Some Things Never Change

This just in: the University of Southern California is playing THE Ohio State University tomorrow. Oh? You knew that already? Weird.

[Editor's Note: before I proceed, I should probably go ahead and remind everyone that, well, I hate USC, and I'm not that big of fan of ESPN either.]

There are some things in this world that will never change: the sky is always blue; the air conditioning in my office is always too cold, even for me; plaintiffs attorneys and defense attorneys will never get along; doctors and teachers on television will always be hotter than real doctors and teachers; and secretary sprawl syndrome will always negatively impact the life of many promising young women, just to name a few. So, a big college football match-up right around the corner, set for primetime on ABC, can only mean one thing: an ESPN media assault the likes of which have not been seen since the allied forces invaded Normandy. Ha, who am I kidding. It was only a month ago that ESPN became the Brett Favre channel; all Brett Favre, all the time. They attached Rachel Nichols to his hip: "Let's go to Rachel Nichols with a Brett Favre update." "Thanks John. I am here in Mississippi and I can confirm to you that Brett Favre just went to the bathroom. He finished his morning coffee about two hours ago, so he is right on schedule." Now that was insightful (side bar: turns out that Green Bay president Mark Murphy is not a big fan of ESPN management. So, throughout the whole Favre drama, he leaked false information to ESPN and told other media outlets the truth. While John Clayton and Chris Mortensen were reporting on the "latest developments", other outlets were reporting that Favre had been traded to the Jets; ESPN was the last to report the biggest story of the summer. Classic, but I digress).

It really was not a surprise to me, then, that the headline on ESPN.com for a great majority of the week was somehow related to the USC/OSU game (oh no, Beanie Wells is a game time decision . . . everybody panic), or that SportsCenter spent half it shows breaking down how the teams match-up by position (also highlighted in the match-up were the direction in which the grass at USC grows vs. the grass at OSU and the type of chalk the schools use to paint the field . . . okay, I made those two up, but would you have been surprised?). Throw in Tom Brady's knee injury and I think SportsCenter showed about three minutes of actual highlights . . . total . . . all week. Now, I do not have plans to watch much, if any of the game, but I am rooting for a blowout. With the amount of money the network has invested in this game, a blowout will ensure that by the second quarter the only people watching the game are in Columbus and Los Angeles, and, by the third quarter, only one of those cities will be left.

Since ESPN will never change how it covers sports (90% of its coverage dedicated to three or four topics), I encourage you to look elsewhere for your sports information. And since GameTime, TBD© will never change in its goal to help get you through your Friday afternoon, here are some things you might have missed (or did miss if you were watching ESPN):

• Here is the breakdown of the USC/OSU game that ESPN did not want you to see.
• Back in 2006, a store out here in Los Angeles offered free furniture if UCLA beat USC; and they did. This is almost as funny.
• Looking for some weekend entertainment in the Phoenix area? Unfortunately, it is time to cross "female applesauce wrestling" off your list options.
• Avid reader Nosh inquires: do you think this guy plays any sports? I have 23,000 reasons to think probably not.
• The headline says it all: The Most Valuable Player in Sport is . . . this Doctor.
• Romosexuals of the world rejoice, Tony is your Good Samaritan of the week.
• It is good to see that Terrell Owens has moved on from his issues with Philadelphia and Donovan McNabb.
• Chad not-so-Ocho Cinco.
• I am just going to throw out a random dollar value: $382.47. Hey, I think I could write for CNBC Sports.
• All good things (myself included) were created in England. So much for America's pastime.
• With Michael Phelps set to host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, here is a look at the 10 best performances by an athlete hosting SNL. [Bonus: with videos, and we're not even in the video section yet. Who loves you, baby?]
• Actual quote: "I heard that on the day of Bolt's 100 metres, no one here was killed. Even murder took a holiday for him." Is there anything the Olympics can not do?

The athletes who have hosted SNL are not the only athletes to show off the other talents they possess. For your weekly viewing enjoyment, we take a look at those other athletes of have sought different avenues to express themselves; some good, some not so good:

• Nobody puts Papelbon in a corner.
• My friends and I like joke that Greg Oden is actually the lead singer of a 50's Motown group Greg & The O'Dens (shoo bee do bee do wah, waHHHHHH).
• This Russian decided to mix his two talents, drinking vodka and high jumping, together. [Editor's Note: there are two different links there, each a different angle of the jump.]
• Okay, this video might not be an athlete showing off another talent, but Christopher Walken was "on" the Dan Patrick Show this morning, and he reminded me of my favorite music video of all time.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[Update: It turns out that Le Anne Schreiber feels the same way about ESPN as I do . . . and she works for them!]