It has been a whirlwind of a week for the old BAP; I am still trying to get my head wrapped around everything. First, as you are all aware, earlier this week the Lions management finally pulled their heads out of their collective you-know-whats and showed Matt Millen the door. Now I am stuck trying to figure out what their next move is and how they might salvage some respect out of this season. But I have got to tell you, that is not the least of it. Last night, all hell broke loose.
The Dodgers lost last night, but still managed to clinch the division title and a playoff birth. National League West baseball, it is fantastic! Then, my bank was seized by the Feds and sold to J.P. Morgan. Now, I have an economics background, so I understand what is going on and that my money is safe. But when I got into my office this morning I overheard someone talking about how glad they were they closed their WaMu accounts last week. So then I had to explain to this person how, much to their surprise, they contributed to the Fed taking action last night. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, people, but if your bank is struggling, the worst thing you can do is close your accounts. Do you remember the Great Depression?
Speaking of Great Depression, memo to USC fans: make sure to get your tickets on the shady side of the Rose Bowl. I am not going to go out and say I saw this coming, but a buddy of mine from work is a die-hard Trojan fan and yesterday he and I both noted that Corvallis is a tough place to play (see, e.g., USC at Oregon St. circa 2006). I had stopped by the driving range on my way home from work and when I got back in my car, I heard something about 14-0 and assumed the Trojans were up. Imagine my elation when I turned on the game at home (much to the "joy" of My Better Half) just in time to see Oregon St. go up 21-0 right before halftime. Oh, you knew it was only a matter of time before the ESPN spin machine was going to start coming up with excuses. My favorite was, early in the fourth quarter with USC trailing 21-14, when Mark Sanchez avoided a rush but threw an incompletion. Craig James (ESPN commentator) followed by calling Sanchez's performance "gutsy" because he apparently has a bad leg and was not 100% healthy. I would appreciate it if ESPN would stop slobbering all over USC's "knob". Sanchez's performance was not gutsy. Oregon St. is a bad team. I have never taken a snap in a high school football game, let alone college, and I should have been able to lead USC to a victory . . .though, let's be honest, I probably would have thrown the game intentionally, having put my life savings on Oregon St. to win outright. Also of note, I had to watch the last five minutes of the game on my computer because our DVR can only record two shows at once, and with The Office and Grey's Anatomy premiering last night, we had to watch one (and by one, I obviously mean Grey's Anatomy as if I had a choice, because Armageddon would descend upon us if My Better Half was unable to text her friends throughout the entire two-hour episode).
And to top if off, this morning on my way to work, I saw a biker-chick driving a Harley in a pink Juicy Couture track suit . . . that was about two sizes too small. No one should have to endure that until they have at least gotten their morning coffee. So I am gonna go make an appointment to see Dr. Finklestein and I am gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about Mom for a while. In the meantime, here are some things you might have missed:
- Following up on last week's shocking developments, this Idaho cheerleader story has got some legs (bad pun absolutely intended) and I promise to stay on top of them . . . er . . . it.
- True story: one day in high school, we showed up to school to find ABC, NBC, CBS, and ESPN news vans at our campus. We thought it was cool until we discovered our wrestling team had an incident shockingly similar to this.
- With a net worth of $7.81 million, former Redskins quarterback Heath Shuler is the 35th richest congressman.
- It was only a matter of time before that big performance-enhancing drug scandal broke in the world of competitive walking . . . wait, what?
- The Glock 26 was an obvious choice because everyone knows that bringing a .22 to a pee wee soccer game would be suicide.
- Congratulations to Navy for getting the first Bowl Bid of the season; that is, the 2010 season.
- This is not sitting well with my buddies in Chicago.
- Chinese gymnastics team on track to finally be old enough to compete at 2012 Olympics in London.
- 7-Time Tour de France winner to join team of 2007 Tour de France winner. Clearly this is going to end well.
- Tattoos? Check. Mohawk? Check. Necklace made from your own finger? Check.
For your Friday afternoon viewing pleasure, and in honor of the networks premiering the new seasons of their shows over the next few weeks, I have decided to put together a collection of my favorite commercials of late. Oh, and I also had to throw in perhaps the greatest catch in the history of football:
- I am no physicist, but I am pretty sure this catch defies the laws of physics in some way, shape or form.
- Ironically enough, my friends and I acted the same way last weekend.
- On several occasions, I have been accused of having a man-crush on Peyton Manning. This probably will not help my cause.
- It is weird when you see your old home videos turned into a commercial. Man, I was smooth back then.
Have a great weekend everyone!
It is Christmas in September for us Detroit Lions fans. After explaining to countless 49ers fans at Candlestick Park this past weekend that the goal of the Lions franchise was not to win, but rather to make other teams feel better about themselves, it turns out I may have been misrepresenting the facts. The Lions might actually want to win.
Apparently the Ford family decided that a failing car company AND football franchise was too much to handle and so they decided it was time to fix one of them. Thankfully they chose the Lions. Believe-you-me, having owned a "Fix Or Repair Daily" Explorer, I know that the Lions will be much easier to fix. And the organization finally took the first step towards redemption today. I am going to keep this short and to the point, because if I were to write a full post of how I am feeling right now, I would never get to my Kings Season Preview and would probably have to skip this week's Link Dump. Instead, I will sum everything up for you with one simple fact:
During Matt Millen's tenure with the Lions, their record was 40-91; over that same period of time, the New England Patriots were 93-38.
This is just one of those days when it is hard to be at work. It is not that I do not have enough work to keep me busy, but rather I have a great weekend ahead of me. As I am sure you will all agree, there is nothing worse than sitting in your office before the start of an awesome weekend, watching the clock slowly change as your productivity drops to next to nothing. Do not lie, you know the feeling.
I am sure that by now I have built so much suspense, you are on the edge of your seat dying to know what I have planned. For starters, the Ryder Cup is upon us. I know most of you out there are a little confused about that, but I am a rare bread: a golf fan even when Tiger is not playing. For starters, played golf in college; and I am not just talking about on the weekend with my friends, but on my school's team. I mean, this tournament is an every-other-year deal, so when it comes around I have got to pay attention. So tracking today's foursome (kinky!) and four-ball (you know, they can fix that) matches is taking up must of my productive work hours (but clearly, it is not affecting my charming sense of humor).
With my butt firmly planted in a seat on the Dodgers' bandwagon (I won't deny it, when it comes to baseball I'm a fair-weather fan), I am hitting up the Dodgers/Giants game tonight so I can watch Manny being Manny live and in person. But that is only the start of what is going to be an amazing weekend. Tomorrow morning I head up the coast to San Francisco for a short two-day visit with my boys [Editor's note: friends, not illegitimate children]. The weekend will include a round of golf on the uber-awesome Lake Course at the Olympic Club, host of the 2012 United States Open, on Saturday afternoon, and the Lions/49ers game on Sunday (remember, we want Hochuli). Throw in the inevitable night of debauchery, and you can see why I am a little distracted by the upcoming weekend.
But never fear, my avid GameTime, TBD© readers, I would never let a great weekend distract me from helping others in need. So here are some things you might have missed this past week to help you get through your Friday afternoon:
- This is becoming a far too common question here on GameTime, TBD©: How does Matt Millen still have a job?
- Far be it for me to tell a midget how to make an honest living.
- Yes, Idaho, I am sure the cheerleaders' "risque" uniforms were distracting the football team and that is why you lost 70-0. You should do something about that.
- After getting spanked at the 2006 Ryder Cup, here are fourteen-and-a-half reasons why a Tiger-less U.S. team will actually win it this year.
- Speaking of a Tiger-less Ryder Cup, no Tiger means no Elin; and no Elin means these pictures of the players' wives are pretty tame. [Editor's Note: My Better Half recently told me that if I was a professional golfer, we would never have a Swedish nanny. I reminded her that Tiger's wife was not his nanny, but rather the nanny of a fellow professional golfer. I contended that we should be the ones who have the Swedish nanny to introduce to other golfers instead of them introducing me to their's. She agreed. To my yet-to-be-conceived son: you can thank me later; for now, I'll be at the range.]
- Short skirts and tight shirts? How could anyone possibly assume this would be a publicity stunt?
- This just in to the GameTime, TBD© news desk, Syracuse University has learned how to travel through time. Oh wait, sorry, it turns out the athletic department is just retarded; but we knew this already.
- Finally coming to the realization that they can no longer produce an original idea of quality, ESPN turns to ripping people off . . .
- . . . and their summer internships are apparently not that exciting (or the person who wrote this is just a big tool . . . hmm . . . both?)
- The real winner of the USC/Ohio St. game was the counterfeit ticket scalpers. Shocking.
As for your weekly viewing enjoyment, I implore you not to look for any discernible pattern or relationship in the videos. That being said, I think you will find them all to be an excellent escape from the comings and goings of your Friday afternoon:
Have a great weekend everyone!
[Editor's Note: When I first got the idea of starting a blog, I promised myself I would use it as forum to entertain readers with an offbeat view on sports and pop culture. Being the modest person I am, I think I have done an excellent job thus far. That being said, today, for the first . . . and hopefully only . . . time, GameTime, TBD© ventures into the world of politics. I will not be actually talking about the merits of the candidates or who I think you should vote for and why; I do not believe it is my business to do so. But I have long been annoyed with this country's willingness to cater to the lowest common denominators instead of attempting to raise the standards. I tread lightly into this topic and I promise that, if you make it to the end, you will get what you are used to from the good people here at GameTime, TBD©.]
We here at GameTime, TBD© take pride in our ability to educate and entertain our readers. That is why every now and then I like to lead with a little trivia: What happened on this date in history (and don't go running off to wikipedia or thisdateinhistory.com . . . is that even a real site? . . . to cheat; if you think you know the answer, write it down and you will soon find out if you're correct)? [cue the Final Jeopardy theme music.]
. . .
Alrighty then, your time is up. Now, for those of you who wrote down "George Washington gave his farewell address" or "The Battle of Antietam began" or "Composer Ignaz Jakob Holzbaue was born" (okay, I looked that last one up), you only get partial credit. Yes it is true that all of those things happened on September 17th . . . 1796, 1862, and 1711 respectively . . . but that is not the correct answer in my world. The correct answer in GameTime, TBD© world is: on September 17, 1787 the United States Constitution was finalized and adopted by the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia (I would have also accepted "U.S. Constitution adopted" for full credit).
Now, would all of you who got that correct please raise your hands. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone? I am willing to bet that very few, if any, of you got the right answer. I mean, sure, the Constitution did not become our official governing charter until March 1, 1788 when the people of Rhode Island finally pulled their heads out of their collective you-know-whats and voted to ratify the Constitution, but that should not over shadow what happened in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 221 years ago today. Let's face the facts, if the Articles of Confederation was still around (you remember the Articles don't you? You know, the first constitution of the United States? It was, after all, our governing charter for 7 years), we would not be in the same position we are today.
The reason I bring this up now is because politics today is based on the assumption that most Americans are oblivious to, and ignorant of, what our Constitution actually says and the powers it affords to the various branches (yes, there are three of them) of our government. All we hear throughout campaign season is our presidential and vice-presidential candidates declaring the things they will do and the reasons all of our problems are the other guy's (or girl's) fault. So I encourage all of you to take a half an hour, maybe a little more, and actually read the United States Constitution (and at least Amendments 1-10, 13-15, and 25). Then, when you are done, come back and tell me where the President gets the powers the candidates all claim to have during their campaigns. I also think House Speaker Pelosi needs to take a moment and re-read the Constitution (assuming, of course, she has actually read it) before she goes around placing blame for our Nation's problems; I guess there is a good reason why Congress' approval ratings are so low.
See, that is the true problem with politics today: campaigns are run on the basis of ignorance and fear; the belief that Americans in general do not know any better. Our politicians only want to tell you why everyone else is to blame for our problems.
And that brings me to the real point of this post (wait, what?): would everyone please lay off Ed "Thunder Guns" Hochuli? [Editor's Note: "Thunder Guns" is not actually Ed Hochuli's nickname, it's just a nickname I'm trying out around here. But is there anything better than watching a game officiated by Hochuli? A uniform that is one size too small, biceps bigger than most of the players, and an official who poses while making his calls (Holding . . . pause while flexing . . . on the offense, number 78 . . . pause while flexing . . . etc.). Thus, I believe "Thunder Guns" is a perfectly acceptable nickname . . . but I digress.] By now you are all aware of the fact that Hochuli made a bad call in the Chargers/Broncos game last Sunday, a game the Broncos ended up winning as a result. Hochuli apologized to everyone immediately following the game and took responsibility for the bad call.
Since then, the hottest bandwagon in sports has been the "Down with Hochuli" wagon, and it is being driven by the NFL. Fans are blaming Hochuli for the Chargers loss and the NFL has publicly stated that it will downgrade Hochuli for his officiating of the game. Yet everyone seems to forget that the Broncos still had to score and get the two-point conversion to win the game and San Diego's defense allowed them to do so. At the same time the NFL wants to keep quiet the fact that, despite the seemingly thousands of plays that can be reviewed with instant replay, an inadvertent whistle cannot be reversed. This was a rule not created by the officials, but by league officials, owners, and coaches. But instead of sticking up for the person in charge of enforcing those rules, the NFL seems to think that the whole situation is the fault of Hochuli, and Hochuli alone.
I do not buy it. I remain a Hochuli fan and I still believe he one of the best, if not THE best, official in the game. Ask anyone who has watched a football game with me, I get excited when I see "Thunder Guns" out on the field. I even hope that he is officiating the 49ers/Lions game this Sunday because I will be there and would love to see him in person (if any of you out there know how I could get a picture of me and "Thunder Guns" this coming Sunday, please contact me immediately).
So would everyone please lay off old "Thunder Guns"? Oh, and go read the Constitution.
This just in: the University of Southern California is playing THE Ohio State University tomorrow. Oh? You knew that already? Weird.
[Editor's Note: before I proceed, I should probably go ahead and remind everyone that, well, I hate USC, and I'm not that big of fan of ESPN either.]
There are some things in this world that will never change: the sky is always blue; the air conditioning in my office is always too cold, even for me; plaintiffs attorneys and defense attorneys will never get along; doctors and teachers on television will always be hotter than real doctors and teachers; and secretary sprawl syndrome will always negatively impact the life of many promising young women, just to name a few. So, a big college football match-up right around the corner, set for primetime on ABC, can only mean one thing: an ESPN media assault the likes of which have not been seen since the allied forces invaded Normandy. Ha, who am I kidding. It was only a month ago that ESPN became the Brett Favre channel; all Brett Favre, all the time. They attached Rachel Nichols to his hip: "Let's go to Rachel Nichols with a Brett Favre update." "Thanks John. I am here in Mississippi and I can confirm to you that Brett Favre just went to the bathroom. He finished his morning coffee about two hours ago, so he is right on schedule." Now that was insightful (side bar: turns out that Green Bay president Mark Murphy is not a big fan of ESPN management. So, throughout the whole Favre drama, he leaked false information to ESPN and told other media outlets the truth. While John Clayton and Chris Mortensen were reporting on the "latest developments", other outlets were reporting that Favre had been traded to the Jets; ESPN was the last to report the biggest story of the summer. Classic, but I digress).
It really was not a surprise to me, then, that the headline on ESPN.com for a great majority of the week was somehow related to the USC/OSU game (oh no, Beanie Wells is a game time decision . . . everybody panic), or that SportsCenter spent half it shows breaking down how the teams match-up by position (also highlighted in the match-up were the direction in which the grass at USC grows vs. the grass at OSU and the type of chalk the schools use to paint the field . . . okay, I made those two up, but would you have been surprised?). Throw in Tom Brady's knee injury and I think SportsCenter showed about three minutes of actual highlights . . . total . . . all week. Now, I do not have plans to watch much, if any of the game, but I am rooting for a blowout. With the amount of money the network has invested in this game, a blowout will ensure that by the second quarter the only people watching the game are in Columbus and Los Angeles, and, by the third quarter, only one of those cities will be left.
Since ESPN will never change how it covers sports (90% of its coverage dedicated to three or four topics), I encourage you to look elsewhere for your sports information. And since GameTime, TBD© will never change in its goal to help get you through your Friday afternoon, here are some things you might have missed (or did miss if you were watching ESPN):
- Here is the breakdown of the USC/OSU game that ESPN did not want you to see.
- Back in 2006, a store out here in Los Angeles offered free furniture if UCLA beat USC; and they did. This is almost as funny.
- Looking for some weekend entertainment in the Phoenix area? Unfortunately, it is time to cross "female applesauce wrestling" off your list options.
- Avid reader Nosh inquires: do you think this guy plays any sports? I have 23,000 reasons to think probably not.
- The headline says it all: The Most Valuable Player in Sport is . . . this Doctor.
- Romosexuals of the world rejoice, Tony is your Good Samaritan of the week.
- It is good to see that Terrell Owens has moved on from his issues with Philadelphia and Donovan McNabb.
- Chad not-so-Ocho Cinco.
- I am just going to throw out a random dollar value: $382.47. Hey, I think I could write for CNBC Sports.
- All good things (myself included) were created in England. So much for America's pastime.
- With Michael Phelps set to host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, here is a look at the 10 best performances by an athlete hosting SNL. [Bonus: with videos, and we're not even in the video section yet. Who loves you, baby?]
- Actual quote: "I heard that on the day of Bolt's 100 metres, no one here was killed. Even murder took a holiday for him." Is there anything the Olympics can not do?
The athletes who have hosted SNL are not the only athletes to show off the other talents they possess. For your weekly viewing enjoyment, we take a look at those other athletes of have sought different avenues to express themselves; some good, some not so good:
- Nobody puts Papelbon in a corner.
- My friends and I like joke that Greg Oden is actually the lead singer of a 50's Motown group Greg & The O'Dens (shoo bee do bee do wah, waHHHHHH).
- This Russian decided to mix his two talents, drinking vodka and high jumping, together. [Editor's Note: there are two different links there, each a different angle of the jump.]
- Okay, this video might not be an athlete showing off another talent, but Christopher Walken was "on" the Dan Patrick Show this morning, and he reminded me of my favorite music video of all time.
Have a great weekend everyone!
[Update: It turns out that Le Anne Schreiber feels the same way about ESPN as I do . . . and she works for them!]
Check . . . check . . . check 1. Sibilance . . . sibilance. Check . . . check . . . check 2. Sibilance . . . sibilance. Okay, good. It looks like we have everything back up and running. It is good to be back in the saddle of GameTime, TBD©. I apologize that I had to go dark for such an extended period of time.
I was finally able to make an honest woman out of my Better Half and what does she do? That is right, she "forces" me to go off and spend two weeks with her in French Polynesia (Tahiti, Moorea, and Huahine). Oh, the humanity. I do not know how I survived two weeks of lounging around in the sun with a beautiful woman, drinking beer, without a care in the world. Oh, and my wife was there too (sorry for the obvious joke, I'm a little rusty). French Polynesia is truly a beautiful place; we did not want to leave. Take my advice, if you are planning a vacation and want to go someplace tropical, you can not go wrong with the Society Islands.
So after two great weeks, I was relaxed and in a good place physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I was ready to get back to my responsibilities to you, the avid GameTime, TBD© reader. Well, unfortunately it only took work about .01 seconds to knock those good vibes right out of me, a feeling I know to which Milorad Cavic can totally relate. I never realized how much work can pile up on a desk in two weeks. And while I still have a few piles to get to, I was not going to let work keep me from finally getting back to something I love so much: GameTime, TBD© and its weekly link dump. Sure, I might have taken a little detour to the UCLA-Tennessee game; had a chance encounter with my hero, Dan Patrick (I haven't washed my right hand since Monday); sat through two fantasy football drafts; and made a few wagers on college foo . . . err . . . I mean . . . found a source of supplemental income, but here I am, back in the saddle and ready to let you know about some of the things you might have missed over the past week:
[Disclaimer: with the start of college football and the NFL, all of this week's links are related to football, and I'm not talking about that strange style of football they play in Europe.]
- In preparing for the Detroit Lions' season, I discovered that things might be looking up . . .
- . . . but then I remembered that Matt Millen is still our team president . . .
- . . . and our new runningback's underwear was stolen by the guy he is replacing. Oh the joys of being a Lions fan.
- FanIQ dares to ask the question: which cheerleaders are better, NCAA or NFL? (Though I question FanIQ's choice of the USC Song Girls as California's representative as opposed to GameTime, TBD© favorite Brianna and the UCLA cheerleaders.)
- Under the category of "shocking", Tennessee fans are not too pleased with phat Phil.
- Two stadiums, eight miles apart; its a fifty-fifty chance that the skydivers pick the right stadium. Let us see how it turns out.
- I used to idolize The Sports Guy; he is after all the reason I started this blog. But then he kind of got too big for himself and lost touch with who he really is. It is nice to see him return to form, if but only for a minute, in his NFL predictions.
- And what would football season be without mentioning Ryan Leaf? After reading this article ask yourself this: do I feel better about Ryan Leaf or sorry for myself?
As for your viewing entertainment, I am taking a risk and blending sports with politics. Okay, I guess it is not really a risk since sports and politics have mixed well for many years now. So, in honor of my party choosing a former-sportscaster as its vice-presidential candidate, here are some great moments in sportscasting history, with a little weather mixed in for fun:
- There is a theory that, in this day-and-age, once something is put on the internet it can never be completely destroyed. Therefore, my sincerest apologies to the Republican Party; try as you might, this Sarah Palin sportscast is not going anywhere. And trust me when I say, we are all better off because of it.
- Somewhere my Better Half is laughing because she knows I probably would have reacted the same way.
- Your first time never goes the way you dreamed it would.
- Brian Collins would like to remind you that "Boom Goes the Dynamite".
It really is good to be back. We will get the ball rolling on some new original content here shortly. In the meantime, have a great weekend everyone!
