A Break from the Norm

I know two posts in one week sets a dangerous precedent, but I am willing to take that chance. But this is a different type of post than others found on GameTime, TBD©. You will not find any wisecracks about celebrity antics, references to teen dramas from the early 90's, or diatribes about the state of my favorite sport franchises. This is just a brief glimpse into the softer side of BAP.

I spent a couple paragraphs in my last post taking jabs at several professional athletes who I believe could stand to act more, for lack of a better word, professional. However, this morning I got a chance to read this article about Chicago Bear's Pro Bowl cornerback Nathan Vasher and his relationship with his mother. Please take the time to read it. It is definitely the type of piece that you would expect to see Jimmy Roberts presenting during NBC's coverage of the Olympics or Sunday morning at Augusta National; but it is a story that can make you believe that the loose cannon professional athlete is the exception, not the norm.

It also reminded me of a blog I published during my amateur days on Myspace, before I opened GameTime, TBD© for business. It was a blog about spending time with my Dad at a Los Angeles Dodgers' game; something small that meant a lot. Because my Dad probably only knows about Myspace from the news, he has never seen the blog; but he is also an avid reader of GameTime, TBD©. I decided to take this opportunity to repost that blog here so he could actually read it.

Thursday, August 31, 2006 - Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjacks

On Monday night I went to the Dodger game with my dad...just [Dad] and I. It was the first time I had the opportunity to hang out with just my dad since I don't know when. Sure, I've had time with just my dad recently, but we were always doing some type of work or chore. This was different. It was great.

I got to thinking about how baseball games used to be. When I was younger going to the game was a big family outing. I tried to keep score but would inevitably get bored by the third inning. Mom was busy trying to limit the amount of sugar I consumed so that I would be able to sleep that night. My dad and I would talk fundamentals of baseball because I was playing baseball and we would generally leave early so I wasn't up too late.

Monday night, it was Louisiana Hot Sausage and beer, multiple beers. We talked politics, my upcoming job, baseball in general, Kings hockey, my new car, and the general tidbits of how life was going. We laughed, we cheered, and we enjoyed every moment of it.

I used to get upset with how hard my dad worked and how much he traveled. But as I look back, I am more thankful then ever. Because my dad worked so hard and traveled so much, he has been able to provide for his family in ways we would have never imagined. And, more importantly, I realize now that he worked so hard because he loves his family so much. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't travel to places we travel, see the sporting events we get to see, and be so close of family as we are.

My dad is getting ready to leave his current job, a job he has worked at for 10 years, and for which he has probably aged about 20. He's not ready for full retirement yet, but he's ready for a few months off before deciding what to do next. I may not know what my dad is planning to do next, but I do know this, there will be more opportunities for my dad and I to hang out, just the two of
us. It's going to be great, and I'm looking forward to it.

I am ready for my close up, Mr. Roberts.

The State of the Union (Undressed)

The following is an exact transcript of BAP's State of the Union (Undressed), as aired on....well, as it would have appeared if aired on anything:

Family, friends, avid readers, fellow bloggers, pop-culture gurus, random visitors, and internet users of the world:

Your love of my illustrious genius brings us together at a defining hour -- when stupidity is common and some good old-fashioned tough love is needed. We enter the year 2007 with many celebrity meltdowns underway, and others that are sure to begin. In all of this, much is asked of BAP. I must have the will to face deteriorating sports franchises and outrageous cultural icons -- and the wisdom to make my adoring fans laugh about them while learning along the way. (Pause for applause.)

Some on this site are new to GameTime, TBD© -- and I congratulate you for seeing the light. (Pause for applause.) BAP has changed, but not my responsibilities. I am guided by my own convictions -- and to these I must stay somewhat devoted. Yet I'm not held to any real standard, and called to serve only my purposes: To extend my readers' knowledge of worthless pop culture information; to spend my parent's money unwisely; to solve the meaning of life, not leave it for future generations to discover; to guard GameTime, TBD© readers against all evil general managers; and to keep faith that they will continue to provide me with material to keep those readers entertained. (Pause for applause.)

It's not the first time I've come here with a team in turmoil and celebrity private parts in open air. Like none before me, I can make sense out of the senseless, and achieve big things for the GameTime, TBD© readers. My readers don't much care which point of view I present -- as long as I'm willing to be funny when there is work to be done. (Pause for applause.) My job is to make life better for my avid readers, and to help them to build a future of knowledge and happiness -- and this is the business before us tonight.

First, we must find Terrell Owens a brain. (Pause for applause.) We can do so without affecting any other person on this planet. (Pause for applause.) Apparently, Mr. Owens believes that Bill "the Big Tuna" Parcells held the Cowboys' offense back this season. However, when the Big Tuna took over the team three seasons ago, the Cowboys' offense was fifth worse in the league. This past season the Cowboys' offense ranked fourth best in league. I would say that Mr. Owens' league-leading eighteen dropped passes did not contribute to the success of the offense. In the coming weeks, I will search the country for a suitable brain for Terrell Owens. (Pause for applause.) I ask you to make the same commitment. Together, we can find a brain that will provide Terrell Owens with common sense, and we can make the NFL a better league. (Pause for applause.)

Next, there is the matter of crime and punishment. It has become apparent that professional athletes have entered the realm of TV land -- a land where one's mistakes are forgiven with few, if any, consequences. (Pause for Laughter). In the past nine months, the same amount of time it takes a woman to carry a pregnancy to term, nine Cincinnati Bengals have been arrested a total of thirteen times. However, only one of these players was suspended by the NFL, and it was only for two games. Then there is Terry "Tank" Johnson, who plays for the Super Bowl bound Chicago Bears. Johnson gets to play in the Super Bowl after he was arrested for unlawful possession of six unregistered firearms and after he attend a party with a friend who was subsequently shot to death. It was Johnson's third arrest in the last eighteen months and the police have been called to his home more than thirty times during that period of time. Yet Johnson, who is without 550 rounds of ammunition seized from his home, gets to travel and play in the Super Bowl. It is like Donna Martin getting to graduate after she got hammered at the prom. (Pause for laughter.) All this is happening, however, while a twenty-year-old boy serves the third year of a mandatory ten year sentence after being arrested under an archaic Georgia law. Genarlow Wilson should be in the middle of his junior year at an Ivy League college playing Division I football. Though I do not condone the actions of Mr. Wilson, the potential of a stand out football player and honor roll student should not be wasted away in a state prison while others are allowed to live their everyday life without appreciating the true consequences of their actions. The time has come to end this practice. So let us work together to demand more from professional athletes and league officials, force people to live with the consequences of their actions, and not let someone get a free pass just because they make someone else a lot of money. (Pause for applause.)

Spreading opportunity and hope to my avid readers requires public figures that can serve as roll models to provide my readers with the knowledge and character they need in life. (Pause for applause.) Two such people come to mind: Eldrick "Tiger" Woods and Roger Federer. These two individuals have dominated their respective sports over the past half decade like no one else; Tiger just won his seventh straight PGA Tour event and Federer his tenth career tennis Grand Slam title without even dropping a set. Yet they have also done so with grace, humility, and a respect for the past legends of their sport that paved the way for their successes. Sportswriters must stop trying to determine which one of these two close friends are better; you cannot compare dominance in golf to dominance in tennis. We must sit back, relax, and simply enjoy what these two men are doing. It's truly a once in lifetime opportunity. (Pause for applause.)

A future of hope and opportunity also requires that my avid readers have great and influential music for their listening enjoyment. (Pause for applause.) When it comes to great music, certain artists have an obligation to change the face of music for future generations of musicians, they must run with the devil, and they might as well jump. And Van Halen will meet those responsibilities. Van Halen will rock you live once again, reuniting with most-likely-bankrupt-front man David Lee Roth for a 40 date amphitheatre tour. (Pause for standing ovation.) We must strive to ensure that every show is sold out; without Van Halen there would have been no 80's hair band. (Pause for awkward silence.)

It's in my vital interest that the Detroit Lions diversify their drafting approach -- the way forward is not through another wide receiver. The Lions' front office must start changing the way they do business, which can be done by drafting smarter, signing better free agents, and giving their players time to adapt to Mike Martz's "Fun N' Gun" offense. (Pause for applause.) The Lions should press on with Jon Kitna as their start for now, and expand the talent around him on both sides of the ball. (Pause for applause.) They must begin to invest in a new offensive line to protect Kitna -- (pause for applause) -- by drafting, for starters, offensive tackle Joe Thomas from the University of Wisconsin with the number two overall pick in the 2007 NFL draft.

In the fifth month since I started GameTime, TBD©, I wish I could report to you that things are going well for the Los Angeles Kings. They are not. And so it remains the duty of this man to use every tool possible to keep my readers positive about this team. The Kings will not make the playoffs this season. Though they will not be the worst team in the league, they will have a good shot a getting the number one overall pick in this years draft. Because general manager Dean Lombardi is likely to trade several older veteran players with heavier contracts to contenders, the remainder of the year will serve as an opportunity for many of our young prospects to gain valuable NHL level playing experience. (Pause for applause.) Plus, the trades Mr. Lombardi makes will free up salary cap room so that he can pursue marquee free agents in the off season. Mark my words, the 2007-2008 Los Angeles Kings will be bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, and better than Kings teams of the past decade; the 2007-2008 Los Angeles Kings will be Stanley Cup contenders. (Pause for standing ovation.)

Barbaro was a young colt bred and raised in West Grove, Pennsylvania, when he won the 2006 Kentucky Derby by a staggering six-and-a-half lengths, the largest margin of victory since Triple Crown winner Assault in 1946. In May 2006, he was a heavy favorite to win the Preakness Stakes. Shortly after the start of the race, Barbaro fractured three bones in his right hind leg. For a horse, this is a life threatening injury. He was rushed to New Bolton Veterinary Center at the University of Pennsylvania, where he underwent emergency surgery to rebuild the broken leg. In the wake of his Preakness injury, Barbaro became the object of care and affection from the public in a way few animals, if any, have before him. He received thousands of get well cards and the New Bolton Center received a large anonymous donation, of $1.2 million to be exact, and established the "Barbaro Fund," to aid the treatment and care of large animals. Unfortunately, after 254 days of battling various horse-related issues stemming from the injury, Barbaro's pain became to great to live with and he was euthanized at the request of his owners. For his exceptional courage, and like no other animal before him, Barbaro has earned the respect and appreciation of GameTime, TBD©. (Pause for awkward applause as audience realizes BAP is praising a horse.)

In such courage and compassion, my dear readers, we see the spirit and character of GameTime, TBD© -- and these qualities are not in short supply. This is a decent and honorable weblog -- and somewhat random too. We've been through a lot together in five months. We've met the real world in a head-on collision, explored the inner workings of a culture obsessed with celebrities and fame, and we know that more fun lies ahead. Yet we can go forward with confidence -- because the state of my union is strong, my cause is right, and today that cause goes on. (Applause.)

See you next post. Thank you for your support. God bless you, and God bless GameTime, TBD©! (Standing ovation.)

Frankly, Chris Foster, I don't give a damn.

A belated "Happy New Year" to all of my loyal readers. I am sorry that it has been a month since we last spoke. I hope the start of 2007 has been as good for you as it has for me. Not much has happened since my last post. I won my firm's Fantasy Football League and all I got was this crummy t-shirt (Okay, so the stakes are a little higher when you have an FFL in a law firm. Besides spending the cash on my new toy, I have a trophy sitting on my desk and two plaques are being engraved as I type this because I won both the Super Bowl and Total Points. A heartfelt thank you goes out to LaDainian Tomlinson, who's love and support [and 33 total TD's in a touchdown only league] helped me capture the season title; and to My Better Half who sat by my side for 17 weekends in front of the TV and computer when there were probably 1,000,000 things she would rather be doing [again, are you still wondering why I call her My Better Half?].) Outside of that, I got to spend a lot of time with my family over the holidays and the real world continues to push me around.

As always, I have taken it upon myself to establish a few New Year's Resolutions; nothing ground-breaking, just the usual attempts to make my life better for this year and beyond: (1) get back into shape (same as every year but I know 2007's going to be different. I've already been to gym 10 times...not bad considering the new year is only 15 days old); (b) get my golf game back to college form (this might be more difficult than getting back into shape...yep, my game's gotten that bad); and (iii) make My Better Half laugh at least once a day (I figure if I can make her laugh once a day it means things with us are great cause you don't laugh when you're mad...shouldn't be too hard though, she's a sucker for my lame jokes).

Whenever I prepare my New Year's Resolutions, I also take the opportunity to re-evaluate my pet peeves and see if there is a way to make them better. I figure that if I can cut down on these, my life will be generally less stressful which, in turn, means happier. I think it is funny that we spend so much time getting upset about little things; but I guess that is human nature. Take, for example, my newest pet peeve: talking on your cell phone in an elevator. I work in a building that has twenty-one floors and a separate elevator for the seven floors of the parking garage. That means between getting to work, going to lunch, and leaving I am in an elevator a minimum of six times per day. I am amazed with the number of people I encounter who absolutely must talk on the cell phone during the two minute ride to the lobby. I do not want to hear about whom you like and do not like in your office; I do not care about how drunk and crazy you got the night before; and I most certainly do not care about what the other person has to say about it, which I can hear because we are in a confined space that echos. Yet, I am only in the elevator for maybe a minute or two, should it really bother me this much?

I also have a thing about people hitting the snooze button in the morning. My Better Half is guilty of this and, according to Sis, so is my Brother-in-Law. I have never understood why people do not just set the alarm for fifteen minutes later and enjoy uninterrupted sleep. My Better Half informed me that not everyone can just jump out of bed like I do in the morning; some people need a little extra time to get the engine running. I am beginning to think that her reasoning is justified. She has promised to not do it so much and I, in turn, am starting to think that this is one pet peeve that I can learn to live with.

Another thing that drives me up the wall is when people tell me I cannot accomplish or succeed at something. Now, do not get me wrong, I know I cannot do everything, but I am a fairly determined guy and I know that if really put my mind to it there are not many things out there that I cannot accomplish. I encountered this over the holidays. Out at dinner one night with the entire family (read: My Better Half, parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, etc.), I casually remarked that I was considering trying to find a way to raise enough money to play in this year's World Series of Poker. To my dismay, my parents, the two people who have supported me in every endeavor throughout my entire life, told me that it was a silly idea and that there was no way I could do it. Excuse me? It was like I had just been served by my parents. Well, I have got news for them, I am serving them back and it is officially on! I am calling on the support of my loyal readers to help me raise money (that and the thousands of people at Commerce Casino whom have no idea what they're doing. Seriously, sometimes I just feel like it would be easier if they handed me the cash before the game even started. With the worldwide web at my disposal, I will find a way to raise the money without having to play online poker. I am open to sponsorships, fundraising opportunities, and straight donations. Feel free to leave comments with ideas. I am listening...but I digress).

Last, but certainly not least, I cannot stand it when professional athletes feel that a game is not important and, therefore, does not require their best effort. Take Rex Grossman for example. He admited that he was not all there during his week 17 game against Green Bay because "[he] felt like [he] was going to play about a half, and it was the last game, it was New Year's Eve. . .." I do not care if you think you are only going to play a half; your team deserves your best, at all times, even if only for a half. They do not deserve a half in which you go 2-for-13 for 33 yards and 3 interceptions. How could you honestly look your coaches and teammates in the eye? (My Lions, on the otherhand, took it to the Cowboys in the final week when they had nothing but months of golf to look forward to and the Cowboys were still fighting for a division title. It was beautiful.)

Well, the Kings did not have the best first half of a season. I told you from the beginning it was going to be tough, but I did not imagine this. Both of their goaltenders are on injured reserve, one being out for the rest of the season. The younger players are leading the team, no, are carrying the team on their backs. Anze (again, it's pronounced Ahn-Jay; get it right) Kopitar skates hard every night; he is constantly skating and plays hard in both the offensive and defensive zone. Alexander Frolov is having the type of season that all Kings fans have been waiting for, showing that he will be a superstar in the NHL. But the two can only do so much. They lack support from almost everyone else.

The new year and second half of the season, however, have started with promise. The Kings have gone 2-2-1, with an impressive win over the Detroit Red Wings. Yet when the Kings beat the Columbus Blue Jackets to start the second half of the season, the Los Angeles Times sportswriter (if you can call him that) who covers the Kings, Chris Foster, wrote an article entitled "Kings Lose a Bit Despite Winning." The quick and dirty summary: because the Kings had a poor first half of the season, they should mail it in the rest of the way to finish last and have the highest probability of securing the number one pick in next years draft lottery. Mr. Foster probably is not a big hockey fan; he probably cried himself to sleep when he was assigned to cover the Kings. Why would a team mail it in for an entire half of the season when they are only eleven points out of a playoff spot with forty-one games left to play? Especially when they would not even be guaranteed the number one pick?

It is like I said a few months ago, this Kings team plays hard. Night-in and night-out they give it their all. The breaks might not always go their way, but they are not going to give any opponent a free two points either. I think it is time for Mr. Foster to consider a career change, or he should at least get out of this city. The Kings might be a few years away from winning the Stanley Cup, and they probably will not make the playoffs this year, but they will not stop playing until all eighty-two games have come to an end. And that, my dear readers, is something to be proud of.

(Oh yeah....just in case you're wondering how my second favorite team is doing....since they hired AM about a month ago the St. Louis Blues have gone 9-3-3 in fifteen games, including two wins over the Kings. AM, your 2006-2007 NHL Coach of the Year.)