What To Do, What To Do?

You may have noticed over the past few weeks a few Editor's Notes relating to the speed of the Internet around these parts. When we joke about the 14.4 or 28.8 modems being down and out, we do not necessarily feel like we are joking. There have been discussions around the actual office about bandwidth issues because people are leaving their Internet windows up all day (who on Earth would do such a thing?). Our "experienced" and "professional" IT department (if you can call one person a department), has assured the firm on countless occasions that there is plenty of bandwidth and that everyone else is the problem.

Now, I agree with him that everyone leaving an Internet window open all day will cause continuous traffic across whatever fiber lines they have running through here. But I spent enough summers working at Dad's company to know that a single browser window open on someone's computer should not take use back to the days when we anxiously waited to hear those precious, precious words: "You've got mail!" (YES!) Especially when I pass along the following tale . . .

Last week, one of the firm's managing partners up and quit. He took his team and went to greener pastures. That, in turn, resulted in several support staff members having to be let go because we did not have a need for them anymore (isn't it nice when you can finally fire people you've been dying to fire, and then point the finger at someone else?). So as of today, we are leaner by about ten employees. Which, in theory, should mean ten fewer Internet windows up and running all day and, thus, there should be, on average, more bandwidth available to the entire firm. Yet somehow, the entire network has been running even SLOWER this week. I should have worked from home today before heading out to Palm Springs to be with my buddies. As unreliable as our Verizon DSL is, it sure beats a dial-up modem. Sure, I am leaving early for the long weekend, but I still have my duties (hehe . . . duties) to you, my loyal GameTime, TBD© readers, to attend to.

So, while I check in with the guys who are already in Palm Springs to make sure we have enough sunscreen and beer to get us through the weekend, here are some things you might have missed to get your Memorial Day weekend off on the right foot:

• Where was this when I was in college?
  
• It is Vancouver. What did you expect the Olympic torch to look like?
• And in related news (related in a very loose sense of the word), coaches, athletes, and prostitutes (wait, what?) are all getting the necessary training for the Olympics.
• Please, Roger Goodell is far too busy dealing with Michael Vick to worry about such trivial problems.
• Hey look, Ryan Leaf is back in the news. For a second there, I was getting worried he had turned over a new leaf (See what I did there?).
• A foursome with Anna Rawson? Yes please.
• Q: What do Callaway and Lance Armstrong have in common? A: Their ball doesn't conform to industry standards. (Editor's Note: great writers steal outright.)
• Would you look at that, something exciting actually happened at a Royals' game.
• No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to her illness (Editor's Note: too soon?).
• No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to his illness (ba-ZING!).
• You might think a six-page exposé on Professional Bull Riding is a little excessive, but then you get this: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement." God bless groupies.
• I am sure this was all just one big misunderstanding.

So, I took Dad and Grandma to the Mets/Dodgers game Monday night. Yes, the one where the Mets committed five errors and the Dodgers still needed eleven innings to finish them off. I only bring it up now because it makes for a smooth transition to our video section. You see, Albert Clifford Slater threw out the first pitch of that game (if you could call it a throw). And while I do not know how that pitch will affect his scholarship to Iowa, it certainly does allow for a Saved by the Bell-themed video section:

• Sure, Asher Roth may love college, and these Davidson guys may love the Commons (hey, is that Stephen Curry?), but everyone loves Bayside.
• It is amazing how a little [beep] can change everything.
• Yes, I am recording, and yes, I am immediately posting this on the Internet.
• Ah, local commercials, you never get old.

Have a great long weekend everyone!