Where Am I?

It has been a whirlwind of a week for the old BAP; I am still trying to get my head wrapped around everything. First, as you are all aware, earlier this week the Lions management finally pulled their heads out of their collective you-know-whats and showed Matt Millen the door. Now I am stuck trying to figure out what their next move is and how they might salvage some respect out of this season. But I have got to tell you, that is not the least of it. Last night, all hell broke loose.

The Dodgers lost last night, but still managed to clinch the division title and a playoff birth. National League West baseball, it is fantastic! Then, my bank was seized by the Feds and sold to J.P. Morgan. Now, I have an economics background, so I understand what is going on and that my money is safe. But when I got into my office this morning I overheard someone talking about how glad they were they closed their WaMu accounts last week. So then I had to explain to this person how, much to their surprise, they contributed to the Fed taking action last night. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, people, but if your bank is struggling, the worst thing you can do is close your accounts. Do you remember the Great Depression?

Speaking of Great Depression, memo to USC fans: make sure to get your tickets on the shady side of the Rose Bowl. I am not going to go out and say I saw this coming, but a buddy of mine from work is a die-hard Trojan fan and yesterday he and I both noted that Corvallis is a tough place to play (see, e.g., USC at Oregon St. circa 2006). I had stopped by the driving range on my way home from work and when I got back in my car, I heard something about 14-0 and assumed the Trojans were up. Imagine my elation when I turned on the game at home (much to the "joy" of My Better Half) just in time to see Oregon St. go up 21-0 right before halftime. Oh, you knew it was only a matter of time before the ESPN spin machine was going to start coming up with excuses. My favorite was, early in the fourth quarter with USC trailing 21-14, when Mark Sanchez avoided a rush but threw an incompletion. Craig James (ESPN commentator) followed by calling Sanchez's performance "gutsy" because he apparently has a bad leg and was not 100% healthy. I would appreciate it if ESPN would stop slobbering all over USC's "knob". Sanchez's performance was not gutsy. Oregon St. is a bad team. I have never taken a snap in a high school football game, let alone college, and I should have been able to lead USC to a victory . . .though, let's be honest, I probably would have thrown the game intentionally, having put my life savings on Oregon St. to win outright. Also of note, I had to watch the last five minutes of the game on my computer because our DVR can only record two shows at once, and with The Office and Grey's Anatomy premiering last night, we had to watch one (and by one, I obviously mean Grey's Anatomy as if I had a choice, because Armageddon would descend upon us if My Better Half was unable to text her friends throughout the entire two-hour episode).

And to top if off, this morning on my way to work, I saw a biker-chick driving a Harley in a pink Juicy Couture track suit . . . that was about two sizes too small. No one should have to endure that until they have at least gotten their morning coffee. So I am gonna go make an appointment to see Dr. Finklestein and I am gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about Mom for a while. In the meantime, here are some things you might have missed:

• Following up on last week's shocking developments, this Idaho cheerleader story has got some legs (bad pun absolutely intended) and I promise to stay on top of them . . . er . . . it.
  
• True story: one day in high school, we showed up to school to find ABC, NBC, CBS, and ESPN news vans at our campus. We thought it was cool until we discovered our wrestling team had an incident shockingly similar to this.
• With a net worth of $7.81 million, former Redskins quarterback Heath Shuler is the 35th richest congressman.
• It was only a matter of time before that big performance-enhancing drug scandal broke in the world of competitive walking . . . wait, what?
• The Glock 26 was an obvious choice because everyone knows that bringing a .22 to a pee wee soccer game would be suicide.
• Congratulations to Navy for getting the first Bowl Bid of the season; that is, the 2010 season.
• This is not sitting well with my buddies in Chicago.
• Chinese gymnastics team on track to finally be old enough to compete at 2012 Olympics in London.
• 7-Time Tour de France winner to join team of 2007 Tour de France winner. Clearly this is going to end well.
• Tattoos? Check. Mohawk? Check. Necklace made from your own finger? Check.

For your Friday afternoon viewing pleasure, and in honor of the networks premiering the new seasons of their shows over the next few weeks, I have decided to put together a collection of my favorite commercials of late. Oh, and I also had to throw in perhaps the greatest catch in the history of football:

• I am no physicist, but I am pretty sure this catch defies the laws of physics in some way, shape or form.
• Ironically enough, my friends and I acted the same way last weekend.
• On several occasions, I have been accused of having a man-crush on Peyton Manning. This probably will not help my cause.
• It is weird when you see your old home videos turned into a commercial. Man, I was smooth back then.

Have a great weekend everyone!