Would You Rather . . .

[DISCLAIMER: I ran this by My Better Half before posting it]

Usually, when it has taken GameTime, TBD© a while to get some new original content up, I lead with an apology. Not this time. The truth of the matter is that I had been working on, what only can be described as, an epic post when two things dawned on me: (1) at one thousand words and counting the post was far too long; and (b) the topic is much more suited for the end of the National Hockey League season, not pre-All Star break. So, I copied and pasted what I had written into a word document and put it on the shelf for a period time. Thankfully, a new topic fell into my lap this morning.

For those of you of have been following my weekly "Link Dump" column, you way recall that last week I made reference to the "Would You Rather" desk calendar my soon-to-be Mother-in-Law gave me in my Christmas stocking. I flipped through it on Christmas and found that I enjoyed most of the ones I read, so I decided to bring it into my office so I could have a little entertainment first thing in the morning. What I did not realize, however, is how many of the days would make for interesting discussion topic, especially on GameTime, TBD©. I thought I would start with today's "Would You Rather" which reads:

Would you rather have sex with Eva Longoria OR have sex with Rachel Ray and have her cook for you each night? (Emphasis in original.)

My gut instinct was to go with Eva Longoria, but I thought there might be more to this. For starters, neither of these two ladies have made my "Celebrity 5" list (you know, the list of celebrities that, if the opportunity arose, you could hook up with and not have to suffer any adverse consequences from your significant other? My list is fairly exclusive and actually has only two people on it right now. I am sure you all know who they are by now, they are displayed prominently on my header. To this day, My Better Half claims Marisa Miller is naked in that picture and I have to remind her that GameTime, TBD© is a family friendly, sometimes PG-13, environment so I would never include a naked picture of someone . . . but I digress). This means that I do not really hold either of these women in high esteem. So, they would have to work for it. And now you see my dilemma: according to the language of the question, Rachel Ray IS willing to work for it. What to do?

When searching for the answer to important questions like this, there is only one place to start: Ask Jeeves. Having asked Jeeves the original question, his first response is that Eva Longoria is rumored to have a sex tape. Nice! Point, Longoria. But as it turns out, Jeeves does not actually answer questions, he is a search engine in disguise. Who knew? So, I must turn to the ultimate source of information, the all-knowing (and ALWAYS correct) Wikipedia. As it turns out Eva Longoria is on her second marriage (San Antonio point guard Tony Parker, a French dude) and her first husband was some soap opera star (who I'm sure can only be described as a tool); she has also been romantically linked to an ex-N'SYNC singer and an ex-N'SYNC back-up dancer (wow, a back-up dancer?). Rachel Ray, on the other hand, is still on her first marriage and, although there are rumors of a divorce, I appreciate that she has not been around the block and back again . . . at least publicly. Point, Ray.

In terms of hotness factor, there really is no debate. If you know me (and if you know My Better Half), you know I like petite women. Eva Longoria fits that description; she is small but, at the same time, does not look emaciated. Rachel Ray, although not large by any stretch of the imagination, has a set of shoulders that makes it look like she could be playing linebacker in the National Football League (and while I am here talking about manly features of women, I'd like to know why so many women want to have biceps bigger than men? Seriously ladies, not attractive. Stick to the toned look; the heads you turn will have more looks of lust than fear). And having reviewed both women's spread in men's magazines online (Longoria appeared in Maxim, Ray in FHM), it is safe to say that Eva Longoria has much better "assets" (Zing!). Point, Longoria.

But then we get back to the fact that Rachel Ray is willing to work for it; she will cook for me each night. I can only speculate that that would mean a gourmet meal seven nights per week. Now, most of you would think that this is a good thing (like My Better Half said in responding to the question, "I'd tolerate the sex with Rachel Ray because a girl's gotta eat"). Now, I would normally agree with that line of reasoning, but if you have been following my other life (yes, I know, I've been blog-cheating on all of you and I'm sorry), you know I am in the middle of an aggressive weight loss program. So, that being said, a gourmet meal every night is probably not the best for me right now. Sorry Rachel, but point, Longoria.

So there you have it, apparently I would rather have sex with Eva Longoria. Like my teachers always told me when taking a multiple choice test: trust your gut instinct, it is right more than it is wrong (I probably would have done better on the SAT and LSAT if I had). It also would have saved you all from having to read this, just like if the question had been "would you rather have Marc Crawford or Andy Murray as the Los Angeles Kings head coach?" That one is a no-brainer, Andy Murray any day of the week and twice on Sunday . . . just like Longoria and I. But she is still not on my list.