No Time; There's Never Any Time . . .

There is so much to talk about these days but, unfortunately, we do not have any time to talk about them . . . at least today.

First and foremost, we had an unexcused absence last week, and for that we apologize.  The Chief got hauled of to Chicago for actual work and, well, nothing happens around these parts without the Chief's say.  He was originally supposed to have time last Friday morning to finalize a short message but instead tried to catch an earlier flight home.  You can not blame a man for trying to get back to Southern California early, can you? 

What is that? You can?  Hmmm . . . I will make sure to pass that information along.

Unfortunately, actual work is also going to keep us from bringing you a full fledged Link Dump this week as well.  It is sad, really, because there is so much for us to talk about.  The Detroit Lions are back; the Los Angeles Kings played their first preseason game (hockey's back!); it is Bruce Springsteen's birthday today; the Boston Red Sox are in the middle of an epic end-of-season collapse which has decimated our once-promising experiment; we could go on and on and on.  But it was not meant to be today.  We. Are. Sorry.  Hopefully Marisa can cleanse us of our guilt (see what I did there?).

So, while we are not bringing you a full Link Dump this week, we thought we would at least provide you with some videos to help get you through your Friday.  Better than nothing, right?

• Take it from someone who has been there, nothing good comes from being the straight-gay friend.
• A look at what the Chief does in his spare time.  He is talented like that.  [Editor's Note: yes, I know a million other things ran through your head about what the Chief does in his spare time . . .]
• I knew Alec was hiding from his brothers!
• "Ain't no way, yo!"
• FIFA 12 is coming out soon for your preferred game system, and EA Sports has mercilessly abused my man crush on both Steve Nash and Landon Donovan to promote it.
• I have no idea what this event is, but at least Joey is okay.
• Keep your eye on the ball kid.  Well done.
• Last night was the 300th edition of JKL's "Unnecessary Censorship", and apparently someone in the audience really liked hearing Mr. Rogers fake swear.
• Secondary highlight of this video: "Craig Jams 4 Senataur (paid 4 by espn)"
• What better way to learn the rules of rugby than from scantily-clad/oiled-up ladies?  You. Are. Welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

I Went Green . . .

. . . and I liked it. As a result of some Friday night plans with the Better Half (which help to kick off my third "Weekend of Awesomeness" in the last five weekends . . . man I need to slow down), it was advantageous for me not to have a car in Downtown Los Angeles today. So, I devised a plan whereby my Better Half would drop me off at a Metro station (which, as it turns out, is not place where a lot of metrosexuals hang out . . . who knew?), and I would take the train into work and then also after work to meet up with her at our destination. So I rode the train (just like the Quad City DJs told me to), read a book along the way, and got to work surprisingly refreshed. Now, I can not say I plan to make a habit out this little adventure (and, if you know the route I had to take, it certainly can be an adventure), but I might have to start doing it every now and then for a nice relaxing morning.

So, we were conspicuously absent last week, and we apologize. For those of you who have been following this site since its early days, you know just how big of UCLA fan the Chief is. So the Chief closed down the office, packed his bags, and flew off to Austin, Texas for the UCLA-Texas game. He swore up and down that he would "finalize the Link Dump from his hotel room Friday morning." Well, that was about as likely as us winning the Mega Millions, retiring, and doing this full time. And who suffered? You, our avid readers. Rest assured, the Chief punished himself severely the rest of the weekend, and was still paying for it through about Tuesday night. And we had absolutely no intention of leaving you hanging for a second week in a row, especially when I am feeling so good.

What has got me feeling so good, you ask? Well, for those of you who have been following this site since its early days (is there an echo in here?), you know how important music is to the Chief. I have an extensive CD collection, spent more money on iTunes than I care to admit, performed for a former-President of the United States and the last General Secretary of the Soviet Union, performed in a nationally-ranked show choir, and, perhaps most importantly, met my Better Half while singing in the Glee Club at Occidental College (this one time, at choir retreat . . .). And tonight, for the first time in many years, I get to revisit where it all began . . . The Phantom of the Opera!!!!! Okay, stop laughing . . . Seriously . . . You are just being rude now . . . Finished? . . . Go ahead, get it all out . . . Okay? Good. Nearly twenty-two years (22?!?!?! Yikes!), my parents took me to see The Phantom of the Opera for the first time; tonight, I see it for the fifth time. Having all-but minored in music in college, I will be the first to admit that Andrew Lloyd Weber does not exactly write the most complex musicals. However, as a young eight-year-old boy, seeing Phantom at the Ahmanson Theatre, was my first exposure to music outside of Mom "rocking out" to oldies around the house and in the car. The lights, the performers, the costumes, the pyrotechnics, and, most of all, the music, left an indelible mark on my soul and introduced me and art form in which I could excel. And tonight, I get to sit back, relax, and enjoy that feeling once again. Only, this time, I get to share it with the person I might not have met but for that performance twenty-two years ago.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa . . . cup check (*clearing throat . . . adjusting pants*). We got a little carried away there with the personal stuff. Sorry about that. You come here for funny anecdotes, a fresh perspective, and stories about sports, not musicals and love. So let us get to the goods:

• First, we ask that you join us in a moment of silence for teenage boners around the world. . . . Thank you.
• Since he is officially divorced, it is no longer cheating. Also, can you blame him?
• YES! We are officially one step closer to ESPN8, "The Ocho".
• Speaking of Ocho, why am I not surprised something like this would happen with Ochocinco's cereal?
  
• Payback is a . . .
  
• Is it mere coincidence the number one recruit in basketball commits to Duke . . .
• . . . the same day this hits the internet?
• A case of "he-said, she-said" where he said the same thing as she said, but the prosecutor has decided to do nothing. In this case, "numerous prosecutors of both genders" ranks right up there with "don't be offended, but . . .".
  
• The hippies win again.
• "Sports don't build character, they reveal it." Well said.
• Our Little Snowflake got hurt playing football. What should we do? Sue the league and coaches of course.
• [*Dialing American Airlines reservations line*] Yes, when is your next flight to Australia? I would like to see what the Gold Coast has to offer.

Since we dropped the ball last week with the Link Dump, and since The Chief is all fired up for Phantom tonight, we decided to give you a double dose of videos this week. First up, we have the usual collection of entertaining clips you have grown to love her at GameTime, TBD©:

• This is one fall release you definitely should not miss.
• I have a feeling it will be a little while before Doug Gottlieb gets a chance to interview Jim Mora (the younger version, not the "Playoffs?" version) again.
• Jamie Pressly can clean my golf balls anytime she wants.
• So, since we dropped the ball last week [Editor's Note: must have been dirty], we have not one, but two "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship" for you.
• I waited a long time for this moment: "The Greatest Reality Television Screw Up Ever".
• Three words: Mike. Tyson. Dancing.

Second, we thought we would drop some musical numbers we recently came across:

• Okay, we did not really come across this one "recently". In fact, it has been here before. But we still love it. [Editor's Note: if you're a Star Wars nerd, raise your hand (*raises hand*).]
• This one too.
• Prep school girls rocking a Dr. Dre classic.
• Yes, I was in a college a cappella group; no, we did not rock out like this. [Editor's Note: language NSFW, so close your door.]
• You want to know why I love music? People like this.

Have a great weekend everyone!

About That Preview

[Editor's Note: Fore score and, roughly, seven years ago, The Chief set out to write a season preview for his beloved Los Angeles Kings. One draft turned into two, two turned in five, and I think he lost all sense of reality somewhere around draft thirty-seven. Yes the season is now nine games old, but that has not stopped him. So, finally, we present to you the Kings' season preview . . . yes, some references maybe a little dated, but do not blame the messenger.]

It has been a while since we have been able to provide our avid readers with some original content; the type of witty banter you have all grown to love. Lucky for you, a perfect storm of events occurred and have left me with some time. So I thought I would take advantage of this opportunity to get back into the saddle.

For those regular readers out there (you're still there right? Hello? Testing . . . testing . . . 1, 2, 3. Is thing on?), you know how big a fan of Saved by the Bell I am. For those of you stumbling across my little corner of the worldwide web for the first time, I will sum it up for you in one word: ginormous. I could not get enough of it growing up . . . hell . . . I still can not get enough. I do not care how many times I have seen an episode, if Preppy, Screech, Kelly, Lisa, "I'm So Excited", and Abnormally Cruel are on the screen, I am watching. I watched the high school years on Saturday mornings (yes, even their second senior year) and the college years when it went primetime (would you look at that . . . Professor Zolaski is in this episode of NCIS I'm watching . . . told you too much time . . . the perfect storm). When Zack and Kelly finally got hitched, I was watching (in my brother's dorm with him and his roommates).

I was such a big fan, I even tuned into SBTB: The New Class. Believe you me, it takes a big fan to sit through those episodes. The story lines were not as enjoyable, the "escapes" never as funny, and the women not as attractive (though Natalia Cigliuti certainly has grown up nicely . . . how you doin'?). Regardless, I was there. Every Saturday morning. Still a fan. What can I say, I am loyal to a fault.

My loyalty to the Los Angeles Kings is much the same. Not long after my family moved to Southern California, a guy named Gretzky rolled into time. You may have heard of him. His golden locks were not all that different from Zack Morris's hair (pre-The College Years . . . MPG, what were you thinking?). With "The Great One" in town, life was good for us Kings fans (Malibu Sands good), culminating with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals. But then Bruce McNall got into some legal trouble, had to sell the team, Gretzky got traded for three hockey sticks and a bag of peanuts, and the new class arrived. And for a while, things were not so great. Yet there I was, a fan nonetheless; still telling Mom before every season "They're going to be good this season; this is their year." No matter how bad it got (oh, it got bad), I was still going to or watching games. There was a glimmer of hope during the reign of Murray I (we already had a better Bayside, I just didn't know it 'til now), but he was the scapegoat for poor decision made at the top. And then there were the wasted Crawford that make me nauseous just thinking about them. But Dean Lombardi had a plan (a reunion if you will), has stuck to that plan, and last year saw the promising beginning of Murray II's reign. Though they faded at the end of the season, a sign of a young team, the Kings were in the playoff hunt for much of the year and showed improvement. That is why, when asked that annual question by Mom, I joyfully proclaimed "They're going to be real good this year; I guarantee playoff hockey."

The 2009-2010 NHL season is going to be a good one for the Los Angeles Kings. They have a lot to build on from last season. Murray II brought a defense-first mentality and the results were impressive. Last year the Kings allowed the fourth fewest shots per game (28.1), and ranked eleventh in goals-against-average (2.76 per game) and goals allowed (226). Their penalty kill, which finished dead last in 2007-2008, improved to seventh overall (82.9%) [Editor's Note: never mind that they're dead last after 10 games thus far this season]. But with the defensive focus, the offense struggled and registered the third-fewest goals in the league (207 or 2.52/game). Most notably, however, the Kings were the third youngest team in league last season. They have a nucleus of players under the age of twenty-six: Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, Drew Doughty, Jack Johnson, Jonathon Quick, Wayne Simmonds, Oscar Moller, and Matt Greene, just to name a few. The biggest surprise of the year was clearly Drew Doughty, the Kings first-round pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft (2nd overall). He registered twenty-seven points (6 goals, 21 assists) in eighty-one games played. Paired with veteran Sean O'Donnell, Doughty showed marked improvement throughout the year. With this core of young players returning, there is plenty of reason to be optimistic . . . but there is more.

Lombardi made two crucial off-season acquisitions I believe will dramatically improve this team. The first, a trade with the Colorado Avalanche that brought Ryan Smyth (yes, with a "y") over to Los Angeles. Smyth gives the Kings something they have not had for a long time (ever?), a player who makes his living in front of the net, making life miserable for the opposing goaltender. His presence should open up the ice more for players like Kopitar, allowing him to use his phenomenal offensive skills more consistently. [Editor's Note: would you look at that, 16 points (8 goals and 8 assists) through 10 games for Kopi . . . and Smyth's 14 points (6 goals and 8 assists) aren't too shabby either.] Additionally, he will provide an important veteran leadership role for the forwards, much like O'Donnell has done for the defense. Speaking of defense, the second acquisition of importance was the signing of Rob Scuderi, who helped lead the Pittsburgh Penguins to its Stanley Cup victory last season. [Editor's Note: "This is Rob Scuderi. I didn't come to L.A. to finish second." Love that attitude.] Scuderi adds another veteran defensive-minded defenseman to compliment the Kings' arsenal of young, offensive-minded defensemen. [Editor's Note: single-handedly saved two goals last night against the Stars.] Mark my words, these two acquisitions will be the most-talked about acquisitions in the league by the time the season comes to an end.

As for last year's breakout player, I may or may not have missed the mark a little bit. Okay, I was way off. Brian Boyle did not even finish the season with the Kings, shipped off to the Rangers in a trade deadline move. That is a little embarrassing on my part. I hope to do better this season, but my breakout pick is a little risky. Look for Teddy Purcell to be the breakout player for the Kings this season. Purcell has good size (6' 3", 202 lbs), great speed, and great hands. Purcell has scored in buckets for the Kings' minor league affiliate in Manchester the past two season, but his scoring touch has not transferred to the NHL during is brief stints with the Kings over that time. I see that changing this season and I am predicting a twenty-plus goal season for Purcell. [Editor's Note: 2 goals, 1 assist through 10 games . . . it's a start.] Of course, there is always the chance he will not perform and either be sent back to Manchester or shipped off to another team. So this goes out to you Teddy: do not prove me wrong, please.

Last, but certainly not least, is the big question going into every season for the past ten years: what will the Kings' goaltending be like. It has been the position that has plagued the Kings the most of my years as a fan. Well, I am happy to stay it is not as big of a question this season. Last season, Jonathan Quick came out of nowhere to post a respectable 21-18-2 record in forty-four games, with a 2.47 goals-against-average and .914 save percentage. Quick was one of the main reasons the Kings stayed in the playoff hunt late into the season and comes into this season as the clear cut number one goalie. He will be backed up by Erik Ersberg, who managed an 8-11-5 in twenty-eight games with a 2.65 goals-against-average and .900 save percentage. Together they are a pair of goalies capable of keeping the Kings in every game. And do not think I have forgotten about Jonathan Bernier, the Kings' first-round selection in 2006 (11th overall), who has all the makings of a franchise goalie and will get a full season of experience down at Manchester after spending the previous seasons in junior hockey. Do not be surprised if the Kings move Ersberg sometime during the season and we see Bernier serving as back up. This will be his team sooner than later.

Which brings us to the final question: where will the Kings finish the season? Will it be another season of SBTB: The New Class or will we finally get the original cast reunion we have been waiting for? As I told Mom, the Kings' are going to be real good this season, [Editor's Note: 6-4-0 through 10 games, tied for 1st in the Pacific with Dallas and Phoenix . . . What? The Coyotes? . . . It's early.] and that means I will be seeing all of you at the Staples Center in mid-to-late-April when the Kings are busy eliminating the some poor, unsuspecting team from the Stanley Cup playoffs. Will they finally raise the Cup this season? Don't be silly, baby steps . . . that comes next year.

There's Never Any Time

It has been one crazy week. My Better Half and I are getting ready to move tomorrow morning, which means I have spent all week packing up the "old" place. I also thought it would be a good time to get a lump of scar tissue removed, which means I am down to one arm during this whole process. So, between those two tasks and, of course, actual work (wait, what?), it has been a crazy week. That has left me feeling like there is no time, like there is never any time, and like I will never get into Stanford. Oh well, my college years were pretty solid as is, I guess I will just have to live with it. But rest assured, my dear readers, that, come hell or high water, at least once a week I will still have time for you. For no person should be forced to endure a Friday without a Link Dump brought to you by the fine folks here at GameTime, TBD©.

And what a week it was. The most valuable player of the week had to be the American justice system, which, in its infinite wisdom, allowed Dante Stallworth to plead out his DUI-Manslaughter case and sentenced him to thirty days in prison. So, just to recap: killing dogs, two years; killing a human being, thirty days. Now, do not get me wrong, I can not stand the thought of what Michael Vick did. He deserved what he got. But how can we be surprised that people have lost a little faith in our justice system (and think that athletes get a free pass) when something like this happens? Yes, I understand that Stallworth had to pay the family a sizable chunk of change for their civil suit, but that does not change the fact he killed someone, accidentally or not. The dude had a blood alcohol level of .12 . . . at 7 a.m. the next morning. His thirty-day sentence is fifteen days less than Paris Hilton was sentenced to back in 2007 for a simple probation violation. Sure, he will also have to spend two years under house arrest, wearing one of those nice little ankle bracelets (can I get that with diamonds? a Nike logo?), but I would hardly call that "hard time".

What I have to keep reminding myself, however, is that this was a plea bargain. Stallworth agreed to plead guilty for a reduced sentence that was offered to him by the district attorney and agreed to by the presiding judge. Michael Vick did the same thing. So, really, we should be asking the district attorney and judge why they would think this was justice being served; why thirty days for the taking of a person's life is equivalent to two years for animal cruelty of the worst kind. And that is what leaves me scratching my head.

Enough negative talk. It is Friday; a day we are supposed to be happy about. So while I go track down some Tylenol to take the pain away (where the stitches are, I'm no pill popper), here are some things you might have missed:

• Have we already forgotten that Matt Millen was the worst GM in the history of the NFL?
• Mr. Irrelevant now officially Mr. Making-It-Rain.
• Someone needs to turn Ryan Leaf's life into a movie . . . seriously.
  
• Need a deal on a new car? Call Ed O'Bannon.
• Since Meyer's arrival, you may have noticed that Florida football, while winning lots of games, has had a few (read: 24) run-ins with the law. Now meet their attorney; a guy who puts the word a** in class.
• This guy has a weird way of showing his appreciation for Bill Simmons. [Editor's Note: If you'd prefer to skip the Lakers/Kobe ball-washing, feel free to jump straight to point 4.]
  
• Are you graduating? Are you graduating? There's no graduating! THERE'S NO GRADUATING IN BASEBALL!
• Ump lets high school players experience life as a Washington Nationals' player.
• The rights to Mel Hall acquired by state of Texas, and for good reason.
• Women . . . loud grunts and groans . . . I am sure there is a joke in here somewhere. [Editor's Note: and here's a game to keep you occupied for a little bit.]
• I hope this guy remembered his swim trunks and his flippie-floppies.
• "But I guess I'd rather be alive than play soccer."

It is always nice to end on a happy note . . . which is why we have videos, and some good ones at that if may take a moment to toot my own horn. There were a lot of candidates this week, and instead of trying to narrow them down, we have decided to let you have all of them (go big or go home, right?). Say good-bye to your afternoon, cause you have some watching to do:

• Models . . . on a roller coaster . . . in their underwear. You. Are. Welcome.
• I really would have thought this tragic news would have gotten more national attention.
• You should not laugh at this. Unfortunately, you will.
• Your "FAIL" videos of the week brought to you by a referee and a news anchor.
• I always felt Gus Johnson would make an excellent golf announcer.
  
• I watched this video at least five times before I believed it was real.
• SVP proving, once again, he is too good for the Evil Empire.

Have a great weekend everyone!

So Much To Say . . .

. . . so little time.

When I closed up shop and headed home for the night yesterday, I instantly started thinking about the introduction for today's Link Dump. I had a lot of options. I had a break through in my golf lessons that has me all fired up about getting my game back to pre-law school form (i.e., when I played for my college team). Also, on Tuesday night, I met Pete Carroll. Well, meet might be a strong verb; I really just said hi. My mother always taught me that if you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all. So I kept my mouth shut [things I could have said included (1) Did you thank Tim Floyd for taking the fall for you?; (b) recruiting a little young these days, aren't we (he was holding a baby)?; or (III) How's that Song Girl coach doing these days?]. I also thought about going with an apology for the lack of original content thus far this summer. I feel like I have been letting all of my avid readers down lately and the guilt is starting to weigh me down. But all of that was trumped by something that is becoming all too common in basketball (both college and professional).

When you are leading by three with less than the length of the shot clock remaining in the game, you foul. You do not let Derek Fisher dribble across center court and pull up for an uncontested three (and you certainly don't walk back to your bench afterwards with a stupid smile on your face while the rest of your team looks shell-shocked; yes, I'm talking to you Jameer Nelson). I have seen it far too many times in basketball games, with last night's Lakers/Magic game equalling that of the 2008 Memphis/Kansas NCAA Championship game. The theory is simple: as soon as the team crosses center court, you foul the person with the ball. They take their two shots from the free throw line and at best, AT BEST, pull their team to within one. You get the ball back, get to burn a second or two more off the clock, and will end up shooting free throws yourself. You make them, and force your opponent to try a desperate long range three to tie, or maybe win if you missed one. Regardless, their last second shot is not going to be easy, and the odds are in your favor.

Why is this so difficult to understand (and why is it so difficult for Boobs McGee to find her seat)? It gets me fired up every time. If I were the Magic, I would fire Stan Van Gundy and cut Jameer Nelson on the spot. I would have done the same with John Calipari in 2008 (well, I would have never even hired Calipari in the first place, but that's just me getting personal). I do not care how much you trust your defense. You take any chance of a tie, no matter how remote, out of the equation. If you allow a team to make a last-second three to send it to overtime, you have roughly a zero percent chance of winning. You could see it in the faces of the Memphis players in 2008 after Collins made his shot, and you could see it last night in the body language of the Magic after Fisher made his. You might as well not even come out for overtime at that point.

Just thinking about that idiotic look on Jameer Nelson's face has got me all fired up again. I need to go for a walk or something. So while I do that, here are some things you might have missed:

• Somehow this piece set off yet another mainstream media attack on the blogging world. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I was mistaken for a 42-year-old living in my parents basement . . .
• Fact: you are a d-bag.
• Montana joins Washington, much to the surprise of Idaho.
• Orwellian injury disclosure policy . . . blah, blah, blah . . . shrouds of subterfuge . . . ya-da, ya-da, ya-da . . . damaged testicle . . . wait, what?
• Andy Sandberg, on a boat; Tom Brady, not.
• I can't quit you, Carson.
  
• Remember when the Rams had one of the most lovable owners in the NFL? That might be about to change.
  
• Just to recap: he did not kill nobody, or rape nobody. Oh, Manny.
• Remember this ESPN the Magazine commercial? Hopefully they listen to their advice, go with primarily female athletes.
• When running a sportsbook, are you not supposed to make money?
• There is no "I" in "team", but there is a me.

It was a banner week in terms of video entertainment. My sources kept coming up with great stuff from all around the globe. In my opinion, you all are in for quite a treat this week. I am not even going to waste any more of your time and am going to get right to it:

• If you have not seen The Hangover yet, here is some of what you have been missing.
• This Remi fellow, yeah, he is alright (and I am doing fine, thanks for asking).
• Look, I am all for videotaping your child's early years; there are sure to be great memories. But posting things on the Internet so they can then be spliced together into a comedic video is bad form (and we thank you for it).
• This video totally reminded me of Billy Madison, only in real life.
• Steve Nash: better point guard or reporter? You decide.
• No tag line I write will match the greatness of our last video. You. Are. Welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

What To Do, What To Do?

You may have noticed over the past few weeks a few Editor's Notes relating to the speed of the Internet around these parts. When we joke about the 14.4 or 28.8 modems being down and out, we do not necessarily feel like we are joking. There have been discussions around the actual office about bandwidth issues because people are leaving their Internet windows up all day (who on Earth would do such a thing?). Our "experienced" and "professional" IT department (if you can call one person a department), has assured the firm on countless occasions that there is plenty of bandwidth and that everyone else is the problem.

Now, I agree with him that everyone leaving an Internet window open all day will cause continuous traffic across whatever fiber lines they have running through here. But I spent enough summers working at Dad's company to know that a single browser window open on someone's computer should not take use back to the days when we anxiously waited to hear those precious, precious words: "You've got mail!" (YES!) Especially when I pass along the following tale . . .

Last week, one of the firm's managing partners up and quit. He took his team and went to greener pastures. That, in turn, resulted in several support staff members having to be let go because we did not have a need for them anymore (isn't it nice when you can finally fire people you've been dying to fire, and then point the finger at someone else?). So as of today, we are leaner by about ten employees. Which, in theory, should mean ten fewer Internet windows up and running all day and, thus, there should be, on average, more bandwidth available to the entire firm. Yet somehow, the entire network has been running even SLOWER this week. I should have worked from home today before heading out to Palm Springs to be with my buddies. As unreliable as our Verizon DSL is, it sure beats a dial-up modem. Sure, I am leaving early for the long weekend, but I still have my duties (hehe . . . duties) to you, my loyal GameTime, TBD© readers, to attend to.

So, while I check in with the guys who are already in Palm Springs to make sure we have enough sunscreen and beer to get us through the weekend, here are some things you might have missed to get your Memorial Day weekend off on the right foot:

• Where was this when I was in college?
  
• It is Vancouver. What did you expect the Olympic torch to look like?
• And in related news (related in a very loose sense of the word), coaches, athletes, and prostitutes (wait, what?) are all getting the necessary training for the Olympics.
• Please, Roger Goodell is far too busy dealing with Michael Vick to worry about such trivial problems.
• Hey look, Ryan Leaf is back in the news. For a second there, I was getting worried he had turned over a new leaf (See what I did there?).
• A foursome with Anna Rawson? Yes please.
• Q: What do Callaway and Lance Armstrong have in common? A: Their ball doesn't conform to industry standards. (Editor's Note: great writers steal outright.)
• Would you look at that, something exciting actually happened at a Royals' game.
• No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to her illness (Editor's Note: too soon?).
• No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to his illness (ba-ZING!).
• You might think a six-page exposé on Professional Bull Riding is a little excessive, but then you get this: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement." God bless groupies.
• I am sure this was all just one big misunderstanding.

So, I took Dad and Grandma to the Mets/Dodgers game Monday night. Yes, the one where the Mets committed five errors and the Dodgers still needed eleven innings to finish them off. I only bring it up now because it makes for a smooth transition to our video section. You see, Albert Clifford Slater threw out the first pitch of that game (if you could call it a throw). And while I do not know how that pitch will affect his scholarship to Iowa, it certainly does allow for a Saved by the Bell-themed video section:

• Sure, Asher Roth may love college, and these Davidson guys may love the Commons (hey, is that Stephen Curry?), but everyone loves Bayside.
• It is amazing how a little [beep] can change everything.
• Yes, I am recording, and yes, I am immediately posting this on the Internet.
• Ah, local commercials, you never get old.

Have a great long weekend everyone!

Let's Get Dialed-In

Can someone please explain to me when and how "dialed-in" became a catch phrase for an athlete's performance? It does not make any sense to me. I mean, I get that it is used to describe an athlete who is "running on all cylinders" or "in the zone" (two more great catch phrases that I can't hear enough), but I do not understand how someone landed on "dialed-in" as an appropriate adjective.

Take, for example, my session at the driving range yesterday evening. The only mat available was uneven, hard, and next to a four-year-old smacking balls left and right across the bow of golfers hitting around him. While his father was getting frustrated at him for not swinging the way he was taught, this kid was having more fun just swinging away than I have seen anyone have at the driving range (myself included) in a long time. When I took my first swing and knocked my 9-iron right out where I was aiming, my new friend simply turned and said "Nice shot!". Thereafter, I was stroking my short irons wherever I wanted them to go. While I was a little loose with my long irons and woods, had an announcer been doing the play-by-play of me at the driving range (hmm . . . play-by-play of people at the driving range, I may be on to something here . . . I smell Emmy), he would have said I was "dialed-in" with my short irons (and, thankfully, there were no signs of the "s" word to be found).

Now, there are three observations I have for you as a result: (1) golfing next to this four-year-old boy was exactly what I needed heading into my tournament this weekend because he reminded me that, in the end, golf is supposed to be fun; (b) "dialed-in" makes no sense as a sports-related catch phrase (but I sure was "dialed-in" to that conference call this morning . . . hello? hello? is this thing on? testing, testing . . .); and (iii) I applaud you if you were able to get through that last paragraph without a "that's what she said" because there is no greater game than golf for blatant sexual innuendos (in-her-end-ohs . . . baZing!). Regardless, I hope you will find that I am "dialed-in" for this week's Link Dump. Here are some things you might have missed:

• I vowed to stay on top of the University of Idaho cheerleaders and their uniform "controversy" and I am happy to report that their new uniforms have arrived and they are clearly less provocative (Kelly, could you give us a cheer? Thanks!).
• Speaking of cheerleaders, apparently they are as much a part of growing up in America as blueberry pie and drive-in movies . . . wait, when was this article written, 1950? And what does that have to do with catastrophic injuries?
• A little heads up to all my Philadelphia readers (anyone? anyone?): the "most popular hockey mom in America" is coming to a Philadelphia Flyers' game near you.
  
• This article pretty much cements my third point above, and all you have to do is read the title and first line.
• Steve Williams donated how much? I think its time I strongly consider becoming a professional caddy.
• We should be hearing about an outbreak of pregnant nurses at the Kerlan-Jobe Orthopaedic Clinic in about 3 months.
• Hey, my Lions finally got a win.
• Apparently basing a movie on "a true story" does not require that you actually tell the true story.
• "Naked van"? I should have been in the band.
• With the "Ray-hawk" craze sweeping through Tampa (and getting 11-year-olds suspended), women not willing to cut their hair have found a reasonable substitute . . . I guess.
• I will trade you my James Tumlinson rookie card for your Richard Alley straight up.

Man, I really nailed those links. I was totally "dialed-in". Someone get me a Gatorade so I can replenish my electrolytes. As for the rest of you, here are a few short clips for your weekly viewing pleasure:

• Oh, Martin Sheen, what has happened to your career?
• I told you the moon landing was fake!
• Sorry kid, just the wrong place at the wrong time.

Have a great weekend everyone (and wish me good luck)!

Something New, Something Blue, . . .

. . . but never something borrowed. With the help of the list of things needed to get married (as I will be, come next August), I am proud to announce the arrival of a new post (trumpets, trumpets, trumpets . . . fanfare, fanfare, fanfare . . . fireworks . . . thank you, you're all too kind). As usual, these words are all my own, never borrowed. Unfortunately, I have been forced to face a cruel reality, one that makes me blue (read: sad . . . see how I did that?). I share this reality with you now.

Do you remember way back when the producers of Saved By The Bell decided to make a second senior year of high school? I do, and at first I was excited. I did not know how I was going to cope with the loss of my good friends Zack, Albert Clifford, and Samuel; they were practically family. And what about getting the latest gossip from Lisa, or daydreaming about the head cheerleader/homecoming queen/swim team member/cheating Kelly, or getting annoyed with the neurotic Jessie (especially when she goes and gets hooked on caffeine pills . . . "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so . . . scared!")? So, needless to say, I was relieved to hear that senior year part two was going to happen.

Sure, some changes needed to be made. The same class coming back for a second round would have seemed a little odd. So Jessie decided it was best for her to go pursue her dreams of being a big-screen actress (if you can call taking your clothes for all your roles being an actress). Kelly also decided it was best that she go and sleep with every single male living in Beverly Hills, 90210 (no comment from Zack's people on how he's responding). Then there was the new girl in town, the "biker chick' Tori, who spent half the time being a bad-ass and half the time trying to discover her feminine side. Now, interesting enough, although the Tori episodes were filmed after the first senior year episodes, they aired simultaneously on NBC, alternating weeks. All that being said, the second senior year was a disappointment. Although the episode that features The Five Aces still ranks as one of my favorites, the second senior year left me feeling blue.

But the second senior year of Saved By The Bell is not the only thing that has left me feeling blue. This is the second year of Dean Lombardi's rebuilding plan for the Los Angeles Kings, and it seems to be worse than the first. If you take a moment to peruse the Pacific Division standings over in the right-hand column, you will see the Kings there at the bottom. The team is currently in the middle of not their first or second, but third five-game losing streak of the season and we are not even to the half way point. If I posted the standings for the entire National Hockey League, you would see the Kings at the very bottom; they are the only team that has not reached the thirty-point mark. As usual, the Kings are being let down by their defense and goaltending; they have given up the most goals (119) in the league. The team only has five players with a plus/minus rating of even or better, but only one of those five has played more than twenty games.

But like the episode featuring The Five Aces, the Kings second season under Dean Lombardi is not all bad. Their top line of Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, and Michael Cammalleri (who My Better Half thinks is rather good looking) all putting up some great numbers having scored 15, 16, and 14 goals respectively. All three are proving that are the future of the Kings and are all possible NHL superstars (Kopitar, only in his second season, is already, arguably, there). The Kings also gave 19-year-old goalie Jonathan Bernier a few games to get his feet wet before sending him back to Juniors (they were forced to do so based on some crazy NHL rule). Although he only won one of his four starts, Bernier looked sharp in all but one of the games he played. All signs point to him being the Kings goaltender of the future, and a good one at that. The Kings have also played in two memorable games this season. The staged a dramatic comeback on November 10th, beating Dallas 6-5 in overtime after trailing 4-0 midway through the third period. Then, on December 6th, they beat the Buffalo Sabres 8-2; at one point the Kings had seven goals to the Sabres' eight shots. Needless to say, it was a fun game to watch.

Through thirty-five games last season, the Kings were 12-18-5; this year, they are 12-21-2. Although all signs point to the Kings regressing this season, I am not ready to give up on them just yet (yes Dad, I'm always the optimist). There are still forty-seven games left in the season. That is plenty of time for the Kings to turn things around and at least show some signs of improvement. Do I think they will make the playoffs? No, not really; but I still believe they can have a better record than the 27-41-14 record they posted last season. Although we will not be seeing Bernier anymore this season, hopefully LaBarbara can fully recover from the rib injury he suffered a few weeks. The Kings have shown they can score, in bunches when necessary, but it is time for the defense and goaltending to keep the puck out of their net. If they can shore up the defense, the Kings are capable of making a nice run.

A lot of fans have already written off this season and, while I am not one of them, I do not blame them. But some are also going as far as saying there is no end in sight to the Kings' ineptitude. I would not be willing to go that far because you never know what will happen between now and season. Besides, if this season does not get any better, the Kings will be calling Steven Stamkos' name as the number one overall pick in the 2008 Entry Draft.

And remember, Saved By The Bell: The College Years turned out way better than anyone expected.

I Think My Clock Stopped Moving...

It is just one of those days here in the City of Angels. It is dark, cold, and rainy . . . but it is also Friday! Thank goodness. I know I have not been able to provide you with any original material lately and I apologize. Every time I think I am going to have time to write something up, life or work gets in the way (of course, by life I mean sports and by work I mean planning my honeymoon). I have two posts in various states of readiness and I hope to have them both up sometime next week. But I have been getting a lot of positive feedback from my avid readers about the weekly link dumps, so this letter to my client is going to have to wait (okay, I'm actually on my lunch break, but I'd put aside a letter for you guys). I hope you all have fun weekends lined up, I know things can get pretty crazy around the holidays. Me? It is rivalry week so you know where to find me. But I am sure you all need a little entertainment to help get you to the weekend; here you go:

• The Catholic Church seeks to make The Golden Compass the highest grossing film of the holiday season.
• Congratulations to South Dakota . . . so sorry to the Mormons.
• I am not sure is Jessie Spano knows this, but nudity is not allowed on television.
• In Australia, "chimney climbing skills" and a "gentle nature with children" gets you a prize. In America? Probably three to nine.
• Sabotage, pepper spray and a bomb threat . . . I am not talking about season 7 of 24 silly; it is the Miss Universe pageant.
• Man becomes one with nature (warning: kinda freaky).
• Who would have thought that children ages 2 to 12 could be so right?
• There go the mannequins, objectifying and assaulting the dignity of women again.

In honor of UCLA's four-point upset of USC last year, I bring you not one, not two, not three, but FOUR video clips for your viewing pleasure:

• I love the books and all, but really? REALLY?
• Nothing like a good, old-fashioned "Poon" fight with play-by-play.
• Think ACC official Ron Cherry is the first person to call this penalty? Think again.

Have a great weekend everyone!

We Must Protect This House!

I have always found Under Armor's marketing campaigns rather humorous and relatively unimpressive. I mean, I have not been swayed to go out and buy their products (and can someone please tell me what is up with their new "Click, Clack" campaign . . . what does that even mean?). And while I wish this post could be dedicated to mocking Under Armor's original slogan (the now infamous . . . that's when you're more than famous, you're INfamous . . . "We must protect his house" . . . taken a little too seriously by the Kansas City Chiefs' mascot earlier this season), it is not. In fact, it is about something completely different; this entire introduction was just so I could link to the Kansas City video because I really enjoy it.

Now, to the real point of this post. I hate to do it, and I had told myself I would not do it, but I have to take a moment and get a little political. Do not worry, I am not going to try and tell you who you should vote for or which party is better and why; I would never do that. That decision belongs to you, and you alone. What I would like to do, however, is take a moment to discuss two problems that both parties should be talking about on a daily basis (and neither includes the word Iraq): (1) the sad state of American households, and (2) the war on drugs.

I usually get excited when I have a story to support my post, but not for this one. As you may or may not know, the two eldest sons of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid were recently sentenced to up to twenty-three months in prison for several drug and firearm related crimes. During the sentencing hearing, Judge Steven O'Neill described the Reid's home as "a drug emporium" and found "there isn't any structure there." This, of course, prompted sportswriters, sportscasters, and radio personalities (including my main man Dan Patrick...welcome back DP, it's been a great month of morning radio) to ask whether Coach Reid should take a leave-of-absence from the Eagles organization to be his family during this time. This, of course, brings me to my first point: the sad state of American households.

This nation is in need of a massive priority shift. On a daily basis we read about young celebrities doing stupid things, kids killing each other, kids doing drugs, and the like. And when something bad happens, the parents are out there pointing fingers at everything and everyone else. Blame it on the music, blame it on the television, blah, blah, blah. Blame it anything you want, expect my child and except me. No one ever wants to blame the household in which these kids are raised because then we have to face the real problem.

The current state of our nation, driven by money and power has developed a growing class of people who prioritize their life as follows: (1) money, (2) work, (3) money, (4) conspicuous consumption, (5) money, (6) popularity, and (7) family. I would even go so far as saying we are lucky when family falls within the top ten. And no family wants to deal with their own problems, believing it can just be solved with money. Let's send the kid therapy, a private school, or, my personal favorite, let's sue someone.

My Dad will be the first to admit that he worked hard and he worked a lot. He has flown around the world on business trips at least ten times that I can think of, and has accumulated so many frequent flyer miles on American Airlines that he has a guaranteed seat on any flight he needs (read: he can kick someone off a flight to have their seat . . . which he has never done and will never do). Working hard paid off for my Dad, and he became very successful. You have to be pretty financially secure to retire early in this day-and-age, and he was able to do so, and is loving life. But while he was working 12-hour days and traveling weeks at time, one thing remained the same: his family came first. He did not miss holidays or birthdays, we had a family vacation every year, and he was the coach of most of our youth sports teams. He also would tell you he could not have done it without his teammate/partner, my Mom, who ruled our house with an iron fist (and a wooden spoon . . . don't even get me started about how people don't think it's right for people to discipline their with a little whack on the bottom). And when my Brother and Sister and I got in trouble, we had to face the consequences. Mom and Dad were not there trying to blame someone else. They have always their children in all of our endeavours, and while they might have tried to assist us in making the right decision, it was our decision to make, and ours to deal with in the end . . . but never alone.

We should have seen this coming from a mile away. Back in the early 1990s, a friend of mine, Zach, was having some trouble in high school; he was close to failing out. All he wanted to do was to go on the class ski trip, so that he could spend a weekend away with his cheerleader-girlfriend Kelly. But the principal would not let him go unless his parents came in for a meeting first. Well, Zach's dad, you see, worked a lot and was never around, and Zach did not want to disappoint him, so he got an actor/waiter to impersonate his dad so he could go. In the end, his dad found out but Zach was still having a hard time communicating with his dad. How did Zach finally get through to his dad? If you answered super-large 80s cell phone, you are correct. And though their reconciliation was touching, their story showed the tragic path down which this nation was headed.

And that brings me to point two . . . which I will discuss next week (ohhhhh . . . dramatic cliffhanger).