I Swear, I Am Not Crazy

Happy Friday to you all. I hope everyone is surviving this crazy weather we are having . . . well . . . pretty much across the country. At our weekly GameTime, TBD© "staff meeting" this morning it was decided that this will be the second to last official Link Dump of 2009. Apparently, some people were not to thrilled with the idea of trying to put something together for Christmas or New Years. "But what about our Jewish readers?" I replied. Then I discovered when offices close for Christmas, that means everyone stays home. Turns out New Years also falls on Friday. I thought it best to let my "staff" sleep it off that day, rather than putting together some rambling, incoherent Link Dump. So, next week will be the last Friday of 2009 for us to provide you with your weekly does of news and entertainment (it also happens to be the day after the Chief's 29th birthday . . . hint, hint . . .).

Yesterday morning, a nice young man (we'll call him Matt . . . if only because that's what his name tag said) woke up and said "I have to remember to go to my shelf-stocker job at Vons this afternoon." Meanwhile, somewhere across town, it was decided that I would stop and do the grocery shopping after work, while my Better Half spent the day cranking out a take-home (seriously?) final. Now, if you know me (which you obviously do by now), you know that I am a huge popcorn fan (borderline snob). And I am not talking about that microwaveable crap. No; I am talking about the fresh kernels that are popped over an open flame on the stove. Now, back to Matt. Matt went about his day as usual, got work, and began the tedious process of restocking shelves and helping old women reach cans of soup. Then, at about 6:53 p.m. PST, Matt took that fateful turn down the Peanuts/Popcorn aisle, where he ran into me. The conversation went something like this

The Chief: Excuse me, do you know if you have any non-microwave popcorn in the back?
Matt: Whatever we have is already out here.
The Chief: Really?
Matt: [*reaching for bottom shelf*] We have this bag of kernels right here.
The Chief: [*giving the old "really?" expression*] Is that it? You only have Safeway brand?
Matt: Sir, I can assure you the Safeway brand is a quality popcorn.
The Chief: Have you ever had it?
Matt: No.
The Chief: So then, would it be fair to say that you can neither confirm nor deny whether the Safeway brand popcorn kernels are of equal quality to Orville Redenbacher kernels?
Matt: I guess. [*giving the old "what did I do to deserve this?" expression]
The Chief: Okay, well, I know what I am about to say is going to sound like I'm telling you that two plus two equals a bushel of apples, but between you and me, the two are not even close. Write that down.
Matt: I don't have a pen.
The Chief: Well, remember that then. In the mean time, I'll take what I can and enjoy this Safeway brand popcorn to the best of my ability.
Matt: Well, have a nice night, sir. [*giving the old "I hope you get mowed down in the parking lot by that old lady I just helped who clearly shouldn't be driving" look*]

I know what you are all thinking right about now and, yes, it is true, I did direct him to Orville Redenbacher's Wikipedia page in the middle of our conversation. And, to be quite honest, I think that is where I lost Matt. I think I was about to win him over, but that was just a little too far. But at least he learned something at work yesterday, and that is something he can thank me for next time I pacing the Peanuts/Popcorn aisle looking for my Orville Redenbacher popping corn. And since I was nice enough to teach Matt something this week, here are some things to help make you more informed sports fans:

• In the spirit of the Holiday Season, we start with Marisa Miller in the December issue of Access magazine. Have I ever heard of Access magazine? Who cares.
• While the Senate is stuck debating health care reform, the House has moved on to more important things.
• Brian Kelly's former players wish him nothing but success at his new job.
• Tennessee expects me to believe these chicks are not running the spread offense for high school recruits?
• Speaking of hostesses, here is a brief history of their use at various colleges.
• Penbrook will not tolerate Steelers fans in their county . . . oops, nevermind, apparently they forgot about that whole First Amendment thing. Honest mistake.
• Your "Chad Ochocinco is the most amazing professional athlete ever" update of the week.
• Yesterday, there was some tragic news out of Seattle. Brace yourself.
• I am officially considering a career change.
  
• What could possibly go wrong?
• Tracy McGrady has yet to play in a game this NBA season. Keep that in mind when reading this headline.
• "Bonds' agent concedes slugger's playing days are over." Now, who gets to go tell Barry?
• High school volleyball player lets one get past the blockers, gets benched, sues school. Talk about your no-win situation.

Okay, level with me, should I be feeling guilty about last night? No? Good, I did not think so. I mean, I am not being crazy here. Orville Redenbacher versus Safeway brand? There really is no comparison. Good, thanks for the support. Moving on. Here are some clips for your viewing pleasure. Hopefully, you do not think they suck:

• Selection Sunday at the BCS Headquarters went about as well as anyone expected.
• "Well, a bet's a bet." Only the finest live in the South.
  
• Let me see, goalie scores a goal? Check. Goalie runs the length of the field to celebrate? Check. Teammate gets on top of him and simulates sex? Check.
• My lone mention of Tiger this week: the Tiger Woods Anthem.
• I have said it before, and I will say it again: local commercials rule.
• "Why the Internet is Great" reason number 1,763,459: videos like this.
  
• David Letterman sent out his first official tweet this week, as only David Letterman could.

Have a great weekend everyone!