For starters, my Better Half had ever so nicely sorted the dirty laundry in the bedroom. Now, I am not nearly as smart as she is, so it took me a while to decipher the code, which, as it turns out, was "Do the laundry." But laundry is not something that requires constant attention (unless sitting in your garage and watching a machine shake is entertaining to you . . . but then, I'd assume you're not reading this blog . . . but I digress), so I needed something to pass the time while the washing machine worked its magic. And that is when I saw it, right there on my DirecTV channel guide: the season finale of Jersey Shore. One word: UH-MAZING! I had never watched any of the season, but had heard plenty about it from the likes of BFF and Barnicle, one of my oldest friends. Barnicle had even hosted a Jersey Shore season finale viewing party the night before. As the show progressed, I could literally feel the brain cells in my head dying off. Then, out of nowhere, J-Woww (an actual character nickname) described her ideal man as a "juice-head gorilla", and when she went to the beach to find her some man meat, she inquired "Where are all the juice-head gorillas?" And that was when it happened, my IQ took a fifty point hit; that, and I was hooked. So hooked, in fact, I stuck around for Jersey Shore: The Reunion. I mean, who does not need to learn about the art of fist pumping? This is serious people, the beat wants to fight you so you have to beat the beat up. To think, for the longest time, I thought this was a big spoof; now I know it is real.
What I am trying to say is this: if I seem M.I.A. for the next week or so, do not be afraid. It just means my daily G.T.L. schedule has gotten the best of me. Speaking of which, I am running a little late on the daily schedule. So, while I head out to get my G.T.L. on, here are some things you might have missed to keep you entertained (and smart) for the rest of the afternoon:
- If you had Ray Maualuga in the "Next Cincinnati Bengal to Get Arrested" pool, you may collect your winnings now. Pays double if you also had "DUI in a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire."
- If you see this man in or around the Miami area on February 7, 2010, please contact your local police station. He may be rocking out a great set list.
- "Saintsmania" has permeated the city? EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES (or just take the week off).
- "This is not Detroit, man. THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL." Yes, I am offended (not really).
- I heard his wife had already bought the shears.
- Three words I never thought I would write together: transgender sodomy lawsuit.
- If you are lucky, this man will be playing for your NFL team come next season. Congratulations.
- The SEC is not a fan of fans who love their schools in moments of great triumph.
- Talk about one of your all-time backfires. [Editor's Note: Make sure to watch the video as well, and then check out what happened while the news reporter was filming his intro to the story.]
- This is a story of a cursed high school hockey rink.
- Not too long ago, Charlie Davies was lucky to be alive. Now, it is possible he will be back with the national team in time for the 2010 World Cup.
- Meanwhile, this guy probably will not make it to South Africa this summer.
- It always comes full circle with sex offenders.
- I am sorry, Jim Nantz said what?
- I hope, for your sake, your college does not have to play the mighty Nanooks of Alaska, Fairbanks this season.
- With the Olympics right around the corner, I have found myself wondering what it would be like to compete in the Skeleton. Oh look, the answer.
- A decently funny Lonely Island spoof. Never thought it could happen.
- I am sorry, they have tremendous what?
- I am thankful there are people out there with may too much free time on their hands.
- Perhaps all celebration music should be this great. Oh yeah, nice goal too.
- And, yes, we can not have a post about Jersey Shore without one or two shockingly accurate representations of what the show is all about.
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