Despite my continued illness, it has been a pretty good week. For starters, my Better Half and I had a great Valentine's Day yesterday, including a ridiculously large bouquet of flowers and nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. Plus, as I know you are all aware, Marisa Miller made the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As the cover model, Miller has become the de facto spokeswoman for the swimsuit issue, making appearances, giving interviews, and showing up just about everywhere you turn (including a three-story billboard in the middle of New York City). While I have to deal with a new building obstructing the view from my office, some schmuck in the Big Apple gets three-stories of Marisa Miller. Sometimes life just is not fair.
In case you are wondering, my Better Half was a little disappointed with year's swimsuit issue. First, she was not impressed with any of the bathing suits; though, she did promise me she would try out the coconut bikini bottoms on our honeymoon (bonus). Then, and I actually agree with her, she was not impressed with any of the models or their photo shoots (though, she did pick her favorite on the grounds she looked "young and innocent" . . . yowzers!). All and all, I did not really think the 2008 swimsuit issue lived up to its predecessors, or my expectations were a little high because there was a lot of Marisa on the cover. Maybe I will have to give it a second run through this weekend to make I am not overlooking anything. But for now, I just have to get to the weekend, and so do you. Here are some things you might have missed to help get you there faster:
- While most people would love finding a copy of the SI Swimsuit Issue on their office floor, this lady would prefer tea . . . TEA! What is the harm in having some NFL cheerleaders in thongs first thing in the morning?
- For all you traveling to Kentucky to catch the Tonya Harding boxing match, looks like your ticket is not worth much anymore.
- Looking to fill out the rest of their roster, Michigan football holds open tryouts for anyone interested in playing. Hey Michigan fans, still feel good about that Rick Rodriguez hiring?
- Apparently the author of this article does not that Rob Blake is known as the "King of Manhattan Beach."
- Having discovered everything there is to discover in the universe, NASA turns to the next best thing . . . swimsuits.
- Reggie Bush is apparently VERY interested in ensuring that this illegal benefits case he is dealing with goes away quietly . . . and in the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car.
- Parents are angry that public school achievement test is in English. In Chicago... you know, the one in Illinois... in the USA.
If you could tell for the articles I was able to find, it has been a pretty slow news week. Most of the world was focused on Clemens' hearing before Congress. Not that exciting. I tell you what is exciting though, these two clips I have for your viewing pleasure (well, at least for the viewing pleasure of my male readers). Since this week has essentially become the week in which we honor Marisa Miller, here is some more Marisa for you:
- What is the best way to train for the swimsuit issue? If you guessed boxing, please collect your prize on the way out.
- If I recall correctly, David Letterman has a bad heart. How did he possibly survive this then?
- As an added bonus (and for my female readers), here is a video of people getting their faces rearranged by a volleyball; and I have got to say, when it comes to comedy, a volleyball to the face is a close second to the nut shot.
Have a great weekend everyone!
When you are sick, which I have been for the last five days (and, therefore, my humor might be a little off), you look for ways to feel better. Having an amazing Better Half usually helps, especially when they are willing to (1) dote on you all day long, (b) go get you copious amounts of medicine, and (iii) turn the other cheek when you make a bonehead remark because your brain has lost its ability to filter things. My Better Half definitely helps me feel better when I am sick (and hopefully I do the same for her . . . though, let's be honest, I likely make things worse and that's why she's the Better Half). But here is the thing, during the week my Better Half cannot be there for me 24/7. After all, she has a job and I have job and our jobs do not involve us working at the same location.
Believe you me, there are few things in this world worse than being stuck in an office, staring at a computer screen, while you hack up your left lung (only because you spent all weekend hacking up your right lung). Dreading the thought of spending an entire day in the office today with nothing to keep me preoccupied (and hacking up whatever body part comes after my lungs), I first had to stop by the doctor's office to get a much needed prescription for legal drugs. While on my way to the good doc's office, I listened to The Dan Patrick Show, as I have done every morning since it returned last October (a post regarding my unnatural man crush on Dan Patrick is forthcoming). When I tuned into the show, Dan happened to be interviewing a woman and, well, I was confused. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Dan interviewing a woman; there are many female athletes, coaches, and reporters worthy of being interviewed. My first thought was that it was the Rutgers University women's basketball coach talking about how her team got hosed last night. But it was not. Oh, no, it was someone much more important than that . . . Marisa Miller (I'll admit, her interview voice is MUCH different than her bedroom voice so I didn't recognize her at first . . . but I digress).
I had asked my Mother to get me a new subscription to Sports Illustrated for Christmas because Mr. Patrick had announced that he would begin writing for them after the Super Bowl. Because it had been a few years since I last had a subscription to SI, I totally forgot about the added yearly bonus of the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue (do I have to forfeit my man card now?). Well, apparently the 2008 Swimsuit Issue "drops" today (holler) and Ms. Miller is the cover girl (which can be seen here . . . yowzers). While I am fairly certain it would be inappropriate for me to peruse SI's swimsuit website while at work, that does not have to stop me from doing a little research about the history of the issue (and its transition into soft-core porn . . . seriously, is that even a swimsuit on the cover? . . . I think David Letterman said it best when he asked Ms. Miller: "How would that suit hold up in choppy surf?" Short answer: not well).
Well, Sports Illustrated first published a Swimsuit Issue in 1964, featuring a bikini-clad Babette March (Babette March? It's almost too good to be true . . . I can't even make this stuff up). The Swimsuit Issue is widely credited as the publication that helped make the bikini (which had been "invented" in 1946 and had yet to catch on) a legitimate piece of apparel. The 2008 issue marks the seventh appearance by Ms. Miller, but only her first cover. Who has the most covers you ask? Why, it is Elle MacPherson. Nicknamed "The Body" (she stands at 6' 0" tall and is rumored to run a 4.7 forty . . . scouts at the NFL combine are drooling over her "talent"), MacPherson has appeared on five covers, spanning twenty years. She is often referred to as the greatest SI swimsuit model of all time. But I would disagree . . . and, surprisingly, so would my Better Half (she's a HUGE Heidi Klum fan).
While the Swimsuit Issue has grown more scandalous over the years (it has even led some to believe, myself included, that the bikini is now comprised of only the lower half of the bathing suit), it continues to garner complaints from customers and conservatives. You will, however, hear no such complaints coming from my home. You see, my Better Half gets home from work before I do and always gets the mail. This means she will have first crack at the Swimsuit Issue. And while you may be thinking that by "first crack" I mean "throw it away," that is not the case; no sir. Rather, I mean she gets the first chance to peruse the issue. By the time I get home, she will be ready to provide me with a comprehensive review of not only the actual swimsuits (cause, you know, guys check out the issue for the swimsuits . . . and read Playboy for the articles), but her "likes" and "dislikes" of each model. You read that right; I will be "forced" to listen to my incredibly beautiful Better Half explain why she thinks one swimsuit model is more attractive than another swimsuit model (Lord, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but please let me know so I can keep doing it). Believe you me (wow, twice in one post), there are few things in this world more sexy than a woman who is so confident in her own beauty that she is willing to discuss other beautiful women [so ladies, what have we learned in the last week? First, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive); and second, having enough confidence in yourself to talk about other attractive women with your significant other is uber sexy . . . write that down . . . you know, I think I really am changing the world here].
So for now, I am stuck here in my office hacking up my liver. As it turns out, it is not a lot of fun. But at least I have something to look forward to while I do it.
Friday is finally here, and it did not come fast enough. Over the course of the last 24 to 48 hours I have started feeling pretty crappy. It is either a really, REALLY bad cold or, more likely, a case of bronchitis. I love me some bronchitis. I think I am due for a 15 round (we're going old-school, none of this wussy 12-round action boxers do now-a-days), knock down, drag out fight with bronchitis. It has been a couple years since our previous match-up, and that is about par for the course. If all goes like usual, I will take a couple heavy blows in the first few rounds (god, bronchitis loves his body blows), but I am all about stamina and will save my haymakers for the later rounds when I am likely to score the knockout.
To top the week off, it has been pretty slow in the news department. I mean, there were the obvious topics (Super Tuesday and the New York Giants), but you know I am not trying to find you the obvious. I am looking for the fun and obscure news articles. Besides, no one is surprised that ESPN is serving as Patriots apologists; after all, they spent the week leading up to the Super Bowl declaring the Patriots the best team ever (oh, and Kirk Herbstreit would like us all to know that Les Miles is the Michigan head coach). So, I have traveled to the ends of the internet and back again and I think I have come up with some good stuff. Enjoy!
- This is not really an article, but rather a link to some pictures of Marisa Miller attending the Sports Illustrated Super Bowl party. When you are feeling sick, a little Marisa Miller never hurts. Also, if you are not reading With Leather, you should. It is a great sports blog. Also, ladies, as noted in the post, matching your shoes to your underwear is awesome (and subtly suggestive).
- Now that I have sufficiently insulted most of my female audience (and I'm sure a phone call from my Better Half is forthcoming), I would like to alienate my South Korean readers, a country whose soccer players take dodging the military draft very seriously.
- Headline: "Ref almost blew whistle on Manning." Article: "never close to whistling the play dead." God bless solid journalism.
- Top-ranked high school running back signs with Colorado, where his uncle is a sophomore . . . just let that sink in for a moment . . . there you go.
- Speaking of Colorado, a Congressional representative is now taking a little heat because he stated the obvious . . . derogatory terms are usually not the best way to go though.
- Remember when Ronald Regan chose "Born in the U.S.A." as his campaign song without talking to The Boss or knowing what the song was about? This is kinda the same.
- Two galaxies are giving the Milky Way a gassy UFIA . . . I hate when our UFIA gets gassy.
- The United States is going to try a minor, for actions he committed when he was 15 year sold, for war crimes in Guantanamo Bay. . . this can only end well for us.
- I am sure you have all already read, heard, or seen this story, but it still amazes me every time I look at it. The picture is crazy.
I realize that I may have gotten a little loose with my humor this week. If I offended anyone, I do sincerely apologize (though it REALLY is awesome). I hope to make it up to you with these two clips for your viewing pleasure:
- I know Super Tuesday has come and gone, but the fellas over at Funny or Die would like you to know just how seriously the porn industry takes politics.
- The guy in this video is the whinny kid from Jurassic Park who says the velociraptor skeleton looks like a giant turkey. Seriously. Now imagine Bill Belichick saying that.
Have a great weekend everyone!
It has been an incredibly long week for the authors . . . well, I guess that would actually just be author . . . of GameTime, TBD©. As yesterday (that would be Thursday I think) changed from morning to afternoon, I discovered that I had already billed fifty hours this week and still had a day and a half to go. My obvious first thought was to say F-U job and take Friday off, but I was busy for a reason and those deadlines were not going anywhere. Plus, My Better Half left yesterday afternoon to go visit her older sister in Virginia for the weekend, so playing hooky today would not have been all that fun . . . ah, who am I kidding, it would have been great. I would be writing this from my couch (couch, c-o-r . . . are you going to the mall today? That's what I was going to ask.), probably still in my boxers and taking a break from playing BioShock for hours upon end.
Let us face the facts, with My Better Half gone for the weekend, that is what my Saturday is going to be like: ten hours of uninterrupted BioShock time while still in my boxers (there's a nice image for everyone . . . ladies, feel free to stop by and check out the sexiness). I would say my Sunday would look much the same, but there is that little thing called the Super Bowl on Sunday afternoon. I guess I will have to settle for only five hours on Sunday then. It is nice when the cat is away, this mouse gets a chance to be the king of the castle for a few hours. But now I am getting ahead of myself; I still have a half of day of work and a post to finish. So, here are some things you might have missed this week:
- If you had the choice of bringing Gisele Bundchen or your hair stylist to the Super Bowl, which one would you choose? A VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL . . . or . . . some "dude" with scissors? That is what I thought.
- Excuse me, but do you know if your neighbor beats his wife? No? Well, he is a member of the KKK, right? Well, I am just trying to make sure he is qualified to be a MLB umpire.
- The New England Patriots have nothing on the Trinity squash team, who have won . . . wait a sec, does that say squash team?
- The fall of the Evil Empire has begun. Keep up the good work.
- Without a liquor license for the big game, why would anyone want to go to Hooters to watch the Super Bowl?
- Starbucks to close 1% of its stores in 2008. Hopefully I will still be able to get coffee from the 99 other Starbucks within walking distance of my home.
- When I read that the school was having problems with her "kinky twist", I was really expecting this article to go in a different direction. Bummer.
- Boyfriend moving in at the same time ex-husband is moving out. What could possibly go wrong?
For your afternoon viewing delight, I have two fun clips for you. Both of them come in at over 5 minutes, so they should keep you entertained for a little longer than normal:
- Fox Sports Net provides us with scientific proof that, yes, watching someone getting hit in the nuts is still damn funny.
- I have got to be honest, if given the opportunity, I would too.
Have a great weekend everyone!
