Get Your Weekend Started on the Right Foot...

If you are like me, you are staring at the clock on your computer and you are convinced that it is not moving. While, GameTime, TBD© has just what you need to get through those last few hours of the work day. It was a busy week out there, so enjoy:

• I'm not a slut, I'm just very warm.
• Stop the press; serial killers are sick in the head?
• Don't you fear, Cardinal fans, Tim Rattay is here.
• The Detroit Lions: surprise team of 2007 or the newest church in town?
• We're taking the phrase "geek squad" to a whole new level.
• Don't look now, but the Peacock is making a comeback. Better jump on the bandwagon now before it's too late.
• 4 years, $25 million per . . . no, it's not A-Rod's new contract.
• Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt.

And finally, a double feature for your Friday:

• I'm sure you've seen this within the last month, but it's by far the best commercial out there right now (according to My Better Half).
• If this is a "breach of UEFA's principles of loyalty, integrity and sportsmanship," shouldn't the entire league be suspended for two games?

Have a great weekend everyone!

That's How We Roll in the City of Angels

My computer had barely finished logging on, and my morning coffee had not even made its way into my blood stream, when the following message popped up from my good friend Agman: "so as things wound down on Sat[urday], everyone wanted to leave and I was like, 'let's stay to see if they commit a seventh turnover.' And they did . . . on the next play."

As with most dedicated Los Angeles (and Detroit) area sports fans, I have become uniquely comfortable with disappointment. Agman, as I am sure you all recognized, was referring to formerly-winless-Notre Dame's 20-6 victory over UCLA. Later that night, the Kings would blow a two-goal lead against the St. Louis Blues, losing 5-3. My weekend was not complete, however, until the Lions got blown-out by the Washington Redskins on Sunday, 34-3 (don't even get me started on the Dodgers. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but the Dodgers were supposed to be the best team in the National League this year and ended up finishing 7 games out of the Wild Card). Now, as you already know, I was in North Carolina for my Cousin's wedding so I had a great weekend. But had I been home this weekend, (1) I would have been at the UCLA game to watch the disappointment live, (b) would have rushed over to Staples Center to watch the Kings home opener, and (iii) would have forced my Brother-in-Law to tune one of his TVs to the Lions-Redskins game on Sunday morning. That sounds about as fun as getting a bad sunburn on your back and being forced to ride roller coasters the next day (this happened to me when I was about 12 years old . . . trust me when I say it was not a good time).

I should have seen this typical Los Angeles sports weekend coming from a mile away. First, I was on the East Coast, which meant college football did not start until noon on Saturday and the NFL did not start until 1:00 pm on Sunday (sometimes I forget how lucky we are on the West Coast: beautiful weather year round, an abundance of attractive women, and sports that are on when you roll out of bed on the weekends. No wonder there's an East Coast bias in sports, it's because everyone is so jealous of us left-coasters. They're so jealous that we get to watch more sports than them in a given day, so jealous that they're bitter and bias all sports rankings against us. They might as well call it East Coast Bitterness...but I digress). Second, Lindsey Lohan was released from rehab. Look, I wish Lilo all the best, but let's face the facts: I have her back in rehab by January, 2008 in my office pool and I still think I am going to lose to the receptionist who has her going back in late October, 2007. Lastly, USC lost to Stanford.

Now, do not get me wrong I was ecstatic that USC lost, especially because it was to the worst team in the Pac-10. My Brother-in-Law was following the USC game on his Blackberry while I was following the UCLA game on mine. During our breaks from tearing up the dance floor (you want a guaranteed good time at your wedding? Invite BAP and his family . . . we rock it like few families can), my Brother-in-Law and I would huddle around our table, hitting refresh as quickly as possible. When John David Booty was intercepted by Bo (that's right . . . BO) McNally with 13 seconds left, sealing Stanford's victory, my Brother-in-Law and I danced around in a circle like a high school girl who just got asked to prom by the varsity quarterback. But, as is the norm with Los Angeles sports, our joy was short-lived. A few refreshes on my blackberry later and it became apparent that Notre Dame was sealing Karl Dorrell's fate. It is hard to believe that the coach who led UCLA to ten wins two seasons ago, and a shocking 13-9 win over USC last season, is likely gone after this season. I am not a KD-hater like many Bruin fans out there, but it is hard to argue that he seemed woefully unprepared for the possibility that Ben Olson might get injured and not be able to finish the game. Perhaps he should have gotten McLeod Bethel-Thompson a few more snaps with the first-string offense during the week. Perhaps KD should pull the play sheet out of his pants and realize he has twice as many plays at his disposal. I hope KD is around for a few more seasons; I think he is a good coach who is moving this program back in the right direction. But one more embarrassing loss this season and I fear KD's job will be taking a long walk off a short pier.

Moving on to my Lions, I can not be too upset about their loss. After all, they have already matched their win total from last season. They have a bye this coming weekend which means they will be entering the seventh week of play above .500 for the first time since 2004. Mike Martz has put together enough offensive weapons that the Lions can outscore anyone they wish, but they are still having trouble protecting Jon Kitna. Greg Foster, brought in from Denver to anchor the right side of the line, can not remember the snap count by the time he leaves the huddle (he had 7 false starts heading into the Redskins game). Rod Marinelli has gotten the defense back into shape and playing relatively well. The secondary is still a concern and any decent passing offense will make a shootout of the game. But I can not be disappointed with what has transpired thus far this season. Besides, as a sports fan from the Los Angeles area, I am used to this by now.

Then there are my Kings. This is the team that gets me every time. By this point in time, you are all intimately aware of my unnatural man crush on former Kings coach Andy Murray. Since being hired by the St. Louis Blues in mid-December of last season, AM is 4-0 against his former team. I still, to this day, believe that the Kings took a major step back when they fired AM. Do not get me wrong, I think Marc Crawford is a good coach and will help to take this team to the next level, but he is no AM. I believe that AM was the scapegoat for an incompetent front office and owner. AM got his players to give their best at all times; he kept teams that were mediocre at best in playoff contention long after they should have been eliminated. If you gave AM a roster as deep as this year's team is and with as much young talent, the rebuilding process would have never been necessary. Dean Lombardi and Andy Murray, together, would be the Scott Pioli and Bill Belichick of the National Hockey League (minus the video cameras of course). And there is no way AM's team would have let a 3-1 third period lead turn into a 5-3 loss.

But am I surprised? Nope. It is just another day in the life of a sports fan here in the City of Angeles.

In Case You Missed It...

I am currently in North Carolina for my cousin's wedding, so I do not think I will get to a full post this week. As promised, however, here is the first ever GameTime, TBD© link dump. There is a lot of good stuff out there that you might have missed, so enjoy:

• If you thought NBC's American Gladiators revival couldn't get any better, you were wrong.
• Don't believe everything they tell you about playoff baseball.
• Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Let's get it on.
• Are the Dolphins really THAT good?
• Once upon a time, there was an island in the Red Sea.
• America shows its love for its government.
• In case you missed it, the Knicks hired Isiah and all they got was a $11.6 million judgement.

And last, but not least...

• Andy Samberg should write every SNL skit.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Don't Reign on My Parade . . . Take II

Well, it is September 28th again, which means only one thing: we are mere hours away from the first puck being dropped in the 2007-2008 NHL season. Hours you say? That is correct. For the first time in NHL history, the season is starting in September. My Kings are being forced to open the season a week early because their owner (who's name will never be mentioned on this site until he actually acts like an owner . . . no free publicity for you until you actually attend a game) decided to ship them off to London, England to play a "home-and-home" serious at the new O2 arena he just built. [Bitter Irony Update: the start of the first game was delayed about 30 minutes because the arena lights wouldn't come back on after the national anthems. That would have never happened at Staples Center.]

To make matters worse, what team did he choose to play the Kings? Wait for it . . . wait for it . . . you guessed it, the Anaheim Ducks. I am sure Mr. "I Am a Terrible Owner" made a couple of million dollars (which is really necessary when you're a multi-billionaire) by convincing the two teams to play in England, but did he really have to pick the Ducks as the other team? Are you trying to intentionally anger your fans so that when you announce you are moving the team to Kansas City they will not care? Believe you me, it was not easy to read about the Ducks bring home the Stanley Cup in their fourteenth season (ain't no way I was gonna watch that). It is not like the Kings have been around for forty-one seasons, have one of the most loyal fan bases in all of hockey and are stuck with an owner who in practically rubs it in their face or anything like that. You using the whole fist there Doc?

But I do not want to get ahead of myself this early on. Sure last season was disappointing and all, but it is a whole new ball game now. [I was originally going to describe last season as a train wreck but two things happened: (1) I realized that there were a lot of positives to be taken from last season, and (2) Webster's Dictionary actually defines train wreck as, and I quote "VH1's Rock of Love with Bret Michaels." Seriously. Just imagine the goodness you get when you mix a washed-up rock star (who has had a shocking amount of plastic surgery I might add) with a group of women comprised of wannabe groupies, professional "dancers" (read: strippers) and girls who likely have outstanding restraining orders against them. Mix in some booze, and more than likely a few STDs, and you have the definition of train wreck. Yet, for some reason, there I'll be this Sunday night watching the finale.]

At first glance, you might be wondering what positives I can take from a season in which the Kings finished 28th out of 30 teams by going 27-41-14 (hey, isn't that my high school locker combo?). I will be the first to admit that a record like that does not add up to a pretty season. Yet, when you dig deeper, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. The Kings were young, very young, and they relied on their youth to be leaders. Anze Kopitar is the real deal, a superstar in the making. He was the third leading scorer amongst NHL rookies, the third leading scorer on the Kings, and he played hard every night. NHL experts always say that a player does not truly come into his own until his third year in the league. That means we have two more seasons to discover just what Anze Kopitar can do.

While Anze may be a legitimate superstar in the making, he is not the only young player who made an impact last season. Michael Cammalleri, Patrick O'Sullivan, Dustin Brown, Alexander Frolov and Jack Johnson are all 25 years old or younger and all played a roll in last years development (O'Sullivan and Johnson have also been touted as superstars in the making). The Kings played in, and lost, a lot of close games last year. It is hard to expect a young team to be able to close out games; you have to learn to play a full sixty minutes. Yet very few teams had an easy time handling this team. While the goaltending, as always, was clearly an issue, the Kings did manage to finish a respectable 10th in the league on the power play, something you would not expect from a young team. At this time last year, all I was asking for was a team that played hard night-in and night-out. The 2006-2007 Kings did not disappoint.

You are probably wondering where that leaves us for this year. For starters, DL made a splash in the free agent a market the likes of which Kings fans have not seen, well, ever. Instead of being a wallflower at his first middle school dance, DL walked right up to the hottest girl in the room and asked her to dance. But he did not just dance with one girl; oh no, he danced with every girl there. When all was said and done, DL had signed five solid free agents this offseason, adding two top-six forwards in Michal Handzus and Ladislav Nagy, two mobile defensemen in Brad Stuart and Tom Preissing, and a forward who is not afraid to park himself right in front of the opposing goaltender at all times in Kyle Calder. Want a cherry on top of the sundae? Here is one in the form of 19-year-old goaltender Jonathan Bernier, the Kings' first-round pick in the 2006 NHL draft. Bernier had an unbelievable pre-season and earned himself a spot on the opening day roster. The Kings have 10 games to decide whether they should keep him with the big club or send him back to the minors. But if he plays well and becomes the goaltender of the future that the Kings hope he will, look out. [Update: Bernier started the first game of the season and led the Kings to a 4-1 victory over the Ducks.]

So here we are. The puck drops in less than twelve hours and I am more excited about my Kings than I have been in a long time. It is time for the Kings to take that next step; time for them to play even harder, night-in and night-out; time for them to beat the teams they should every time and surprise some of the other teams every now and then. Show me that, and I will go home happy every night. Show me that, and this season will be a success. Show me that, and the Kings will make it back to the playoffs. Show me that, and maybe DL's three-year plan becomes a two-year plan. Show me that, and maybe, just maybe . . .

Man, I have got to lay off the Kool-Aid.

We're Back, and Better Than Ever!

As my good friend Samir Na . . . Na . . . Not Gonna Work Here Anymore once sang: “Back up in your 'gluteus maximus' with the Resurrection.” Okay, that might not be exactly what he sang, but you get the point. GameTime, TBD© is back and, with the help of my overly-computer-savvy friend Jimbo, is better than ever. Today we celebrate the one year anniversary of the blog that has single-handedly changed the landscape of life as we know it. I know Al Gore wants you to believe that global warming is behind all of these changes, but that is because he cannot come to terms with overwhelming power of my words and the enjoyment they bring to those that read them.

But I am not just resurrecting GameTime, TBD© with a new look. No; my avid readers (and those who stumble across this haven of wisdom) deserve more. With the new look comes a new game plan. I will be introducing new features to go along with the new look. In addition to my usual posts about life and sports, you will have the opportunity to enjoy the insights and comments of My Better Half who, more often than not, has a few responses she would like to share about things I say (I know, I know…it’s shocking to think that someone has the nerve to disagree with BAP…the things I have to put up with on a daily basis). Also, every Friday I will be posting a link dump--a list of links to content on the world wide web--providing you access to information that you may not have seen during the week and that I believe is news worthy (like, for example, this article that confirms what we feared most: men like boobs). It will be a nice way to kill those last few hours . . . er . . . minutes at the office when no one is doing any actual work.

All this should help prevent the late-season burnout I suffered during my first year as a “blogger.” Let’s face it, when the hockey season came to a bitter end I was lost, floating aimlessly in a boat without a paddle. I have apologized to my readers on several occasions in the past, and now I plan to show them just how committed I am to making their lives better. I will never leave you stranded without my witty commentary again (to my credit, no one could have predicted Britney’s total melt down or Lindsey’s trip back to rehab…ah, who am I kidding, we saw this coming from a mile away). I have learned from my mistakes and am better because of it. So I ask you to join me in the celebrating the one year anniversary of GameTime, TBD© and its magnificent resurrection.

Checking In...

Okay, so it has been a little over a month. Believe it or not, my avid readers are still re-reading my pearls of wisdom. I appreciate that.

I am going dark for the next month or so to prepare an all new GameTime, TBD©. With the help of a friend, I am creating a whole new look for year two. I am also working on a new game plan so that I have things to share with you all once hockey season has come to an end and we are staring down the barrel of four months of nothing but baseball. I promise you, year two of GameTime, TBD©...better known as GameTime, TBD© Version 2.0....will not disappoint.

But, I do not want to leave my readers hanging with nothing new. Last night at about 8:00 p.m., this piece of news came across my entertainment radar. Seriously, it is the best news I have gotten since My Better Half and I got engaged in April. I do not want to hog all the credit, but we all know the power that GameTime, TBD© wields around here.

You can all thank me later.

Number 8 in the Rankings; Number 1 in Your Hearts

I hope you all do not mind, but I would like to take a break from my usual ramblings of sports, pop culture, and history to talk about something a little more serious and a lot more important.

If you have had the opportunity to peruse this blog, you know that the link on the right entitled "What Makes Her Great" takes you to the web page for a great non-profit organization, Artists for a New South Africa ("ANSA"). My incredibly amazing Better Half works for this organization, who's purpose is to help children in South Africa who have been orphaned by and/or are infected with HIV/AIDS.

I am also sure that many of you out there have seen the American Express Members Project commercial. It features Shaun White, Alicia Keys, Martin Scorsese, Sheryl Crow, Andre Agassi and Ellen DeGeneres, who talks about her bathing suit bursting into flames every time she goes swimming (if you haven't seen it, go here). The long and short of it is that American Express is looking to help fund a worthy program created and run by one of its cardholders.

Over 7,000 projects were originally submitted by cardholders, including ANSA. Cardholders had an opportunity to vote on which project they felt was the most deserving of the money, and American Express recently narrowed it down to the Top 50 projects. ANSA's project made it into the Top 50 (and was actually ranked as high as #2 at one point, currently #8). American Express cardholders now have the opportunity to vote again for the project they think is most deserving. On July 15, 2007, the projects will again be narrowed down to the Top 25 and voting will start anew.

ANSA's project is entitled "Help Children Orphaned by Aids;" it is project number 6841.

There are 1.2 million AIDS orphans in South Africa, more than any other nation. This vast crisis cannot be solved by traditional solutions. This groundbreaking, collaborative project empowers communities to care for orphans in their midst and prevents more AIDS deaths through education and treatment access. It meets urgent needs of orphans including food, clothing, medicine, and counseling, while developing sustainable solutions for each orphan family, through legal and social services, scholarships, growing food gardens, water projects, respite care, and much more.

This program was originally developed by Americans working with leading African AIDS and child welfare experts and is implemented by local organizations and community members. The pilot program has operated successfully for 3 years in 3 communities, served over 5,000 orphans, and built permanent capacity within each community to care for their orphaned children. You now, American Express cardholders and non-cardholders, have the opportunity to help bring this proven program to other children and communities in desperate need.

If you are an American Express cardholder, I urge you to visit the Members Project website, register, and vote for this deserving project. If you are not a cardholder, you may not be able to vote, but you can still help. I urge you to spread the word about this amazing project to your friends and family so that they can vote if they are a cardholder and so that they too can spread the word.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I truly appreciate.

A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Panama

Here it is, my twenty-fifth post on GameTime, TBD©! (trumpets, trumpets, trumpets....fanfare, fanfare, fanfare...applause, applause, applause...fireworks...you're all too kind.) It is truly a milestone. I would like to thank all of my dedicated readers who have been here from the beginning and who have continued to support this site. I would also like to thank those readers who jumped on the GameTime bandwagon mid-stream, liked what they read, and have continued to support my efforts (including a harassing email or two when they think I'm slacking off).

Most, if not all, members of the GameTime, TBD© "fan club" (just trying out a new name for my four or five most dedicated readers) have commented on the diminished number of posts over the past few months, and the random topics those few posts have covered. They are right. I definitely have not brought my "A" game to this site over the last couple of months, and for that I apologize. The truth of the matter is, I was unprepared. The end of the Los Angeles Kings season hit me like a ton of bricks, and I did not know where to go. If Rome was not built in a day, how could I possibly think I could create a blog without more planning? I should have looked to some of the great men of the past and present, followed their successes and failures, and worked out a thorough plan for GameTime, TBD©.

Take, for example, George Washington Goethals, the United States's Chief Engineer for construction of the Panama Canal. Under his guidance, the United States was able to build, perhaps, the most important man-made water route in the world (and also the only place you can see the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean and set over the Atlantic). It took Goethals and his men seven years to build the canal, and that is after France had been trying to build an all-sea level canal for the previous twenty-seven years (not to beat a dead horse here, but is it really any surprise the French hate us so much? I mean seriously, they screw something up, we come in, fix it, and take all the credit. It's starting to get a little old, don't you think? Nah...). Here is the kicker, France's idea was not even original; Charles V, of Holy Roman Emperor fame, had recommended the building of a canal across the isthmus of Panama as early as 1534. It took Goethals, however, to realize that the key to the Canal was a system of locks and man-made lakes to complete the 48-mile route that makes up the Panama Canal. Plus, we ended up with the one of the most famous palindromes in the world: A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Panama. Pure genius (seriously, if the French had built the canal, there's no way we end up with that).

But, some plans are not always successful. Just look at my main-man Zach Morris. Try as he might, he could not get his friend Jessie into Stansbury University (everyone dreams of going to Stansbury...the west coast's most prestigious university...the, that's right, THE Harvard of the West). He even went so far as to set up an interview with someone pretending to be a Stansbury counselor. How that recommendation alone was not enough to get Jessie in I will never know. It turns out, however, that Stansbury was not interested in someone who could only manage a 1205 on their SATs. Poor Jessie was "forced" to attend Columbia University instead while Zach, with his blistering 1502, found himself headed for Ya-cough-hale and those hot ivy league ladies (call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure the SATs are scored in intervals of ten...1205? 1502? They must have just misread their scores). If only Zach had made a few more calls on his ridiculously large cell phone; that would have done the trick for sure.

And while some plans do not always work out as we hoped, some people are prepared for such a result and have contingency plans standing by. You may have noticed that I remained surprisingly quiet after the NHL draft and the first twenty-four hours of the free agency period. While anarchy had descended on most of the Los Angeles Kings message boards, I kept my mouth shut and waited. I wanted to let Dean Lombardi make his moves before I declared this offseason a failure, and DL did not disappoint.

One of my favorite things about DL is that he does not hide the ball. Back in the day, Dave Taylor and Tim Leiweke used to make vague statements about their plans for the Kings as they walked the AEG party line. DL, on the other hand, has run this team like an open book. When he took over as general manager prior to the 2006-2007, he stated that he had a plan that would take three years to develop the Kings into a Stanley Cup contender. He stated he was going to build the team around a core group of young talent, a few quality veterans, and several character guys. It worked in San Jose, and now DL is trying to make in Los Angeles.

Entering NHL draft weekend, DL had stated that the Kings were hoping to trade down, but would take the best available talent at whatever number they picked. So, when the Kings drafted defenseman Thomas Hickey with the forth pick, many Kings fans began calling for DL's head (hell, if it was still being practiced here in America, I bet many of them would have called for DL to be hanged, drawn, and quartered...what a pleasant way to go). When asked why the Kings would pick a player at number four that had been ranked between 14th and 40th on several draft boards, DL did not dodge the question as Taylor or Leiweke would have done in the past. He admitted that the Kings had attempted, but failed, to trade down out of the four spot. That being said, Hickey had been at the top of the Kings's draft list for the past several months; he was, in the opinion of DL and the Kings's scout staff, the best available talent on the board. DL had done exactly what he said he would, even though it was not necessarily the popular pick. [Speaking of drafts, I'll be the first to admit that I hate the NBA and, therefore, wanted nothing to do with the NBA draft. However, I was just as interested as everyone else in seeing who went number one overall. And so I watched, fully intending to only watch the first few picks. But then I caught a glimpse of my favorite retard's draft day look and I had to see where he ended up. I would like to congratulate the Chicago Bulls on the drafting of Joakim Noah...if I were in charge of marketing for the Bulls, I would do everything in my power to keep a microphone or camera away from that man. It's good to know that even though he has left college basketball, he'll still be providing me with plenty of entertainment...but I digress]

DL did not, however, have time to worry about what fans and the Los Angeles press were saying about the draft, he had to prepare for the free agency period. July 1st came, and July 1st went; all the marque free agents were signed, none by the Kings; Kings fans were now out for blood, DL had seamlessly shifted to Plan B. DL had made it perfectly clear that he was going after several of the big name free agents in hopes of landing one of them. Early on July 1st, however, DL realized he would not be able to match the offers being made by many of the Eastern Conference teams (and for good reason, the Eastern Conference teams were offering the GDPs of small countries to the players for a term of years that would last well past the player's prime...not worth it in my book). So, while most Kings fans were calling DL and this offseason a bust, DL had shifted plans and was working on making the biggest splash in the free agent market that the Kings have made in recent memory. The Kings announced the signing of four solid free agents (Michael Handzus, Tom Preissing, Ladislav Nagy, and Kyle Calder) on July 2nd and topped it off with the signing of Brad Stuart on July 3rd.

It is safe to say that DL's 3-year plan is progressing nicely. When you mix the new additions with the returning talent, and assuming the Kings can get some decent goaltending (a BIG assumption), the Kings may find themselves returning to the playoffs for the first time in five seasons. But let's not get ahead of ourselves; there are still two more seasons left in DL's rebuilding plan. With the top rated prospect pool, twelve picks in the 2008 NHL draft, and at least $17 million in salary cap space available next offseason, the future looks bright for the Los Angeles Kings.

As for GameTime, TBD©, its future looks bright as well. With its one year anniversary right around the corner (has it really been almost a year already?), I am working on a new plan...a better plan...a plan that does not, unfortunately, include a palindrome. Sorry.

Well, At Least We Won the Revolutionary War...

Things here at GameTime, TBD© have hit a bit of a lull. It should come as no surprise to you that it corresponds to the sports world hitting a lull. Here we are, the middle of June, and all I have is baseball. Sure, I love the Dodgers; I hope they win the World Series. The thing is, I do not love 162 games worth of the Dodgers. That is the problem with baseball, it just drags on for far too long, gets overshadowed by the return of college football, the NFL, and the NHL, and has World Series games get snowed out.

Some of you might try to point out the NBA Finals are still going on. Really? As the ratings show, everyone already believes San Antonio has won the title. Like the great majority of Americans, I do not care about the NBA anymore. I was actually fairly upset with Kobe Bryant when he demanded a trade, not because he wanted out of Los Angeles, but because it is all the local Los Angeles sports talk radio stations would cover. Ugh.

Then, of course, I had to deal with Anaheim Ducks winning the Stanley Cup last week. Seriously, what did I do to deserve this? The Ducks spotted the Los Angeles Kings 30 years and a name change, yet they have already been to the Stanley Cup Finals (2) more times then the Kings (1), have won more Stanley Cup Final games (7) then the Kings (1), and have won more Stanley Cups (1) then the Kings (0) (my own family had the nerve to talk to me about how happy they were for the Ducks...seriously Dad, it's not funny...bad form...I'm sending my therapy bills home to you). Thankfully, the NHL draft is right around the corner (June 22-23) and the free agency period starts on July 1st. I can not wait to see who the Kings are able to pick up this offseason (coincidentally, I'll be in Vegas the weekend of the NHL draft...if you need to find me, I'll be in a sports book placing prop bets on who is taken number 1 overall and who the Kings take first...yes, I have a problem).

All hope, however, is not lost because, according to NBC, America's Got Talent! Now, I know in the past I have ripped on reality television and other similar shows, but I have a special bond with this one. It premiered last summer and I found that it was a good way to take my mind of the California Bar Exam. So, once a week I would take the night off, pop some popcorn, and watch America's Got Talent. And here is the thing with this show, it turns out that America is actually pretty darn talented (don't get me wrong, calling some of the "talents" weird is putting it nicely...but I was generally impressed with the things people could do). Plus, David Hasselhoff is one of the judges. So mix some weird talents with (Don't Hassle) The Hoff and you have got yourself and pretty entertaining show.

Which is why I was more than willing to tune into the show's premiere last Tuesday night. The show is run very similar to American Idol in that the first few shows are preliminary rounds in various cities around the United States. Last Tuesday, they were in Dallas. The show has changed a little this year; Sharon Osbourne replaced Brandy as one of the judges, and Jerry Springer has replaced the always-lovable Regis Philbin as host. I am not sold on Springer as a host, but Osbourne makes a great judge (is odd that I feel like if Ozzy Osbourne was to appear as a contestant on this show he wouldn't advance to the next round?). I was generally impressed (I figured "surprised" might alienate all of my Dallas readers) with the talent people in Dallas displayed and am looking forward to tonight's instalment.

But here is the thing, it turns out that Britain's Got Talent as well. Simon Cowell (everybody's favorite American Idol judge) created the show and runs it in both countries. He also serves as judge in the British version, which airs nightly on ITV1. The American version, on the other hand, only airs weekly. Is it possible that Great Britain (BAP's birthplace...don't worry, I'm an American citizen by birth...I was a pleasant surprise to my parents while Dad was working there for a few years) has so much more talent then America that they have to run more episodes?

So here we are, another epic showdown between America and Great Britain. I took a few moments to peruse the Internet this morning (read: searched You Tube), and, as it turns out, Great Britain is pretty darn talented. I watched several clips this morning that thoroughly impressed me, and here are two of my favorites:

1) First up, we have 6-year-old Conny (that's right, SIX). She may be missing all of her front teeth, but she's got some pretty impressive pipes:



B) Second, there is Paul (missing your front teeth is the new black in Britain this year). By day, Paul is a computer technician; by night, a unknowing opera star (sorry guys, I was a singer in high school and college, so I'm biased):



Pretty impressive if you ask me. I mean, sure Amanda Holden (middle judge) cries on cue...errr....I mean...is moved to tears frequently, but at least she is easy on the eyes. I am also impressed that Piers Morgan (the judge who is not Simon Cowell or an attractive female) can be in both America and Britain at the same time to judge both shows. Better yet, the winner of Britain's Got Talent gets to perform for Her Majesty, the Queen of England. That is quite a prize (especially when you throw in 100,000 British pounds just for the hell of it). In the end, I must admit, I was impressed with many more of the acts I saw on Britain's Got Talent then on last week's America's Got Talent.

But according to Mr. Ballard—my 11th grade AP U.S. History teacher and a pretty trustworthy guy—America won the Revolutionary War…so take that Great Britain!

If It's Almost a Sport, We've Got It Here!

My more astute readers will recognize the title of this post from a movie; other readers will simply assume that this post will, as many of my posts do, cover a topic somewhat related to sports. In this case, all of you are correct (everyone's a winner).

"If it's almost a sport, we've got it here" was, of course, the slogan for ESPN8, "The Ocho," in Dodgeball. Now, you are probably as surprised as I am that ESPN has not yet expanded all the way out to ESPN8. I mean, ESPN2 has been around since October of 1993 (ah, do you remember the good ol' days of "The Deuce?" All the shows had to have a "2" in them: Baseball2Nite, NHL2Nite...memories). They added ESPNews in 1996 and purchased Classic Sports Network in 1997, rebranding it to ESPN Classic. Throw in ESPN Deportes, which launched in 2004, and ESPNU, which launched in 2005, and ESPN is closer than they think. That is six channels right there. Come on George Bodenheimer, is it that hard to come up with gimmicks for two more stations? Once you get to eight, there is a slogan ripe for the picking.

Now, you may be wondering why I am so anxious for ESPN to expand out to its eighth channel, especially since it already has a dominating grip over the entire sports industry. Well my friends, that is because I know the perfect show to be the center piece of "The Ocho"'s programing. It is not actually a sport, but it is close (you might say it's "almost a sport"...funny how that works). It is a show that already aired on television, from 1989-1996, with surprising success. It is a show that I used to watch on Saturday mornings whenever I could sneak away long enough from my Mom. No, I am not talking about the WWE (better known as the WWF during the 1990s, you know, before they were sued by the World Wildlife Fund in 2000). I am talking about this:



That is right ladies and gentlemen, I am calling for the return of American Gladiators! What you have just witnessed (assuming you actually watched the video) was, perhaps, one of the greatest television moments of the early 1990s. Just listen to how excited announcers Mike Adamle and Dan Clark and the crowd get. And that, my friends, is only a small part of the greatness that is American Gladiators. How can forget such competitions as Atlasphere, Powerball, Breakthrough and Conquer, Assault, Human Cannonball, Hang Tough, Gauntlet, The Maze, and, of course The Eliminator? And what about the classic Gladiators like Nitro, Blaze, Laser, Gemini, Lace, Diamond, Ice, and Turbo? (If you ask me, the producers should have kept Malibu around for more than one season...look at that hair.)

Now, I am not just talking about re-airing the originals (hell, ESPN already does that seven nights a week on ESPN Classic...why haven't I set the Tivo for this yet?). What I am saying is that ESPN should bring it back, brand new. They should film new episodes and let their marketing machine make it the next big reality show. Bring back as many of the original Gladiators as possible (assuming the steroids haven't killed them off already); bring in any new Gladiators as needed; keep all of the games, but updated as necessary for the twenty-first century; and let the good times roll (I believe it is also important that Mike Adamle return as the main host, but that he be reunited with his first season co-host...Joe Theismann...I mean, last time I checked Theismann had a little extra time on his hands). It cannot be that hard. As it turns out, "Gladiator Arena" is still standing and in working order on the CBS Studios lot, open for tours daily (wait a sec, "Gladiator Arena" is open for tours daily? How did I miss this? It's unbelievable).

If I knew the first thing about starting a petition, I would start one immediately. Instead, I will wait for someone else to start one while I enjoy my re-runs on ESPN Classic. But rest assured, when someone out there finally starts a petition to bring back American Gladiators, I will be the first person to sign it (with my friend Money Bags a close second).

In the meantime, I recommend Mr. Bodenheimer gets cracking on ESPN7 because "The Ocho" express is ready to pull into the station.

[Update: Since I mentioned the golden locks of Malibu above, I thought I'd add one more video...this one focused on Malibu and his surfer persona. Enjoy!]