Sorry for the recent lack of activity around these parts, life keeps getting in the way. If any of you know of a good way for us to make a lot of money doing this so that we can quit work, please do no hesitate to contact us at the email address listed in the upper right-hand corner.
Also, we have a couple videos for you. The first is embedded into this post because (1) it is fun to see Jeopardy acknowledge the futility of the Detroit Lions, and (B) the woman's reaction is priceless.
The second video has been making the rounds this week and chances are you have already seen it. Although it is animated and looks like it is meant for kids, the language becomes extremely not safe for work. That being said [Editor's Note: twice in one post? really?], it is a 100% accurate depiction of how consumers respond to new Apple products. Enjoy.
We hope to be back up to full capacity next week. In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!
Let us see [*flipping through sports sections*] . . . [*dead silence*] . . . ah, yes here we go. The Kings signed Ilya Kolvachuk have made no progress on on the Kolvachuk front. [expletive deleted.]
The Yankees lost two members of their family this week with the passings of Bob Shepard and George Steinbrenner. [*awkward silence*]
The National League won home field advantage at the World Series by beating the American League . . . wait a second, the All Star Game was this week? [*shrugs shoulders*] Oh well.
Ah, here we go the Golden State Warriors were sold to . . . hahahaha . . . hahahahaha . . . someone was willing to pay $450 million for the Golden State Warriors? Are we sure that was not for the entire Golden State? I think that is all California is worth these days.
My goodness. This was, quite possibly, the most boring week in the history of sports. Can anyone find anything entertaining that happened this week related to sports? What is that you say? The ESPYs were this week and it was actually somewhat entertaining? Well, of course it was, Seth Meyers was hosting and he called on all his Saturday Night Live friends to help him out. He was even able to make a joke connecting Cheech and Chong, LeBron making his television special a charity event, and the infamous Greg Oden (that's not a bong, it's for my) schlong photo all while talking about the epic (this one goes to) eleven-hour John Isner/Nicolas Mahut Wimbledon match. It went a little something like this:
That match was so long that the ballboys became ballmen. That match was so long Greg Oden took a picture of it and sent it to his girlfriend . . . You may not care for that joke but all the proceeds from it went to the Boys and Girls Club of America. That match was so long that the only guys who ever spent more time on grass together were Cheech and Chong.
That, my friends, is one well put together joke. And, as it turns out, the ESPYs were not the only entertaining thing that happened in sports this week. Here are some of the other things that you might have missed:
We start off with a non-sports related article. A long, but amazing, read on the day The Price is Rightgot beat.
Speaking of lovely ladies, Erin "Pageviews" Andrews finalized her new deal with ESPN/ABC this week, setting up a classic showdown between Erin and Kirk Herbstreit for the "Most Attractive Woman on the Set of College Gameday With the Least Amount of College Football Knowledge" title.
This story has it all: sports, the United States still screwing over Native Americans, the British being whinny wankers (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence), and a touch of World/American History.
It appears time we start protecting baseball players from themselves, as evidenced by this and this.
Speaking of injuries, gentlemen, if you make it past paragraph six (6), you are a better man than I.
So, as you can see, it was indeed a slow week in sports. But there were some good things in there, right? Right? Oh well. On a happier note, while the sports was busy letting us down, the video Gods were busy blessing us with a wide variety of videos to choose from. But we figured why bother, post them all.
Do not forget to stretch before your weekly aerobics lesson. [Editor's Note: I feel better already.]
In a very un-ESPN-like move, ESPN poked fun at itself at the ESPYs.
Dude Perfect (yeah, those basketball "dudes" are still sponsored by GMC) came out to Los Angeles for . . . the donut shot?
Cheerleader fail . . . twice . . . live on the news.
Who comes up with products like this and, more importantly, who buys them?
Ichiro, a female fan, and the greatest reaction in player-runs-into-fan history. Also, props to TSN in Canada for this great highlight.
And last, but certainly not least, the video that has been making the network rounds this week from some guy who is definitely high on . . . err . . . life, and the inevitable music tribute that followed. Double rainbow all the way! [Editor's Note: sound is a must for both of these very safe for work and very entertaining videos. You. Are. Welcome.]
We have to be short on the intro because, as can happen from time-to-time, actual work in getting the way. While we would have loved to dive into the LeBron love fest that went down last night on the Evil Empire, time is not on our side today. But we do have time to squeeze in a few quick comments. First, I love that ESPN got out-scoped on LeBron's choice by both Stephen A. Smith (on June 28th), and former-hockey writer/current-Knicks writer Marc Berman of the New York Post (early morning of July 8th). Say what you will about Screamin' A., but that man did not hedge against his sources and was willing to go down with the ship. Second, LeBron, if "loyalty" and "unfinished business" were two of the main factors you considered in making this decision, you should have clarified that you were being loyal to yourself, and that you personally had unfinished business, otherwise you would still be a Cleveland Cavalier. As this whole process has shown, LeBron is a lot more self-centered than we all once thought. But he made that perfectly clear when he talked about not having to share the spotlight with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, but rather each player having their own spotlight. And here I always thought basketball was a team game.
One last note, if you happen to be in the Chief's presence anytime soon, I strongly recommend not mentioning the words "Ilya Kolvachuk". Kolvachuk and Kings' GM Dean Lombardi are still dancing the free agency dance. The Kings have been in and out of the negotiations more times than the guy that took the head cheerleader to prom (HEY-OH!). I think the Chief has aged about five years in the past week. But if you have about three hours to spare, want to see some post-4th of July fireworks, and are in the presence of the Chief, go ahead and mention it. We double dog dare you.
Is it too early to call this the "Headline of the Century"?
Okay, since I took too long with the intro, we are skipping any witty banter (Ilya Kolvachuk), and moving right into (Ilya Kolvachuk) a set of clips sure to make your Friday afternoon (Ilya Kolvachuk . . . man, if you could only see the Chief's face right now) that much more enjoyable.
I guarantee one of these girls could have sealed the deal with Ilya Kolvachuk by now . . . or was the head cheerleader on prom night (HEY-OH!).
With Jimmy Kimmel in re-runs this week, I decided to go with one of my all-time favorite "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship" clips: the Sesame Streetedition.
This video has been declared "the best own goal" in soccer history. I can not say I disagree.
Yes, this video may make you feel uncomfortable. Yes, it is totally worth it.
It is well documented that the Chief is a big fan of the 4th of July. His parties are, well, legen . . . wait for it . . . dary, and, if his invitation to this year's festivities is any indication (it's hard not to get excited for party when the invitation starts "Setting aside the fact the Declaration of Independence wasn't officially signed until August 2, 1776, that ID4 was released to some theaters on July 2 (wait, what?), and Zach Morris voted for Kelly Kapowski over Stacy Corroci at the Miss Malibu Sands pageant, that special time of year is right around the corner." . . . but I digress), we are in for another great one. After all, America deserves to celebrate its 234th birthday in style.
That being said, their are whispers floating around the office that the Chief is not as ready for the party as he usually is, that he is distracted. To those whispering I say, "Well, duh". Everyone knows the lone wild card in the Chief's 4th of July party planning is that July 1st marks the start of the free agency signing period in the NHL. Usually, the start of free agency serves as only a minor distraction to the Chief, just a blip on the radar. But not this year. Everyone knows the biggest name on free agent market is Ilya Kolvachuk, a player who is a legitimate threat to score every time he steps on the ice. He is the type of player the Kings have not had since Ziggy Palffy was in his prime, and the type of player they avoided trying to invest to heavily in during the rebuilding process (which, the Chief readily admits was both frustrating and the right decision). Well, the rebuilding process is over, the Kings are one of the up-and-coming franchises in the league, and for the past week the news has all been about how the Kings are the front runner in the Kolvachuk sweepstakes. Do you know what that kind of hype does to a die-hard Kings fan?
But rest assured, dear readers, approve them his did. Of course, that was immediately followed by a string of expletives when Kevin Allan of the USA Today posted "Kings apparently were bridesmaid on Hamhuis and Paul Martin on Day 1. They wanted one of the big name D Men." on his twitter page. Seriously people, we are at DEFCON 2 here; I am worried we may see a grown man cry by the end of the day and we can not say for sure whether they will be tears of joy or tears of sadness. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and ask, "Is this really my life?" Do not answer that. Rather, just enjoy these things you might have missed from the past week:
Marisa Miller attended the Eclipse premiere for God knows what reason, but at least she looked good doing it . . . and managed to give some oogling teenager his first . . . er . . . "man moment".
There is a porn star participating in the 2010 World Series of Poker. Insert poke-her pun here.
It should not be hard to spot the reason this Q&A with Erin Pageviews is getting posted. Here is a hint, it is not because of the pictures.
Rumor has it we finished a close second in the voting. At least we lost out to one of the best around.
Only in Canada do parents attempt to profit from their inability to pass along athletic genes to their children.
"No, youstay classy, anonymous Phish fan who took cell phone pics of a bottomless teenager." [Editor's Note: (1) the girl is of-age, and (b) there is a story associated with the link.]
MLB has found a way to legalize gambling on baseball while also screwing over its fans. Bravo to you, Bud Selig.
Early candidate for "Best Name of 2012 College Recruiting Class" has committed to Tulane; hopes to be drafted by Green Bay.
"But I feel very comfortable with it and it also helps my physical performance." [Editor's Note: that's what she said!]
What? No Kobayashi? What has Major League Eating come to? [Editor's note: nice picture choice Wall Street Journal.]
We usually head to lunch not long after the Link Dump goes live, and normally the Chief is very opinionated about where we go. Well, you can throw that out the window today: "I don't care where we go, as long as it has ESPN News on." This from the guy who has been driving the anti-ESPN bandwagon for past two years. NHL free agency, it is fantastic. Speaking of fantastic, here are some clips for your viewing enjoyment:
It would not be Friday without some vigorous thrusting. [Editor's note: that's what she said (sometimes it's just too easy)!]
Might as well get our other weekly tradition out of the way now. Here is your weekly dose of mocking of FCC.
From the YouTube description: "A cinematic study on the social phenomenon that is 'Man Smacks.' The application of 'Man Smacks,' in simple English, allows two men to embrace each other affectionately while preserving their desire to be perceived as heterosexual."
This will come as a surprise to exactly no one: we are nerds. Thus, we are posting the trailer for the last Harry Potter movie(s). That is all.
"There are no grenades in Miami." Oh, Jersey Shore, welcome back.
I will never drive a minivan. Oh, it is a Swagger Wagon? Nevermind then.
Happy Birthday America! Please be safe. Have a great weekend everyone!
