed a contract extension, so at least I know the organization is planning on keeping him around.

And that, of course, brings us to the final question of every Kings' season preview: where will the Kings finish the season?  If you believe the experts, expectations are substantially higher for the Kings entering the season.  And, to be honest, this might be the first time I agree.  The Kings proved last season that they can play with anybody and team chemistry should not be an issue.  With all the experience they gained last year, and two legitimate goaltenders backstopping an improved defense, I am expecting great things out of the 2010-2011 Los Angeles Kings.  They will return to the playoffs, this time with home-ice advantage as the Pacific Division.   A run to the Western Conference finals, at a minimum, would not be unexpected and, if Dean Lombardi is able to finally add that top-six forward he has long been craving (without sacrificing his long-term plan), the Kings just might finally get the chance to raise the Cup.  You heard it here first.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go get myself a cup of coffee.  And when I get back, maybe I will tell you about that one time on the tram from . . .

Run (Not as) Fat Boy, Run!

What? Where am I? What day is it?

Yeah, it has been one of those weeks around the GameTime, TBD© "office". But do not worry, we are not here to make excuses. Unlike Notre Dame, who only plays like champions five to six Saturdays per year [Editor's Note: that's probably a little generous these days, no?], we play like champions all day, every day. And since it is Friday, and we are playing like champions, we have got to do what we do . . . and that is your weekly source of entertainment, our Link Dump. And what a week in sports it was.

Let us see [*flipping through sports sections*] . . . [*dead silence*] . . . ah, yes here we go. The Kings signed Ilya Kolvachuk have made no progress on on the Kolvachuk front. [expletive deleted.]

The Yankees lost two members of their family this week with the passings of Bob Shepard and George Steinbrenner. [*awkward silence*]

The National League won home field advantage at the World Series by beating the American League . . . wait a second, the All Star Game was this week? [*shrugs shoulders*] Oh well.

Ah, here we go the Golden State Warriors were sold to . . . hahahaha . . . hahahahaha . . . someone was willing to pay $450 million for the Golden State Warriors? Are we sure that was not for the entire Golden State? I think that is all California is worth these days.

My goodness. This was, quite possibly, the most boring week in the history of sports. Can anyone find anything entertaining that happened this week related to sports? What is that you say? The ESPYs were this week and it was actually somewhat entertaining? Well, of course it was, Seth Meyers was hosting and he called on all his Saturday Night Live friends to help him out. He was even able to make a joke connecting Cheech and Chong, LeBron making his television special a charity event, and the infamous Greg Oden (that's not a bong, it's for my) schlong photo all while talking about the epic (this one goes to) eleven-hour John Isner/Nicolas Mahut Wimbledon match. It went a little something like this:

That match was so long that the ballboys became ballmen. That match was so long Greg Oden took a picture of it and sent it to his girlfriend . . . You may not care for that joke but all the proceeds from it went to the Boys and Girls Club of America. That match was so long that the only guys who ever spent more time on grass together were Cheech and Chong.

That, my friends, is one well put together joke. And, as it turns out, the ESPYs were not the only entertaining thing that happened in sports this week. Here are some of the other things that you might have missed:

• We start off with a non-sports related article. A long, but amazing, read on the day The Price is Right got beat.
• Well established GameTime, TBD© favorite Marisa Miller was out and about not once, but twice this week.
  
• Speaking of lovely ladies, Erin "Pageviews" Andrews finalized her new deal with ESPN/ABC this week, setting up a classic showdown between Erin and Kirk Herbstreit for the "Most Attractive Woman on the Set of College Gameday With the Least Amount of College Football Knowledge" title.
• Now you can watch Michigan home games with 109,900 of your closest friends.
• Here is a status update from the University of Florida.
• We here at GameTime, TBD© have long been a proponent of requiring all schools have a live version of their mascot at all home games. That is why this article makes us said.
• Pacers screw Indianapolis; refuse to cuddle after.
• This story has it all: sports, the United States still screwing over Native Americans, the British being whinny wankers (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence), and a touch of World/American History.
• It appears time we start protecting baseball players from themselves, as evidenced by this and this.
• Speaking of injuries, gentlemen, if you make it past paragraph six (6), you are a better man than I.

So, as you can see, it was indeed a slow week in sports. But there were some good things in there, right? Right? Oh well. On a happier note, while the sports was busy letting us down, the video Gods were busy blessing us with a wide variety of videos to choose from. But we figured why bother, post them all.

• Do not forget to stretch before your weekly aerobics lesson. [Editor's Note: I feel better already.]
• In a very un-ESPN-like move, ESPN poked fun at itself at the ESPYs.
  
• Dude Perfect (yeah, those basketball "dudes" are still sponsored by GMC) came out to Los Angeles for . . . the donut shot?
• Cheerleader fail . . . twice . . . live on the news.
• Who comes up with products like this and, more importantly, who buys them?
• Ichiro, a female fan, and the greatest reaction in player-runs-into-fan history. Also, props to TSN in Canada for this great highlight.
• And last, but certainly not least, the video that has been making the network rounds this week from some guy who is definitely high on . . . err . . . life, and the inevitable music tribute that followed. Double rainbow all the way! [Editor's Note: sound is a must for both of these very safe for work and very entertaining videos. You. Are. Welcome.]
  

Have a great weekend everyone!