Does Size Really Matter?

Hello friends.  Well, sadly, actual work has once again reared its ugly head, and that has left the writers here at GameTime, TBD© without enough time or oversight to bring you your weekly dose of entertainment, also known as the Link Dump.  But what would a Friday be without a little entertainment and, more importantly, a heated debate amongst friends?

As most of you know, the Chief is a legs and butt man.  A woman with a nice set of stems will drive him wild.  This developed mostly out of (1) his love for petite women, and (b) his fear of the damage that can be caused by a set of large knockers.  Do not get me, he is not about turn a blind eye to what a woman has going on up top (after all, a lot of them paid good money for those), but he has an unnatural fear of getting knocked unconscious by an arrant boob shot to the head.  [Editor's Note: seriously, try as you might, you will never be able to convince me that a set like these couldn't kill a man.  I mean, I could think of worse ways to go, but still . . .].  Plus, a nice pair of legs and a shapely butt usually tend to indicate that the woman takes care of her body, so you are likely to find the rest of her very appealing as well.

Well, if we are talking about the Chief's preference in women, and we do not have enough time for a full Link Dump, that can only me one thing.  That is right, dear readers, it is time for GameTime, TBD©'s next installment of M-F-K: the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee ("IBTC") Edition.  So, we would like to know who of these "IBTC" members you would marry, [censored], and kill:  (1) Kristen Bell; (b) Keira Knightley; and (iii) Natalie Portman.

We asked the Chief to provide us with his analysis, so here we go.  Three beautiful women, all with great legs and butts [Editor's Note: boy, researching for this post was really tough . . .], and a top half proportionate to their body?  You can not really go wrong here.  That being said, those of you who know my preference in women, and know my Better Half, know that I will be marrying Kristen Bell.  No point in trying to pretend otherwise.  As part of our inevitable prenuptial agreement, I would negotiate a clause requiring her to walk three feet in front of me at all times just so I could constantly be checking her out her backside.  I mean, is that not why we gentlemen live by the motto "ladies first"?  Personally, I think the Japanese culture got it backwards by making women walk behind their husbands.  You can not enjoy the view that way.

As for which one I [censored] and which one I kill, that is a bit trickier.  If you had presented this scenario to me a couple of years ago, it would have been simple, Natalie Portman gets to taste the goods and Keira Knightley meets an untimely end.  Natalie Portman was my first celebrity crush, dating all the way back to her roll as Matilda in The Professional.  [Editor's Note: we're only 6-months apart age wise, so that isn't as creepy as it sounds . . . I hope.]  The funny thing is, while Natalie Portman has peeked career-wise over the past few years, her curb appeal has dropped a little in my book.  First, she went all boy haircut on us, and then she decided to go and get herself knocked up.  Keira Knightley, on the other hand, is the model of consistency.   The movie she is in might not be is not very good, but she is going to look good doing it and her accent rocks.  All that being said, you know I am loyal to a fault.  I wish I knew how to quit you Natalie Portman.  [Editor's Note: her being in like eleventy billion movies this year isn't helping, that's for sure.]  So, dear Keira, as good as you looked as pirate, it is time for you to walk the plank while Natalie walks my plank (Hey-OH!).

So, with that, we must cut things short and get back to life in the real world.  We hope you are able to enjoy your Friday afternoon and the heated debate we know you are about to have with those around you.  But with all this talk of legs and boobs, we thought we would leave you with one more relevant video, compliments of Spring Break 2011: "She's top heavy guys, she's top heavy."

Have a great weekend everyone!

Rise and FIRE!

Can you smell that?  The sweet, sweet aroma of March Madness is in the air.

That is right, the productivity of American workers is slowly grinding to a halt as we are a mere twenty-three hours away from the tip-off of the NCAA Tournament.  Okay, so I guess the Tournament technically started last night, but let us be honest, no one is really counting these play-in "first" round games as part of the tournament.  Chances are you, like me, have joined one or two (or twenty) pools and did not even have to pick the first four games unless you expected one of the teams to advance past their next opponent.

More importantly, this means over the next two days we all get to pretend we are actually working while, in actuality, we are following the games from the (dis)comfort of our desk chairs.  I mean, if unrest in the Middle East and a potential nuclear meltdown in Japan can not stop Obama from filing out a bracket for ESPN, who are we expected to focus on normal work?  Some of you are doing the smart thing and just taking the two days off, or maybe just Friday.  Heck, even my Better Half said she was considering taking Friday as a sick day so she could stay home, watch the games, and BBM-trash talk me about how her bracket is better than mine.  I mean, if the Tournament is going to get her to ditch work, it has to make you consider just how important it is.

But that also made the Chief realize that that makes today practically Friday.  So he sent up the GameTime, TBD© signal and called for a special, Tournament edition of the Link Dump. When you think about it, it makes sense.  I mean, we are even closing up shop early on Friday to head to Vegas to catch some of the action.  Thankfully, part of the GameTime, TBD© family is headed out first thing tomorrow morning, so we will have legal action on all of the Thursday and Friday games.

Now, we were very tempted to dedicate this entire Link Dump to the greatness that is Gus Johnson, since Gus Johnson and the NCAA Tournament go hand-and-hand.  But as it turns out, there is actually some other Tournament-related news out there that we thought you might enjoy and some non-Gus Johnson related videos from the week that should help make your Hump Day [Editor's Note: Hey-OH] go by a little faster.  But rest assured, our dear readers, that there is plenty of Gus Johnson to go around:

• I will get this out the way: Gus Johnson is the voice of March.
• Jimmer Fredette is wildly popular in the New York prison system . . . wait, what?
• If you are finding it difficult to make bracket number thirty-seven seem different from bracket twenty-three, here are some strategies to help you out.
• A look at March Madness by the numbers.  Congratulations to you on being part of the 8.4 million.
• Speaking of "by the numbers", here is a bracket filed out using the median salary of graduates from each of the teams.
• There is nothing like a good drinking game to help ensure you are passed out by the late games.

Of course, around this time of year every website and their mother runs their own gimmicky NCAA-style bracket.  If you have not noticed, Esquire is picking the "Sexiest Woman Alive" (even though last October they declared Minka Kelly the sexiest woman alive . . . did I miss something? Is Minka dead? Was she severely disfigured in a horrific acid accident in the last 5 months?) and Spike is helping Captain Morgan find the "Ultimate Morganette" from a pool of only the "classiest" of ladies.  Attractive women NCAA-style brackets are a dime a dozen this time of year.  So we thought we would draw your attention to some other notable brackets:

• Black Lab, FTW!
• I am not positive, but I do not think this will really be much of a competition.

And then there are the videos.  Oh, the videos.  Let us face it, there is nothing quite like a Gus Johnson-called dramatic ending.  And while listening alone is fun, watching is even better.  But do not fear, we have not gone with a complete tribute to Gus Johnson because not even March Madness can stop funny things from happening:

• Like everything great in life, even the NCAA Tournament ends with a montage, every year, always to "One Shining Moment".  So here you go, fifteen years of "One Shining Moment".
• "Sorrentine . . . FROM THE PARKING LOT!"
• "Heart. Break. City."  Yes, it is the greatest 40.8 seconds in NCAA-tournament history (I might be biased), and it was called by G.J.
• Not convinced? Here is how it looked from UCLA's band section.  How has someone not mixed this with Johnson's call yet?
• While we are certain to have many memorable fan reactions during this year's Tournament, it may be tough to match this.
• The best anti-bullying PSA? Looks to me like a perfect visual representation of a one-versus-sixteen match-up.  [Editor's Note: all kidding aside, it's time parents start taking some initiative and talk to their kids about bullying.  For the record, that's the bullier getting the short end of the stick.]
• It is about this time of year that a guy figures out just how great his significant other is.  Hopefully you chose wisely.  [Editor's Note: like me!]
• Worried that the NCAA Tournament is going to take its toll on your Diet? Jimmy K is here to help!

We hope you enjoy the NCAA Tournament and we wish you the best luck in all of your pools or with all the action you decide to lay . . . and also your bets.  Ba-ZING!

Bite Your Tongue

I am not going to lie, I was a little stressed out this morning during my train ride into the GameTime, TBD© office.  The Chief usually wants to know what the Link Dump introduction subject matter is going to be first thing in the morning so he has the necessary time to research the topic before making the final edits and sending the post "to print".  Well, so many things happened this week, I was having trouble picking one.  Do I go with commentary on college basketball officiating or the latest controversy in the NHL regarding dangerous hits?  What about UCLA's complete failure to show up last night versus a lesser opponent?  To be honest, I was leaning towards the UCLA introduction.  For starters, officiating is an issue I could beat to death, revive, then beat to death again, and I would still feel unsatisfied and the Zdeno Chara hit might be a little too heavy for a Friday afternoon.  Plus, under those two topics, I am liable to say something that finally puts GameTime, TBD© on the map . . . for all the wrong reasons.  So I thought it best to bite my tongue and go with UCLA because, after all, in reliving the nightmare that was last night's game, at least I would get to reference Oregon's cheerleaders.  But then a funny thing happened while I was standing in line at Starbucks waiting to get my morning coffee . . .

I am always amazed by what people are willing to talk about while out in public.  As you know, one of the the Chief's biggest pet peeves is when people talk on their cellphones in elevators.  It is not just because he is stuck in a tiny cube and forced to listen to someone yakking away that drives him nuts; it is often the conversation the people are having.  You might recall the time he was forced to listen to a woman discuss her friends . . . errr . . . "exploits" from the previous evening (which include such classic lines as "And he just thought you'd let him stick it there the first time?").  Nasty.  Or there was the girl on the treadmill next me telling her friend all about how she was going to seduce the father of the kids she served as part-time nanny for.  Charming.  And I can not even begin to go into the ridiculous conversations I hear on the train.  I wish I could claim I was a compulsive eavesdropper, but unfortunately people just talk loud.

Which brings me to this morning, in the lonnnnnnnnnnnng line at Starbucks, where I had to listen to the woman in front of me talk to her co-worker about her ex-husband's mission to buy their child's love.  Any thing that child wants, his father buys him: video games, sports equipment, clothes, blah, blah, blah.  And she did not think it was fair because he was the big-shot executive with all the money.  How could she compete?  After about five minutes (did I mention it was a lonnnnnnnnng line?), I almost felt like I was entitled to give my opinion on the subject.  It was, after all, your classic tale of man bones secretary, wife finds out, man hires better divorce attorney, you know the rest.  For what it is worth, I thought perhaps the husband felt guilty about the trouble he brought on his family and was trying to make it up to his kid, albeit with material things.  But before I could get there, I got Captain Over Share's opinion (and I quote): "Do you think he found out I've been sleeping with Steve and is now trying to turn [our son] against me?  I mean, I know he's good friends with Steve, but Steve promised he wouldn't say a thing." You stay classy, random woman at Starbucks.

Look people, I am very familiar with the "these are all strangers, I'll never see them again, so what do I care what they hear?" line of reasoning.  But strangers or not, there is such a thing as common courtesy.  And I want to hear about your personal life about as much as you want to hear about mine.  There is so much going on in the world to talk about, why not save the personal stuff for the privacy of your office or your car? So please, random people of the world, learn to bite your tongue . . . or you might find your exploits being posted on a random blog for all my avid readers to enjoy.

Speaking of things for my avid readers to enjoy:

• In non-sports related news, apparently the internet has made it more difficult for people to hide their "I used to be a porn star" pasts.
• Your "No duh!" link of the week: apparently we should be paying more attention to women's surfing.  [Editor's Note: for the sake of . . . ummm . . . journalistic integrity, we have confirmed that, yes, Alana Blanchard doesn't mind showing a cheek or two while surfing.]
• Oh, NCAA, if there is one thing you do so well, its hypocrisy.  [Editor's Note: read both the main article and then the supplement reaction from the author.]
• Come on, Bill James, you can never completely eliminate the human element from an equation.  [Editor's Note: or, as long-time friend of the program Ballgame put it, the "crapping the bed" element.]
• Wow, it sucks to be from the Ohio Valley Conference.
• “[Stanford] accommodates athletes in the manner that they accommodate students with disabilities.”
• Apparently it has been a rough spring training for players' rides.  [Editor's Note: anyone else think we should start using the word "purloined" more often?]
• Well, I am glad we got that all cleared up.
•  For all those people out there who think it is crazy for the NBA to talk contraction, I present you with this:  Blake Griffin is able to sell out a New Jersey Nets game while Kobe and Lebron play to a half-full arena in Miami.
• Maybe he liked the view?
• I think Aston Villa should change their mascot to the "Hermit of the Holte End".
• He must be crazy. A love-hate relationship with the McRib?

It feels good to be back up and running at full capacity post-vacation.  We were planning to spend part of this Link Dump apologizing for our lack of a full Dump last week, but word on the street is that Ms. Upton was a sufficient apology.  Should we be offended?  While we debate this in the privacy of our office, here are some videos to help you make that final push to the weekend:

• WINNING!
• Tom Brady proudly invites you to "Dance Party, U.S.A."!
• Worst. Sportscast. Ever.  At least have the common decency to drop a catch phrase that will live forever, fellas.
• If being stuck in the office all day has got you down, here is a four-minute walk across the Appalachian Trail.  If nothing else, it is a beautiful look at the longest foot trail in America.
• Call the travel, ref!
• This is fantastically fake (I hope) . . . but also a reminder to be careful when stealing someone's parking spot (you know, like put your top up).
• Nothing like an awesome mash-up to get our weekend started off on the right foot.
• Someone could create a video of Jennifer Aniston sitting on a park bench reading and I would probably still post it here.  But, thankfully for you, SmartWater made a funny video with "Jen" Aniston instead.  [Editor's Note: and, yes, I would have gladly auditioned for the role of "Nut Shot Guy" . . . too much?]

Have a great weekend everyone!

Site News: What Happened to that Vacation?

[Editor's Note: as you all know by now, anytime the words "Site News" appear in the title, bad news is coming . . . ]

A funny thing happened last week: we went on vacation. It. Was. Marvelous.  Eighty-one and sunny in late-February?  Yes, please.  But you know what was crazy?  Apparently the rest of the world felt the need to keep on working.  Did they not get the memo?  Vacation.  [Editor's Note: well, apparently the LA Metro maintenance workers got the memo because my 20-minute delay on the train ride into this office this morning certainly didn't help our chances of getting anything of substance prepared for you.  Seriously, though, don't they know I have readers to entertain? . . . but I digress . . . ]

So, while we were on vacation, enjoying the sun, a cocktail or two (or twenty), and thinking of new and great ways to improve GameTime, TBD©, the rest of the world was acting out in pure jealousy.  Ever wonder what the Leaning Tower of Pisa looks like in person?  Well, I could have saved you the expensive plane ticket to Italy.  The stack of work waiting for me when I returned defied the laws of physics.  That said, I have been forced to spend the week catching up on more work than I care to admit, all while putting out the fires that manage to pop up on a weekly.  If ever there was a week I really wanted to win the lottery, this is it.

Unfortunately, that means we will not be able to provide you with the one thing you look forward to most every Friday.  What? No, calm down people.  The weekend will still get here.  And to be honest, I am a little insulted (yet, also flattered that you think we here at GameTime, TBD© have that much power). No, no.  We are unable to provide you with a full Link Dump.  Epic. Fail.

But you also know by now that we are never willing to leave you completely empty-handed.  That is right, per usual, we hope to make it up to you with a hot chick and some funny videos.  We figured that by now you were tired of picture after picture of attractive blonds like Marisa Miller, Kristen Bell, and Blake Lively, so we decided to mix things up this week and go with a picture of . . . well . . . attractive blond Kate Upton, the blog-o-sphere's consensus pick as the hottest new addition to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:

Seriously though, any one else think their guidance counselor failed them by not mentioning fashion photographer as a career option?

As for the videos, we obviously have many to catch up on, seeing as with missed a whole week.  So you can bet that next week there will an extra long video portion of the Link Dump.  But for now, we hope these seven will do:

• In case you were wondering, America's dominance over Canada extends all the way to soccer.
• As if this course was not crazy of enough for a BMXer, the throw in a dog.
• Remember that dude who got dumped by his girlfriend after he let her get hit by a ball at an Astros's game last summer?  It was probably for the best.
• Anyone else think The Onion managed to hire actual pedophiles for this news piece?
• Holy cheerleader spazz out, Batman!
• Any guess at who the slowest runner at the NFL combine was?
• It is the new workout we should all be doing, especially with those who are already doing it.

Have a great weekend everyone!