Is Anyone Really All That Surprised?

Here is a direct quote from our "And Just Like That . . . " post, dated April 9, 2009: "[The Chief] will also, of course, recap what is inevitably going to be a debacle of an NFL draft for the Detroit Lions."

Do not get me wrong, I love . . . nay . . . LOVE to be right (just ask my family or, more importantly, my Better Half). However, believe you me, I would l-o, l-o, l-o, l-o-v-e to have been wrong about this one. Unfortunately, what transpired last Saturday and Sunday might well have been the most obvious thing in the history of obvious things. After all, what did William Clay Ford, Sr. do after he fired Matt Millen, arguably the worst GM in the history of sports? He replaced him with Martin Mayhew, Millen's right-hand man during his tenure. And people wonder why Ford Motor Company is in so much trouble?

Let me get this out of the way: I get why they drafted Matthew Stafford. I do not necessarily agree with the pick, but I get that the Lions did not want to be known as "The Team That Passed on Stafford" in the event he becomes a franchise quarterback. But being taken early in the first round has, historically, been a curse for quarterbacks. John Elway, Peyton Manning, Matt Ryan, those are the exception, not the rule. And answer me this, Mr. Ford: how can you be willing to pay a player $78-million over the next six years (with $41.7-million guaranteed) when he has taken the exact same number of snaps in the NFL as I have? [Do not get me wrong, I am a "rare" physical specimen and could have just as easily won as many games for the Lions as their quarterbacks did last year . . . but I digress] I have nothing against Matthew Stafford. For obvious reasons, I hope he turns out to be one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game. But would I have taken him with the first overall pick?

No way! Granted, the Lions have so many holes they could have drafted a player at any position and it would have helped them. But why go with quarterback when (1) everyone is saying Daunte Culpepper looked great at the mini-camp; (b) your track record with "skill position" players over the past ten years is by no means great; and (iii) you have no offensive line to block for him? Having a fit, healthy, and confident Culpepper means you have a very serviceable, if not, above-average quarterback in your system. Culpepper was at his best in Minnesota when he had the deep threat of Randy Moss to lob the ball to and you have that here in Calvin Johnson, the only skill position pick the Lions got right. Culpepper has had the entire offseason to learn the new offense and there is no reason to think he can not perform better this season than he did last. Now, if the Lions came out and said they were not going to start Stafford at all this season, I might feel better. But we know that is not going to happen when they are paying the kid that much money and they need to sell tickets (paging Joey Harrington).

Speaking of Joey Harrington, let us take a moment to look back at the Lions' first round picks since 2000 (when the Millen regime took over): 2000 - Stockar McDougle, OT (currently a free agent); 2001 - Jeff Backus, OT (has never missed a game in career, 128 consecutive starts); 2002 - Joey Harrington, QB (back-up for N.O. Saints, 4th team of career); 2003 - Charles Rogers, WR (15 games, 36 catches, 4 TDs over 3 seasons; no longer in league); 2004 - Roy Williams, WR (59 TDs over 4+ seasons; traded to Dallas), Kevin Jones, RB (now with Chicago, what to do with his old jersey . . .); 2005 - Mike Williams, WR (about what you would expect from a Trojan, no longer in league); 2006 - Ernie Sims, LB (has started all 48 games during 3-year career, 456 tackles, defensive captain); 2007 - Calvin Johnson, WR (stud); 2008 - Gosder Cherilus, OT (pronounced GOS-der, SHARE-uh-luss; started 13 games as a rookie and played in all 16).

As you run through that list, a pattern begins to emerge. With the exception of one "skill position" pick (Calvin Johnson), the best first-round picks made by the Lions have been on the offensive line or defense. Those picks remain a productive part of the team. So after an 0-16 season, why would you not want to play it safe and take a player that was guaranteed to make a difference? Jason Smith or Aaron Curry sure would have looked good in those "snazzy" new uniforms. But as I said before, I can at least see why they drafted Stafford. And why worry? The Lions still had another first round pick and, while most draft experts thought this was a weaker draft class in general, the draft was deep at offensive tackle and linebacker. So that is why it was a no-brainer for the Lions to take Brandon Pettigrew, a tight end, with the twentieth overall pick. Really? REALLY? I recorded the first day of the draft for THIS? Rest assured, the Lions did take an offensive tackle . . . in the SEVENTH round (only 228th overall). But do not worry, Mel Kiper wants us to know that Lydon Murtha has tremendous upside potential. Boy, I feel better knowing (1) Mel Kiper likes this pick, and (b) Murtha is blessed with tremendous upside potential.

Maybe I am missing something with the Pettigrew pick. Everyone is saying that he is the best blocking tight end to come out (a tight end coming out . . . hehehe) in the past five years. Maybe the Lions are planning on going with six lineman all season; interesting strategy.

Thankfully, because I had recorded the draft, I could fast forward through everything to get to the Lions second-round pick. With James Laurinaitis and Rey "I Really Don't Have to Want to Like a Trojan" Maualuga still on the board, the Lions were destined to pick the new anchor of their defense for years to come. That is, of course, why they picked Louis Delmas, the top safety in the draft. Okay, if Delmas proves to be the second coming of Bob Sanders, this pick will not bother me as much as, say, oh, I do not know, Brandon Pettigrew. Seriously, I almost threw my remote through the television.

In the end, the Lions' draft looked like this:
1st Round - Matthew Stafford, QB; Brandon Pettigrew, TE
2nd Round - Louis Delmas, S
3rd Round - DeAndre Levy, OLB; Derrick Williams, WR
4th Round - Sammy Lee Hill, DT
6th Round - Aaron Brown, RB
7th Round - Lydon Murtha, OT; Zach Follett, OLB; Dan Gronkowski, TE

You read that right. All those holes to fill and the Lions drafted a wide receiver in the third round and ANOTHER tight end in seventh round. I have done zero research on what I am about to say, but I am roughly 93.724% positive it is an accurate statement: the Lions are the first team to draft two (2) tight ends in the same draft. I will get my "research department" to look that up eventually.

Different year, same story with my Detroit Lions. It is hard to believe that twenty years ago the Lions took Barry Sanders in the first round. I know things can not get any worse, but I really thought the Lions might be ready to make a change for the better for once, to start moving in the right direction. I guarantee the Lions will win a game this season, but, looking at their schedule, that might not come until week eight against the St. Louis Rams. That means their losing streak could reach twenty-three games (Week 17 of 2007 season through Week 8 of 2009 season). Ouch. And if that happens, if the Lions start 0-3, 0-4, or 0-5, then you know we will see Stafford early on. And if that happens (is there an echo in here?), I guess we will see if Stafford is everything the management thinks he is, or if he will assume his place along side Joey Harrington as a promising young talent whose confidence was destroyed by an owner who could not afford to leave that much money holding a clipboard on the sideline.

Congrats to you William Clay Ford, Sr., Martin Mayhew, and Tim Lewand. You did what no one thought was possible. You drafted as if Matt Millen was still running the show, ensuring the Lions will fail to have a winning record for the ump-teenth consecutive season (or 9th, whatever) and will miss the playoffs for the tenth consecutive season. At least you are consistent.

While I try to find a sliver of hope somewhere in the Lions' 2009 draftees, I can not help but wonder if there is anyone out there who is happy the Lions selected Stafford first overall. Who am I kidding? Of course there is: Sam Bradford.

Site News

Dear Avid GameTime, TBD© Readers,

You know what the problem with being a pro bono blogger is? Sometimes your non-pro bono work gets in the way of your pro bono work. I am sorry to say that is the case this week. My non-pro bono job has been kicking my you-know-what this week and, unfortunately that leaves me with no time for new content and, more unfortunately, no time for your weekly Link Dump. I truly do apologize.

But, you know, it is probably for the best because, as I was driving into work this morning (in my hot Nissan Sentra . . . I'll probably cruise Downtown during my lunch break to pick up chicks . . . it's that hot, borderline on fire . . . nothing say hot like manual rear view mirrors . . . but I digress), Jay Glazer was on the DP Show breaking news that the Lions and Matthew Stafford had reached an agreement on the guaranteed money in his potential contract. He was not saying it was a done deal, but all signs point to Stafford being the number one overall pick tomorrow. That is just awesome; man, I am stoked. The Lions clearly have got their ship righted and are moving in the right direction. Oh, and this weekend I have a date with Marisa Miller.

Sorry, I am just a little frustrated by this news. But I do not want you to be left completely empty-handed on this Friday. So here is one link that should at least provide you with some entertainment this afternoon. We promise to back on track next week. Thanks for understanding.

Best regards,

The Chief

Working for the Weekend

Things have been buzzing around "the office" since the Chief announced his new plans for GameTime, TBD©. For starters, several drafts of his Kings' season review have been written, and each one gets nastier and nastier, but you will be shocked when you see who he is taking it out on.

Additionally, the Chief has already set up at least one meeting this weekend to talk "terms" with a possible guest contributor. A source close to the negotiations has informed us that multi-post guest run is all but done. Apparently the last sticking point revolves around the language of a "No Trade" clause and the possibility of an exclusivity clause. We hear that both sides are confident the deal will get done this weekend though. We anticipate this will be the first of many guest contributors.

Meanwhile, the actual office is awfully quiet today because it is the weekend of the executive retreat, which means there are exactly ZERO partners here today. Sure, an occasional call comes through asking for a quick response to a client, but for the most part, this is our snow day. In fact, I am going to cut this introduction short so I can go figure out where some of us are going to go for lunch (and by lunch, I mean the better part of the afternoon). Do not be jealous, I am sure you all have days like this too. No? Bummer.

Well, regardless, here are some things you might have missed:

• BAP: The wives and girlfriends (commonly known as WAGs) of soccer players are hot. Crowd Response: How hot are they? BAP: Glad you asked. [Editor's Note: May we recommend nos. 84, 61, 50, 48, 40, 38, 28, 9, 7, and the entire Top 5.]
• Seriously, what does he have that I do not? [Editor's Note: that's a rhetorical question people.]
• Cheerleading coach fired for doing the Lord's work. I am sure the parents had the best interest of the team at heart, and were not bitter because their children did not make the team, not at all.
  
• I thought boobs were supposed to be a part of Spring Break.
• I will give this one last try: Dear Detroit Lions, please take Aaron Curry with the first pick.
• Good to see USC is still producing those top-notch, classy athletes.
• Jack Plummer, high school football assistant-coach.
• It may be long, but this Todd Marinovich story is a must read.
• Whatca gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania goes all Pez dispenser on you?
• Surprise, surprise, the NCAA is not fond of something it does not own the rights to. Weird how that works.
• No, no Heath, tell me how you really feel.
• "The beer lines are slower because they insist on pouring it for you, but the only place you'll find a quicker ladies room is at a Rush concert -- I know from experience."
• That would have been one helluva team party.
• Alright people, you really let us down by not bringing this to our attention sooner.

I told the Chief that we should have saved some of last weeks videos for later, just in case, but he was too amped up and did not listen. So, be forewarned that this weeks selection of videos for your viewing enjoyment are not quite as epic. Good? Yes. Epic? You tell us:

• Now, why on Earth would Kanye be upset about this?
• Congratulations Jeff Schultz, you just made YouTube. [Editor's Note: do yourself a favor and keep your speakers off for this one, those guys are lame.]
• "Oh snap, epic Pwnage!"
• "She misses one more backhand and it will be twenty lashings. Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
• Wait, what did he just say?
• "All the same in the back of a dark van, my friend."
  
• Lindsay is single and ready to mingle.
  

Have a great weekend everyone!

We Love Religious Holidays

I am not the most religious person by any stretch of the imagination. I am mostly a "major holiday Christian", with a few extra Sundays thrown in here and there. In all honesty, I do wish I went a little more often and my Better Half and I have talked about searching out a church (the denomination of which is the subject of the usual GameTime/Mrs. GameTime debate) closer to our place. But our weekends are usually spent catching up on chores, other things that did not get done during the week, maybe some golf, and just generally being able to spend some time with each other. So, our search has really gotten much further than something "we've discussed".

However, do not think for one second that we will not take the opportunity to appreciate a religious holiday that falls on a weekday. Happy Good Friday everyone (and to our Jewish fans out there, Hag kasher vesame`ah). I know you do not really "celebrate" Good Friday (yay Crucifixion), but I appreciate that many companies out there respect those who wish to observe this holy day. So you can imagine how devastated I was when my firm sent around an email informing everyone that we would be closing shop early today. Aw, shucks. How will I ever survive? Well for starters, it means I have to keep this intro short because, believe it or not, I have actual work to finish before I leave (wait, what?). On a positive note, it does mean I will get to pick up my newly re-shafted 5-wood (long story short, it broke . . . don't ask questions) a few hours earlier than previously expected.

I hope all of you out there get the opportunity to start your weekend off a little sooner than normal as well. If you do (and even if you don't), here are some things you might have missed to help your already shorter day seem even shorter:

• The "Would You Rather" to end all "Would You Rathers". While you know where we stand, I think it is safe to say we are all winners here.
• Eighteen days left until the NFL draft and the Lions are already putting the NFL world on notice: we fully intend to suck, yet again.
• I knew that girl I just "friended" on Facebook was too good to be true.
  
• "But I don't want your life."
• No word yet on where ESPNU or Rivals.com had her listed in their rankings, but I am sure this only adds to another strong recruiting year for the Oregon Ducks.
• Something tells me Ms. Hinchman will not be cheering from the sidelines come next year.
• Turns out Bemidji State lost last night in the Frozen Four, but I am still posting this article because (1) I like when schools are willing to help other schools, (b) just look at the George Mason band director, and (iii) who does not like saying Bemidji?
• A baseball game (in Canada) without beer? Sounds exciting.
• "That's what she said."
• Who said you actually need to have a high school to win a high school basketball tournament? Clearly not ESPN.
• Alright France, we get it, you are still bitter about that whole "We saved you in World War II" thing. Move on already.
• I would lap up Dara Torres any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and then finish it off with a cold glass of milf . . . err . . . milk, definitely meant milk.

We struck video clip gold this week. Do yourself a favor: go pop yourself some popcorn (but under no circumstances should you burn said popcorn . . . there is nothing worse than the smell of burnt popcorn in an office), close your office door, sit back, relax, and let the good times roll:

• People are really starting to take shootout goals to the next level. We had not one, but two this week.
• Bodybuilding, a totally heterosexual activity . . . totally.
• Remember this commercial (wow, Michael, really?)? I guess this shot kind of belongs.
• You know your trick is going well when, by the time you leave the building, you are already off your bike.
• I was out at a bar the other night, and the weirdest thing happened. Roll the tape.
• Got two hundred seconds to spare? I promise it is worth it.
• E*Trade commercials get me every time, Shankopotamus.
• Diving board, FTW!

Have a great weekend everyone!

And Just Like That . . .

[Editor's Note: When I was Editor-in-Chief of the Loyola of Los Angeles Entertainment Law Review, I used to mock people who started things with a block quote . . . actually, a quote of any kind, I don't discriminate. So, I decided to use this handy Editor's Note to keep from having to mock myself. That's right, this comment adds nothing of substance to this post. Totally just wasted your time. You can thank me later. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.]

Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. . . [edited for content and length; this is, after all, a family-friendly environment] . . . He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in. He kills people that owe them money. And like that, *poof*, he's gone.

This time of year always reminds me of that classic monologue from The Usual Suspects. With the end of the NCAA tournament, comes the end of the greatest four-to-five month stretch of sports. Just. Like. That. Now, if, like me, you love golf, you still have The Masters to prolong the end of this rush, if for only a week. And, yes, if the Kings were not still rebuilding we would have at least a few more weeks of hockey to look forward to, instead of three days. But let us face the facts, for most mainstream sports fans, with North Carolina cutting down those nets on Monday night came the start of a long summer. Yes, I realize "America's Pastime" is only just beginning its season, but there are one hundred and sixty-two games in a baseball season, which means I have about ninety games to go before it starts to get even remotely interesting. I even joined a Fantasy Baseball league to see if that would help me enjoy the game more. You know what I learned? I am turrible at Fantasy Baseball. In fact, you might call me the Detroit Lions of Fantasy Baseball.

So, as the "dog days" of summer slowly creep closer and closer, I am sure more than a few of you are asking "How am I going survive?" Well, my dear friends, you have come to the right place yet again. This is exactly the reason why I first created GameTime, TBD©. For the more avid readers, you may recall a few weeks back we hinted at some new things to come over here in our little corner of this whole world wide web thing. So for those avid readers who have been waiting on pin and needles to know more, and for those of you who have stumbled upon GameTime, TBD© for the first time, here are some things you have to look forward to help you get through those warm summer days (or, for all of our southern hemisphere fans, those cold winter days):

• The Obvious: with hockey season coming to an end, you can expect the masterpiece that is The Chief's end-of-season review. He claims it is going to be epic . . . no, wait . . . EPIC! He will also, of course, recap what is inevitably going to be a debacle of an NFL draft for the Detroit Lions.
• The Not-So-Obvious: A wise man once said, "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal outright." So, we have decided to steal an idea from the "classic" Dodgeball. You see, there is nothing The Chief loves more than picking a random topic and researching it (that is hyperbole of course). As such, GameTime, TBD© is introducing an "Obscure Sports" segment. Every few weeks (read: whenever The Chief feels like researching a new topic), we will post about a sport that you may have heard of but actually know nothing about (cricket, the biathlon, lawn bowling, etc.), or may not have heard of at all (anybody down for a spirited game of bozkashi?), all for your entertainment. If you have a sport you think is worthy, do not be afraid to drop us a line.
  
• The Sexy: we have been told that increasing viewership is as simple as typing the letters E-R-I-N A-N-D-R-E-W-S. While simply drooling over Erin Andrews would make us just like every other sports blog (though clearly still more fantastically-awesome), it might not hurt to have a little extra "T&A" around these parts. Once, while my Better Half and some of her friends were trying to sell tickets to a Glee Club concert at our alma mater, I mentioned it would probably be easier if they just dressed a little more seductively and started making out because . . . you know this . . . sex sells. Although they did not follow my advice (at least for the purpose of selling tickets), maybe it is about time I do. So, while we vow to keep this dog and pony show classy, it is time we send for some reinforcements. Ever wonder who the final three ladies are in The Chief's "Celebrity 5" list? You will soon find out. And, yes, Erin Andrews name just might find its way into a few more posts.
• The New Folks: my Better Half's debut was very well received around these parts and, while she has promised to provide her insights again, that got us thinking . . . more guest correspondents. The Chief has a lot of friends who are (1) well educated, (b) well informed, and, most importantly, (iii) very sarcastic (that's usually what he looks for in people). He is currently in the process of extending invitations to those people he feels might enjoy the opportunity to speak their mind on topics consistent with the tone of GameTime, TBD©.
• The Scoop: thus far, GameTime, TBD© is one-for-one in its quest to break new and exciting sports news. While batting 1.000 is nice, and some might want to just go out on top (that's what she said . . . ba-ZING!), that is not our style. We will continue our quest to the first on the scene, before the news hits.
• The Usual: Rest assured that, just because it is the summer, athletes will not stop doing stupid things. We also know that Fridays during the summer are some of the hardest days to get through. So our weekly Link Dump will still be going strong, week in and week out.

We are really excited about where things are headed. As always, we thank our avid readers for their continued support. If you are new here, and like what you see, feel free to stick around. The door is always open.

Oh, and just for the record . . . Erin Andrews.

Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

Unless you live under a rock (in which case, you're probably not much of a GameTime, TBD© reader), you probably heard somewhere that John Calipari ditched Memphis for Kentucky (and Ashley Judd . . . nice). And to think that all it took was an eight-year, $31.65 million dollar contract, with a few extra perks (Ashley Judd? No? Bummer).

Now, you all know that the weekly Link Dump is usually reserved for the more, shall we say, "obscure" sports stories, but I had to take a moment to comment on this. That is because at some point during this past week, Calipari called Kentucky the "Notre Dame of basketball." Putting aside for a moment the fact that, last time I checked, Notre Dame had its own basketball team, who died and made Kentucky the "most storied" program in the history of college basketball (at least that's what I'm assuming Calipari meant when he made that comparison, not that he thought Kentucky was actually in South Bend, Indiana and was a Catholic private school . . . but hey, free throws don't matter either right Cal?). Those Kentucky apologists out there claim it is the program's history that makes then the greatest, so let us see what history tells us.

It is true that Kentucky has the most victories all-time (1,988), the most conference titles (49), the most NCAA tournament appearances (50), and the most tournament victories (100 . . . but wouldn't that naturally flow from having the most tournament appearances?) . However, the SEC has long been considered a football conference and only three SEC schools have won NCAA basketball titles (Kentucky has 7, Florida 2, Arkansas 1). Kentucky's thirteen Final Four appearances are only fourth best and their tournament winning percentage is only sixty-nine (hehe) percent. There are a few other programs, like UCLA, North Carolina, and Duke, that might think they are at the top, and they all have compelling arguments.

North Carolina, for example, is not too far behind Kentucky for most victories (1,982), is tied for the most Final Fours (18 . . . with UCLA), has won 33 ACC titles (a much more competitive conference), and appeared in the NCAA tournament a record twenty-seven straight years from 1975 to 2001. They have also won four NCAA titles and have won seventy-one percent of their tournament games (in 41 appearances). Conference rival Duke's resume does not look half-bad either. The Blue Devils have the fourth most victories (1,876), the third most Final Four appearances (14), and the highest NCAA tournament winning percentage (75% in 33 appearances). They have also won twenty-one ACC titles, three national titles, and have sat atop the AP rankings for 110 weeks, second only to UCLA's 148 weeks. Which, of course, brings us to UCLA. Yes, I know UCLA only has the eighth most victories (1,672), but it does have the most NCAA titles (11), is tied for the most Final Four appearances (18), and once had an amazing 88-game winning streak (which was, ironically enough, snapped by . . . Notre Dame). It has also won thirty conference titles in a much more competitive basketball conference (the Pac-10 has had five teams win national titles) and is second in NCAA tournament winning percentage (74% in 43 appearances). And UCLA even had to deal with the Steve Lavin era.

So John, why not let Notre Dame be the Notre Dame of college basketball, and you worry about your own backyard for a while. And while the folks here at GameTime, TBD© debate which program is the best, here are some things the rest of you might have missed:

• In non-sports related news, Offer "You Following Me Camera Guy?" Shlomi gives hooker the old Slap Chop. Sham, WOW!
• Close on the heels of the U.S. Pole Dancing Championships comes word of a war that I can definitely get behind.
• Finally, some sound advice for the Lions and what to do with the number one overall pick.
• With Cutler in Chicago now, here is a nice little history lesson on the Bears and quarterbacks.
• The best show you are not watching (and I'm not just saying that because it might have the hottest female ensemble since forever) will be back for at least two more seasons.
  
• Put all your money on Michigan St., immediately. [Editor's Note: not ACTUAL gambling advice]
• Come on guys, was your season so bad that you really had to start shooting your own?
• The Pittsburgh Pirates have to be feeling real good about their farm system right about now.
• Ah yes, it is the age-old question: when is it appropriate to change Rick to Dick?
• I see you are skilled in the ancient arts of manipulation and seduction.
• If I dated an underwear model, I would be "popping a second cork" too (ba-ZING!).
• It takes a real man to lay-up on a Par 3 (with a little appetizer for your viewing enjoyment).

Now that your appetite for viewing enjoyment has been properly wetted, let us move on to the main course. We have a fine selection of choices this week, including one rare clip that was thought lost forever:

• How did Guitar Hero commercials go from this to this?
• I would take 9 minutes out of my day for Norm McDonald's awesomely-uncomfortable (and surprisingly dated) monologue from the 1998 ESPY's any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
• A Brewers' fan is courageously keeping the world safe for bikini-clad sunbathing girls, one home run ball at a time.
• Dear Goalie, Today I own you. Very truly yours, Linus.
  
• Excuse me. Coming through. Got a package people!

Have a great weekend everyone!