It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas has finally arrived. Everyone is walking around the office handing out gifts and I feel like a retard because I did not get anyone anything. In my defense, I call last Christmas as my first witness; no one gave me anything. Maybe I should have followed the example of my buddy Nosh (thanks for the card!), who cooked and iced out (that's edible bling) enough cookies to feed a small nation. This was an amateur mistake on my part and will never happen again. My team is getting ready to head out for a holiday lunch (read: getting drunk), so I am getting you this weeks link dump a couple of hours early. Besides, I figure most you are headed out early (if you're even in the office at all) and are probably dying for some way to pass the time. So here are some things from the past week you should know about:

• I am now 100% convinced that Congress does not do any actual work. Seriously though, the Rockies did not even win anything.
• When you were 7 years old, did ever ski "fast and recklessly"?
• Student asks math teacher for extra credit assignment; math teacher follows the porno movie playbook. I am sure you know how this one ends.
• Purdue University: training great minds like Orville Redenbacher, Neil Armstrong and this girl since 1869.
• Berkshire Hathaway share fell 4.6% on Monday, closing at $136,000 per share. I totally sympathize with what the shareholders must be going through right now.
• Come this time of year, you really should not disappoint your parents.
• Nerds of the world rejoice . . . I am doing so secretly to maintain my image.
• I cannot say I was totally shocked when Jamie Lynn Spears announced she was pregnant (and provided my with a great new Guitar Hero band name: "Jamie Lynn's Baby"), but shouldn't something be done about the fact that a 16-year-old girl got knocked up by a 19-year-old boy? Or have just finally realized that a celebrities are whores?

Unfortunately, I only have one video for you this week, but it is guaranteed to make you laugh for, at least, five minutes straight:

• Holiday time is when the most wonderful culinary wishes can come true.

Have a happy and safe holiday weekend everyone!