If you do not think the next three weeks are the greatest three weeks of the year, please raise your hand. Anyone? Anyone? That is what I thought. March Madness has descended upon us once again, and that means it is time for me to fill out a countless number of brackets. Within the next 24 to 48 hours, I will inevitably join more NCAA pools than 99.9% of you (seriously, I'm like a virgin on prom night...I can't say no).
For me, like many addicts, March Madness begins with all of the various conference tournaments. The reason for this is twofold. First, it gives me a chance to see tournament-bound teams from the mid-major conferences play. How am I to guess who this year's "Cinderella" will be if I have not seen fifteen of the teams play? (My Better Half thinks it's just another excuse for me to sit on the couch for a week, force her to watch sports, and be useless. Mix in the fact that I was really sick last week and I was doubly useless to her...good times.) Second, it gives me the opportunity to warm up for "The Big Dance."
My family and I always attend the first and second rounds of the tournament. We select a location, enter the lottery, and hope we get eight to twelve tickets. This year we are headed to Sacramento. It is the first time I will get to watch UCLA play in the tourney. I am really excited. But believe you me, sitting through four games in a single day is a drain, both physically and mentally. It is not something you can just throw yourself into without proper preparation. That is why some of my family members (myself included) always attend the Pac-10 Tournament. It gives us the chance to acclimatize ourselves to what it takes to sit through four games in one day. (One thing that helps me get through the day is figuring out which school has the best [read: hottest] cheerleaders. I'm always surprised that, year-in and year-out, the Pac-10's "best" cheerleaders come from Oregon, hands down. With Arizona State, UCLA, and that other school from southern California in the conference, you'd think Oregon couldn't do it, but they do. My Mom tried to convince me that "that other school" had the best squad this year, but she was wrong for three reasons: (1) I'm a UCLA fan, I'll never pick a squad from that other school as the best in anything; (b) I can't pick a squad that has cheerleaders who don't know when to cheer; and (iii) did I mention they're from that other school?...but I digress.)
My favorite NCAA pool that I will participate in is the one I am the commissioner of; it is a pool involving my extended family. That is one of the great things about the NCAA tournament, it gives me a opportunity to spend three weeks communicating with the people closest to me (and nothing says "I love you" better than some good, old fashioned trash talking that comes straight from the heart...seriously, if didn't know my Dad actually cared, I'd already be crying and the tournament hasn't even started yet; he's almost too good). It is also great because it gives my Better Half the chance to beat me at something (wait a sec, that's not great). She dusted me last year; it was not even close. Even worse, she picked teams based on the people she knew who went to that school. It is not fair that one of her best friends from high school goes to UCLA and her sister goes to George Mason for grad school. I think this is why women tend to do better in NCAA pools than men (see, e.g., my Mom winning last year's family pool). I think men tend to over think the brackets while women are more concerned about who they know at the schools and how cute the players are (taking a page out of the ladies' playbook, I used the old "how cute are the school's cheerleaders" approach in one of my brackets this year...Oregon got to the Elite 8).
Most importantly, however, I am hoping this year's tournament will finally get the bad taste of last year's tournament out of my mouth (seriously, I feel bad my Better Half has had to kiss me all this time). I mean, sure UCLA made it to the finals, but they got blown out by Florida. And, as a result, we have had to endure this past year of everyone talking about how great Joakim Noah is. I hate Joakim Noah. Has there ever been a more overrated (or uglier) basketball player in the history of college basketball? We all know how Dick Vitale feels, and it is probably the only thing we agree on. Sure he played well for two or three games in last year's tournament, but this year he is only the fourth leading scorer on his team and most of his points have come when there are six minutes left in a game and his team has already secured a victory. I only saw one game this season where he had an impact on a tight game. Most of the time he just acts like a freak or throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old. I hope UCLA is able to make it to the Final Four so that a rematch of last year's championship game is possible. Lorenzo Mata will break Noah in half and Alfred Aboya will have a chance to relive the greatest moment of last year's game. And this year, I guarantee that UCLA will mop the floor with them; nobody gets the best of Ben Howland twice.
Time to dust off your dancing shoes and grab your partner, "The Big Dance" tips off in 66 hours.
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