I believe the fine folks over at Deadspin put it best when the titled a post today "Detroit's Rod Marinelli Receives Least Surprising Firing Ever." I am going to get this out of the way up front: I am a Marinelli fan. The man coached the first ever 0-and-16 team in NFL history and not once this season did he try to make excuses. On top of that, he managed to get his team to come out and play hard every week. It might not have been pretty (what would you expect with the talent they had?), but they played hard . . . okay, will excuse the Tennessee and New Orleans games. Do I think Marinelli had to be fired? Yes. But that does not mean I do not think he is a decent coach who could have probably gotten some decent results with a team a little better off talent wise.
I am proud to say that I watched part, if not all, of every Lions game this season. I flew up to San Francisco to watch them live, I avoided sports scores the morning after my firm's Christmas party so I could watch their game against New Orleans (brutally hungover) taped delayed thanks to the wonder that is DVR, and kept delaying my family's second Christmas celebration so I could check up on their record-setting sixteenth loss to Green Bay yesterday. It did not matter how ugly it got, or how many times I had to tell my friends that one of their fantasy players was a good start because they were playing Lions, I was there to support the blue and silver. I know what you are saying to yourself right now, and yes I did once discuss how great it would be to see the Lions go winless. But here is the thing, I could not root for them to lose. Week-in and week-out, I still found myself rooting for them to win, trying to will them to victory. One-and-fifteen would have be infinitely better than 0-and-16. Just ask the 2007 Miami Dolphins.
1. Convince William Clay Ford He Should Stop Making Decisions - I believe Mitch Albom put it best in his Sunday column before the Lions' record-setting loss:
For decades [44 years to be exact], you have lorded over a franchise that has distinguished itself only through ineptitude. Blown chances. Stupid draft picks. The wrong coaches. Horrible general managers. We have tried to laugh it off. Shrug it off. Hope it off. But the fact is you had one player in the last 20 years anyone wanted to see, Barry Sanders, and he walked away from the game rather than continue working for you. Actually gave money back.
As is evident by Ford's moves on Monday, his decision making skills have not gotten any better. It is time that Ford realize owners are better off keeping their hands out of the day-to-day activities of a football organization, especially when their day job is falling apart at the same time.
2. Hire an Executive That Gets Football - More shocking than Ford's to decision to only fired Marinelli and four of eighteen assistant coaches yesterday, was his decision to remove the word interim from Martin Mayhew's title, making him the new General Manager of the Detroit Lions. Mayhew spent the last eight years as Matt Millen's assistant-General Manager and was only promoted to interim GM when Millen got canned three games into the season. With Mayhew calling the shots, I really do not see much changing next season. Mayhew was, after all, one of the "masterminds" behind the overwhelmingly successful XFL. If the team is not going to upgrade at the GM position, at least the Lions can hire an executive or "special consultant" that actually understands the game of football, much like the Dolphins did with Bill Parcells this past season. That seemed to work out pretty well for the Dolphins. Ironically enough, Parcells's services may become available once Huizenga's sale of the Dolphins is complete. I would not mind seeing Parcells working his magic in Detroit next season.
3. Hire a Head Coach With Experience - As I mentioned before, I liked Marinelli, I really did. But when you are trying to turn around a franchise, you need someone who has had success as a head coach in the past. I truly believe the Lions had that man in 2003 when they hired Steve Mariucci, but he was never given a fair shot because Millen was calling the shots. While I would love to see Mariucci brought back, I am pretty sure he does not want anything to do with the Lions (even if he is a Michigan native). That leaves several top candidates still available though. Brian Billick would be my top choice, and should be the Lions. Listening to Billick throughout this season (which he spent working for Fox as the BEST color commentator in the game), I realized this man has an incredible football mind. He had a great deal of success as the Ravens' head coach (including a Super Bowl victory), and I think an ideal candidate to change the mindset of the Lions' organization. Other people to consider would be the recently-axed Eric Mangini, Marty Schottenheimer, Bill Cowher (though he appears to be waiting until 2010 or heading back to the AFC), or even the previously mentioned Bill Parcells. While all of these candidates would have their work cut out for them, each one would instantly bring a winning attitude to an organization in desperate need of just that.
4. Hire Mike Nolan as Defensive Coordinator - This one's easy. Nolan was one of the architects behind the Baltimore Ravens defense. He was there during Billick's tenure and the two of them are said to have a good relationship and understand each other. Sure, he did not have much success as the 49ers head coach recently, but tell me this, how is that Baltimore defense doing? He wear a suit and tie along the Lions sideline anytime he wants, as long as its as DC and not Head Coach.
5. Hire an Offensive Coordinator that Understands Strengths and Weaknesses - I was never happy with the hiring of Jim Colletto as Offensive Coordinator, especially when he proclaimed the Lions would be a knock-down, drag-out run-oriented offense. It is like the man looked at our roster and said, "I don't think we can run the ball this year, let's make that the focus of our offense." This decision might have single-handedly caused our winless season. The run-first offense was working at the start of the season, this upset many of the players, including then-starter Jon Kitna. Kitna ends up getting in press war with some of the coaches and ends up on IR for the season. I know the running game improved later in the season and was actually what kept us close to winning a few games down the stretch, but our offensive line is bad and we had a rookie running back in the backfield. We need an OC who is better at recognizing his offense's strengths and weakness and will plan an offense accordingly. (Read: bring back Mike Martz).
6. Go With One of the Quarterbacks You Have - For the time being, the Lions are better off sticking with DaunteCulpepper or trying to patch things up with Jon Kitna. I say stick with Culpepper. His best years in Minnesota, not surprisingly, corresponded with the emergence of Randy Moss at wide receiver. Yes, I know Duante is a few years removed from total knee reconstruction and has lost a step or two, but he has an even better receiver in Calvin Johnson. With an entire offseason ahead of him (as opposed to the 6 days he got when he first signed in Detroit), Daunte will be much more comfortable with the Lions offense going into the season and will be in a better position to regain some of his old form. I know the Ravens and Falcons had success with a rookie quarterback this, but they are the exception, not the rule. Need I remind you of Joey Harrington? Which segues nicely to my next point . . .
7. Trade the #1 Overall Pick - The Lions have so many holes to fill right now, the answer is not going to be found at #1. Now, obviously the will need some of the big-name college stars to declare for the draft so that some other teams actually want the #1 overall pick, but that should happen. The Lions have two first round picks and five of the first eight-five picks in this years draft. If they are able to trade the #1 pick, the will move down in the first (still maintaining two first round picks) and pick up either a veteran that will help them or a sixth pick. That is a pretty good way to fill a lot of holes fast. Which, strangely enough, segues to my next point (unbelievable!) . . .
8. Do NOT Draft a Skill Position Player With Your First 5 Picks - That is right, avoid the quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers. You do not need them right now, and they are not going to help out the team as much as focusing on your offensive line, defensive line, linebackers, or secondary will. In fact, if you look at the roster, the Lions are already set at the skill positions with Calvin Johnson, Kevin Smith, and one of the previously mentioned QBs. So do not do it. Their most glaring weakness is on the defensive side of the ball, so at least three of the picks should be used there (I would go 4 defense, 1-2 offense if you trade the #1). And the Lions should also . . .
9. Focus on Non-Skill Position During Offseason - I really do not need to repeat what I just said above, only this one relates to the free agents they focus on signing during the offseason. Speaking of free agents . . .
10. Do NOT Overpay for One of the Big Name Free Agents - there are a lot of big name free agents available this offseason, especially on the defensive side of the ball. In order to convince any of them to come and play for Detroit, the Lions are going to have to offer a lot more money than other teams. Do not do it. It will hamper the teams ability to resign key players (Johnson) down the road and will also prevent them from filling as many holes as possible. I would much rather see the Lions fill two holes with above average players for the same price as filling one hole with a superstar (that's what she said . . . ba-ZING). Huge contracts never pan out in the long run; the player never performs up to expectations, you can not trade them because of the size of the contract, and you can not sign other players because of the salary cap. I know signing a superstar is the sexy choice, management will see it as a way to appease the fans after this awful season, but it is not the right thing to do in the long run.
Even though times are tough out there right now, we hope you all are able to enjoy the things to be thankful for. In case you are having a harder time than normal, here is a story from Rick Reilly to remind you that there are still great things going on out there, no matter what the media and our government is saying.
And for those of you still looking for the perfect gift to get that special someone for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday you might be celebrating, allow me to remind you of the greatest gift you could give:
Please, please, please have a happy, healthy, and safe holiday season. We will see you in 2009!
While I spend the rest of my afternoon searching for the perfect present, here are some things you might have missed to help get you through the rest of your Friday:
If only there was some place on this whole world wide web thing that had a complete collection of Marisa Miller photos . . .
There are some crimes that are so heinous, so unforgivable, that even I believe the death penalty is called for. Murdering a cheerleader? Check.
The Professional Cheerleader Blog (wow, the Internet really does have everything these days) would like you to know that the Chicago Luvabulls have been dominating the Miss Illinois USA pageant for the last couple of years.
With a name like Starr Spangler, I would have expected a different career path after her Dallas Cowboys cheerleading days came to an end (clearly I'm talking about singing our national anthem at sporting events . . . get your mind out of the gutter).
Gisele claims that size does not matter. Tom, is there something you would like to tell us?
Speaking of the Cowboys, T.O. is upset he did not get invited to the Romo-Witten slumber party.
Your team is 0-13 and you are tired of losing. Do you (1) suck it up and actually win a game, or (b) flick off the fans?
With the economy failing, the Big 3 about to go bankrupt, and increased tension in the Middle East, it is good to see Congressman Barton's head is in the right place.
Urban Meyer, tired of staring at Florida co-eds cheering on his team, admits his preference for catholic schoolgirls. Welcome to the club.
I do not know what "chutzpah" but means, but I am sure Senator Bunning is excited about being elected into its hall of fame.
Daly confuses fan's camera with one of his empty beer cans.
Barry Melrose, whose mullet was fired after only 16 games as head coach of the Tampa Bay Lightening, has moved on . . . clearly.
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that an NHLer's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not break multiple fingers in a freak snow blower accident.
Wow, three television/movie references in one Link Dump, that must be some new kind of record. Anyways, I have put together another excellent set of videos for your weekly viewing pleasure. I even intentionally went into the vault for a previously unused clip that goes well with Saturday Night Live's most recent gem of a digital short:
Just go ahead and let me know when we are back on the air. [warning: includes some strong language]
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of NFL defenders cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced by the realization that there is a second Barry Sanders. [That makes four!]
When I first saw this, I thought someone had videotaped my first year of law school with my buddy DJ.
Stepped outside, into the rain, looked at my phone, saw you rang . . .
I always thought it was nice that the Joker took the time to remind Lieutenant Eckhardt it is important to think to about the future. Of course, he followed up the advice with an immediate gun shot to the chest, so there was not a lot of time for Eckhardt to actually think about said future. But still, there is a lot to be said about planning for the future, so it was good advice nonetheless. In today's society, a society that strives on instant gratification, we often forget about the importance of looking towards the future. From time-to-time, I can be as guilty of this as the next person, and that is after four years of economic classes that pounded the importance of long-term planning down my throat.
Of course not all long-term planning is planning for the rest of your life. "Long-term" is a very subjective phrase. Long-term planning can be anywhere from a few hours, a few days, to many years (as with my career). My good friend Barney Stinson, for example, is a man who always seeks to accomplish his short-term goal (finding an attractive woman to hook up with) with his long-term plan in mind (how to escape in the morning undetected and without fear of future concentration). Barney's conquests are, in a word . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . legendary. His long-term planning may only be for ten to twelve hours in advance, but by making those necessary plans, he executes his game plan with near perfection.
But here is the best part about long-term planning: if you establish clear, reasonable goals and make smart decision with those goals in mind, it is possible to achieve what you thought might take many years much sooner. And that, my friends, is where we find the 2008-2009 Los Angeles Kings. Clearly, this young team still has a long way to go (as evidenced by Tuesday night's 6-1 drubbing at the hands of the Colorado Avalanche), but they have come along way already.
You may recall back in early October, I boldly predicted that the Kings would be contenders for a playoff spot late into the season but would ultimately fall short. What was I thinking? I am here today to amend that prediction: the Los Angeles Kings will be the eighth seed in western conference come playoff time. I know the Kings are currently one game under .500 (11-12-4 . . . personally I count that as 5 games under .500, they are overtime loses after all . . . but that's not the lingo of the league), and currently sitting eleventh in the west, so please allow me to explain.
The early months of Murray II's reign have been nothing short of fantastic. He has managed to convince this younger team that the key to winning is not just scoring a lot of goals, but playing defense in all three zones of the rink. As a result, the Kings rank among the league leaders in shots against per game and penalty killing, an area of their game that was abysmal over the past two season. Murray II is so confident in his young team, he managed to beat me to punch, calling his team a playoff team a full five days before I did so here today.
Everything has not as well as I predicted back in October. Jason LaBarbara struggled in his first ten games as the number one goaltender, and Brian Boyle was sent back down to the Monarchs to develop his game more. Thankfully, Erik Ersbery, last season's late surprise has risen to the challenge and established himself as the Kings' clear number one goaltender. And Boyle's time with the big club was not terrible, he just needs to learn to use his huge six foot six inch frame to his advantage. I am confident he will get a call up soon and will show that his numbers from the last month of last season were no fluke. While the Kings are certainly not lighting the lamp at a record pace, the return of Boyle's offense would only be an added bonus. Frolov continues to show prove that he is a 35 to 40 goal scorer, regardless of what the "experts" say, and Brown is on pace to set career highs in all categories for the fourth straight season. Kopitar just continues to do what Kopitar does (that is, of course, leading the team in scoring) and O'Sullivan has shaken off his slow start and is starting to regain his 2007-2008 scoring form (missing training camp during a holdout doesn't help). And I have to mention Kyle Quincey, a defenseman claimed off of waivers from the Detroit Red Wings. He has added much-needed depth to the defense, proving to be a top-four NHL defender, and brought some offensive punch to the blue line (leads the team in assists).
But the Kings' all-star for the first third of the season has got to be rookie defenseman Drew Doughty. Doughty, you may recall, was the Kings' first round pick (2nd overall) in the 2008 draft. He turned nineteen (you read that right, 19) two days ago. All he has done over the first 28 games is lead the Kings in average time on ice, play a solid two-way game, play significant roles on the power play AND penalty kill, and has put up a respectable ten points (3 goals, 7 assists). Did I mention this kid was only nineteen? It is crazy to think that he is only going to get better as the season goes on and the scoring touch he showed in the juniors will come around.
A real man is able to admit his mistakes and must I do that now. I wanted Dean Lombardi to take offense with the number two overall pick. I thought we needed someone who could make an instant impact, and I did not think a young defenseman could do that in the NHL. I thought the transition from juniors to the big league was much easier for an offensive player. Well, apparently there is a reason DL's master plan is working, and I am here blogging about it. DL has stuck to his rebuilding plan, never wavered, stared down angry season ticket holders, and put together an amazing group of young, talented players. He asked the fans to be patient for three to five years, and most were patient for one. Well, here we are, three years into DL's plan, and the future is nothing but bright for my favorite franchise. DL though in the long-term, put together a plan, made all his short-term decisions based on that plan, and we are now beginning to see the results of his plan sooner than we anticipated.
Do you think Lombardi knows anything about professional football? I know of an NFL team that is in need of some solid long-term advice . . .
But let us talk about someone who is lucky: my Dad. When Dad's number shows up on my caller ID at work, the conversation is usually going to involve one of three things: (1) whether I will be attending whatever sporting event it is he has tickets for, (b) I probably owe him some money for something, or (iii) I will never guess who he just met. Well, his name showed up on my cell's caller ID on Wednesday afternoon, and it was a category (iii) conversation. Now, you have to realize that my dad has flown well over five million miles in his career . . . and he is not a pilot. So most of his chance encounters with the rich and famous occur on airplanes. And Dad is the type of person who will recognize someone famous, but can not tell you who they are or why they are famous. Most famously, he sat across the aisle from Cindy Crawford on a flight, and it was my mom, of all people, who had to point this out to him. So when Dad said "BAP, you'll never guess who sat next to me on my flight to Austin (Austin . . . Austin, Massachusetts?)", it meant that he recognized the person and, therefore, the famous person must be sports-related.
Dad spent the 4-hour flight from Los Angeles to Austin breaking down game film and having a general discussion about life with Ben Howland. That is right, THE Ben Howland; the same Ben Howland that has coached UCLA to back-to-back-to-back Final Fours; the guy that has brought the magic back to Westwood (wait a sec, maybe I should be blaming Dad for UCLA's loss last night . . . maybe he was giving bad advice, or he distracted Howland from doing his job . . . nah, that's just silly). While poor Alfred Aboya was cramming his legs into his coach seat, Ben and Dad were talking about commutes, property values, and why Ben was concerned with the tough match-up Texas posed at almost every position in first class; I mean, he got to share a meal with this man! I mean, sure, I once flew on the same airplane as Andy Murray, and when I was in sixth grade, Tupac sat in front of me on a flight to Florida (and one of his bodyguards sat next to me . . . that was a treat). But it was not like I could spend the whole trip talking hockey with Murray (we were about 15 rows apart and he had, of course, just been fired by the Kings) and at the age of twelve, I was not a big rap fan, so I did not even know it was Tupac until I heard the stewardess (they're called flight attendants now) say his name. Dad, on the other hand, now gets to say that he has studied game film with one of the greatest game planners in the game.
Some people, like Dad, have all the luck. So, while I figure out a way to get Dad to Vegas (gotta strike while the irons hot), here are some things you might have missed to help you get through the rest of your week:
I forgot to record the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on Wednesday night, but I was not too concerned because I knew some perv would provide us with a Power Rankings of the models by Thursday morning. I was, of course, 100% correct in this assumption (though, I don't know if I can trust a guy who finds 11 VS models hotter than Miranda Kerr . . . at least his Top 5 is spot on).
Speaking of Victoria's Secret models, the people at Rumors and Rants would like to remind us that Marko Jaric has clearly out kicked his coverage.
And since we are talking about attractive women, a Hamburg soccer star intentionally disqualified himself from an upcoming match to attend his wife's 30th birthday. I would say he had two pretty large . . . . er, I mean . . . good reasons why.
Usually an attractive female athlete is all it takes to get me interested in an article (hey, you too? Weird). But when you add talk of free cows . . .
I have not figured out how, but I am sure the inadvertent whistle can somehow be blamed on Ed Hochuli.
Parents sue school after their daughters are kicked off of cheerleading squad for being awesome . . . no, actually, they are suing the school because they suck as parents. These articles frustrate me to no end.
In 2004, Michael Vick signed a $130 million contract with the Atlanta Falcons. So, how than is he bankrupt?
Rod Marinelli guarantees at least one win this season for my Detroit Lions. His motivating tool? The 2008-2009 team photo.
The most amazingly-awesome (awesomely-amazing?) hunting story you may ever read. It is about time the animals start fighting back.
For some stories, the witty tag lines write themselves. For others, like this one, a witty tag line could not be further from my mind.
It was quite a week for ridiculously entertaining videos. I have a reserve of unused clips that appreciate weeks like this because they remain unused, waiting for the right moment to be unveiled. I was even able to add a few clips to the bank, saved for a rainy day, because I was able to put together this cornucopia of entertaining (and perhaps slightly disturbing) clips for your viewing pleasure:
Kenny Mayne, perhaps one of two enjoyable hosts remaining at the Evil Empire, has his own webisode series called Mayne Street. If you have not seen any, this one is sure to get you hooked.
The scene: SUNY Geneseo (that's State University New York, at Geneseo) hosting SUNY Oswego (that's State University . . . eh, you get the point) in a powerhouse Division III matchup. Geneseo (in white) trails by two with 10 seconds left. Take it away boys . . .
Apparently, this is the perfect holiday gift for all your co-workers. [Bonus: for an extra laugh, clicked on the related video of Ellen.]
Well, as I mentally prepare myself for the tomorrows food-a-thon (somehow, I got put in charge of bringing vegetables and dip to snack on . . . thus, implying that some one might actually eat vegetables on Thanksgiving), and as I look back on the year that was, I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. For example, both my Sister and Sister-in-Law recently announced that they are expecting (they, didn't clarify exactly what they were expecting, but they seemed to know exactly when they were expecting it . . . when are women going to learn that they need to be more specific?). My Sister is expecting whatever it is she is expecting sometime around May 12, 2009, which, in turn, resulted in the following conversation with my Brother-in-Law:
Me: So, May 12th, eh? [Every now and then I reach out to my non-existent Canadian roots.] BIL: Yeah, pretty exciting. Me: Well, what are you going to do when the Sharks are playing in the Stanley Cup finals? BIL: I figure I really only have to be there for the actual delivery, so I'm not too concerned about it. Me: Good point. BIL: Plus, unless the NHL decides to give the Sharks a bye all the way to the Western Conference finals, I won't have to worry about them playing past the 2nd round. Me: At least your team gets to play in the 2nd round.
Obviously, my Sister was not very pleased with this conversation, even if we were joking. But that is just how our minds work. You give us a date and we can come up with a reason why some sports-related event might get in the way; I am not proud of this, it is just how our minds work. It is a curse.
I am also thankful for all the support all of you, my avid readers, continue to give. Since we only have a three-day work week, there will not be a Link Dump this week. But that does not mean that those of you who are not traveling today do not need a little entertainment to help get you through your (un)productive Wednesday (that's a whole lot of negatives . . . I'm not sure I even understand what I just said). And believe-you-me, entertainment is what I have for you. It may only be one video, but I believe I may have stumbled upon something that is the video equivalent to pure gold. My Better Half was having a rough day yesterday, so I showed her a sneak preview. After watching, she asked me two questions: (1) were all athletes of the 1980s homosexuals? and (b) how did I become such a die-hard sports fan if I had to deal with things like this? I, naturally, responded: (1) Dude, it was THE 80s! (speaking of the 80s, haven't you always wondered what the end of The Shawshank Redemption would be like set to an 80s-style montage?) and (b) we did not have YouTube back then.
So, without further adieu, I present to you five minutes and fifty-seven seconds of uninterrupted sexual innuendo brought you by the artist-formerly-known-as the Los Angeles Rams.
Good luck getting this one out of your head for the rest of the day!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Talk to you next week.
Most people out there think that the day law students dread most is the start of their state's Bar Exam; but they would be wrong. The day law students dread most is, at least in California, today: Bar Exam results day. In just a mere six hours, California Bar Exam takers will overflow the state bar's website with traffic as they anxiously type in their name and exam code. What awaits them is one of two screens: (1) This name does appear on the July 2008 pass list; or (b) This name does not appear on the July 2008 pass list. Bad grammar aside, one word is all you need to look for. Considering the fact that most people are three . . . neh, seven . . . sheets to the wind by the time they are check their score, that one word is hard to spot. Throw in the fact that at least one person you know is going to think they failed because they mistyped their number, and you have the makings for one crazy 30-minute period.
I enjoy days like today. Not because I am a sick and sadistic person who likes to watch his friends suffer through the last hours of waiting (you can't imagine how it feels counting down to results first in months, then weeks, then days, and, finally, hours . . . I know more than a few people who teetered on the brink of insanity). Rather, I enjoy it because it allows me to think back to the day I got my results. A good friend, and law school classmate, was getting married in New Jersey the weekend bar results came out for me. My Better Half (who had a harder time dealing with the wait than I did) and I flew out to visit some other friends on Thursday, and spent all of Friday wandering the streets of New York City while my friends were at work. Since I was back east, results would not be posted until 9:00 pm, which means I had plenty of time to jump right past seven sheets, ultimately hitting about twenty-two sheets by the time 9:00 pm rolled around.
So there I was, at an Italian restaurant waiting for a mafia don to get knocked off, having drinks (oh, and some dinner) with my Better Half and friends when the clock struck nine. I calmly explained to my friends that there was no rush, I would check when we got back to their place, we should all just enjoy dinner (which, I should mention, my Better Half was not doing). One of my friends offered up their Treo as a way for me to check and, while I first declined, the twenty-seventh adult beverage I had consumed (it's always the 27th that jumps up and bites you) seized control of my brain and I agreed to check right there, in the restaurant, in front of my four friends, my Better Half, and approximately seventy-five strangers. Needless to say, I passed. It took me a while to realize the screen had switched to the results, I my ability to read was at about a sophomore level, but with the help of my Better Half I was able to confirm that my name did, in fact, appear on the July 2006 pass list.
So, while my friends are anxiously watching the clock tick closer to 6:00 pm, and while you all are anxiously watching the clock tick closer to Happy Hour, here are some things you might have missed:
It was only a matter of time before people started comparing the the 2008 Lions to the the 1976 Buccaneers.
Come for the headline, stay for the article (or don't, your choice).
I can not decided what is worse, the fact that there is a Paternoville Coordination Committee or that said Committee thinks (drunk) college kids are going to be affected by sub-freezing temperatures.
At some point you have got to ask yourself, exactly how badly do I need this thirty dollars?
The Fresh Prince used to live right down the street from my high school but he never showed up for a pep rally. Hmm, must be the magical power of Tony Romo.
Speaking of Romo, I think Cowboys fans are going to start questioning his decision making capabilities after he chose to spend two hours in a dark room with a homeless guy instead of Jessica Simpson.
Eri Yoshida wants to follow in the footsteps of the "great" knuckleballer Tim Wakefield . . . with only a few minor differences (ironically enough, winning not one of them).
As for your weekly viewing pleasure, we have a nice selection of videos, several of which help show just how I felt after UCLA lost to Michigan last night:
Here is a tip, maybe you should not stand so close to the sideline on a throw in.
Working out the BCS rankings for Week 3 and Week 4.
For my male readers (and female readers who might swing that way), a look at why the Denver Nuggets' off-the-court entertainment is more enjoyable than the entertainment on the court.
Oh, the joys of a father who desperately wanted a son, but got a daughter.
I am sorry there was no Link Dump last week. As you may recall, I was shipped off to Jackson, Mississippi for a week of trial monitoring. I thought I was going to have the opportunity to still get around to it on Thursday night for an early Friday posting. Unfortunately, the trial took up more hours of the day than I anticipated and, as a result, the reports I had to write every night took much longer than normal. Word on the street is that the judge has tickets to Monday night's Saints/Packers game in New Orleans and wants to have the trial done by this Friday so he can just blow off all of next week in New Orleans [I hope he realizes that Mardi Gras isn't until February and that most of the Tulane college girls will be headed home for Thanksgiving. I mean, I've been to New Orleans, at it wasn't during Mardi Gras. If you're familiar with the Toy/Summers Scale of Doability (a scientifically-verified ratings system that cuts to the heart of it: the girl is doable, a 1, or not, a 0), you might be surprised to learn that New Orleans has one of the highest densities of 0's I have ever seen, and I had one of the creators of this innovative system with me to verify the results . . . but I digress].
5. The KKK? Really? - Nothing says welcome to Jackson like a news report that the police are investigating a murder that they believe to be a Klan initiation gone wrong. I guess I must be naive because I had no clue the Klan was still in existence. Nor did I realize that they were in the business of killing people that thought they wanted to join but then changed their mind and tried to back out at the last minute. I really thought that whole white supremacist thing was about dealing with a different "problem". And I will spare you the details of how the murder went down because, based on the radio report, it was not pretty. And the police had a list of known Klan members that they believed to be the culprits. It is weird to think that, just two weeks ago, people were celebrating the election of a half-black man as our 44th President. Apparently we still have a long way to go.
4. Z106.7 FM - In the Los Angeles area, 106.7 on your FM dial is the World Famous KROQ, a station that plays a combination of rock and alt. rock music (or at least that's what I remember, I haven't listened to FM radio in about 3 years; I'm all sports talk all the time). In Jackson, 106.7 on the FM dial is Z106.7 - Jackson's Classic Rock, which, as it turns out, is the greatest classic rock station in the history of classic rock stations. Had I been able to find Dan Patrick on the AM dial, or any sports station that got reception 10 miles outside of Jackson for that matter, I probably never would have discovered the "greatness" of this station. First, I have to admit they played the greatest mix of classic rock songs all day, every day. The "greatest", however, comes from their on-air personalities. The morning show, "John Boy & Billy" (or, as I liked to say to myself, "John Boy, Really?"), is pretty much two stereotypical southerners doing things southerns do (I guess): playing the "$100,000 Pyramid" with words and phrases relating to hunting, getting excited about a new camouflage hat (like "I want to know this hat in the biblical sense" excited), and talking about their own personal brand of BBQ sauce. More importantly, their afternoon DJ openly discussed the fact that he was drunk and he had "Free Beer Friday", which was answer a trivia question related to music and win yourself a free case of Budweiser (naturally). I strongly recommend you check out their website and have yourself a listen. You will thank me later.
3. Blues 930 - I had barely settled into my hotel room, and barely paid my $9.95 for Internet service, when Agman dropped me a line inquiring: "Are you really in Jackson, MS?" My natural response was, of course, why would I lie about being in Jackson, Mississippi and he agreed that that was a fair point. Well, after spending a few minutes discussing the merits of an honor bar system in my hotel's concierge lounge (honor, of course, being inversely proportional to the quantity of bar one has enjoyed), he proceeded to inform me about a little place called Blues 930. What was described by Agman as "a shady place" was everything you could possibly expect, and more, because I had failed to read the rest of Agman's description: "in a house". There is nothing like telling your cabbie where you want to go, only to be left at a house, in a neighborhood, in a city that you have never been to before. This is one of those places where people know you are not from around town the moment your foot first squeaks the floor boards. I felt like an unwanted cowboy entering a saloon and waited for the music to abruptly cut off; thankfully it did not. Since I have full faith in Agman I figured I was in for a good time and, once again, he did not disappoint. There is no denying this place is shady (you are, after all, in someones house), and it was quite clear that they do not get a lot of visitors from Los Angeles, but it was bumping with quite a crowd and great blues music . . . on a Tuesday night. Go figure.
2. Vicksburg National Military Park - With court being dark on Tuesday because of Veteran's Day, I decide to take my trusty Ford Focus rental car (with dead turn signal, low tire pressure, and all) and make the 35-minute drive to the Mississippi/Louisiana border and the site of one of the two most important campaigns of the American Civil War. By now, you all know what a history freak I am, so you can probably only imagine how great this was for me. Your tour begins with a short video in the Visitors' Center and then you are off on a 16-mile drive through the battlefields of Vicksburg. I chose to do the tour on my own, with nothing but a park map, my camera, and an umbrella (it was, after all, pouring rain . . . like I said, history FREAK). Throughout the park there artillery and battery placements set up as where they were during Grant's 6-week siege of this Confederate stronghold (which Lincoln called the key to the war) with placards to give you an overview of the action. There are also beautiful monuments dedicated to each state, Union and Confederate, that participated in the campaign, as well as hundreds of statues and busts of the various military leaders (including Lincoln and Davis). It really is a site to be seen. I feel truly privileged to be able to say that I have now visited both of the sites of the two most important military campaigns of the Civil War, the two campaigns that ended up holding this great nation together.
1. Country Catfish and Steakhouse - The great thing about traveling for work is that your food budget is greater than what you might normally pay for food, so you can take some liberties with where you eat. So when I was looking for someplace to eat during the court's lunch break that did not have a drive-through window, my attention was drawn to the large sign and crowded parking lot of the Country Catfish and Steakhouse. Well, as it turns out, this is not really like other steakhouses that we Californians might be used. In fact, I am like 94.736% positive that they do not even serve steak at this here "steakhouse". Oh no, my dear readers, it is much better than that. We are talking buffet, and not just any buffet, but a buffet that serves food that can only be prepared in (1) a casserole dish or (b) a deep fryer. Translation: Heaven. On. Earth. Now, my Sister and my Better Half probably would not be caught dead in a place like the Country Catfish and Steakhouse, but I sure wish my Brother-in-Law had been there to share in the joy with me. For $9.62 (tax included) I had unlimited Diet Coke (a must when monitoring a trial) and an endless supply of macaroni and cheese, peas, corn, gravy, stuffing, fried chicken, fried catfish, and the ever popular fried I-don't-know-what-this-is-but-it-is-fried-so-I'll-try-it-anyway. Nothing says goodnight like a lunch at "The Catfish" and then an afternoon of listening to expert testimony about manganese exposure and the affect it has on the human brain. Ah, Country Catfish and Steakhouse, now that I have met you my life will never be the same (mostly because my stomach has lost the ability to properly digest food and I probably took about 5 years off my life expectancy).
So, as you can see, it turns out that Jackson is not as bad as one might have expected. In fact, I bet you are looking at your calendar right now trying to figure out when you have some time to schedule your vacation to Jackson. Of course, you are probably thinking about Jackson Hole, Wyoming and, well, I do not blame you.
I know, I know, I have totally bummed you out and made you crazy jealous of the amazing week I have ahead of me. But I am sure that you all have some pretty exciting things lined up. So here are some things you might have missed to help you pass the time until your rockin' weekend begins:
I will give you 100 guesses as to why Florida State safety Myron Rolle is going to miss the Seminoles' November 22nd game at Maryland, and then 100 more.
Oregon baseball jerseys now as ugly as football jerseys (but at least their cheerleaders are still hot).
Ryan Leaf back in the news for being . . . well . . . Ryan Leaf.
Florida alum goes gator on her husband . . . shockingly, alcohol may have been involved.
And for your view pleasure, we break the vault wide open; we have got a little something for everyone (if by "a little something" you mean "hot chicks" and "everyone" you mean "the dudes"). But ladies, do not fear, I have got your back as well:
Heidi Klum (twice in one post, nice) gives Guitar Hero: World Tour the Risky Business treatment; and here is the Director's Cut (when did commercials start needing Director's . . . oh, I see . . . carry on).
It was only a matter of time before cheerleading and the Nintendo Wii joined forces. And may I add that Natalie is quite . . . um . . . insightful with her review.
While this is an amazing catch, the real question is: why does this high school have three different camera angles?
The secrets of the BCS have finally been revealed. Let us see how they worked out Week 1 and Week 2.
Now, I am not about to try to convince you to vote for one candidate over the other; it is not my place to do so. Rather, this is just a general discussion about some frustrations I have with the current state of our political system. If you want to have a discussion about who I voted for (in keeping with my tradition of full faith and disclosure, it was McCain), feel free to drop me a line or give me a call and we will do lunch. I am more than willing to discuss my reasoning with you. I am not, however, about to use this site as a soapbox for views about the candidates. I am already risking enough negative comments just by stating who I voted for. If I were to go into a full-fledged point/counter-point, who knows what names I would be called. But if you do want to discuss things with me, make sure you are a prepared, after all I have spent the better part of the past six months having nightly debates with my Better Half, which segues nicely to my first point (isn't nice how it worked out like that?).
I have no problem with people who agree or disagree with me on voting for one candidate over the other. We are all entitled to our own opinions and I will never fault you or think less of you as a person simply because we do not agree. Your right to your own opinion goes beyond our Constitution. Is our right to our own opinion not one of the very foundations by which we asserted our independence from Britain? "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." As my buddy Barnes put it yesterday, "ain't no thang" if you agree or disagree with me over the issues. So if you want to talk about the election, let us talk about the issues, and not the other things. I feel bad for people who are not voting for Obama simply because he is black and/or think he is a Muslim, or the people who do not think a woman is cut out to be Vice President. Even the discussion of "The Bradley Effect" playing a role in today's election makes me sick. How have we, as a nation, not moved past these things already? How is it that we still judge people by their race, gender, or religious beliefs (and when did I become such an idealist? Man, the Republican party is going to revoke my privileges)? So I will talk to you about the issues, and only the issues. But like I said, I have gone twelve rounds with my Better Half, multiple times, and I am still standing (and, amazingly enough, still married to her . . . it's magic). So make sure you bring your "A" game. There is also one other requirement for me to talk with you . . .
Confused about that last statement? I cast my one vote for McCain, yet it will not impact this election. I cast my vote for McCain, yet everyone knows California's fifty-four electoral votes are going to Obama, just as they went to Kerry, Gore, and Clinton in years past. Somewhere in Indiana, Pennsylvania, Florida, Ohio, and Virginia, however, people are celebrating the value of their vote. That is the "beauty" of the Electoral College; first to 270 wins. This, I believe, is why voter turnout remains much lower in the United States than it is in other countries. This, in turn, creates a perpetual cycle of discontent with our government while making no effort to change things, until things get so bad we blame everything on one person (even things that aren't his fault), all-the-while ignoring the failures of the people whose job it actually is to take care of us, which results in a knee-jerk reaction against anyone and everyone even remotely associated with the national "villain", and gives nearly absolute authority to one party. Sure they might reduce the national debt, even while increasing government spending to never-before-seen levels, but that is only because they are going to tax us like we have never been taxed before (oops . . . started to get a little soapboxy there . . . my bad).
By now you are probably wondering why I am wasting your time. While, for starters, I hope you do not actually feel like I have wasted your time. More importantly, though, I am frustrated with everything that has gone on with this election. This campaign has gone on longer than any previous campaigns, and it has gotten more coverage than any previous campaigns. But are we really going to be better off because of it? Both candidates are promising you that if they are elected they will bring change to Washington because they know that is what you want to hear. And I am tired of it because, here is the thing: this one, single election is not going to change a thing. Our nation is facing serious issues, but these are not new issue. We face these issues year-in and year-out. This is not the first economic recession our nation has dealt with; this is not the first time a person's civil liberties have been attacked; this is not the first time we have been in an unpopular conflict. So why can all of our candidates get away with making it seem like it is? Only when we begin to demand more from all of our elected officials, not just the President, will things start to change. Only when every election, for every elected office, is as hotly contested as this year's Presidential election, will things start to change. It is time we demand that our public officials do there job or get of the way of those people who will. Do that, my dear readers, and I promise things will actually change.
I do not know about you all, but I am burned out right now. They are calling the upcoming Presidential election the most important election ever. And to prove it, news outlets are shoving every last little bit of information they can down our throats. And now we have got this "Joe the Plumber" guy out there campaigning too. If you were at the gym at 6:00 a.m. this morning (and seriously, who doesn't love being at the gym at 6:00 a.m.?), you got to see legendary coach Mike Ditka make an appearance at a McCain/Palin rally where Palin was speaking. Here is the thing, I agree that this is an important election . . . in my lifetime for sure, and for at least the last fifty years . . . but I am exhausted from all of this coverage. At this point in time, I do not care so much about who wins, but rather that it will finally be over. That is why Halloween could not have come at a better.
Rick Reilly is not the only one still in awe of John Wooden, and he did not even coach during my lifetime.
Not that I needed an excuse to watch more college basketball, but this certainly will help.
Mike Singletary's impressive first week as the 49ers head coach just keeps getting impressiver (yes, I did just make that word up . . . that's what we lawyers do, make stuff up).
Remember when Tyler Hansbrough could have been a Top 5 pick after his freshman year? No, that is not a joke . . . stop laughing . . . seriously . . . you might hurt his incredibly fragile body. (I hope this doesn't affect their rankings).
Your a high school football coach and the opposing quarterback is unstoppable. What do you do? Why, cheap shot him while he is doing his other duties (hehehe . . . duties) as the place kicker, of course.
Andrew Bynum has 57.4 million reasons to be happy he just turned twenty-one and I have 57.4 million reasons to wonder where I went wrong (I'll tell you: it's when Dad taught me to throw a baseball right-handed even though I'm left-handed . . . curse you!)
Trying to read between the lines here, but it looks like Wayne Huizenga will not be voting for Obama.
It is going to be difficult to follow-up last week's collection of videos I prepared for your viewing pleasure (admit it, you had "Flea Market Montgomery" stuck in your head all weekend . . . I blame myself). To try to follow that up is a daunting task, but I will try my best. So here are some clips for you to enjoy:
If you are interested in quality commercial acting, do not watch this video. If you are interested in Marisa Miller strutting her stuff in short shorts then you probably can not click that link fast enough.
Somewhere A-Rod is wondering why Kobe got to be the lead singer of their band.
Do as Borat says . . . oh, and what everyone else says too!
Entering Week 8 of the NFL season, the Lions are 0-6, with losses against such powerhouses as the Atlanta Falcons, San Francisco 49ers, and, most recently, Houston Texans. Having already had their bye week, things do not get any easier the rest of the way. Of their remaining games, only two teams currently have sub-.500 records (Minnesota Vikings and New Orleans Saints), and it is like that by the time they play, those teams will be above .500. It is also likely that their last three opponents (at Indianapolis, home vs. New Orleans, at Green Bay) will be in the middle of the playoff race, not having necessarily clinched spots and, therefore, not resting players. The Lions have not had a quarterback throw for more than 300 yards (Kitna had 276 in Week 2) or a running back rush for more than 100 yards (Johnson had 83 in Week 3) in a game this year. And with the Washington Redskins coming to town this weekend (the first Lions game to be blacked out locally since Ford Field opened), that is not likely to change anytime soon.
While the general consensus is that the Kansas City Chiefs are the worst team in the NFL, they have something the Lions do not: a win. The Lions are on track to do something that not even the 2007 Miami Dolphins could do: go 0-16. Yes, I know that the Cincinnati Bengals are also currently winless, but I think they have enough offensive talent to squeeze out one or two wins before the season is over, especially since they close out the season at home against the previously-mentioned Chiefs. Since the 1970 merger of the NFL and AFL, only the 1976 expansion Tampa Bay Buccaneers have gone oh-for-the-entire-season, finishing 0-14 (yes, I know, Baltimore went 0-8-1 in the strike-shortened 1982 season, but they did not lose every game). So, I encourage everyone to watch the scoreboard closely this weekend (or, if your brother-in-law has DirecTV's Sunday Ticket, you can watch the game live) and follow the Lions' Odyssey-esque quest to become the first team to go winless over a 16-game season.
Best Regards,
The Management
P.S. Here are some things you might have missed:
Marisa Miller did a photoshoot for . . . you are probably not even reading this anymore, so who cares.
"Coach" athletes who do not care to be coached or hang out with his soon-to-be-second ex-wife (third wife overall)? Interesting decision Lute.
Seriously people, if my concealed weapons permit does not allow me to pull a gun on my child's soccer coach in a dispute over playing time, why have one?
Rachel Glandorf fans of the world rejoice (for those of you scratching your head right now, this is Rachel Glandorf . . . not to be mistaken with Glandorf the Grey of course).
Remember when boys used to throw pebbles at girls in P.E. to "flirt"? Would this then be considered the college version of that?
You seek revenge against a fellow athlete who dropped a few racial slurs at a party that you were not at. Do you (a) report him to school officials so that they can discipline him, or (b) hold up the wrong people at (B.B.) gun point while robbing them, thankful that you left your illegal sawed-off shotgun at home?
In this weeks edition of "It Could Happen to You": meet Matt, a Tarleton State (where?) transfer student who kicked a 30-yard field goal to win free rent for a month and may now being kicking for your Texas Tech Red Raiders (that's right, the #8 team in the nation) this weekend.
Some have been hit harder than you would have expected by this economic downturn.
I must have missed the church service where the pastor explained where the Bible tells us that girls can not play football. Can someone please point me to the right verse?
In non-sports related news, allow me to offer some advice: when pulling off the good ol' "dine-and-ditch", it is best that you do not leave your purse behind. Yes, I am talking to you Miss Teen Louisiana.
P.P.S. As for your weekly viewing enjoyment, I have put together quite an impressive combination of videos for you. You might say that I hit the motherload this week. So you can officially write off the rest of your Friday:
A behind-the-scenes look at the strenuous life of an Oregon cheerleader.
"Mom, help! I am pathetic." [I'm just guessing, I don't speak Asian.]
What is creepier, the guy's hair or what his step-daughter has to say about it? [with great Fargo-like accent goodness]
People think that SNL has been a little biased in its campaign coverage. Where could they have possibly gotten that idea?
Be warned: click on this link and you will have the song stuck in your head for the next four days. Oh, the wonder that is local television commercials.
