I Think My Clock Stopped Moving...

It is just one of those days here in the City of Angels. It is dark, cold, and rainy . . . but it is also Friday! Thank goodness. I know I have not been able to provide you with any original material lately and I apologize. Every time I think I am going to have time to write something up, life or work gets in the way (of course, by life I mean sports and by work I mean planning my honeymoon). I have two posts in various states of readiness and I hope to have them both up sometime next week. But I have been getting a lot of positive feedback from my avid readers about the weekly link dumps, so this letter to my client is going to have to wait (okay, I'm actually on my lunch break, but I'd put aside a letter for you guys). I hope you all have fun weekends lined up, I know things can get pretty crazy around the holidays. Me? It is rivalry week so you know where to find me. But I am sure you all need a little entertainment to help get you to the weekend; here you go:

• The Catholic Church seeks to make The Golden Compass the highest grossing film of the holiday season.
• Congratulations to South Dakota . . . so sorry to the Mormons.
• I am not sure is Jessie Spano knows this, but nudity is not allowed on television.
• In Australia, "chimney climbing skills" and a "gentle nature with children" gets you a prize. In America? Probably three to nine.
• Sabotage, pepper spray and a bomb threat . . . I am not talking about season 7 of 24 silly; it is the Miss Universe pageant.
• Man becomes one with nature (warning: kinda freaky).
• Who would have thought that children ages 2 to 12 could be so right?
• There go the mannequins, objectifying and assaulting the dignity of women again.

In honor of UCLA's four-point upset of USC last year, I bring you not one, not two, not three, but FOUR video clips for your viewing pleasure:

• I love the books and all, but really? REALLY?
• Nothing like a good, old-fashioned "Poon" fight with play-by-play.
• Think ACC official Ron Cherry is the first person to call this penalty? Think again.

Have a great weekend everyone!

A Three Day Week Can Only Mean One Thing...

A link dump on a Wednesday!!! If you are like me, you are probably thinking to yourself: "Why didn't my office just give us Wednesday off as well? It is not like anyone is doing any actual work." Well, that is because it is a slippery slope. If they give you Wednesday off, then Tuesday will be a lost day and so on. The solution? Just give us the whole week off. So, now I am stuck in my office getting fired up for the first meaningful Thanksgiving day game the Detroit Lions have played in eight years (kickoff is at 12:30 pm etz). For those of you not as excited about the Lions/Packers game, here are some newsworthy items you may have missed during this shortened week to help you pass the time:

• Nick Saban describes Alabama's loss to a stripper as a "catastrophic event" . . . you know, like 9/11 or Pearl Harbor.
• Stay classy New York Jets fans.
• This Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to all of those stupid criminals out there who keep me entertained.
• It is too bad the Packers do not play New England this year. I am in second in my FFL league and the guy in first has Brady.
• Ah, the United States Government . . . you never cease to amaze me.
• And England wonders how we defeated them in the Revolutionary War.

Although I have been shorted two days worth of entertaining news articles, I will never short my readers on funny video clips to get them through the day.

• First it was the 12-man beer bong, and now it is the gas-powered blender. People of Wisconsin, I take back everything bad I have ever said about you.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried . . . EVER!

I hope you and your families have a safe start to the holiday season. Have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving everyone!

Here's To Friday . . . And Long Lunches

Well, Friday has finally arrived. Although I have been sick for most of the week, I am in high spirits. I have overcome my illness thanks to two events: (1) I just had a "long" lunch (lawyer speak for had a few drinks), and (2) My Better Half's organization held their annual fundraiser (read: I spent the night rubbing shoulders and sharing drinks with celebrities). I had the opportunity to meet Jimmy Jean-Louis, and I would like to share with you how our conversation went:

BAP: Mr. Jean-Louis, it is such a pleasure to meet you.
JJL: Please, call me Jimmy.
BAP: Okay, Jimmy. I think it's really great that you support an organization like this.
JJL: Well, we can't take take the HIV/AIDS pandemic lightly. The least we can do is contribute some time and energy to help educate people and start fighting the problem.
BAP: I totally agree. Listen, I have a favor to ask and I know you can help me out. There's this girl I used to date and, well, she's crazy and I would kind of like to forget I ever had anything to do with her. You can take care of that for me right? Just erase my memory?
JJL: [Laughing] Well, I only play a character who can erase people's memories. I can't actually do that.
BAP: Oh, right. [wink] We shouldn't really broadcast that secret to too many people.
JJL: Haha. Well, it was nice meeting you.
BAP: So, we'll meet out back in about 15 and you can take care of that for me?
JJL: Security.

Okay, so I did not actually have the courage to go introduce myself, but you get the idea. I hope you all have fun plans for the weekend and, to help get you there, here are some things you might have missed:

• 2007 is a bad year for you when: (1) you are drafted by the Toronto Maple Leafs; (b) naked pictures of you appear on the Internet; or (iii) all of the above.
• When Lance and Ashley's relationship falls apart, they will probably look back and say this is when things got weird.
• As it turns out, the best way to shorten the Oscars is a writers strike.
• Wohhhhhhhh, we're half way there-re. Woh-OH, livin' on a prayer-er.
• An interesting twist on the criminal justice system brought to you by Saudi Arabia.
• I've got your right to bear arms right here.
• Here is a nice way to spend that extra $350 million I know you have lying around.
• There must be something in the Gulf water.

And in for your double feature, I present two sports related clips:

• The Clippers have finally found themselves an outside shooter.
• And, Boom Goes the Dynamite.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[Update: I'm so sorry that most of you did not get to see this post on Friday afternoon. Apparently "save" is different "publish". I'm a retard.]

We Must Protect This House!

I have always found Under Armor's marketing campaigns rather humorous and relatively unimpressive. I mean, I have not been swayed to go out and buy their products (and can someone please tell me what is up with their new "Click, Clack" campaign . . . what does that even mean?). And while I wish this post could be dedicated to mocking Under Armor's original slogan (the now infamous . . . that's when you're more than famous, you're INfamous . . . "We must protect his house" . . . taken a little too seriously by the Kansas City Chiefs' mascot earlier this season), it is not. In fact, it is about something completely different; this entire introduction was just so I could link to the Kansas City video because I really enjoy it.

Now, to the real point of this post. I hate to do it, and I had told myself I would not do it, but I have to take a moment and get a little political. Do not worry, I am not going to try and tell you who you should vote for or which party is better and why; I would never do that. That decision belongs to you, and you alone. What I would like to do, however, is take a moment to discuss two problems that both parties should be talking about on a daily basis (and neither includes the word Iraq): (1) the sad state of American households, and (2) the war on drugs.

I usually get excited when I have a story to support my post, but not for this one. As you may or may not know, the two eldest sons of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid were recently sentenced to up to twenty-three months in prison for several drug and firearm related crimes. During the sentencing hearing, Judge Steven O'Neill described the Reid's home as "a drug emporium" and found "there isn't any structure there." This, of course, prompted sportswriters, sportscasters, and radio personalities (including my main man Dan Patrick...welcome back DP, it's been a great month of morning radio) to ask whether Coach Reid should take a leave-of-absence from the Eagles organization to be his family during this time. This, of course, brings me to my first point: the sad state of American households.

This nation is in need of a massive priority shift. On a daily basis we read about young celebrities doing stupid things, kids killing each other, kids doing drugs, and the like. And when something bad happens, the parents are out there pointing fingers at everything and everyone else. Blame it on the music, blame it on the television, blah, blah, blah. Blame it anything you want, expect my child and except me. No one ever wants to blame the household in which these kids are raised because then we have to face the real problem.

The current state of our nation, driven by money and power has developed a growing class of people who prioritize their life as follows: (1) money, (2) work, (3) money, (4) conspicuous consumption, (5) money, (6) popularity, and (7) family. I would even go so far as saying we are lucky when family falls within the top ten. And no family wants to deal with their own problems, believing it can just be solved with money. Let's send the kid therapy, a private school, or, my personal favorite, let's sue someone.

My Dad will be the first to admit that he worked hard and he worked a lot. He has flown around the world on business trips at least ten times that I can think of, and has accumulated so many frequent flyer miles on American Airlines that he has a guaranteed seat on any flight he needs (read: he can kick someone off a flight to have their seat . . . which he has never done and will never do). Working hard paid off for my Dad, and he became very successful. You have to be pretty financially secure to retire early in this day-and-age, and he was able to do so, and is loving life. But while he was working 12-hour days and traveling weeks at time, one thing remained the same: his family came first. He did not miss holidays or birthdays, we had a family vacation every year, and he was the coach of most of our youth sports teams. He also would tell you he could not have done it without his teammate/partner, my Mom, who ruled our house with an iron fist (and a wooden spoon . . . don't even get me started about how people don't think it's right for people to discipline their with a little whack on the bottom). And when my Brother and Sister and I got in trouble, we had to face the consequences. Mom and Dad were not there trying to blame someone else. They have always their children in all of our endeavours, and while they might have tried to assist us in making the right decision, it was our decision to make, and ours to deal with in the end . . . but never alone.

We should have seen this coming from a mile away. Back in the early 1990s, a friend of mine, Zach, was having some trouble in high school; he was close to failing out. All he wanted to do was to go on the class ski trip, so that he could spend a weekend away with his cheerleader-girlfriend Kelly. But the principal would not let him go unless his parents came in for a meeting first. Well, Zach's dad, you see, worked a lot and was never around, and Zach did not want to disappoint him, so he got an actor/waiter to impersonate his dad so he could go. In the end, his dad found out but Zach was still having a hard time communicating with his dad. How did Zach finally get through to his dad? If you answered super-large 80s cell phone, you are correct. And though their reconciliation was touching, their story showed the tragic path down which this nation was headed.

And that brings me to point two . . . which I will discuss next week (ohhhhh . . . dramatic cliffhanger).

How Did This Happen?

Believe it or not (and I'm guessing most of you will not), Friday snuck up on me this week. It has been a crazy week at home and at the office. I did not realize today was Friday until last night when I was setting my alarm. I even watched Grey's Anatomy last night (which, right now anyways, is like pulling off 1,000 band-aids very slowly. . . it might be the one show that the writers' strike actually helps); a show I know airs on Thursday nights. Weird. So now it is Friday and I actually have a chance to take a short breather. I am planning on working overtime this weekend, for my GameTime, TBD© readers, to get a full post up by Sunday; I have already started working on it and I must say, it might be the most serious post I have ever written. For now, I want you to take a breather too, and catch up on some things you might have missed:

• How could the Minnesota Vikings possibly think this was the right thing to do?
• Somewhere in America, Bill Belichick is wondering why he did not think of this first.
• A priest stops molesting his alter boy for a moment and . . . starts stalking Conan O'Brien?
• The newest nominee for the 2007 Dumbest Criminal in America award.
• Want to know the difference between a great senior prank and sheer stupidity?
• So let me get this straight, I can text message anything I want and it will be displayed on the Jumbotron? How can anything possibly go wrong.
• A supermodel with a brain . . . now that is a scary thought.
• I wrote my high school term paper on Alcatraz and how it was a hotel for prisoners. Well, it turns out there actually is a prison hotel, and you too can stay there for at least $319 per night.
• As if New York Jets fans needed another reason to be depressed.

And for your Friday double feature, I would like to take this opportunity to salute athletes who endorse products:

• Tony Siragusa: Former Pro Football Player and Food Connoisseur.
• Three words: Laser-rocket arm.

And just in case you, like me, have had a long week and need just a couple extra minutes of fun, here is a bonus feature for you:

• Peyton Manning is just a likable guy. (I know it's old, but it still makes me laugh.)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Let's Get This Party Started...

Well, it is Friday, November 2nd and that can only mean one thing: the start of the 2007-2008 UCLA Men's Basketball season. The Bruins take on perennial National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) powerhouse Azusa Pacific University, the first-ever meeting between the two schools. Although it is only an exhibition game, Pauley Pavilion is sold out for the Bruin debut of Kevin Love, the top-ranked recruit in the nation. But while I am counting down the time until tip-off, I know most you out there are counting down the time left in your week. So, here are some enjoyable stories that you might have missed that will hopefully help make that clock move a little faster:

• I used to think Major League Baseball players were stupid for using performance-enhancing drugs, but as it turns out, they're only stupid if they actually get caught.
• I am not an alcoholic, I am an athlete.
• As sad is this story is, I am pretty sure they could still field a team that could beat the Miami Dolphins.
• Don't quote me on this, but I am almost positive that this is not the first time Hillary has been caught in a six-on-one.
• Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, Bruce Smith, and Scott Norwood were last seen pooling their money so they could buy all of the tickets.
• Call me crazy, but this might actually be a good thing.
• Just in case you are having a hard time parenting your own children, the Parents Television Council is willing to do it for you.
• I guess I better start checking IDs next Halloween.

I have always enjoyed a good laugh at the expense of a cheerleader or two. So, if you are in need of a good chuckle (I don't want you to laugh too loud and get in trouble at work), I offer you these two cheerleader-themed videos for your viewing enjoyment:

• Hold on boys, I just need to fix the banner for you.
• What do you expect? She's a USC Song Girl.

Have a great weekend everyone!