Howdy Strangers

I know, I know. We have been MIA for a few weeks now and that means many of you have had to struggle through your Friday afternoons. My sincerest apologies for that on behalf of the entire GameTime, TBD© team. That is why I decided not to let anything stand in the way of this week's Link Dump.

With football season right around the corner, I am sure most of you are in full-fledged Fantasy Football mode. I did the responsible thing year and limited myself to three leagues, but it seems I have taken on a consulting role for a few of my friends' teams as well (wait a sec . . . I do work and don't get paid for it? . . . how'd this happen?). Do not fear, I am not about to recap all of my drafts or tell you why I like or dislike picks I have made. No, I am going to do the much more sensible thing and talk about something that is likely to have me sleeping on the couch for the next week or so. Ready?

Chicks are ruining sports. Yes, that is a broad generalization; so, as they like to say, if the shoe fits, wear it. We needed a twelfth team owner for my firm's Fantasy Football league this year and, as it turns out, one of our female associates expressed interest in the opportunity. Our league commissioner [Editor's Note: NOT ME] had a pseudo-interview with this young lady, who we shall call Poncherello, to make sure she had basic football knowledge and was aware of the commitment. All seemed to be copacetic and things were progressing as normal. Then it came time for the all-important team naming process. I . . . nay . . . everyone I know who plays Fantasy Football takes this process very seriously. For my firm league, I always try to make reference to my beloved Lions because I take a lot of heat for my support of, perhaps, the worst franchise in all of sports (save for the Clippers).

As you are all aware, the Lions did not take my advice and hired Jim Schwartz as their new head coach. While I am not thrilled with the hire, I plan on withholding judgment on Mr. Schwartz until later in the season. The hire did, however, make the naming of my team extremely easy. For my name, I looked no further than one of my all-time favorite movies: Spaceballs. Thus, my team was named "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine". All was quiet on the western front for a few days after I submitted my name, but eventually I was summoned to the principal's commissioner's office. Apparently a not-be-named owner of the league had taken offense to my team name. Although the commish refused to disclose the offended team owner, sources close to me confirmed that it was none other than Poncherello.

Seriously? You are going to join a Fantasy Football league and get offended by a team name that, while admittedly a sexual innuendo (in-her-end-OH!), is tame by Fantasy Football team naming standard? Just Google "fantasy football team names" (here, I did it for you) and see what is out there. And you think "I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine" is offensive? Look, I think it is great that more and more women are becoming huge sports fans (my Better Half included). But why do women feel the need to try to change or behavior when it comes to sports? If I want to yell at the television, I am going to yell at the television. If I want to throw back a couple beers with the guys during a game, I am going to throw back a couple beers (and I won't care if you want to sip a cosmo or appletini during the game). So, please, ladies, stop trying to change the way we enjoy sports.

So, while I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find a new team name, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through your afternoon:

• Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
• While we were out of commission, GQ went ahead and had features on Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. You. Are. Welcome.
• If you manage to get past Carrie Milbank's picture, may I call your attention to reasons one and three.
• NHL goes Socialist . . . it was only a matter of time with Bettman.
• Honey, cancel our trip to Delaware.
  
• If Jim Harbaugh ever goes missing, I know the first place to look.
• We have a new leader in the clubhouse for the "Father of the Year" award.
• As much as I love Fantasy Football (yes, I know, only three leagues this year), even I think this is a little (read: a lot) ridiculous.
• If I were Wade Phillips, I would be trying to figure out more ways to get this guy on the field, and fewer ways to make myself look like an idiot.
• The Ninth Circuit thinks that anonymous 2003 drug test should be kept anonymous. What a concept.
• Chris Carpenter fixes John Smoltz in five minutes, joins Tebow in stroll across water.
• I will take "Things You Don't Expect to Hear at a Charity Golf Tournament" for one thousand, Alex. Answer: "I'll show you the size of my tee."

Alright, I am having trouble coming up with a new Lions-related team name. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I am leaning towards "Never Underestimate the Power of the Schwartz", but I am still open to other ideas. Perhaps, these clips, carefully selected for your viewing pleasure, will help:

• This girl needs to be a star . . . immediately.
• "That's as consistent as gravity." I guess Andy Roddick has a personality after all.
• Deron Williams and Kyle Korver are hosting a charity dodgeball tournament. What better way to promote the event than with two funny promos. [Editor's Note: videos to the right.]
• 'Cause soccer cleat in your mouth is bad for yo' health.
• I have watched and re-watched this knockout several times and I still can not decide if it is the greatest knockout or greatest phantom punch of all time. (Also, why do people always feel the need to rush the ring after an awesome knockout?)
• Sorry folks, it is the last episode of Tweet Boxx, Season One.
• Yes, that is Lori Laughlin; yes, that is "Send Me an Angel"; and, yes, this was an actual 80s movie about bmx biking.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[UPDATE: In light of the theme of this week's introduction, I think it only appropriate to add this late-arriving story. Hats off to you Ms. Rampone.]

Could You Describe the Ruckus, Sir?

Hello all. It has been far too long. I am sorry for the relative lack of activity taking place around these parts of the world wide web, but my schedule has been absolutely crazy. It still is, actually, but I was not going to let it stop me from taking care of my favorite people (the avid GameTime, TBD© readers) once again. And for a while I bounced around how to start off this week's Link Dump. Do I regale you with stories of my adventures in Point Pleasant, West Virginia (ever heard of the Mothman?)? Or the fact that Vanessa Hudgens loves taking pictures of herself . . . in the mirror . . . without any clothes on (she's 18 right? [Googling Vanessa Hudgens] 20, phew . . . oh yeah, that one's NSFW)? Or maybe I could tease you with details of my upcoming vacation (that's just cruel). But then, as it so often does, life picked the topic for me.

You may or may not have heard (I'm going to guess you have), but John Hughes passed away yesterday at the far-too-young age of fifty-nine. I am willing to wager that there is not a single person out there who does not have at least one Hughes-written movie amongst their top ten favorite movies of all time. Sure, his more recent credits might not be all that impressive, but look at the run he had from 1983 to 1991: Mr. Mom; Vacation; Sixteen Candles; The Breakfast Club; European Vacation; Weird Science; Pretty in Pink; Ferris Bueller's Day Off; Planes, Trains & Automobiles, The Great Outdoors, Uncle Buck, Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, and Dutch. That is an impressive eight-year run. Having not attended high school until the late-1990s, I can not say I appreciated The Breakfast Club, or the other Brat Pack movies, as much as some of my older readers, but they are still great movies. And there is not a week that goes by that I do not follow up one of my far-too-intellectual jokes with "Bueller? . . . Bueller? . . . Anyone? . . . Anyone?" And I will be the first to admit that I will still watch Home Alone when it is on during the holiday, and you can bet that Christmas Vacation is right there for the encore. But I would have to say that Planes, Trains & Automobiles ranks as my favorite John Hughes movie (I knew Rich Eisen and I would be best buddies). It is by far John Candy's best work (sorry all you Who's Harry Crumb lovers) and, if you know me, you know there is not a pre-Bowfinger Steve Martin movie I do not love, and it was written by, perhaps, my second-favorite film/television writer of all time (sorry Hughes family, Sorkin takes the cake).

And while I am sure we could spend the rest of the day debating why we prefer one Hughes movies over another, that is not really why you are here. Obviously the thoughts and prayers of the GameTime, TBD© team go out to the Hughes family, but we are here to make sure you all are a little happier on this Friday afternoon, not bummed out. So to help you get through the rest of your afternoon (and to help me get to vacation a little faster), here are some things you might have missed:

• This countdown alone could kill the rest of your afternoon, but it is totally worth it: The 50 Most Badass Moments In Sports.
• I can not decide if the fourteen points UCLA got in the preseason coaches' poll means they are overrated or underrated.
• Round 1 goes to Delaware; round 2 to the NCAA. But rest assured, Montana is safe.
  
• UCF should know that college football fans take their drunk co-eds tailgating very seriously.
• "I don't know when I'll start again. But I will be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And I will be in the Hall of Fame." Good to know Vince does not have any self-esteem issues.
• Something tells me that Michael Crabtree will probably not let his cousin speak on his behalf for much longer.
• I do not care if it is $90 or $60, it better be the best pizza ever made for that kind of money.
• The Juice may be loose sooner than expected.
• I have said it before, and I will say it again, the litigious nature of this society drives me mad.
• When the gravy train stops running, a girl has got to earn a living somehow.
• Here is a fine example of second place being the first winner: the view.
• He's a she; she's a he; he's a she-he.
• A new fight for those right-wing freaks that have hijacked my beloved Republican party.
• Although this photo spread has nothing to do with Marisa Miller (or other attractive women for that matter), I promise you, making it through all 20 galleries is well worth your time.

If you have truly taken the time to enjoy all of those links, it has probably taken you about an hour to get this far (I think that is some kind of record for the Link Dump). And for your effort, you deserve to rewarded. While I am willing to wager that only one of these videos' writing rises to the level of John Hughes (heck, two of them are unscripted), I think they are all equally enjoyable and will likely bring a smile to your face (oh, and probably a slight cringe):

• "Those aren't pillows!" (okay, I cheated, Hughes actually wrote it).
• Livin' the dream, baby!
• And he's out!
• Remember when laser pointers used to be cool? Not anymore.
• Still trying to keep you in the Tweet Boxx loop: Episode 5, Episode 6, and Episode 7.
• I am about a week late on this one, but you have got to respect their dedication to Trey (and college rivalries).
• Of course, you can have that last one without this one. [Editor's Note: remember, username: GameTimeTBD; password: gametime]

The GameTime, TBD© office is closed next week; sorry about that. Regardless, have a great weekend (and week) everyone!