Just wanted to give everyone a heads up that there will be no Link Dump this week. The Chief's firm's annual retreat is this weekend, so he has to be down in San Diego tomorrow morning. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Well, it is probably safe to say that we are toeing the line with our "family friendly" policy on that one. Oh well. If you are interested in more Marisa (and who isn't?), this site might be helpful.
Just a couple quick items of note before we head out. The Chief would be absolutely appalled if we left our avid readers (both male and female alike this time) with out some sort of entertainment for their Friday afternoons. So, here are some videos to help you out:
Also, remember a few weeks back when we told you all to go over to MLB.com and vote Manny Ramirez in as a starter for the All-Star Game? Well, apparently we were not the only ones who thought that would be funny and the idea is picking up some momentum. So remember to go and vote!
You may have noticed over the past few weeks a few Editor's Notes relating to the speed of the Internet around these parts. When we joke about the 14.4 or 28.8 modems being down and out, we do not necessarily feel like we are joking. There have been discussions around the actual office about bandwidth issues because people are leaving their Internet windows up all day (who on Earth would do such a thing?). Our "experienced" and "professional" IT department (if you can call one person a department), has assured the firm on countless occasions that there is plenty of bandwidth and that everyone else is the problem.
Now, I agree with him that everyone leaving an Internet window open all day will cause continuous traffic across whatever fiber lines they have running through here. But I spent enough summers working at Dad's company to know that a single browser window open on someone's computer should not take use back to the days when we anxiously waited to hear those precious, precious words: "You've got mail!" (YES!) Especially when I pass along the following tale . . .
So, while I check in with the guys who are already in Palm Springs to make sure we have enough sunscreen and beer to get us through the weekend, here are some things you might have missed to get your Memorial Day weekend off on the right foot:
It is Vancouver. What did you expect the Olympic torch to look like?
And in related news (related in a very loose sense of the word), coaches, athletes, and prostitutes (wait, what?) are all getting the necessary training for the Olympics.
Please, Roger Goodell is far too busy dealing with Michael Vick to worry about such trivial problems.
Hey look, Ryan Leaf is back in the news. For a second there, I was getting worried he had turned over a new leaf (See what I did there?).
Q: What do Callaway and Lance Armstrong have in common? A: Their ball doesn't conform to industry standards. (Editor's Note: great writers steal outright.)
Would you look at that, something exciting actually happened at a Royals' game.
No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to her illness (Editor's Note: too soon?).
No word on whether getting railed by MJ contributed to his illness (ba-ZING!).
You might think a six-page exposé on Professional Bull Riding is a little excessive, but then you get this: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement." God bless groupies.
I am sure this was all just one big misunderstanding.
So, I took Dad and Grandma to the Mets/Dodgers game Monday night. Yes, the one where the Mets committed five errors and the Dodgers still needed eleven innings to finish them off. I only bring it up now because it makes for a smooth transition to our video section. You see, Albert Clifford Slater threw out the first pitch of that game (if you could call it a throw). And while I do not know how that pitch will affect his scholarship to Iowa, it certainly does allow for a Saved by the Bell-themed video section:
No, I am not talking about bad body odor (though, I did work out this morning and may or may not have remembered to put on deodorant . . . just kidding . . . but seriously).
"Hello, I am your Uncle . . . your cool Uncle that is (not that there was any real competition). The Uncle who is going to teach you things Mom does not want you to know and Dad does not want to get in trouble for teaching you. Speaking of trouble, if you ever get in it (and, knowing your Mom, I'm sure you will), always blame me, even though we know it was probably your Dad's fault. He paid my runner $1,000 cash in an envelope so I would commit to this, so don't forget it. Years from now, you will realize you want to be exactly like me. Who would blame you? However, for your Mother's sake, let's just keep that between you and me."
Welcome to the world little man. Here are some things that happened during the week of your birth:
Greg Paulus's relationship with his center is about to get a whole lot more personal.
Right Darren, the first thing I noticed was that she is a professional volleyball player.
North Carolina A&T: currently the best team in college football.
I am sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Sam Keller was not drafted by anyone in the NFL.
Remember when hot Russians were supposed to start dominating women's tennis and then they did not? Looks like they have moved on to something else.
Jockeys will do anything to beat a drug test . . . yes, you read that correctly, jockeys.
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time my rugby team staged a group orgy . . .
It is a really exciting day around here, and I have actually been looking forward to the video portion of this week's Link Dump since Monday. Originally I was going to go with only one video because, well, it is THAT good. But because today is celebration, I have decided to celebrate with a few extras.
True story: two weeks ago, my office building put up a huge advertisement for the Dodgers with a picture of Manny Ramirez and the headline "Mannywood" on our parking garage. It is still there, but for how much longer is any one's guess.
I would like take this opportunity to dust off my soap box for a few minutes and wax poetic about recent events. The news of Manny's fifty-game, $7.6 million, suspension (I hope payroll checks never expire . . . see paragraph 3) broke yesterday morning. It took all of about 3.729 seconds for the sports commentators and bloggers of the world to begin the Manny-bashing parade, a parade that has at least continued on through the night and into this morning. It was not long before even life-long Red Sox apologist Bill Simmons was questioning the 2004 and 2007 World Championships his boys won. So, let me get this part out of the way. Am I disappointed by this recent development? Yes, I fell in love with "Manny being Manny" as much as every other Dodger fan. Do I believe he did not know what he was taking? Of course not, I am not dumb. But do I blame him for doing what he did? No way.
Everyone wants to say that the fans are the ones who are getting hurt the most by this. Give me a break. When fans go to a game, they want to see the long ball (I'm definitely in the minority of fans who love a good pitchers duel). The fans know what is going on in locker rooms and training facilities all over the world. You know who gets hurt the most by this? Barry Bonds (wait, what?). I was at the Oakland Coliseum for the last out of the 1994 season, as the players' strike began. That strike really hurt baseball, and it has never been same. When the strike was resolved, fans did not come back (the NHL should have taken notes). It was not until the Summer of 1998 that fans began returning; not until Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa began their "epic" chase to break the single-season home run record, which both would ultimately do. Nobody seemed to notice at the time that both McGwire and Sosa's uniforms were practically bursting at the seems. It did not matter, because baseball was fun again and two of its most likeable players had put it back on the map.
But everything was different for Bonds. Bonds had the type of personality that tended to rub people the wrong way (myself included). So when he broke the lovable Mark McGwire's record in 2001, all of the sudden we had to start questioning how he did it. And just like that, Bonds became the scapegoat for Major League Baseball. League officials and team owners turned a blind-eye for years because they were making money like never before. And rather than point the finger at themselves, they started a which hunt and pointed their fingers squarely at Bonds. It only got worse for Bonds as he approached, and ultimately broke, Hank Aaron's career home run record. And now the guy will never play in the big leagues again. Do not think for one second that I like Barry Bonds, I do not. But it is for reasons completely unrelated to his juicing. Major League Baseball got exactly what it deserved when Bonds broke Aaron's record, and it is getting what it deserves every time a big-name player tests positive for performance-enhancing drugs. And you want me to feel bad for the fans or for the game itself?
Give me a break. When Ramirez returns on July 3rd, he will be welcomed back with open arms. More scrutiny, yes, but open arms nonetheless; just like A-Rod tonight. Hell, Ramirez's name still appears on the All Star Game ballot. In fact, I want you all to join me in my quest to vote for Manny Ramirez so that he is selected as a starter, by the fans, for the game. How are you going to explain that one Mr. Selig?
Okay, enough of that, I am getting all fired up. While I try to calm down, here are some other things you might have missed:
Thirteen days to finish a marathon? You, sir, can take all the time you want.
Need some hitting advice? Go see this blind dude . . . wait, what?
Dear Mr. Bettman, We are broke. Love, The Coyotes.
"But I’ve never been as passionate as I am now. Before a game, I’m crazed, sending mass e-mails: ‘Please pray for Tony’s protection.’" Wow, that Tony Romo is one lucky dude.
I would say it has been a pretty good week, no? Well, it is about to get even better (at least in my opinion). We got some good stuff lined up for your weekly viewing enjoyment. I hope you enjoy:
[Editor's Note: the office's 28.8 dial-up modem is on the fritz this morning, so I apologize if there are any issues with this week's Link Dump. I have not been able to confirm whether are links are still active. Feel free to let me know if you come across a dead link.]
Did anyone else out there feel like this week was never going to end? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?
I do not know about you, but I thought Friday was never going to get here. So, when I woke up this morning to discover that it was, in deed, Friday, I was a little excited. Who am I kidding, I was a lot excited. And now I have all of you thinking "What does BAP have planned for the weekend?" We all have things that get us a little extra amped for the weekend, and this weekend is no exception.
Some of you out there probably have special plans for this evening. Others probably just want to celebrate the fact it is weekend. But I am amped up for a completely different reason. For starters, I am driving up to my parents tonight after work (crazy exciting, I know). The reason I am driving up is twofold: (1) I desperately need a haircut and, as a creature of habit, still go to the same stylist I have been going to since high school; and (b) I finally get to use my Boom Stick. Get your mind out of the gutter people. It is not like I am going to Senior Prom or anything. I got a new driver last weekend [2009 Taylor Made (You Hooked Up With a) Burner] and I am finally going to unleash the beast tomorrow late-morning/early-afternoon when I play a round of golf with Dad. Is it sad that I get this excited about a new golf club? Probably. But just remember, there is no better sport for sexual innuendos (in-her-end-OH?) than golf, and I know those last two sentences made you giggle just a little. No? Bummer. More importantly, I am just excited about the opportunity to spend some time with Dad. Do not get me wrong, I see my parents quite frequently, but there is something about being able to spend five hours with Coach.
So, while I am busy spending the afternoon thinking about driving my wood right down the fairway (ba-ZING), here are some things you might have missed:
Someone took the time to write the most amazing Lions draft recap ever . . . and that someone was me.
You would think there are better ways for Congress to spend its Friday.
Mike Leach wants you to know how feels . . . not once, but twice (bonus points if you can spot the irony).
With the Kentucky Derby going off this weekend, let us look back at some of the . . . err . . . "more memorable" horse names in Kentucky Derby history.
NBA to Ohio State blogging sensation Mark Titus (of Club Trillion fame): "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
A word of advice: if you are going to sleep with a teenager, it is best that you do not argue with your husband over it.
Like, cheerleading tryouts are, like, always so dramatic and stuff (sadly, my high school was no exception)
Enough of the petty high school drama, let us get to the important stuff. Do not think I am stupid; I know the real reason you stop by every Friday. It is the videos, and I do not blame you (and I hope you enjoyed the extra two are already threw in for you):
