Oopsies

Two things:

(1) First and foremost, we would like to apologize for the complete radio silence last Friday here at GameTime, TBD©.  My Better Half and I celebrated our third anniversary last week (time flies when you're having fun) and as our gifts to each other we planned a group orgy trip to San Francisco for the Outside Lands music festival.  We flew up to San Francisco early Friday and, in all the excitement, I shirked my duties to you, our dear readers, and failed to provide you with any form of entertainment whatsoever.  If it makes you feel any better, the festival was totally uh-mazing.  It was highlighted by Muse on Saturday night, which was pretty much one of the best live shows I have seen.  I also got to see Majer Lazer, Arcade Fire, Phish, OK Go, The Arctic Monkeys, Deadmau5 (which My Better Half said sounded like one long song [shakes head]) and The Black Keys, who were, by far, the surprise performance of the weekend for me.  And it was all punctuated by the fact that I got to enjoy the weekend with My Better Half in celebration of three great years.

(B) Speaking of My Better Half, she and I dove into Season 2 of The Tudors this week (yes we're a little behind the times).  If you have not seen The Tudors, the show can essentially be broken down into two parts, (1) Henry VIII yelling, and (b) people getting it on (turns out people loved to do the nasty back then, who knew?).  Anyways, during a scene of the latter kind with Henry and Anne Boleyn, My Better Half said the following:  "Natalie Dormer (actress who plays Anne Boleyn) has an amazing rack."  I commented that I thought they looked kind of fake because they did not really move, to which My Better Half noted that it was more the position of her body preventing them from moving and they were definitely not fake.   [Editor's Note: reason no. 347,218,769 why My Better Half is better than yours . . . she's so confident in herself that she strikes up conversations about other chicks breasts.]

For the record, I am absolutely terrible at telling the difference between real and fake breasts.  Unless a woman is rocking sweater kittens pointing north of the border, I am just as likely to think someone is wearing a good push-up bra as I am to think they paid ten grand for the right to never wear a bra again.  I attribute this deficiency to two things: (1) my general lack of interest in strip clubs, porn, and the like; and, somewhat related, (b) never having seen a pair up close (to my knowledge) and/or felt a pair.  To be honest, it is somewhat embarrassing when I am totally oblivious and either my friends or My Better Half makes a comment and I am none-the-wiser.  This is a problem I would like to remedy.  So, if (1) you are a reader of GameTime, TBD©, (b) have fake breasts, and (iii) are cool with me feeling your fake rack in a totally platonic way, go ahead and drop us a line via Twitter or email.  Do not worry, I figure the whole scene will play out something like this (which will be followed by this interaction with one of my friends . . . naturally).

Well, our little corner of the world wide web is so popular, I imagine the offers from fake-breasted ladies should start rolling in any moment now.  So while we are off checking Twitter and our email, here are some things you might have missed from the week that was:

• Okay, so I am pretty sure you did not miss the news about "The U", but if you have not read the official Yahoo Sports report, I recommend you do so now.
• Now, that you are caught up on all the dirty details, this flowchart should make more sense.
• With people debating whether or not Miami should get the "death penalty" for its transgressions, I think it is time we check in with Southern Methodist University, the only school to actually receive the death penalty, and their new strip club-esque football locker room.
• Well, at least he was honest.
• The lawsuit ten years in the making has finally arrived.
• Would you look at that, intelligent life does exist inside the New York Islanders organization.
• "This is a beautiful story of modern reconciliation."
• Baseball players always manage to find interesting ways to injure themselves.  Today's culprit: sleep.
• Let this be a lesson to you children, think twice before speeding on your motorcycle with multiple loaded guns.
• Robbie Keane is bringing his talents to Los Angeles.  Of course, by "his talents", I meant these. [Editor's Note: fake, right?]
• If ever there was a good reason for workers to strike, I would think "when a barrel filled with chemical products exploded" is it.
• When future law students study the First Amendment, this should be an interesting topic of discussion.

Right, the offers will start rolling in any second now . . . [checks watch] . . . well, you know, it is Friday and I am sure most of you are just trying to get out early.  So I imagine they will come in this weekend, and then we can go from there.  In the meantime, here are some videos to help you get through the rest of your work week.  Just as a heads up, this is probably, time wise, the longest collection of videos we have ever posted.  Excited?  Here we go:

• Twelve minutes of girl fails?  Twelve minutes of [mostly-drunk] girl fails.
• As it turns out, some of the most famous lines/scenes in cinematic history were never scripted; go figure.  [Editor's Note: strong language, headphones/closing of office door advised.]
• Ages ago, we brought you "Batting Stance Guy" impersonating . . . well . . . batting stances.  As it turns out, he does some other pretty solid impersonations as well.
• Ah yes, the old "racket-to-balls" trick.  Gets them every time.
• Why use just words when you can look like an idiot instead?  Thanks, ESPN.
• I would not mind seeing a few more Swingers references around here, so might as well get the ball rolling on that one.
• Not shown: me doing everything Danny MacAskill does . . . blindfolded.
• I imagine the presidential primaries will be providing Jimmy Kimmel with plenty of unnecessary censorship opportunities.  Oh look, I am right.

Have a great weekend everyone!