Behind Enemy Lines

Yesterday I ventured to a place I rarely go, a place that haunts me in my nightmares: the University of Southern California (or, as girls from my high school used to call it, "that place Daddy went"). I have been to the USC campus three times since December of 2005: (1) USC's 66-19 drubbing of UCLA to end the 2005 football season; (b) Sis's graduation from the Marshall School of Business (don't even get me started; if she hadn't met her husband--more commonly known to GameTime, TBD© readers as my Brother-in-Law--while attending Marshall, I probably wouldn't be speaking to her anymore...okay, that's not entirely true, but you get the picture); and (iii) UCLA's 65-64 come-from-behind victory over USC at the Galen Center, capped off by Arron Afflalo's 15-footer with four seconds left while getting fouled by Nick Young.

You might be wondering, then, how I ended up on the USC campus on a Monday late morning/early afternoon when no sporting events were taking place at that time. I wish I could tell you that I was there checking out the disproportionate number of attractive young women that attend USC, the girls that will invariably be dressed as a "Sexy (interest profession/fairy tale character/superhero/etc. here)" come Halloween. Attractive women, however, were not the reason for my quest into the seventh circle of hell. [Speaking of attractive young women (other than My Better Half), my office is located right around the corner from the Fashinon Institute of Design and Merchandising, "FiDM" for short. In fact, my office overlooks the campus from about a block away. Many of the students at FiDM are attractive young women and you see them walking to and from classes during lunch, proudly displaying their FiDM shoulder bags. Well, I was in Ralph's picking up a sandwich for lunch today and there was a FiDM student walking around with an arm full of sugar-free Rockstar energy drinks and a bottle of water, and she was taking a few bites of samples available around the store. This is the problem with shows like The Hills; they make young women think that diet energy drinks and a few sample size bites of food constitutes a "healthy" diet. And these girls wonder why they get wasted after only two drinks?...but I digress].

Every Monday, the USC Athletic Department hosts an event entitled "Monday Morning Quarterback." It is a lunch followed by a meeting with Pete Carroll. Pete gives a little speech about his feelings on the last game, breaks down some game film, and then takes questions from the crowd. Those in attendance are mostly older alums who have probably donated tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars to the program. Several of the senior partners in my firm attend this event on a weekly basis and when they can not make it, they invite other attorneys to go in their place. I have been invited to attend on several occasions in the past but, as you can imagine, have had no desire to sit in the Galen Center for two hours and listen to a Pete Carroll love fest.

Well, I was invited to go yesterday and I could not say no. This was my chance to go after a USC loss. Not just any loss mind you, but a loss that all but guaranteed that USC will be playing in, at best, the Holiday Bowl and possibly the Las Vegas Bowl. This is a school that has grown accustom to playing in the Rose Bowl or the BCS Championship game; they are used to playing their bowl game after the new year begins, not before it. I just had to see how the alumni responded to that. Although I had to sit through about twenty minutes of USC marching band (I nearly slit my wrists with my car key...seriously...that damn song is worse than a Chinese torture chamber), it turned out to be everything I hoped for.

There was no standing ovation for Pete when he entered the arena; I was informed that that was a first. Although I had watched the game live, when Pete went over some of the game film it became abundantly clear that USC was not necessarily beat by a better team but, rather, were not prepared to play the type of game Oregon plays. When it came time for the question and answer portion, Pete was forced to deal with questions like "Is the offense becoming too predictable?", "Why did you go for it on 4th and 1?", "Why is the team struggling against the worst teams in the league?", and, my personal favorite, "Why are you getting out coached?" Pete, for the most part, gave cookie-cutter answers: dealing with too many injuries, thought they could make it on 4th and 1, the Pac-10 is competitive league top to bottom, blah, blah, blah. But those in attendance were clearly not satisfied with the answers and, had the MC not called an end to the event, would probably still be asking questions. I have never seen a man exit a building faster than Pete Carroll left the Galen Center.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed watching him face the firing squad, I should admit that I have a new level of respect for Pete Carroll (though, it's admittedly low since my prior respect was non-existent). USC fans have become spoiled with their school's recent football success. They forget what it was like during the latter years of John Robinson's tenure. So, I am not surprised that a few alumni have their granny panties in a bunch over two losses. I do not think they even remember that the last time USC lost two games was just last year. Yet Pete stood there and took it all square in the chest. I am jealous that USC fans get to attend an event like this and I wish UCLA did something similar. I would be there every week if they did. But I know that, even if UCLA did have an event like this, Karl Dorrell would not have come out after that loss to Washington State and answered those questions. Ironically enough, I am pretty sure he would have had to answer the same questions I just mentioned.

It is fun, however, watching USC fans struggle to come to terms with reality. Pete Carroll is not the great coach everyone thought he was. Pete had put together a great staff that made him look like a genius. But with most of the staff having moved on to bigger and better things, the true state of the USC program is becoming clear. And I have got to tell you, I like what I see.

So Bruin fans, I invite you to tune in and watch Karl Dorrell coach his last game as the UCLA head coach this coming Saturday at noon. As for you Trojan fans out there, you can tune in and watch Pete Carroll coach his last game as the USC head coach on Saturday, December 22nd when the Trojans take on the mighty Cougars of BYU in the 16th annual Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl.

Sometimes Life Gets In the Way...

I am sorry that I was not able to get to a full post this week. Between all of the Southern California fires and crazy drama at the office, I was not able to put together a full piece. I appreciate all of you that called/e-mailed to inquire about the various family establishments and I am happy to say that they are all a safe distance from the fires. I do, however, have several friends and family of friends who have been affected by this disaster. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

But enough with the sadness, it is Friday. Here is what you all missed this week:

• Well, I guess Harry Potter will never be required reading in the South.
• As my Better Half would say, this story is ten kinds of awesome.
• If that last story was 10 kinds of awesome, this one is 50 kinds of awesome. Why? Cause I hate the Florida Gators.
• Remember when that judge sued a dry-cleaning business for $54 million? That money sure would come in handy now.
• Believe you me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
• Who would have thought a drought, of all things, would have been the end of Jack Daniels?
• They must have been fake.
• This would, of course, require that schools figure out how to hire more attractive teachers.

And for your Friday viewing pleasure:

• My favorite musical? My favorite actor? How can you go wrong? Short answer: you can't!
• I wanted to write something witty here, but there's NOT ENOUGH TIME!

Have a great weekend everyone!

For Your Afternoon Reading Enjoyment . . .

I was going to lead with a link to a great article about various ESPN college football analysts who are sandbagging the polls by voting for only big name programs because they do not want schools like South Florida making the BCS Championship game. But then South Florida went and lost to Rutgers last night, so it killed that one. But never fear, my dear readers, there are plenty of other things you need to know about. On this wonderful Friday afternoon, I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy:

• A GameTime, TBD© shout out to Nosh's blog. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
• This is a big blow to all those Romosexuals out there.
• Wouldn't "Time(out)less" have been more appropriate?
• So, it turns out my friend Money Bags and China share a common enemy: fat chicks.
• Victoria's Secret + The Spice Girls = not exactly what I was hoping for.
• Why get yourself a mail-order bride when you can build one yourself?
• Remind me never to go swimming about 70 miles southwest of Destin, Florida.
• How would you like your money? Um, singles please.

Remember, it is important to have a cause that you believe in and are willing to fight for. When you find your cause, don't forget to write a song about it. For example:

• Free Earl
• Don't Walk

Have a great weekend everyone!

Need a Lift?

One advantage to being a Los Angeles Kings and Detroit Lions fan is that no one ever accuses me of being a bandwagon fan. It is possible that someone could try and accuse me of being a bandwagon UCLA fan, what with their recent basketball success and all. But if you have read this blog over the past year, you know that my allegiances run deep. Outside of people who actually went to UCLA, I think there are few people who love UCLA as much as I do. I pride myself on being a loyal fan, in good times and bad.

I say this because I have always been annoyed by bandwagon fans, especially the USC bandwagon fans. Part of the problem with USC bandwagon fans is that they are mostly former Los Angeles Raiders fans. We all know how bad Raiders fans are, so it should come as no surprise that they are not any better as USC fans. Go to a Trojans game at the Los Angeles Coliseum and you will see that most of the cars have Raiders decals on them. I can guarantee that those cars did not make the trip to the Coliseum during the John Robinson era. During the last few years of Robinson's tenure as head coach, and even during Pete Carroll's first season, USC had trouble filling the Coliseum to half its capacity. Now, two national championships later, the Coliseum is packed for every home game and I am left to deal with the traffic as I drive to the Rose Bowl to watch my Bruins.

But the lug nuts on the USC bandwagon are starting to come undone. With three straight weeks of unimpressive play, including an embarrassing lose to the lowly Stanford Cardinal, USC is starring a four, hopefully five, loss season square in the eyes. Now, I know USC has been hit with the injury bug this season, but I do not buy that as an excuse. This is a program that has had a top-five recruiting class each of the last five years, including the number one ranked class from 2004 to 2006 (it's true . . . see for yourself). That means USC's second and third string players would be starters at most other college programs. This team is deep; they have competitions at practice every Tuesday for players to earn their playing time for the upcoming week. I do not buy the injury excuse.

The Trojans have looked sad all year. They looked unimpressive in their week-one victory over Idaho and struggled to beat Washington and Arizona, two of the bottom teams in the Pac-10. There "marquee" win this season is over Nebraska, a team that, at 4-3 and coming off a pounding at the hands of Oklahoma State, is not as good as everyone originally thought. USC still has to travel to Eugene, to Berkeley, and to Tempe to play three of the top programs in the nation (Cal, Oregon, and Arizona State respectively). Plus, you never know what will happen when UCLA "comes to town" in December. Trojan fans just need to face the truth: USC has not been the same since offensive coordinator Norm Chow left in 2005. It was Chow, not Carroll, who was the mastermind of that unstoppable offense. And, if USC goes 6-4 or 5-5 (gotta love the Las Vegas Bowl), there is a very real possibility that Pete Carroll will say yes to one of those NFL offers that come his way every year.

So, what are all of those Trojan bandwagon fans going to do if . . . no . . . when the wheels fall off? Well, since I am a the bearer of bad news, I thought it is only appropriate that GameTime, TBD© help find those poor, lost souls a new bandwagon to jump on.

While perusing Rolling Stone's 2007 "Hot List," I discovered that table tennis (better known as ping pong) is making a comeback in the United States. [I enjoy a good game of table tennis, so this might not be a bad thing. In fact, just the other day I was playing some ping pong with my good friend Forrest and he said, "You know BAP, when I was in China on the All-American Ping Pong team, I just loved playing ping-pong with my Flex-o-lite ping pong paddle." He had an extra one on him and he gave it to me. Let me tell you that he was right, that paddle is amazing . . . but I digress] USA Table Tennis (or "USATT" for short) is hoping that the world's most effective marketing tool, sex, will help sell their sport. USATT is hoping that Serbian-born Chicago resident Biba Golic will help the sport gain some notoriety in the upcoming year. Ms. Golic certainly is easy on the eyes, and I know that is something most Raider/Trojan fans enjoy. What could be better for the sport of table tennis then having a bunch of drunk, overweight men with "I love Biba" painted across their chests showing up at every tournament? Although it seems like a match made in heaven to me, I am guessing that most of the bandwagoners would be looking for another football team to get behind, not table tennis.

Well, thankfully for them, we at GameTime, TBC© know just the team. By traveling only a few miles northeast of Los Angeles, they will be able to find best college football team in all of Southern California, the Occidental Tigers. Now, in the interest of full and fair disclosure, I am an Occidental alum . . . but the facts do not lie. The Tigers have won thirty-one straight regular season games, twenty-four straight conference games, and nineteen straight home games. They have been coached by Dale Widolff for the past 25 years, and his 151-87-3 career record ranks as one of the best career winning percentages in Division III history. They have won the Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference ("SCIAC") title three years in-a-row, and four out of the last six years. The Tigers have made three straight Division III playoff appearances and Occidental is the only SCIAC school to register a playoff victory. The Tigers are 5-0 this year, 3-0 in league, and are ranked #17 in Division III (they were ranked as high as #6 in 2005). If they can get past Cal Lutheran on October 27th, they will likely run the table again and find themselves back in the playoffs.

If I were you, I would jump on that Tiger bandwagon now, before it gets too crowded. What's that you say? You don't know how to get to Eagle Rock? Don't worry, I do. Need a lift?

Get Your Weekend Started on the Right Foot...

If you are like me, you are staring at the clock on your computer and you are convinced that it is not moving. While, GameTime, TBD© has just what you need to get through those last few hours of the work day. It was a busy week out there, so enjoy:

• I'm not a slut, I'm just very warm.
• Stop the press; serial killers are sick in the head?
• Don't you fear, Cardinal fans, Tim Rattay is here.
• The Detroit Lions: surprise team of 2007 or the newest church in town?
• We're taking the phrase "geek squad" to a whole new level.
• Don't look now, but the Peacock is making a comeback. Better jump on the bandwagon now before it's too late.
• 4 years, $25 million per . . . no, it's not A-Rod's new contract.
• Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt.

And finally, a double feature for your Friday:

• I'm sure you've seen this within the last month, but it's by far the best commercial out there right now (according to My Better Half).
• If this is a "breach of UEFA's principles of loyalty, integrity and sportsmanship," shouldn't the entire league be suspended for two games?

Have a great weekend everyone!

That's How We Roll in the City of Angels

My computer had barely finished logging on, and my morning coffee had not even made its way into my blood stream, when the following message popped up from my good friend Agman: "so as things wound down on Sat[urday], everyone wanted to leave and I was like, 'let's stay to see if they commit a seventh turnover.' And they did . . . on the next play."

As with most dedicated Los Angeles (and Detroit) area sports fans, I have become uniquely comfortable with disappointment. Agman, as I am sure you all recognized, was referring to formerly-winless-Notre Dame's 20-6 victory over UCLA. Later that night, the Kings would blow a two-goal lead against the St. Louis Blues, losing 5-3. My weekend was not complete, however, until the Lions got blown-out by the Washington Redskins on Sunday, 34-3 (don't even get me started on the Dodgers. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but the Dodgers were supposed to be the best team in the National League this year and ended up finishing 7 games out of the Wild Card). Now, as you already know, I was in North Carolina for my Cousin's wedding so I had a great weekend. But had I been home this weekend, (1) I would have been at the UCLA game to watch the disappointment live, (b) would have rushed over to Staples Center to watch the Kings home opener, and (iii) would have forced my Brother-in-Law to tune one of his TVs to the Lions-Redskins game on Sunday morning. That sounds about as fun as getting a bad sunburn on your back and being forced to ride roller coasters the next day (this happened to me when I was about 12 years old . . . trust me when I say it was not a good time).

I should have seen this typical Los Angeles sports weekend coming from a mile away. First, I was on the East Coast, which meant college football did not start until noon on Saturday and the NFL did not start until 1:00 pm on Sunday (sometimes I forget how lucky we are on the West Coast: beautiful weather year round, an abundance of attractive women, and sports that are on when you roll out of bed on the weekends. No wonder there's an East Coast bias in sports, it's because everyone is so jealous of us left-coasters. They're so jealous that we get to watch more sports than them in a given day, so jealous that they're bitter and bias all sports rankings against us. They might as well call it East Coast Bitterness...but I digress). Second, Lindsey Lohan was released from rehab. Look, I wish Lilo all the best, but let's face the facts: I have her back in rehab by January, 2008 in my office pool and I still think I am going to lose to the receptionist who has her going back in late October, 2007. Lastly, USC lost to Stanford.

Now, do not get me wrong I was ecstatic that USC lost, especially because it was to the worst team in the Pac-10. My Brother-in-Law was following the USC game on his Blackberry while I was following the UCLA game on mine. During our breaks from tearing up the dance floor (you want a guaranteed good time at your wedding? Invite BAP and his family . . . we rock it like few families can), my Brother-in-Law and I would huddle around our table, hitting refresh as quickly as possible. When John David Booty was intercepted by Bo (that's right . . . BO) McNally with 13 seconds left, sealing Stanford's victory, my Brother-in-Law and I danced around in a circle like a high school girl who just got asked to prom by the varsity quarterback. But, as is the norm with Los Angeles sports, our joy was short-lived. A few refreshes on my blackberry later and it became apparent that Notre Dame was sealing Karl Dorrell's fate. It is hard to believe that the coach who led UCLA to ten wins two seasons ago, and a shocking 13-9 win over USC last season, is likely gone after this season. I am not a KD-hater like many Bruin fans out there, but it is hard to argue that he seemed woefully unprepared for the possibility that Ben Olson might get injured and not be able to finish the game. Perhaps he should have gotten McLeod Bethel-Thompson a few more snaps with the first-string offense during the week. Perhaps KD should pull the play sheet out of his pants and realize he has twice as many plays at his disposal. I hope KD is around for a few more seasons; I think he is a good coach who is moving this program back in the right direction. But one more embarrassing loss this season and I fear KD's job will be taking a long walk off a short pier.

Moving on to my Lions, I can not be too upset about their loss. After all, they have already matched their win total from last season. They have a bye this coming weekend which means they will be entering the seventh week of play above .500 for the first time since 2004. Mike Martz has put together enough offensive weapons that the Lions can outscore anyone they wish, but they are still having trouble protecting Jon Kitna. Greg Foster, brought in from Denver to anchor the right side of the line, can not remember the snap count by the time he leaves the huddle (he had 7 false starts heading into the Redskins game). Rod Marinelli has gotten the defense back into shape and playing relatively well. The secondary is still a concern and any decent passing offense will make a shootout of the game. But I can not be disappointed with what has transpired thus far this season. Besides, as a sports fan from the Los Angeles area, I am used to this by now.

Then there are my Kings. This is the team that gets me every time. By this point in time, you are all intimately aware of my unnatural man crush on former Kings coach Andy Murray. Since being hired by the St. Louis Blues in mid-December of last season, AM is 4-0 against his former team. I still, to this day, believe that the Kings took a major step back when they fired AM. Do not get me wrong, I think Marc Crawford is a good coach and will help to take this team to the next level, but he is no AM. I believe that AM was the scapegoat for an incompetent front office and owner. AM got his players to give their best at all times; he kept teams that were mediocre at best in playoff contention long after they should have been eliminated. If you gave AM a roster as deep as this year's team is and with as much young talent, the rebuilding process would have never been necessary. Dean Lombardi and Andy Murray, together, would be the Scott Pioli and Bill Belichick of the National Hockey League (minus the video cameras of course). And there is no way AM's team would have let a 3-1 third period lead turn into a 5-3 loss.

But am I surprised? Nope. It is just another day in the life of a sports fan here in the City of Angeles.

In Case You Missed It...

I am currently in North Carolina for my cousin's wedding, so I do not think I will get to a full post this week. As promised, however, here is the first ever GameTime, TBD© link dump. There is a lot of good stuff out there that you might have missed, so enjoy:

• If you thought NBC's American Gladiators revival couldn't get any better, you were wrong.
• Don't believe everything they tell you about playoff baseball.
• Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Let's get it on.
• Are the Dolphins really THAT good?
• Once upon a time, there was an island in the Red Sea.
• America shows its love for its government.
• In case you missed it, the Knicks hired Isiah and all they got was a $11.6 million judgement.

And last, but not least...

• Andy Samberg should write every SNL skit.

Have a great weekend everyone!