Spring Break '09, Woooooo!

Fresh off her one-and-done success, my Better Half is taking this show on the road, and by "this show" I mean we are taking a little weekend trip to San Francisco. I guess Spring Break is a little different when it comes to graduate school. Gone are the days of week-long beer binges, fifteen hour gambling sessions, and bikini-clad co-eds . . . okay, that last one can stay. There was nothing quite like the countdown to Spring Break, watching the hours, minutes, and seconds tick down during your last class, then cramming into a car to get to your tropical/warm/non-school-destination of choice, all for one week of debauchery before the end-of-semester grind sets in (I think that is a new hyphen record for one paragraph).

Now, do not get me wrong, I would give anything for a week of fun in the sun with all my college buddies and buddettes; unfortunately, life just keeps getting in the way. But do not think that will stop me from at least letting my Better Half have one great weekend (and at least a little debauchery). Looking at my calendar, it turns out I am supposed to be fighting a little stomach flu tomorrow (is that what's going around?) and I will be "working from home". You see, my firm's "sick day" policy has a loophole bigger than most sections of the tax code. If you bill just .1 hours in a day, you do not have to count it as a sick day. I have already told a client that I will get back to him tomorrow on a question he has . . . from my cell phone. Done. Book it. So off we go to San Francisco, to visit some friends, and have a little traditional Spring Break fun (Alcatraz, here we come!).

But rest assured my dear readers, I am not going to let a little Spring Break fun get in the way of my GameTime, TBD© duties (heehee . . . duties). That is right, this week's Link Dump is coming to you a day early (though, I know most of you won't be checking in until tomorrow anyways, so all will be right in the world). So here are some things you might have missed, less the late-Thursday/early-Friday news cycle:

• They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but this one requires only seven: I should have considered going to Creighton.
• Speaking of pictures, "sporn" is what results from great sports pictures taken at awkward angles. Do not believe me? See for yourself.
• Congress, bored with this economy "problem" and tired of grand standing over AIG, decides to tackle something much more important.
  
• I could have dedicated an entire Link Dump to the various reports surrounding the Detroit Lions and the number one pick. Instead, here is one link that has them all.
  
• There is a reason why NCAA tournament games are never played in South Carolina and, amazingly, it is not because it is South Carolina.
• Funny, I would have thought John Daily passed the scoundrel sniff test.
• With the Los Angeles Clippers dangerously close to winning twenty games this year, Donald Sterling looks to ensure it will not happen again.
  
• "It's 5/3 lbs (1.66) of beef with lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos on an eight-inch sesame seed bun."
  
• And the (off-the-field) hits just keep on coming.
• The curious case of Jose Tabata.
• I think the real enemy here is the television and that ESP witchcraft.
  
• Some days I just feel like kayaking off a one hundred and twenty foot waterfall.

Since the second day of Sweet 16 action does not tip off until 4:07 p.m. (PST), you are all probably going to be jonesing for some sort of visual entertainment to help get you through the afternoon. If a trip to your local "buffet" is out of the question, here are some videos that might be (1) more workplace appropriate and (b) of some entertainment value:

• Since you all like to live vicariously through me, you should watch this video sometime around 12:37 p.m. (rough estimate).
• A bad case of nerves and some jet lag will get you on YouTube every time.
• Joe Namath would be proud.
• Double dose of hockey-related videos: (1) watch out for that milk crate, and (b) Tootoo's face never stood a chance.
• Kournikova + beer pong = Jimmy Fallon

Have a great weekend everyone!

Is This Really Necessary?

I am not sure if a Link Dump is really necessary during the first Friday of the NCAA Tournament, but Miller Lite goes down shockingly easy when UCLA goes through one of its second-half scoring droughts, all my partners are out of the office, and my March Madness on Demand is running a little slow because my firm uses the office equivalent of a 28.8 dial-up modem ("Welcome" . . . pause . . . pause . . . pause . . . "You've got mail." Yes!).

Before I proceed to your weekly news update and dose of entertaining videos (we're video heavy this week too!), I would like to focus your attention on a little something that was posted late last night. Do yourself a favor and check it out before you dive into the Link Dump. Other than that, I do not have much of an introduction for you because . . . well . . . I want to get back to the games. So here are some non-NCAA-basketball-related things you might have missed:

• ESPN paid someone to tell them exactly what we have been telling them free-of-charge.
• Oh, and do you remember that Rick Reilly story we linked to last week about the blind kid shooting free throws? Seems like Mr. Reilly failed to give credit where credit was due . . . you know, like to the guy who first wrote the story three weeks ago.
• "I've never won a medal for pole dancing before. Normally, they just hand me an envelope of money."
• "But I’m sure any straight male that had been in that situation with us would’ve realized pretty fast it wasn’t anything even remotely sexy." I am going to disagree, John. Circle gets the square.
• Lane Kiffin would like you to know it is all part of his master plan. I do not care what his master plan is, so long as Mrs. Lane Kiffin plays a key role.
• Mike Leach is better than you, and he knows it.
  
• Apparently I would be facing multiple felony counts in the state of Washington . . . but I have a feeling my jail cell would not be too empty.
• I know I would be pretty upset too if I had to call a Memphis game in about thirteen hours.
  
• The Florida Marlins seek to show Ray Kinsella that even if you do build it, people will not come.
• Next week, Jessica will ask President Obama to give her presidential lessons as well. Though, he might actually have time.
• "You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain." Unfortunately, this is not a repeat.
• Things seem to be going really well over there in Iraq.

Wow, what an uplifting way to end the news portion of the Link Dump. You. Are. Welcome. As I mentioned before, we are video heavy this week, but I have a feeling you are not complaining. In case watching sixteen basketball games over the course of twelve hours starts to get a little unnerving, here are some other things that might help to take the edge off:

• Hey Cindy, I will bracket your tolo . . . err . . . maybe not. [Editor's Note: might want to keep the speakers low on this one.]
• If you watch this video closely, you just might see "The Hoodie" showing a little personality. Go figure.
• And, if you watch this video closely, you just might see a nice pair of headlights. That is live television ladies and gentlemen . . . and my Better Half was worried about typing the word nipples.
• Todd Helton offers up Best Man, services during honeymoon.
• Um . . . yeah . . . I . . . uh . . .
• No Dick, you will not support the smaller conferences.

Have a great weekend everyone!

A Woman Can Only Take So Much

Around "the office", there has been a lot of talk about when, or even if, my Better Half would make her GameTime, TBD©.  As I am sure you all recall, during this time of year we are usually in some exotic location (Sacramento, Boise, Anaheim, etc . . . how exotic) following March Madness live and in person (redundant much?).  Unfortunately, this year, my Better Half being in grad school and our inability to obtain tickets through the NCAA's lottery system has forced me to follow March Madness at work.  So I, the Chief, came up with a brilliant idea:  sit my Better Half in front of the television for twelve (12) straight hours watching nothing but basketball and, here is the kicker, record her thoughts in the form of a running diary for the avid readers of GameTime, TBD© to enjoy.  So without further adieu, the "folks" here at GameTime, TBD© are pleased to present for your enjoyment, the ramblings . . . err . . . thoughts of a not-so-avid-sports fan forced to watch nothing but basketball all day.  With the exception of the infamous "[Editor's Note:]" everything from here on out are her words.  Enjoy!

The Chief [Editor's Note: that BAP fella] has been talking about my GameTime, TBD© debut for a while now, and has decided to make today, Day 1 of the 2009 Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament, that day. The assignment is to watch the entire day of games and record my thoughts (oh the luxuries that come with being a full time graduate student). I am sure the Chief chose this day and this project thinking he and the avid readers could have a good laugh at my expense. Well, here’s a warning: my profound insights may just blow your mind.

9:22AM: The Chief called to wake me up. I am late for my first assignment (apparently the staff of GameTime, TBD© doesn’t care that today is also my first day of Spring Break).

9:25AM: The television says Memphis-0, CS North-2. Who is CS North? Ah, Northridge! I am not awake yet. I think that kid in the white uniform has blue shoes on. I am a huge fan of accessories. I need my glasses . . .  

9:28AM: Have glasses and have just figured out that the black uniforms are Northridge, and the white uniforms are Memphis. The CBS commentators have just informed me that Cheech Marin went to CSN (not a lot else to talk about so far.) CSN-9, Memphis-4.

9:30AM: They keep talking about field goals, but I thought that was a football thing.  Whatever the basketball thing is should have a different name in order to cut down on the confusion. 

9:35AM: I really hope they don’t play the same commercials all day . . . wow, that CSN cheerleader is really spastic . . . and her belly is hanging out . . . not good.

9:43AM: The commentator just “told” the Memphis player to “get in there big fella.”  [Editor's Note: that's what she said!] I wonder how the player would respond if he actually heard that?

9:55AM: That good Northridge player just did a slam dunk (verb: slam dunked?). That’s always entertaining. And I really feel like it’s an accomplishment. More so since he’s a student, and not a professional. I have a difficult time being impressed by professional basketball players, even when they slam dunk. Sure, I could never do it, which is why I don’t get paid to play basketball. It is a professional basketball player’s job to put the ball in the basket. When I go back to work full time, no one is going to cheer for me for doing my job. I’m just saying….well done Northridge player.  [Editor's Note: I've been a proponent of finding ways to cut down on excessive celebration in sports.  As my Better Half pointed out, it's their job.  In the meantime, I'll just keep celebrating every time I file a motion or attend a deposition.  I might get some weird looks around the office, but it sure spices things up.]

10:03AM: #4 on Memphis is huge! [Editor's Note: that's what she said . . . sometimes it's just too easy.]

10:15AM: Half time! That kid in the Capital One commercial is really cute. Jack-in-the-Box and Burger King are both gross. I need an internship.

10:30AM: CBS just switched to LSU v. Butler. I don’t feel invested in this game. Though, the players do appear to be moving faster than in the CSN v. Memphis game, so that’s more entertaining.

10:44AM: I really don’t understand the ranking. Memphis does not appear to be that much better than CSN.

11:07AM: Something exciting must be happening because people are going nuts on the TV. I don’t know for sure because I’m currently distracted by Facebook (I haven’t logged on in weeks and I need to catch up on my correspondence) [Editor's Note: 11:07am before the first check out? I'm impressed.  I had the under in the office pool at 10:03am.]

11:38AM: …and I’m back…and it’s a commercial.

11:40AM: Wow! It’s a totally different game. Whoops! Northern Iowa-6 Purdue-11

11:43AM: Purdue player slam dunked. Bravo sir.

11:50AM: “Maggie” from the Chevy Traverse commercial is really annoying. But more importantly, I really like the purple shoes that the Northern Iowa players are wearing. Next year my bracket will be based solely on fashion (the uniforms and shoes of the players). Of course it will require more research on my part, but it will be nothing compared to the amount of research some people do when making brackets. I didn’t use any methodology in making my picks this year….my bracket feels empty.

12:10PM: The commentator just said something about an “easy deuce.” They should really watch their language on CBS.

12:13PM: How is that a foul? Just don’t get in his way and you won’t fall over, kid-with-red-hair!

12:25PM: They just switched to Maryland and Cal! I am really having trouble keeping up and . . . yikes! That cheerleader is not attractive. [Editor's Note: must be Cal . . .]

12:55PM: Entertaining first half. Good hustle Maryland and Cal. Let’s take this time to check in on the Wife’s bracket. Memphis win? Check. BYU win? NO! LSU win? Check. Okay, 2 out of 3 so far. Not bad.

1:03PM: Northern Iowa bringing it with a 6-0 run. Do it Purple Shoes!!!!!!

1:31PM: Purdue wins. Pshh. Barely. Switched back to Maryland v. Cal (51-50 Cal)…only to go to a commercial! Note to Chief, this is why I don’t like watching sports at home. As soon as I get engaged, the Man rips away the game and crushes me with advertising.

1:42PM: Come on Cal! Get it in gear. I mean, that kid on Maryland has a faux hawk. A FAUX HAWK! He can’t even commit to a full and true Mohawk. If you don’t beat him, how will you live with yourselves?

2:01PM: I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am currently tied with President Obama in bracket play (but am tied for 11th at school . . . shameful).  [Editor's Note: did I forget to mention my Better Half is a socialist in the intro?  My bad.  I don't have the resources to fully vet my candidates . . . but I digress.]

2:05PM: Cal, this is go time. You call yourselves THE University of California? Well, EARN IT!

2:08PM: Cal . . . I just . . . [sigh] . . . B-rock has pulled into the lead. I have fallen to 12th at school. But thank you, North Carolina. Thank you for playing basketball today. Cal, maybe you should take all the extra time you have now to watch some tapes and pick up some tips on FINISHING. (I think I need to take a lunch break…I’m getting a little cranky).

2:15PM: Uh, CBS just switched to “The Price is Right.” And GameTime staff is texting me about someone named Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims Jr. What is going on? Did I have a stroke?

2:25PM: Nope, no stroke. Just a break between Session 1 and Session 2 games. I should have remembered. Whew. It turns out Kickingstallionsims is someone that plays for Alabama St. I’m going for a run.

4:09PM: And we’re back (got back from my run just in time). Michigan v. Clemson, and so far I like Clemson because #1 and #18 have orange shoes (I told you, I like accessories).

4:13PM: Nice block Clemson! Swat that ball.

4:15PM: A dunk for Clemson, but I’m not fully impressed. Two reasons: One, there was no one near him, so there wasn’t that cool visual of him jumping over people. Two, he did the hang-on-to-the-basket-and-swing thing. Don’t gloat buddy. Now, if he would have used the momentum from his swing to do a back flip or at least a flying kick in the air, then that would have been impressive.  [Editor's Note: she's always been a go big or go home type of girl.]

4:24PM: #45 has orange shoes too! Oh, the Clemson cheerleader outfits are very unfortunate . . . maybe it’s a strategic thing: divert the attention of the opposing team with bright, shiny spandex?! It’s not working so far. Mich-11, Clem-9

4:40PM: Switched to Gonzaga v. Akron. WHAT is Akron’s mascot? A kangaroo? (google search shows that yes, it is a kangaroo. Named Zippy.)

4:56PM: I wonder why that Akron guy is wearing a sleeved shirt under his jersey? I know that most guys wear undershirts while playing to protect from chaffing [Editor's Note: chaffing? I'm not sure that's entirely accurate . . . ], but it looks like all of the other undershirts are sleeveless. I knew a guy in high school who wore a short-sleeved shirt under his basketball jersey because he didn’t want his parents (or coach) to find out about his nipple rings (can I say nipple on GameTime, TBD©? [Editor's Note: while my Better Half struggles with issues of decency, allow me to take this opportunity to direct you to pictures of one of Louisville's cheerleaders.  Nipple, nipple, nipple.]). Akron guy, are you hiding nipple rings? Embarrassing tattoos? Are you insecure with your body? You should love yourself.

5:22PM: I am really enjoying the “Become legendary” commercials. I have no idea what they’re selling, but they’re funny. You know what’s not funny? Any joke attempted by the CBS commentators. Likening that Zags block to a Senate filibuster? Really?

5:33PM: Greg Gumbel’s hair is fascinating. He switched it over to American v. Villanova. Oh! And the only make-up on that Nova cheerleader’s face is the fake wildcat-paw-print tattoo. Yikes!

5:36PM: Just switched to Minnesota v. Texas. I really don’t like the Minnesota uniforms. I feel like they should be able to do so much more given that their mascot is the Golden Gophers. But I’d like to give a shout out to the Texas player that has an armband. [Editor's Note: I hate you A.J. Abrams!] I’m sure it serves some purpose, but I just appreciate that you have brightened it up with an orange accent. It’s good to have pride in your team and in yourself.

5:53PM: I think players should be able to punch the ball out of the hoop through the bottom of the net. It would be so much harder to get points and it would be exciting. Like when you’re on a co-ed team for beer pong and you can blow the ball out of the cup. You get rewarded for moving quickly. Plus, it adds intensity to the game. [Editor's Note: 'cause that's why guys let girls blow the ball out the cup . . . ] I think I’ll write a letter about it to the NCAA officials (oh yeah, it’s back to Akron v. Gonzaga . . . Akron 44, Zags 41).

5:58PM: Akron had to call a timeout because a player’s contact lens fell out and needed to be cleaned. How embarrassing.

6:03PM: CBS just played a portion of “The Humpty Dance” while showing stats on today’s games (I don’t understand the choice, but they flashed a picture of “The Humpty Dance” album cover). One of the commentators said, “Wow, the Humpty Dance. Really takes me back to my wedding night.” Seriously, CBS, clean it up!

6:24PM: Chief [Editor's Note: that's Chief Kickingstallionsims to you young lady] just got home. I’m sure he’s anxious to edit my content.

6:30PM: Bracket update: I am in last place of my school bracket! How is that possible? Well, I actually know how it’s possible. And normally I wouldn’t care, but after an ENTIRE day of basketball, I feel like I deserve better.  Oh, and the Chief’s pleased with the content.  [Editor's Note: very!]

7:05PM: UCLA tips off against VCU. This game should be entertaining for three reasons: 1) This is the first time I’ve ever attended a school that has made it to the Division I tournament; 2) I am not watching the game alone, and; 3) the Chief gets so into it. It’s really amusing.  [Editor's Note: I think she meant 1), b), iii) . . . but I'll let it slide just this once.]

7:14PM: The Chief is relieved that UCLA took both their stunt team AND dance team to the tournament. He’s a huge fan of the choreography. [Editor's Note: right, and were I to have a subscription to Playboy, it'd be for the articles.]

7:19PM: The Chief is impressed that I can recite the entire Miller Light commercial (what he doesn’t realize is I’ve seen it 26 times today).

7:32PM: Hey, VCU player, watch out for the rim!  [Editor's Note:  she's talking about Larry Sanders, starring Garry Shandling, who tried to dunk by slamming it into the bottom of the rim.  It's only funny if you've heard Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas talk about his 7-foot, 7-inch wing span for the last 30 minutes.]

7:47PM: VCU brought both their stunt team and dance team too. The dance team looks sassy. If the game ends in a tie, there should be a dance team dance off to settle it.

7:55PM: I’m officially bored with this assignment. The Chief is threatening to call me a quitter, so I won’t sign off . . . just take a break.  [Editor's Note: I can't quit you!]

8:00PM: That didn’t last long . . . watching Illinois v. Western Kentucky. 4 out of the 5 Illinois guys on the court have orange shoes on. That fifth guy is distracting---he draws focus. They should just make the orange shoes mandatory.

8:27PM: I feel like the commentators are biased. They’re obsessed with this Maynor guy. How about some props for Shipp? Or some love for my boy Dragovic for shaving off that funky beard? [Editor's Note: hey, hey, hey . . . leave my Nik out of this.]

8:31PM: If I see one more Lipitor ad I am going to throw something. And the new Geico commercials are weird. A stack of $5 bills with eyes? Where’s the Australian gecko? And the more ads I see for “Knowing,” the more stupid it looks.  

8:40PM: Aboya looks like he’s wearing body oil. I mean, I know he’s sweating. But he looks unnaturally shiny.

8:42PM: I am so over this. UCLA is not playing very well, and Grey’s Anatomy and The Office both start in 18 minutes. Of course, there’s no way the Chief is going to let me change the channel. Even though I’ve been working so hard all day . . . (cue the violins)

8:46PM: Seriously, I think one of the commentators wants to make-out with that Maynor guy. (the Chief is growling at UCLA . . . )

8:48PM: The Resident Evil 5 game looks intense. I want it.

9:03PM: The VCU band has a full size Yoda figurine, and a few of the ladies have stripped to their bikinis. Can’t make this stuff up folks.

9:04PM: The Chief is yelling profanity at the officials. I think his head might explode. So, Bruins, I’m calling in a favor. Forget that I’ve watched 10 hours of basketball today. Forget that I am missing my favorite show right now. Please pull away and finish with a commanding lead so that my husband’s head won’t explode. Thanks.

9:11PM: I want to punch Maynor in the head (I think all this basketball is getting to me).

9:14PM: Shot clock violation? Seriously?!

9:17PM: One point is all it takes. Thank you UCLA.

Well, friends. It’s been a pleasure, but I have decided I would rather be called a quitter than have to watch any more basketball. So, goodnight, take care, and thanks for reading.

The Madness Begins

We are going to keep the introduction to this week's Link Dump dump short because the tournament begins next week and that means the fine "folks" at GameTime, TBD© will be filling out about a thousand brackets this weekend and we can not afford to have hand fatigue or cramping.

That being said, we are working on some changes for the site that will hopefully raise its profile a little. As you may have noticed, GameTime, TBD© broke some news about its favorite sports talk personality late last night (though a formal announcement from DP on today's show would have been nice). While it may have been the first "scoop" we have gotten here, we certainly hope it will not be the last. We are starting to work the phones more because we know a guy. We also hope to tackle some more noteworthy topics to broaden our potential fan base (apparently there aren't that many Los Angeles Kings/Detroit Lions combo fans out there . . . go figure). The proverbial "we" might become an actual "we" if things go well. But we do not want to get ahead of ourselves. A lot of brainstorming is left to be done and that likely means a lot of drinking . . . which means a hangover . . . and then the snowball picks up speed.

So, while "we" get down to business on the future of this little corner of the world wide web, here are some things you might have missed:

• In non-sports (while, I guess that depends on your definition of sports) related news: a woman, a saber saw, and sex toy walk into a bar . . .
• Travis Henry never learned to run behind his blockers (with bonus update).
• It seems more and more likely Andre Smith is just the guy the Lions are looking for with that first overall pick.
• Come for Gisele (that's what she said . . . ba-ZING!), stay for her calling Tom a child.
• When a pair of scissors to the head is just not enough, go with the knife to the neck.
• Today's obscure sports/hot chicks showcase is brought to you by . . . (spins wheel) . . . Woodsmen Contests.
• Golf certainly changed while Tiger was away.
• "Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time."
• Do not touch this man's balls.
• Sixth-Man-of-the-Year race was pretty tight in Conference USA. And you still probably think Memphis deserves a one seed.
• It is nice to see someone finally back up a sports guarantee . . . with their father's checkbook.
• Eric Bedard, pitcher and catcher?
• This week's feel good story, compliments of Rick Reilly . . . again.

And what would a Link Dump be if we did not provide you with something for you viewing pleasure? It dawned on "us" that anyone who happened to stumble across a Link Dump for the first time might think this is the section of the post where they can attractive ladies. How dare they think The Chief would stoop so low as to use a little T&A to gain attention for GameTime, TBD© (note to self: add "more attractive women content" to list of ideas). For those of you who are new to this glorious little site, here are some videos (non-pornographic) that will help you get through the rest of your Friday afternoon:

• Kids these days are so lazy. When I was younger we dribbled to the basket . . . 3 miles . . . in the snow . . . uphill both ways.
• Who knew Hitler was such a big Bills fan?
• Selection Sunday . . . Monday . . . and Tuesday.
• Nunchucks, FTW!!!

Have a great weekend everyone!

This Just In . . .

. . . to GameTime, TBD©. We do not know how many of you are listeners of The Dan Patrick Show (broadcast in the Los Angeles area on AM570), but today DP let slip that a big announcement is forthcoming tomorrow (Friday, March 13th) regarding his show.

Sources close to The Chief of GameTime, TBD© have confirmed that in a little over six hours (9:00 a.m. EST, 6:00 a.m PST), USA Today and DP will announce that an exclusive agreement has been reached between The Dan Patrick Show and DirecTV to broadcast the show on DirecTV's original content channel, Channel 101, more commonly referred to as "The 101 Network".  While final details of the agreement could not be officially confirmed, it is believed that a studio is currently being prepared for the production of The Dan Patrick Show near DirecTV's El Segundo, California headquarters, where most of DirecTV's original content is produced.  All signs point to DP heading West, where he belongs.  We do not know if "Chris in Syracuse" or the other follicles are current customers of DirecTV, but we are guessing they soon will be (that's assuming that CIS recovers from the marathon that was tonight's 6-OT Syracuse/Connecticut game sometime soon).

Stay tuned to GameTime, TBD©, The Dan Patrick Show, and USA Today as the remaining details of this exciting news are announced (and for recommendations on where DP and crew can carry on the "Beer and Wings" post-game celebration tradition . . . Stick and Stein anyone?)

Nobody [Messes] With the DL

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you all had a great week. Things have been pretty hectic around here lately; so hectic, in fact, there was some concern over whether a fresh Link Dump would make its way onto GameTime, TBD© today. Well, there has been a brief calm in the storm which should afford just enough time to make this happen (hey, would I let you down?).

Around "the office" one thing is clear: if an opportunity arises for The Chief to quote a movie within the context of a conversation, or post, he is going to. This, of course, is a nice segue to The Chief's love of The Big Lebowski (which was stolen from him by a frat brother who, to this day, denies the alleged events even though we all know it to be true . . . but I'm not bitter or anything). If you have never seen it, do yourself a favor and Netflix it immediately. If you have, then you know the following by heart:

Jesus: You ready to be [expletive deleted], man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna [expletive deleted] you up.
Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus: Let me tell you something, [Spanish expletive deleted]. You pull any of your crazy [expletive deleted] with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your [expletive deleted] and pull the [expletive deleted] trigger 'til it goes "click."
Dude: Jesus.
Jesus: You said it, man. Nobody [expletive deleted] with the Jesus.

As you are aware, The Chief is big a supporter of Los Angeles Kings General Manager Dean Lombardi. He has stuck to his guns and put together a young team that is still alive in the playoff hunt (barely, but this sure helped). That is why The Chief had emphatically declared over the past week that the Kings would not be players in any deadline deals. Which is why The Chief was knocked back when, minutes after the deadline passed, it was announced that the Kings had traded talented, yet underachieving, Patrick O'Sullivan to Carolina for out-with-a-broken-hand-winger Justin Williams (O'Sullivan was promptly shipped off to Edmonton by Carolina . . . that's gotta be good for the old self esteem). Once healthy, the Kings get in Williams something they have lacked for some time: a legitimate thirty-goal scorer with speed who plays hard at both ends of the ice. In O'Sullivan, the Hur . . . err . . . Oilers get the one player on the Kings who went toe-to-toe with DL. As you may recall (but probably don't), O'Sullivan was a holdout through most of training camp. Once he was signed, he then had to work to prove himself to new coach Terry Murray (a man who had worked with DL in the past) and his teammates (who all seemed to be on board with what DL was doing). O'Sullivan was the only player on the team who messed with DL's rebuilding plan (DL had stated from day one of the contract dispute that he felt O'Sullivan was a key to organization's future). And now, with this deadline deal, DL has sent a message to all the players on his team: Nobody [messes] with the DL.

So, while The Chief spends the rest of his Friday surfing the world wide web for highlights of Justin Williams, here are some things you might have missed to help you get to the weekend:

• In non-sports related news (wait, what?), Jim Cramer gives the White House the business.
• "Who throws a shoe? Honestly!"
• Apparently the Chicago Blackhawks' marketing department is not aware of that little thing called a "hat trick".
• While Tiger Woods may have gotten two by one goaltender, he can not get any by this one.
• Vigilante justice, AHL style.
• Stopping pucks with face: bad for acting career, good for father's political career?
• Welcome to "Let It Ride" (Pai-Gow?) Stadium, home of the Minnesota Vikings.
  
• A-Roid told to cease and de-cyst.
• Remember that guy who was traded for 10 bats? Things did not go so well for him.
  
• "That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!"
• She likes to work the low post and the poll (ba-ZING!).
• Never mess with a man's shuttlecock.
• "You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain."
• When providing alcohol to minors, while also encouraging cheerleaders to "get on that pole", it is usually best if you do not post pictures of the events on Facebook.
• If you are plan on stealing a golf cart (and really, who doesn't?), we recommend that you try to avoid bodies of water.

As for your weekly viewing pleasure, we are replacing the usual physical pain with the always more funny emotional scarring. Oh, and we will throw in some other stuff just for the hell of it (who loves you?):

• Hey Chief, here is one for you.
• Duke's Scheyer Travels; Blowhard Only Sees Mugging.
• Like I always say: go with the granny, hump ape.
• Streeter and Amir (the fellas who started CollegeHumor.com) have been entrenched in a long-standing prank war for a couple of years now (here's how it all began). A little over a year ago, Amir really escalated things with prank 6. This past week, Streeter got his revenge.

Have a great weekend everyone!